The No Contact Thread v3.0: I'll Hug You Bro No Homo.

[kirkster501]

Jesus fuking Christ guys. I had to see her yesterday. For the first couple of hours it was just breaking my heart being with her as we sorted out the bond situation. Then at the end she asks if I'm seeing anyone and tells me that she's seeing someone. ****s sake the ****. This is the guy she cheated on me with and fukked the day we broke up. Then she justifies it by saying that in the last few months of our relationship it was "barely a real relationship". Such a fuking hurtful thing to say, I loved her so much and tried so hard. I feel so incredibly broken right now. Everything in my life is in ****ing shards and honestly this **** with her is just the tip of the iceberg. I wish to god I didn't care about her. I ****ing hate everything right now.

Man she is not worth it. Don't go pinning after such a woman who was so evil to you, you are better than that. Keep reminding yourself of this.

[ManKo91]

Thanks man. It's so fukking hard to move on knowing that she is safe and not lonely, and I've got this huge black hole in my heart, starting a year in a hospital in a small town so I'm going to be busy at work and seriously not sure how I'm going to meet new people. Before I met her and had a relationship like this, it wouldn't have worried me, but I fukking miss having someone to message about anything and anytime, knowing that they care and will listen and that I am not alone. This **** sucks

Things will get better; you just have to keep moving forward. I know how you feel though, and it’s not easy. But ask yourself, do you really want to be with someone that cheated on you, that doesn’t care about you at all?

[TallSaint]

Thanks for the good advice, but I actually AGREE with you...I don't think you can be friends with an ex! You can be friendly, in some cases, but not actual friends. At least, that's been my experience. I was asking TallSaint about the whole 'friends with an ex' concept, because he mentioned he wanted to be friends with his ex [it wasn't regarding myself]

Right, I mean you're not really 'friends' if you are hoping that somewhere down the line, getting close again will lead to reconciliation. You're just investing time and emotional intimacy for a greater end goal...Anyway, what happened between you two? I'm unaware of your situation with her...what did she do that signified disrespect?

To cliff a long story:

-Met this girl last summer through sports
-She had a boyfriend at the time so I became friends with her but never made any sort of move, but there was obvious tension between us and I started to get feels.
-Boyfriend broke up with her at the end of summer
-She still hanged around with her ex-bf and their group of friends (who are all guys) even after they broke up
-We started to get closer, started hanging out more and talking more
-Started 'officially' going on dates in November and things were going really good
-The week before the holidays began she started acting really distant, cancelled all our dates for that week and would take forever to answer my texts/messages. So I go NC.
-She asks to see me the following week for coffee
-During coffee she tells me that after one of our dates the week before, she kissed one of her ex-bfs friends, while drunk (she drinks a lot, smokes and parties ALOT), and that she couldn't be with me right now even though she wanted to. Ex-bf's friend apparently asked ex-bf if it would be okay to date her and ex-bf said yes (lol).
-I get up and leave coffee shop and go NC for the entire holidays.
-See her again at sports after holidays, maintain NC and it's awkward as hell.
-Talked with her 3 weeks ago and she said she was mad at me for walking out on her at the coffee shop (lol) that I was her #1 choice and she tells me she is 'dating' her ex-bfs friend and it is the 'biggest regret of her life' and she is 'trapped' and 'doesn't know how to get out of it.'
-I just say whatever (I honestly don't know if she is being truthful or if she is just playing mind-games)
-We agree to continue playing sports and not make it awkward so basically we're friends now, but I don't talk to her about her dating life.
-Tension/feels still exist, like when I saw her last night, but we don't talk about it.

Toxic girl is toxic but I have strong feels (I'm coming to face the fact that I'm more than likely in love with her)

I should say that she has a lot of great qualities about her that made me fall for her but dating her really bought out her horrible qualities. I don't mean to paint her as the worst person in the world in this post, but what happened is the truth.

Sorry for the long cliffs, I got carried away.

[MuckSnapper]

Just clicked the RH section out of curiosity. Haven't been in RH in forever

Practically nostalgia'd seeing this thread on the first page

Might as well drop the ol' cliché "trust me it gets better and you'll laugh at how much you cared" post

Because it's true. Lol

Thanks for the good advice, but I actually AGREE with you...I don't think you can be friends with an ex! You can be friendly, in some cases, but not actual friends. At least, that's been my experience. I was asking TallSaint about the whole 'friends with an ex' concept, because he mentioned he wanted to be friends with his ex [it wasn't regarding myself]

Right, I mean you're not really 'friends' if you are hoping that somewhere down the line, getting close again will lead to reconciliation. You're just investing time and emotional intimacy for a greater end goal...Anyway, what happened between you two? I'm unaware of your situation with her...what did she do that signified disrespect?

