How to be nice while still being healthy

[chicky74]

I think many people honestly don't understand nutrition. I can't tell you how many times people have told me "we picked a healthy restaurant so you can eat there" and it ends up being equivalent to a Dennys or IHOP. Or "we made something healthy for you" and it is fried frozen potatoes. Sigh. I recognize that healthy to me is far more extreme than most people, but I love the way I eat. Unfortunately, eating junk to "be nice" isn't working for me anymore. I end up feeling sick, losing all my energy, and feeling resentful that I am put in a position to either not eat or eat junk. I need a game plan.

I have tried to eat my own food before going out, but it makes me seem like a B.Or I recommend a vegetarian restaurant (I'm veg), and everyone refuses.

Any suggestions for how to handle this? Maybe eat before going out and then just get a salad to "pretend"? Or start telling people about what I don't eat (this is a long list)?
Any ideas would be welcome! Thanks!

[angeleia]

I have the same question!! It always feels like family is attacking me for eating healthy. I think because they feel like somehow were are judging them and their diet. I just hate having the conversation with them when they try to justify their eating choices. I just wish when i ask them if they could keep their sweets and other unhealthy foods hidden, that they didn't let their insecurity get in the way. I'm not judging them, i just want to succeed. So I guess my question is how do I eat healthy and not make others feel bad without having to lie and say they are eating fine, im just weird, because i don't want to support unhealthy diets, and i don't want to be a rude know it all either. It just feels that way even if you say it nice.

[AddingPins]

I don't feel that anyone should have to justify their eating choices. Not you nor your family or friends. It helps when you realise that food is energy and not really good or bad so to speak. Some foods are more nutritionally dense and some are not. If you're not on a prep and down to ultra low calories there should be plenty of room in your diet for a dinner with friends that is outside of your usual food choices. I feel that a lot of the time the sickness that we feel after eating 'bad' food could be pretty much nothing else but self-imposed guilt.
If you are feeling attacked sometimes that can be because our enthusiasm for our new lifestyle has us pushing 110% to stay focused on our goals that to others it seems a little…I don't know…overdo? I remember that on my last family vacation (on prep) my brother lectured me on how much it pissed him off seeing me eat nothing but asparagus, oil and meat for dinner. In his eyes I was the unhealthy one because my diet was too extreme.
Everyone has their own preferences and reasons why they want to live and eat the way they do. I think there is something to be learned from both sides of the spectrum. Eat well, eat for your goals…but at the same time it's really ok to just eat the foods that you like whether or not they fall under the list of your typical 'bro foods'. Just my $0.02

[morgantracy]

I'm interested to see others people's answers to this question. I feel this way a lot when I go out. At home it isn't an issue at all, my husband doesn't question what I eat and doesn't get offended by what I eat. However, when going out to eat, it can be hard. What I find myself doing the most often is eating the food that is offered at a social gathering but ensuring that I stick to small portions. That way I don't feel bloated but also don't completely offend anyone. I'm not gonna lie, I like cake so at my last social gathering, I definitely ate the cake that was offered but I just didn't eat the whole thing.

[tvist]

This is why I love IIFYM. I started it because I have a great relationship with my family and family get togethers always involve food. I can't let my mom/grandma who slaved for hours to make delicious food. Remember, fitness should improve your life, not limit it. Find a way to fit it in, and eat it!

Of course if something makes you feel sick or fatigued, then don't eat it. It's not about fitting your diet, it's about feeling sick. The family/friends should understand.

[rockangel]

This^^

I have no issues going out to eat or going to social gatherings and eating.

1) not every food you eat needs to be "healthy", obviously if it makes you sick for medical reasons, then tell them that. "sorry Im allergic" "sorry it doesnt agree with my stomach" are polite yet firm reasons why you cant eat the food if its an issue. But recognize that your friends/family are trying to be nice and include you into the meal, even if they do not understand nutrition to the degree you do or need.
Also, there is nothing wrong with IHop or dennys both have reasonable foods as well ,fruits and veggies can be ordered. We do it all the time as my daughter is fond of their fruit bowl side.

