The No Contact Thread v3.0: I'll Hug You Bro No Homo.

[ReflexReform]

Had a bad dream about my ex from years ago. He was an awful person and it was an abusive relationship. No idea why he came to mind (no residual feelings toward him, not even anger) but I woke up and immediately my thoughts went right back to this guy.

It's an odd in limbo feeling, like that space between sleep and awake. I feel ok and yet at the same time, feel very sad and especially abandoned. I'd gladly take the rollercoaster of emotions over this. How can someone throw you away like garbage? Like...nothing after THEY did you wrong? After you stupidly wanted to talk things through? I guess he really never cared, you can't just disappear from someone you cared for... even now I wish he would come back and...I don't know.

And as for the "women this and that," I'm not a lesbian and all the *******s who screwed me over were MEN. I sure as hell am not labeling the entire gender over some idiot's actions.

I apparently can't ever manage a small post so here goes a wall of text for ya.

My ex did the same thing. She has not contacted me once since the break up. It really makes you wonder if they were really sincere at all the entire relationship, if they really cared at all. I certainly feel like I loved my ex unconditionally, but I do not feel that she reciprocated the feeling after the way I have been treated after doing literally nothing but be there for her in any way possible. If she truly did then there is no way she can just cut someone out like that and never look back unless she can literally just turn her emotions off like a light switch. It is not human at all. It is nothing less than demoralizing. And yes, the same as you and your ex; I still care and love this girl regardless of how she has acted. I try to justify her behavior by beating myself up over my faults however big or small they were as well as the circumstances surrounding the relationship. Either way, there is no excuse for going from telling someone you will always be by their side to cutting them out of your life the very next day.

The thing is, that isn't love. You deserve better, you know you do, we know you do and all of your friends/ family have probably told you the exact same thing. It is hard to accept that someone we cared so much about has the capability to just throw us in the garbage like we were just an old shirt they didn't feel like holding on to anymore. It is probably more painful than actually going to a funeral, because they are not gone and are still well alive living their lives but it seems like we are dead to them. Knowing full well that they could talk to us and they are still out there somewhere just choosing to have nothing to do with us when we did nothing but try to show them we cared.

You have to take all of that love, energy and emotion that you were giving to him and give it to yourself. You matter more than he does, even though your heart is telling you that things could work out; would you really want to be with a man that you need to convince to be with you? That you have to constantly prove your worth to? That you repeatedly have to earn his love? You deserve so much better than what you are getting right now. Even if he was to turn around and take you back once he has had time to cool off, you would just be waiting for the other foot to drop again and that is no way to live; constantly walking on eggshells, trying to live up to his standards/expectations. What this guy is displaying is not unconditional love, (like I have said about many other situations on here) it is extremely conditional love and selfish at best; it is conditional on his mood, expectations, attitude, changing interests ect. Whatever it is conditional on at this point it is not solely focused on you, who you are or what you have to offer. It is about what HE wants not YOU or your relationship and that says nothing about you and everything about him.

You are a beautiful girl and in great shape, you have a good heart and considering how you are still racking your mind over this guy I would say you are as loyal as any girl could be. Please, for your own sake and your mental health do not let yourself fall back into a pattern with this guy if he ever shows back up after ghosting you and try your best to move on from this experience knowing that someone better is out there for you.

[ReflexReform]

I feel like my ex really didn't want to end shiit but just couldn't deal with the distance any longer and had become too depressed and possibly thought the distance was too painful and perhaps becoming a waste of time/ effort. Maybe I am just trying to justify her actions because I still have feelings for her. Either way, I truly hope she is happy whether she ends up with me (unlikely) or with someone else. Even though she straight up ghosted me I have nothing bad to say about her character or her as a person, it is rather her actions that I cannot come to terms with and I suppose that is why I have had such a hard time coping with this break up. Just nothing worse than that feeling of being tossed and torched by someone you cared about with all you had and not understanding how they could do it.

[Flexish]

ReflexReform you are an amazing soul, thank you so much. You really lifted my spirits . I don't know how someone could give you up. I pray you continue to heal and give your love to someone deserving.

As much as you guys think there are awful gurls out there, the opposite remains as well. Cheaters. Sneakers. Having side girls who think they're the only one. People in general are screwed up.

