The Long Journey to Becoming a "Raw Master"

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Thats what therapist/counselors are for

Right, and I am considering that.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Sunday, October 19, 2014 - Off Day

Overview

Posting this a day late. Not much to say, basically just spent Sunday hanging out with friends and relaxing, and doing some homework. I reached out to our fraternity's Risk Manager about possibly running for that position next semester. It would entail being in charge of reducing risk factors within the house and being the link to the campus police in case anything goes wrong. Also would include me being painfully sober every other party, which would probably be a good thing for me. Idk. Also still trying to get involved with the Big Brothers Big Sisters program.. I'm probably going to CPS today (Monday) to sign up for that. That's about it.

[determined4000]

Right, and I am considering that.

stop thinking
take action

[Reid456]

That's exactly what's running through my mind. Don't think the problem is that I just don't care.... I realize there's a serious problem here and I'm constantly going back and forth on what to do about it. I easily spend hours a day with this plaguing my mind.. this isn't just something I'm blowing off and ignoring, trust me.

I just need people to talk to who completely get where I'm coming from. Don't get me wrong, you guys are extremely helpful and probably even more helpful than the kids at my school. It just seems like everyone there is to talk to about this in my life, isn't going to completely understand where I'm coming from. It would be SO nice and stress-relieving to be able to just sit down and empty my mind in front of someone who actually cares and wants to help and understands me completely. And it's really hard to do that with people online.

Maybe that made no sense, but that's exactly how I'm feeling right now. Just bottling this all up and not talking to anyone about it is getting really old really fast and I want more than anything to resolve this before I hit rock bottom.

I know how you feel. You know whats wrong, and you generally know how to change it, but it still takes a lot of guts and courage to make changes. It's hard even if you know what you need to do.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

stop thinking
take action

Yeah

I know how you feel. You know whats wrong, and you generally know how to change it, but it still takes a lot of guts and courage to make changes. It's hard even if you know what you need to do.

Thank you Reid.... I know if this was someone else's log and it hadn't happened to me, my instinctual response would be to just say "stop drinking, stop pledging, get back to where things were". It takes a lot to look past that and see where I'm coming from and give more in depth help. That's not to say everyone else here hasn't been helpful, and sometimes tough love is what it takes. It's just nice to know someone took the time to really look into what's going on and help out.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

For convenience's sake, I'm going to skip the overviews and just go over training for Monday and Tuesday.

Monday, October 21, 2014 - Chest/Arms Hypertrophy

Training

Incline Bench Press - paused
45 x 5
95 x 5
135 x 5
(175 x 7) x 2
175 x 8
*slow, but steady progress*

Close-Grip Bench Press - TnG, but slow eccentric
(200 x 6) x 3
200 x 7

Pec Deck
(98 x 14) x 2
98 x 20
*realized 98 was easier for me than I thought*

Rope Curls
(90 x 16) x 4

DB Curls - seated
25 x 15
25 x 17
30 x 15

Straight-Bar Pressdown
(70 x 15) x 3



Pretty nice session. Got a really nice arms pump by the end. Boy, did I miss those.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014 - Lower Power

Training

Deadlift
135 x 5
225 x 4
275 x 3
*add belt*
315 x 2
365 x 1
405 x 1 @ 8.5 <-- should've just gone for more reps here and then load dropped
435 x 2 @ 10 <-- ugh
**6% F Load Drop**
380 x 2 @ 10

Low-Bar Squat - feet positioned slightly wider
45 x 6
135 x 5
185 x 4
225 x 3
*add belt*
275 x 3
315 x 4 @ 9 <-- not happy, not super disappointed either
**9% F Load Drop**
285 x 3 @ 9

Stiff-Legged Deadlift
225 x 5
*aggravated my lower back a whole bunch, plus I want to bring up my hammies.. SO*

Romanian Deadlift
(275 x 5) x 3 w/straps

Leg Press - close and low stance, feet out, heavy quad sweep emphasis - pps
(6 x 6) x 2
6 x 10
*I definitely need to go up in weight on this*

Calf Raise
(235 x 10) x 2
235 x 12



Really crappy session. Everything felt really heavy, felt like I had no energy in me.. Sleep needs to improve, diets needs to improve, MOBILITY work (ffs) needs to improve. And just typing that after each bad session to rid myself of guilt isn't going to cut it. I'm GOING to change these things.

I'm really just so sick of having bad sessions.. it's becoming a constant theme and it sucks because the gym is where I'm truly happy. So having consistently bad sessions = a generally bad outlook on life.

