[SRS] Depression Discussion and Support Thread Part II

[SugarFree1]

So what would be so bad about the extra therapy?

Well the main problem is the therapist's overly concern and placing me in a suicidal category despite that Ive never said anything about harming myself. The second problem is 5 sessions a week is just plain too much. I have anxiety enough bringing myself to go each time now. I went yesterday to group therapy and she pretty much kept the topic of conversation on me the whole session and felt like she was trying the entire time to trick me up to say something that would get me committed including giving me a written threat assessment form to fill out where each of the answers is left open for interpretation. I am trying though and scheduled for 3 different appointments this week

[JayEs90]

I'm thinking about killing myself soon, I don't know if I should take timing into consideration. Maybe pick a day were I'm alone for more than 24 hours.
The only reason I try to convince myself not to is any hope of me and the love of my life getting back together.

Last week I took a pregnancy test because I missed my period and I was pregnant.
I went to my family doctor who's catholic like us and she gave me pills to take to abort.

They didn't cause my period to come back, or any miscarriage or any bleeding. It just hurt a little and for an hour.
Im too scared to take another pregnancy test, and I'm too scared to have to "kill" anything twice.

Oh god I just want to die so badly. I even went running tonight even though I already had my full workout this morning.
I ran for four miles straight sobbing my heart out and this feeling still wont go away.

I hate when males on this forum say they can never find any girl worthy, because I'm fighting so hard to show my bestfriend how much
this all means to me and he's just throwing it away like it meant nothing. I took care of him when he was sick and hurt. I took him to therapy, I helped him walk when he would get dizzy and nauseous from his IBS. I would bring him electrolytes and drinks and meals to school so he didn't get sick. I always paid my rent, my bills,
and tried to apologize for any mistakes or hurt I could cause him through my depression.

I gave him everything I could have and when I fell into depression and sabotage'd the relationship he won't even look at me to consider giving me a chance.

The only reason I try to feel normal and live a normal life is because I feel embarrassed to be this level of depressed.
Makes me feel even more gross and worthless, and less hopeful that I'll ever attract him ever again. Thats why I try to pretend to be happy.

I already chose a knife from my knife collection and I'm keeping it in my nightstand.

I'm a little late and I hope I'm not to late. think things through before you do anything. I know how it feels to put someone else's needs before your own and how I can fukk you up more after everything is said and done. I put my ex and her problems before me and mine and when we finally ended things for good I snapped/self-destructed. I was depressed before her but when I was with her I was a little more stable but now I've been in an even bigger downward spiral for the past 2 months. drinking almost every night, "partying", making horrible choices, some days I don't even want to get out of bed.

the being thrown away like nothing part hurts so fukking bad like you said. it seems like everytime I get out of a relationship or am pushed to the side like nothing, my ex's find someone way better than me and are extremely happy and end up bettering themselves and their lives. (my ex is not my main reason for my depression)

one of the things that hurts the most is when your ex is in a new relationship a month or less after you guys end things. makes you feel like you never ment anything to them and they never cared for you. happened with my last 2 relationships.

[SugarFree1]

For those that are thinking about suicide and would like to talk privately, feel free to PM me

[Ricky_k]

Never realised how hard much anxiety multiplies depending who you live with. I'm in a house with 4 other bubbly and loud people and that makes it hard. Ive already been questioned about why I spend so much time in my room.

I just want to be alone with my feelings. Sit in the dark and listen to this song on repeat.

[CarlyRaeJepsen]

Couldn't figure out why I was anxious/depressed until my neurologist kept increasing my dosage of Keppra (I have epilepsy) and kept sleeping worse and worse and feeling horribly apathetic. Currently taking Remeron for mental issues, Lamictal for epilepsy and am gonna try to get off the Keppra for good and then maybe the Remeron. "Kepprage" is real brahs. We're all gonna make it!

[SteadyWayfarer]

It's so weird.

