BF thinks it's fine to go to titty bar

[Kiedis24]

Ok, so I need some male's perspectives on this. Tonight my bf and I were casually talking and he said he's not going to the pub with his mate next week because he doesn't wanna drink.
The pub in question is one that has topless waitresses.
I'm not comfortable with my partner staring at naked breasts that aren't mine in the flesh.
He doesn't see a problem with it but said he still wouldn't have told me it was a topless one (thing is we can speak openly about that because it's the same pub he went to multiple times while we were broken up, so we both know about that.)

I said it seems disrespectful to our relationship, as I know full well that the sole purpose of a naked woman in front of you is to turn you on etc and he said it's "just a bit of eye candy". So I asked, what if it was me with my tits out for all these guys to see? Wouldn't that make you uncomfortable? But it's "just a bit of eye candy" Apparently it's not the same thing.

What do you guys and girls think?
Am I weird to not want my boyfriend to be around another naked woman?

[GERMANSAUSAGE]

Sometimes it helps having an image of a naked hbb from reality when boning the same old hole

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

It wouldn't worry me, but then I like going to see strippers so it would be hypocritical to say he can't. Why are you so worried about it? Do you think he might cheat on you, or just that other women might have nicer bewbs? Because there'll always be someone sexier/thinner/younger/whatever.

[janky]

It's absolutely NOT the same thing, in any way. Sorry.

Every guy has seen tits before. It's not a huge deal. Going to a bar where the waitresses are topless doesn't mean anything -- in fact, it's more PG than actually watching porn, IMO. Besides, its not like he's going to be playing with them or sucking on them.

If your bf just goes, has a couple drinks, and no fuks are given, then what is the problem?
Why are you so upset about him being in a place where there are bare tits?

Now, if you go get a job as a topless waitress, you're saying that you're ok with showing your tits to men for money/attention. I don't know what kind of ground rules you and your bf have set for the relationship, but most guys wouldn't be ok with their girl getting naked for money.

Your bf going out with friends, to a place where he will see bare tits, is not the same as you getting naked for money. Think about it.

[zobara]

I love your relationship with your BF, it will never get old....

Instead of asking how it sounds to show your tits to others, ask him if it is fine if you go to a male striptease bar... with full monty...

Unless he is a stud himself, no male wants to be side of penis comparison...

And no...you are not weird, my wife would have cut my balls off if i asked to go to a titty bar...

Dont give chit about the insecurity responses that you would get here...

[Kiedis24]

It wouldn't worry me, but then I like going to see strippers so it would be hypocritical to say he can't. Why are you so worried about it? Do you think he might cheat on you, or just that other women might have nicer bewbs? Because there'll always be someone sexier/thinner/younger/whatever.

Yeah at one point he said the times he's been there that they've mostly been ugly chicks and only one of the times there was a "half decent" looking one and I said why are you telling me that, all that's saying is that I should be ok with it since the girls aren't hotter than me or something. Which isn't the angle I see it from entirely, sure that plays a part that I don't like that my partner is going to be feasting his eyes upon another naked woman in the flesh, but mainly it just seems like a chip away at our relationship being special or something. It's like, for me to be ok with him going, I feel like I can't respect him as much or something, and that if I let go of holding him higher as above that kind of stuff, then I'd be ok with him going. Do you know what I mean?

[Nedo]

You can look at the menu, but as long as he doesn't order from it, its okay . You should see what he jerks off too. Stop being insecure.

[FU3L]

Not really a big deal, although females always like to make it so. He's seen tits before, just because they aren't yours doesn't mean he's going to instantly turn into a gawking, horny mess and try to bang every waitress there. Like Janky said, it's nothing he hasn't already seen.

Putting yourself in the same situation is not the same in any way at all, not sure why you made that comparison?

[Kiedis24]

It's absolutely NOT the same thing, in any way. Sorry.

Every guy has seen tits before. It's not a huge deal. Going to a bar where the waitresses are topless doesn't mean anything -- in fact, it's more PG than actually watching porn, IMO. Besides, its not like he's going to be playing with them or sucking on them.

If your bf just goes, has a couple drinks, and no fuks are given, then what is the problem?
Why are you so upset about him being in a place where there are bare tits?