ALSO, I need to schedule an appointment to see a back doctor or some general surgeon or PT to look at my sciatica. It hasn't gone away at all, and so I'm pretty concerned it could be a herniated disk.

That's all.

[ErikTheElectric]

Really crappy session. Everything felt really heavy, felt like I had no energy in me.. Sleep needs to improve, diets needs to improve, MOBILITY work (ffs) needs to improve. And just typing that after each bad session to rid myself of guilt isn't going to cut it. I'm GOING to change these things.

I'm really just so sick of having bad sessions.. it's becoming a constant theme and it sucks because the gym is where I'm truly happy. So having consistently bad sessions = a generally bad outlook on life.

ALSO, I need to schedule an appointment to see a back doctor or some general surgeon or PT to look at my sciatica. It hasn't gone away at all, and so I'm pretty concerned it could be a herniated disk.

That's all.

Not to beat a dead horse, but do you think your outside activities and weekend stuff is going to make this any better?

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Not to beat a dead horse, but do you think your outside activities and weekend stuff is going to make this any better?

I know. I've been saying that's something I'm making an effort to fix. I need to be much more serious about it.

[Gett01]

About the sciatica thing, I think I remember saying this a long time ago but you probably don't have a herniated disc, because you would be in pretty severe pain, and deadlifting would be pretty much impossible. Not that I'm an expert or anything...could just be a disc bulge though, or maybe your scoliosis is related somehow.

As far as the crappy sessions, I'm sure outside activities aren't helping, but they may be detracting from your training in a more indirect way too. You have less time to track your diet, which resulted in a much lower carb intake and a loss of 20 lbs during the same time that you were struggling and stalling with your squat for no reason. Seems like a strange coincidence to me.

[psychodiver9]

I know. I've been saying that's something I'm making an effort to fix. I need to be much more serious about it.

Honest answer what effort have you made?

[DJaRiHardstyle]

About the sciatica thing, I think I remember saying this a long time ago but you probably don't have a herniated disc, because you would be in pretty severe pain, and deadlifting would be pretty much impossible. Not that I'm an expert or anything...could just be a disc bulge though, or maybe your scoliosis is related somehow.

As far as the crappy sessions, I'm sure outside activities aren't helping, but they may be detracting from your training in a more indirect way too. You have less time to track your diet, which resulted in a much lower carb intake and a loss of 20 lbs during the same time that you were struggling and stalling with your squat for no reason. Seems like a strange coincidence to me.

Yeah I actually remember you saying that.. idk though, it's not a possibility I'm willing to completely ignore until I see a doctor (Can't seem to find a spine specialist close by so I may have to wait until my next trip back home).

And yeah, trust me I'm with you, I have no doubt in my mind that the combination of drinking excessively, not getting enough sleep, not tracking my macros, not enough mobility work has had an impact on my training.... it's just surprising that the impact is THAT big. But, like I heard somewhere, stress is usually the cherry on top. You don't realize you have all these stressors building up you haven't taken care of and you correlate bad gym sessions with reasons like bad diet, not enough sleep, etc. (which obviously all are contributing) and you forget that those things also elevate stress levels and before you know it, you've completely plateaued or gone down in weight.

Honest answer what effort have you made?

Like I've said, I've been significantly reducing the amount I drink the night before training.. Saturday night was a huge slip-up. I'm not allowed to discuss the circumstance, but it wasn't just a night out. Regardless, those are things that are still under my control.

Ryan, I appreciate the tough love, but there's a point where coming home to notifications on my log knowing it's going to be some harsh criticism on what I'm doing, despite being honest and explaining my efforts to change each time, becomes really old. The occasional "I know things are dark, but keep your head up" or the like mean the world to me.

Honestly, it's reached the point that my professor told me I ask good questions in class today and it was the happiest I've been in a while, because I've gotten no acknowledgements of the positive things I'm doing recently. Not asking anyone to baby me or avoid criticisms with the right intention that I truly deserve.. simply saying I've been repeatedly explaining myself and have not once excused my behavior and still come home to consistently harsh criticisms that generally discuss things I've already gone over.

[determined4000]

but how many times are you gona say you slipped up
its a cycle at this point, not just a couple occurances

and you are surprised that months of poor diet, drinking, lack of sleep etc is catching up with you.
If a few months ago a friend had said they were experieincing type of situation, you would say, "well duh"

You are no different.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Wednesday, October 22, 2014 - Shoulders/Back Hypertrophy
Misc - Letting Things Build Up w/o Talking

Overview

Really didn't feel too great today; I'll go over it in the Misc. Had class, went to a long ass extra credit lecture, trained really late.

