The Long Journey to Becoming a "Raw Master"

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Lol my bad, that was a typo...I meant that crazy 485 lift

No worries man, I knew what you meant.. although on that day, I probably couldn't pull more than 385 anyways. My lifting is just all over the place.

10k challenge
My advice: plan well

Have you done it?

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Saturday, January 3, 2015 - HIIT

Just realized I've been putting "2014".... it's gonna take a while lol.

Diet

Ended up just under my macros, which is awesome. Breakfast was like 10 oz chicken breast fajita strips, a BBQ chicken lean pocket, and a chocolate muffin. My diet's usually terrible on the weekends. During the week, I'll get a bunch of whole micronutrient-dense foods, veggies, not a lot of processed crap, etc. But during the weekends, all hell breaks loose. Not really sure why. My mom's house is a lot more lenient though.

Sleep/Mobility Work

Woke up at like 1pm. I'm so sick of that, yet I never get tired at night, it's getting really annoying. Back at school, I was tired all the time. Here, I feel like some super bored, super caffeinated, ADHD freak. Tonight, all electronics off before 1am. I'd say midnight, but that's just unrealistic, considering it's 11:30 and I haven't even worked on my story today.

Was going to get in mobility work at the gym after my HIIT today, but on the weekends my mom insists on coming with me and then rushes me, so I don't have time. That said, I could easily have done it back at home. Also, I'm noticing my knees are feeling really sore and they had been feeling better and better. The only variable I can think to attribute to that is that I did the leg press yesterday for the first time in over a week. It's right at the patellofemoral regions.. just feels extremely tight and sore.

Misc

Like I said, didn't get any work done on the story yet today. Definitely need to just crank out the rest of the outline and get going on the first draft before I lose motivation again.

Watched Gone Girl tonight.. really wasn't a fan. I hadn't read the book. The plot was interesting and all, but the dialogue was so corny and cliche and the ending killed it for me. May watch Guardians of the Galaxy soon cuz that's on our Fios library and I seem to be the only person in the world who hasn't seen it.

That's about it.. gotta plan for this 10k challenge my friend and I are doing on Monday or Tuesday lol.

Training

Did my usual stationary bike HIIT routine at the gym, followed by DCS on the Standing Calf Raise with the smallest amount of weight possible (20 lbs.) for 100 reps (5 sets of 20), with focus on completely shortening the calf muscles.

[Reid456]

Just got back to having a computer for the first time in 3 weeks, which was nice. But it was great to meet you and train with you. It was really refreshing training with someone younger who reminded me of myself at that age. At 19 I was unstoppable and passionate, and somehow I feel like I lost a bit of that the past couple years.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Just got back to having a computer for the first time in 3 weeks, which was nice. But it was great to meet you and train with you. It was really refreshing training with someone younger who reminded me of myself at that age. At 19 I was unstoppable and passionate, and somehow I feel like I lost a bit of that the past couple years.

It was awesome meeting you too. And yeah I definitely have some of that in me from time to time. Hit me up whenever you're in the area!

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Sunday, January 4, 2015 - Upper 15-20

Weight:
192

Diet

Really happy about how much weight I've dropped staying on what was calculated as my "maintenance" calories. So far, I've lost 6 pounds all the while staying on or near my TDEE. I also feel like I look noticeably leaner, and my dad even mentioned that I do. Not lean yet, but leaner than I was. Interested to see how far this cut takes me before I start noticing lack of energy and strength, at which point I'll try my best to ball park reverse diet while in college so I can keep my bf down while hopefully increasing size, strength, metabolism, energy, etc.

As I'm logging this, I'm only at 241c/60f/144p. I'm gonna get a protein shake in before I go to bed, but not too worried about being low on the other two, as tomorrow there is going to be no shortage of food lol.

I have a relatively small appetite, so 10,000 calories is going to be a huge shock to my system. The masochistic side of me is actually looking forward more to seeing how bloated I get, how much my stomach hurts, and how much I'm sweating by the end of the day, than I am for the tasty foods I'm gonna eat. I've planned out what I need to, and can realistically, eat to hit the 10k calories, and I've made sure there's plenty of assortment, so there's no points where I'm going through 20 donuts or anything like that. I'm doing that not only so I don't get bored of the foods and my taste buds don't, but so that the video is at least a little more entertaining.