Now, if you go get a job as a topless waitress, you're saying that you're ok with showing your tits to men for money/attention. I don't know what kind of ground rules you and your bf have set for the relationship, but most guys wouldn't be ok with their girl getting naked for money.

Your bf going out with friends, to a place where he will see bare tits, is not the same as you getting naked for money. Think about it.

Ok I should make this VERY clear : that was purely *hypothetical* retort to him, to show him that the men there wouldn't really be thinking of me as "just a bit of eye candy" *IF* it was his own girlfriend in place of the topless waitress, as his opinion quickly changed. I in no way have ground rules like that haha, just a hypothetical to make him think of it from a different perspective.

And as for it not being the same as me hypothetically getting naked for money, how isn't that, when....he would be giving his money to see another woman naked??

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

I'm sure in a clumsy way he was trying to reassure you that you have nothing to worry about because the women there don't compare to you in terms of attractiveness.

I'm probably not the best person to answer because I was brought up around naturism and don't give a damn if people are walking around naked, so yeah. I wasn't trying to imply you were insecure, hope it didn't come across like that. But I doubt he's inspired by lust for these women.

If it upsets you then he should respect your feelings. Would he take you to that pub with him?

[Boffothe]

Not sure the best way to put this, but I've never really gonna to a titty bar to be "turned on". It's more of a feeling of "oh, titties, phucking sweet" and then high fiving your buddies and getting drunk.

I don't think you're wrong, it's just how you feel and different women have different feelings on strip clubs. Every girl I've ever dated has seen them as no big deal though, personally.

[janky]

And no...you are not weird, my wife would have cut my balls off if i asked to go to a titty bar...

WOW.



Clear who wears the pants in that relationship.

If you actually MARRIED someone who controls you that strongly, I would argue that you're not suited to give any relationship advice.

Yeah at one point he said the times he's been there that they've mostly been ugly chicks and only one of the times there was a "half decent" looking one and I said why are you telling me that, all that's saying is that I should be ok with it since the girls aren't hotter than me or something. Which isn't the angle I see it from entirely, sure that plays a part that I don't like that my partner is going to be feasting his eyes upon another naked woman in the flesh, but mainly it just seems like a chip away at our relationship being special or something. It's like, for me to be ok with him going, I feel like I can't respect him as much or something, and that if I let go of holding him higher as above that kind of stuff, then I'd be ok with him going. Do you know what I mean?

Look... what's your issue? Why are you so insecure about the relationship?
I feel like you're saying that any time he even makes eye contact with a girl it bothers you. That's really troubling...

You do realize that men are visual right?
Just like women are emotional and will always enjoy anything that triggers an emotional response... men are visual and will always enjoy seeing ballin ass cars, stacks of money, food porn, real porn, hot women in dresses and heels, etc.

There is no way to ever change that about any man. It's biologically hard-wired. ALL men you ever date will look at other women. There is no stopping it.

So again, I have to ask...
why are you so insecure about it?

And as for it not being the same as me hypothetically getting naked for money, how isn't that, when....he would be giving his money to see another woman naked??

The transaction isn't the point of the example. The point is that YOU are in a relationship. If single whores want to throw their tits around for cash, cool... good for them.
Is that an appropriate job for a woman in a relationship?
Would you be ok with your bf stripping? Why not?

Think about the intent -- your bf's intent is to just go out with his boys. that was probably a place THEY picked. He's along for the ride. Some tits are out. Neat.

now what would YOUR intent be if you put in a job application there?

Any differences?

[Kiedis24]

You can look at the menu, but as long as he doesn't order from it, its okay . You should see what he jerks off too. Stop being insecure.

I knew this post was going to come across as only insecurity, but it's not so much that, I see him check out girls when I'm out with him, it doesn't bother me as I know that when a good looking guy comes into my line of vision it's a natural thing to look.
What I'm feeling is that it feels like our relationship isn't that great if I'm to not care if he's doing things like that. To me, my caring about that is another way that shows I'm invested or something. I feel like I'd be lowing my opinion on the kind of man he is if I was to ngaf about him going to strip joints and topless bars and chit. It's not just "oh I'm being insecure".

[MikNomis]

Would he limit you if you wanted to do something equivalent with your girlfriends?

[Kiedis24]

WOW.



