The No Contact Thread v3.0: I'll Hug You Bro No Homo.

[CarsonPalmer]

So it's been about 4 days since reconciliation with the ex after almost a month of NC. We discussed everything on Saturday and I thought we were on the same page but she is giving mixed signals at the same time. First she says she wants to proceed slow with things but then says if all goes well in a year she'd like to get married and all that, contradiction?

Anyhow I saw her sat for coffee, sun/mon briefly hung out just watched a bit of tv she fell asleep so I left. We have plans on thurs to see a movie and sat a hockey game. Today I asked if she wanted to hang out and she said she thinks space is good since we already have plans and so forth. Now normally prior to the break up we'd see one another probably every day even for a short period which is why I guess I expected it now but she says we don't need to see one another everyday and she wants to go slow and get to know another again and see where it goes. She acknowledges and see's the immediate change in my demeanor towards her but she thinks space is good also. I was like okay sure kind of thing, not pushing the envelope but it just feels like she has the upper hand here and she is expecting me to prove myself and show her what i've got to offer like I am selling myself to her whereas she has basically just been doing as she likes and not doing anything any different really. It's like she is getting her cake and eating it to, best of both worlds - for her. I know it's only been a few days so it's premature but just my thoughts so far.. I've bit my tongue and not said anything yet. I am hoping to let time pass so I can regain some power.

Thoughts, input/advice? Thanks brahs.

One month is nowhere near enough time. Good luck tho brah

[crazymofo01]

One month is nowhere near enough time. Good luck tho brah

It was a 14 year relationship and I accepted it was more or less over. I sent a final email mostly for myself and expected no reply, she called, we met up and decided to give it a try and see what happens, no expectations.

[SkullCore]

So it's been about 4 days since reconciliation with the ex after almost a month of NC. We discussed everything on Saturday and I thought we were on the same page but she is giving mixed signals at the same time. First she says she wants to proceed slow with things but then says if all goes well in a year she'd like to get married and all that, contradiction?

Anyhow I saw her sat for coffee, sun/mon briefly hung out just watched a bit of tv she fell asleep so I left. We have plans on thurs to see a movie and sat a hockey game. Today I asked if she wanted to hang out and she said she thinks space is good since we already have plans and so forth. Now normally prior to the break up we'd see one another probably every day even for a short period which is why I guess I expected it now but she says we don't need to see one another everyday and she wants to go slow and get to know another again and see where it goes. She acknowledges and see's the immediate change in my demeanor towards her but she thinks space is good also. I was like okay sure kind of thing, not pushing the envelope but it just feels like she has the upper hand here and she is expecting me to prove myself and show her what i've got to offer like I am selling myself to her whereas she has basically just been doing as she likes and not doing anything any different really. It's like she is getting her cake and eating it to, best of both worlds - for her. I know it's only been a few days so it's premature but just my thoughts so far.. I've bit my tongue and not said anything yet. I am hoping to let time pass so I can regain some power.

Thoughts, input/advice? Thanks brahs.

Not sure why she's putting this at her rhythm. Didn't she cheat on the first place? Now she knows she can snap her fingers and make you go after her. Just be careful brah, it's your decision at the end

[ReflexReform]

Honestly, why do you need to prove your worth to someone who is BLIND to it?

FYI- you don't! Real talk- fck the people who can't see your beauty. I have read many of your posts here...your thoughts...you have a beautiful mind, and it's a mind that thinks deeply, that feels deeply, and that hopes for more and better, always. A girl would be BLESSED to be by your side. I hope you see that...

I actually went through a similar situation, where someone I had known for some time blasted me, and basically did a character assassination on me. He essentially tore me down to nothing...made me feel like utter sh!t, and after everything intimate that was exchanged between us, and all of the disclosures, to realize that he summed me up to nothing, was heartbreaking.

I remember afterwards, I was silenced to nothing...no words to defend myself, no feelings...I was numb, because it was too painful to feel anymore. He really destroyed everything- our entire bond, by tearing me down to nothing. I could've responded with a long message back, detailing every point he was wrong about...I mean, I even wrote it out. But in the end, I knew sending it would be to no avail, because this person didn't value me at all. And they never would...I could try endlessly to prove myself to them, but it would be useless. They had their view of me, and nothing would change that.

This is why I chose not to fight the battle of proving myself...because I realized, anyone who put me in a position where i had to prove myself [when all i'd ever done was shown them caring] was not a person worthy to be in my life. And so i said nothing (and i'm the type that will always fight IF I CARE). but if i'm at the point where i have nothing left to say, it means you've forced me to stop caring through your cruelty.

Instead of calling this person out on all of their inaccurate bullsh!t, i just cut them out instead. because truth is, if you don't me know after all of these years, you NEVER will. i didn't want that type of toxic person in my life anymore...i didn't want someone who put me in the position to have to prove myself constantly...tbh, this person made me feel like sh!t, and i simply couldn't keep them around any longer.