I'm not one to enjoy someone's suffering, but this thread does remind me there are guys who love deeply and are honest and faithful. It's hard out there. This guy praised me for being "different and not like those other girls who play games and lie..." but he became the male equivalent of what he hated...and yet I wasn't enough but somehow, whoever that girl is probably is.... Geeze.

[crazymofo01]

I was so hopeful. She essentially closed that door and that's a done deal. Now that you know for sure with no lingering "what ifs" it should be blinders on to healing. You gave it another try and won't ever have the "if only I had..." over your head.

Yes that is just it. The first time around I thought I could have done more maybe she made a mistake. I did my part here and she showed me this is who she truly is. I can rest easy that I did all I could, it is done now. I still hope she regrets it one day but really it doesn't even matter at this point. Let's see, cheated on me, dumped me twice and I want her? I need to step out of the box to see the situation for what it is because it is just crazy...

[crazymofo01]

Good pick me up song I been bumping lately, dmx.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iscwwbcGfjY

[BradKemp]

Age doesn't matter in any situation. Hell, my dad went through 2 divorces (a kid with both women) and the second one he was nearly 40. He managed to find a new wife that was a nurse and they have been together ever since, that was nearly 15 years ago.

You are at that age when women become abundant, they are all looking to settle down and most have fully matured by that point. So chances of you finding a new/ better woman for you at your age are a lot better than 20-30 year old guys on this thread considering how women transform and change shapes/ mindsets like Optimus Prime in their 20's.

It can make things harder from a mans perspective. Especially since I'm in school right now and don't even have a job. Men my age should be successful and be able to support a family. There are lots of women that don't care (like my x and x before her) but a lot of women expect a man to have his chit together.

The other thing is most women over 30 are unattractive. They age terribly.

[BradKemp]

Your ex sounds pretty out of line.

You are right about holding on to our exes because of the connection we built with them. The thing I am trying to grasp is the fact that my ex has been doing nothing but try to destroy that connection. I never cheated, never abused her physically or emotionally, always told her how pretty she was, always treated her like gold as best I could... This is the treatment I get in return.

No one deserves what your ex is putting you through, not only finding a new guy but rubbing it in your face like that.

I went on POF and a few other dating sites right after my break up as well, I suppose for some sort of self validation to try and fill that emptiness with some sort of attention from women. Well, that was just too much too soon for me. It was pointless for me, I found other women attractive but my game was off and I was feeling borderline insane from being in complete shock/panic mode trying to understand the breakup. Actually stood up a girl and felt pretty damn bad about it.. Given I was moving away from that city in 2 weeks I figured it would be better to just not take the chick out then skip town rather than take her out once and disappear.

I also bailed on a couple dates with women. Like you I didn't feel like my game was right. I felt insecure and basically didn't care about the outcome so I just didn't go. I'm not in a great place but I think its better to put in effort. I think the 'work on yourself' thing is an excuse to not go out and meet other women. As long as you are 'working on yourself' you give yourself a free pass to sit at home and let the days tick by while others are making connections.

I think you really need to just forget about your x man. 5 months is long time to be waiting around..

[ReflexReform]

It can make things harder from a mans perspective. Especially since I'm in school right now and don't even have a job. Men my age should be successful and be able to support a family. There are lots of women that don't care (like my x and x before her) but a lot of women expect a man to have his chit together.

The other thing is most women over 30 are unattractive. They age terribly.

Well I am in that same situation, trying to get my shiit together so I hear you on that man but that doesn't mean that your life wont turn around soon. You are already in school so in 3-4 years you could be completely caught up. Besides, do you really want a woman that doesn't date you for your potential and solely for your looks/current job? What happens if you lose that job? If I was you I would just worry about what you need to do, the women will find you. Make friends with someone that works in a hospital, that is where all the good looking ones are at.

[BradKemp]

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Brad, please stop entertaining that woman. :/ She doesn't even know what she wants, cut the puppet strings and having her make you dance.

I know. I think I might have to block her number. Its hard to NC her when she still calls/texts 5 times a day.

Eventually I pick up the phone just to see what it is. And its nothing. Its always nothing.

[ReflexReform]

Good pick me up song I been bumping lately, dmx.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iscwwbcGfjY

Bringin back DMX! Haven't listened to DMX in probably 10 years been a minute!

I saw "my life" and instantly thought of this song-
Grits- My life be like
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-yCg-0-baE

[ReflexReform]

I know. I think I might have to block her number. Its hard to NC her when she still calls/texts 5 times a day.

