The No Contact Thread v3.0: I'll Hug You Bro No Homo.

[ManKo91]

Ex reached out to me. In tears, saying the worst mistake she'd ever made, she loved me, what was she thinking, etc. Never met such a kind man as me and it freaked her out after previous relationships constantly gave her the runaround.

Took two weeks of NC after the "Do not call me anymore" speech that I gave her. Clearly saw that I meant it when I said I'd never call her again (and I wouldn't have done either).

Going to see her over a Starbucks. Going to play it objectively and cooly. Why would it be different if I gave you another chance etc....

Good luck, although I think once a relation is completely broken, it is usually better to move on. The book “the rational male” addresses this well. There, the author has some rules, and one of them says:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

Of course the book is not always right, and every relation is unique, so maybe it will work for you, although generally speaking most of the time it does not work. Why did you break up?

[Jawbrahmyron]

Kinda fuked up and contacted ex yesterday night, but she was tired af and called me this morning literally just got off the phone which ended in an argument with me hanging up in her face because she brought a bitchy ass attitude near the end. Fukking told her off over text and basically told her to get fukked glad I contacted her to know there's nothing worth thinking about. Useless stupid kunt I'm gonna use this anger for improving my life. I hate woman. What a useless filthy piece of god damn trash.

[Thillygooth]

Looking back, I remember my ex would constantly look through my phone everyday whenever I would see her and would ask me questions about everything on there but she was very protective of her phone.

oldest trick in the book...

project the behavior you feel guilty about onto the other person.

[CarsonPalmer]

So we officially broke up a week ago. Yesterday she blows up my phone begging me to come back. I said i would meet up with her to discuss the final dividing of things. So i came over and she begged for hours for me to stay, pretty much downplaying all ive gone through the past 3-4 months regarding how horrible she treated me. She asked how i could just throw away 5 years of our relationship for a bad couple months.

I stayed rational and cool. I reminded her of every single reason that she wanted the break and space in the first place and how she essentially tore my heart out after we got back from our vacation where we were trying to patch things up. Fuark bros. i have never been this mean to anyone in my entire life, and now i feel like complete shiit. I feel like she turned it so i am now the bad person, yet when i look back on everything ive gone through i know i made the right decision to not take her back. So many feels and not goid ones. I feel horrible

[TallSaint]

So we officially broke up a week ago. Yesterday she blows up my phone begging me to come back. I said i would meet up with her to discuss the final dividing of things. So i came over and she begged for hours for me to stay, pretty much downplaying all ive gone through the past 3-4 months regarding how horrible she treated me. She asked how i could just throw away 5 years of our relationship for a bad couple months.

I stayed rational and cool. I reminded her of every single reason that she wanted the break and space in the first place and how she essentially tore my heart out after we got back from our vacation where we were trying to patch things up. Fuark bros. i have never been this mean to anyone in my entire life, and now i feel like complete shiit. I feel like she turned it so i am now the bad person, yet when i look back on everything ive gone through i know i made the right decision to not take her back . So many feels and not goid ones. I feel horrible

In my experiences with women, some are so good at this. It's like wizardry that they are able to turn the entire situation and make it seem like it was your fault. Eventually the fog clears and as time goes by you begin to understand things in a more rational sense and will realize you did the right thing.

[CarsonPalmer]

In my experiences with women, some are so good at this. It's like wizardry that they are able to turn the entire situation and make it seem like it was your fault. Eventually the fog clears and as time goes by you begin to understand things in a more rational sense and will realize you did the right thing.

She was bawling in front of me for hours just begging me to at least try. The girl i was going to propose to and build a life together with her. She has always been good at twisting my feelings whenever i tried to tell her my feelings about something. Fuk. Still doesnt change how shiitty i feel at the moment

[ReflexReform]

In my experiences with women, some are so good at this. It's like wizardry that they are able to turn the entire situation and make it seem like it was your fault. Eventually the fog clears and as time goes by you begin to understand things in a more rational sense and will realize you did the right thing.

This 100%

My ex did the same thing, even went as far as to say that I did nothing wrong at all when she dumped me. After I reached out continuously to try and work things out, she then tries to flip the script to say everything was my fault... Well if I didn't initiate the breakup, then why would I shoulder all of the responsibility for the breakup?? Makes me wonder why she stayed with me so long since apparently she thought she was planning a life with a retard who would be suckered into thinking it was 100% on me. I guess by me accepting personal responsibility and apologizing for things I did wrong gave her the idea that I was the only one that did anything wrong. Some of these women are amazingly manipulative.

[qleonard]

This 100%

My ex did the same thing, even went as far as to say that I did nothing wrong at all when she dumped me. After I reached out continuously to try and work things out, she then tries to flip the script to say everything was my fault... Well if I didn't initiate the breakup, then why would I shoulder all of the responsibility for the breakup?? Makes me wonder why she stayed with me so long since apparently she thought she was planning a life with a retard who would be suckered into thinking it was 100% on me. I guess by me accepting personal responsibility and apologizing for things I did wrong gave her the idea that I was the only one that did anything wrong. Some of these women are amazingly manipulative.

Yea, it still perplexes me...we were together for 3 years...during the break-up she had a myriad of excuses, one was she was unhappy for a long time. It took me forever to just get over that, like if you were unhappy why not just leave long ago, but I got used and whatever.