Point is, you can send an email or not, but truth be told, that email would be sent FOR YOU, not her. if it will make you feel better, send it...but words on a screen will not change how someone feels. furthermore, i really challenge you to ask yourself if you want that type of person in your life...and if you think you should have to prove yourself to someone...

because i am telling you, pointblank, someone either sees your soul, and appreciates/loves it,or they don't. i have seen your posts here, you seem like a very caring, good-hearted soul...beyond that, what do you have to prove? and to whom?

Ill just go ahead and reserve all of page 136 of the NC Thread for this post, since it turned out a lot longer than I had intended.

I agree with you 100% and at this point I really don't even know why I want to "attempt" to change her views about me. I suppose mainly because she feels i took her for granted which wasnt really the case, i was more or less caught up in my own chit, we hit a rough patch and at the same time ibwas kind of testing her comittment(even though i wasnt really in a position of power). I talked to her every day on the phone or sometimes skype since she wasn't good at keeping Skype dates or Skype just blows in general (most days for a good 30 minutes to and hour) during our 2 1/2 year LDR. I spent every dime in my pocket basically every time I visited her or she visited me. She knows who I am, the way I think, my fears, my flaws, my dreams, my goals. I told her everything that was ever on my mind any time we were together or on the phone. She knows exactly who I am and probably knows more about me than I do about myself. There is no reason I should need to prove myself after all of that. She should see my worth and respect me for being so open with her about everything in my life even down to why I think what I think about my views on basically everything (very in depth conversations that most people don't even have in relationships). I suppose since she hasn't had any flings or legit relationships lacking communication she couldn't fully appreciate it. She also doesn't understand that relationships have phases of comfort which she mistook for being taken for granted. She doesn't understand that she was giving me very valid reasons not to trust her completely like I always had despite the distance & she acted like I was being controlling and insecure for no good reason at all (meanwhile she is talking about guys that asked her out and days later suggesting we date other people for a while). She still has my dad as a friend on ******** lol why I have no fuking clue.

I have my own regrets about the relationship, not feeling like I did enough for her or the relationship financially (because of my situation/ circumstances) But it was no secret how badly I wanted to do more and would do more as soon as I was financially stable.

I have had a similar breakup to yours that you mentioned involving character assassination and it is a horrible feeling and I honestly went the same route as you, enough was enough and I didn't even bother contesting someone that would say such terrible things about me.
This situation with my current ex I feel is even more degrading and was made toxic for completely no reason. I literally begged for just "one civil conversation on the phone (not to beg, not to guilt her, not to argue. but to discuss the situation)" She still would not budge, all I get is "leave me alone, you have been p!ssing me off" or something along those lines repeatedly. It makes you feel like a goddamn toddler in timeout, and for what?? She told me herself "you didn't do anything wrong" so why am I being treated like some sort of criminal? Makes zero sense and I honestly should not be racking my mind over this chit day after day just because I am bored or lonely living somewhere that I don't know anyone or even because I really loved her, because this is not how people treat you that love you unless something terrible happened. Especially for the reasons she gave me for the break up. They were all over the place. You didn't do anything wrong, you took me for granted, you don't seem as motivated as before, I can't rely on you. Like playing wack a mole trying to figure out which one is the real reason and which ones she came up with post break up.

Thankyou for the kind words and acknowledgment of what you see in my character through some of my posts, actually helped a lot to be acknowelged as someone with some sort of worth (by someone else). I know I am worth more than what she is pricing me at. Admittedly I have flaws like any other human, but I know in my own heart I am a good person with nothing but good intentions and don't deserve to be treated this way just because my life is not going the way I want it to at the moment. Maybe through discussing my own goals and dreams she developed unrealistic expectations for me which turned into resentments (psychologists say expectations are predetermined resentments and I think this holds a lot of truth especially in my situation). Like I said when I met her and through most of our relationship she was the sweetest, most open and caring girl I thought I had ever met and I never thought she was even capable of such behavior. To be honest I do not even want to know this person that she is acting like.

In closing I think it is best for me to just worry about myself at this point as contacting her again would be counterproductive in every way possible. I would like to change her opinion of me, but that can only change if she wants it to as well as by me DOING something which contacting her is not one of those things that would change it. Actually I really feel like at this point contacting her would come off as either needy, insecure, desperate, resentful, disrespectful, annoying or all of the above in her eyes no matter what the message contains (just because it is coming from me) I would rather just leave the situation with what little respect she still has for me and not give her another chance to belittle me in any way. I especially do not want to give her new friends the opportunity to solidify their bond at my expense since apparently even 40 year old overweight guys that look like gonzo from sesame street need someone to talk chit about.