2) Most restuarants now have a veggie dish and if not, you can always order them as a side a la carte.

3) if you know you are going out ahead of time, then work it in as a cheat/free meal. This is what i do with my family when we have a movie day or my hubby wants to go out. Then i can eat a free meal and still be on plan.

4) if the meal is potluck, then make a dish you know you can eat, if no one else eats it, take it home as left overs and you have good food for another few meals.

Really, i have never had an issue with people getting on to me for eating any special way because i work it out to where i meet my goals and stay on plan. I dont have to put people off. All of my long time friends know i eat a certain way and dont drink often, yet i still go to get togethers that have food and booze.

Most of the time they introduce me to new people like this
"This is angel, she is really into fitness and doesnt drink much, but she hangs out with us, is the DD for the group and remembers all our drunken escapades from the night before, oh and she is the slap-bet keeper" (this is exactly what happened last weekend, lol)

[rdferguson]

Depends on how often you eat out. I eat out a lot and bite the bullet. Ironically, despite the unhealthy meals I eat at least once a week, I'm in the best health I've been in for a long time.

Here are some options for you:

1) Take initiative and invite people out. Now you get to pick where you'll be eating, so you get to set the standard on how healthy the place is.
2) Invite people over. You can serve whatever you so desire, or you can reduce the effort and enjoy the fun of the unknown by having a potluck dinner (and then when 3 people all bring the same thing, you laugh at yourselves).
3) Similar to 2, organise events where people bring their own food, eg picnics.

[chicky74]

This^^

I have no issues going out to eat or going to social gatherings and eating.

1) not every food you eat needs to be "healthy", obviously if it makes you sick for medical reasons, then tell them that. "sorry Im allergic" "sorry it doesnt agree with my stomach" are polite yet firm reasons why you cant eat the food if its an issue. But recognize that your friends/family are trying to be nice and include you into the meal, even if they do not understand nutrition to the degree you do or need.
Also, there is nothing wrong with IHop or dennys both have reasonable foods as well ,fruits and veggies can be ordered. We do it all the time as my daughter is fond of their fruit bowl side.

2) Most restuarants now have a veggie dish and if not, you can always order them as a side a la carte.

3) if you know you are going out ahead of time, then work it in as a cheat/free meal. This is what i do with my family when we have a movie day or my hubby wants to go out. Then i can eat a free meal and still be on plan.

4) if the meal is potluck, then make a dish you know you can eat, if no one else eats it, take it home as left overs and you have good food for another few meals.

Really, i have never had an issue with people getting on to me for eating any special way because i work it out to where i meet my goals and stay on plan. I dont have to put people off. All of my long time friends know i eat a certain way and dont drink often, yet i still go to get togethers that have food and booze.

Most of the time they introduce me to new people like this
"This is angel, she is really into fitness and doesnt drink much, but she hangs out with us, is the DD for the group and remembers all our drunken escapades from the night before, oh and she is the slap-bet keeper" (this is exactly what happened last weekend, lol)

Everyone, These are all super helpful answers! Rock angel, these are especially helpful!

I really do get sick easily and have a couple of food allergies (my annoying genetics) but I don't bother worrying about calories or feeling guilty in these situations. I usually order veggies (one time there was literally no vegetarian options and I did order off the menu). In my home town, this isn't an issue for me at all. The problem over the holidays out of town was that when I did this every meal, I couldn't have been eating more than 20g of protein per day... Food is indeed energy, and I felt like S***.

I just need to suck it up and be firm. I will use "sorry it doesn't agree with my stomach", which is TRUE, and bring protein bars to supplement, and make sure I look up the menus ahead of time. It's totally on me. I'm just a wus.

Thanks for the advice all!

