Receiving Backlash For Living Healthier

[SoSimplySam]

Did anyone else experience this? When I started my journey a little over a year ago, I was incredibly unhappy. I've battled PTSD and BDD for 6 years and I was ultimately just a negative person. During that time, I started college (this was about 2.5 years ago) and ended up with 150 pounds on my 5'1 frame. Yikes! I came to a point where I knew I ultimately needed to help myself, I couldn't rely on others to make me happy. I'm now down to 114.6 pounds and have found such a passion on health and fitness. I've had family members tell me they can tell how much happier I am over all and that it's been inspiring, that they've started to work on living healthier because of it. I've also found such an immense amount of support from the health and fitness community. On the other hand, I have also been receiving a fair amount of backlash for it. Saying I'm "so full of myself now" and have become a "monster". Some of this is even coming from my roommate which makes it hard to want to be home. It hurts because I do my best not to preach. I share my progress and help those who come to me for advice and support. Is this something people go through when they make a positive change in their lives?

[AddingPins]

I had similar experiences with people being negative towards me when I was doing well with my progress on show preps and such. Sometimes that is because they aren't feeling so great about their current situation in life whether that is physical or emotional...and sometimes it was because I was so enthusiastic about my prep that it rubbed some people the wrong way. I didn't mean it of course but it's easy for me to get wrapped up in the process and sometimes lose sight of the fact that not everyone is as enthusiastic about fitness and nutrition as I am. I find that it helps to come right out and ask the person, your roommate for example, what it is that is making you come across as a 'monster' to him/her. It could be the simplest thing that is creating friction and it can't hurt to know.
At the end of the day if you are happy living your life this way then that's what matters imo. However if you care about the opinion of said roommate then take his/her perspective into consideration as well. It may help you avoid further discomfort. The fact that you don't even want to come home sometimes means something needs to be done...if it is in fact a case where your roommate is being a bit jealous then at least you can guard yourself with that knowledge. Can't win them all.

[Richy P]

I actually said 'Holly S h i t' out loud when I read the weight loss numbers.

1) Jealousy - people will wish they had the same will power / determination to do what you do. leads to point 2
2) Negative comments - there way of making themselves feel better about their own body / weight / will. They need justification.

[sonti]

Well, maybe she is right. If you have a history of moods and disorders, it seems the most likely explanation is that you are being extreme about "being healthy" too - is talking, preaching, etc. Why not ask for concrete examples of bothersome comments and try to see if some more moderation can be used.

[vhenley164]

1) Jealousy - people will wish they had the same will power / determination to do what you do. leads to point 2
2) Negative comments - there way of making themselves feel better about their own body / weight / will. They need justification.

This ^^

Any kind of 'alternative' lifestyle gets comments, good and bad. Unfortunatly some people do consider this lifestyle alternative - counting macros, bulking, cutting, etc, especially as a woman being interested in weight training. I have learnt to keep it myself a bit but do get comments when weighing my food. You kind of have to learn to ignore it and know your goals

[kimm4]

I can honestly say that everyone I surround myself with has always been very supportive with my lifestyle. With that being said, I've always been very private when it comes to my training/competing/dieting, etc...

It's not something I ever care to talk about in the real world.

[SoSimplySam]

Thank you, everyone for the feedback! I've been talking to people in my life, 99% of them told me that they don't feel as though I've been preachy or condescending in any way. That was something I feared, because I know people can be that way unintentionally. My roommate said she mainly does not like me posting progress pictures because "it's nasty". That was the only thing she told me though.

[SoSimplySam]

We've also agreed to disagree. About 95% of the backlash I was getting was from her so hopefully it won't be as prevalent. I will only live with her for about another month or 2 (depending on when my new apartment is ready) but I'd rather us not hate eachother. I don't think she's a bad person or anything, we just don't agree with each other's lifestyles and that's ok.

[dsm246]

I think when we discover a new passion or interest it is natural to want to talk about it. It can be easy, in the beginning, to maybe over do that a bit and turn some friends off. If you don't lift, a new DL PR just isn't all that interesting a topic of conversation. I'm, therefore, pretty careful about how much information I share about this aspect of my life and with whom I share it. For example, I don't post progress photos or lifting videos on my ********. I share those types of things here (where folks share my passion) and also via an instagram account that I've created just for that purpose and only includes my lifting and foodie buddies. So I kind of try to keep this aspect of my life a bit separate and gear my conversation to my audience.

[SoSimplySam]

I think when we discover a new passion or interest it is natural to want to talk about it. It can be easy, in the beginning, to maybe over do that a bit and turn some friends off. If you don't lift, a new DL PR just isn't all that interesting a topic of conversation. I'm, therefore, pretty careful about how much information I share about this aspect of my life and with whom I share it. For example, I don't post progress photos or lifting videos on my ********. I share those types of things here (where folks share my passion) and also via an instagram account that I've created just for that purpose and only includes my lifting and foodie buddies. So I kind of try to keep this aspect of my life a bit separate and gear my conversation to my audience.

That is a great point. My ********/ instagram audiences are very mixed. On both I have a good amount of people asking me to keep posting updates and others who don't necessarily like it. I just recently opened a BodySpace account which is where most of my progress pictures go as well as instagram. It makes it tough because my accounst aren't perfectly segregated :/.

[SoSimplySam]

A couple weeks ago, I started a blog, that way I could post a link on ******** for my friends/family who love seeing this part of my life to click on a read/see more and those who don't care don't necessarily have to see it.

[JennyBond]

My mother (she lives with me) tends to do these very subtle sabotage sort of things when I am seeing a lot of progress. Sometimes it's the diet and others it's the workouts.