Good to see Daisy still helpin brahs out

[ReflexReform]

Thanks man. It's so fukking hard to move on knowing that she is safe and not lonely, and I've got this huge black hole in my heart, starting a year in a hospital in a small town so I'm going to be busy at work and seriously not sure how I'm going to meet new people. Before I met her and had a relationship like this, it wouldn't have worried me, but I fukking miss having someone to message about anything and anytime, knowing that they care and will listen and that I am not alone. This **** sucks

I'm on that same page but 4 months in. It gets better, you have to learn to confide in yourself. I moved to the smallest town possible and know zero people so I feel you on that. No one to turn to but family, in a way it has made my bond with family stronger and have been getting back in touch with some old friends.

It is rough having that kind of void in your life, but we all need to be happy with ourselves to be able to share ourselves with someone else. I think a lot of people on this thread have done the same thing and made our exes the focus point of our lives and lost our sense of self somewhat. We all need to get that back and remember who we were before the relationship, especially if we want someone better than our exes.
Use her as motivation to do something significant with your life and to find someone even better, because when she sees you picked yourself up and are doing better than ever she will be the one feeling like a bag of chit. Do it for you not for her in any way, just know she will be kicking herself.
Just remember you didn't do chit wrong and it is her fault. This is a blessing brah she made your life a living hell.

[kirkster501]

. I think a lot of people on this thread have done the same thing and made our exes the focus point of our lives and lost our sense of self somewhat. We all need to get that back and remember who we were before the relationship, especially if we want someone better than our exes.

Indeed. Well put dude.

[N9neTails]

I'm curious, why did you guy break up and what lead to no ability to reconciliation? What stage did you decide to become "just friends?"

It does indeed get better. I survived a very long term relationship ending in deceit and it was a very long stage of turmoil finding my way out so this situation I'm in will just be a blip in time in the grand scheme of things. I think what makes it hurt is sharing my past hurts and the reassurance but yet being JUST the same. Sigh.

But now indeed isn't forever. I woke up feeling a bit numb to everything and without the emotional tie, holding me, I'll probably go into the angry stage after focusing on it. Sigh. Another rodeo.

Too much pain and scars in the relationship... I am a drug addict and was struggling terribly throughout our relationship.. relapse.. sober.. rehab... etc..alot of emotional abuse both ways. It hit a point we just had to go separate ways for both of our sake. She replaced me with new guys, I replaced her with chemicals.

[ReflexReform]

Too much pain and scars in the relationship... I am a drug addict and was struggling terribly throughout our relationship.. relapse.. sober.. rehab... etc..alot of emotional abuse both ways. It hit a point we just had to go separate ways for both of our sake. She replaced me with new guys, I replaced her with chemicals.

This may come off as harsh and I am sure you have heard similar advice before but-
You have got to face your demons man. You NEED to get away from anything that you are dependent on, that is no way to live at all. You need to bite the bullet and take your lumps bro, your life will be so much more fulfilling when you are only relying on YOU for YOUR HAPPINESS. Drugs and Relationships are just temporary fixes, distractions if you will that keep our minds occupied for the time being. Now is a perfect opportunity for you to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what you want to be. If your reflection does not show you are on the right path then it is time to change paths bro. Everyone should be able to look in the mirror and tell themselves "i love you" even I had a hard time doing that at one point and actually meaning it, it is a harsh reality to face.

“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”
― Steve Jobs

[N9neTails]

This may come off as harsh and I am sure you have heard similar advice before but-
You have got to face your demons man. You NEED to get away from anything that you are dependent on, that is no way to live at all. You need to bite the bullet and take your lumps bro, your life will be so much more fulfilling when you are only relying on YOU for YOUR HAPPINESS. Drugs and Relationships are just temporary fixes, distractions if you will that keep our minds occupied for the time being. Now is a perfect opportunity for you to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what you want to be. If your reflection does not show you are on the right path then it is time to change paths bro. Everyone should be able to look in the mirror and tell themselves "i love you" even I had a hard time doing that at one point and actually meaning it, it is a harsh reality to face.

“I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.”
― Steve Jobs

None taken dude. I am 113 days clean and sober from drugs and alcohol, and this is certainly not my first time getting clean. But after the girl I commenced no contact with 2 years ago, I haven't been in a serious relationship. I have to find happiness internally and not from women or drugs, specifically meth. It is a journey and a process to say the least, many slips and falls, but the foundation of my recovery has been trying to learn to be OK with myself- my problems go far deeper than just chemicals. I am just now dabbling in a more serious romantic relationship with a girl now and I have been single for years... Not to say I haven't had flings, but not this serious. I appreciate your comment.

