How should I handle my breakup? Cheater involved.

[Carson92]

Do not post anything negative. Keep being the bigger person. You look a LOT better than being some silly person who posts on social media. If anyone asks what happened, just say she cheated on me so I ended it. That's all.

Basically what I've been doing. Close friends have heard the negative/long drawn out story, but that's what they're here for.

[toughgainer22]

Basically what I've been doing. Close friends have heard the negative/long drawn out story, but that's what they're here for.

Absolutely that's what friends are for. But airing dirty laundry in public just makes you look bad, and ultimately doesn't change the end result anyway.

[deltbrah]

Good job! There is no excuse for cheating and you handled it so well. These threads usually end in the OP doing the opposite of what he is told or bitter/angry instructions being given that always backfire lol.

My boyfriend (of 4 years) was cheated on by his first love. Together from 16-20 and she turned into a club slut at like 18 since girls could get in at 18. Anyway, he found out in a similar way that she was sexing this random dude. Her friend told him about it after he'd noticed she was being really distant. He got a box and filled it with all their notes/pictures/cards etc., rang the doorbell to her parents house and when they let him in he walked it to her room and left it on the floor. Told her mom to tell her that he knew about (guys name she was banging) and left. That was 8 years ago and she randomly texted/******** messaged and apologized up until recently. Used to drunk text him asking for forgiveness since the guy she was banging ended up having 2 kids with her and then left her. No one will date her now since she's got 2 kids and is crazy, and honestly so many texts were sent until he changed his number after we bought our house. She even tried to contact me before on ******** when I had one to try to talk to him...

Seriously, stay no contact. You deserve better and as sick and twisted as it sounds/feels to you right now, she deserves to feel guilt from all this. If she tries to talk to you it's because she will want to make herself feel better. She wants to feel like you aren't angry with her in an effort to soothe her guilt and make herself feel less-shtty. You don't need to be angry or bitter, but definitely don't respond. You got this, OP! And good for you on your grades!

Your bf sounds beta as fuk

[Bobman84]

Your bf sounds beta as fuk

How is that beta?

[FrazettaSilke]

This thread... has made me feel good and fuzzy and cuddly. Measely reps opie, you goin make it

Edit: on RC

[deltbrah]

How is that beta?

By making a collage of their love for each other and then going to all the trouble of taking it to her house.

You either do two things, if you want closure, you do what op did, take an item which belongs to her...... Not your memories. And go over to her place, let her know she cheated and gtfo.

Or you just drop off, don't say anything just no contact. She will be even more confused lol... I find this funnier and more alpha. Just ignore all calls remove from ********, she will wreck her brain trying to figure out why you,dropped,off

[beepec]

Brother once piece of advice I want to give you is don't wait for an apology. You will never get one. You will never have any closure in this unless you just let it go.

She may never show to you that she is hurting, she will never admit she did anything wrong and she sure as hell will be telling people it was somehow your fault.

I say this because you've essentially described my ex.

-Ex and I were good friends
-We got together
-She treated me like a king, genuinely cared about me
-Found out she got with her ex
-She never admitted it, I went N/C until a text 4 months later asking to be friends
-Never got an apology or anything, she got mad at ME for leaving her and told everyone I had trust issues.

[Carson92]

Brother once piece of advice I want to give you is don't wait for an apology. You will never get one. You will never have any closure in this unless you just let it go.

She may never show to you that she is hurting, she will never admit she did anything wrong and she sure as hell will be telling people it was somehow your fault.

I say this because you've essentially described my ex.

-Ex and I were good friends
-We got together
-She treated me like a king, genuinely cared about me
-Found out she got with her ex
-She never admitted it, I went N/C until a text 4 months later asking to be friends
-Never got an apology or anything, she got mad at ME for leaving her and told everyone I had trust issues.

Noted, sort of started assuming this anyways.

It is a goddamn good thing my phone died last night at the bar, because I don't remember the next 2 bars after that or walking home. Would have most likely broken NC. Saved by the ****ty battery life of iPhone.

[Fire8085]

Noted, sort of started assuming this anyways.

It is a goddamn good thing my phone died last night at the bar, because I don't remember the next 2 bars after that or walking home. Would have most likely broken NC. Saved by the ****ty battery life of iPhone.

When you get drunk, give your phone to your friends and make sure all your contact to her is broken off in every manner.

[Ronnie87]

It comes in waves man. One second you'll be fine, the next you might find yourself lower than low.

