Tips to Becoming a Tough Guy

[InternetTuffGuy]

A lot of people have been asking me to share how they too can become a well respected and sometimes feared Tough Guy. Being the top notch kind of guy I am I feel it's my duty to share my secrets.

WARNING - If you do follow these key points you're going to have babes on you like stink on a monkey, a very hot badass monkey. So if you're married you should probably just leave the thread now. My postman is getting pissed at all the mail he has to deliver to my house from angry wives complaining about the sweet sweet action their husband are now attracting.

Step 1: Look is everything. Things like full sleeve tattoos of dragons and skulls is pretty tight. If you want to take it over the top I recommend a dragon skeleton to combine the two. Having it breath fire is optional. Nothing tribal. It's not 1998.

Hair style is pretty key. If you're going to shave your head like me you have to grow a beard, the kind of beard that birds can nest in. The beard is going to attract a lot of attention. If women want to touch it go ahead and let them. No more than three seconds though. If dudes want to touch it, and it will happen, punch them immediately and say something like, "Don't do that bro." A straight right followed by these exact words and the optional pec flex will let them know what's up. If you don't want to shave your head you can go with a shorter style but some type of facial hair like a goatee that comes down to a point is required. No side burns without additional facial hair though. That's just dumb so don't even ask about it.

Step 2: Speech. How you talk is key. Be sure to end most sentences with "bro" if you're from the Midwest. If you're from the coastal regions you should change it to "brah". An example would be something like, "Come at me bro", or, "Do you even lift bro?" When talking to women never look at them. Act like you're not terribly interested in what they have to say. Better yet just look down at your phone for most of the conversation. When talking to men look directly into their eyes but don't blink. I don't care if the conversation lasts 15 minutes. Don't you dare blink. They need to feel your intensity.

Step 3: Clothing. This one is pretty simple. Only dark colored shirts with jeans, and they must be tight. If you do go with color it must be something from the Affliction clothing brand. If you order online you can give them ITG as a promo code to receive 5% off orders of $200.00 or more. Basic jeans are fine. The jury is out on cargo shorts. My thought is if you must wear them you need a V-neck white t-shirt.

Step 4: Body language. This is probably the most important. Posture is everything. Arms should always be to the side but never touching your torso. Walk around like you have a pony keg under each arm. Hands should be tightly clinched into fists. That lets everyone know you're ready to go at the drop of a dime. Chest should be out and often flexed. Don't do that thing where you flex one pec at a time and alternate. People will think you're a douche.

Never look down. Only the weak look down. Chin should be slightly up and out. If you're walking down the sidewalk and there is someone across the street coming your direction immediately go to their side and walk down the middle. Remember, chest up and arms out. This pretty much puts the neighborhood on notice.

Well those are the basics. I will now open the thread up for questions.

[kimm4]

In b4 BH

[cowboybiker]

If I made you red would you still be a tough guy?

[frozensparky]

Curious if this is an attempt at humor or a call out. Cause either way I'm not getting it

[cowboybiker]

Curious if this is an attempt at humor or a call out. Cause either way I'm not getting it

He wears Affliction.

Pretty much sums it up.

[SteveWright1]

I heard it was 500 street fights?

[Fishman15]

Curious if this is an attempt at humor or a call out. Cause either way I'm not getting it

Doesn't matter...OP is getting negged...

[cowboybiker]

I like how every time I enter a thread. .. automatic 5 stars.

Who's rating this crap?

[ChazWood]

wow, tough crowd!

I dug it, thanks InternetTuffGuy!

I do have a question though.

Can the Affliction shirt be substituted for a Tap Out shirt?

Oh, and can I also get some guidance on footwear please.

Thanks InternetTuffGuy!

[Fishman15]

I like how every time I enter a thread. .. automatic 5 stars.

Who's rating this crap?

That's neggable too...

[Fishman15]

.
Oh, and can I also get some guidance on footwear please.

Thanks InternetTuffGuy!

Anything that accentuates your tow jam chaz...

[cowboybiker]

wow, tough crowd!

I dug it, thanks InternetTuffGuy!

I do have a question though.

Can the Affliction shirt be substituted for a Tap Out shirt?

Oh, and can I also get some guidance on footwear please.

Thanks InternetTuffGuy!

Canadians

[so-tex]

A lot of people have been asking me to share how they too can become a well respected and sometimes feared Tough Guy. Being the top notch kind of guy I am I feel it's my duty to share my secrets.

WARNING - If you do follow these key points you're going to have babes on you like stink on a monkey, a very hot badass monkey. So if you're married you should probably just leave the thread now. My postman is getting pissed at all the mail he has to deliver to my house from angry wives complaining about the sweet sweet action their husband are now attracting.