I'm more than likely not going to be filming myself actually eating or vlogging or anything like that because, no offense to anyone who's done it, but I find it to be a little over the top. When someone like Furious Pete or Matt Stonie does it, it's cool just because of how effortlessly they put down such massive amounts of food, but when some random youtuber does it, it's just something I find myself skipping past.

Told my dad my friend's going to be coming over to do this, and he's hugely against this. Granted, this is coming from a guy who doesn't "believe" in IIFYM and thinks Gatorade gives you ADHD (Don't get me wrong, I love him and look up to him like crazy, but he doesn't know his nutrition as well as he thinks). He just thinks it's abusing your body and a waste of time and "when I was younger, we breathed in the air and played in the mud I tell you h'wat".



Sleep/Mobility Work

Woke up at 1:30pm. Golly gosh darnit consarnit gee willikers.... Well tonight's gonna be different, cuz I have to be up early tomorrow anyway so my friend and I can get a headstart on this challenge.

Actually got in a quick mobility work circuit today just cuz I had time on my hands. Did some basic foam rolling, calf stretches, and of course a bunch of other stretches at the gym.

Misc

May actually scrap this idea and think of something else before I go to bed. This just turned out to be some gory, gruesome torture novel and while the plot actually worked well, it wasn't something I'd feel proud of. As much as I love gory, gruesome torture movies, it just doesn't work in a novel, at least not with my lack of writing expertise.. it just ended up being unnecessary violence with a side of subplot. Gotta find another idea. This is frustrating, but I know I want whatever I get to work on to be something I'm happy and hopeful about.

That's about it, really. Oh, and I spent the last couple hours cleaning my room. Clean room, clean mind you know? Also just kept me from being a slob for a couple hours.

Training

Was going to just deload today, but I can't do that lol. Can't just go in and half-ass a training session. So instead, I tried to keep everything moderately light and spend more time focusing on MMC. I love those kinda training sessions.. I just shut out everything else, and sometimes even close my eyes (Bryce Lewis recommends this for bodybuilding), and just focus completely on the contractions, keeping control of the weights, and almost being at peace with the pain. If I'm able to shut enough out, I can sometimes put myself in this state where the pain no longer hurts, allowing me to achieve true muscular failure and not just mental failure.

That's most people's biggest problem, in my opinion, when they try to build muscle. Especially with how popular powerlifting has become, it seems to be all about speed and strength and progressive overload. In reality, there's a whole 'nother concept related to hypertrophy that revolves around being one with your body.. Kind of just having so much spatial awareness and control over your body that you are building muscles with your mind.

As Schwarzenegger puts it so beautifully, with his foreign speech mishaps and all:

"It is The mind that really creates the body, it is the mind that makes you really work the 4 or 5 hours a day. It is the mind that visualizes of what the body are to look like as the finished product."

Ah. Oh yes, the training session.

Btw, really don't like the new bars at our gym. They don't rotate within the weights, which makes them extremely awkward to lift, as the natural turning of the plates yanks on the bar as well, adding another force you have to work against.

Bench Press - TnG
45 x 20
95 x 10
135 x 5
(165 x 15) x 2
165 x 14

DB Curls - seated
30 x 18
(30 x 14) x 2
20 x 20

Lat Pulldown
(99 x 18) x 2
(99 x 20 w/straps) x 2
110 x 20 w/straps

Pec Deck
120 x 20
120 x 18
*left pec started to act up, so I stopped*

Straight-Bar Pressdown
66 x 18
77 x 5
^dropset 66 x 10
*shoulder started to act up, so I stopped*

DB Lateral Raises - seated
15 x 18
17.5 x 18
20 x 14 --> Shoulder Presses w/20 x 14 --> lateral raises weightless x 14 --> SP weightless x 14
*that killed my shoulders, got a sick pump though*

Face Pulls - sitting on box
(38.5 x 15) x 3 <-- different weight system lol



Probably not gonna have time to get in my DCS for calves today.

[ErikTheElectric]

Stoked to see you do the 10k.


Pictures at least?

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Stoked to see you do the 10k.


Pictures at least?

Oh I'm gonna get video, don't you worry lol.

[ErikTheElectric]

I'm more than likely not going to be filming myself actually eating or vlogging or anything like that because, no offense to anyone who's done it, but I find it to be a little over the top. When someone like Furious Pete or Matt Stonie does it, it's cool just because of how effortlessly they put down such massive amounts of food, but when some random youtuber does it, it's just something I find myself skipping past.
.

???