[ReflexReform]

To cliff a long story:

-Met this girl last summer through sports
-She had a boyfriend at the time so I became friends with her but never made any sort of move, but there was obvious tension between us and I started to get feels.
-Boyfriend broke up with her at the end of summer
-She still hanged around with her ex-bf and their group of friends (who are all guys) even after they broke up
-We started to get closer, started hanging out more and talking more
-Started 'officially' going on dates in November and things were going really good
-The week before the holidays began she started acting really distant, cancelled all our dates for that week and would take forever to answer my texts/messages. So I go NC.
-She asks to see me the following week for coffee
-During coffee she tells me that after one of our dates the week before, she kissed one of her ex-bfs friends, while drunk (she drinks a lot, smokes and parties ALOT), and that she couldn't be with me right now even though she wanted to. Ex-bf's friend apparently asked ex-bf if it would be okay to date her and ex-bf said yes (lol).
-I get up and leave coffee shop and go NC for the entire holidays.
-See her again at sports after holidays, maintain NC and it's awkward as hell.
-Talked with her 3 weeks ago and she said she was mad at me for walking out on her at the coffee shop (lol) that I was her #1 choice and she tells me she is 'dating' her ex-bfs friend and it is the 'biggest regret of her life' and she is 'trapped' and 'doesn't know how to get out of it.'
-I just say whatever (I honestly don't know if she is being truthful or if she is just playing mind-games)
-We agree to continue playing sports and not make it awkward so basically we're friends now, but I don't talk to her about her dating life.
-Tension/feels still exist, like when I saw her last night, but we don't talk about it.

Toxic girl is toxic but I have strong feels (I'm coming to face the fact that I'm more than likely in love with her)

I should say that she has a lot of great qualities about her that made me fall for her but dating her really bought out her horrible qualities. I don't mean to paint her as the worst person in the world in this post, but what happened is the truth.

Sorry for the long cliffs, I got carried away.

Just throwing it out there-
considering she broke your trust that early in to dating it seems to me that you two are better as friends no matter how much attraction there is. I know several girls I have known since high school that are very attractive and I "could" be compatible with, but I accept the fact that we are compatible as friends no matter how attractive they might be I refuse to even attempt to date them. Then again I don't usually find any interest in girls that have boyfriends, I stay away from any possible feels for taken girls and avoid drama at any cost.

think about it this way- How would you realistically be able to build a solid relationship on that type of foundation of mistrust and drama?
Not to mention she seems to be one with a plethora of orbiters to choose from, who is to say that this same situation ("accidental" drunk hook up) would not unfold with a different guy she associates with.

You have to take a step back and take an objective look at this situation, If a close friend of yours was in a similar situation; what advice would you give them?

[daisygirl713]

Just stumbled upon this reply. Bout to give you the rundown, a short story if you will.

I'm pretty sure I read about your sitch before...story looks familiar. It seems that you two were in different life stages for the majority of your relationship, and the truth is, some couples can ride it out until they get in sync, and others cannot. In the case that they can't, it means they need to separate, so they can develop themselves individually. If the bond is strong enough, time will bring them back together when the pieces can harmoniously fit.
The best thing for you is to focus on yourself right now, and work on creating the life you want. You have to develop yourself, before you can be an equal partner in a relationship. There's this concept I based off of a phrase from 'Field of Dreams', regarding self development- if you build it, they will come. The idea is that if you do you, and put your efforts into creating the best version of yourself, people will be drawn to the energy you are emitting into the universe.You won't need to chase after people or convince them to want you; they will see it with their own eyes and know you're worth it.

She just gave up so easily out of nowhere over the course of the last month for seemingly no good reason at all.

I'm sure the seeds were laid long before the last month of your relationship...things usually silently deteriorate in LTRs, and what ends up happening is you miss what's going on right in front of you, until it's already over. It seemingly comes out of nowhere, but in reality, it's been in the making for much longer; you just missed the signs along the way. Not to say it's anyone's fault; a lot of times, the dismantling is inevitable, but the sense that it came out of nowhere needs to be dispelled.

[daisygirl713]

To cliff a long story:

Hmm..okay I hate to say it, but you sound like a classic rebound. Seems like she is leaning on you as a confidante, and for emotional support, more than anything else. This is supported by her confiding in you about feeling 'trapped' in her current relationship and it being a regret, blah blah blah. She's all over the place with her emotions, and completely confused, because she never gave herself down-time to recover from her initial breakup in the summer. She just jumped from distraction to distraction, and now she doesn't know wtf is even going on.