[crazymofo01]

Not sure why she's putting this at her rhythm. Didn't she cheat on the first place? Now she knows she can snap her fingers and make you go after her. Just be careful brah, it's your decision at the end

The infidelity was 8 years ago and wasn't the reason we broke up this time around so it doesn't seem to be a main issue now, when we reconciled as well I said I never want to speak of it again and she agreed. The main issues during reconciliation were basically trust is key, 100% transparency on her end and I would loosen up and not be so controlling(due to lack of trust, rightfully so!).

Since we've been in contact the past few days I've been nothing like my old self, I truly did let things go and am trying to move forward. She has been okay been still distant at the same time(a bit) and a bit moody - though she is on her period right now so could partially be that but then she mentioned the space thing. Maybe she just thinks it'll go back to how it was? could be a valid concern i'm not too sure... I just feel like the bulk of the weight is on me and she is just assessing things while not doing a whole lot herself. I may be reading too much into it though... I guess you can't miss someone if you're never without them.

[AlSwearengens]

Crazy, my thoughts. You need to slow way down. You are acting like you're back in a full blown relationship. You need to give her space. She needs to be initiating most (90%) of the contact. You sent a final email and she let you back in the door. Play it right and slow down. Don't make the same mistakes you made in the past. Women change their minds depending on the time of the day. Stop pursuing her and give her the chance to pursue you. Good Luck

[hookemhorns0tx]

Jesus fuking Christ guys. I had to see her yesterday. For the first couple of hours it was just breaking my heart being with her as we sorted out the bond situation. Then at the end she asks if I'm seeing anyone and tells me that she's seeing someone. ****s sake the ****. This is the guy she cheated on me with and fukked the day we broke up. Then she justifies it by saying that in the last few months of our relationship it was "barely a real relationship". Such a fuking hurtful thing to say, I loved her so much and tried so hard. I feel so incredibly broken right now. Everything in my life is in ****ing shards and honestly this **** with her is just the tip of the iceberg. I wish to god I didn't care about her. I ****ing hate everything right now.

I know them feelz brah. My ex of a year and a half cheated on me back in October and left me for the dude she cheated on me with. It's tough with all the memories and chit. We lived together, she attended my college graduation, I attended her nursing school graduation, we traveled to Europe together, and she even flew out to Cali with me in September to buy a car. We were strict no contact since October unless it involved chit with the apartment since the lease didn't end until this month. She was stalking my snapchat story like crazy though until last month when she deleted me when her and chester da molester(he got charged for indecency with a child) became official. Just saw her yesterday when I went to go get some of my mail and felt nothing. She was my first real love that I actually saw a future with, so if I can get over this dumb sloot, so can you. I hit the gym, got strict with my diet, focused on business, and started making the world my bish. Gotta be the alpha brah, don't let a dumb unworthy sloot control your emotions like that.

[crazymofo01]

Crazy, my thoughts. You need to slow way down. You are acting like you're back in a full blown relationship. You need to give her space. She needs to be initiating most (90%) of the contact. You sent a final email and she let you back in the door. Play it right and slow down. Don't make the same mistakes you made in the past. Women change their minds depending on the time of the day. Stop pursuing her and give her the chance to pursue you. Good Luck

You're absolutely right. She did open the door when I knocked. She also bought $400 hockey tickets to take her friend to - friend who helped her thru the break up - but she told me she can do something else with her and asked me if i'd like to go with her instead. I guess she did not have to do that at all. I need to hit those brakes.

I also did mention doing something on valentine's day, she said sure you plan it.

[SkullCore]

The infidelity was 8 years ago and wasn't the reason we broke up this time around so it doesn't seem to be a main issue now, when we reconciled as well I said I never want to speak of it again and she agreed. The main issues during reconciliation were basically trust is key, 100% transparency on her end and I would loosen up and not be so controlling(due to lack of trust, rightfully so!).

Since we've been in contact the past few days I've been nothing like my old self, I truly did let things go and am trying to move forward. She has been okay been still distant at the same time(a bit) and a bit moody - though she is on her period right now so could partially be that but then she mentioned the space thing. Maybe she just thinks it'll go back to how it was? could be a valid concern i'm not too sure... I just feel like the bulk of the weight is on me and she is just assessing things while not doing a whole lot herself. I may be reading too much into it though... I guess you can't miss someone if you're never without them.

Just make her miss you. And a relationship won't ever go back to how it was in the past. It either gets better or worse, hopefully things will work out between ya two. Just show that you really want to make this work but at the same time you need to show her that you'll be perfectly fine without her.

[ReflexReform]

So it's been about 4 days since reconciliation with the ex after almost a month of NC. We discussed everything on Saturday and I thought we were on the same page but she is giving mixed signals at the same time. First she says she wants to proceed slow with things but then says if all goes well in a year she'd like to get married and all that, contradiction?