[Rambo66]

Hey guys, been lurking this thread quite a bit. So going to tell my story and would like to hear your input. So me and the ex have had a very rough year. We had a long distance relationship for 4 months, went from living together to away from each other when I got back because I was suppose to be away for a while and we both had big family troubles which def affected us and the relationship.

So me and the ex broke up in mid Aug for about a month. We both had a lot going on and she felt as if we weren't connecting and she just couldn't do it. Well I begged her back for a week like an idiot then went NC for a cpl weeks. Branched out and asked if she wanted to grab a bite, she said not at first but we ended up going out. Well once we did that I went back to her house and we stayed up till 6am talking all night and got back together. Things were great the first two months. In mid Nov I started to get a really bad depression with my family troubles and it was affecting the relationship. I was never there in the moment I was always in a distant haze not really feeling for anything. I guess that was my way of dealing with it. Well in that time I lost my ambition, passion and other things. The first two months we were amazing literally talking every day, connecting, she wanted to get married, wanted a house and everything. We were supposed to be each other soul mates. Well things started to get worse and worse with us. The passion was lacking due to my depression and she was stressing out big time to. Well anyways we went on a trip and got back a week before we broke up. The trip was really good, it was the most comftorable I've ever seen her around me and we both made a million plans for the future. We did fight the last day and it was a lot of the day so it ended on kind of a bad note but we talked the whole drive home which was a bout 20 hours. When we got home she was distant but also very tired all week.We work together as a company but we only hung out twice that week. When we hung out on a Thurs we got into a big fight but made up and a lot of things were said but we said we were gonna work them out. On Sat she wanted to be on her own but I surprised her with flowers. Well when I did I scared the **** out of her because I came in unannounced. Her first reaction was to be scared ****less lol. Anyways when I saw that all the emotions came in and I could barely talk and was really distant and weird.(this was emotions from my last year which was very tough) We watched part of a show but I left after it and didn't say much. I was overwhelmed with everything in my life. Well anyways we didn't talk till Mon morning when she came over to break up for me.
Like an idiot I begged for her back 3 or 4 diff times. I wrote her a letter explaining what happened with the flowers and what I have been going though. No response from her. I also a week later made a scrapbook of all our memories and saying what we were and I wasn't giving up. She wanted to see emotion and see me fight for something before we broke up but my mind was pretty gone at that time.(dumb I know) Well she never responded to that either. So now I'm back on NC. It's been 3 days so far.
Not really sure what I'm trying to get at. I really want another shot, she literally had almost zero bad qualities. Seriously, 10/10 looks, high six figure job and her heart was deeper than a ocean and played 0 games. So now I'm sitting here driving myself crazy about the situation with no job. (we worked together, it was her company so I don't have a job now.)
Anyways I'm really suffering right now, I'm driving myself crazy with boredom and thinking about the situation all the time. I can't sleep, barely eat but still hitting the gym strong. I dunno I guess I'm hoping theres still a chance. Going NC until or if she contacts me now. Ive done all I can and probably pushed her away more. She broke up with me but still loves or loved me just thinks were two diff people and she wanted me to be something she thought I wasn't. (not true I was just depressed and wasn't myself) I know she wanted things to work out and isn't looking for anyone right now. I want to make this salvageable unfortunately the best thing I can do is nothing at all. It just sucks I was there for her for so many bouts of depression for her and she left me. She was fighting the week before but I was so lost I barely noticed the situation. The last fight we had she said she would marry me on the spot some days and other days were like that (fighting). Anyways not sure why I wrote this guess I just needed to get this out. Yeah brahs pretty shooken up still and its been a month since we broke up.

[ReflexReform]

Yea, it still perplexes me...we were together for 3 years...during the break-up she had a myriad of excuses, one was she was unhappy for a long time. It took me forever to just get over that, like if you were unhappy why not just leave long ago, but I got used and whatever.

I got the same BS man,
Endless excuses that she had apparently been tallying up over the last year of the relationship. 2.5 years together and she was saying she had been unhappy for a long time. I asked her the same question, if she was unhappy for so long why didn't she ever talk about those things so I could address them.
Some women expect you to be mind readers, they drop insignificant hints or mention something related to what they have a problem with and I guess the guy is supposed to dissect every word she says and figure out the problem on his own. It basically boils down to a lack of communication and/or emotional immaturity on the girls part. We know full well we were willing to work on the problems, they just didn't want to discuss them with us.
After the breakup- the way I see it is, half of the things they mentioned to us were probably not even huge problems for them. They were just only focusing on the bad and grasping at straws to justify their decision.
I know in my breakup I provided a solution for every big problem she had, but for every solution I offered she came up with another "problem" its all a bunch of BS bro. They just became uninterested in the relationship for whatever reason and needed an excuse to end it. The whole last month of my relationship she was pretty damn cold and tried to suggest that maybe we should date other people for a while, she was obviously trying to get me to break up with her because she didn't have a great reason to end it. So she thought up 1000 small things that pissed her off and used those to end it, she probably had a notepad with everything I ever did wrong written on it to reference to by the time she actually got the courage to break up with me. Even after that point she got back together with me for a day, so I am assuming the guilt was getting to her(for whatever reason, probably someone else in the picture) and she tried to shift the guilt on me.