You are taking the right path in not discussing her dating life at all...not that she really should be discussing that with you in the first place? But because you can't avoid her due to your communal activities, you need to focus on setting FIRM BOUNDARIES and upholding them.
She is a write off to invest in, in her current state...she needs a lot of time alone, to get herself sorted. You need to stick to whatever healthy boundaries you set, so you give yourself the chance to heal, and eventually have a clean slate to start with someone new

[ReflexReform]

I'm pretty sure I read about your sitch before...story looks familiar. It seems that you two were in different life stages for the majority of your relationship, and the truth is, some couples can ride it out until they get in sync, and others cannot. In the case that they can't, it means they need to separate, so they can develop themselves individually. If the bond is strong enough, time will bring them back together when the pieces can harmoniously fit.
The best thing for you is to focus on yourself right now, and work on creating the life you want. You have to develop yourself, before you can be an equal partner in a relationship. There's this concept I based off of a phrase from 'Field of Dreams', regarding self development- if you build it, they will come. The idea is that if you do you, and put your efforts into creating the best version of yourself, people will be drawn to the energy you are emitting into the universe.You won't need to chase after people or convince them to want you; they will see it with their own eyes and know you're worth it.


I'm sure the seeds were laid long before the last month of your relationship...things usually silently deteriorate in LTRs, and what ends up happening is you miss what's going on right in front of you, until it's already over. It seemingly comes out of nowhere, but in reality, it's been in the making for much longer; you just missed the signs along the way. Not to say it's anyone's fault; a lot of times, the dismantling is inevitable, but the sense that it came out of nowhere needs to be dispelled.

I agree with you completely, looking back it was deteriorating slowly over time I just missed the clues as I was caught up in my own chit.

As to the quote you mentioned "if you build it, they will come"; I completely agree, it is basic physics. I have done a lot of soul searching lately and have came to accept similar advice, which all relates to the law of attraction and the frequencies that we emit as people in different stages of our lives. In order to attract what you want, you have to be vibrating on the same frequency as what you are seeking. Obviously in my case, I was putting out a much higher frequency when I met her and slowly slipped into a negative place in my life.

My big question is- Coming from a female perspective, what would you see as the best way to leave the door open at this point? I'm not really one to leave things on bad terms unless there was some serious wrongdoing.

Considering everything got pretty toxic post breakup I would rather not leave things on a toxic note. Given I never stooped to the point of saying anything harsh or resentful to her and actually told her I knew she did really care about me and understood why she left me/ how our relationship became a negative part of her life instead of remaining a positive part. I would kind of like to explain my irrational behavior ( throwing out assumptions/ accusations in an attempt to get an explanation) , which obviously had very adverse affects on the situation..

Really just trying to find a way to plant some seeds for a possible future with her, if there is any chance that they will grow on her at all once she sees I am consistently moving in the right direction life-wise.

[ReflexReform]

None taken dude. I am 113 days clean and sober from drugs and alcohol, and this is certainly not my first time getting clean. But after the girl I commenced no contact with 2 years ago, I haven't been in a serious relationship. I have to find happiness internally and not from women or drugs, specifically meth. It is a journey and a process to say the least, many slips and falls, but the foundation of my recovery has been trying to learn to be OK with myself- my problems go far deeper than just chemicals. I am just now dabbling in a more serious romantic relationship with a girl now and I have been single for years... Not to say I haven't had flings, but not this serious. I appreciate your comment.

That's great man, awesome you found it in you to stay away from it. I am sure of all the drugs meth is one of the hardest to escape from. Just gotta remain focused on your problems more than any relationship, given they can coincide if done correctly. Just don't let that relationship or anything else pull you away from your own goals and personal missions. That is what it is all about though, being at peace with yourself and your life without any other influence on it.

[TallSaint]

Just throwing it out there-
considering she broke your trust that early in to dating it seems to me that you two are better as friends no matter how much attraction there is. I know several girls I have known since high school that are very attractive and I "could" be compatible with, but I accept the fact that we are compatible as friends no matter how attractive they might be I refuse to even attempt to date them. Then again I don't usually find any interest in girls that have boyfriends, I stay away from any possible feels for taken girls and avoid drama at any cost.

think about it this way- How would you realistically be able to build a solid relationship on that type of foundation of mistrust and drama?
Not to mention she seems to be one with a plethora of orbiters to choose from, who is to say that this same situation ("accidental" drunk hook up) would not unfold with a different guy she associates with.

You have to take a step back and take an objective look at this situation, If a close friend of yours was in a similar situation; what advice would you give them?

You're right. I would probably tell my friend that trust was broken early on and it's probably better to move on. I probably couldn't trust her in a dating sense no matter how attracted I am to her.

It sucks because I spend a lot of time these days imagining what could have been, which makes it harder to let go when I know I should.