I've been hanging with my cousin lately who recently graduated college, and he's literally my only friend. Thing is, when i hang with him, I feel so alive, not lonely at all and actually not suicidal. Only time in months where i don't contemplate suicide. I would say i feel pretty happy when hanging out to be honest. I guess not only the chronic pain, but the loneliness is the primary cause to my suicidal feelings. It won't be too long before he get's a job, and can rarely hang out with me though. Sure i could find other friends, but it still feels bad because if i do solve the problem of loneliness, then i still have my chronic pain issue lingering.

Then off course i need to get a job which will be hard to endure 40 hours every week due to my chronic pain. I guess there's always the option of disability, but i really don't want to admit defeat at age 23.

[Cristoforidream]

It's so weird.

I've been hanging with my cousin lately who recently graduated college, and he's literally my only friend. Thing is, when i hang with him, I feel so alive, not lonely at all and actually not suicidal. Only time in months where i don't contemplate suicide. I would say i feel pretty happy when hanging out to be honest. I guess not only the chronic pain, but the loneliness is the primary cause to my suicidal feelings. It won't be too long before he get's a job, and can rarely hang out with me though. Sure i could find other friends, but it still feels bad because if i do solve the problem of loneliness, then i still have my chronic pain issue lingering.

Then off course i need to get a job which will be hard to endure 40 hours every week due to my chronic pain. I guess there's always the option of disability, but i really don't want to admit defeat at age 23.

Disability is for people who need it and you sound like you do. You wouldn't be a welfare leech. As for the pain can you get on stronger pain killers?

[Cristoforidream]

Well the main problem is the therapist's overly concern and placing me in a suicidal category despite that Ive never said anything about harming myself. The second problem is 5 sessions a week is just plain too much. I have anxiety enough bringing myself to go each time now. I went yesterday to group therapy and she pretty much kept the topic of conversation on me the whole session and felt like she was trying the entire time to trick me up to say something that would get me committed including giving me a written threat assessment form to fill out where each of the answers is left open for interpretation. I am trying though and scheduled for 3 different appointments this week

Switch therapists if this one is looking for a reason to institute you because she thinks you need it and not because you actually do. Therapy can be great but humans are flawed and even with the best intentions she might be chitting it up right now. The best thing to do is to get to another therapist and get the help you need.

[wantrepreneur]

These past two weeks I've finally began to experience some joy and happiness in my life after quitting my binge drinking habit.

I was consitantly drinking 12-20 drinks a night two-three times a week during the school year, and have cut that down to 6 beers a MONTH. Every few weekends I'll crack a few..

This past week I've actually had that excited feeling in my throat/gut that I thought I would never experience again.

If you drink AT ALL, quit for at least 3 months and see how you feel.

It's going to get better everyone. Find out what's holding you back in life and cut it out, whether it's toxic peope, bad habits, or a chitty job.

Don't even think twice about it. Find a way to get it out of your life.

I wish you all the best.

[SteadyWayfarer]

Disability is for people who need it and you sound like you do. You wouldn't be a welfare leech. As for the pain can you get on stronger pain killers?

painkillers barely seem to help the pain bro. But i thank you for the support, i will keep this thread updated on how things go.

[BJaxxon]

Is there some subforum dedicated to depression/mental health? Not sure I want to post too much about it on Misc.

[wantrepreneur]

Is there some subforum dedicated to depression/mental health? Not sure I want to post too much about it on Misc.

This is a no judgement zone brah

[Cristoforidream]

Was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder among other things. Extreme introvert. Its one of the bad days. I think a walk with my dog would clear my head, but when I get this way I'm full hermit mode, can't leave the house, and can't be around people.

\

I suffer from anxiety and for me the best way to get outside to feel better and avoid people is to have a music player and wear sunglasses. Eye contact =/= no but using those things makes it easier to go outside and ignore people. I hope that helps even a little.