[ReflexReform]

Hey guys, been lurking this thread quite a bit. So going to tell my story and would like to hear your input. So me and the ex have had a very rough year. We had a long distance relationship for 4 months, went from living together to away from each other when I got back because I was suppose to be away for a while and we both had big family troubles which def affected us and the relationship.

So me and the ex broke up in mid Aug for about a month. We both had a lot going on and she felt as if we weren't connecting and she just couldn't do it. Well I begged her back for a week like an idiot then went NC for a cpl weeks. Branched out and asked if she wanted to grab a bite, she said not at first but we ended up going out. Well once we did that I went back to her house and we stayed up till 6am talking all night and got back together. Things were great the first two months. In mid Nov I started to get a really bad depression with my family troubles and it was affecting the relationship. I was never there in the moment I was always in a distant haze not really feeling for anything. I guess that was my way of dealing with it. Well in that time I lost my ambition, passion and other things. The first two months we were amazing literally talking every day, connecting, she wanted to get married, wanted a house and everything. We were supposed to be each other soul mates. Well things started to get worse and worse with us. The passion was lacking due to my depression and she was stressing out big time to. Well anyways we went on a trip and got back a week before we broke up. The trip was really good, it was the most comftorable I've ever seen her around me and we both made a million plans for the future. We did fight the last day and it was a lot of the day so it ended on kind of a bad note but we talked the whole drive home which was a bout 20 hours. When we got home she was distant but also very tired all week.We work together as a company but we only hung out twice that week. When we hung out on a Thurs we got into a big fight but made up and a lot of things were said but we said we were gonna work them out. On Sat she wanted to be on her own but I surprised her with flowers. Well when I did I scared the **** out of her because I came in unannounced. Her first reaction was to be scared ****less lol. Anyways when I saw that all the emotions came in and I could barely talk and was really distant and weird.(this was emotions from my last year which was very tough) We watched part of a show but I left after it and didn't say much. I was overwhelmed with everything in my life. Well anyways we didn't talk till Mon morning when she came over to break up for me.
Like an idiot I begged for her back 3 or 4 diff times. I wrote her a letter explaining what happened with the flowers and what I have been going though. No response from her. I also a week later made a scrapbook of all our memories and saying what we were and I wasn't giving up. She wanted to see emotion and see me fight for something before we broke up but my mind was pretty gone at that time.(dumb I know) Well she never responded to that either. So now I'm back on NC. It's been 3 days so far.
Not really sure what I'm trying to get at. I really want another shot, she literally had almost zero bad qualities. Seriously, 10/10 looks, high six figure job and her heart was deeper than a ocean and played 0 games. So now I'm sitting here driving myself crazy about the situation with no job. (we worked together, it was her company so I don't have a job now.)
Anyways I'm really suffering right now, I'm driving myself crazy with boredom and thinking about the situation all the time. I can't sleep, barely eat but still hitting the gym strong. I dunno I guess I'm hoping theres still a chance. Going NC until or if she contacts me now. Ive done all I can and probably pushed her away more. She broke up with me but still loves or loved me just thinks were two diff people and she wanted me to be something she thought I wasn't. (not true I was just depressed and wasn't myself) I know she wanted things to work out and isn't looking for anyone right now. I want to make this salvageable unfortunately the best thing I can do is nothing at all. It just sucks I was there for her for so many bouts of depression for her and she left me. She was fighting the week before but I was so lost I barely noticed the situation. The last fight we had she said she would marry me on the spot some days and other days were like that (fighting). Anyways not sure why I wrote this guess I just needed to get this out. Yeah brahs pretty shooken up still and its been a month since we broke up.

I had the same thing happen (with depression) and being dumped because of it. Fact is man- You shouldn't have to feel bad for being depressed. Seriously, I did the same thing; beat myself up a midst the boredom and loneliness of the breakup. Women are fuked up man, why the hell should you be beating yourself up BECAUSE you were depressed? You gotta think, what kind of relationship is that? Instead of her being supportive and sticking by your side while you are in a bad spot, she adds to it by dumping you. How would a marriage of worked with this girl?

Sure my ex was good looking, perfect body, decent job, never played games, extrememly caring. BUT she left me because of my circumstances and pulled the same BS saying shiit like "you aren't who I thought you were"... WELL I was depressed because of my situation so of course I wouldn't be acting like myself. I got lines from my ex like "we didn't even know eachother" after 2.5 years...?

Honestly man, you shouldn't feel bad because you were feeling bad (that is such a backwards mindset it makes no goddamn sense).
I can understand that it would bring extra stress into the relationship somewhat because I did the same shiit by walling myself off and becoming kind of hollow as far as emotions in the relationship go. HOWEVER, this girl was talking about marrying you (same as mine was) SOOO because you were going through a bad time, she forgot how you usually were or how good things were before or how much potential the relationship had? The thing is man- Circumstances are constantly changing, obviously you wouldn't have stayed depressed forever. Hell, I am the happiest now I have been in 2 years and I have a lot more going on for myself; if my ex would have stuck it out a few more months things would have changed. I realize my ex was fighting for the relationship, but the point is that SHE GAVE UP when I never did. Even though I was the most depressed I have ever been in my entire life I still gave her my attention and did still show her how much I cared about here, it wasn't just emotionless vibes coming from me all the time and she knew damn well WHY I was depressed at times.