Hmm..okay I hate to say it, but you sound like a classic rebound. Seems like she is leaning on you as a confidante, and for emotional support, more than anything else. This is supported by her confiding in you about feeling 'trapped' in her current relationship and it being a regret, blah blah blah. She's all over the place with her emotions, and completely confused, because she never gave herself down-time to recover from her initial breakup in the summer. She just jumped from distraction to distraction, and now she doesn't know wtf is even going on.

You are taking the right path in not discussing her dating life at all...not that she really should be discussing that with you in the first place? But because you can't avoid her due to your communal activities, you need to focus on setting FIRM BOUNDARIES and upholding them.
She is a write off to invest in, in her current state...she needs a lot of time alone, to get herself sorted. You need to stick to whatever healthy boundaries you set, so you give yourself the chance to heal, and eventually have a clean slate to start with someone new

I was afraid of being a rebound when she broke up with her bf in the summer. So I gave it a few months before I asked her out. I guess i wasn't long enough because the way you are describing her is pretty much spot on.

What's funny is that even if I was a rebound, the dates that we went on and the time we spent together were amazing, it's hard to accept it wasn't genuine.

I don't plan to ask her out or plan to see her outside of the sports league. Last week she mentioned that he should grab some drinks sometime and chill (???) I just brushed it off and changed the subject. It's hard being cold with her and it's hard to hold back what I want to say to her. She even called me out on it last night when she said...

"You are being really quiet, I feel like you want to tell me something"

Again I brushed the question off. I figure if I break these boundaries, I'm going to leave myself vulnerable for more wounds.

----------------------------

I want to thank both of you guys very much for your advice. Even talking about it in this thread helps me grasp the reality of the situation when my mind becomes clouded with "what ifs" which leads me to hope there is something in the future. But you guys are right, I need to move on and I will have to do that through keeping my boundaries and just having her in my life as someone who I can play in a sports league with but nothing else.

[ReflexReform]

You're right. I would probably tell my friend that trust was broken early on and it's probably better to move on. I probably couldn't trust her in a dating sense no matter how attracted I am to her.

It sucks because I spend a lot of time these days imagining what could have been, which makes it harder to let go when I know I should.



What's funny is that even if I was a rebound, the dates that we went on and the time we spent together were amazing, it's hard to accept it wasn't genuine.

I don't plan to ask her out or plan to see her outside of the sports league. Last week she mentioned that he should grab some drinks sometime and chill (???) I just brushed it off and changed the subject. It's hard being cold with her and it's hard to hold back what I want to say to her. She even called me out on it last night when she said...

"You are being really quiet, I feel like you want to tell me something"



Again I brushed the question off. I figure if I break these boundaries, I'm going to leave myself vulnerable for more wounds.

----------------------------

I want to thank both of you guys very much for your advice. Even talking about it in this thread helps me grasp the reality of the situation when my mind becomes clouded with "what ifs" which leads me to hope there is something in the future. But you guys are right, I need to move on and I will have to do that through keeping my boundaries and just having her in my life as someone who I can play in a sports league with but nothing else.

Not a problem man, that's why were all here to help each other out of the chit and get on with out lives.
You don't need to be cold to her or even straight up ignore her, might even be beneficial to get chit off your chest with her if she is initiating the conversation. It may be better (since you two are friends) to throw everything out in the open and let the chick understand what your expectations were and how they have changed (since it appears she is confused and needs time to sort herself out) to avoid here pushing the envelope any more. Then again the same could be achieved by withdrawing emotionally from her altogether with no explanation.

But I would not be thinking about going back, at least not now or any time soon. Wait until she sorts her chit out and she earns your trust back, then (possibly, if you are still up for it) think about giving her another shot; but def. take some time away from the romantic chit with her. Maybe fwb would work out if you are down with that, I personally don't dabble in that mess because it always leads to feels with the wrong person.

As far as imagining "what could have been" I still have trouble with that myself from my break up nearly 5 months ago (where I was trying to plan moving in with her cross country right before the breakup) I keep trying to drill this quote I came across into my head until it sticks for good and the regrets and thought of being left by someone I cared about leaves my head.

