RH Chat 25: My semen tastes like pineapple, but she still won't swallow

[AdamL00001]

Oh I see, palms need some greasing eh? Here's 10 bucks. Now tell me what you know.

I know I had a free steak wrapped in bacon today.

[Muzzlrpress]

I know I had a free steak wrapped in bacon today.

You saved me some right?




Right?

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

I saw another gif of that same girl but that time she had a giant cockroach in her mouth.

Giant cock maybe. But I'm not a fan of eating insects. Don't even eat shellfish because they're basically giant sea insects. I am disgust.

I like having oneitis as well Mr Silverback. It makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.

[MrSilverback]

I like having oneitis as well Mr Silverback. It makes you all warm and fuzzy inside.

I can count the oneitis I've had on one hand:

- Girl I knew when I was 18, ended up hooking up with her
- Girl I cheated on my ex with in college (major bad karma from that one, paid for it dearly, spare me the lectures...learned my lesson)
- Portuguese girl i chased for literally a year and finally slept with, then it imploded
- Gorgeous Peruvian girl who my friend stabbed me in the back with.
- Recent Brazilian ex who i actually ended up dating

That's actually pretty terrible considering I am 31 years old.

Every single girl I've come across lately either isn't hot enough or is hot but has way too many issues I already know about.

[Legend1617]

^^^That takes you don't know whats been in that mouth to a whole new level..

What if a girl decided to try to kiss you with a live spider or roach in her mouth and it crawled into yours?


That would be an awful prank would be traumatized for life.

[AgRyan]

I can count the oneitis I've had on one hand:

- Girl I knew when I was 18, ended up hooking up with her
- Girl I cheated on my ex with in college (major bad karma from that one, paid for it dearly, spare me the lectures...learned my lesson)
- Portuguese girl i chased for literally a year and finally slept with, then it imploded
- Gorgeous Peruvian girl who my friend stabbed me in the back with.
- Recent Brazilian ex who i actually ended up dating

That's actually pretty terrible considering I am 31 years old.

Every single girl I've come across lately either isn't hot enough or is hot but has way too many issues I already know about.

Does it still count as oneitis if there are 5 of them?? lol

[jcook996]

In other news, I just took a gulp of my drink and felt something odd touch my lips. I fished it out and it was a giant house spider - English house spiders are about 3 inches across, no joke. Anyway it was still alive, which is both worse and better. I feel sick now.

I hate it when you wake up with a tickling feel in your mouth, and you bite down and feel a crunch. Nope, not fishing out the bits to see what kind of bug it was. I do like it when a spider walks across the tips of my chest hair, though. Feels kinda tickly, lol!

[MrSilverback]

Does it still count as oneitis if there are 5 of them?? lol

oneitis
Often confused with love, this is the feeling that a particular woman is actually special. This is just an illusion; she is the same as the other three or so billion. "Go **** ten other women" is the most commonly prescribed treatment for this "disease" (hence the "itis"), as it tends to show quite quickly how very alike people are.

In other words, get over yourself and your obsession with that girl, because it's just an illusion. And when you get rejected, don't be depressed. Because there's really not much to worry about.

[ElJefe904]

Anybody else who is married or live with their girl have problems getting sleep when they are not there? My fiancee has been out in the field for a few weeks and my sleep scheduled has been jacked up since she left

[Xinroth]

Anybody else who is married or live with their girl have problems getting sleep when they are not there? My fiancee has been out in the field for a few weeks and my sleep scheduled has been jacked up since she left

You should, instead, be enjoying the bed for yourself...

As much as I love sleeping in with my girl in bed, half the time I can't sleep unless I toss her on the other side of the bed and sleep on my belly. CAn't sleep on back unless im dead exhausted, with her head on my chest (which she tells me to stop doing incline bench press because it's making my upper chest "too bulky and her head isn't fitting right there anymore"

Spent last night on my back with 1 arm around my gf, and the other arm playing with her hair until I crash and wake up 30 min later- rinse repeat 5-6 times through the night. go figure

[Mr Beer]

Anybody else who is married or live with their girl have problems getting sleep when they are not there? My fiancee has been out in the field for a few weeks and my sleep scheduled has been jacked up since she left

Yep, for the first few years. Doesn't seem to be a problem now.