[ProYeo]

My family and friends have gotten used to my eating habits over time. I literally travel everywhere with my own food.
Last year was the worst because I was in contest prep April - November.
I enjoy eating at restaurants a lot, but even then I bring my own food now. I was worried they wouldn't be cool with that but I haven't had anyone complain yet. I'm always there with people who are ordering, so they are getting their money.
I will often sub out something I brought to a restaurant and order some veggies or something so I can have fresh and warm.
It has gotten harder and harder to get decent food at a restaurant since everything is premade. The veggies already have butter in them, etc. Higher end restaurants will always make up anything you want however you want, but the standard family style restaurant has a hard time with it.
But essentially, for anyone not familiar with my eating habits, I just explain to them that I have specific goals I am working towards and to meet them I plan my food out very specifically. They deal with it, or they don't, but either way - I meet my goals!

[BubsNBean]

But essentially, for anyone not familiar with my eating habits, I just explain to them that I have specific goals I am working towards and to meet them I plan my food out very specifically. They deal with it, or they don't, but either way - I meet my goals!

I think this is essentially the mind set you're going to have to have, OP. You can give zero fuks about what people think and still be polite about it. After time and consistency it will just become "normal" to those around you, and new people will just need that polite phrase about specific goals and planning. Then it's up to them do process it however they want.

[chicky74]

After time and consistency it will just become "normal" to those around you,

^^This seems to be key! I currently appear inconsistent. But I think you are right that I should just plan ahead and people will get used to me bringing additional food or whatever. thx!

[IzTriv]

After time and consistency it will just become "normal" to those around you,

So true! Consistency is so important.

I'm only just getting into the whole calorie-watching, healthy-eating, goal-focused frame of mind/way of eating and it's been a shock to my friends. I'm confident that with time and dedication on my part, they will begin to see it as normal.

[BubsNBean]

^^This seems to be key! I currently appear inconsistent. But I think you are right that I should just plan ahead and people will get used to me bringing additional food or whatever. thx!

So true! Consistency is so important.

Nobody will bat an eye. Just give it time.

[EPolis13]

Iifym.

[SkinCoffin]

What I find myself doing the most often is eating the food that is offered at a social gathering but ensuring that I stick to small portions. That way I don't feel bloated but also don't completely offend anyone. I'm not gonna lie, I like cake so at my last social gathering, I definitely ate the cake that was offered but I just didn't eat the whole thing.

This is the way to go. Like, at work I'm always offered cake/chocolate etc. If I'm seen eating "junk" food people generally say "oh you're bulking?!" or if I am eating tuna or refuse offerings of snack foods it's "oh you're on a diet" haha.

I retorted yesterday to the diet comment by grabbing three tim tams I was offered instead of just one and shoving them all in my mouth at once because it fit my macros that day.
In hindsight, I could have proved my point with just one, cause three made me feel a bit sick since I cant remember the last time I ate a tim tam, but what I mean to say is every now and then it is ok to say "yes" when offered food that isn't part of your daily clean diet as long as you don't make it a habit and it still doesn't put you over your calorie limit. IIFYM means you can still enjoy things if you're smart about it and don't overdo it

[Amanda76]

What (non-fast food) restaurant doesn't have a meal option with grilled meat, dry sweet or white potato (add tabasco) and salad (olive oil and vinegar are easiest to control as dressings if you need to add some fat)? A glass of wine also has it's benefits.

[Amanda76]

Depends on how often you eat out. I eat out a lot and bite the bullet. Ironically, despite the unhealthy meals I eat at least once a week, I'm in the best health I've been in for a long time.

Here are some options for you:

1) Take initiative and invite people out. Now you get to pick where you'll be eating, so you get to set the standard on how healthy the place is.
2) Invite people over. You can serve whatever you so desire, or you can reduce the effort and enjoy the fun of the unknown by having a potluck dinner (and then when 3 people all bring the same thing, you laugh at yourselves).
3) Similar to 2, organise events where people bring their own food, eg picnics.

Best suggestions in this thread. In these ways, people can also get an idea of what you consider to be healthy when they're trying to include you in their events.

[chicky74]

What (non-fast food) restaurant doesn't have a meal option with grilled meat, dry sweet or white potato (add tabasco) and salad (olive oil and vinegar are easiest to control as dressings if you need to add some fat)? A glass of wine also has it's benefits.

