From Anorexia to Heath and Beyond

[Sweetbeann]

Hey guys,
I know this is going to be an incredibly newbie post, but I feel that I have absolutely nobody who I can turn to with these questions, and I suppose I'm still trying to get my head around everything I'm reading and getting a little overwhelmed!

But here's a bit of a background as to know where I'm coming from:

I've not long been declared a healthy weight after battling 8 long years with anorexia by my ED service and maintain my (possibly too low) weight with an intake of about 1800-1850 calories. I've been wanting to get into lifting for such a long time and now that I've been permitted, I've been doing 3 times a week for only the past two weeks.
I do take protein supplements in the form of: Diet Whey 97 Isolate (although would like to come away from that?) and Whey Protein 80 Concentrate from TPW, which have actually helped me keep my intake up in order to be able to achieve what I set out to do. I have them twice a day, one of each, with (skimmed milk), along with a Quest Bar each day too.
I would say that my diet is fairly clean? I'm not sure, I don't think I have enough fats, and I do have a lot of protein in my diet, but I don't see any ill effects with what I'm doing.
For example, today's was:
Carb: 216g
Fat: 30g
Protein: 118g
Although this definitely varies day to day.

I've been to see my instructor at the gym I go to in order to devise a plan and I do a total work out for about 60 minutes (10 min cardio on the cross trainer for a warm up before-hand).
I have no idea what my body fat % is, although my instructor said that I didn't seem to have a lot on me as I just mainly have some loose skin from the weight loss.
Due to the anorexia, I lost all muscle that I had before; I used to be quite big, both in fat and muscle as I used to compete in swimming and play rugby with the lads.

So here are my questions for you lovely people:
What supplements would you suggest I be taking for muscle gains but without the added fat, or is that not even possible? I've read up on both the Whey Protein 80 Concentrate and Whey Protein 90 Isolate, but I'm still unsure what I should take, or a combination? My head is spinning on this one guys!
Should I be having more calories than I am right now to be building said muscle or am I still okay to stick to my maintenance calories?
I have been thinking of adding Creatine Monohydrate to my supplements post work out, would this be a good idea or not?
I am doing the right thing in lifting heavy (what is heavy for me right now, as I'm quite weak still!) for roughly 10 reps with 2 sets?

I'm unsure if those are all the questions, but my brain has seemed to have decided to have a fart as I'm writing this out.
I hope I don't seem too silly asking these, but I would like to get my information from the correct sources rather than a plethora of them.

Any replies would be greatly appreciated!
Thanks

Jodie

[oregonchick76]

Just to be upfront with you, having no education in ED's, I'm terrified to even respond to these kinds of posts. I would never want to give someone so fragile and early in their recovery the wrong information!

Your weight is still pretty low. I'd eat to gain - slowly. You can easily go up to 120 lbs and NOT have to worry about fat. If you ate to gain 1-2 lbs per month and lifted a solid and sensible program, the weight you'd gain would be mostly muscle.

Don't concentrate on bodyfat %. There is no way yours is high at your weight. Add some solid muscle under there and you're going to look just fine.

You should be on a basic full body routine 3 x per week. Focus on the compounds like squat, deadlift, bench, overhead press, chin ups, rows.
Starting Strength would be a good place to begin.

Are you still working with your mental health professionals? You'll likely need continued support as you work through this.

[Sweetbeann]

Thank you for a reply, though. I appreciate that this could possibly be a subject in which people don't like to touch with a 10ft barge pole, but I am really grateful for any help what-so-ever.
I've been in full recovery for about 7-8 months now, with some resistance to increases, I will admit. Due to being overweight as a kid, I'm sure you can understand the worries I had, and I suppose still have, about overshooting and all that malarkey.

From what I've read on the forums, hoping I've obtained the right information, I should increase by about 100 calories? Although from what I've calculated, I seem to be eating over maintenance, but I guess it's also subjective.
Again, what I also think is subjective for me is the weight distribution that comes with recovery; all my weight has mostly gone to my stomach and thigh area, which can actually take about a year for redistribution, depending on the person. Along with my extra skin, I could just be seeing a (still) rather distorted version of myself.
I am trying my best to ignore the numbers on the scales right now, as I do want to see gains in the form of muscle, but I also know that I am prone to holding on to quite a lot of water.