Renew, release, let go. Yesterdays gone. There's nothing you can do to bring it back. You cant should've done something. You can only DO something. Renew yourself. Release that attachment. Today is a new day!
Steve Maraboli

[CarsonPalmer]

Welp. Back in this thread! Probably not going to be NC right away until all the logistics of moving out are done. But shiit brahs we almost got our relationship back on the right track. But nope! So once im moved out i am moving on and going NC

[ReflexReform]

Hitting yet another wave of feels.
At this point I feel like I have tried everything to move on and accept that things are over. I am just bothered by the way my ex apparently perceives me and would like to set the record straight as I feel being ignored and blocked out with no explanation is completely unwarranted and immature.
I honestly feel like the only thing that would help ME move on would be to reach out one final time and set the record straight on me what my situation in life was/ is. It seems that explaining myself and at least trying to cancel out her misconceptions of me would at least allow me to know that I explained everything and gave her the chance to explain herself as well, which only seems like the right/ mature thing to do at this point. Ignoring eachother and leaving things on a bad note just because circumstances weren't ideal or because I personally was in a bad situation just seems immature and honestly leaves me with this shadow hanging over me since she left everything on the note that "she would contact me when she was ready/ if I leave her alone it would make things better". She has been nothing but selfish about this whole situation and I can only attribute that to her attitude mixed with her chitty friends advice (who don't even know me).

[SkullCore]

Hitting yet another wave of feels.
At this point I feel like I have tried everything to move on and accept that things are over. I am just bothered by the way my ex apparently perceives me and would like to set the record straight as I feel being ignored and blocked out with no explanation is completely unwarranted and immature.
I honestly feel like the only thing that would help ME move on would be to reach out one final time and set the record straight on me what my situation in life was/ is. It seems that explaining myself and at least trying to cancel out her misconceptions of me would at least allow me to know that I explained everything and gave her the chance to explain herself as well, which only seems like the right/ mature thing to do at this point. Ignoring eachother and leaving things on a bad note just because circumstances weren't ideal or because I personally was in a bad situation just seems immature and honestly leaves me with this shadow hanging over me since she left everything on the note that "she would contact me when she was ready/ if I leave her alone it would make things better". She has been nothing but selfish about this whole situation and I can only attribute that to her attitude mixed with her chitty friends advice (who don't even know me).

Feels lol, I feel like you're overthinking all of this. Give it time man, I remember I was in the exact place you're at right now even with the chitty friends advice. All I can say is give it time and go outside, even if it's to sit somewhere in a park do it instead being inside all the time.

I've been casually talking to my ex, I feel like we could even be friends but fuk that. I have no feelings towards her anymore and that's great, she hasn't changed at all so it makes things easier. She's doing this because she doesn't care and probably she's telling you the tyipcal bs: "I need time for myself" "I want to be independent" "I just want to focus on me".

Sometimes leaving things like that it's the best, don't sweat it and stop caring about it but in the meanwhile at least pretend you don't care.

[kirkster501]

Hitting yet another wave of feels.
At this point I feel like I have tried everything to move on and accept that things are over. I am just bothered by the way my ex apparently perceives me and would like to set the record straight as I feel being ignored and blocked out with no explanation is completely unwarranted and immature.
I honestly feel like the only thing that would help ME move on would be to reach out one final time and set the record straight on me what my situation in life was/ is. It seems that explaining myself and at least trying to cancel out her misconceptions of me would at least allow me to know that I explained everything and gave her the chance to explain herself as well, which only seems like the right/ mature thing to do at this point. Ignoring eachother and leaving things on a bad note just because circumstances weren't ideal or because I personally was in a bad situation just seems immature and honestly leaves me with this shadow hanging over me since she left everything on the note that "she would contact me when she was ready/ if I leave her alone it would make things better". She has been nothing but selfish about this whole situation and I can only attribute that to her attitude mixed with her chitty friends advice (who don't even know me).

Man, what possible good would this "final reaching out" achieve? Do you think she'll really listen? You're deluding yourself dude, this will only wind you up even more and set you back and set yourself even lower in her eyes. Man, you gotta do what you feel you gotta do but I'd advise you don't.

[ManKo91]

Hitting yet another wave of feels.
At this point I feel like I have tried everything to move on and accept that things are over. I am just bothered by the way my ex apparently perceives me and would like to set the record straight as I feel being ignored and blocked out with no explanation is completely unwarranted and immature.
I honestly feel like the only thing that would help ME move on would be to reach out one final time and set the record straight on me what my situation in life was/ is. It seems that explaining myself and at least trying to cancel out her misconceptions of me would at least allow me to know that I explained everything and gave her the chance to explain herself as well, which only seems like the right/ mature thing to do at this point. Ignoring eachother and leaving things on a bad note just because circumstances weren't ideal or because I personally was in a bad situation just seems immature and honestly leaves me with this shadow hanging over me since she left everything on the note that "she would contact me when she was ready/ if I leave her alone it would make things better". She has been nothing but selfish about this whole situation and I can only attribute that to her attitude mixed with her chitty friends advice (who don't even know me).

I would strongly advise you not to contact her, but since you already did 60 days of NC, maybe is not that bad. But I think it’s better if you don’t. You have to know that It doesn’t matter what you tell her if you call her/text her now, because in a few hours or days you will have something else to say.