I lost all hope in my situation but never lost the motivation or stopped trying to make it better (even though she said I seemed unmotivated and unreliable as well as saying that I lacked drive and ambition) that was just how I appeared on the surface I suppose, but if she had ever had a meaningful conversation with me about it, she would have realized that deep down all of that was still there.
You cant delude yourself into thinking that she cared about you soooo much and your depression just fuked everything up, if she cared about you so much she would have stuck with you through your hard times in order to find more good times with you.

If you are still feeling depressed and lacking the drive to get out of that rut I highly suggest this video-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f9V-J3hHrwo

Feel free to PM me bro.

[Rambo66]

I had the same thing happen (with depression) and being dumped because of it. Fact is man- You shouldn't have to feel bad for being depressed. Seriously, I did the same thing; beat myself up a midst the boredom and loneliness of the breakup. Women are fuked up man, why the hell should you be beating yourself up BECAUSE you were depressed? You gotta think, what kind of relationship is that? Instead of her being supportive and sticking by your side while you are in a bad spot, she adds to it by dumping you. How would a marriage of worked with this girl?

Sure my ex was good looking, perfect body, decent job, never played games, extrememly caring. BUT she left me because of my circumstances and pulled the same BS saying shiit like "you aren't who I thought you were"... WELL I was depressed because of my situation so of course I wouldn't be acting like myself. I got lines from my ex like "we didn't even know eachother" after 2.5 years...?

Honestly man, you shouldn't feel bad because you were feeling bad (that is such a backwards mindset it makes no goddamn sense).
I can understand that it would bring extra stress into the relationship somewhat because I did the same shiit by walling myself off and becoming kind of hollow as far as emotions in the relationship go. HOWEVER, this girl was talking about marrying you (same as mine was) SOOO because you were going through a bad time, she forgot how you usually were or how good things were before or how much potential the relationship had? The thing is man- Circumstances are constantly changing, obviously you wouldn't have stayed depressed forever. Hell, I am the happiest now I have been in 2 years and I have a lot more going on for myself; if my ex would have stuck it out a few more months things would have changed.
You cant delude yourself into thinking that she cared about you soooo much and your depression just fuked everything up, if she cared about you so much she would have stuck with you through your hard times in order to find more good times with you.

Thanks man that really helped. I think her main issue was she thought she was trying to change me and make me someone who she thought I wasn't. That wasn't the case at all me being numb pushed her away and made me care about superficial things. Unfortunately theres is nothing I can do she hasn't wanted to talk since the two times I saw her the first week after we broke up.

[CarsonPalmer]

So we officially broke up a week ago. Yesterday she blows up my phone begging me to come back. I said i would meet up with her to discuss the final dividing of things. So i came over and she begged for hours for me to stay, pretty much downplaying all ive gone through the past 3-4 months regarding how horrible she treated me. She asked how i could just throw away 5 years of our relationship for a bad couple months.

I stayed rational and cool. I reminded her of every single reason that she wanted the break and space in the first place and how she essentially tore my heart out after we got back from our vacation where we were trying to patch things up. Fuark bros. i have never been this mean to anyone in my entire life, and now i feel like complete shiit. I feel like she turned it so i am now the bad person, yet when i look back on everything ive gone through i know i made the right decision to not take her back. So many feels and not goid ones. I feel horrible

Adding on to my last post...

Its weird too because i was doing relatively ok for the first week of the breakup. I guess i just knew that we both mutually agreed to the breakup gave me some comfort. Now that she begged me to come back i am questioning literally everything.

[ReflexReform]

Thanks man that really helped. I think her main issue was she thought she was trying to change me and make me someone who she thought I wasn't. That wasn't the case at all me being numb pushed her away and made me care about superficial things. Unfortunately theres is nothing I can do she hasn't wanted to talk since the two times I saw her the first week after we broke up.

No problem bro.
Same case here, she refused to talk to me before or after the breakup. She thought she was trying to change me, and I explained myself 1000X over and over through ********, but she would never reply unless to tell me to leave her alone. She acted like I did something wrong to her, all because I had been in a rut and was depressed for a good amount of time. I did the same thing kind of pushing my ex away with my numbness and depression, but it was more or less because I knew there was nothing she could do to make my situation better and I was trying to handle it on my own. The fact of the matter is that this girl should have talked about things with you and allowed you to explain yourself.

You really have to think, you were talking about getting married with this girl; does she not think that talking through problems is part of marriage? Was it just supposed to be rainbows and unicorns every day?
As I have explained to several people on this thread since I have been on here- Unconditional love is the foundation for lasting relationships, if she loved you unconditionally then she would not have left you because conditions changed temporarily. Nothing very good or very bad in life lasts for very long, something in the situation will always change.

Imagine this- What if you were married to her and had kids and then something happened, you lost your job and became depressed for a year. Do you think she would have stayed with you through that just because you were married with kids? Or is it safe to assume that she would have pulled the same shiit. Because the fact that she pulled this shiit at all (after talking about marriage seriously) should be extremely alarming. Relationships don't run on chances, ultimatums or trade offs in exchange for love. Love should be a mutual agreement that is never compromised at the first sight of opposition.