Due to being rather weak, my instructor has got me on mostly machines right now, I still need to remember what they're called! But off the top of my head I'm doing; Pulley for biceps and triceps, lat pulldown, chest fly, squats with ball, leg press -- I'm thinking of actually adding in the leg curl, and a various lot of abdominal exercises which includes; crunches, reverse crunches, oblique dippers, weighted bends with weighted rotations, russian twists, and a few others.
I think that I'm due for review after 4-6 weeks to see where I'm at, and I think if I tried to do chin ups and the like, I would fall flat on my face! So I'm not sure if this is adequate for my goals?

I am still working with my team, yes. They are aware of what I plan on doing, and although I've been told to try and see how I go on maintenance, I do want to gain that muscle. They have actually insisted I do exercise, but I was completely against cardio, so this was my choice after a long time wanting to be able to do it!
I am aware of newbie gains, and I'm unsure if it might be easier to see/feel progress due to being muscular (under fat) when I was younger; although I've never had a strong core until now, I'm definitely feeling the benefits, but I did have very strong quads and hamstrings.

Again, thank you for the reply!

[megdaig]

You will know if you are at maintenance based on which way the scale is going. If you weigh yourself same time of day, same condition (first thing in the morning after elimination) over a few weeks periods (because there is a lot of fluctuations in our weight)...figure out if you are trending up, down, or staying the same and adjust calories from there.

[oregonchick76]

Thank you for a reply, though. I appreciate that this could possibly be a subject in which people don't like to touch with a 10ft barge pole, but I am really grateful for any help what-so-ever.
I've been in full recovery for about 7-8 months now, with some resistance to increases, I will admit. Due to being overweight as a kid, I'm sure you can understand the worries I had, and I suppose still have, about overshooting and all that malarkey.

From what I've read on the forums, hoping I've obtained the right information, I should increase by about 100 calories? Although from what I've calculated, I seem to be eating over maintenance, but I guess it's also subjective.
Again, what I also think is subjective for me is the weight distribution that comes with recovery; all my weight has mostly gone to my stomach and thigh area, which can actually take about a year for redistribution, depending on the person. Along with my extra skin, I could just be seeing a (still) rather distorted version of myself.
I am trying my best to ignore the numbers on the scales right now, as I do want to see gains in the form of muscle, but I also know that I am prone to holding on to quite a lot of water.

Due to being rather weak, my instructor has got me on mostly machines right now, I still need to remember what they're called! But off the top of my head I'm doing; Pulley for biceps and triceps, lat pulldown, chest fly, squats with ball, leg press -- I'm thinking of actually adding in the leg curl, and a various lot of abdominal exercises which includes; crunches, reverse crunches, oblique dippers, weighted bends with weighted rotations, russian twists, and a few others.
I think that I'm due for review after 4-6 weeks to see where I'm at, and I think if I tried to do chin ups and the like, I would fall flat on my face! So I'm not sure if this is adequate for my goals?

I am still working with my team, yes. They are aware of what I plan on doing, and although I've been told to try and see how I go on maintenance, I do want to gain that muscle. They have actually insisted I do exercise, but I was completely against cardio, so this was my choice after a long time wanting to be able to do it!
I am aware of newbie gains, and I'm unsure if it might be easier to see/feel progress due to being muscular (under fat) when I was younger; although I've never had a strong core until now, I'm definitely feeling the benefits, but I did have very strong quads and hamstrings.

Again, thank you for the reply!

Ok, I'm not following you on the whole 'gaining weight has mostly gone to my stomach and thigh area, which can actually take about a year for redistribution'. That would indicate that you gained fat initially and then lost it.

If you work on a slow surplus and lift a sensible program, it won't go to your stomach and thighs, it will go to the muscles you are working.

You can still do machines for now, but work diligently to wean yourself off of those because the real improvements will come under a barbell. Pick up DB's and duplicate the compound lifts even with light weight as often as you can.

It would be nice for you to get on a real lifting program and just follow it. It's not too early for that, even though you feel weak.

