[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part II

[DannStark]

Keep wanting to post in threads like this but it seems pointless. How many people i've told things and shared my life with in the past, where are they now?



-make a friend
-share things and create new memories
-lose friend
-repeat until dead

[MrDevereaux]

Keep wanting to post in threads like this but it seems pointless. How many people i've told things and shared my life with in the past, where are they now?



-make a friend
-share things and create new memories
-lose friend
-repeat until dead

Feels. Find it almost absurd how easily people come and go.

[bongowongo]

Failed my driving (motorbike) exam Twice. Have severe anxiety during the exams so I'm fully prepped to prolly keep failing over and over again .... The only thing that keeps me going is that people like the sith lord managed to get his license, so if he can get it .... Odds are I should as well lmao, but fukk if I aint feeling completely hopeless and negative right now.

[300BLK]

Anyone just feel nervous for no reason? Like just feel shaky and easily flinchable?

[KMadigan777]

I made this post but it got deleted in the main misc (why?) anyway had a friend kill herself and feeling sad about it.

When I lived in this other city, I was good friends with this woman, it wasn't sexual because she was going through divorce, but we were pretty close. Talked, joked, supported etc it was rare given I'm not close with many women. I moved away a few months ago, but kept in touch with her. She was having a tough time because couldn't get a raise from work (they'd been lying to her about a raise for over a year), and ex problems.

Anyway, found out she killed herself, leaving her kid behind. The crazy thing was I was talking to her THE DAY BEFORE. She seemed distant, but nothing too abnormal. It is just crazy she didn't think to ask, to talk etc to me. Or that I feel guilty I 'should' have seen it, or known it, or done something. I know it may not be logical or something, but it's just crazy man, a good friend of mine killing herself. No more jokes, no more flirts, just her dead body and her kid left behind.

What is some messed up icing on the cake, she had been after a raise for over a year, and days after she dies work 'mysteriously' decides to give raises to everyone. So glad I quit the job, but man. Kind of a lot to think about.

Any bros relate, or any advice? Never been so close to a suicide before. I ran suicides as a fire fighter before but it was just 'someone else', my own friend man...kind of makes me cry.

[transformerchad]

My life has been one hell of a roller coaster. I got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety at around 21 years old , to my belief i have had it ever since i was 7 years old. I was on Duloxetine for nearly 4 years (2012-2016 July) along with ********** and propranolol hydrochloride.

Guys i cant even begin to explain the extent of what i was going through before the medication , i literally felt like i was empty inside its the only way i can describe it , negative thought patterns and anxiety attacks that left me paralyzed for hours .

The medication helped me yes , but it most definitely damaged my brain and hormones . 3 months ago i decided to stop the SSRI's and receptor blockers . I am still on the ********** and i am training regularly and eating well balanced meals packed with nutrients .

I was depressed the past 4 years (even on the medication) , basically a slave to my own negative thoughts , obeying all these bull**** perspectives of myself and everyone around me . Gained over 80lbs of fat and didnt give one ef about anything , from my looks to my personality , my personal hygiene , my relationships and family . Nothing mattered at all . I personally believe that the medication was not a solution to my problems .

The problems started with myself , I hated myself . This alone brings upon so much negativity . One Sunday evening i was tempted to take my own life and even tried to reach out to the closest of my family , none of them understood . i was physically and mentally ill , and thats where i made a decision . It was either i carry on taking the medication that makes me feel like a living dead person and carry on with my ways and live a miserable life / End it all / or start all over again . I decided when to take control of my own life and my own destiny . MY MAIN GOAL WAS TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE MYSELF . Love yourself , i cant emphasize on this enough . Love will cause you to appreciate and create positive energies , you will raise your standards and know that every single person on this planet has greatness in them and you are one of them just waiting to bloom . Sitting on your ass and letting depression control your life will only make things even darker , get up , do something about your life by starting with yourself because no one out there can live your life for you and accomplish beautiful things that will make life a journey worth living . I am only 13 weeks clean of the stuff , i feel the damage it caused , but i will never ever let myself go that way again , i will be proactive and make sure i am happy , fight for the happiness and just keep on grinding at the things that bring out joy. If you have no Joy , keep doing different things until you find something that brings out joy , but first thing is first it all starts with the person in the mirror .

Please contact me if you feel that you can relate , i will be more than glad to help someone out . I am not 100% okay , but i have been through it all and just 1% more fulfillment is a huge step forward

[bongowongo]

My life has been one hell of a roller coaster. I got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety at around 21 years old , to my belief i have had it ever since i was 7 years old. I was on Duloxetine for nearly 4 years (2012-2016 July) along with ********** and propranolol hydrochloride.