Did you also skip past my video? lol

[DJaRiHardstyle]

???


Did you also skip past my video? lol

Well yea I usually skip past the parts where people are actually eating the food, but, like I said

no offense to anyone who's done it

lol

[ErikTheElectric]

*shrug*


When is it going down?

[DJaRiHardstyle]

*shrug*


When is it going down?

Slowly, but surely making my way to the finish line. I still have quite a bit more food to go. Can't say it hasn't been interesting, but one thing I've learned today is that I'm definitely not cut out to be a competitive eater.

Me right now:

[sonnydfrizzy]

^^^^ Big Ramy is GOAT youtuber for me to watch. I love the Del ray misfits haha

Hey man, just wanted to say I read every single one of your posts thoroughly, and while I may not have time to chime in, I am following along and I am very intruiged by your thoughts and goals, and how you are progressing.

Keep up the good work man and learn how to ENJOY the process. Or else, you will never be truly satisfied in your current state.

[hostelmaniac]

^^^^ Big Ramy is GOAT youtuber for me to watch. I love the Del ray misfits haha

[ErikTheElectric]

in4 MFP diary post.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

^^^^ Big Ramy is GOAT youtuber for me to watch. I love the Del ray misfits haha

Hey man, just wanted to say I read every single one of your posts thoroughly, and while I may not have time to chime in, I am following along and I am very intruiged by your thoughts and goals, and how you are progressing.

Keep up the good work man and learn how to ENJOY the process. Or else, you will never be truly satisfied in your current state.

Much appreciated, man. The beauty of this sport and lifestyle is living the journey, not arriving at the destination. Learning how to have passion and commitment for the sport, while living in moderation and enjoying life.

My thoughts exactly.

in4 MFP diary post.

Ehhhhhhh

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Monday, January 5, 2015 - Off Day, 10K Calorie Challenge Attempt

Diet

You'll see in the video, but just take my word for it, it felt awful. Sickest I've felt in a while.

Sleep/Mobility Work

Woke up at 8:30am for the challenge, but at night, it threw my sleep off hard. Got no mobility work done, very unproductive day.

Misc

All day, my friend and I just ate. Also watched half of Paranormal Activity 4: The Marked Ones and it was pretty bad, as if I expected anything more. There's rarely any potential with these jump scare movies, although V/H/S 1 and 2 were pretty good.

Need to buy textbooks soon.

Didn't get any cardio done. I honestly think I could've fit a little bit more food in had I hit some serious cardio, but it's whatever.



And without further adieu

[hostelmaniac]

pea-can




really....

[DJaRiHardstyle]

pea-can




really....

Sorry not all of us are so used to having nuts in our mouths.

[hostelmaniac]

Sorry not all of us are so used to having nuts in our mouths.

well you aint wrong


so aweir us what it's like....

[JSClen]

not sure why you guys are doing a 10K cal challenge, but I don't really need a reason. More power to you! Here is my favorite eating competition ever:

[DJaRiHardstyle]

well you aint wrong


so aweir us what it's like....

Ayyyyyyyy

not sure why you guys are doing a 10K cal challenge, but I don't really need a reason. More power to you! Here is my favorite eating competition ever:

[youtube]XqcKxP0KAgc[/yo]

That was actually pretty funny

[connorpat1995]

Kenny vs Spenny it GOAT

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Kenny vs Spenny it GOAT

That was the first time I've seen it. Heard about it a while ago and just never gave it a chance. Just finished up binge watching some Kroll Show.... Now that is GOAT.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Tuesday, January 6, 2015 - Off Day

Diet

Diet was actually terrible today. My plan was to just go for my 230g of protein and try to keep my carbs and fat as low as possible to reduce as much of the damage from yesterday as possible. So I just had some greek yogurts, protein bars, grilled cheese we made at Angelica's house, chili meat, and a protein shake lol. And some small carb sources on top of that. Definitely didn't hit my protein intake though and definitely didn't go as low with carbs and fat as I had liked, nor did I make an effort to include micronutrient dense foods, aside from like one serving of broccoli. Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Tomorrow things are back to normal, no questions asked.

