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  1. #1
    Banned _AdaM_'s Avatar
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    Church Hires JK Rowling (Harry Potter writer) To Rewrite The Bible

    Come on Christian brahs...


    The latest PR coup for Pope Francis has seen him hire famous and revered children’s author JK Rowling to rewrite the Bible.

    It is hoped the author, most famous for her Harry Potter series, can make it more accessible and believable for a new generation of Catholics and Christians.

    While the specifics of the rewrite are not yet known, it is believed Rowling is tasked with producing a compelling tale that young Catholics and Christians can engage with. Figures such as dementors and other popular creations may take the place of less realistic Biblical creatures such as unicorns and the leviathon.

    “We are very happy Miss Rowling has agreed to the rewrite, we keenly await the first draft,” a Vatican insider told WWN.

    Rowling’s selection has raised some eyebrows but the decision by Pope Francis to select the wildly popular author is mainly due to commercial concerns.

    “The sales of the Jesus Christ action figure have dropped by over 200% in the last 10 years, we are in need of new, compelling and toy-friendly characters…like the dinosaur in Toy Story,” a source close to the Pope told WWN.

    “Our revenue streams are shrinking so the more Hollywood-esque the better,” the source concluded.

    Rowling has thus far remained tight lipped on her vision for the Bible and its merry band of characters but a number of Hollywood producers are in discussions to turn it into a movie.

    In the last century many Christian leaders have offered revisions on the interpretations of many of the Bible’s passages but Rowling is expected to take a more drastic approach.

    “Judas is probably going to wear a leather jacket and JK is toying with the idea of a nervous twitch or even an eye-patch. Also why have one book when can have more? She is thinking of splitting it up into 9, maybe 10 books” the author’s publicist shared with WWN.

    http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/201...ite-the-bible/
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  2. #2
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    This is off topic, but I saw JK Rowling in Edinburgh last year when I was in Starbucks.

    Anyway, I'm leaving now.
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  3. #3
    Banned _AdaM_'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TheGainsBrah View Post
    This is off topic, but I saw JK Rowling in Edinburgh last year when I was in Starbucks.

    Anyway, I'm leaving now.
    I just searched her net worth... $1 BILLION


    $1 BILLION

    Anyway, I'm leaving now too
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  4. #4
    Banned No7's Avatar
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    inb4 pope hermione I eliminates the aids epidemic by curing all the gays

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  5. #5
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    OP not sherrif trolling or unawarez that satire
    "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity"

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  6. #6
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    North Korea just confirmed it has landed a man on the sun!
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  7. #7
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  8. #8
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    Originally Posted by _AdaM_ View Post
    I just searched her net worth... $1 BILLION

    $1 BILLION

    Anyway, I'm leaving now too
    Is that a US billion or a UK billion?
    The art of DECEPTION - disinformation tips and tricks

    1. Use a straw man
    2. Sidetrack opponents with name calling and ridicule (kooks, right-wing, liberal, terrorists, conspiracy buffs, etc)
    3. Hit and Run attack of your opponent (attack their position and then simply ignore)
    4. Play Dumb (avoid discussing issues except any deny any credibility)
    5. Ignore facts presented, demand impossible proofs
    6. Become incredulous and indignant (Avoid discussing key issues and focus on side issues)
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  9. #9
    Registered User ZioBot's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by essenn View Post
    Is that a US billion or a UK billion?
    the clue is in the dollar sign you remedial.
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  10. #10
    This Thread Sucks NickA44's Avatar
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    how many horcrux's do you think jesus will have?
    Carolina Panthers

    #clanginandbangin
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  11. #11
    Quid est veritas? lasher's Avatar
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    OP you're not serious, right?
    “Three things are necessary for the salvation of man: to know what he ought to believe; to know what he ought to desire; and to know what he ought to do.” ― St. Thomas Aquinas


    I like passing by the priest after Mass and saying, "amateur" before walking off.
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  12. #12
    Registered User ZioBot's Avatar
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    they should bring Alfonso Cuarón back to direct imo

    Special effects by God
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