Anyhow I saw her sat for coffee, sun/mon briefly hung out just watched a bit of tv she fell asleep so I left. We have plans on thurs to see a movie and sat a hockey game. Today I asked if she wanted to hang out and she said she thinks space is good since we already have plans and so forth. Now normally prior to the break up we'd see one another probably every day even for a short period which is why I guess I expected it now but she says we don't need to see one another everyday and she wants to go slow and get to know another again and see where it goes. She acknowledges and see's the immediate change in my demeanor towards her but she thinks space is good also. I was like okay sure kind of thing, not pushing the envelope but it just feels like she has the upper hand here and she is expecting me to prove myself and show her what i've got to offer like I am selling myself to her whereas she has basically just been doing as she likes and not doing anything any different really. It's like she is getting her cake and eating it to, best of both worlds - for her. I know it's only been a few days so it's premature but just my thoughts so far.. I've bit my tongue and not said anything yet. I am hoping to let time pass so I can regain some power.

Thoughts, input/advice? Thanks brahs.

Sounds like she is testing you brah, non-stop mind trickery. She is pushing your buttons to see how you respond. Now how you respond will probably determine how much she plays these games. You got back to this point all by yourself and I would imagine you know best how to handle this chick than anyone else. Personally I don't play power games in relationships, I will tell the girl straight up she is out of line and acting different (probably partially why I am now single). It seems like she has built up expectations over the NC period and if they are unrealistic then it will turn into resentment all over again. At this point it is pretty clear she thinks she is the one controlling the pace and direction of the relationship (based on your post) which does not seem like the best idea since she was all over the place before the breakup if I remember correctly.
I would say that you should let her feel like she is in control at the moment, but I would suggest talking to her and being straight up with her about how it seems like she is keeping a distance. I mean come one man, after 14 years together she thinks you should "get to know each other again" after only 1 month apart? Did she go on a mission to Mars and backpack across Europe in that one month? Honestly what has changed about her and what has changed about you? Maybe you have things you are doing differently (in your life) but YOU are not a different person from before.

I would just relax and take it easy man, for the meantime if she wants space then let her have it but I would confront her in some non aggressive way; perhaps during your next meet up if this weird half committed/ future expectation behavior continues.

[crazymofo01]

Just make her miss you. And a relationship won't ever go back to how it was in the past. It either gets better or worse, hopefully things will work out between ya two. Just show that you really want to make this work but at the same time you need to show her that you'll be perfectly fine without her.

I read that you need to be how you were before you met the person, when they were attracted to you without knowing you. When you try and get too close to one person you switch gears from what initially drew them in to something else in the process. I think the key is to just be me and not overdo or overthink us.

Sounds like she is testing you brah, non-stop mind trickery. She is pushing your buttons to see how you respond. Now how you respond will probably determine how much she plays these games. You got back to this point all by yourself and I would imagine you know best how to handle this chick than anyone else. Personally I don't play power games in relationships, I will tell the girl straight up she is out of line and acting different (probably partially why I am now single). It seems like she has built up expectations over the NC period and if they are unrealistic then it will turn into resentment all over again. At this point it is pretty clear she thinks she is the one controlling the pace and direction of the relationship (based on your post) which does not seem like the best idea since she was all over the place before the breakup if I remember correctly.
I would say that you should let her feel like she is in control at the moment, but I would suggest talking to her and being straight up with her about how it seems like she is keeping a distance. I mean come one man, after 14 years together she thinks you should "get to know each other again" after only 1 month apart? Did she go on a mission to Mars and backpack across Europe in that one month? Honestly what has changed about her and what has changed about you? Maybe you have things you are doing differently (in your life) but YOU are not a different person from before.

I would just relax and take it easy man, for the meantime if she wants space then let her have it but I would confront her in some non aggressive way; perhaps during your next meet up if this weird half committed/ future expectation behavior continues.

Well I think the thing is she was unhappy for awhile and just went along with things hoping they would change and they didn't. Now she just doesn't want to jump straight into anything heavy right off the bat and backslide, that's all I can think of really. Like I said she did ask me to go to the hockey game with her instead of taking her friend and also did agree to spending Valentines together.

I think it is too soon to confront her or come across in any aggressive manner that could trigger a fight. It hasn't even been one week yet, I think I just need to pump the brakes and reassess when it's been a month at least.

Think I should buy her something for Valentine's or just dinner is enough?

[ReflexReform]

I read that you need to be how you were before you met the person, when they were attracted to you without knowing you. When you try and get too close to one person you switch gears from what initially drew them in to something else in the process. I think the key is to just be me and not overdo or overthink us.



Well I think the thing is she was unhappy for awhile and just went along with things hoping they would change and they didn't. Now she just doesn't want to jump straight into anything heavy right off the bat and backslide, that's all I can think of really. Like I said she did ask me to go to the hockey game with her instead of taking her friend and also did agree to spending Valentines together.