EDIT

I quite like it when she's away for a day, more than a couple of days and I sook though.

[IronCharles]

Anybody else who is married or live with their girl have problems getting sleep when they are not there? My fiancee has been out in the field for a few weeks and my sleep scheduled has been jacked up since she left

You should, instead, be enjoying the bed for yourself...

This. I love cuddling after sex and/or before bedtime and all that, but once it's over, I absolutely can't sleep with someone touching me. Way to distracting!

[Muzzlrpress]

Anybody else who is married or live with their girl have problems getting sleep when they are not there? My fiancee has been out in the field for a few weeks and my sleep scheduled has been jacked up since she left

A little harder, but my wife has a lot of trouble sleeping in I'm not there.

[Josh81]

A little harder, but my wife has a lot of trouble sleeping in I'm not there.

i found your hide out chocolate bear

[Muzzlrpress]

i found your hide out chocolate bear

I'm new blood here. Gotta spread myself around nomsaiyan?

[Josh81]

I'm new blood here. Gotta spread myself around nomsaiyan?

i naw u sayin dog we tite like a banana on wheat bread


anyways i've suffered from terrible insomnia for most of my life and the only time i sleep normally is with my girl, it sucks

[MrBungle11]

This. I love cuddling after sex and/or before bedtime and all that, but once it's over, I absolutely can't sleep with someone touching me. Way to distracting!

I'm the same, I toss and turn too much to have someone touching me.

[happywithit]

There's supposedly a referendum in 2015 but I doubt it will go ahead. Cameron's not known for keeping his promises. Even if it was a landslide vote to leave the EU, I doubt he would take any notice.


In other news, I just took a gulp of my drink and felt something odd touch my lips. I fished it out and it was a giant house spider - English house spiders are about 3 inches across, no joke. Anyway it was still alive, which is both worse and better. I feel sick now.

Example of English house spider, Lego for scale

Had one of these in the bathroom sink yesterday. I don't know how you deal with them but I suck the b!tches up in my Hoover.

Same with daddy long legs. I've got so many daddy long legs in my house. **shudder**

[MrSilverback]

Anybody else who is married or live with their girl have problems getting sleep when they are not there? My fiancee has been out in the field for a few weeks and my sleep scheduled has been jacked up since she left

Nope lol.

Ex ex had insomnia and would prevent me from falling asleep on time. Ex, when she slept over, we pretty much had sex 2-4x per night. Pretty sure if the relationship lasted longer that would've faded. Never got to that point though.

[Josh81]

well thanks for that spider pic i'm out

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

Had one of these in the bathroom sink yesterday. I don't know how you deal with them but I suck the b!tches up in my Hoover.

Same with daddy long legs. I've got so many daddy long legs in my house. **shudder**

If I find them in the bath I create an escape ladder by draping some loo paper over the edge so they can climb out. I don't kill spiders. I try and put them outside if I can catch them. But I'd rather have one spider than 25 flies. If there were no spiders we would all suffocate under the weight of insects.

[AgRyan]

If I find them in the bath I create an escape ladder by draping some loo paper over the edge so they can climb out. I don't kill spiders. I try and put them outside if I can catch them. But I'd rather have one spider than 25 flies. If there were no spiders we would all suffocate under the weight of insects.

I normally try to kill them once (a lazy hit or swat or something). If they live (which they do a lot of the time) I'm just like douche spider you win this round and let them walk around and continue their spider business. Unless they crawl on me then they die. I figure if you always kill the bugs that crawl on you, eventually that genetic trait will be wiped out.

kinda srs

[MrBungle11]

Had one of these in the bathroom sink yesterday. I don't know how you deal with them but I suck the b!tches up in my Hoover.