And maintenance calories ARE subjective and it will definitely depend on how much exercise you get.

[Sweetbeann]

Ok, I'm not following you on the whole 'gaining weight has mostly gone to my stomach and thigh area, which can actually take about a year for redistribution'. That would indicate that you gained fat initially and then lost it.

When someone is recovering from anorexia the weight gain generally ends up in the midsection as to protect the vital organs, which in-turn messes around with body composition until that person has been weight restored for anywhere between 6 - 12 months for weight redistribution to take effect.
My body is still getting used to having enough calories to live and not just survive right now.

I plan on seeing how my weight goes within the next two - three weeks and if I see any loss, I will definitely be reassessing my calorie input to make sure this does not happen, and continue like this -- I feel it's going to be a rather length process, but I need to be sensible considering my background? But saying that, I'm not sure if dragging it out like this is going to discourage me when I'm not seeing any progress/changes in my body?

Although my instructor has made up a program, I've been tempted to switch to the barbell, but not the one that slides on the rack? Forgive me, I have no idea what it's called. I'm just intimidated that it's only men who are doing it, any weights in fact! And the lowest weight is 10KG and I'm not sure if I want to make a fool out of myself :/
Any help with that one?
I'm really unsure what sort of lifting program I should go for, because I know I definitely want to start seeing results, and I've already upped some of the weights I'm doing. I get the feeling that's going to get even better when I switch to barbells and dumbells. Maybe Monday I'll give the Dumbells a go! Is it okay to continue to sit while I do the lifting?

[oregonchick76]

When someone is recovering from anorexia the weight gain generally ends up in the midsection as to protect the vital organs, which in-turn messes around with body composition until that person has been weight restored for anywhere between 6 - 12 months for weight redistribution to take effect.
My body is still getting used to having enough calories to live and not just survive right now.

I plan on seeing how my weight goes within the next two - three weeks and if I see any loss, I will definitely be reassessing my calorie input to make sure this does not happen, and continue like this -- I feel it's going to be a rather length process, but I need to be sensible considering my background? But saying that, I'm not sure if dragging it out like this is going to discourage me when I'm not seeing any progress/changes in my body?

Although my instructor has made up a program, I've been tempted to switch to the barbell, but not the one that slides on the rack? Forgive me, I have no idea what it's called. I'm just intimidated that it's only men who are doing it, any weights in fact! And the lowest weight is 10KG and I'm not sure if I want to make a fool out of myself :/
Any help with that one?
I'm really unsure what sort of lifting program I should go for, because I know I definitely want to start seeing results, and I've already upped some of the weights I'm doing. I get the feeling that's going to get even better when I switch to barbells and dumbells. Maybe Monday I'll give the Dumbells a go! Is it okay to continue to sit while I do the lifting?

The barbell that slides on the rack is the smith machine. You're ultimately better off getting over to free weights.

Results will come quickly at first, once you get your nutrition and lifting sorted out. There is a ton of rapid progress in the beginning that is due primarily to CNS training and adaptation. After that, progress is pretty slow for all of us. So, don't get discouraged. Enjoy the process!

You sit while you lift?

[Sweetbeann]

The barbell that slides on the rack is the smith machine. You're ultimately better off getting over to free weights.

Results will come quickly at first, once you get your nutrition and lifting sorted out. There is a ton of rapid progress in the beginning that is due primarily to CNS training and adaptation. After that, progress is pretty slow for all of us. So, don't get discouraged. Enjoy the process!

You sit while you lift?

Oh, I see! So that's the smith machine; I'm still getting to grips with what everything is called. I think I've done about 4 - 5 sessions now where I've mainly used machines apart from using dumbbells while working my abs with weighted side bends, rotations, and russian twists.
Is it a good idea that I'm using the dumbbell for the twists though? I find that the weighted balls they have aren't heavy enough for my liking.

I think my nutrition is in good order, and as of today I'm testing my upped fat intake. Anxiety is in the highs right now, but I know that overall it's going to be more beneficial than what I'm doing now.