I think it is too soon to confront her or come across in any aggressive manner that could trigger a fight. It hasn't even been one week yet, I think I just need to pump the brakes and reassess when it's been a month at least.

Think I should buy her something for Valentine's or just dinner is enough?

Yeah you did want this chick back and now that you have got her I suppose you do have to put in some ground work again. Once she sees she can trust that the changes will stick then she will probably loosen up a bit more. Since you had issues with being controlling (like I did with my ex because of trust issues) I would let her move at her own pace until she let's the walls down.

As for valentines day. All depends on your bank account bro. If you feel she is expecting a present (if this is like a yearly ritual) get her something to show her you are serious but I wouldnt go all out. She probably wants to see you are fully invested at this point in one way or another. Then again idk if she is one of those girls that is all about presents or just wants dinner and a massage type chit. All up to you bro, do what you feel is comfortable.

You could always pull the whole buy a present and wait until the very end of the night to give it to her to judge whether she was expecting something.

[ReflexReform]

Day 1 of break up. Been crying all day. This shiit is tough brahs. Hold me

legit had the same problem man, didn't hit me until like a month after though. Breaking down at random times just wondering why the fuk shiit had to happen the way it did, so many unanswered questions and no real conversation leading up to the break up. Could have been amicable and mutual but the way she did it was just terrible.

You are gonna make it man, time will heal those wounds. Thought I would never escape the depression, but I haven't shed a tear for my ex in at least 3 months. Came pretty close today though. Shiit will come in waves but you just gotta take the good with the bad man. At least you saw yours coming somewhat (if I am thinking of the correct post from a few days ago) and could kind of mentally prepare even though there is no real preparing for that kind of withdrawal.

[koreangenetics]

broke no contact after 4 weeks.

she replies within an hour. i said some cringy chit once again and she replies with jokes back that she does not miss me (once again in a joking way. we used to joke back forth a lot like this). she asked me hows my studying going (cause im in med school) and then we talked a bit after that

then no contact for 2 more weeks now. I had a strong urge to ask her for coffee but i deleted all her pics and unfollowed her on fb.

last time we saw each other she said we should just get to know each other as friends and see how that goes but i felt like i couldnt go thru with this. especially considering she said she doesnt want to give me hope

[crazymofo01]

Yeah you did want this chick back and now that you have got her I suppose you do have to put in some ground work again. Once she sees she can trust that the changes will stick then she will probably loosen up a bit more. Since you had issues with being controlling (like I did with my ex because of trust issues) I would let her move at her own pace until she let's the walls down.

As for valentines day. All depends on your bank account bro. If you feel she is expecting a present (if this is like a yearly ritual) get her something to show her you are serious but I wouldnt go all out. She probably wants to see you are fully invested at this point in one way or another. Then again idk if she is one of those girls that is all about presents or just wants dinner and a massage type chit. All up to you bro, do what you feel is comfortable.

You could always pull the whole buy a present and wait until the very end of the night to give it to her to judge whether she was expecting something.

It's done like dinner, she ended it AGAIN.

She said her gut is telling her that we should not be together. She said I ****ed with her by sending her the email and made her think about the past, memories etc.. Even though I didn't persuade her or coerce her into working it out at all, she agreed to work it out on her own accord. Well now she says we shouldn't contact each other and all this ****, I let it go - i'm done with this piece of trash scum.

Feels bad brahs but I should have known better.

[SkullCore]

It's done like dinner, she ended it AGAIN.

She said her gut is telling her that we should not be together. She said I ****ed with her by sending her the email and made her think about the past, memories etc.. Even though I didn't persuade her or coerce her into working it out at all, she agreed to work it out on her own accord. Well now she says we shouldn't contact each other and all this ****, I let it go - i'm done with this piece of trash scum.

Feels bad brahs but I should have known better.

Sorry brah, some of us need to learn stuff like this the tough way but I hope now you can see that she's not worth it and it should make things a bit easier knowing she's just messing with you. I agree that you dun goofed with the email you sent, but hey man no one's perfect and it's fine.

I went through something similar, I contacted her and we got back together months ago. And of course she needed some help with her uni stuff so I agreed to help her. Sleepless nights sometimes just helping her(big mistake) and she got like an 80 out of 100 and still complained.. she barely said thank you. She was the sweetest girl in the meanwhile and she'd tell me how she's falling for me again. But guess what, once that finished she just went colder and colder, she did this on purpose so I could end it and I did it. Heartless bish but kinda helped and I felt way better, I did all I could and I just saw she's not that into me and she's not the very best. Today she still wants to talk to me but I try to ignore her, she casually tries to chit chat through email but fuk that. We won't be friends.

In my opinion things will get better from the point you're at, just keep it up and don't fall into the same trap again.

