Grandmother's dying, I might be the only one who can save her

[lilbdabasedgod]

I really didn't know what to title this thread. I'm not looking for a yes or no answer or anything, I just wanted people to talk to about this and advice.

So years ago my grandmother had cancer in one of her kidneys, but thankfully they caught it early enough to cut it out. Living all this time with one kidney she was fine but earlier this year they told her the other kidney wasn't doing too good. Then this past week she went to the doctor for back pain and it's looking like she may have cancer in the only kidney she has left. My mom, aunt, and uncle are all going to get tested tomorrow to see if they qualify to give her a kidney but apparently you have to be healthy [my mom and uncle have diabetes(friedfoodsofpeace)] and you can't have, or ever had an STD(most adults have had an STD at one time or another). Well, being the FA that I am, and healthy/fit I seem to be the only one who will have a chance to save her. So I'm going tomorrow too, to see if I qualify.

But I'm scared. That's understandable, right? I'm 19 with my whole life ahead of me. But that's me being selfish, too. I feel like most people would give up a kidney to save a family member without a second guess. Does that make me a bad person?

I lost my granddad back in May, and I'd hate to lose my grandmother but I'm at odds.

Any advice or words of wisdom welcome misc

[HipHopLyrics]

I know what I'd do, my Grandma is a second mother to me, wouldn't need to think twice. But I understand you being scared, that's natural. Talk to your family, explain your feelings and hear them out too.

Wish you and your Grandma the best.

[Mr Beer]

I wouldn't be keen TBH and I understand why you are not. Would be different if it was my parents but I think grams is on her own on this one.

EDIT

Put this in perspective, I'd happily give a year's wages but your organs are in a different league. Plus I need both my kidneys, I work them hard.

[NameUnavailable]

But I'm scared. That's understandable, right? I'm 19 with my whole life ahead of me. But that's me being selfish, too. I feel like most people would give up a kidney to save a family member without a second guess. Does that make me a bad person?

I have no advice for you, but instead of thinking it is selfish of you, don't you think it is slightly selfish of the person who needs the donation to ask/expect such things like this?

Though I have been told numerous times that kidney donations are relative safe for both the giver and receiver's health.

[T_O_N_Y]

Don't do it, your grandmother shouldn't expect you to give up a kidney for her, she is old and lived her life you have a long life to live.

[gjames017]

how old is she?

[x-trainer ben]

First see if you are compatible and then bump this

[lilbdabasedgod]

I know what I'd do, my Grandma is a second mother to me

My grandma is like a 2nd mother to me too. i feel like chit

I wouldn't be keen TBH and I understand why you are not. Would be different if it was my parents but I think grams is on her own on this one.

EDIT

Put this in perspective, I'd happily give a year's wages but your organs are in a different league. Plus I need both my kidneys, I work them hard.

Yeah, I'm just thinking about my future and what complications this could cause. I don't want to have to have my kids give me their organ, but then again maybe losing a kidney isn't that big of a deal.

[aoide12]

Don't forget that kidney's aren't just a spare organ to give away. In a healthy person losing one kidney isn't a problem but your situation could change tomorrow. Don't feel there are only emotional reasons behind this decision, there are genuine logical reasons to want to hang onto both your kidneys. Also looking at the future there might be other people who need it, what happens if you have a kid who turns out to need a kidney? All things to consider.

As harsh as it sounds I don't think I'd be willing to give up a kidney for a grandmother. For a sibling or child definitely but no to someone who has lived much of their life, especially when I have all of mine for something bad to happen and leave me with no kidneys.


edit (Also as a medical biologist): if she has got cancer which has spread from one kidney to the other her health isn't looking good, whether you give her a kidney or not.

[Khangura175]

I would ask ur grandmother what she thinks about what ur prepared to do..

Living at a young age without 1 kidney isnt a huge deal but it will def take its toll on u in ur later years.

Regardless, good luck.

[Loastres]

lol, theres a difference between being realistic and being a good / bad person,

no matter how much you love your grand parents, giving an organ to a 70+ year old as a 20 year old is stupid as ****.
Dont let emotions get in the way and look at the grand picture, you need to survive this world for another 60 years while a grandparent (with cancer) will be around for a max of 5years maybe ?
and for gods sake dont do it with the sole purpose to soothe your concience, be a man and do the right thing.

[lilbdabasedgod]

how old is she?

like early 70s.

Don't do it, your grandmother shouldn't expect you to give up a kidney for her, she is old and lived her life you have a long life to live.

I feel like this is selfish, but it's true

First see if you are compatible and then bump this

will do

[JO74]

My sociopathic opinion; I wouldnt. Why give her one of you good kidneys when she is obviously more apt to get cancer. your young shes old. it may be a waste of a kidney.


Then again how could you say no?

[Hesher]

If she passes away later, can you get the kidney back? Srs.

If so, then do it. If not, then it's a tough call.

[lilbdabasedgod]

Then again how could you say no?

srsly. brb in the doctors office with all the family
brb get results back
brb only one that qualifies
brb "so are you gonna do it?"
brb "nah bro im sweet"

If she passes away later, can you get the kidney back? Srs.

If so, then do it. If not, then it's a tough call.

hmm I don't, I'll ask tomorrow

[OaklandCali]

Fuk a prostitute, acquire std, bye granny!