In terms of the whole sitting thing, I meant that in terms of the machines! This is my current program:

Bicep Curls 10x2 Sets W/ Straight Bar Pulley
Tricep Pulldowns 10x2 Sets W/ Straight Bar Pulley
Pectoral Fly 10x2 Sets
Lat Pulldowns 10x2 Sets
Leg Press 10x2 Sets
Ball Squats 10x2 Sets Each of Sumo and Regular
(Wanting to add more into my legs though?)

Abdominal; Performed between Arms and Legs & End of Workout
Ab Crunch, Sometimes Weighted W/ DB 15x2; 10 Pulses to End
Knees to Chest, Floor 15x2
Oblique Dippers 10ESx2
Russian Twists, Feet on Floor 10x2
Scissor Kicks 15x2
Weighted Side Bends W/ DB 10ESx2
Weighted Rotations Between Side Bends W/ DB

I added more into my abdominal workout than what the instructor said because she said that I should do what suited me in that area as I had my own routine in place with that before I saw her, she just showed me how to some basic moves that I hadn't incorporated.

Do you have any input on this? I don't feel like I'm challenged enough, if that makes sense? I've already upped my weights, apart from on my biceps and triceps as it's still only at 6.25KG, and today I'm feeling it in my upper body more than my lower body.

I have looked at some of the workouts on the website and I've written them out, I'm tempted to take them to her at my review date. I'd go ahead and just go for it, but I'm a little scared, or intimidated, at looking like a fool, to be honest.

[adhdbunny]

I'm not going to add much except to say I've been in some very similar shoes in terms of recovery from a very disordered relationship with food, exercise and my body. It took me years to make the adjustment from fear of fat and mistrusting my body to realising that my body wants to be healthy, so the more I do to help it, the better a relationship we have. Focus on something other than size - focus on getting stronger, think of food as the fuel for a fire that runs the engine, and weight training like a shiny new turbo that'll help you push yourself that much further (or some other analogy, my boyfriend's a mechanic - guess it's rubbing off!)

I know this won't happen straight away, and it will be hard, but to fully recover you need to reach out and trust your body, and shift your focus slightly.

Good luck, if you've come this far you can go much further!

(ps. Everyone at the gym is too focused on what they're doing/how they look/what others are thinking to be concerned with your workout. Promise )

[Sweetbeann]

I'm not going to add much except to say I've been in some very similar shoes in terms of recovery from a very disordered relationship with food, exercise and my body. It took me years to make the adjustment from fear of fat and mistrusting my body to realising that my body wants to be healthy, so the more I do to help it, the better a relationship we have. Focus on something other than size - focus on getting stronger, think of food as the fuel for a fire that runs the engine, and weight training like a shiny new turbo that'll help you push yourself that much further (or some other analogy, my boyfriend's a mechanic - guess it's rubbing off!)

I know this won't happen straight away, and it will be hard, but to fully recover you need to reach out and trust your body, and shift your focus slightly.

Good luck, if you've come this far you can go much further!

(ps. Everyone at the gym is too focused on what they're doing/how they look/what others are thinking to be concerned with your workout. Promise )

Aww, thank you for this, it made me smile!

Well, yesterday's workout went horribly wrong. If that hasn't shown me I'm not fueling my body enough then I shouldn't be going, but today I'm increasing and hoping it makes things easier. It's not much (150-200?) to begin with, but I hope that I start to feel and see the difference.
I started putting in some exercise with the DBs too; wow, hammer curls make me feel so weak! Haha!

But like I said, I really do need to re-evaluate what the heck I'm actually doing, and yesterday was enough to make me think, 'look, this is ridiculous, you can't do this to yourself.'
Feels strange yet nice to be able to do that, if that makes sense? It's not going to be easy, I know that, but y'know, benefits and all that :]

[oregonchick76]

Aww, thank you for this, it made me smile!

Well, yesterday's workout went horribly wrong. If that hasn't shown me I'm not fueling my body enough then I shouldn't be going, but today I'm increasing and hoping it makes things easier. It's not much (150-200?) to begin with, but I hope that I start to feel and see the difference.
I started putting in some exercise with the DBs too; wow, hammer curls make me feel so weak! Haha!