Guys i cant even begin to explain the extent of what i was going through before the medication , i literally felt like i was empty inside its the only way i can describe it , negative thought patterns and anxiety attacks that left me paralyzed for hours .

The medication helped me yes , but it most definitely damaged my brain and hormones . 3 months ago i decided to stop the SSRI's and receptor blockers . I am still on the ********** and i am training regularly and eating well balanced meals packed with nutrients .

I was depressed the past 4 years (even on the medication) , basically a slave to my own negative thoughts , obeying all these bull**** perspectives of myself and everyone around me . Gained over 80lbs of fat and didnt give one ef about anything , from my looks to my personality , my personal hygiene , my relationships and family . Nothing mattered at all . I personally believe that the medication was not a solution to my problems .

The problems started with myself , I hated myself . This alone brings upon so much negativity . One Sunday evening i was tempted to take my own life and even tried to reach out to the closest of my family , none of them understood . i was physically and mentally ill , and thats where i made a decision . It was either i carry on taking the medication that makes me feel like a living dead person and carry on with my ways and live a miserable life / End it all / or start all over again . I decided when to take control of my own life and my own destiny . MY MAIN GOAL WAS TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE MYSELF . Love yourself , i cant emphasize on this enough . Love will cause you to appreciate and create positive energies , you will raise your standards and know that every single person on this planet has greatness in them and you are one of them just waiting to bloom . Sitting on your ass and letting depression control your life will only make things even darker , get up , do something about your life by starting with yourself because no one out there can live your life for you and accomplish beautiful things that will make life a journey worth living . I am only 13 weeks clean of the stuff , i feel the damage it caused , but i will never ever let myself go that way again , i will be proactive and make sure i am happy , fight for the happiness and just keep on grinding at the things that bring out joy. If you have no Joy , keep doing different things until you find something that brings out joy , but first thing is first it all starts with the person in the mirror .

Please contact me if you feel that you can relate , i will be more than glad to help someone out . I am not 100% okay , but i have been through it all and just 1% more fulfillment is a huge step forward

<3


Mght drop you a pm sometime on my bad days g.



How's the weight loss now? you're looking joocy in your avi.

[transformerchad]

<3


Mght drop you a pm sometime on my bad days g.



How's the weight loss now? you're looking joocy in your avi.

Any time man , we all have our ups and downs , i still have the downs but i train my mind the best i can to avoid the downers . When the downers arrive i just push on through and train extra hard and work on creating my own life and its desires .

With regards to the physique , surprisingly getting into shape extremely quick and my strength has gone through the roof . I feel as if my natural hormones are in balance again and feel like im gaining interests in power lifting - Specifically Squats and Deadlifts .

My weight has pretty much only dropped 9 pounds in the last 2 months , but my body looks way more muscular with less fat , which i believe is due to the fact that i started eating correctly , training heavy and consistently , coming off those zombie meds , supplementing with vitamins and minerals that i dont get enough of in food like Vitamin D3 , Zinc and magnesium , and lastly muscle memory - That Avi is old dude , i was around 160-165lbs at 11% after my first cut which lasted 7 months . i dropped around 50 pounds to get in that shape but i felt skinny/fat . Doing things different with a recomp this time around . Goal is to only start a proper shredding diet next year after iv gained a good muscular base under all the fat


Its coming along , getting into shape

[Metalmank]

You all matter.

Just sayin.

[zilaniz]

My life has been one hell of a roller coaster. I got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety at around 21 years old , to my belief i have had it ever since i was 7 years old. I was on Duloxetine for nearly 4 years (2012-2016 July) along with ********** and propranolol hydrochloride.

Guys i cant even begin to explain the extent of what i was going through before the medication , i literally felt like i was empty inside its the only way i can describe it , negative thought patterns and anxiety attacks that left me paralyzed for hours .

The medication helped me yes , but it most definitely damaged my brain and hormones . 3 months ago i decided to stop the SSRI's and receptor blockers . I am still on the ********** and i am training regularly and eating well balanced meals packed with nutrients .

I was depressed the past 4 years (even on the medication) , basically a slave to my own negative thoughts , obeying all these bull**** perspectives of myself and everyone around me . Gained over 80lbs of fat and didnt give one ef about anything , from my looks to my personality , my personal hygiene , my relationships and family . Nothing mattered at all . I personally believe that the medication was not a solution to my problems .