Training

Went pretty crappy. Energy levels were shot. I think first and foremost I need to get my sleep back on track. I'm getting like 5 hours of sleep a night, tops.. of course, I nap a lot when I have time, but it just kinda throws me off.

DB Shoulder Press - seated
30 x 20
50 x 8
(70 x 7) x 2
70 x 6
*noticed i was holding the left dumbbell further out in front than the right one, which is really odd*

Cable Lateral Raises - single-arm
18 x 15
(25 x 12) x 2

Lat Pulldown - wide-grip
(118 x 14) x 2
118 x 12
*geez I'm getting weak*

Cable Row - close-grip
(150 x 12) x 2
130 x 16

Face Pulls - sitting on box
(85 x 14) x 3

Standing Cable Crunch
(98 x 10) x 2
*overengaged my rectus femoris* <-- look at me and my A&P knowledge lol



Yup.

Misc

This'll probably be semi-long but I'm going to do my best to keep it short and sweet, cuz it's 11:30pm and I need to shower and fold laundry and do homework. Still, this needs to be said.

So, we've talked a lot about the drinking and its effects on my training. Before I move on, I want to make something absolutely clear. I want badly to go back to breaking PRs in the gym, tracking my macros, building muscle, overall just feeling good. I know for certain that drinking, at least to excess, on a regular basis, is entirely counterproductive to those goals. I know what needs to be done and I'm going to make changes, mark my words. Obviously I haven't had a chance to prove that since Saturday's episode, simply because I haven't drank since then, but I will prove it. While I understand that everyone giving me tough love is doing it out of good intentions and no one, hopefully, is trying to be an a-hole or anything, there's a point where it's unnecessary. I've said numerous times that I want to change things and I've been changing things. Telling me "drinking is counterproductive to your goals" or "do you really think you can get hammered every weekend and keep up this lifestyle?" isn't telling me anything new and is of no help. I've already agreed to these things, and it's missing the problem entirely.

With that out of the way, there's much more on my mind, stressing me out, than that. As anyone who's been following my log knows, I'm a pretty introverted individual. I wouldn't call myself socially inept, though, and I actually not only feel comfortable, but enjoy talking with close friends. What I don't enjoy, nor am I too great at, is being social in a large group, which is essentially what a fraternity is, a social club. It's the aspect of pledging that's the hardest for me. Honestly, if I had a group of close guy friends already, I would've dropped pledging a while ago. Really, the main reason I'm doing this is to form a bond with people I can hopefully get along with and become friends with. For one reason or another, nearly all my friends here are girls. I wouldn't say I'm very effeminate, but maybe there's something about me that makes me get along better with girls, and in fact, in high school, all my friends were guys, idk. Either way, having only girl friends doesn't cut it at all.

So the problem is, I feel completely disconnected from my pledge class. I talk to a lot of the pledges and brothers, but it's mainly just small talk, and for the rest of them, our social interaction is limited to the occasional "what's up". When we're in large groups, I have trouble speaking up, because I completely overanalyze things and worry that what I say isn't going to make sense or be funny or whatever, so I'm generally ignored by others, more or less. It's a problem that goes way beyond "well, just speak up". I think it's pretty clear I have problems with social anxiety; I had them back in high school as well. It's just tough because I don't feel like I fit in with these kids. There's only really one other pledge who's as quiet as me (granted, there's only 17 kids in our whole pledge class), and at least he was close friends with another kid in the class before he even rushed. Almost everyone was close with someone else in the class before rushing, come to think of it.

It just sort of made me think what really are the benefits of going through with this? I've gotta finish up homework and sleep, but I'll talk more about it tomorrow.

[determined4000]

sounds like you are coming to your sense
Glad to hear it

[ErikTheElectric]

sounds like you are coming to your sense
Glad to hear it

This.


Got a very good feeling reading tonights post, Ari. Made me smile. Now comes the true battle..

[DJaRiHardstyle]

sounds like you are coming to your sense
Glad to hear it

This.


Got a very good feeling reading tonights post, Ari. Made me smile. Now comes the true battle..

Thanks guys

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Thursday, October 23, 2014 - Off Day

Overview

So I'm posting this a day late. We had an event last night and yes I did drink. Even though I went about it in a more mature manner than almost everyone else, let's just leave it at: it wasn't just some social event where you drink for fun. The upside is that after next weekend, we'll be initiated and we won't have these events anymore and so it'll be a million times easier to stay sober.