But like I said, I really do need to re-evaluate what the heck I'm actually doing, and yesterday was enough to make me think, 'look, this is ridiculous, you can't do this to yourself.'
Feels strange yet nice to be able to do that, if that makes sense? It's not going to be easy, I know that, but y'know, benefits and all that :]

Well, not sure what happened for your workout yesterday, but keep in mind that we all have bad days occasionally. Even on a bulk, there will be the random off day I walk into the gym and can't do half of what I could do the workout before.

[sweetkissees918]

Recovered Anorexic Here: Just figured I would chime in, and shed some light on this. Here's a pic of my before (even tho, i dropped more weight afterwards) to my current.



Alright, I battled with anorexia for a few good years. It got worse as I got deeper into it. Started by dropping some calories, then dropping some meals to abusing diuretics, laxatives to at the end barely eating anything and then throwing up what i did eat. My height is 5'6" @ my lowest I dropped down to 100-109lbs... Well, I battled this thing on my own (even harder without support). I decided I didn't want to live like this anymore. I was tired all the time, weak, sick, frail, etc... I started SLOWLY getting myself together. This isn't an easy thing to bounce back from. It takes time, patience and lots of willpower. Here's what I did.

At the begin when I was still at my lowest. I decided it was important to slowly eat a tiny bit more, now mentally this is the hard part. You just have to tell yourself everything will be okay, and your gonna be stronger and healthier for it. So, slowly I ate a little more, managed to get my weight up to 115!! I did cry alot thru that process, but i just took a few breathes and reassured myself but I make my goal! I was happy about that. I felt good and mentally I was getting stronger.....

2nd Phase, I started working out a little bit (3x a week) I was mentally handling the eating more, so I started getting my butt into gear and getting some muscles. I was weak still, very weak actually but I started very light, I believe back then i was only curling like 5lb weights and I remember struggling but I didn't give up! I kept going...... I remember one time, crying in the middle of my workout because i was sooo skinny, and still weak, and thought to myself, this is impossible, ill never get there. At that point I felt defeated.

3rd Phase, I wiped my tears away looked at myself straight in the mirror and told myself "Hold your head up and keep going for yourself" So, I kept going, eating more and lifting what I could, always trying to get 1 more rep or 5 more pounds on the bar. As, time went by, I would look on the scale and its going up . I'm looking better and feeling better.. I would look in the mirror and see a little butt forming!!! Before I was literally sitting on my butt bones, now i had a little tush! and my hips weren't sticking out like mickey mouse ears anymore, my spine disappeared.

Anorexia is very mental! It takes a lot of work bouncing from that, because everything has to be rethought and retaught, something normal people don't have to do. BUT..... YOU CAN DO IT!

Now, to answer your Q's............

1. Supplements/food contain calories, supplements are there to aid in your needs if u are unable to get it all thru food or if your on the run a lot etc. Supplements should not replace food. If you wanna add it in to help your caloric needs, then do so but don't rely on them 100% of the time. Food first, then supplement if you want (remember, supplements are optional, not a need)

2.Gaining fat... Well anytime you enter a surplus of calories, you will gain a little fat, on building muscle phases (i.e bulking) you will gain a small amount of fat with the muscle you are building. It happens, no getting around it. A small surplus is all you need (250-500 cal)... People tend to think, the more i eat the more ill grow, well, what ends up happening is.. The body stores the extra as fat.

3.Weighing yourself. Its important to weigh yourself at the same time (morning is best, after urination) If you are staying the same, add a small surplus of calories, start with 250 calories. Keep checking your weight weekly and see if theres any + or -. If u are still staying the same after a few weeks, readjust. Add another 250 calories and so on.

4. I wouldn't add in anything extra at this point (talking about the creatine), just lifting what u can, always strive for more weight or more reps, even if it is just more 1 rep. Keep eating enough with real food. Believe me, real food trumps supplements any day. Remember, keep it simple and easy for yourself.

5. Reps/sets... The good ole' 3x10-12 is a good place to start. You can always play around with your sets/reps, but remember progressive overload is what your trying to strive for. Here's what I did in the beginning. Im just gonna ball park numbers for u to understand.....