[wantrepreneur]

I actually have very similar experience as you do man srs. What are your daily habits like? ie What substances (legal and illegal) are you taking that could be contributing to the problem. I found that once I stopped drinking I got out of my head a little and my anxiety dissipated a lot

[JayEs90]

the last few days have been a little rough for me. I said goodbye to a close friend that I've known for 10 years who is moving across the country, been drinking every night except Tuesday (lately have only been taking 1 or 2 nights off a week from drinking), I've been a complete fukking arsehole to people lately. I feel like I don't have much more fight left in me and am ready to give up soon. I try and go out and have a good time with friends but when I do go out sometimes I don't even want to be there or I just drink and take stuff till I'm fukked up and can't feel anything anymore and don't give a fuk. this isn't how I want to be, but the harder I try to change the harder it is for me or I feel like I'm going backwards

[wantrepreneur]

the last few days have been a little rough for me. I said goodbye to a close friend that I've known for 10 years who is moving across the country, been drinking every night except Tuesday (lately have only been taking 1 or 2 nights off a week from drinking), I've been a complete fukking arsehole to people lately. I feel like I don't have much more fight left in me and am ready to give up soon. I try and go out and have a good time with friends but when I do go out sometimes I don't even want to be there or I just drink and take stuff till I'm fukked up and can't feel anything anymore and don't give a fuk. this isn't how I want to be, but the harder I try to change the harder it is for me or I feel like I'm going backwards

Quit drinking asap

[Cristoforidream]

the last few days have been a little rough for me. I said goodbye to a close friend that I've known for 10 years who is moving across the country, been drinking every night except Tuesday (lately have only been taking 1 or 2 nights off a week from drinking), I've been a complete fukking arsehole to people lately. I feel like I don't have much more fight left in me and am ready to give up soon. I try and go out and have a good time with friends but when I do go out sometimes I don't even want to be there or I just drink and take stuff till I'm fukked up and can't feel anything anymore and don't give a fuk. this isn't how I want to be, but the harder I try to change the harder it is for me or I feel like I'm going backwards

Let's get to the root cause. Having a friend move so far can be hard because that was the person you relied on and now they're gone. Can you find others to fill the void your friend filled, each person filling a certain need partially that your one friend could fill? Also as long as you have any form of social media or at least a number you can still keep in touch. It won't be the same but at least it's something. Also you have to learn better coping skills instead of numbing yourself so you don't feel miserable. A lot of it is keeping busy and letting time work it's magic. It'll hurt less next week, next month, etc. as this person's absence becomes your new reality.

[JayEs90]

Let's get to the root cause. Having a friend move so far can be hard because that was the person you relied on and now they're gone. Can you find others to fill the void your friend filled, each person filling a certain need partially that your one friend could fill? Also as long as you have any form of social media or at least a number you can still keep in touch. It won't be the same but at least it's something. Also you have to learn better coping skills instead of numbing yourself so you don't feel miserable. A lot of it is keeping busy and letting time work it's magic. It'll hurt less next week, next month, etc. as this person's absence becomes your new reality.

I mean yea it's hard that my friend is gone because she has helped me out a lot in the past few months. always been there for me when I needed someone to talk to, would go out and grab a drink or food with me to get me out of the house. shes actually helped me with my depression and emotions more than any other of my friends. the root cause of all this goes back a long time ago. I feel that at my age I should be farther ahead in life than I am now, was involved in a couple really chitty relationships that fukked me up worse than I already was. plus things from growing up that still hangover me

[Cristoforidream]

I mean yea it's hard that my friend is gone because she has helped me out a lot in the past few months. always been there for me when I needed someone to talk to, would go out and grab a drink or food with me to get me out of the house. shes actually helped me with my depression and emotions more than any other of my friends. the root cause of all this goes back a long time ago. I feel that at my age I should be farther ahead in life than I am now, was involved in a couple really chitty relationships that fukked me up worse than I already was. plus things from growing up that still hangover me