The problems started with myself , I hated myself . This alone brings upon so much negativity . One Sunday evening i was tempted to take my own life and even tried to reach out to the closest of my family , none of them understood . i was physically and mentally ill , and thats where i made a decision . It was either i carry on taking the medication that makes me feel like a living dead person and carry on with my ways and live a miserable life / End it all / or start all over again . I decided when to take control of my own life and my own destiny . MY MAIN GOAL WAS TO LEARN HOW TO LOVE MYSELF . Love yourself , i cant emphasize on this enough . Love will cause you to appreciate and create positive energies , you will raise your standards and know that every single person on this planet has greatness in them and you are one of them just waiting to bloom . Sitting on your ass and letting depression control your life will only make things even darker , get up , do something about your life by starting with yourself because no one out there can live your life for you and accomplish beautiful things that will make life a journey worth living . I am only 13 weeks clean of the stuff , i feel the damage it caused , but i will never ever let myself go that way again , i will be proactive and make sure i am happy , fight for the happiness and just keep on grinding at the things that bring out joy. If you have no Joy , keep doing different things until you find something that brings out joy , but first thing is first it all starts with the person in the mirror .

Please contact me if you feel that you can relate , i will be more than glad to help someone out . I am not 100% okay , but i have been through it all and just 1% more fulfillment is a huge step forward

How did you go about learning how to love yourself. I truly believe one of my main issues is I have zero self confidence these days/hate myself.

[miscerzhatehim]

ah, my life is ****

[transformerchad]

How did you go about learning how to love yourself. I truly believe one of my main issues is I have zero self confidence these days/hate myself.

We will have days where we feel down and out but this is what is working for me and a few of the things that has personally changed my life for the better (learning to love yourself)

It starts with your physical health and challenging your body on a daily basis through some sort of physical activity , i feel that this brings about hurdles that we have to over come . Once we achieve , we feel amazing , and the cycle of accomplishment and self worth just continues to rise . Our healthy body and lifestyle will aid to a healthy mind . We are meant to be physically active creatures , without achievement we will feel like nothing , and i believe a person that suffers from depression should start here .

NEVER feel sorry for yourself , pick yourself up when tough times strike by , life is in your own hands , no one can live life for you . So be sure to be proactive and take action , sitting around and pondering about negative situations will just increase stress and trigger off a depressive episode . We cant look into the eyes of others , look at that person in the mirror and begin to believe in your true potential .

I can go on and on , but the point i am getting at is change your focus and direction and that focus should be finding the real you . That alone should be your daily motivation . Work on yourself man , then you can work on giving back one day and feel even more accomplished and fulfilled .

[PBLift84]

How did you go about learning how to love yourself. I truly believe one of my main issues is I have zero self confidence these days/hate myself.

For me, It was little steps that were 2 steps forward, 1 step back. I also found a book called "It Wasn't Your Fault" that helped me name and face a lot of stuff that was done to me.

[miscerzhatehim]

euthanize me!!

[OnePostPony]

It feels good to know I am not alone. Can't believe I never checked this thread before - sometimes I want to deny how I am feeling. Currently I am questioning my career decisions, for social and economic reasons. Will be back for soon, hopefully I am feeling better tomorrow.

[miscerzhatehim]

I wish I had the courage to kill myself instead of living out the next 60 so years of my miserable existence

misery loves company bro.

[duglosh]

Hey brahs

Came across these quotes from Marcel Proust and they made me feel good. I know depression is a bitch but I definitely think I have learned a lot because of it.

We are healed from suffering only by experiencing it to the full.

Happiness is beneficial for the body, but it is grief that develops the powers of the mind.

Reading is an excellent way to focus the mind on something productive. If you dont already read much I highly recommend it.

Stay strong

[axiom15]

Going camping hopefully next weekend if I can, currently feeling like chit and throat is swelled up. Regardless if I'm going or not, I'm either going to end this once and for all or I'm going to make the most drastic change I can in my life and leave literally everything behind and move to a new town and be homeless (might sleep on a family members floor though) while trying to start over.

Something needs to happen

[BigTimePlayer]

Going camping hopefully next weekend if I can, currently feeling like chit and throat is swelled up. Regardless if I'm going or not, I'm either going to end this once and for all or I'm going to make the most drastic change I can in my life and leave literally everything behind and move to a new town and be homeless (might sleep on a family members floor though) while trying to start over.

Something needs to happen

Have you been to a therapist at all to try to help you?

[axiom15]

Have you been to a therapist at all to try to help you?