Sure, she had a lot going for her and seemed like the perfect girl so you feel like you lost a good catch. But there will be others man, I am sure at the moment you are even more depressed and confused than you were before she left; but this will pass too. The fact that she left you in a hard time should be the only thing you are focusing on right now, forget all of her good qualities; because she certainly didn't consider all of your good qualities when she left you in a bad spot.

I did the same fukin thing man, sitting around kicking myself for being depressed, wishing I could fix things asking for chances. Reaching out constantly with a different approach trying to get her to understand (even though she knew what I was going through) but she would never hear me out, so NC was the only way to go because that is what she wanted.

I had to imagine it like I was playing Super Mario. She said she wanted to play the game with you and was determined to beat it. Well you came up on some hard times so (a hard level in the game). Well if you want to beat the game(get married and have a lasting relationship) then you keep repeating the level until you find a way to beat it (overcome the obstacles in the relationship). There will always be tough levels or bosses that piss you off in the game and make you want to turn it off, but you always come back to it and try again until you beat that level because the end goal was to beat the game and you never lose sight of that. Well she decided to quit because the level was too hard for her and she didn't feel like trying anymore, meanwhile you were sitting there getting beat down by bowser(depression) repeatedly and were counting on your partner to be there for you when you beat the level. You never gave up man, she did. It is all on her at this point, people have their own ways of coping with stress in their lives and she didn't respect what you were dealing with. It is not your fault at all, so don't beat yourself up about it, it wont change the past and no matter how many different things you think of to say to her it will most likely have zero affect on her.

Matter of fact the more things you try to say to her, the worse she will probably see you at this point since she already proved she doesn't respect you or value you in this heated situation. Contact coming from you (even though you mean well and have true intentions) will come off as needy, insecure, possessive/ obsessive or resentful from her perspective because she doesn't see you in a positive light at the moment.
Only thing you can do is live your life and better yourself and MAYBE in time she will remember the positive things about you and see the way you have turned your life around and reconsider her decision, but don't count on it; actually expect it not to happen. Because where you are now, you need to take care of yourself and the only person you can always count on 100% of the time is YOU.

You have explained yourself and she didn't want to hear it, so IF she contacts you then you will know it was her decision and she is legit interested. Besides, you shouldn't need to chase someone or prove your worth to anyone, that is just demoralizing and is putting her on a high horse that she doesn't even know how to ride.

[ReflexReform]

Adding on to my last post...

Its weird too because i was doing relatively ok for the first week of the breakup. I guess i just knew that we both mutually agreed to the breakup gave me some comfort. Now that she begged me to come back i am questioning literally everything.

You can give it a trial period or some shiit if you really feel that questionable about the situation. Given It was a mutual breakup I wouldn't see too much harm in that, but if it was more her decision to breakup then It seems like she is regretting her idea pretty badly. If you still want to make things work with her, then go ahead and hear her out. Its all your decision man, its your life. So do what you feel is best for you. If you see a life with this girl and can forget the past and are willing to take that chance that the same thing will happen again then go for it. But you have to remember there could always be someone much better or much worse out there waiting for you. I usually try to ride my relationships out to the end so that everything is final and there are ZERO questions or what ifs because those tend to haunt me.

[CarsonPalmer]

You can give it a trial period or some shiit if you really feel that questionable about the situation. Given It was a mutual breakup I wouldn't see too much harm in that, but if it was more her decision to breakup then It seems like she is regretting her idea pretty badly. If you still want to make things work with her, then go ahead and hear her out. Its all your decision man, its your life. So do what you feel is best for you. If you see a life with this girl and can forget the past and are willing to take that chance that the same thing will happen again then go for it. But you have to remember there could always be someone much better or much worse out there waiting for you. I usually try to ride my relationships out to the end so that everything is final and there are ZERO questions or what ifs because those tend to haunt me.

Idk brah i felt like i gave literally every effort possible. Idk if you remember any of my other posts but ive been mindfuked by her for the past 3-4 months. It shouldnt have taken us ending things for her to realize how great she actually had it. She goes off and says we need space/break 3mo ago. Then goes and parties every weekend, gets tattoos, etc. Then we go on a vacation we planned a while back, thinking this would help us. Vacation was awesome, but then she goes right back to her ways afterward. We break up. Then this shiit happens and she flips out when i move out. It felt like she thought she could still have me on her command even while we were broken up until i grabbed my shiit and moved out. Just fuking tired of my emotions being played and being miserable for the past 4 months. Just venting my thoughts. I could be wrong, but thats how i feel about it

[Rambo66]

No problem bro.
Same case here, she refused to talk to me before or after the breakup. She thought she was trying to change me, and I explained myself 1000X over and over through ********, but she would never reply unless to tell me to leave her alone. She acted like I did something wrong to her, all because I had been in a rut and was depressed for a good amount of time. I did the same thing kind of pushing my ex away with my numbness and depression, but it was more or less because I knew there was nothing she could do to make my situation better and I was trying to handle it on my own. The fact of the matter is that this girl should have talked about things with you and allowed you to explain yourself.

You really have to think, you were talking about getting married with this girl; does she not think that talking through problems is part of marriage? Was it just supposed to be rainbows and unicorns every day?
As I have explained to several people on this thread since I have been on here- Unconditional love is the foundation for lasting relationships, if she loved you unconditionally then she would not have left you because conditions changed temporarily. Nothing very good or very bad in life lasts for very long, something in the situation will always change.