Clear who wears the pants in that relationship.

If you actually MARRIED someone who controls you that strongly, I would argue that you're not suited to give any relationship advice.



Look... what's your issue? Why are you so insecure about the relationship?
I feel like you're saying that any time he even makes eye contact with a girl it bothers you. That's really troubling...

You do realize that men are visual right?
Just like women are emotional and will always enjoy anything that triggers an emotional response... men are visual and will always enjoy seeing ballin ass cars, stacks of money, food porn, real porn, hot women in dresses and heels, etc.

There is no way to ever change that about any man. It's biologically hard-wired. ALL men you ever date will look at other women. There is no stopping it.

So again, I have to ask...
why are you so insecure about it?



The transaction isn't the point of the example. The point is that YOU are in a relationship. If single whores want to throw their tits around for cash, cool... good for them.
Is that an appropriate job for a woman in a relationship?
Would you be ok with your bf stripping? Why not?

Think about the intent -- your bf's intent is to just go out with his boys. that was probably a place THEY picked. He's along for the ride. Some tits are out. Neat.

now what would YOUR intent be if you put in a job application there?

Any differences?

Again, the reason I used that *hypothetical* example was to show him that if it's designed to tantalize men. When else is a woman naked with a man? Er...sex of course. So it's designed to turn men on as well, so my hypothetical of what if I was in place of the topless waitress, if those men were just like "meh, it's just a bit of eye candy" *hypothetically* and according to his logic, it "wouldn't be a big deal". You see?
The example wasn't about our intents, it was about what men are thinking when they see a woman with he bare breasts sticking out in front of them.

We actually spoke about that at one point too, he said he would totally be a stripper if he had a big dick. I was a bit shocked with that, as he often refers to chicks as sluts and chit, yet he would literally be one if he had a, in his own words "a big dick".
And no I wouldn't be comfortable with him being one, I couldn't respect that in a man.
Anyway, that's really not even the point, I'm hoping you'll get what my hypothetical was about as I thought you were quit a switched-on poster.

And you just exageratted that so much by saying you think that I would be bothered about him making eye contact with other girls even. HA! Like I've said, I'm not bothered by him checking out girls, I'm not bothered by him watching porn. There's just something about him going to a place where he's paying for a naked woman that feels like it's chipping at the quality of our relationship.
Your telling me that men are very visual is only adding to my point. Chicks on the street are dressed, chicks in porn are on a screen, bare naked breasts in his face is only gonna be making him think of sexual things especially with how "visual" men are. It's the seediness of it that makes me feel like it's not much of a quality relationship. Doesn't anyone else out there think it's pathetic when men have to pay a woman, that usually wouldn't look twice at them on the street, to grind on them a bit, leave them horny and desperate and take their money while they're at it? I know that strip joints but same deal really, with the pathetic side of things.

After writing this out, I'm starting to think that, if it's his desire to go, then we're already in that place of not as quality of a relationship as I would like, so meh, may as well just tell him to go to those things and forget about it.

[IIIWolverineIII]

I guess I'm in the minority here that thinks it's okay for you to not want your boyfriend to go hang around a place loaded with naked women.

No knock to those who disagree but I wouldn't be okay with my gf ordering a drink while Fabios big fat cock rubs against her leg. So I don't expect her to be okay with me having a pair of some other chick's tits in my face, whether it's "just a titty bar" or not.

Just figure out what you believe and draw the line in the sand.

[otakutrevan]

ITT: Op has weird breasts

[johnnyboro]

What about going to the beach, some sloots might be topless there too.

[PervedOut]

I wanted to go to a fully nude, alcohol-free club and was told I would be greeted by a shotgun blast to the penis and divorce papers when I returned home.....right to my porn collection i went

[janky]

We actually spoke about that at one point too, he said he would totally be a stripper if he had a big dick. I was a bit shocked with that, as he often refers to chicks as sluts and chit, yet he would literally be one if he had a, in his own words "a big dick".
And no I wouldn't be comfortable with him being one, I couldn't respect that in a man.
Anyway, that's really not even the point, I'm hoping you'll get what my hypothetical was about as I thought you were quit a switched-on poster.