Seen a psychiatrist when I was ~13 that suggested medication, mom took me elsewhere because she thought Jesus would help me lmao. Never went back. I have no job, insurance, vehicle, etc. To afford/ be going to therapy. I planned on it when I had money but nothing has changed the past two years

[miscerzhatehim]

ahh, life

[2RDEYE]

tfw i will probably end up a murderer, a psycho, suicide victim, a homeless man, an alcoholic, drug addict, or a guy who works in a warehouse his entire life

i envy all u guys with good careers. that's worth so much. if i had a good career i could focus on so many other things. and it would be possible to actually have a girlfriend and start a family, and actually start living.

i was looking up all these school programs and chit i don't even have grade 10 math or science so i can't apply to anything, and my highschool english expires in a year.

definitely not going into trades. i raged quit because blue collar jobs made me seriously depressed and stressed.

[fit5128]

In a way, that seems to indirectly be a form of negative visualization, albeit maybe a really distorted way of going about it.

The one thing all of these girls (going as far back as 2010) have had in common is that I really click with them. Let me put it this way... Humans are social creatures and need a sense of belonging. People tend to associate with those who are similar to them. I've always felt like a square peg in a round hole world, so while I can get along with most people fairly easily, there's a huge difference between getting along with someone and feeling a genuine connection. It's the type of connection you can't force, the type of friendship/relationship that just happens naturally and effortlessly. For most people, they're the kinds of friends that you naturally end up defaulting to because of how natural and effortless it is.

Problem is that I'm a little weird in a lot of subtler ways. Probably not a coincidence that every girl I feel that connection to is someone who is a little different themselves, often almost like the female versions of me, and they generally don't really fit in with anybody else either. Birds of the same feather flock together, so there you go. When almost nobody you meet gives you that feeling of social fulfillment and belonging, the few that do fill those voids are going to be naturally addicting. And I don't doubt that male/female attraction bolsters that feeling too, considering there's usually a lot of mutual attraction that draws me and these types of girls really close, really fast. It's a high like nothing else, literally better than a lot of drugs, and it makes me feel like the many problems that are constantly nagging me have suddenly disappeared and I gain a false sense of control over my life.

I either have to live like this, always craving a high that isn't completely within my control, and one that will become harder and harder to secure as I start aging a lot and becoming busier with other things... Or I can figure out a way to fix whatever it is that causes me to be unable to connect to most people.

Amusingly, literally every single one of these girls has had depression or some other mental illness, which is fuked considering there was no way of me knowing any of that in the early stages when I was drawn to them. I'm guessing that depression and a lot of other mental illnesses are probably more common in people who feel left out the way I do.

I see. We are social animals for sure, but what you say is like saying "I need liquid, I will only drink red bull as water is not as energizing for me". What happens is that you are on a satisfaction treadmill, once your desire is fulfilled (oneitis) you don't find it as desirable as you once did. You end up as dissatisfied as you were in the beginning. And you look for the next oneitis.

You can change the pattern if you want because this is one of the things over which you have COMPLETE control (aka dichotomy of control) That's why I asked you what you were looking for in these girls. I don't think it's a coincidence they also suffer/have suffered from depression, even if you say you couldn't know this beforehand. As you say, it's a false sense of control: your problems don't disappear, you are only delaying the healing!

It's not my intention to bother you, I just think you CAN change what's within your control and have a better life

[DannStark]

Just found out about this term and it's exactly how i feel every day https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis

sometimes i feel i need to change but i'm instantly reminded by myself that it doesn't matter. I feel like I've seen so much and in the end of it all its all pointless. what does it matter if i died 10 years ago, or 5, or today. what does it matter if i die homeless or rich, have a good life or a bad one. In the end it wont matter. I've been depressed for years for different reasons, but i don't see myself getting out of this. If i could believe in religion i would but i'd basically have to brainwash myself into believing something i believe to be impossible, and probably go insane.

