Married with a kid but fallen for another girl

[Olly87]

I'm 26 and have been with my wife for 8 years, married for 4 and we have a 3 year old girl together.

This girl i'll call her Megan, she's 2 years younger than me started at my work about 9 months ago, we got on well and it started off with us just spending our lunch break together,then she joined my gym and we always workout together before playing badminton/tennis/swimming or just relaxing in the jacuzzi/sauna - things i've always wanted to do with my wife but she isn't interested in, she's into martial arts, sporty like me and we have lots more in common, plus her ex had a little boy so i know she would be good with my daughter.

Megan's told me she's fallen in love with me and i feel the same way. I connect with her in a way me and my wife never have and she says i'm her best friend, we are similar people, always make each other laugh, i'm massively attracted to her and think about her all the time.

Me and my wife have never had a proper sex life, we were close friends before we became a couple and she told me then she doesn't enjoy sex so i knew what i was letting myself in for when we got together. She's affectionate in that she loves kisses and cuddles but when we rarely have sex she shows little enthusiasm, she refuses to go on top and she's never even given me a handjob as she says it hurts her arm lol.

I've thought of having an affair, and tried to justify this to myself thinking that my wife makes no effort to please me in bed so why shouldn't i cheat on her but deep down i know it's wrong and i'd feel like s*** if i did, plus that wouldn't be fair to Megan either, but then again i could leave my wife, get with Megan and it might not work out and then i've ruined my marriage and split up my family for nothing.

I worry how my wife would cope if i left her, since leaving her job she only really has 2 friends and they have both since moved away, so if i left her then our daughter and her mum would be all she has left and i know it would break her heart.

What would you do in my situation?

[skel1977]

I know right, think of the kids not your peenor

[InstantLoser]

Aside from the reasons stated by other posters, if she's someone you work with, you should steer clear. Otherwise, I foresee you not only losing your wife, half your crap in a divorce, paying child support until your kid is 18, but also losing your job when "Megan" decides your relationship is over and reports you to management just to be vindictive.

Don't do it OP.

[zobara]

So Boss,

You had your 4 years of flirting before you got married. So it is not a "thunder love" ended in a church thing. But probably you had many things in common and you decided to get married. She was the Queen and You were the King. You two were each others priorities. Probably for that 5 years (4 years before marriage and 1 year married) you had good times. maybe different one from this new girl but apparently those were good enough for you to decide to "promise to be true to each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health."

Then you had your baby girl. then your queen became a Mother! Her priority has changed. Probably due to this shift of the focus, most of the time you feel she is not as attracted to you or attracting you with her current mindset. And you say she left her job and almost cut the communication from outside.

Let me tell you probably she doesnt feel like "the woman" she felt 4 or 5 years ago. That is why she is not making you feel like "the man" you felt 4 or 5 years ago. these were feelings bonded you together.

So with the introduction of this new lady, you have started to feel like "the man" again. so you tend to lean towards this feeling. But you can be sure that it is temporary. If that new girl is close enough just plainly ask her what she would think about a man who leaves his wife and 3 years girl for another woman... Yes good for laughs, yes good for sex, but big no no for the husband material. he did it once, he can do it again and again... maybe we are not talkin about you being a husband to this girl, but you already have mentioned leaving your wife etc....

So this creates the dilemma even for the new girl. she has good time with you, good laughters, fallen in love, she trusts you, but no she cannot trust you fully. You see, it is not a win at all.

so leave the girl aside. you are married with a kid. and it seems you still care for your wife and kid. instead of looking for the feeling of being "the man" outside, try to wake this feeling again inside. so you have to make your wife feel "the woman" again. You are young people. I think it is too early to stay home for the rest of her life. Depending on the situation of the child care that you can have in your area, make your wife start to work again. Recreate the bonds of her with outside world. When she gets outside, she will start to feel like "the woman" again. then there will be a chance for both of you.

Be the man of your woman. not anyone else. If you still care for your family.


I am aware long reply will bring neg/red. but thought the OP was srs, then i tried to reply srs.

[giffed]

^^^^

Good post. Take note OP

[WormyJackal]

I think it's funny that people won't put a limit on the amount of people you can love, like family members etc, but when it come to acts of sexuality you are limited to just loving one person in that way. I dunno what to tell you OP.

[happywithit]

Get relationship councilling. If you move on to Megan then wife moves on too. She may meet someone hundreds of miles away from you like i have since my ex gave in to his penor. He Will see our son once a month.