I get where you're going with the analogy. If it's just "eye candy" then it's ok for you to be "eye candy" to other guys, too, right?
NO.
BECAUSE YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
You don't get to just ignore that part of the equation, as it's substantially important.
And not only that, HE isn't the eye candy... so it's not really an "apples to apples" comparison. The "eye candy" in your hypothetical are just single bimbos.

Your bf isn't going out of his way to get a job being "eye candy" to women. He's tagging along with his buddies that wanted to go to a topless bar. It's VASTLY different in intent, and with regard to respecting the relationship.
Do you get what I'm saying?

Now, your analogy to HIM working at a strip club would hold more weight.
You're right, it wouldn't be acceptable -- because then his intent IS to get a job where he gets paid to be "eye candy" to women. That is disrespecting the relationship, unless you consented to it.

I don't think him looking at bare tits is a big deal. Does he watch porn? Do you freak out on him about that?
I also don't think it'd be any bigger of a deal if your gfs wanted to have a bachelorette party at a male strip club and you decided to go.

In either example, neither of you are physically cheating with other people. There are just female/male parts out in the open for the eyes to see. No one is touching them. No one is masturbating fantasizing about them. No one is really doing anything but having a couple drinks with friends in a venue with nudity.

I think your real problem boils down to this:

No knock to those who disagree but I wouldn't be okay with my gf ordering a drink while Fabios big fat cock rubs against her leg. So I don't expect her to be okay with me having a pair of some other chick's tits in my face, whether it's "just a titty bar" or not.

Just figure out what you believe and draw the line in the sand.

OP strongly dislikes strip clubs. Her bf doesn't seem to care.
It's a mis-alignment of values.

[janky]

ITT: Op has weird breasts

fukkin lold hard

I wanted to go to a fully nude, alcohol-free club and was told I would be greeted by a shotgun blast to the penis and divorce papers when I returned home.....right to my porn collection i went

jesus man

what is it with you guys and marrying these psychopathically insecure women?!?

If my girl EVER said that to me, I would be like "that mindset right there is why I'm gunna go ahead and go get the divorce papers right now"


smh. I feel bad for you guys.

[richie305]

Why do women bother about these stuff? There is a reason why he is with you. He goes to see some booooobieeesss aka titdays and he comes home back and ejaculate spermatoza in ur sugar walls. Be thankful you still getiing some dink OPie. Its hard out here mane

[JarlaxleMD]

Your BF is a trick, OP. I'd be more worried about that.

[Aesthension]

OP can I ask you this....say your best friend is getting married and for her bachelorette party invites strippers, do you go to your best friends party or not?

Please be honest with your answer.

[janky]

Doesn't anyone else out there think it's pathetic when men have to pay a woman, that usually wouldn't look twice at them on the street, to grind on them a bit, leave them horny and desperate and take their money while they're at it? I know that strip joints but same deal really, with the pathetic side of things.

Yes, totally. Which is why I don't go. Why would I waste my money on some drug-addicted, self-righteous, gold-digging 6/10 with no actual value or marketable skills? Why would I pay $20 extra to see a pussy 10 feet closer than I just saw it? Why would I spend $20 to see a female dance awkwardly naked for 1 and a half minutes?

But I'm not going to sit here and condemn my friends for doing it. I'm not going to call them "lesser" people, or low "quality" individuals. People like what they like. It's not up to me to decide for them.

I don't think your bf going to a topless bar with his buddies ONE TIME is as big of a deal as you're making it. If he decided he wanted to go frequently, despite your opinion on the venues, then sure... I could see you making a big deal of it. Then it just comes down to an issue of disagreement on a pretty important value system.
One time? Meh. Just tell him how you feel, and let it go.
It's not like he's cheating on you... lol

Or, judging by this thread, tell him you'll cut his dick off with a machete if he goes, and then maybe he'll put a ring on your finger for some odd reason.

OP can I ask you this....say your best friend is getting married and for her bachelorette party invites strippers, do you go to your best friends party or not?

Please be honest with your answer.

also in 4 answer

[Kiedis24]

I get where you're going with the analogy. If it's just "eye candy" then it's ok for you to be "eye candy" to other guys, too, right?
NO.
BECAUSE YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP.
You don't get to just ignore that part of the equation, as it's substantially important.
And not only that, HE isn't the eye candy... so it's not really an "apples to apples" comparison. The "eye candy" in your hypothetical are just single bimbos.