If you need someone to talk to I'm sure me or wantrepreneur can lend an ear. I've been alone and I don't have a lot of friends where I am because most people here and me don't mesh. Being away from someone you mesh with can suck but they're doing what is best for them so it isn't them abandoning you out of malice. And this forum can be an outlet for general stuff and then talk to someone though PM or 7cupsoftea.com when you wanna talk about drugs that aren't allowed on here or just stuff that you think is too personal to share freely. I feel the same way too since I'm a college drop out and I'm working on going back and finishing my degree.I feel so behind and having a twin brother that started college at the same time as me and now just finished his first year of med school makes me feel in adequate. Not everyone has the same challenges and as long as you are better than you were yesterday then that's a win, screw everyone else. I've been involved with crappy people and I wasn't raised the way I needed but here's some positivity your way and the belief that you can make the best of it even though things didn't start off so well. And a brief stint in a mental hospital after a night of binge drinking gone to far isn't nice, though the regular meals are good it kills insurance. Please make sure to update when you want to to make sure you're doing ok.

[Fortitudo]

Well here goes my I hate my life story.

I'm in the Air Force and currently stationed in Louisianna. My life was perfect before this. Before this base I was in Mississippi and met the girl of my dreams and had the greatest year of my life. Had friends/ was well known/ and had the most beautiful girl by my side.
Well that's all gone Now, she's in Oregon and I'm here. I'm here and hating my life. I'm alone everyday and have nothing and nobody. I'm stuck waiting by the phone to Hear ger voice and just dream of when we're together again. I know this sounds weak as phuk, and I agree. But when you meet someone who betters you in every way and look forward to seeing them everyday and then their just ripped out of your life it messes you up.

If you know for sure that you won't be seeing her again or at least for awhile, constantly thinking about her will eventually wear you out, and is in no way a constructive use of your time. You'll only keep feeling worse. I don't really have much advice, since if you're move around a lot, I can't really recommend simply going out and making new friends. Maybe just find ways to keep yourself content with hobbies, and not getting too attached to the people that you meet in the future, which is easier said than done.

Never realised how hard much anxiety multiplies depending who you live with. I'm in a house with 4 other bubbly and loud people and that makes it hard. Ive already been questioned about why I spend so much time in my room.

I just want to be alone with my feelings. Sit in the dark and listen to this song on repeat.

[youtube]WTY7LNCkESc[youtube]

The company you keep definitely has a huge impact on how you feel, regardless of current state of mental health. That being said, it would be just as bad, if not worse to surround yourself with people that also suffer from anxiety, because chances are you wouldn't necessarily have a reason to push yourself to overcome those anxieties, since you'd just get used to it.

Besides the people you live with, what does the rest of your social circle look like? Is it balanced with outgoing as well as somewhat reclusive people? Maybe you could find activities which don't put too much pressure on your anxieties that allow you to spend time with the people that you live with, because from their perspective it's possible that they think you're ignoring them or just don't like them if they're completely unaware of your anxieties.

If you drink AT ALL, quit for at least 3 months and see how you feel.

It's going to get better everyone. Find out what's holding you back in life and cut it out, whether it's toxic peope, bad habits, or a chitty job.

Don't even think twice about it. Find a way to get it out of your life.

I wish you all the best.

This is great advice!

Is there some subforum dedicated to depression/mental health? Not sure I want to post too much about it on Misc.

Not that I'm aware of. But you could always PM someone. I'd assume most people giving advice ITT wouldn't mind.

[ectobruh]

jumping in.

had a hard year and barely getting out of it. think i've been mentally scarred by some of the sh*t i went through

[Cristoforidream]

jumping in.

had a hard year and barely getting out of it. think i've been mentally scarred by some of the sh*t i went through

Care to elaborate so we can help?

[poseidon511]

as long as you are better than you were yesterday then that's a win

This one is going in my favorite quotes of all time list,thanks for this one.

Been keeping busy with a small project which is to clean out my gym/garage. Had to throw out all of my moms crap that she threw in there,old furniture and just a waste of space type of stuff thats in there. I look forward to it,its going to look nice. I will put up mirrors in the walls,posters with my favorite gym quotes and put together the power rack I'm saving up to buy. I already have the rest such as dumbbells and barbells along with a decent amount of weights. Can't wait till it all comes together.

[Ricky_k]

because from their perspective it's possible that they think you're ignoring them or just don't like them if they're completely unaware of your anxieties.