[BradKemp]

I ended up spending the weekend together with my x. It felt like a drug that I didn't want to end. She told me she loved me but not in a I want to get married way....

Monday seems to be going fine but I'm getting some weird gut feelings that something isn't right. When a girl normally texts you back in 2 minutes but takes an hour to text you back a bunch of times in a row then you know something is up.

So today we had plans but she said she had to stay at home to do some work stuff and that she will talk to me tomorrow. I've know this girl for a year and a half and she has never said she will talk to me tomorrow... she always wants to check in before bed. So this was red flag to me. I ended up driving up to her house to see if she was actually home and her car wasn't there so I gave her a call to see what she was doing and she texted back that she was at home doing her work LOL.

I texted her that she is a liar and never to contact me again and that I hope the new guy works out.

Women are brutal. I don't even care that she doesn't like me or likes some other guy. Its just so pathetic how much they lie. The worst part is you want to see the best in someone and they let you down. You want to think that they are good person but in reality they are garbage.

We've broken up like 4 times and she always end up chasing me and then we start back up but this time is different. I highly doubt she will chase after today and if she does she's getting the NC.

ughhh

[crazymofo01]

Sorry brah, some of us need to learn stuff like this the tough way but I hope now you can see that she's not worth it and it should make things a bit easier knowing she's just messing with you. I agree that you dun goofed with the email you sent, but hey man no one's perfect and it's fine.

I went through something similar, I contacted her and we got back together months ago. And of course she needed some help with her uni stuff so I agreed to help her. Sleepless nights sometimes just helping her(big mistake) and she got like an 80 out of 100 and still complained.. she barely said thank you. She was the sweetest girl in the meanwhile and she'd tell me how she's falling for me again. But guess what, once that finished she just went colder and colder, she did this on purpose so I could end it and I did it. Heartless bish but kinda helped and I felt way better, I did all I could and I just saw she's not that into me and she's not the very best. Today she still wants to talk to me but I try to ignore her, she casually tries to chit chat through email but fuk that. We won't be friends.

In my opinion things will get better from the point you're at, just keep it up and don't fall into the same trap again.

I am just surprised yet not surprised. She is just such a cold low down piece of filth. She actually tried to flip it on me and blame me saying I should have never sent her the email and that I ****ed with her. Whatever I am so done with this bish, ya it hurts but dumped twice by her no thank you, she is garbage.

[BradKemp]

It's done like dinner, she ended it AGAIN.

She said her gut is telling her that we should not be together. She said I ****ed with her by sending her the email and made her think about the past, memories etc.. Even though I didn't persuade her or coerce her into working it out at all, she agreed to work it out on her own accord. Well now she says we shouldn't contact each other and all this ****, I let it go - i'm done with this piece of trash scum.

Feels bad brahs but I should have known better.

Sorry man. I kind of thought that might happen reading all your posts but I know how hard it is to walk away when you just want to things to work out.

[ReflexReform]

broke no contact after 4 weeks.

she replies within an hour. i said some cringy chit once again and she replies with jokes back that she does not miss me (once again in a joking way. we used to joke back forth a lot like this). she asked me hows my studying going (cause im in med school) and then we talked a bit after that

then no contact for 2 more weeks now. I had a strong urge to ask her for coffee but i deleted all her pics and unfollowed her on fb.

last time we saw each other she said we should just get to know each other as friends and see how that goes but i felt like i couldnt go thru with this. especially considering she said she doesnt want to give me hope

Probably a good move to hold your ground regardless of saying cringey shiit. My ex said she didn't want to cut me out of her life completely and wanted to be friends, but did not want to take it slow & see where things go (since I suggested we do that very thing). After breaking NC sporadically for about 2 months in 2-3 week intervals to extend the olive branch only to hit a brick wall I finally agreed to be friends then she hit me with the "I was going to forgive you(for what I still don't know) and be your friend but you wouldn't leave me alone so now I am more piissed than before and don't want to talk to you" Here I am 5 months post breakup and not a single reach out from her. The whole lets be friends/ lets see where things go b.s is a façade(most of the time) to make them feel morally correct & to lighten the blow so they can let us down easy and get off without feeling like a bad person for pulling bullshiit like that. If they wanted to work shiit out then they would not run off and make us chase them and "see where things go" obviously if they aren't putting in any effort things go "nowhere".

[ReflexReform]

It's done like dinner, she ended it AGAIN.

She said her gut is telling her that we should not be together. She said I ****ed with her by sending her the email and made her think about the past, memories etc.. Even though I didn't persuade her or coerce her into working it out at all, she agreed to work it out on her own accord. Well now she says we shouldn't contact each other and all this ****, I let it go - i'm done with this piece of trash scum.

Feels bad brahs but I should have known better.