I went to my ex's last night. 6 hours after we broke up she played the "I Miss you" card. She was having a ****ty day and couldn't sleep, even after being up 36 hours. I know I comfort and ease her, and she honestly sleeps so much better when I'm there, so I humored it. We slept, didn't fool around. I woke up to leave for school and she said she loved me. Then a few hours later I get a text "Last night was good.. it felt normal. But I felt like we were friends, not BF/GF". So that's pretty well my answer of all answers, this whole thing essentially spiraled with me entering the friendzone.

Nice guys finish for sure.

Already repped OP and off-topic. Yes nice guys do finish last, stop being nice to this girl and stop giving her all the power. If you didn't do that she would respect you and be attracted to you. Going round to her house was weak, you gave in. If you want this girl then just act like you do not give a single ****, that's all you have to do. In any given situation, act like you don't give a single **** what the outcome is. Man up and stop being nice. It annoys me because I've done the same thing in the past, learned from it, and now I'm 10x the person I was.

[poolshark472]

OP, i think you would be doing yourself a favor if you stopped posting in this thread, even stopped visiting the MISC altogether for awhile. you need to get your mind OFF of your failed relationship and your whore of an ex girlfriend. coming in here and posting every day about your feelings....it becomes a cycle where you unconsciously convince yourself you have some kind of emotional illness you're trying to get over. the bottom line is: the longer this girl stays on your mind, the longer it's going to take you to get over her and your depression. the only way to get better is to distract yourself completely. in the end how you feel is what's important though so if coming here and letting it all out is what truly helps you then don't let me stop you. nobody is judging you. just know that nobody but yourself can really help you get over how you're feeling, and you need to be doing the right things to ensure that happens.

[Carson92]

OP, i think you would be doing yourself a favor if you stopped posting in this thread, even stopped visiting the MISC altogether for awhile. you need to get your mind OFF of your failed relationship and your whore of an ex girlfriend. coming in here and posting every day about your feelings....it becomes a cycle where you unconsciously convince yourself you have some kind of emotional illness you're trying to get over. the bottom line is: the longer this girl stays on your mind, the longer it's going to take you to get over her and your depression. the only way to get better is to distract yourself completely. in the end how you feel is what's important though so if coming here and letting it all out is what truly helps you then don't let me stop you. nobody is judging you. just know that nobody but yourself can really help you get over how you're feeling, and you need to be doing the right things to ensure that happens.

It is honestly helping me post in here. Kinda like just keeping a personal log of myself and my state of mind improving. Plus everyone has been super supportive which is nice.

[beepec]

When you get drunk, give your phone to your friends and make sure all your contact to her is broken off in every manner.

Delete her number so you can't contact her even of you want to

[Carson92]

Delete her number so you can't contact her even of you want to

Still have a ton of her stuff at my house, and if her roommate sucks and falls through I gotta get it back to her somehow...

[S_P_Q_R]

The sign of a mature person is the ability to not get upset when someone hurts them, but to understand their situation.

Understanding their situation will give you more clarity, closure and insight than any amount of vindictive, vengeance.
The situation is simple. She's in a relationship with you, but she got a hotel with an ex-boyfriend on vacation. There isn't much more you need to understand about her situation, there is no excuse for it.

She will tell you she is sorry, she is stressed, has alot on her plate. She will explain her situation, but you need to look at your situation, and ask yourself if this is a woman who really loves and cares for you. Any woman that does would NEVER put you in that situation, so you know the answer.

Her need for space doesn't apply, you don't owe her that favor. Go to her dorm, or see her when you're comfortable doing so. Calmly walk in, sit down with her and tell her that you know about the hotel room with her ex. Tell her there's no explanation necessary, and there is no excuse, the fact that she kept you in the dark is reason enough. Tell her that you're old enough to realize that a woman who loves or cares for you, would never put you in this position. Explain simply that, even if you wanted to love her, you couldn't, because your trust has been broken, and she lied to you. You can be emotional if it warrants it, or you feel that way. Just express yourself, but make sure you drive the point home that it's unacceptable and you've made up your mind, for your own sake as well as hers

As far as I can tell, THAT is the situation. Remember that even if you can forgive, if she is willing to pull moves like that on you, she likely isn't someone who is beneficial to you on a good day.

Also, I'd leave it up to her to pick it up. Be the bigger man, buy a few carboard boxes from Uhaul or wherever and package up everything that is hers. Do it neatly, don't break **** or deface it. If there's anything she misses when she picks it up you can mail it, or she can package it up herself.