Eventually I pick up the phone just to see what it is. And its nothing. Its always nothing.

You have to think about it man. If she is still blowing up your phone 5 times a day, she would probably lose her mind if you stopped entertaining her calls. She would be banging down your door. Don't put up with that shiit man. She left you, so why the hell is she calling if it isn't to get back together? I am not suggesting being mean or cutting the girl down for calling, but I would tell her it is pretty damn confusing and needs to stop if she wants nothing to do with you.

[crazymofo01]

All us brahs need to maintain that NC heavy. Learn from my fukk up and just maintain that ****.

[CarsonPalmer]

Day 2 of breakup. Dont know if you guys remember my story. 5 year relationship, was about 2 weeks away from proposing and then she said she needed space. Anyways, limited contact as we still live together, not for much longer though. Im staying out of the house as often as i can. She is making this very difficult for me though. 3 months ago she said she needed space. A month ago we started working on things and improved a lot. Then the other day she said she still was having same issues going on, i couldnt continue being in purgatory. Mutual breakup and very difficult for both of us. But i was out last night and she texted me and asked "if i was coming home?" Wtf please stop fuking with my heart. She tried talking to me when i did get home. I slept in separate room. Woke up for work this morning and she followed me around as i was getting ready to leave. I tried my best to be polite, short, and to the point when she talked to me. I keep doubting myself if this was the right decision to finally give up and move on, but right now my gut is telling me i will only get hurt again if i went back. Keeping busy for now brahs! Lots of plans in the upcoming week, so that will help keep my mind busy as well.

Quoting my previous post.

Idk how, but im feeling really good about everything. I feel at peace with my situation. 3 months of emotional torture will do that. Im just happy to relax and not worry anymore. Miss her like crazy, but i feel a huge sense of reliefand i have zero want to reach out and talk to her. I hope i look back on this post during the darker days. Because i sure as hell know it wont stay this way. Yesterday was hell. Today was great.

Ive heard from 2 different people that some girls are already interested in me. That felt nice, but obviously not going to do anything about it lol

[ReflexReform]

Quoting my previous post.

Idk how, but im feeling really good about everything. I feel at peace with my situation. 3 months of emotional torture will do that. Im just happy to relax and not worry anymore. Miss her like crazy, but i feel a huge sense of reliefand i have zero want to reach out and talk to her. I hope i look back on this post during the darker days. Because i sure as hell know it wont stay this way. Yesterday was hell. Today was great.

Ive heard from 2 different people that some girls are already interested in me. That felt nice, but obviously not going to do anything about it lol

Damn bro, glad to see you are doing a lot better now. I remember your OP.


I feel like I have hardly progressed since you posted that lol well perhaps very little. Still at war in my head with myself. Trying not to break NC. I am going on 5 months of torture and to tell you the truth it is exhausting, I am at the point now it would feel very relieving to just let everything go and get on with my life. Just keep holding myself back for some reason... Loneliness, boredom, feels, nostalgia... Idk man, just a rough cycle to break out of. But once I hit that inevitable breaking point and find that sense of freedom from this mental prison I could only imagine it would be complete bliss.

[ReflexReform]

All us brahs need to maintain that NC heavy. Learn from my fukk up and just maintain that ****.

Sadly you are right, there is most likely no benefit by breaking it. The only possible benefit is personal closure by getting that door slammed in your face again. All depends on what brings you personal peace once you have endured so much and maintained NC for so long.

[CarsonPalmer]

Damn bro, glad to see you are doing a lot better now. I remember your OP.


I feel like I have hardly progressed since you posted that lol well perhaps very little. Still at war in my head with myself. Trying not to break NC. I am going on 5 months of torture and to tell you the truth it is exhausting, I am at the point now it would feel very relieving to just let everything go and get on with my life. Just keep holding myself back for some reason... Loneliness, boredom, feels, nostalgia... Idk man, just a rough cycle to break out of. But once I hit that inevitable breaking point and find that sense of freedom from this mental prison I could only imagine it would be complete bliss.

Yeah brah. Its been a rough road. I thought we were getting back to normal, then she dropped another noncommital bomb and i just couldnt take it anymore. I was just tired of feeling like shiit all the time. Best way to get over it imo is to just focus on the fact that you are a 10/10 and deserve much better. I realize that i am a legitimately good person with a lot going for me. I will find someone that will be better than her in good time. No hurry.