Imagine this- What if you were married to her and had kids and then something happened, you lost your job and became depressed for a year. Do you think she would have stayed with you through that just because you were married with kids? Or is it safe to assume that she would have pulled the same shiit. Because the fact that she pulled this shiit at all (after talking about marriage seriously) should be extremely alarming. Relationships don't run on chances, ultimatums or trade offs in exchange for love. Love should be a mutual agreement that is never compromised at the first sight of opposition.

Sure, she had a lot going for her and seemed like the perfect girl so you feel like you lost a good catch. But there will be others man, I am sure at the moment you are even more depressed and confused than you were before she left; but this will pass too. The fact that she left you in a hard time should be the only thing you are focusing on right now, forget all of her good qualities; because she certainly didn't consider all of your good qualities when she left you in a bad spot.

I did the same fukin thing man, sitting around kicking myself for being depressed, wishing I could fix things asking for chances. Reaching out constantly with a different approach trying to get her to understand (even though she knew what I was going through) but she would never hear me out, so NC was the only way to go because that is what she wanted.

I had to imagine it like I was playing Super Mario. She said she wanted to play the game with you and was determined to beat it. Well you came up on some hard times so (a hard level in the game). Well if you want to beat the game(get married and have a lasting relationship) then you keep repeating the level until you find a way to beat it (overcome the obstacles in the relationship). There will always be tough levels or bosses that piss you off in the game and make you want to turn it off, but you always come back to it and try again until you beat that level because the end goal was to beat the game and you never lose sight of that. Well she decided to quit because the level was too hard for her and she didn't feel like trying anymore, meanwhile you were sitting there getting beat down by bowser(depression) repeatedly and were counting on your partner to be there for you when you beat the level. You never gave up man, she did. It is all on her at this point, people have their own ways of coping with stress in their lives and she didn't respect what you were dealing with. It is not your fault at all, so don't beat yourself up about it, it wont change the past and no matter how many different things you think of to say to her it will most likely have zero affect on her.

Matter of fact the more things you try to say to her, the worse she will probably see you at this point since she already proved she doesn't respect you or value you in this heated situation. Contact coming from you (even though you mean well and have true intentions) will come off as needy, insecure, possessive/ obsessive or resentful from her perspective because she doesn't see you in a positive light at the moment.
Only thing you can do is live your life and better yourself and MAYBE in time she will remember the positive things about you and see the way you have turned your life around and reconsider her decision, but don't count on it; actually expect it not to happen. Because where you are now, you need to take care of yourself and the only person you can always count on 100% of the time is YOU.

You have explained yourself and she didn't want to hear it, so IF she contacts you then you will know it was her decision and she is legit interested. Besides, you shouldn't need to chase someone or prove your worth to anyone, that is just demoralizing and is putting her on a high horse that she doesn't even know how to ride.

Wow that helped a lot. I know I have to focus on myself I really do. She even said it as well that her and I need to focus on ourselves for a while. Your situation seems so similar to mine. Did your ex ever come back? I can't count on it but I can do everything to work on myself and maybe she comes back.

[ReflexReform]

Idk brah i felt like i gave literally every effort possible. Idk if you remember any of my other posts but ive been mindfuked by her for the past 3-4 months. It shouldnt have taken us ending things for her to realize how great she actually had it. She goes off and says we need space/break 3mo ago. Then goes and parties every weekend, gets tattoos, etc. Then we go on a vacation we planned a while back, thinking this would help us. Vacation was awesome, but then she goes right back to her ways afterward. We break up. Then this shiit happens and she flips out when i move out. It felt like she thought she could still have me on her command even while we were broken up until i grabbed my shiit and moved out. Just fuking tired of my emotions being played and being miserable for the past 4 months. Just venting my thoughts. I could be wrong, but thats how i feel about it

Yeah that is pretty sketchy behavior. Idk how old she is, but that sounds like some shiit a 21-22 yr old girl would do that is new to the bar scene and wants to "explore her opportunities". Idk man, its on you bro. If you feel like it is going to eat at you, then you might as well give it a final shot to know for sure you made the right decision. The way I see it is that it would be even easier to handle a second time. But it could just be that she is throwing a fit now, because she thought that she could have her cake and eat it too. Once you ran off she lost her power. She could just be trying to do whatever she has to do in order to get you back and she may revert back to that behavior after a few months when things calm down. Could just take shiit really slow with her and reevaluate the relationship with her and if she is worth it. But like I said, it is really about what YOU want at this point its not about what she wants after the way she acted. There is really too many possibilities to predict what her motives are or what her behavior will turn into once this storm passes.

[Rambo66]

Here's a question for ya Reform. My ex basically said a cpl days before we broke up I barely show emotion and fight for the relationship. Well when we broke up 3 weeks after I gave her a scrapbook on her doorstep. A week after the email so seemed kinda desperate but anyways. It had a lot of pictures and really touching words about our relationship. Most thoughtful thing I have done. We were together for 3 years and she still loved me when we broke up. Will that invoke some emotion in her? I really hope it does and think it will I also think I might have shot myself in the foot with it. She took me off of all social media after but anyways I hope it makes her think atleast.

[crazymofo01]

Ex reached out to me. In tears, saying the worst mistake she'd ever made, she loved me, what was she thinking, etc. Never met such a kind man as me and it freaked her out after previous relationships constantly gave her the runaround.