I already know I'm going to get a bunch of negative posts about this, and that's fine. Honestly, I need to come into both situations with the right mindset. I shouldn't constantly have the worry on my mind that oh no, I'm going to have to tell this to everyone on the forums who still follows me. My reasoning for living a moderate life should be to make myself happy, not to please others.

So say what you will. I want more than anything to get a hold of this and I'm going to be reaching out to our counseling services once they're open. That's about it. I'll be training legs later tonight (Friday) so that I'll have recovered better beforehand.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Friday, October 24, 2014 - Legs Hypertrophy

Overview

Day late, go figure. Just gonna crank this out so I can get my upper power session in.

Friday was alright. Didn't eat as much as I'd like, but whenever I have those days, I prioritize protein (aka I don't just snack on cookies and pop tarts, I snack on protein bars, protein shakes, milk, meat, eggs, etc.).

So, in case you guys don't know, I have 2 weeks left of pledging today (the 8th and 9th are going to be day-long initiation events and the week before is Hell week), so after that I'm really looking forward to being much more flexible with my time, putting more time into my diet, training, sleep, and studying. I talked about this on TBB and someone who was in a frat talked about "being that brother who has his goals in sight and prioritizes them over getting hammered" and how that's the brother everyone truly looks up to. I'm seriously optimistic about making this work for me, not against me. I have too many reasons not to drop pledging right now. No doubt, this is a new chapter to my life and is definitely not something too many introverts would throw themselves at, but hopefully it'll make a man out of me.

Training

Let's just leave it at.. because of an event the night prior, I had very little energy in me for this session. Still pushed it hard, but the deficit deadlifts just weren't happening.

High-Bar Squat
45 x 6
135 x 5
185 x 5
(225 x 8) x 4

Deficit Deadlift - off 35 lb. bumper
135 x 4
225 x 4
315 x 5 w/straps <-- exhausted

Leg Extensions - single-leg
75 x 12
(60 x 15) x 2

Lying Leg Curl
(118 x 12) x 3
105 x 12

Calf Raise
(215 x 15) x 3



That's that.

Also, seriously considering switch to training every day during the week and taking off the weekends. It would be the same split, just it would allow me to take the weekends a bit easier, which does not mean get hammered on the weekends. Means if I decide to have some fun at our parties, it won't kill me.

I understand that to excel at anything in life, you have to make hard choices and sometimes things like regular partying and drinking simply don't fit into the agenda of someone who wants to be the best powerlifter or bodybuilder or basketball player or whatever. At the same time, the story of my life as of now is not just one chapter titled "Bodybuilding" or "Powerlifting". There's another chapter to my life where my introversion and obsessive personality have gotten in the way of me making serious friendships or having much of a social life at all. As I've matured, I've realized that's something that needs to be taken care of too. Just know that I know that this fraternity does not define me.. the decisions I make in life do. I have no plans on ever giving up on lifting. Instead I'm going to try and use this to better myself in all fields.

If you're reading this, thanks for sticking with me even when it seems like I'm just another kid on the forums ready to give up.

[psychodiver9]

Glad to hear you're opento counseling big step

[ErikTheElectric]

If you're reading this, thanks for sticking with me even when it seems like I'm just another kid on the forums ready to give up.

That's the thing, Ari.




You're not just "some kid". It sounds so cliche, but every soul in this world is truly unique and indifferent in our own way. We all have different qualities and characteristics that make us who we are. You are talented in many different aspects of life, and you should be damn proud of yourself. We also ALL have faults and weaknesses the key is NOT LETTING THEM DEFINE US, and also not letting them get us down when they do pop up.

I'm glad that you're thinking positive and that you're learning to trust yourself.
That's a big step.


Hopefully you've had a good weekend.
I'm always here for support if needed.

[determined4000]

Glad to hear you're opento counseling big step

being open to it and actually going are two different things

[psychodiver9]

being open to it and actually going are two different things

Agree but in the past he's said he woulnt hopefully not lip service but track record of follow through isn't good still talking about cutting back drinking perhaps an AA meeting?

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Glad to hear you're opento counseling big step

Absolutely, Ryan.

That's the thing, Ari
You're not just "some kid". It sounds so cliche, but every soul in this world is truly unique and indifferent in our own way. We all have different qualities and characteristics that make us who we are. You are talented in many different aspects of life, and you should be damn proud of yourself. We also ALL have faults and weaknesses the key is NOT LETTING THEM DEFINE US, and also not letting them get us down when they do pop up.