Excellent post.

[Mr Beer]

Still have a ton of her stuff at my house, and if her roommate sucks and falls through I gotta get it back to her somehow...

Package it up, if it's not gone in a week, dump it at her place when she's not around.

[Carson92]

Package it up, if it's not gone in a week, dump it at her place when she's not around.

Can't get into her dorm. Plus it'd take me 4 or 5 trips up the stairs to get it all. She was going to be living here this summer so there's a ton of kitchen stuff, a bureau, etc.

[Carson92]

Quick update for those who posted in here and helped me. Stayed in touch with Nick through all this, talking to him once in a while. Ex started talking to him again after a week and a half and he came up to the university for the weekend so they could hang out/catch up/whatever. He picked up all her stuff minus the dresser, including her valentines card to me. He didn't know where to go on campus, so I rode my Harley up and let him follow. Went to shake his hand before I left and saw her coming through the doors of the dorm; shook his hand, put my glove back on, clicked into first and took off. Apparently she left him in the dorm last night while she went out partying with some really nasty looking people (saw snapchat story).

According to Nick she has wanted to text me and talk but wanted to give me time to think. I let Nick know I've thought about it all by now so we'll see if she tries to contact me. Meanwhile, I've stayed NC the whole time. She started liking all my posts on social media again, including a status that was basically a big F-U to her. If she wants to talk, I'm gonna break NC and talk to her. I feel a lot was left unsaid, and I know full well this could hurt like hell talking to her, but all the questions/wondering has been crushing me just as badly lately. Basically just plan to ask her "was it worth it" and if she says no, then simply ask why and play it by ear from then. Gonna stay strong and constantly question her statements, referencing back to how I can't trust her due to her lying to my face for a month, etc. Been thinking it through a lot and consulting friends on it, so I think I have a pretty good grasp on how to handle it. Still have a pounding in the back of my head reminding me of what she did so I doubt it's gonna be hard to lose sight of that, but who knows what could happen.

Honestly even an apology at this point from her could make me feel better.

[Energyy]

Quick update for those who posted in here and helped me. Stayed in touch with Nick through all this, talking to him once in a while. Ex started talking to him again after a week and a half and he came up to the university for the weekend so they could hang out/catch up/whatever. He picked up all her stuff minus the dresser, including her valentines card to me. He didn't know where to go on campus, so I rode my Harley up and let him follow. Went to shake his hand before I left and saw her coming through the doors of the dorm; shook his hand, put my glove back on, clicked into first and took off. Apparently she left him in the dorm last night while she went out partying with some really nasty looking people (saw snapchat story).

According to Nick she has wanted to text me and talk but wanted to give me time to think. I let Nick know I've thought about it all by now so we'll see if she tries to contact me. Meanwhile, I've stayed NC the whole time. She started liking all my posts on social media again, including a status that was basically a big F-U to her. If she wants to talk, I'm gonna break NC and talk to her. I feel a lot was left unsaid, and I know full well this could hurt like hell talking to her, but all the questions/wondering has been crushing me just as badly lately. Basically just plan to ask her "was it worth it" and if she says no, then simply ask why and play it by ear from then. Gonna stay strong and constantly question her statements, referencing back to how I can't trust her due to her lying to my face for a month, etc. Been thinking it through a lot and consulting friends on it, so I think I have a pretty good grasp on how to handle it. Still have a pounding in the back of my head reminding me of what she did so I doubt it's gonna be hard to lose sight of that, but who knows what could happen.

Honestly even an apology at this point from her could make me feel better.

beta move. your ability to move on from this relationship is you getting closure from some sloot that cheated on you? Keep your chin up and move on. Considering negging just for considering to break NC. We've all been here. It's not worth it.

[AirJordanB]

Quick update for those who posted in here and helped me. Stayed in touch with Nick through all this, talking to him once in a while. Ex started talking to him again after a week and a half and he came up to the university for the weekend so they could hang out/catch up/whatever. He picked up all her stuff minus the dresser, including her valentines card to me. He didn't know where to go on campus, so I rode my Harley up and let him follow. Went to shake his hand before I left and saw her coming through the doors of the dorm; shook his hand, put my glove back on, clicked into first and took off. Apparently she left him in the dorm last night while she went out partying with some really nasty looking people (saw snapchat story).