Week 1: 3x12 10lbs
Week 2: 3x10 15lbs
Week 3: 3x8 20lbs
Week 4 3x12 15lbs

Kinda see the pattern? That worked well for me in the beginning but def play around with it. I hope this has helped you some. Off to make cookies with the little one. If u need any support, don't hesitate to send a message. Keep your head up! and remember always, always keep going!

[Sweetbeann]

Oh my gosh, you look absolutely amazing! Congratulations and absolutely well done for everything that you have achieved. I want this to be my story in a few months down the line!
I need to realize that just because I have thick legs doesn't mean that I'm 'fat'. The problem is my weight just isn't redistributing, as I've said before. This is really messing with my head, but I think once I start building my legs up so their not 'jiggly' the frustration I have with them will dissipate.
I caught one of my thighs in the mirror yesterday, and I actually saw muscle! Like, you know when it bulges a little under the skin and there's a defined line? I think I squealed rather high pitched.
It's not much, but it's a start!

My butt is still so bony and uncomfortable, I always have to sit on cushions or pillows and my spine still does most of the way down my back. I think I have to remember that just because I'm a 'minimum healthy bmi/weight' doesn't necessarily mean that it's the right weight for my body.

Now, to answer your Q's............

1. Supplements/food contain calories, supplements are there to aid in your needs if u are unable to get it all thru food or if your on the run a lot etc. Supplements should not replace food. If you wanna add it in to help your caloric needs, then do so but don't rely on them 100% of the time. Food first, then supplement if you want (remember, supplements are optional, not a need)

2.Gaining fat... Well anytime you enter a surplus of calories, you will gain a little fat, on building muscle phases (i.e bulking) you will gain a small amount of fat with the muscle you are building. It happens, no getting around it. A small surplus is all you need (250-500 cal)... People tend to think, the more i eat the more ill grow, well, what ends up happening is.. The body stores the extra as fat.

3.Weighing yourself. Its important to weigh yourself at the same time (morning is best, after urination) If you are staying the same, add a small surplus of calories, start with 250 calories. Keep checking your weight weekly and see if theres any + or -. If u are still staying the same after a few weeks, readjust. Add another 250 calories and so on.

4. I wouldn't add in anything extra at this point (talking about the creatine), just lifting what u can, always strive for more weight or more reps, even if it is just more 1 rep. Keep eating enough with real food. Believe me, real food trumps supplements any day. Remember, keep it simple and easy for yourself.

I've actually taken out on of my shakes, the one I have in the morning and have been replacing it with yogurt and cashew nuts, for now, anyway. I still keep my shake in the afternoon, especially after workouts since I go after lunch. Although I did add protein powder to my oats this morning because I wanted to give it a go, does that matter? Does that count as supplementation?
I'm also challenging myself to other types of food I deem 'fear foods' as well. No longer irrationally fearful of bananas! Which is ridiculous, because they are so good for you. Oh anorexia.

I have increased my calorie intake, but only by 100-150 after calculating it yesterday, and for what I have planned for today. From what I'm seeing, I'm guessing it should be a bit more than that. Do you think I should dive right in there or to stick to what I have and see my weight next week? And should I still increase if there is less than 1lb of a gain?
I gained around 2lbs last week without changing my diet but I'm not sure if it's water from my muscles, or actual fat or muscle gain? Probably absolutely impossible to be muscle, but y'know.

I'll take your advice and not add in anything. That's some key advice right there.

5. Reps/sets... The good ole' 3x10-12 is a good place to start. You can always play around with your sets/reps, but remember progressive overload is what your trying to strive for. Here's what I did in the beginning. Im just gonna ball park numbers for u to understand.....

Week 1: 3x12 10lbs
Week 2: 3x10 15lbs
Week 3: 3x8 20lbs
Week 4 3x12 15lbs

Kinda see the pattern? That worked well for me in the beginning but def play around with it. I hope this has helped you some. Off to make cookies with the little one. If u need any support, don't hesitate to send a message. Keep your head up! and remember always, always keep going!

Even though my instructor has put me on the 2x10, do you think I should just strive for those instead for better gains? We have weights in KG but I'm sure I can adapt it to that (10lbs = 4KG, 15lbs = 6KG, and so forth) instead of trying to increase them every session because it was 'easy' the last time?
I think sometimes I push my body to do what it isn't able to do yet, although I can definitely use the leg press with about 30KG, although by the last rep they're burning ;]
I've always had stronger muscles in my thighs.