Step 1: Look is everything. Things like full sleeve tattoos of dragons and skulls is pretty tight. If you want to take it over the top I recommend a dragon skeleton to combine the two. Having it breath fire is optional. Nothing tribal. It's not 1998.

Hair style is pretty key. If you're going to shave your head like me you have to grow a beard, the kind of beard that birds can nest in. The beard is going to attract a lot of attention. If women want to touch it go ahead and let them. No more than three seconds though. If dudes want to touch it, and it will happen, punch them immediately and say something like, "Don't do that bro." A straight right followed by these exact words and the optional pec flex will let them know what's up. If you don't want to shave your head you can go with a shorter style but some type of facial hair like a goatee that comes down to a point is required. No side burns without additional facial hair though. That's just dumb so don't even ask about it.

Step 2: Speech. How you talk is key. Be sure to end most sentences with "bro" if you're from the Midwest. If you're from the coastal regions you should change it to "brah". An example would be something like, "Come at me bro", or, "Do you even lift bro?" When talking to women never look at them. Act like you're not terribly interested in what they have to say. Better yet just look down at your phone for most of the conversation. When talking to men look directly into their eyes but don't blink. I don't care if the conversation lasts 15 minutes. Don't you dare blink. They need to feel your intensity.

Step 3: Clothing. This one is pretty simple. Only dark colored shirts with jeans, and they must be tight. If you do go with color it must be something from the Affliction clothing brand. If you order online you can give them ITG as a promo code to receive 5% off orders of $200.00 or more. Basic jeans are fine. The jury is out on cargo shorts. My thought is if you must wear them you need a V-neck white t-shirt.

Step 4: Body language. This is probably the most important. Posture is everything. Arms should always be to the side but never touching your torso. Walk around like you have a pony keg under each arm. Hands should be tightly clinched into fists. That lets everyone know you're ready to go at the drop of a dime. Chest should be out and often flexed. Don't do that thing where you flex one pec at a time and alternate. People will think you're a douche.

Never look down. Only the weak look down. Chin should be slightly up and out. If you're walking down the sidewalk and there is someone across the street coming your direction immediately go to their side and walk down the middle. Remember, chest up and arms out. This pretty much puts the neighborhood on notice.

Well those are the basics. I will now open the thread up for questions.

Step 5: Go to the gym and gain some muscle before posting up an AVI.

[ChazWood]

This is why we can't have nice things.

Thanks Obama.

[frozensparky]

Canadians

Hey!! I'm also Canadian but I better aware you now bro. I have two sleeves and both have dragons and skulls although no affliction shirts I do like to show off my invisible lats. Just wanted you to know your dealing with a tuff guy here before you respond.










Brah

[cowboybiker]

This is why we can't have nice things.

Thanks Obama.

Yeah!!!


Thanks crack smoking Canadian mayor.

[dbx]

I heard it was 500 street fights?

Yep, that's the standard.

[ChazWood]

That's a tough guy.

[Fishman15]

This is why we can't have nice things.

Thanks Obama.

Even the Canadians understand that this is Obama's fault...

[cowboybiker]

Hey!! I'm also Canadian but I better aware you now bro. I have two sleeves and both have dragons and skulls although no affliction shirts I do like to show off my invisible lats. Just wanted you to know your dealing with a tuff guy here before you respond.



Brah

[Fishman15]

lol...some of your best work there...

[dbx]

That's a tough guy.

Did you actually watch how the movie ends?

Even the Canadians understand that this is Obama's fault...

Nice! There are some smart Canucks!

[GuyJin]

Being an Internet tough guy ain't so difficult.

1. Take selfies at every turn. Put them in conversations even when they're about movies, politics, or who just bought a new car.

2. Repeat number one and yes, add "brah" or "broskie" to every sentence. Be consistent.

3. Call someone out and make sure you add in some non-sequiter insults.

Repeat steps two and three.

Wearing Affliction or TapOut shirts is optional.

[ChazWood]

Did you actually watch how the movie ends?

hell's yeah, it's one of my favorite films.

as for the end, he had it coming!

[cowboybiker]

[dbx]

50 is NOT 500.

I'm holding a math class at 4PM tomorrow, and I'd like for you to be there.

[kimm4]

[cowboybiker]

50 is NOT 500.

I'm holding a math class at 4PM tomorrow, and I'd like for you to be there.

[Fishman15]

That little man got it goin on. Lookin dapper...

[Fishman15]

I'm guessing 4 pm isn't good for cbb...