Took two weeks of NC after the "Do not call me anymore" speech that I gave her. Clearly saw that I meant it when I said I'd never call her again (and I wouldn't have done either).

Going to see her over a Starbucks. Going to play it objectively and cooly. Why would it be different if I gave you another chance etc....

Good luck bro. I met the ex over starbucks and we reconciled and she left 1 day shy of a week later. It is a tough situation bro but hope it works out for you.

[ReflexReform]

Here's a question for ya Reform. My ex basically said a cpl days before we broke up I barely show emotion and fight for the relationship. Well when we broke up 3 weeks after I gave her a scrapbook on her doorstep. A week after the email so seemed kinda desperate but anyways. It had a lot of pictures and really touching words about our relationship. Most thoughtful thing I have done. We were together for 3 years and she still loved me when we broke up. Will that invoke some emotion in her? I really hope it does and think it will I also think I might have shot myself in the foot with it. She took me off of all social media after but anyways I hope it makes her think atleast.

I'm sure it may have envoked some emotion in her. Thing is bro, women think a lot differently than us from what I have noticed over the years. Once they turn cold it is damn near impossible to heat them back up. My ex told me straight up "she really loved me and always will, but she just doesn't want to try in the relationship anymore" I tried EVERYTHING bro. Told her the nicest shiit, promised her change and provided a solution to every problem. I started making changes and it was like she was even more pissed that I made the changes after she left me when I didn't make them when we were together. She did not consider one bit that I was caught up in my own mess and had no perspective until after the breakup. She got back with me for one day, just to dump me again the next morning and never initiated contact with me again. She would respond but only to tell me to leave her alone and that I am making things worse. I fought for my ex for 2 almost 3 months after the breakup (on and off NC because I thought reaching out would prove how much I cared) it did absolutely nothing to help and actually pushed her further away.
Same thing happened to CrazyMofo after 14 years with his ex, she got back with him because he got to her heart with a message (because he was fighting for the relationship). But she left him again within a few days.

I would expect that she felt something from the nice things you did, but honestly once they turn cold it basically means all interest/ attraction has left the arena. There is a chance that it will come back, but it has to be because she really wants it to. (if you already explained why you were acting the way you were and why you weren't making the relationship a priority, then leave it at that and she should understand). Then again after a breakup women think with their mind, which is usually illogical especially after a breakup. They don't think with their feelings like we do after a breakup. It is really hard to say what she is thinking, but given she hasn't contacted you then I would say she has built up a pretty big emotional wall and the only one that can chisel it down is her.

[ReflexReform]

Wow that helped a lot. I know I have to focus on myself I really do. She even said it as well that her and I need to focus on ourselves for a while. Your situation seems so similar to mine. Did your ex ever come back? I can't count on it but I can do everything to work on myself and maybe she comes back.

Yeah, very similar situations for sure man. I needed to work on myself and sort out my own life, I couldn't focus on the relationship 100% because I myself wasn't 100%. However, we were long distance and my situation made it pretty hard for us to plan closing the distance. But we did have a plan that involved me joining the Airforce Reserves and moving in with her(cross country)/ finding a job there. She ended the relationship right after I agreed to this plan to close the distance and used the excuse of "she thinks she cant rely on me" because I was unemployed for a while trying to get into the Active Duty Army and shiit just wasn't happening (because of paperwork complications- long story). So I understand somewhat why my ex left me, but at the same time it wasn't the only way to handle things, especially after talking about getting engaged and planning it out and everything (she went as far as sending me pictures of rings she was going to get me and visaversa) as soon as my situation improved.

My ex suggested we date other people for a while (I told her that shiit wont fly) a month before the breakup. It has almost been 6 months and have not heard one word from her, been complete No Contact for nearly 3 months. She told me during the breakup that she would "contact me when she was ready" well at this point I don't really expect her to contact me, but for some god forsaken reason there is still a small part of me that is hoping that she will at some point. It really sucks that she left things so damn open ended, but It wasn't my decision and had very little to do with me from what I have gathered post breakup.

[Rambo66]

Wow thanks again bro. Situation seems so damn similar. I joined my ex with her job to help her and we were going to do that for the rest of our lives but things change obvs. It sucks because I dropped my job to help her and we lasted 4 months working together and we were still getting used to it yet I didn't show enough iniative apparently. What even sucks more is we used to live together and we got along fine but had to take a year off of living together for my job and we were getting a house next month. Ahh it's annoying but feels good to get it out. Gotta move on. Def not dealing with a relationship for a long time haha.