Sleep/Mobility Work

Woke up around 9am, because I had a PT appointment today, my first ever PT session. Felt really groggy and out of it for most of the morning because of the NyQuil and painkillers and ZMA I took before bed (10k calorie challenge = RIP Ari), but snapped out of it after I had had enough coffee in my system. Honestly, that's starting to be a slight problem and so this week-long cycle off of stims after I finish my C4 is going to be nice. I just barely start to feel anything at 300mg caffeine now. That's not terrible, but it's a slippery slope, so might as well reduce caffeine dependency when I can. Besides, if I have to only go a week without stims to save me from having to spend ridiculous amounts on pre-workouts just to function in the gym, I'm doing that.

PT session was nice. The PT measured my legs and noticed my left leg is a centimeter longer than my right, so she had me put a lift in my right shoe that I have to put into whatever shoe I'm wearing to see if that helps the bulging disc at all. Also, contrary to what I had been thinking, she said my mobility work should be focused mainly on extension, not flexion. During lumbar extension, the disc separates from the sciatic nerve, so if I can work on that, I can help ease the pain and slide that nerve out a little. That's a little unfortunate, though, because I was hoping to combat this APT at the same time, to prevent me from getting what my dad got from it (FAI and labral tear), but I guess I just need to prioritize now.

She also did a bunch of massage work, which opened up my back all nice and good. Damn, if she could just do that on me for an hour before and after each training session, I'd be good.

I have another appointment next week. Until then, just gotta see if the lift and the standard mobility exercises help out at all.

Misc

Got a bunch of snow today, and this was my first time really driving in it. I've driven in snow before, but never snow like this (it wasn't much, but since I don't have my own car, my dad has usually taken over whenever it snows hard). Went to hang out with Angelica, and the good old V4 Eco Boost engine was having a lot of problems moving the poor front-drive Explorer (terrible combo, good thing we don't live in the northeast). I stalled out in front of her house and had to swerve backwards to drive down the icy hill with cars parked on both sides.... 'bout gave me a heart attack lol.

But yeah, didn't do much else. Binge watched Kroll Show, delayed this textbook buying (my mom won't get back to me on whose money is going into this, so I can't buy them yet, which is annoying), still nervous about not having a 4th class for next semester yet, and nervous about the campus rec director not getting back to me about stuff for the PL team. Wheeeeeew, deep breaths.

Didn't get in any cardio, but I sincerely wanted to, just didn't know of a way to get to the gym without going through a bunch of roads that naturally dip down and would be just asking for pile-ups (one of which was actually closed), so that didn't happen. But that's a pansy excuse, I have a stationary bike and erg machine in my house. It's just insanely hard to get into the mindset of doing HIIT when it's right there, plus it's in the sun room where my dad and step-mom were working all day.

Tomorrow is 15-20 rep deficit deadlifts and squats. Thinking about trying an AMRAP set with my bodyweight on squats.. just something to push me to break a high rep PR, because I rarely get those.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Wednesday, January 7, 2015 - Lower 15-20

Diet

Diet actually wasn't bad today. Only managed to hit like 190g protein, but ish happens. There was honestly nothing in my house I could use to fill it, unless I wanted to sacrifice protein for Thurs and Fri. Got like 3 servings of veggies though, bunch of whole foods, etc.

Sleep/Mobility Work

Woke up at like 10:30, had a doctor's appointment at 11:30, where I ended up getting my flu shot (more on that shortly). Feeling pretty tired right now, and it's like 11:20pm, so I'll definitely be in bed well before 1am. Fixing my sleep schedule has proven to be much more of a process than I had anticipated.

Went through the exercises my PT wants me doing everyday. They're not terrible, for the most part, but the Superman one is really difficult. Also did more warm-ups than usual at the gym, because my left hip has been bothering me for some reason, on top of the usual sciatica pain. Also, knees feeling sore.

Misc

So I ended up getting my flu shot at the doctor's today, which wasn't the reason for going there (I had been getting frequent sinus problems in college.... jeez, for someone so interested in health, I'm a mess). So after that, I had been feeling more and more sluggish and feverish throughout the day and just never added things up. I felt, and feel, extremely sensitive to the cold, and my body just feels weak.. basically exactly what I feel the day before the fever hits. So, spoiler alert, the training session was awful and I had to cut it early.

That's really about it. Wish I didn't place that policy of not going into personal matters, because there are some serious personal matters within my family, but a rule is rule. I'll just leave it at.... my mindset has been really screwed up since I got home, and I don't think I've gotten the relief from stress I thought this break would bring.