[2RDEYE]

Just found out about this term and it's exactly how i feel every day https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_crisis

sometimes i feel i need to change but i'm instantly reminded by myself that it doesn't matter. I feel like I've seen so much and in the end of it all its all pointless. what does it matter if i died 10 years ago, or 5, or today. what does it matter if i die homeless or rich, have a good life or a bad one. In the end it wont matter. I've been depressed for years for different reasons, but i don't see myself getting out of this. If i could believe in religion i would but i'd basically have to brainwash myself into believing something i believe to be impossible, and probably go insane.

i was like that after my mom died when i was around 10 years old. i was numb and suicidal since then. i was a punching bag throughout my entire childhood, i would let people throw me against the wall and punch me and choke me and i would just smile. i didn't care if i died, can you believe that? since elementary school i was ready to die, i wanted to. i then turned to alcoholism and drugs and dropped out of highschool around grade 10. i went through counseling programs 4 times and hopped on anti-depressants but it just made me feel crazy and more depressed. i ended cutting my wrists on anti-depressants. i would lie on the ground in my bedroom for months doing nothing.

one day i got lucky, i would still be numb and suicidal, but i actually found something i wanted. it's gonna sound corny as fuk but by pure luck i met and fell in love when i was 19 with a girl who seemed to genuinely care about me. but even though i only knew her for a month. that changed my entire perspective. for the first time and only time in my life i felt color and joy since my mom died.

the only thing i want in this world in all honesty is love now. i think that's what we all inherently search for in the end. but if you're like me it's just so damn hard to get it when you're really on the chit hole rock bottom of society. and love in this day as an adult is unreal. the deciding factors/requirements of whether you can be loved is f*cking bullchit. you need a good career, you need lots of money, you need status, you need education, that chit is all society based. it's fuking bullchit. as a highschool dropout with no connections or help that is very hard to achieve. i'll probably be over the age of 30 when i get my first girlfriend because i'm so far behind. i'm going to be over 25 when i go to school and who knows if it'll work out for me or not. i haven't even decided on a path yet.

[brian1570]

my father passed away on the 13th, my grandmother back in may. this **** sucks. he was my best friend and she was like a mother to me.

[DannStark]

i was like that after my mom died when i was around 10 years old. i was numb and suicidal since then. i was a punching bag throughout my entire childhood, i would let people throw me against the wall and punch me and choke me and i would just smile. i didn't care if i died, can you believe that? since elementary school i was ready to die, i wanted to. i then turned to alcoholism and drugs and dropped out of highschool around grade 10. i went through counseling programs 4 times and hopped on anti-depressants but it just made me feel crazy and more depressed. i ended cutting my wrists on anti-depressants. i would lie on the ground in my bedroom for months doing nothing.

one day i got lucky, i would still be numb and suicidal, but i actually found something i wanted. it's gonna sound corny as fuk but by pure luck i met and fell in love when i was 19 with a girl who seemed to genuinely care about me. but even though i only knew her for a month. that changed my entire perspective. for the first time and only time in my life i felt color and joy since my mom died.

the only thing i want in this world in all honesty is love now. i think that's what we all inherently search for in the end. but if you're like me it's just so damn hard to get it when you're really on the chit hole rock bottom of society. and love in this day as an adult is unreal. the deciding factors/requirements of whether you can be loved is f*cking bullchit. you need a good career, you need lots of money, you need status, you need education, that chit is all society based. it's fuking bullchit. as a highschool dropout with no connections or help that is very hard to achieve. i'll probably be over the age of 30 when i get my first girlfriend because i'm so far behind. i'm going to be over 25 when i go to school and who knows if it'll work out for me or not. i haven't even decided on a path yet.

I don't want to type my life story, but like i mentioned i've been depressed for years, and like you one day that changed because i met a girl i loved and she loved me back. I thought i had found what i needed to fill what was missing. Short of the story = its done now, what did it matter if she made me happy. I've had to move on from family, friends, pets, moving a country, love. I'm tired of moving on just to start over again when i know anything i experience i'm going to have to move on from eventually.

I appreciate your story tho. A great thing about the internet is you can see all the people that go through similar things and it makes you feel less alone in being alone.

[2RDEYE]

my father passed away on the 13th, my grandmother back in may. this **** sucks. he was my best friend and she was like a mother to me.

that's terrible man. i still know those feels. it's a nightmare you can't wake up from. i hope you find some consolation. it took me a long time to recover after my mom died. i just keep telling myself that my mom lives through me now, and that's a very comforting feeling to me even though i still miss her.

[Thai_Clinch]

Anyone just feel nervous for no reason? Like just feel shaky and easily flinchable?

yes.


started for me back this july. waking up in the middle of the night after an hour or so sleep in a complete panic. it's ****ing scary. like heart attack feelings. had it under control for a couple months and then the past week has been pure hell. sleepless nights (literally zero rest), nervousness, shaky and jumpy. very nauseated. the docs put me on zoloft thursday and the sides already suck.


there is a plethora of information out there bro. biggest thing is do not be afraid to talk about it or get help for it.

[Beauuu]

got put on escitalopram (lexapro), anyone else ever use this? or SSRIs in general?