Just remember that your ex is just a human being. She is not special to anyone but you. If she really was special she wouldve realized how awesome of a person you are and wouldnt have dumped you. Focus on that and make sure to strive to be a better person every day.

Also, never turn down an opportunity to do ANYTHING with ANYONE. Getting out and experiencing new things with new people is a big healer imo. Ill probably be posting ITT for a while. So if u need to PM go right ahead.

EDIT: im also only on day 2 of actual break up. We will see how this rollercoaster goes. Right now its good.

[crazymofo01]

Sadly you are right, there is most likely no benefit by breaking it. The only possible benefit is personal closure by getting that door slammed in your face again. All depends on what brings you personal peace once you have endured so much and maintained NC for so long.

For sure. I did personally get my closure from sending that email, reconciling and being dumped again. It just solidified the fact that me and her should not be together at all. I don't regret sending the email at all but for the average guy struggling i'd say don't bother, no good will come from it. I've been there and done that, 14 year relationship, learn from my experience and leave it be brahs. It still hurts nonetheless though...

[ManKo91]

I feel like my ex really didn't want to end shiit but just couldn't deal with the distance any longer and had become too depressed and possibly thought the distance was too painful and perhaps becoming a waste of time/ effort. Maybe I am just trying to justify her actions because I still have feelings for her. Either way, I truly hope she is happy whether she ends up with me (unlikely) or with someone else. Even though she straight up ghosted me I have nothing bad to say about her character or her as a person, it is rather her actions that I cannot come to terms with and I suppose that is why I have had such a hard time coping with this break up. Just nothing worse than that feeling of being tossed and torched by someone you cared about with all you had and not understanding how they could do it.

Well, that is probably what happened though. I’m sure she felt something for you once, but distance was there. The truth is that probably that girl loved you, but she stopped doing so. Why? Well maybe she was influenced by her environment, maybe she saw all her fiends having normal relations, seeing their boyfriends every day, or every week, and maybe she wants that too. Maybe, after a few years, she couldn’t see the relation going anywhere. Even if she loved you, she just though it was never going to work. When you are in your early 20s you want something else than when you are in your late 20s, especially if you are a female. When my girlfriend was in her early 20s, she wanted to travel, have adventures, and see the world. As she matured, she started to want a family, and other things that she couldn’t get from such a relation.

In my case, the main problem was our careers. It is hard to maintain a LDR if you want to be successful in your career, and your girlfriend wants the same, because when you are young you got no money, but you got the time. When you get older, you start having the money, but you start having responsibilities and seeing each other is much harder. How can you get the time to travel to see your couple if you got to work lot of hours per week? Maybe she got tired of sacrificing stuff for the sake of the relationship.
Maybe you just grew apart together, affected by environment, circumstances, etc.

There are many reasons, probably more than one. But spending hours to figure it out why it ended won’t help us much. Now we got to think in a different way. Even if you truly love her, there must be things you didn’t like about her besides the distance, that’s why you broke up, right? You got to stop idealizing her, and start thinking about the bad things of the relation.

One of the main problems with Long distance relationships, where you see your girlfriend every 3 months, is that when you see each other, you barely argue, all is good, all is fun…but you don’t get to live with that person a long amount of time, and you don’t get to experience “normal life” with that person. And that makes moving on harder, because all you remember are awesome trips, holidays, and a relationship is supposed to be more than that.

When I think about my ex from my LDR all I think about is how we used to spend separated 3 months, just planning the next trip, and how much fun we had there. Seeing each other every 3 months in a different country, city, place…but I didn’t have the day-to-day activities that other couples have. We couldn’t see each other from one day to another, without having to book and prepare all in advance. We couldn’t call each other to hook up the same evening, to have a coffee, watch a movie, have dinner together, etc. And I know I gave up a lot to be able to maintain the relation, and she did too, but maybe she just reached a point where she couldn’t sacrifice stuff anymore. Maybe she even met another guy, I know you don’t want to think about that, but it’s also a real possibility.

At the end of the day, you have to think of her as chapter in your life. And maybe it is time to close that chapter, and move on to the next chapter. Maybe, maybe, you will like the chapter that is about to come even more than the previous one.

