vadsie's journal

[vadsie]

yea im able to buy my own groceries and i have to change what i buy. some awesome recipes in this bodybuilder e-cookbook i bought (hehe i like books) i wanna try. the e-book im following is The Foolproof No-Fail Guide to Flexible Fat Loss Book by mike Samuels. I edited out the link incase it's a bannable offence.

[vadsie]

well i calculated my weightloss on the calender until i reach 180. and it will be feb. 1st/2017. if theres one thing i know now in life is that that date will be here sooner than i think. thats if i lose 2 pounds every week until then. it was fun to see and look forward to that weightloss but work has to be done. and yesterday and today have been good so far. hope everyone's day is going well and keep on truckin!

[vadsie]

hey hey, well this weekend i spent it at my parents house, its not their fault i get off course on my diet there but i do somehow. i ate quite a bit over easter weekend so that means not a whole lot of progress but i will be alright, if i want to see results i will have to make sacrifices. i prob sound like a broken record but this is my log so deal with it in all srsness i will be happy with 372 this wednesday.

[vadsie]

just finished weighing in this morning, and i am 373.6. i am a little disappointed but expected it after this weekend. all this means is i have to spend more time in my apartment than my parents house cause for some reason my voices dont mind letting me diet while i am in my apartment but once im at my parents i overeat. nothing can be done about it so i just have to buckle in and be patient. yesterday was a good day, maybe i will be down more weight by tomorrow and if i am, great! if i am not, no biggie. thankfully this is something i am learning to live with and not a quick fix.

[vadsie]

Hello! I dunno how much I will weigh tomorrow but I don't care what the scale says. It's not the best gauge of fat loss. Measurements and the mirror are. I've been fairly active today. If I keep counting macros and calories I will be losing. Not much more to say other than Ty for reading

[vadsie]

hey there, 371.8 today, which means loss happened. so tomorrow in the wed. weigh in thread i hope to be around 370-371. i know i said the scale wasn't the best gauge but man does it feel good to see a number u like on it eh? i will do measurements tomorrow too cuz this week is the first time i've been able to say no to my voices when they've tried their hardest to get me to cave in. which is why i am 371 at all. saying no to my voices is the biggest victory i cud imagine since i've developed this illness back in 2003. can't wait for tomorrow. pce

[vadsie]

Here I am at 3:22am and I couldn't sleep cuz my voices kept me up so I eventually eat for them. It's all good cuz I was 371.8 Tuesday morning so although I can't do it my way if I keep making progress I will be happy.

[GravyVeins]

Are you still logging calories? How's the diet looking?

[vadsie]

I eat about 2900-3000 calories and eat about 125g of protein a day of anything. Not all junk and not all clean. I like it like that cuz I've tried 100% clean with one cheat meal a week and it was a restrictive no fun way to diet and I could make progress with a more flexible approach.

[vadsie]

hello! thought i'd try this journal thing again. havent been trying hard past couple months thinking i can do this weightloss as easy as possible. that isnt a great way going about it. i must try harder. this is my first day of eating more than 100g of protein in awhile. not much exercise today. Totals cals 2,841 carbs 286g fat 126g protein 153g. i will weigh myself tomorrow morning but the main goal is to be 370. last time i weighed myself after a day where i didnt overeat i was 373.8. cya tomorrow.

[vadsie]

hey hey, well today i weighed in at 375.8. i had a meal with my parents at a chinese restaurant which i tried to keep around to 1200 cals. no exercise today. blah. without taking into account the chinese meal my macro's look like this, cals 1,740 carbs 171 fat 84 protein 72. if i cannot lose weight this week i will stop eating out and eat what i initially had planned out but i hope this is fine to do once and awhile. unless i can calculate the macros of the restaurant meal. tomorrow i will stress more water and more movement. maybe get a basketball and shoot around at the school. tnx for reading

[vadsie]

Saying no to my pressuring voices is tougher than it looks. I am about to eat some junk cuz they won't leave me alone. I just want your forgiveness and I will pray that saying no will get easier in the future. Time to eat.

[vadsie]

bringing back this bish. after months of more sobriety and stuff im able to sleep at nights without being forced to eat. im stronger than my voices and am able to. i started counting calories again but havent yet started a cleaner diet. one step at a time. i am 380 as of this morning, i went to a music festival and drank for 2 days and gained 7 pounds. i am mostly happy about my strength physically over my voices. ty for reading and i will try to do you proud

[vadsie]

made it through the night, and am now 378.4. i will try to ride the exercise bike for 15 mins later. am still very out of shape after years of sedentary lifestyle. meals aren't the healthiest but i will buy better food eventually knowing it won't be for nothing. over the years i know its my voices making me think healthy eating is bad (for them) and trying to lose weight is a waste of time. even this morning they tried convincing me losing weight wont make me happy. which might be true but being this heavy isnt making things better either. tnx for reading

[vadsie]

just a "what I look like now" pic for a starting point. seen dylan twice and it was a magical experience, even tho his best concerts were in the 60's, 70's

[cherrygarcia80]

made it through the night, and am now 378.4. i will try to ride the exercise bike for 15 mins later. am still very out of shape after years of sedentary lifestyle. meals aren't the healthiest but i will buy better food eventually knowing it won't be for nothing. over the years i know its my voices making me think healthy eating is bad (for them) and trying to lose weight is a waste of time. even this morning they tried convincing me losing weight wont make me happy. which might be true but being this heavy isnt making things better either. tnx for reading

Hey vadsie, wishing you all the best on your journey. We all have our demons to fight, so i know about the voices that want you to fail when deep down you really know that you can succeed. What matters is that you want to change and are trying to, better to start with small steps than none at all. The beginning may feel difficult but you will thank yourself in afew days/weeks/months when things start to get easier and you see results.