Training

As I said, it went terribly. Before my dad even picked me up for the gym, I was feeling lethargic and my head was even starting to hurt. Took 2 scoops of C4, reacted to it stronger than I ever do (insane beta alanine itches, crazy uncomfortable caffeine rush, etc.... basically consistent with the hypersensitivity to stimuli I had been getting from this fever), and ended up burning out at the gym, really bad.

Deficit Deadlift - off 35 lb. bumper
135 x 5
225 x 4
315 x 10 w/straps @ 9
(315 x 10) x 2 @ 9 <-- actually felt stronger w/o straps
315 x 8 @ 9
*RPEs were weird b/c my conditioning kept failing on me way before my strength did*

Low-Bar Squat
45 x 10
135 x 4
(185 x 15) x 2 @ 9



What sucks is that I actually felt pretty strong on the deficit deadlifts, and, under normal circumstances, easily could've set a high rep PR, maybe even gotten 15 reps with 315 (I definitely felt strong enough to).

It was right after my last set of squats, though, (I was going to do more sets) that things got really bad. Really bad headache just flared up, my vision got worse, I was extremely short of breath, and honestly felt like I was going to faint. Had to go to the bathroom and cup my hands around my mouth for 10 minutes to control the oxygen coming into my brain. Then laid on the stretching table trying to calm down for another 10 minutes. After that, I just grabbed my stuff and took a shower and got out of there.

REALLY hoping a lot of rest, Vit C, water, etc. tonight will help me feel better tomorrow. I got this flu shot to prevent me from feeling like this ffs -_-

[ErikTheElectric]

My 0.02$ for the challenge:

1. Started out strong, but bread + oats wasn't the greatest choice. Some of the most filling carb options
2. More Liquid calories
3. Spread the intake out if you can't handle that much food in a sitting
4. More PB, More fat


Otherwise, good job. You got further than I thought.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

My 0.02$ for the challenge:

1. Started out strong, but bread + oats wasn't the greatest choice. Some of the most filling carb options
2. More Liquid calories
3. Spread the intake out if you can't handle that much food in a sitting
4. More PB, More fat


Otherwise, good job. You got further than I thought.

Some good points there.. if I do end up retrying it, I'll take those into consideration. And coming from someone who hit almost 2x as much as me with ease, that means a lot lol. Thanks

[DJaRiHardstyle]

Thursday, January 8, 2015 - Upper 1-5

Diet

Diet went pretty well. Got over 200g protein, which is quickly becoming my new goal lol. Kept carbs and fat a little bit under, which I normally try to do, to take into account oils used on foods I didn't cook, miscalculations, condiments I forgot to count, etc.

Managing to get in my veggies much better than I have been. Getting about 3 servings a day. I should also get more fruits into my diet.

Sleep/Mobility Work

Woke up at 9:30 and felt like CRAP. My body felt weak as hell, sore in strange places (bad neck crick all day), and head was killing me, so I wanted to lay back down and sleep a bit more, but all those pains kept me uncomfortable and unable to sleep. It's been like that all day.... I rarely get flu shots, but when I do, they usually don't hit me quite this hard. Feels terrible, like a legit flu itself.

Mobility work was minimal at best, and everything is feeling sore. I'm almost unable to bend over today; it's that bad. I'm really hoping this is all just a quick fever from the flu shot, but only time will tell.

Misc

Got to train with one of the brothers in my fraternity who happens to live nearby, which was cool. Got some Elevation Burger with my dad and brother. Things have just been very blah recently.

Also, finally ordered my textbooks for next semester, but the fact that I don't have a 4th class still is keeping me from having any sense of relief from that. Also, got in contact with the guy in charge of the club sports website.... Our powerlifting team will have its own site once Robert and I decide on a design. This and the powerlifting meet are some of the only things I'm looking forward to right now, not to sound ultra hopeless or anything. Just have a bunch of problems at home and this fever and a lot of uncertainty as to what I want out of life. Sounds ridiculous, but the thought of getting below a C in A&P has crossed my mind a few times. I know it's something I shouldn't dwell on, but it would put me in a situation where I need to figure things out and fast, because that would force me to drop my HS major, not only cutting off the field I'm trying to get into, but rushing the rest of my time at college to fit in required classes for whatever bogus major I switch to.

So I started thinking, if that happens, do I stay in college just to stay in college because "that's what you're supposed to do", despite having absolutely no interest in what I'm doing anymore and now only doing work just because it has to be done? Or do I transfer and hope my credits carry over to another college where I can continue my major (unlikely)? Or do I, this is the part that sounds ridiculous, find another calling in life that doesn't have to do with college. So I spent a couple hours researching, I kid you not, the process necessary to join the academy and become a police officer.