[BradKemp]

x leaves a message on my phone how she is upset that I'm messaging other women and she knows that I will find a someone better and she wishes it was her that I will find. But that she isn't saying she wants to be together. Then she says she is just be manipulating and I should run for the hills.

I think she is just saying in a different time and place she wishes I found her but right now she likes someone else.

I just need to focus on other women. And not answer her calls and texts. All I'm doing is making it easier for her to let go while she moves on.

[Flexish]

All us brahs need to maintain that NC heavy. Learn from my fukk up and just maintain that ****.

I need to stop focusing on this situation. I feel better today and hopefully it stays this way

[kirkster501]

I need to stop focusing on this situation. I feel better today and hopefully it stays this way

Great quote dude.

[kirkster501]

heard that bro. Everyone has repeatedly talked me out of it for the last 2-3 months. So I will just continue to follow this advice. .

Good. For sure man, if you reach out to her you will immediately regret it, it will upset you further, make you reminisce and it will put you back. DO NOT DO IT under any circumstances. She must feel the emotional distance and get to miss you if there is any hope for you two. From now on she has disappeared from your life until such point she reaches out. The only reach-out you should contemplate replying to with a message of your own is some form of message from her that implies getting back together. Messages such as "I miss you", "Sorry for everything", "Hope you and your family are well" are breadcrumbs and DO NOT constitute the clear intention of getting back together. If you get one of these just say, "Thanks, Best wishes.". Some on this board may say just ignore her. However, I say ignoring her implies bitterness and she will feed off of that. A simple close-ended reply like that will make her wonder what you are up to a lot more.

I am in exactly the same boat as you man. If she does not reach out to me I will never speak to her again. It must be her that reaches out, she's the one who finished it so she must get to miss me and regret her decision to finish things by reaching out. The same goes with you.

[ReflexReform]

It's purgatory, we are like the walking dead legit.

You don't want him back. I reconciled with the ex and less than a week later she dumped me again. Save yourself the pain and agony, stay away. They discard us like trash because they simply do not care, they do not care, hammer it into your head(me too) because it is true.

Having trouble accepting this. Really trying to take an objective look at my situation. It just doesn't seem humanly possible that people are capable of discarding people they cared about like this. Regardless of whether their feelings changed or not, we are still people and you would think our feelings would be considered somewhat.

[ReflexReform]

Good. For sure man, if you reach out to her you will immediately regret it, it will upset you further, make you reminisce and it will put you back. DO NOT DO IT under any circumstances. She must feel the emotional distance and get to miss you if there is any hope for you two. From now on she has disappeared from your life until such point she reaches out. The only reach-out you should ever contemplate replying to is some form of message that implies getting back together. Messages such as "I miss you", "Sorry for everything", "Hope you and your family are well" are breadcrumbs and DO NOT constitute the clear intention of getting back together. If you get one of these just say "Thanks, Best wishes.". Some on this board may say just ignore her. However, I say ignoring her implies bitterness and she will feed off of that. A simple close-ended reply like that will make her think what you are up to a lot more.

I am in exactly the same boat as you man. If she does not reach out to me I will never speak to her again. It must be her that reaches out, she's the one who finished it so she must get to miss me and regret her decision to finish things by reaching out. The same goes with you.

This is the mindset I have been trying to adopt. It is just inconceivable to think that no matter what I say to this girl that she can just shut me down like the county fair. Chick literally packed up and left my life like it was no problem at all for her. She did cry the day of the breakup, but she was more or less as cold as an iceberg within a week of me constantly reaching out. Either way, at this point I have said everything I possibly could. I could be Shakespeare himself and she wouldn't be moved a smidgen by anything I say to her. It is definitely on her at this point to be the one reaching out. Nothing more that I can say to even try to change her mind or get her to think any differently. She has a new group of friends and I am sure they have made their rounds assassinating my character even though they don't know me. She can do whatever she wants, but in the end she will have to look back and think about how she allowed people she has known for 3-6 months encourage her to destroy a good connection with someone that legit cared about her.

[kirkster501]

This is the mindset I have been trying to adopt. It is just inconceivable to think that no matter what I say to this girl that she can just shut me down like the county fair. Chick literally packed up and left my life like it was no problem at all for her. She did cry the day of the breakup, but she was more or less as cold as an iceberg within a week of me constantly reaching out. Either way, at this point I have said everything I possibly could. I could be Shakespeare himself and she wouldn't be moved a smidgen by anything I say to her. It is definitely on her at this point to be the one reaching out. Nothing more that I can say to even try to change her mind or get her to think any differently. She has a new group of friends and I am sure they have made their rounds assassinating my character even though they don't know me. She can do whatever she wants, but in the end she will have to look back and think about how she allowed people she has known for 3-6 months encourage her to destroy a good connection with someone that legit cared about her.