[Armando777]

Tough decision. I'd talk to drs and family and see what to do.
I hate cancer. My relative was strong and fit for her age. She kept coughing and had scratched her clavicle area for a while. She went to dr...surprise it's cancer. She was so strong and healthy then cancer took her away.

[lilbdabasedgod]

Fuk a prostitute, acquire std, bye granny!

I'd rather lose a kidney than have warts or something

[DarthScorpio11]

I don't mean to sound like a douche , but your grandmother (I'm assuming) is old and has lived her life. I personally wouldn't do it. I dunno. I love my grandmother, but yeah...

[stevesteve12]

kidney transplant over 70 years old?


roll bread

[lilbdabasedgod]

Tough decision. I'd talk to drs and family and see what to do.
I hate cancer. My relative was strong and fit for her age. She kept coughing and had scratched her clavicle area for a while. She went to dr...surprise it's cancer. She was so strong and healthy then cancer took her away.

Sorry for your loss man. Cancer is such chit disease man.

[Neur0tic]

Brah. This may sound harsh but... she's lived a long life. Is it really that necessary?

[lilbdabasedgod]

kidney transplant over 70 years old?


roll bread

Not a roll break. Mom was originally supposed to do it, but she can't, so she asked me. I told her I had to think about it.

[T_O_N_Y]

Seriously OP she is in her 70's you are not thinking clearly, she will probably pass within the next 5-10 years, you potentially have 50+ years of life left, it's not selfish. I would be willing to be she wouldn't even let you do it.

[Leetdragoon]

op don't be ****ing stupid you're young you need your organs, shes going to die soon think of this logically and sotp being so emotional, don't let your family guilt you into it, they can donate a kidney too if they want. Your grand parents will die, your parents will die, you will die we all ****ing die, don';t make your life harder than it already is.

[lilbdabasedgod]

Seriously OP she is in her 70's you are not thinking clearly, she will probably pass within the next 5-10 years, you potentially have 50+ years of life left, it's not selfish. I would be willing to bet she wouldn't even let you do it.

Maybe I should call her and see how she feels about it. It would just be so hard telling her no. Like ****, man. This sucks.

op don't be ****ing stupid you're young you need your organs, shes going to die soon think of this logically and sotp being so emotional, don't let your family guilt you into it, they can donate a kidney too if they want. Your grand parents will die, your parents will die, you will die we all ****ing die, don';t make your life harder than it already is.

unfortunately, you're right

[Slow_Ninja]

Pull a Charlton Heston then ride off into the sunset

[Endgame]

I really didn't know what to title this thread. I'm not looking for a yes or no answer or anything, I just wanted people to talk to about this and advice.

So years ago my grandmother had cancer in one of her kidneys, but thankfully they caught it early enough to cut it out. Living all this time with one kidney she was fine but earlier this year they told her the other kidney wasn't doing too good. Then this past week she went to the doctor for back pain and it's looking like she may have cancer in the only kidney she has left. My mom, aunt, and uncle are all going to get tested tomorrow to see if they qualify to give her a kidney but apparently you have to be healthy [my mom and uncle have diabetes(friedfoodsofpeace)] and you can't have, or ever had an STD(most adults have had an STD at one time or another). Well, being the FA that I am, and healthy/fit I seem to be the only one who will have a chance to save her. So I'm going tomorrow too, to see if I qualify.

But I'm scared. That's understandable, right? I'm 19 with my whole life ahead of me. But that's me being selfish, too. I feel like most people would give up a kidney to save a family member without a second guess. Does that make me a bad person?

I lost my granddad back in May, and I'd hate to lose my grandmother but I'm at odds.

Any advice or words of wisdom welcome misc

Words of wisdom, think rationally about this. That is the only way you will make it out. It may be reasonable to have your parent give a kidney to your grandparent, but not a grandson to his grandparent.

Further, if you consider a transplant committee, where would your grandmother be on the list? Your grandmother has largely lived a long and full life and to have you compromise the rest of your life for her is asking too much. Personally, if I were in the grandmother's situation, I would accept death, look it straight in the eye, and say, "Come at me bro." I would not harm other family members or ask for harm or suffering to come to them just so I could live out another crappy 4.5 years. The guilt would hurt too much. That is the nature of family, altruism, it works both ways.

Beyond that, there may be another reason you have two kidneys. What if it came to a point where you had a son or daughter who needed a kidney, or if your spouse needed one from you? Giving them your only remaining kidney at that point would mean that you would be dead and you could not protect and provide for them because of a stupid mistake you made when you were 19 years of age.

Don't feel pressured by your other family members either. Your health will be compromised out the gate as soon as you give up a kidney and your health will decline much more rapidly. Goodluck on your decision. I hope that you make the best one for you.

[NotANun21]

Your grandma has lived her life

To give your Kidney would be trying to delay the inevitable and your quality of life will be reduced as a result

I wouldn't do it. Possessions, wealth and in this case organs go down the family chain - not up it

If your family are pressuring you just tell the doctor during the examination that you want him to fail you on the medical. Everything is confidential so nobody has to know.

[LtGoose]

You're emotional op, of course who wouldn't, but take a breath bro, think about what you would say if some other miscr made this thread. What wood you say?

I feel for you and your family but this isn't a time to be a hero m8, use the rest of your life to live for her. You're gonna make it