It's nothing I would have done if my mind had been in the right place, but recently it really hasn't. I know I said I'd keep personal matters out of here, but this is more just a mental thing. I've felt so off ever since after my bodybuilding show. Before that, life was fun, there were few worries, I hung out with friends all the time, and whenever anything weighed down on me, I'd just take it out on something, talk to someone, move on with life. Ever since after contest prep (during which time I took myself through something I had never been through before and lost a lot of friends and learned a lot about myself), I've just looked at life so differently. I've struggled to find my identity, I've had some dark stuff go on within my family, I've become a much more obsessive, compulsive, and anxious person. I just haven't been truly happy in a long time. I have no idea why; I'm just really concerned about where my life is headed now.

Training

As I said, trained with one of the brothers who lives nearby. Felt good to lift heavy, but the fever symptoms aren't getting any better and I'm thinking it might not be such a good idea to get back into the gym again until I feel 100%.

I decided since I'm only using two variations with every main lift now, I'm just going to format it like this: It'll always be that main lift and a variant (i.e. Squats and Front Squats), but the variant will change every week, while the main lift remains. So I switched out close grip bench for floor press this week.

Floor Press - paused
45 x 10
95 x 5
135 x 5
185 x 5
225 x 2 @ 8
275 x 1 @ 10
*no load drops, my back was acting up*

Overhead Press
45 x 6
95 x 3
115 x 10 @ 9
**6% F Load Drop**
105 x 9 @ 9

T-Bar Row Machine - plate-loaded
(2+25+10 x 5) x 2
3 x 5
(3+10+5) x 2

BB Curl
90 x 5
(100 x 5) x 2

Dips
BW x 12
(BW x 15) x 2

Ab Wheel - from knees
(8) x 3



Didn't do some of my usual stuff due to feeling crappy. Like I said, probably won't be back in the gym until this is all over. It's crappy, but it's better that I get healthy and not train until I feel 100% than just going in and making it worse.

[Gett01]

I'm feeling excited about the PL team too, it's gonna be awesome! I've been trying to brainstorm some stuff for the website and flyer, will try to have some good ideas soon.

About the A&P concerns, it's helped me to visualize achieving my goal and trying to make it real in my mind, so that it's as if I've already done it before I even try. And I'm sure if you really put in the work and learn from anything that may have gone wrong last semester you'll be fine. You just have to give it everything you've got and refuse to fail. So try to stay positive, and just imagine how great it will be when you get the grade you need, because worrying about the worst-case scenario and actually planning for it will only make you even more anxious and depressed. Trust me, it's a vicious cycle that I've gotten into more than once for applying to grad schools after this semester, and the only way to stay out of it is looking on the positive side. You survived one semester of A&P, so you can do it again, and this time avoid last semester's mistakes for an even better grade.

And that really sucks about the fever. As much as it sucks not to lift if it's that bad then training may only make things worse, so if it doesn't get better soon some time off from the gym is probably a good idea.

[DJaRiHardstyle]

I'm feeling excited about the PL team too, it's gonna be awesome! I've been trying to brainstorm some stuff for the website and flyer, will try to have some good ideas soon.

About the A&P concerns, it's helped me to visualize achieving my goal and trying to make it real in my mind, so that it's as if I've already done it before I even try. And I'm sure if you really put in the work and learn from anything that may have gone wrong last semester you'll be fine. You just have to give it everything you've got and refuse to fail. So try to stay positive, and just imagine how great it will be when you get the grade you need, because worrying about the worst-case scenario and actually planning for it will only make you even more anxious and depressed. Trust me, it's a vicious cycle that I've gotten into more than once for applying to grad schools after this semester, and the only way to stay out of it is looking on the positive side. You survived one semester of A&P, so you can do it again, and this time avoid last semester's mistakes for an even better grade.

And that really sucks about the fever. As much as it sucks not to lift if it's that bad then training may only make things worse, so if it doesn't get better soon some time off from the gym is probably a good idea.

Yeah you're right, and I've been trying to think as positively about it as possible. That's why I said normally I would never have started looking up possibilities for other careers.. normally, I would've just kept my mind in the right place and gone for it.

And yeah it's awful lol.. but this is just part of life. It's something I wouldn't have been able to accept a year or so back, but my view on lifting is much more moderate than it used to be, which is nice.