Indeed. Only time can make her start to question what she did. You must let her have that time whilst continuing with your own life. It is important that you do the latter and not dwell on the past forever. Life has a habit of bringing the past into the present. I am sure it will in your case too. But remember, a watched pot never boils.....

[ReflexReform]

Well, that is probably what happened though. I’m sure she felt something for you once, but distance was there. The truth is that probably that girl loved you, but she stopped doing so. Why? Well maybe she was influenced by her environment, maybe she saw all her fiends having normal relations, seeing their boyfriends every day, or every week, and maybe she wants that too. Maybe, after a few years, she couldn’t see the relation going anywhere. Even if she loved you, she just though it was never going to work. When you are in your early 20s you want something else than when you are in your late 20s, especially if you are a female. When my girlfriend was in her early 20s, she wanted to travel, have adventures, and see the world. As she matured, she started to want a family, and other things that she couldn’t get from such a relation.

In my case, the main problem was our careers. It is hard to maintain a LDR if you want to be successful in your career, and your girlfriend wants the same, because when you are young you got no money, but you got the time. When you get older, you start having the money, but you start having responsibilities and seeing each other is much harder. How can you get the time to travel to see your couple if you got to work lot of hours per week? Maybe she got tired of sacrificing stuff for the sake of the relationship.
Maybe you just grew apart together, affected by environment, circumstances, etc.

There are many reasons, probably more than one. But spending hours to figure it out why it ended won’t help us much. Now we got to think in a different way. Even if you truly love her, there must be things you didn’t like about her besides the distance, that’s why you broke up, right? You got to stop idealizing her, and start thinking about the bad things of the relation.

One of the main problems with Long distance relationships, where you see your girlfriend every 3 months, is that when you see each other, you barely argue, all is good, all is fun…but you don’t get to live with that person a long amount of time, and you don’t get to experience “normal life” with that person. And that makes moving on harder, because all you remember are awesome trips, holidays, and a relationship is supposed to be more than that.

When I think about my ex from my LDR all I think about is how we used to spend separated 3 months, just planning the next trip, and how much fun we had there. Seeing each other every 3 months in a different country, city, place…but I didn’t have the day-to-day activities that other couples have. We couldn’t see each other from one day to another, without having to book and prepare all in advance. We couldn’t call each other to hook up the same evening, to have a coffee, watch a movie, have dinner together, etc. And I know I gave up a lot to be able to maintain the relation, and she did too, but maybe she just reached a point where she couldn’t sacrifice stuff anymore. Maybe she even met another guy, I know you don’t want to think about that, but it’s also a real possibility.

At the end of the day, you have to think of her as chapter in your life. And maybe it is time to close that chapter, and move on to the next chapter. Maybe, maybe, you will like the chapter that is about to come even more than the previous one.

This all actually hits home with my situation. Some of the reasons you list out are actually reasons she gave me. As far as sacrificing and wanting something "normal" because she was constantly seeing her other friends happy with their boyfriends and wanted something similar. I just figure regardless of distance people should stick it out if they really care about you. I don't believe that there is only "one" person for everyone, but I do believe in making shiit work out as long as no serious harm was done on either end. Her environment had a lot to do with it and she did just make a new group of friends and was talking about how some of these girls have boyfriends so on and so forth. Even though I looked on one of these chicks ******** and it appears she dumped her boyfriend too. Maybe they had a dumping party, who fkn knows.

I saw the LDR as fulfilling in ways that normal relationships weren't, you develop a different kind of bond; more of an emotional bond than a physical one and I figured that would make the relationship stronger for when we could actually be together. You are right though, we didn't have that day to day type of life/ relationship. It is just hard to accept that it has ended and I think the emotional bond makes it harder to break away from than a normal relationship because I have been idealizing her the entire relationship.