I'm vegetarian, so it's a bit tricky...

[illiniStrive]

I'm vegetarian, so it's a bit tricky...

Well minus the chicken, then...? Or go with a vegetarian meal on the menu.

I can imagine it might get trickier at an office event or something, but for events in my department at least, we always are sure to include at least one hearty vegan option (besides salad; I'm not vegan but I always think it's kind of a cop out for everyone else to have all this food and then just point to some basic salad and be like, "there you go vegans!").

[chicky74]

I'm not vegan but I always think it's kind of a cop out for everyone else to have all this food and then just point to some basic salad and be like, "there you go vegans!").

^^This exactly. I am very very used to eating a salad and sometimes pasta when I go out. But I don't want to do that anymore. I want to eat REAL food with more than 5g of protein so that I can function. I don't think that I'm being unreasonable. I really appreciate hearing that others bring food with them. New game plan is to pack a vegetarian protein to add to my meals out. Thanks!

[BubsNBean]

^^This exactly. I am very very used to eating a salad and sometimes pasta when I go out. But I don't want to do that anymore. I want to eat REAL food with more than 5g of protein so that I can function. I don't think that I'm being unreasonable. I really appreciate hearing that others bring food with them. New game plan is to pack a vegetarian protein to add to my meals out. Thanks!

I'm a carnivore and keep my protein super high for my body weight, and I find myself doing this too. I bring protein things to add to salads, soup, whatever so that I can get it all in. I prefer eating whole food as opposed to protein supplements when I can.

[illiniStrive]

^^This exactly. I am very very used to eating a salad and sometimes pasta when I go out. But I don't want to do that anymore. I want to eat REAL food with more than 5g of protein so that I can function. I don't think that I'm being unreasonable. I really appreciate hearing that others bring food with them. New game plan is to pack a vegetarian protein to add to my meals out. Thanks!

do you have any good mediterranean places around you? that tends to be the go to for catering/eating out when I'm with vegan folks. Mainly because a lot of what's on the menu is either vegan or can easily be made vegan by substituting chicken for tofu, etc. and i'm not a big fan of lamb so half the time i end up snagging some of the vegan options instead.

[Amanda76]

I'm vegetarian, so it's a bit tricky...

Ah...was not aware of this. I would either bump up my protein at other meals (if the night out is planned) or as you now plan to do, bring protein sources with me if the meal is more of a surprise.

Can you do eggs or dairy? That opens up some options at a few restaurants, too.

[chicky74]

do you have any good mediterranean places around you? that tends to be the go to for catering/eating out when I'm with vegan folks. Mainly because a lot of what's on the menu is either vegan or can easily be made vegan by substituting chicken for tofu, etc. and i'm not a big fan of lamb so half the time i end up snagging some of the vegan options instead.

Haha. you are totally right. Actually, what prompted this post was being invited out to a "Mediterranean" place (which I assumed would be fine) and they had no falafel or hummus! Only salad. sigh. I should have done what Amanda76 recommends and just gotten eggs (which they oddly did have).kinda funny actually

[illiniStrive]

Haha. you are totally right. Actually, what prompted this post was being invited out to a "Mediterranean" place (which I assumed would be fine) and they had no falafel or hummus! Only salad. sigh. I should have done what Amanda76 recommends and just gotten eggs (which they oddly did have).kinda funny actually

not a very good mediterranean place then! no falafel... wut

[sandyr9]

Ah...was not aware of this. I would either bump up my protein at other meals (if the night out is planned) or as you now plan to do, bring protein sources with me if the meal is more of a surprise.

Can you do eggs or dairy? That opens up some options at a few restaurants, too.

I am similarly vegetarian and eggs are the best way to get away from having to just eat salads and pasta all the time. Most of the times we know the place we are eating ahead of time and I know whether to have a bit of a meal before we go. With my friends and family it is a compromise, so they will try places that cater to my food as well. If you find yourself eating unhealthy just really limit the portions.