I'm glad that you're thinking positive and that you're learning to trust yourself.
That's a big step.


Hopefully you've had a good weekend.
I'm always here for support if needed.

That meant a whole lot, Erik.. I honestly just want to get back to that place where life was about lifting, eating, grades, and doing my best to just feel good.. and then on top of that, I want to improve my social life. I think I'm realizing, maybe for the better, that pledging, at least this fraternity, has not helped me with that final aspect. What it truly takes is finding like-minded kids (had I rushed more places and gone to more formal rush events, maybe I could've done this better, who knows) who have similar goals and interests, and I think I can do that.

The one thing getting me through all this is the saying that Nothing in life is quite as important as you think it is while you're thinking about it. (gonna put that in my sig in a second lol). Resolvable issues tend to work out for the better, as long as you truly care about changing them.

being open to it and actually going are two different things

I know

Agree but in the past he's said he woulnt hopefully not lip service but track record of follow through isn't good still talking about cutting back drinking perhaps an AA meeting?

Read my update tonight, hopefully you'll like it.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Saturday, October 25, 2014 - Upper Power

Overview

Going to be posting for both Saturday and Sunday, so quick overview for Saturday and I'll put everything into Sunday. Basically tried to do some studying, got a costume for my mixer that night, drank but much more responsibly than I have been. Put some serious thought into the idea of dropping pledging (more on this in Sunday's update).

Training

Bench Press - paused
45 x 26
95 x 5
135 x 5
185 x 3
225 x 2
245 x 4 @ 9
**6% F Load Drop**
230 x 5 @ 9

Overhead Press - no TnG (paused is a weird word for OHP)
45 x 5
75 x 5
105 x 3
140 x 3 @ 9
**9% F Load Drop**
125 x 4 @ 9

Weighted Pull-Ups
(30 x 5) x 4
BW x 10
*easy stuff*

EZ-Bar Curl - assuming 25 lb. bar
85 x 8
(85 x 7) x 2
65 x 10

Rope Pressdown
(58 x 10) x 2

Face Pulls
(90 x 12) x 2
90 x 20



Yep.

Sunday, October 26, 2014 - Off Day
Misc - Taking Things Seriously Again?

Overview

Woke up pretty late, tried to keep my diet on point, but it was hard. Tried to get a lot of studying in, but it was hard. Lol the struggles. Big anatomy exam tomorrow, not quite sure I'm ready yet, so I'm cramming to make sure I've got everything down pat.

Misc

I don't need to introduce the issue, because anyone who's following me knows what's going on. It's become pretty obvious to me that all I'm doing is making excuses to myself for not dropping pledging. We're only two weeks from initiation and I'm finding that it's still a surrounding where I don't feel as though I can really connect with the other kids, I'm spending a LOT of time and money on something that I'm seeing little payout for as of yet, and I feel like I'm almost completely detached from the life I've worked so hard to live. Partying, drinking, it's fun, no doubt.. But every single weekend is becoming excessive and I don't think I'm in an environment where others practice moderation because they have other goals that are more important to them, and the lack of that environment has caused me to act likewise.

Quite honestly, it's not a lifestyle that suits me. It's been a good run, but I think it's time I prioritize my goals again, and I don't think being part of this fraternity is going to be helpful in that aspect. I e-mailed the director of our interfraternity council and will hopefully be setting up a meeting with him soon to make sure this is the right move. Even if I drop, there's always the option of rushing in the spring and taking rush events more seriously to hopefully find a fraternity where I can seriously connect with the brothers.

At the end of the day, I'm tired of watching videos of powerlifting and bodybuilding and missing that part of my life. Ffs, I'm only 19 years old, I've devoted so much of the past couple years to gaining strength and size and having this become my life, I've come too far to give up now just to have guaranteed alcohol on the weekend to abuse with kids I hardly even connect with. All it does is make it harder to diet and train and take other aspects of my life seriously.

Here's what I need to remind myself, and hell I'll come back and read this paragraph if I start to doubt this decision: Right now, dropping pledging seems like the obvious decision and I feel extremely optimistic about it, but that's going to eventually die out. I may very well wake up tomorrow morning and have breakfast with a bunch of the pledges and have a great conversation and then, low and behold, decide in my head that "hell, maybe I was being a little aggressive.. let's just go through with this". But I can't do that. The reason I'm in this predicament is that I've constantly let those thoughts cloud my mind. I've constantly made excuses as to why I should stick with this. But at the end of the day, the reasons to end this far outweigh the reasons to keep going.