If you don’t believe me, open a word document and write her a letter there, but don’t send it. Wait a few hours, and you will see that you will have something else to say, to change, and to edit on that letter. In a few days, you will do more changes.

And that is normal, after many years with her, its normal to have lot to things to say. If you text her or call her you will feel better for a few hours, but later you will feel bad. You will feel that you still have other things to say, so I don’t think it’s a good idea. Besides, you say that she was selfish, so if anyone should contact anyone, I think it should be her.

[kirkster501]

I would strongly advise you not to contact her, but since you already did 60 days of NC, maybe is not that bad. But I think it’s better if you don’t. You have to know that It doesn’t matter what you tell her if you call her/text her now, because in a few hours or days you will have something else to say.

If you don’t believe me, open a word document and write her a letter there, but don’t send it. Wait a few hours, and you will see that you will have something else to say, to change, and to edit on that letter. In a few days, you will do more changes.

And that is normal, after many years with her, its normal to have lot to things to say. If you text her or call her you will feel better for a few hours, but later you will feel bad. You will feel that you still have other things to say, so I don’t think it’s a good idea. Besides, you say that she was selfish, so if anyone should contact anyone, I think it should be her.

Wise words and well put dude.

As I said earlier, you'll not get it off your chest at all, it will make you feel worse. Silence is a killer weapon: use it!

[ReflexReform]

I would strongly advise you not to contact her, but since you already did 60 days of NC, maybe is not that bad. But I think it’s better if you don’t. You have to know that It doesn’t matter what you tell her if you call her/text her now, because in a few hours or days you will have something else to say.

If you don’t believe me, open a word document and write her a letter there, but don’t send it. Wait a few hours, and you will see that you will have something else to say, to change, and to edit on that letter. In a few days, you will do more changes.

And that is normal, after many years with her, its normal to have lot to things to say. If you text her or call her you will feel better for a few hours, but later you will feel bad. You will feel that you still have other things to say, so I don’t think it’s a good idea. Besides, you say that she was selfish, so if anyone should contact anyone, I think it should be her.

You are right man, It would just make me feel worse and I would keep thinking of more to say or how I should have phrased chit. I would just like to change her perception of me, but I realize that she is the only one that can do that and me contacting her would just make her perception worse at this point. It would also set me back to square one.... Even though I figure I would gain some closure by letting her know it is the last time I will reach out and it would all be on her shoulders that she is the one who wants to keep things so toxic (possibly a defense mechanism but who knows, could be that she did something wrong). I have already done the whole editing word documents and they usually turned out to be firm 3 page letters that I didn't send, I suppose I should continue to release all these pent up emotions on word docs. and working out.

It is just mind boggling to think that she told me I didn't do anything wrong and then cuts me out of her life completely. The circumstances weren't the best, but ignoring me and providing no explanation for the accusations she threw at me seems pretty pointless and immature.
I don't see the point in leaving chit on bad terms, but I guess I have already reached out more than enough and it is already on her at this point.

About to go for the angriest workout of my life-
Fuk all the bullchit, self improvement needs to be my focus (not this girl that clearly wants nothing to do with me and has shut me down repeatedly when I was as nice as possible after the chit she said to me)

[ReflexReform]

Wise words and well put dude.

As I said earlier, you'll not get it off your chest at all, it will make you feel worse. Silence is a killer weapon: use it!

I already know man, or at least I should know (have came to that conclusion many times over)... just having one of those days. Woke up with feels and have yet to recede. Going to take it out on a workout session.

I got you on the silence too, girl has been using it on me for 4-5 months with sporadic cold replies and that chit is worse than being told off (I would rather be told off, so I can just say fk this and move on).

I just need to focus on self improvement and become someone she regrets letting go so easily. Nothing I say will change her views, only things that I DO and contacting her is not one that would have positive effects.

[daisygirl713]

Hitting yet another wave of feels.
At this point I feel like I have tried everything to move on and accept that things are over. I am just bothered by the way my ex apparently perceives me and would like to set the record straight as I feel being ignored and blocked out with no explanation is completely unwarranted and immature.
I honestly feel like the only thing that would help ME move on would be to reach out one final time and set the record straight on me what my situation in life was/ is. It seems that explaining myself and at least trying to cancel out her misconceptions of me would at least allow me to know that I explained everything and gave her the chance to explain herself as well, which only seems like the right/ mature thing to do at this point. Ignoring eachother and leaving things on a bad note just because circumstances weren't ideal or because I personally was in a bad situation just seems immature and honestly leaves me with this shadow hanging over me since she left everything on the note that "she would contact me when she was ready/ if I leave her alone it would make things better". She has been nothing but selfish about this whole situation and I can only attribute that to her attitude mixed with her chitty friends advice (who don't even know me).