Your bf isn't going out of his way to get a job being "eye candy" to women. He's tagging along with his buddies that wanted to go to a topless bar. It's VASTLY different in intent, and with regard to respecting the relationship.
Do you get what I'm saying?

Now, your analogy to HIM working at a strip club would hold more weight.
You're right, it wouldn't be acceptable -- because then his intent IS to get a job where he gets paid to be "eye candy" to women. That is disrespecting the relationship, unless you consented to it.

I don't think him looking at bare tits is a big deal. Does he watch porn? Do you freak out on him about that?
I also don't think it'd be any bigger of a deal if your gfs wanted to have a bachelorette party at a male strip club and you decided to go.

In either example, neither of you are physically cheating with other people. There are just female/male parts out in the open for the eyes to see. No one is touching them. No one is masturbating fantasizing about them. No one is really doing anything but having a couple drinks with friends in a venue with nudity.

I think your real problem boils down to this:


OP strongly dislikes strip clubs. Her bf doesn't seem to care.
It's a mis-alignment of values.

*sigh* yes it's not *exactly* apples for apples, BUT to use your strong point of argument in equivalency he is paying the "single bimbo" to show him her breasts whilst HE IS IN A RELATIONSHIP too, hence it still being disrespectful to the quality of our relationship, it's a tacky thing to do too.

And to your point that it's not cheating, well hey, I could use the him or myself being a stripper as not cheating with other people too. You know, it's "just our female/male parts out in the open for eyes to see". Do I really have to say it - it's the principle of it.

Like I said, I'm at the point now we're I'm already thinking less of him for going anyway so what's the point now.
Oh and for the record, he loves my boobs and...so do I lol.

[janky]

Would you go to a bachelorette party that had male strippers?

[Kiedis24]

Yes, totally. Which is why I don't go. Why would I waste my money on some drug-addicted, self-righteous, gold-digging 6/10 with no actual value or marketable skills? Why would I pay $20 extra to see a pussy 10 feet closer than I just saw it? Why would I spend $20 to see a female dance awkwardly naked for 1 and a half minutes?

But I'm not going to sit here and condemn my friends for doing it. I'm not going to call them "lesser" people, or low "quality" individuals. People like what they like. It's not up to me to decide for them.

I don't think your bf going to a topless bar with his buddies ONE TIME is as big of a deal as you're making it. If he decided he wanted to go frequently, despite your opinion on the venues, then sure... I could see you making a big deal of it. Then it just comes down to an issue of disagreement on a pretty important value system.
One time? Meh. Just tell him how you feel, and let it go.
It's not like he's cheating on you... lol

Or, judging by this thread, tell him you'll cut his dick off with a machete if he goes, and then maybe he'll put a ring on your finger for some odd reason.



also in 4 answer

He's been to that one multiple times with the same friends whilst we weren't together, then was going to go next friday but he's trying not to drink. I'm pretty sure he went a couple of weeks ago too as I he told me he was gonna be late after work as he was hanging with those guys he goes with, but who knows.
Here's the thing, he said he won't go knowing how I feel, but he contradicted himself later on as we were walking when I asked if he would have told me it was that topless bar he went to if he did go next friday, and he legit said that he probably wouldn't have told me. I don't think he'd outright lie to me, as from what I've just told you he's quite upfront, it's more the "not telling" obviously. But I've said now to him that he may as well go, I'd like to know when he goes. But I can't help to think a bit less of him though, just being real.

Well, none of my friends are married yet, except an older one who didn't have any strippers, just dinner and drinks and some sex gift baskets and that. Pretty tame. I guess I would go (depending on how close a friend that would want that) but I would feel seedy about it. However, if my bf was against me going, I would take his views into account, my going along would totally be for my friend. That stuff isn't my thing. And that's not saying I'm a prude either, as I love sex with my boyfriend and have tried a fair few things with him. Just not into male strippers, I dare say it's more popular for males to be into strippers than females statistically perhaps.

[Boffothe]

Didn't you also have threads that were all shocked and appalled that he wanted you to wear cosplay costumes while having sex or something? You two might just be on different wavelengths.

[JordyQ]

You two might just be on different wavelengths.

dasit. plain and simple.