I have quite abit to loose as well so i know the struggles. Wishing you all the best, i find if i log regularly it really helps with accountability and support

[vadsie]

ty cherry yea i've been dealing with this illness for the last 12 years and they're used to getting their way with me but strength from sobriety is my saving grace. congrats on your weightloss i know you will make it to your end goal. one thing i've gained from all the hard times was weightloss seems easy if i could go through what i've been through. i just need to stay focused. and i will. keep on doing what you're doing.

[vadsie]

Not really caving tonight, just eating an extra 300 calories to fight hunger. So totals will be 3300 for the day. I hope to be 376 by next Tuesday.

[vadsie]

well after eating the extra 300 i felt momentum build up like i used to when i dieted and ate alot more. i just said ef it and chalked it up to "refeed" day. but when i woke up this morning i didnt continue the binge. which is good. cause usually i would. i read some tips to help me next time i feel hungry like water cause of dehydration. or not enough fiber in diet. i will address these things today.

[vadsie]

decided to keep up with this journal and be honest with everyone. i have a hard time with the voices forcing me to eat but i think this journal can be of help. so today i ate, 4 waffles with butter and syrup. one small bag of doritos (80g), 1 chili burger with fries and gravy and a filet of fish with a small portion of cheese cake for dessert. later tonight i ate a big bag of zesty chips with a kit kat bar. this type of day is not uncommon i eat what i want, whatever i think is the most convenient. hopefully being honest with you folks will help me get back in gear. i also eat at night before i fall asleep so i have to take that into consideration since my voices force me to. i can eat pretty much how how i want during the day just when its time to sleep i eat something to ruin my calorie goal for the day. so a goal is to eat calorie wise throughout the day and leave some room for my bedtime meal. ty for reading i will try to do you proud

[vadsie]

Hi today I was more careful with my food choices. It wasnt my best day but it was better than what it would have been if I didn't think of this journal. So today was 3 eggs with 2 slices of toast for breakfast. Went to a movie with my mom and nephew and had a hot dog, small box of glosettes almonds, shared a bag of popcorn with my mom. And after the movie we ate at a restaurant and I had a taco salad. Earlier in the day I had 2 cans of pop. I will try to make it through the night without eating but I have to I will have a bowl of cereal. Hopefully it will stop there I dunno yet. I feel fine. Ty for reading.

[vadsie]

Went through the night eating only two muffins. And for breakfast I had 3 slices of French toast with 3 slices of bacon. Also a bottle of juice. Football today yay

update: after breaky i ate a Klik sandwich, a muffin, a big bag of doritos (almost the whole bag), 3 pieces of chicken, some beans, and some fried potato chunks. with an ice cream cone for dessert. i dunno how many calories i consumed but tomorrows goal is to count all the calories i ate throughout the day.

[vadsie]

Hey, I was 380 on Monday and ate at a calorie deficit for about a couple days with a maintenance day Tuesday and now I weigh 377. I can only thank my strength over my voices. I eat around 3000 calories on a regular day. Trying to stay active as exercise. Hope this trend continues

[vadsie]

I re-read some of the stickies and realized i wasnt eating enough. my tdee is 4525 and %20 of that is 905. so for me to lose weight i should eat 3620 kcals and i dunno my lean muscle mass so i figure i should eat around 175g of protein, 117g of fat, and 438g of carbs. if i dont lose off of this starting tomorrow i will ask advice and cut calories to which advice i get. i will prob have more energy off this and less hunger.

[vadsie]

Well hello, no need to eat over 3500 cals a day, I can get by with 2500. My diet is pretty loose, I just count cals for now and I lost two pounds so far this week. Will lift on Monday, maybe go on the treadmill, I will try to be 373 by next Sunday. 2 pounds a week is my main goal.

[vadsie]

too hungry at 2500 cals a day so will bump up to 3620 cals and if i dont lose two pounds by next wed. i will cut a little more. i know it seems like im spinning on plans which i am but when i think im doing good i have a minor setback regarding my illness. tnx for reading

[vadsie]

Well 3620 cals is too much. Although I might lose its too much to worry about so I will lower it to 3300. I feel fine around 3000 but will make it 3300 for now.

[vadsie]

hello again! good news, ive been successfully eating in a calorie deficit for since monday at 2500 cals and altho i get hungry at times i can push through it. and the only reason it was so (hunger) bad at 3000 cals was cuz my voices made me think it was too low. who cares now tho im eating at 2500 and am happy i could do this. now that i have the voices in check i will make baby steps slowly like starting to lift and eating more protein. i will still eat freely as long as my cals are in check. my weigh ins will start on monday and altho i havent rly lost weight since monday ive lose half an inch on my biceps and belly. ty for reading

[vadsie]

well i've made it through the day without going over 3000 cals. i dont rly know how much i ate but it wasnt the healthiest but ive counted the cals. i updated my nutritional philosophy on my bodyspace so you have an idea why ive been eating burgers and cake today. (cake for my niece jenna's birthday). tomorrow i will eat a more healthier diet. i just had to believe i am able to do this and this week i am able to so i wont look back. i put up some progress pics (only the "before") on my bodyspace if you choose to see what i look like now. tomorrow i will start a weight training routine again. pce.

[vadsie]

Hi! Last night I was out until 3am and when I got home I was alright for hunger but I ended up eating some pbnj sandwiches with some tortilla chips and milk. So a couple things I want to do is set daily goals so that doesn't happen again. Like, drink 1 gallon of water a day, and take my sleeping pills at ten. That means no karaoke on Friday night until I've lost a good chunk of weight. I will also try to be more active throughout the day, no sitting on the couch and napping the day away. Tnx for reading