Same with daddy long legs. I've got so many daddy long legs in my house. **shudder**

Daddy long legs are always welcome in my house, they keep the red back population under control. Aren't you worried that your Hoover will then be a little breeding ground for all the spiders you suck up? I can't afford to save spiders here, probably deadly so they die a quick death.

[FU3L]

If I find them in the bath I create an escape ladder by draping some loo paper over the edge so they can climb out. I don't kill spiders. I try and put them outside if I can catch them. But I'd rather have one spider than 25 flies. If there were no spiders we would all suffocate under the weight of insects.

I'd rather have 40,000 flies than one spider. Fukin spiders.

[Muzzlrpress]

If you were a hotdog and you were starving, would you eat yourself? know I would! First, I'd smother myself with brown mustard and relish. I'd be so delicious

[MrBungle11]

If you were a hotdog and you were starving, would you eat yourself? know I would! First, I'd smother myself with brown mustard and relish. I'd be so delicious

I just spent way too long thinking about that question...my answer is a yes. Hot dogs are my weakness even if it would kill me

[Montre]

Dis you, Tiffany?



I hate it when you wake up with a tickling feel in your mouth, and you bite down and feel a crunch. Nope, not fishing out the bits to see what kind of bug it was. I do like it when a spider walks across the tips of my chest hair, though. Feels kinda tickly, lol!

[IronCharles]

If you were a hotdog and you were starving, would you eat yourself? know I would! First, I'd smother myself with brown mustard and relish. I'd be so delicious

I eat my own hot dog all the time. With relish.










wait..... wut?

[Tiffany Wantsmore]

Would eat Charles' hotdog tenderly/10


BF rang me this morning and said the other estate agent had called in sick so would I go and do two house viewings, right, OK, no problem. Both houses are tenanted (by Eastern Europeans) and when we got there, neither of them had been informed by their landlords (the vendors) that we were even coming. It's so embarrassing, god knows what the potential buyers thought. It's awkward. Not really fair on the tenants either. So not a great morning, although I think they will offer on at least one of the houses so it may turn out all right.

[happywithit]

I have not had sex in months, and my fiance is now in hospital having his hip surgery....

-So a lady bought a gift voucher for a massage at the salon I was at today.
-She phones up, asks if it is OK to drop her husband off 5 minutes later than the treatment begins, it is for him.
-This strapping fine specimen of a gorgeous, outstandingly, perfect, beautiful man appears at the desk (the husband) and before I know it I blurt out, that the treatment is with me, because I -simply have this overwhelming desire to touch him as well as admire his beautiful body (I know, totally creepy, I'm not normally like this) as soon as I see him.

-I ask him to lie on the bed on his back, only underwear on and I will start on his front. Cover himself up with the blanket and I will come back in a few minutes.
-Walk in, he has covered his legs but his beautiful, perfect chest is out and I ACTUALLY start to tingle with excitement.
-I start rubbing oil into his leg and I run my hand up a little higher than you should with a man, all the while feeling tingly excitement as I do it, same with other leg.
-I rub oil into the rest of his body and enjoy every second of it, want to touch EVERY part of his body, not just touch it but I honestly wanted to kiss him all over, and have this great need to, ony I stop myself from doing so, which took great mind power I might add, because the desire was out of this world.
-When I did his back, I just had to pull his pants a little lower down his buttocks than you normally would, because I just felt this overwhelming need to see as much of him as possible.
-Then I get paranoid that he might know that I must fancy him just by the way I'm touching him and stroking him, rather than massaging him, because he has the most amazing body I have ever seen or touched in my life (or I'm deprived of sex).
-I finish rubbing, stroking and touching him all over (except his dik of course because it's not a brothel, which I have to admit, I wanted to soooooo bad). He is really happy.
-He's booked again for me to do the same next week.

Am I a Pervert?
Am I going crazy?
Was this terrible, while fiance is in hospital? I feel terrible and guilty now.

I don't think I can do this without running my hand to areas it shouldn't be. ESPECIALLY if I'm still sex deprived.

At least I have some fap material in my head now.
Tonight I'm out for my friends birthday. I shouldn't be out alone in this horny state.