This has definitely helped me, so thank you ever so much. I'm thinking I should keep a log of the weights and reps I'm doing and then when my review date comes up, I can take it to my instructor and let her know what I've been doing.
She said that ultimately it's my workout and I can change it up when I want, but I haven't felt confident enough by doing it on my own, so this has been invaluable.

Thank you so much! Definitely going to try this new set with the list you've exampled.

[Sweetbeann]

Well, not sure what happened for your workout yesterday, but keep in mind that we all have bad days occasionally. Even on a bulk, there will be the random off day I walk into the gym and can't do half of what I could do the workout before.

I am pretty sure it's because I really haven't been adequately feeding myself, I looked back on my logs and have only been getting in ~1750, which I realize is absolutely ridiculous and will get me nowhere!
I'm up to 1850 over the past two days, and I'm thinking it might need to be even more.
For some reason 2000 is a huge trigger number for me, but in order to get the muscles I want, it looks like I might just need to take the plunge.
I'd been feeling weak all weekend, so it wasn't just a bad day, I know that now.
I've realized that I really need to be careful and think sensibly!

[sweetkissees918]

Thank you very much! Believe me, you'll get there, it just takes time and your right, just because you have more meat on your body doesn't mean your fat. You have to stop thinking of yourself as fat. Pretend that word doesn't even exist. I know what u mean on the butt bone and how sitting is uncomfortable, that will go away eventually. Hang in there. Just keep eating at a small surplus and lifting.


You don't have to take out shakes completely, just don't depend on them a lot. You can mix it in your oatmeal, its perfectly fine, actually I used to do it too!! I recommend it! Extra protein powder here and there will help raise your protein needs a bit but yes its still supplementation. Trying new foods is great!! Try a little bit of something u feared before, and over time you'll see that its okay and nothing is gonna happen to you, you'll get to the point where u can eat stuff like that and not think twice about it.

As far as calories, add what u are comfortable with. If it's 100-150 calories more, then go for it. But as time goes on and your not seeing any + on the scale, adding another 100 calories is best. Go as slow as u want, just make sure you are moving forward and not backwards. When u start increasing calories from what it was, yes you will have some water weight come, but don't let it scare you. It's just water. Your body will regulate everything as time goes.

When you workout and you can squeeze out 1 or 2 more reps, always do so. If last workout seems easier this week, bump it up a little bit and yes, logging your exercises/weight used/reps done is great!!!! I used to do it too. I actually still do it sometimes. Another important thing to remember, make sure you are using good form and full range of motion and yes change up your routine often, don't let it get boring or stagnant, have fun with it!

[leeniepie]

well done to you! I have been where you are so can completely relate ( food fear, bones sticking out, ban on exercising, feeling so ill).
my best advice is take things slowly - you may feel great but remember you have stripped your body down to barely surviving and it needs time to build itself back up. Now that you are exercising your body will immediately gobble up all your extra calories to replace those burnt, plus its still trying to rebuild and get itself back into normal functioning, so you may need to eat much more than you would think. 100-200kcal increases are a great way of eating more without going into 'food freakout' mode from eating loads extra
post workout might also be a good time to takle some of your 'scary' foods, as you will probably be more hungry then too!

best of luck, do PM me if you would like to talk at any time

[jgpfitness]

Nothing useful to add- just wanted to say good luck.

[brickCanary]

Hey buddy,

I've been in a similar situation. It really helped me to chuck all thoughts, rules regarding 'diet' and supplements out the window. I ignored my weight and bodyfat and simply ate my fill, which was actually quite a lot, and doing so helped me make nice gains under the barbell.

I'd also recommend staying away from "transformation" articles, bodybuilding nutrition articles, etc to avoid stress (only out of personal experience).

The biggest thing would be to make sure you're eating enough, period, and not stressing too much about macros or other fine details. It sounds like you've got a support system that can help you in those areas. And it always helps to love where you are and what you're doing. Easier said than done, of course, but it's the way to go.