For example, I have been doing fairly well recently but now that xmas is over I said I was going to get back on track and crank down like I had been earlier (I usually sort of slack off starting around Turkey day). Wouldn't you know it? In addition to THREE boxes of chocolates artfully "scattered" across the kitchen bar area this afternoon, there is a TUB of home made chocolate chip cookies, ANOTHER tub of chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and !@#$&%^ (pardon my French) CUPCAKES?

Seriously. I'd get mad if it wasn't so laughable at this point. I can almost set my watch by it.

Last night, I pulled my scale out to weigh out my protein for dinner. I don't see how this is an issue as I simply took what was on my plate and weighed it so I could count the calories etc accurately and she gives me this look like I slapped her. She keeps trying to heap extra food on my plate because there is only a little left and we don't want it to go to waste and I dump it on HER plate and say, "Then YOU eat it." I say it nicely but she pushes food like a street crack dealer. I often have to take my plate and put food BACK before I eat. I keep pointing out how ridiculous her serving sizes are and when I take a reasonable serving she gets this panicked look and says, "But that's not enough food..." I am gentle with her about it, not mean. But my goodness it can get SOOOOO old some days.

Most of my friends are super supportive (my daughter even took my progress pictures for me) but with one or two people it's almost like this challenge to them to get you to "break" or stop or give up so they can then give you a hard time about it. They either give you a hard time if you are doing it right OR they delight in pointing out how they never thought you could do it anyway.

So, yes. I have noticed it often over the years (she has been doing this for a while) and I have heard MANY other people comment they have had it happen to them as well.

You are doing amazing so hang in there and the others nailed it on the head with the jealousy and discomfort thing. And sorry about my own rant. I have no one to dump this on and it suddenly just boiled up with the whole chocolates incident (about fifteen minutes ago) plus reading your post.

[chicky74]

Thank you for sharing. It's nice to know that many people experience this.

I think many people honestly don't understand.

[Sebstan01]

Late reply, but I just joined and I can relate to this thread.

First off, congrats on your transformation OP. Just the fact that you decided to take action and work through any obstacles in your life is fantastic!

Secondly, yeah, I've definitely dealt with certain types of negativity. The worst of it is that, its usually those people you'd never expect it from (i.e. close friends, family members). With me, it happened when I made the decision last year to live a more healthy lifestyle (which also meant less partying/going out every Saturday night). Got more healthy, got more disciplined (which transferred into other areas of my life), saved money that I'd otherwise spend on too many drinks. Best decision of my life...at least for me.

Some of my friends didn't think so. Like you, they had the opinion that I was "up there" and too good for them (untrue). We went out less, hung out less...what can I say. Good riddance? Perhaps. The way I see it, if someone is consciously trying to put you down or prevent you from being your best, maybe that someone isn't cut out to be in your life anymore. Sometimes its jealousy, sometimes its them feeling like they'll lose the "old you", sometimes its the fact that they've be unable to achieve the thing that you're currently kicking ass at. Whatever it is, its negative and unhelpful.

OP--keep doing what you're doing. From your post, you don't strike me as having offended your roommate. Perhaps ask them if they'd like to join you for a running/training session. Maybe they'd like it.

All the best.

[Equistr]

I had the same sort of response, so I created a separate Instagram for those who wanted to follow my fitness journey and then my main for my other interests. Women always compare themselves to others, it's just a thing that they do, so when you post pictures of your progress or talk about your journey or weight loss, if they are not 100% on board, usually they will feel as though you are judging them. It's unfortunate that our culture is like that, but it seems that your roommate just has issues with the lifestyle because it's not one that she wants to partake in but she sees the merits of it, so she needs to put you down over it. My mom is the same way a lot of times when I talk about my weight loss or my plan, but she is supportive in other fields. Find out what her triggers are and avoid them in order to keep the peace. That's the easiest way to go about things when you have to live with someone imo.

[sy2502]

Did anyone else experience this? When I started my journey a little over a year ago, I was incredibly unhappy. I've battled PTSD and BDD for 6 years and I was ultimately just a negative person. During that time, I started college (this was about 2.5 years ago) and ended up with 150 pounds on my 5'1 frame. Yikes! I came to a point where I knew I ultimately needed to help myself, I couldn't rely on others to make me happy. I'm now down to 114.6 pounds and have found such a passion on health and fitness. I've had family members tell me they can tell how much happier I am over all and that it's been inspiring, that they've started to work on living healthier because of it. I've also found such an immense amount of support from the health and fitness community. On the other hand, I have also been receiving a fair amount of backlash for it. Saying I'm "so full of myself now" and have become a "monster". Some of this is even coming from my roommate which makes it hard to want to be home. It hurts because I do my best not to preach. I share my progress and help those who come to me for advice and support. Is this something people go through when they make a positive change in their lives?

First of all congratulations on your great results!

As for your question, there may be many explanations, and not knowing either you or the negative people, one can only guess. For example, if these people have themselves tried to lose weight unsuccessfully, your success only underlines their failure, which may make them bitter. Also people tend to stick with people like them, so drinkers want to be around other drinkers, junk food eaters want to be around other junk food eaters, etc. So now they may not see you as "one of them" any more and maybe even resent you for not being "as fun" any more. I have seen this happen to an alcoholic relative who quit drinking, and his friends rather than been happy for him, resented him because he wasn't as much fun any more. Some people are too selfish to be happy for others, seriously.
On the other hand, when you have had a big success it's easy to be proud of it and maybe go a little bit over the top in sticking it in other people's faces, preaching, being pushy, etc. So a little soul searching on your part is always something to consider, and if you need to tone it down for the sake of peaceful living, maybe that's what you need to do.