This is going to be an extremely difficult decision to actually carry out, but it's going to be one that marks how I live the rest of my life. Not because a couple years of more optimal training and dieting are going to drastically change who I am (although maybe they will, lol, who knows?), but because life is full of tests and difficult choices, and my success in life, my happiness, my character and how people perceive me.. that's all dependent on my ability to say "Okay, as much as this choice is going to bring me infinitely more short term pleasure.. the other choice, the harder choice, is going to make me happier in the long run". This is how I will go on to make further choices in my life as an adult, this is how people will view me, and this is even how my kids may eventually look up to me and learn from me. I just HAVE to accept that I'm not living in some bubble where I can go around doing whatever I find to be enjoyable at that exact second, and that life is scattered with things we have to do, but don't want to do.

Please stick with me, guys. I'm not giving up on the title of this log this early. We're still on a journey, no matter how rough the path, how many twists and turns we take, to bettering ourselves.

[Gett01]

Woah where'd that 140x3 OHP come from??? And good to see you have made up your mind about what you want to do. I think you're a lot more mature than most people on our campus, because like you said, they just lack goals. There's nothing wrong with letting loose and having some fun, but that bubble that you talk about is consuming way too many people on our campus, and I'm sure at other colleges as well. And when those people graduate, they'll hit a big wall when they realize real life is a whole lot bigger and tougher than doing whatever you want at college.

Staying in for big pressing and big decisions.

[determined4000]

I really am dumb struck as to why you havent dropped pledging
it has made your life only worse

its like I have been placing my hand on this hot iron for 2 months and it really really really hurts nd I hate it and my hand s becoming deformed
but I only need to do it for 1 more week to complete the challenge
if I finish, I get to place my hand on it even longer-->what a great payoff

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Woah where'd that 140x3 OHP come from??? And good to see you have made up your mind about what you want to do. I think you're a lot more mature than most people on our campus, because like you said, they just lack goals. There's nothing wrong with letting loose and having some fun, but that bubble that you talk about is consuming way too many people on our campus, and I'm sure at other colleges as well. And when those people graduate, they'll hit a big wall when they realize real life is a whole lot bigger and tougher than doing whatever you want at college.

Staying in for big pressing and big decisions.

Much appreciated Robert.. It was by no stretch of the imagination an easy decision.. And a lot of people are telling me it's not the right one, but it all comes down to prioritizing what we want out of life. The nature of life is that there will always be people who don't understand why you would choose to remove yourself from a social setting like that just to focus on more internal passions.

I really am dumb struck as to why you havent dropped pledging
it has made your life only worse

I literally said in the last post that I'm dropping pledging.... Maybe read the whole thing before you hop up onto your soap box?

its like I have been placing my hand on this hot iron for 2 months and it really really really hurts nd I hate it and my hand s becoming deformed
but I only need to do it for 1 more week to complete the challenge
if I finish, I get to place my hand on it even longer-->what a great payoff

I'm honestly just getting so sick of these. The past 5 or so weeks have been a constant emotional rollercoaster where I've finally felt like my social life was coming together, the weekends were fun again, I was meeting new people, making new connections, filling time that would've been spent just sitting at my computer.. And then out of all that I make the decision to throw it away, at least for the time being, so I can focus on something that's not going to be as enjoyable in the short term, but will benefit me greatly in the long term.
And then I come home to posts essentially saying "wow ur stupid, stop pledging, start lifting". Which is strange, because although you've always kept it real, you usually give really in-depth advice that's not just your gut instinct to hearing what you just heard, but rather is an open-minded answer that was created by looking at the issue from a variety of ways.

[hostelmaniac]

I think we are all just sick of the bull**** Ari

It's been week after week of this crap

Determined meant he is dumb struck as to why you havent dropped pledging way before now

[DJaRiHardstyle]

I think we are all just sick of the bull**** Ari

It's been week after week of this crap

Determined meant he is dumb struck as to why you havent dropped pledging way before now

So no response to anything I've actually said on the matter? Just your response to the issue at face value?

[DJaRiHardstyle]

To reiterate, I know I write walls of text, but I don't say anything more than what I want to say, meaning everything in what I wrote is important to understanding where I'm coming from.

In closing, if you don't want to read my entire log update on the issue, chances are your response to the issue won't be based on the facts, but rather your interpretation of the issue without knowing what's truly going on.

Kinda like attending a college course for a semester, just sorta glancing at the slides every now and then, and then taking the final and expecting to do well by just answering the questions based off intuition.