According to Nick she has wanted to text me and talk but wanted to give me time to think. I let Nick know I've thought about it all by now so we'll see if she tries to contact me. Meanwhile, I've stayed NC the whole time. She started liking all my posts on social media again, including a status that was basically a big F-U to her. If she wants to talk, I'm gonna break NC and talk to her. I feel a lot was left unsaid, and I know full well this could hurt like hell talking to her, but all the questions/wondering has been crushing me just as badly lately. Basically just plan to ask her "was it worth it" and if she says no, then simply ask why and play it by ear from then. Gonna stay strong and constantly question her statements, referencing back to how I can't trust her due to her lying to my face for a month, etc. Been thinking it through a lot and consulting friends on it, so I think I have a pretty good grasp on how to handle it. Still have a pounding in the back of my head reminding me of what she did so I doubt it's gonna be hard to lose sight of that, but who knows what could happen.

Honestly even an apology at this point from her could make me feel better.

[Carson92]

beta move. your ability to move on from this relationship is you getting closure from some sloot that cheated on you? Keep your chin up and move on. Considering negging just for considering to break NC. We've all been here. It's not worth it.

Haven't done a thing yet. Just what's been going through my mind. Not a chance in hell we'll get back together, but just a lingering thought in the back of my mind that if she thinks what she did was ok and justified it, she needs to be reminded it wasn't and what she lost because of it. Again, haven't made any final decisions of if I'll actually talk to her or not, just what I've been thinking for a few days.

[Mr Beer]

LOL, you shouldn't talk to her, what do you think you'll get out of that anyway? You're going to do what you want, so when you do talk to her and don't magically feel better and it takes longer to get over her, remember my post and think "yep Mr Beer was right".

[Carson92]

LOL, you shouldn't talk to her, what do you think you'll get out of that anyway? You're going to do what you want, so when you do talk to her and don't magically feel better and it takes longer to get over her, remember my post and think "yep Mr Beer was right".

The satisfaction of making her well aware of how badly she ****ed up/how much she lost. I suppose that's about it. If we ended up talking and you were right, I will gladly post in here admitting you were right and I was wrong.

[AirJordanB]

The satisfaction of making her well aware of how badly she ****ed up/how much she lost.

That satisfaction won't compare to the satisfaction she got from the D she was riding while cheating on you.

You shouldn't talk to her again. Doing so will phuck your mind up and you'll get drawn back in.

[Seahaven]

If you want to speak with her, speak with her. If you want to NC her, NC her. Be your own man.

[NBSprinter]

The satisfaction of making her well aware of how badly she ****ed up/how much she lost. I suppose that's about it. If we ended up talking and you were right, I will gladly post in here admitting you were right and I was wrong.

How will you feel if she tells you the guy had a 9" cawk when you're trying to make her feel like chit? Don't bother, just laugh at the texts she sends you and ignores

[Mr Beer]

The satisfaction of making her well aware of how badly she ****ed up/how much she lost.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

...excuse me...

AHAHAHAHHAHAHA!

*wipes eyes*

Dude, she either knows or she doesn't, I can tell you that you telling her how much she missed out on is going to achieve the exact opposite effect to the one you want.

[kjoel007]

Carson92: NO closure, satisfaction, happiness or peace will come by you interacting with her in any way. No words this cheating sloot can possibly utter have any value to you anymore! Your closure, peace and happiness will come as a result of overcoming the demons you are facing right now of loneliness, betrayal, etc. You ONLY want to break NC because you "miss her or what you had", don't do it.

Do you understand my son? Please do not talk to her, and continue NC, and overcome your demons, and you will, I am in the process of overcoming them as well, we all are.

[Pexium]

Just saw OP's update. Do NOT break NC! Everything you said about trying to get her to realize her mistake is just justification for talking to her because you miss her whether you realize it or not. You've done great up until this point and after reading 5 pages of this thread I've been super proud, but cringed and that latest update. We know how hard it is to move on and you can act like you're doing well and everything, but keep it real bro. You miss her and have an illogical hope that SOMEHOW talking to her will make the pain go away. We've all been there. But listen to a clear-minded outsider point of view. This whole keeping her # thing and wanting to talk to her again is just you not wanting to 100% move on.

We are not your mom and you can do whatever you want but just know that the clear-cut answer is to NOT break NC in this situation.

[Carson92]

Done a lot better the past few days. Just forming the argument in my head, thinking of how I could pick her apart helped me realize she isn't even worth the breath I'd use to tell her all this. I sure as hell won't reach out to her, if she reaches out to me I may just one word respond a few times if that.