Honestly, why do you need to prove your worth to someone who is BLIND to it?

FYI- you don't! Real talk- fck the people who can't see your worth. I have read many of your posts here...your thoughts...you have a beautiful mind, and it's a mind that thinks deeply, that feels deeply, and that hopes for more and better, always. A girl would be lucky to be by your side. I hope you see that...

I actually went through a similar situation, where someone I had known for some time blasted me, and basically did a character assassination on me. He tore me down to nothing...made me feel like utter sh!t, and after everything intimate that was exchanged between us, and all of the disclosures, to realize that he summed me up to nothing, was heartbreaking.

I remember afterwards, I was silenced to nothing...no words to defend myself, no feelings...I was numb, because it was too painful to feel anymore. He really destroyed everything- our entire bond by doing that. I could've responded with a long message back, detailing every point he was wrong about...I mean, I even wrote it out. But in the end, I knew sending it would be to no avail, because this person didn't value me at all. And they never would...I could try endlessly to prove myself to them, but it would be useless. They had their view of me, and nothing would change that.

This is why I chose not to fight the battle of proving myself...because I realized, anyone who put me in a position where i had to prove myself [when all i'd ever done was shown them caring] was not a person worthy to be in my life. And so i said nothing.

Instead of calling this person out on all of their inaccurate bullsh!t, i just cut them out instead. because truth is, if you don't me know after all of these years, you NEVER will. i didn't want that type of toxic person in my life anymore...i didn't want someone who put me in the position to have to prove myself constantly...tbh, this person made me feel like sh!t, and i simply couldn't keep them around any longer.

Point is, you can send an email or not, but truth be told, that email would be sent FOR YOU, not her. if it will make you feel better, send it...but words on a screen will not change how someone feels. furthermore, i really challenge you to ask yourself if you want that type of person in your life...and if you think you should have to prove yourself to someone...

because i am telling you, pointblank, someone either sees your soul, and appreciates/loves it,or they don't. i have seen your posts here, you seem like a very caring, good-hearted soul...beyond that, what do you have to prove? and to whom?

[ReflexReform]

Man, what possible good would this "final reaching out" achieve? Do you think she'll really listen? You're deluding yourself dude, this will only wind you up even more and set you back and set yourself even lower in her eyes. Man, you gotta do what you feel you gotta do but I'd advise you don't.

That is true, honestly just needed someone to put some logic back in my mind man. It would only make me look either desperate, bitter or crazy by reaching out yet again and she will begin to see it at a continuous(which will probably lead to her never changing her perspective of me and losing what little respect she may have for me) As well as losing ANY progress I have made the last 2 months.

[kirkster501]

That is true, honestly just needed someone to put some logic back in my mind man. It would only make me look either desperate, bitter or crazy by reaching out yet again and she will begin to see it at a continuous(which will probably lead to her never changing her perspective of me and losing what little respect she may have for me) As well as losing ANY progress I have made the last 2 months.

Indeed man. Leave the phuck alone. Make her miss you.

[RRiddlemethis]

Yeah, I ****ed up. I texted her. Here we go, misc.

I played it cool like Cam Newtons Zebra pants and she's into it. females are so easily manipulated by a change of behaviour it's ****ing ridiculous.

[CarsonPalmer]

Day 1 of break up. Been crying all day. This shiit is tough brahs. Hold me

[crazymofo01]

So it's been about 4 days since reconciliation with the ex after almost a month of NC. We discussed everything on Saturday and I thought we were on the same page but she is giving mixed signals at the same time. First she says she wants to proceed slow with things but then says if all goes well in a year she'd like to get married and all that, contradiction?

Anyhow I saw her sat for coffee, sun/mon briefly hung out just watched a bit of tv she fell asleep so I left. We have plans on thurs to see a movie and sat a hockey game. Today I asked if she wanted to hang out and she said she thinks space is good since we already have plans and so forth. Now normally prior to the break up we'd see one another probably every day even for a short period which is why I guess I expected it now but she says we don't need to see one another everyday and she wants to go slow and get to know another again and see where it goes. She acknowledges and see's the immediate change in my demeanor towards her but she thinks space is good also. I was like okay sure kind of thing, not pushing the envelope but it just feels like she has the upper hand here and she is expecting me to prove myself and show her what i've got to offer like I am selling myself to her whereas she has basically just been doing as she likes and not doing anything any different really. It's like she is getting her cake and eating it to, best of both worlds - for her. I know it's only been a few days so it's premature but just my thoughts so far.. I've bit my tongue and not said anything yet. I am hoping to let time pass so I can regain some power.

Thoughts, input/advice? Thanks brahs.