My ex pulled the same chit when she got back with me for a night, I guess so she could fall asleep in a relationship and find a better way to end it the next morning in her dreams. Same type of line- "I feel like I am just setting myself up to be hurt again" I never did shiit to hurt the girl lol Either way I am beginning to see it as I do not need to be with someone that would get back with me just to bide some more time to figure out a better way to end shiit for good instead of actually talking about the problems. Some of these girls just go about shiit the complete wrong way, following advice from friends instead of what their own heart is telling them. Clearly she still had some feelings for you to get back together with you, but it appears her friend helped her talk herself out of it. I think you made the right move sending the Email after a 14 year relationship, she shouldn't have came back if she didn't really want to. It is a fukked up situation bro but it definitely reinforces the idea that she is not the right one for you if she can just walk in and out of your life like it is a rotating door.

[crazymofo01]

Sorry man. I kind of thought that might happen reading all your posts but I know how hard it is to walk away when you just want to things to work out.

Thanks brah. I was trying to be optimistic but whatever it is what it is. At least I can rest easy knowing I did my part to try and save us, this is on her now.

My ex pulled the same chit when she got back with me for a night, I guess so she could fall asleep in a relationship and find a better way to end it the next morning in her dreams. Same type of line- "I feel like I am just setting myself up to be hurt again" I never did shiit to hurt the girl lol Either way I am beginning to see it as I do not need to be with someone that would get back with me just to bide some more time to figure out a better way to end shiit for good instead of actually talking about the problems. Some of these girls just go about shiit the complete wrong way, following advice from friends instead of what their own heart is telling them. Clearly she still had some feelings for you to get back together with you, but it appears her friend helped her talk herself out of it. I think you made the right move sending the Email after a 14 year relationship, she shouldn't have came back if she didn't really want to. It is a fukked up situation bro but it definitely reinforces the idea that she is not the right one for you if she can just walk in and out of your life like it is a rotating door.

Actually her friend when she read the email told her maybe she should contact me if she still does love me(what my ex told me initially) so the friend had my back. Apparently the mom did not want my ex to even meet with me and after she found out we were working it out she was not happy but not sure if that played a role because ex never really listens to her mom to begin with. I always used to blame others for my ex's behavior, her friends, this person, that person but really it is just HER, nobody else just HER. She is cold hearted piece of trash at the end of the day, I tried to find the good in her, maybe she made a mistake(s) but nope she's just scum and I see this now. It still kills but I don't regret sending the email it just solidifies the relationship is beyond dead.

[ReflexReform]

I ended up spending the weekend together with my x. It felt like a drug that I didn't want to end. She told me she loved me but not in a I want to get married way....

Monday seems to be going fine but I'm getting some weird gut feelings that something isn't right. When a girl normally texts you back in 2 minutes but takes an hour to text you back a bunch of times in a row then you know something is up.

So today we had plans but she said she had to stay at home to do some work stuff and that she will talk to me tomorrow. I've know this girl for a year and a half and she has never said she will talk to me tomorrow... she always wants to check in before bed. So this was red flag to me. I ended up driving up to her house to see if she was actually home and her car wasn't there so I gave her a call to see what she was doing and she texted back that she was at home doing her work LOL.

I texted her that she is a liar and never to contact me again and that I hope the new guy works out.

Women are brutal. I don't even care that she doesn't like me or likes some other guy. Its just so pathetic how much they lie. The worst part is you want to see the best in someone and they let you down. You want to think that they are good person but in reality they are garbage.

We've broken up like 4 times and she always end up chasing me and then we start back up but this time is different. I highly doubt she will chase after today and if she does she's getting the NC.

ughhh

Women are brutal as shiit man. Good think you acted on your gut feeling because she was probably going to milk it for all it was worth until shiit was set up right with the new guy.
Come to think of it my ex was doing that shiit a lot before the breakup and she never ever did that shiit before that point, taking forever to text back. Saying shiit like lets just say goodnight through text tonight because my friend is sleeping and I don't want to wake her up when the phone rings (put it on silent) I don't want to wake her up talking (I just want to say goodnight real quick) I think it would be better to just text tonight.. B.S. All of my friends went out to a club but I just stayed at her apartment and slept because I was doing laundry there and had work in the morning(B.S). Looking back it was all bs and she was probably running around with some other guy while using me as some sort of transition crutch (she did something similar before with some guy she had known for 3 weeks lying about who she was with and shiit so she proved she was well capable of such things and I was well sketched out). Shiit is fukked up and your situation has actually brought back a lot of memories in my own situation that I was just dismissing because I loved the chick. Plus we were long distance so I couldn't just drop by or I would have for sure, she could have been cuckolding me during phone sex for all I know (how fuked up would that be?). Was going to surprise her ass and fly down there but when I mentioned visiting she said "I don't think that is a good idea"... sketchy......sketchy...as...fukkk.