One of the best decisions I made was to just be honest about it. Turns out the guy in my house has had his own experiences with depression and anxiety. He gave me some advice and was okay with me taking time and space as I need it.

So glad i stopped trying to hide it - now i don't have to worry. Feels like massive weight of my chest.

[JayEs90]

I usually don't log on here during the weekend. I started drinking and doing other things last night at like 6:30 and drank till about 2 in the morning. I got chit faced and ended up feeling depressed as fuk most of the night even though I was out with friends. I feel very empty, almost like I'm missing something. it's a nice day outside, I'm not even hungover and I don't even want to go do anything. I hate myself and the way I've become but I don't know how to change. I think I'm just gonna start drinking again and drink until I pass out

[hope27]

I usually don't log on here during the weekend. I started drinking and doing other things last night at like 6:30 and drank till about 2 in the morning. I got chit faced and ended up feeling depressed as fuk most of the night even though I was out with friends. I feel very empty, almost like I'm missing something. it's a nice day outside, I'm not even hungover and I don't even want to go do anything. I hate myself and the way I've become but I don't know how to change. I think I'm just gonna start drinking again and drink until I pass out

The drinking is making everything worse. Can you stop drinking? If it's a nice day, can you call a friend and do something? IMO the alcohol is only making your situation worse.

[GettinSwoleBrah]

I'm so depressed!! I have 8 pack abs and look better than frank zane where the **** is my Bugatti and mansions!! I just feel like I beat life to be honest.

[AppsBrah]

but I don't know how to change.

I think I'm just gonna start drinking again and drink until I pass out

u wot

[TakeTheLift]

Sup brahs.
Just after some advice.
Went to uni and ended up living with some friends who I was in a football (soccer) team with for the final two years after 2 of my housemantes from 1st year dropped out and the other two moved in with others.

Basically, I figured out pretty soon into the 2 years that i didnt wanna really be around them, they were doing all sorts of drugs, and smoked pot every day...but i continued to act friendly and pally etc. Got depressed during the second year as literally couldnt face my family and friends from home, knowing the sort of life i was living at uni. Ended up drinking more often and sometimes joining in with them. They were all nice guys, but had awful habits. Being around them all the time just seriously lowered my energy and gradually sapped all the optimism i identified with from myself.

I passed (two of them failed, both suffered with depression), and have left now and cut ties with them. But yeah, i just feel burned out massively. Sort of like i just dont have the mental energy to hold my focus and concentrate anymore. It's gotten better since leaving, but wondering if anyone knows of things i can do to recover my peace of mind and mental energy. I'm just so fukking lethargic all the time.

[Cristoforidream]

Sup brahs.
Just after some advice.
Went to uni and ended up living with some friends who I was in a football (soccer) team with for the final two years after 2 of my housemantes from 1st year dropped out and the other two moved in with others.

Basically, I figured out pretty soon into the 2 years that i didnt wanna really be around them, they were doing all sorts of drugs, and smoked pot every day...but i continued to act friendly and pally etc. Got depressed during the second year as literally couldnt face my family and friends from home, knowing the sort of life i was living at uni. Ended up drinking more often and sometimes joining in with them. They were all nice guys, but had awful habits. Being around them all the time just seriously lowered my energy and gradually sapped all the optimism i identified with from myself.

I passed (two of them failed, both suffered with depression), and have left now and cut ties with them. But yeah, i just feel burned out massively. Sort of like i just dont have the mental energy to hold my focus and concentrate anymore. It's gotten better since leaving, but wondering if anyone knows of things i can do to recover my peace of mind and mental energy. I'm just so fukking lethargic all the time.

You just need time to heal. Taking a break is nothing to be ashamed of. You got burned out of a crappy situation and it's understandable that you need time to decompress. That degree is gonna be there when you're mentally in a better place to get it. There's really nothing to do other than weight lifting (which I love), reading and playing video games to zone out because sometimes you don't wanna be in your head. After the zoning out help others as best as you can. I've done volunteer work at a nursing home and it's super rewarding to help others. And stay away from alcohol obviously.