I guess what really gets to me are the things she said to me after the breakup, the things she said don't even represent me at all and it hurts to think that she thinks of me that way. Maybe she is just focusing on the negatives to block me out of her life, maybe she doesn't really think those things but said them to get me to leave her alone. All that matters at this point though is that she is choosing to have a life without me and that is not a decision I can change. Maybe one day our paths will cross again, maybe one day I will end up closer to her by some coincidence and she will reconsider to see if things could work living closer.

Honestly what bothers me to no end is that I was planning to move in with her and either join the Army from her place (possibly stay for 3-6 months to see how well we live together, or join the reserves and move in permanently. I figured after being together that long the relationship at least deserved that chance to grow, then again that is not on me it is on her. I don't really care to point fingers or place blame about the situation, I just care that it had to end the way it did at this point.

[ReflexReform]

Indeed. Only time can make her start to question what she did. You must let her have that time whilst continuing with your own life. It is important that you do the latter and not dwell on the past forever. Life has a habit of bringing the past into the present. I am sure it will in your case too. But remember, a watched pot never boils.....

Yeah, our relationship is all she has known since she was 19. She needs to experience life without me at least for a while to appreciate what we had. She has never had a normal relationship except for when we first met and were actually together every day. I cant force anything on her and I understand that, at the same point I would expect my words to hold some weight. The way she cut me out I would expect that she does still have feelings for me, they are just buried deep beneath the feelings she has covered them up with. Maybe one day she will change her mind and want to work back into things (which I would probably be willing to try). Given she shows that she is really regretful and sorry for the way she acted and the decision she made.

[ReflexReform]

Yeah brah. Its been a rough road. I thought we were getting back to normal, then she dropped another noncommital bomb and i just couldnt take it anymore. I was just tired of feeling like shiit all the time. Best way to get over it imo is to just focus on the fact that you are a 10/10 and deserve much better. I realize that i am a legitimately good person with a lot going for me. I will find someone that will be better than her in good time. No hurry.

Just remember that your ex is just a human being. She is not special to anyone but you. If she really was special she wouldve realized how awesome of a person you are and wouldnt have dumped you. Focus on that and make sure to strive to be a better person every day.

Also, never turn down an opportunity to do ANYTHING with ANYONE. Getting out and experiencing new things with new people is a big healer imo. Ill probably be posting ITT for a while. So if u need to PM go right ahead.

EDIT: im also only on day 2 of actual break up. We will see how this rollercoaster goes. Right now its good.

That is the problem I have is building myself up about this whole break up. I don't feel like she left me because she was fkn around with other dudes or that she was bad for me or me for her. Rather is was all dependent on the circumstances surrounding the relationship. Which personally I would never leave someone because the circumstances weren't ideal, because circumstances change constantly. What I am trying to focus on is- if she could just leave me the day after saying she would always be by my side (based on circumstances) How could a marriage have actually worked with this chick if she cares so much about circumstances. We had looked at engagement rings a few months prior and she knew full well I was going to seal the deal (which she was asking me to do) as soon as I got settled in the military. I figured the distance allowed us to focus on our own lives and direction while at the same time knowing we had shiit figured out together and had someone that we knew we were going to be with when we both had a solid foundation. It just doesn't make any sense and I guess it isn't supposed to. I have tried to paint her out as a bad person, but I guess I am not as talented in that area as she is; I cant seem to think of her as bad for me or bad in any way actually. Emotionally Immature maybe, but she never did anything terrible to me for me to hold against her(besides the horrible things she said during the breakup).

[Thillygooth]

You are a beautiful girl and in great shape, you have a good heart and considering how you are still racking your mind over this guy I would say you are as loyal as any girl could be. Please, for your own sake and your mental health do not let yourself fall back into a pattern with this guy if he ever shows back up after ghosting you and try your best to move on from this experience knowing that someone better is out there for you.

First time i've seen someone white knight a girl in the No Contact thread. lol...

[BradKemp]

fuk I picked up when the x called.

Said she is super jealous of me messaging other girls and wouldn't be jealous if the other guy was messaging other girls wtf

I told her I was in love with girl I thought you were. She said that girl is still there. She said she will leave me alone now as her calling and texting ect is unfair to me. I told her I had a bunch of things I wanted to say but the time isn't right. Then we said bye.

uggh I find it easy to not reach out but I'm always curious what she has to say.

Either way, I formulated a message in my mind that will cut all ties. Its just a matter of following up.

Most importantly, I just need to focus on other girls (which I am) and move on assuming that its over.