I am cutting my losses and moving the fukk on to find a dime with some morals and values that do not go MIA when she meets new friends. As should you brah.

- You just awakened a rage inside of me- Thankyou for providing me with flashbacks that I well needed. Don't even care if she found another dude or hooked up or whatever, that is what I will retain in my mind.. her sketchy asss behavior.

[koreangenetics]

I think all of these women problems is simply because she's not fully interested. I mean no one can be full 100% vested all the time but we were just "there" when she was feeling lonely, bored, etc.. once girls realize they could get something better or had enough they go cold or start to give problems

[BradKemp]

Women are brutal as shiit man. Good think you acted on your gut feeling because she was probably going to milk it for all it was worth until shiit was set up right with the new guy.
Come to think of it my ex was doing that shiit a lot before the breakup and she never ever did that shiit before that point, taking forever to text back. Saying shiit like lets just say goodnight through text tonight because my friend is sleeping and I don't want to wake her up when the phone rings. All of my friends went out to a club but I just stayed at her apartment and slept because I was doing laundry there and had work in the morning. Looking back it was all bs and she was probably running around with some other guy while using me as some sort of transition crutch. Shiit is fukked up and your situation has actually brought back a lot of memories in my own situation that I was just dismissing because I loved the chick. Plus we were long distance so I couldn't just drop by or I would have for sure. Was going to surprise her ass and fly down there but when I mentioned visiting she said "I don't think that is a good idea"... sketchy......sketchy...as...fukkk.
- You just awakened a rage inside of me- Thankyou for providing me with a flashback that I well needed.

The girl I was seeing actually had 2 kids... tonight her kids were supposed to be at her dads house but she told me yesterday that she had to switch days. That's the other reason why my gut was going off like crazy.

While I drove by her house to see if she was actually at home she texted me saying she couldn't talk because she was putting her kids to sleep. This women actually used her kids as alibi so she could gain my trust so she could go out and sleep with some new guy. Like... it doesn't get any worse than that.

[SkullCore]

I am just surprised yet not surprised. She is just such a cold low down piece of filth. She actually tried to flip it on me and blame me saying I should have never sent her the email and that I ****ed with her. Whatever I am so done with this bish, ya it hurts but dumped twice by her no thank you, she is garbage.

Lol of course, it's never their fault.. never.

[ReflexReform]

Thanks brah. I was trying to be optimistic but whatever it is what it is. At least I can rest easy knowing I did my part to try and save us, this is on her now.



Actually her friend when she read the email told her maybe she should contact me if she still does love me(what my ex told me initially) so the friend had my back. Apparently the mom did not want my ex to even meet with me and after she found out we were working it out she was not happy but not sure if that played a role because ex never really listens to her mom to begin with. I always used to blame others for my ex's behavior, her friends, this person, that person but really it is just HER, nobody else just HER. She is cold hearted piece of trash at the end of the day, I tried to find the good in her, maybe she made a mistake(s) but nope she's just scum and I see this now. It still kills but I don't regret sending the email it just solidifies the relationship is beyond dead.

It def. had something to do with the mom man. My exes mom was pulling the same shiit always trying to talk her out of the relationship to go "explore her options" well she finally worked her over, probably with some sort of threatening persuasion after my ex continually stuck up for out relationship and for me. I guess she finally broke down and gave in to her moms wishes. Not to mention her friends were egging her on too from all angles. oddly enough I didn't move in with my ex because I didn't want to ruin her and her moms relationship, suppose I got what I wanted?? lol

Maybe in your situation the friend had your back, but if her family was riding her asss to get out of the relationship with you it was probably just building up more and more stress on her end it until she finally caved in. Never good when the mom or dad is protesting the relationship, especially during a breakup. I don't understand what is wrong with these parents that want to control their kids through adulthood, shiit is ridiculous let people live and make mistakes(if that is what they think is happening) and learn from them.

[ReflexReform]

Lol of course, it's never their fault.. never.

They couldn't have had anything to do with it brah, you know this. they were just spectators while we were causing havoc and destroying the relationship single handedly. What cracks me up is the logic it takes to hold that stance while the guy is pining away trying to win the girl back. Completely insane, makes me irate even thinking about the scenario. I realized my situation wasn't soo bad though once I began looking on different forums, my god women do some terrible things.

[crazymofo01]

Lol of course, it's never their fault.. never.

She even admitted to just fixating on the bad to justify her actions. This bish is dead to me now, legit. I am done & done with her now. Like why voluntarily call me after my email and ASK me to meet her and then AGREE to give it another try only to decide she isn't feeling it now. What a low down piece of vile scum filfth - end rant.

[ReflexReform]

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/c...ex_did_to_you/

After reading some of these... I don't feel so bad about my situation. Still hurts but realize it could be much worse.