[ReflexReform]

Wow thanks again bro. Situation seems so damn similar. I joined my ex with her job to help her and we were going to do that for the rest of our lives but things change obvs. It sucks because I dropped my job to help her and we lasted 4 months working together and we were still getting used to it yet I didn't show enough iniative apparently. What even sucks more is we used to live together and we got along fine but had to take a year off of living together for my job and we were getting a house next month. Ahh it's annoying but feels good to get it out. Gotta move on. Def not dealing with a relationship for a long time haha.

lol same here man, ive experienced enough drama and disappointment to probably last me a few good years. Next time I get into the game Ill be on a different step of the ladder. Not messing around with indecisive women anymore. Just acts as a distraction from self growth, if a girl wants to be a part of my life then she can make herself a part of it. But I refuse to go out of my way to make myself a part of someone else's life. Been there, done that and it never works out to my advantage. Always ends in me getting dusted when I made someone the center of my life. My ex always said how she couldn't wait to get married, but I was the one trying to plan my life around hers. The second I asked her to change something in her life to be able to fit into my life, her whole demeanor changed. She didn't like the idea of following me cross country, but I was fine with following her. It could have worked either way, but I would have had a much more stable life in the Active military rather than the Reserves and she agreed(at least on the surface) but I think she held a lot of resentment that I didn't immediately take the chance to move in with her (even though she had only had her apartment 3 months and when we discussed me moving in she didn't even have an apartment yet). It is all very confusing. Guess the bottom line is that she left me and talked non stop shiit about me after the breakup like I was some terrible person that I know I'm not. Fuk all that shiit, she can justify it however she wants. But I know I'm not who she painted me out to be. Also, I was quite scared to sign a 6 year contract to live in a city where I knew no one and take the chance of having basically the same thing that happened to you happen to me, and I would be dependent on her for a place to stay there as well. I cant ride that much on a girl that seemed indecisive at the time.

[Comboking]

Both agreed we needed space, she was really interested but just got out of a relationship, we were seeing each other alot over the course of a couple of months.
Finally decided she still wasnt over her ex, so i had to start no contact with her saturday.
First few days are tough as fuk
I am at the point where i can still see myself looking forward to talking to her in a couple days about something or inviting her out to something to realize thats not possible
Worst thing about it all is we both agreed on it but she decided to block my snapchat and whatsapp, not sure about texting/calls
Plan is to break no contact May 1st, which will give her 3months, but by then i may lose any interest but who knows.
This is a unique case of no contact i think, its more of a recovery period for her. For all i know currently we still both like each other, but she is fresh out of a relationship for another. So a couple months down the line if she comes back saying she is ready sure thats awesome, but also this no contact will help me incase she does not come back either.

[Cadet4life]

hang in there brahs. i have to say not seeing them is def the best way to keep NC, social media, in person, ect.

almost broke it when i saw her at the gym last friday... fought the urge to talk to her. damn we used to have the most in depth/fun conversations... but a nikka cannot fade being the side dude

[BirdOfFreedom]

I'll share my story. My ex and I had been dating for a year and a half and living together for roughly 6 months. Through our relationship there were plenty of ups and downs. We had a great sex life (she told me I'm the first guy that's ever made her orgasm during intercourse). She fell in love hard, talked about marrying me, wanting kids, planned future together, etc.

But She had a ton of baggage. Father lives in another country and doesn't care to be in her life, her previous bf died while they were still together. But I ignored the red flags because I felt a connection. Fast forward to four weeks ago, we got in another argument on the phone. She told me she wanted space. I declined and told her I'd need to go no contact if she wanted space.

She has contacted me numerous times. She sent me a long wall of text saying how she wishes I could be apart of her life, how she has problems, etc....I ignored. I received another text saying "are we ever going to talk? I hate leaving things on a sour note. I wish we could talk.".....and that is the last text she sent. Im not sure what there is to talk about? Maybe she wants closure? But I will say, I played a large part of her needing space. I felt locked into a relationship, I felt like I settled big time (family and friends tell me it). I also resented her for a lot of different things. She is very immature. I do love her, its difficult. I am tempted to text her back from the text she sent a week ago. Thoughts?

[AlSwearengens]

I'm 8 weeks NC today. I'm solid as a Rock. Stay strong. Don't cave in. Never Ever!! Life is so much better single

[ReflexReform]

I'll share my story. My ex and I had been dating for a year and a half and living together for roughly 6 months. Through our relationship there were plenty of ups and downs. We had a great sex life (she told me I'm the first guy that's ever made her orgasm during intercourse). She fell in love hard, talked about marrying me, wanting kids, planned future together, etc.

But She had a ton of baggage. Father lives in another country and doesn't care to be in her life, her previous bf died while they were still together. But I ignored the red flags because I felt a connection. Fast forward to four weeks ago, we got in another argument on the phone. She told me she wanted space. I declined and told her I'd need to go no contact if she wanted space.

She has contacted me numerous times. She sent me a long wall of text saying how she wishes I could be apart of her life, how she has problems, etc....I ignored. I received another text saying "are we ever going to talk? I hate leaving things on a sour note. I wish we could talk.".....and that is the last text she sent. Im not sure what there is to talk about? Maybe she wants closure? But I will say, I played a large part of her needing space. I felt locked into a relationship, I felt like I settled big time (family and friends tell me it). I also resented her for a lot of different things. She is very immature. I do love her, its difficult. I am tempted to text her back from the text she sent a week ago. Thoughts?

Reasons she asked for space? Could they have been resolved? Did you make any attempts to resolve things before agreeing to this space? I always tell girls straight up I don't do the "i need space thing" either you want to be in a relationship and work through problems or you want to break up, there is no in between. Given, it depends on what kind of space she was asking for. If you were crowding her space, possibly she was just trying to let you know that you were smothering her. There are a lot of unknowns here bro.

[ReflexReform]

I'm 8 weeks NC today. I'm solid as a Rock. Stay strong. Don't cave in. Never Ever!! Life is so much better single

Words of wisdom.