PS
His relationship with girl he left us for only lasted a year before she left him.

[jeffl1980]

I've thought of having an affair

News Flash!!!!! You already are having an emotional affair. You are cheating on your wife and you need to get this in your head.

You need to
A) Cut contact with "Megan" and never see or talk to her again
or
B) End things asap with your wife.

There really is no option c) unless you want to continue cheating on your wife until she finds out.

[B.L.A.C.K]

You really need talk to your wife and the female works with you not a good look

[PotatosGonPotat]

So Boss,

You had your 4 years of flirting before you got married. So it is not a "thunder love" ended in a church thing. But probably you had many things in common and you decided to get married. She was the Queen and You were the King. You two were each others priorities. Probably for that 5 years (4 years before marriage and 1 year married) you had good times. maybe different one from this new girl but apparently those were good enough for you to decide to "promise to be true to each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health."

Then you had your baby girl. then your queen became a Mother! Her priority has changed. Probably due to this shift of the focus, most of the time you feel she is not as attracted to you or attracting you with her current mindset. And you say she left her job and almost cut the communication from outside.

Let me tell you probably she doesnt feel like "the woman" she felt 4 or 5 years ago. That is why she is not making you feel like "the man" you felt 4 or 5 years ago. these were feelings bonded you together.

So with the introduction of this new lady, you have started to feel like "the man" again. so you tend to lean towards this feeling. But you can be sure that it is temporary. If that new girl is close enough just plainly ask her what she would think about a man who leaves his wife and 3 years girl for another woman... Yes good for laughs, yes good for sex, but big no no for the husband material. he did it once, he can do it again and again... maybe we are not talkin about you being a husband to this girl, but you already have mentioned leaving your wife etc....

So this creates the dilemma even for the new girl. she has good time with you, good laughters, fallen in love, she trusts you, but no she cannot trust you fully. You see, it is not a win at all.

so leave the girl aside. you are married with a kid. and it seems you still care for your wife and kid. instead of looking for the feeling of being "the man" outside, try to wake this feeling again inside. so you have to make your wife feel "the woman" again. You are young people. I think it is too early to stay home for the rest of her life. Depending on the situation of the child care that you can have in your area, make your wife start to work again. Recreate the bonds of her with outside world. When she gets outside, she will start to feel like "the woman" again. then there will be a chance for both of you.

Be the man of your woman. not anyone else. If you still care for your family.


I am aware long reply will bring neg/red. but thought the OP was srs, then i tried to reply srs.

Listen to this man. Great advice itt

[Legend1617]

Get relationship councilling. If you move on to Megan then wife moves on too. She may meet someone hundreds of miles away from you like i have since my ex gave in to his penor. He Will see our son once a month.

PS
His relationship with girl he left us for only lasted a year before she left him.

d*mn I hope you never take him back to that sucks..a lot of good advice itt

[Olly87]

Thanks for the advice, i'm not gonna rush into a decision.
I do love my wife but I don't adore her the way i did when we got married, and not in the way a husband should.

I guess my options are either be selfish and break up my family to be with the girl i'm crazy about, or leave my job, cut contact with Megan and stay with my wife only so i don't hurt her or my daughter. This isn't some infactuation i have with Megan I've fallen for her big time.

[backmarker]

So Boss,

You had your 4 years of flirting before you got married. So it is not a "thunder love" ended in a church thing. But probably you had many things in common and you decided to get married. She was the Queen and You were the King. You two were each others priorities. Probably for that 5 years (4 years before marriage and 1 year married) you had good times. maybe different one from this new girl but apparently those were good enough for you to decide to "promise to be true to each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health."

Then you had your baby girl. then your queen became a Mother! Her priority has changed. Probably due to this shift of the focus, most of the time you feel she is not as attracted to you or attracting you with her current mindset. And you say she left her job and almost cut the communication from outside.

Let me tell you probably she doesnt feel like "the woman" she felt 4 or 5 years ago. That is why she is not making you feel like "the man" you felt 4 or 5 years ago. these were feelings bonded you together.

So with the introduction of this new lady, you have started to feel like "the man" again. so you tend to lean towards this feeling. But you can be sure that it is temporary. If that new girl is close enough just plainly ask her what she would think about a man who leaves his wife and 3 years girl for another woman... Yes good for laughs, yes good for sex, but big no no for the husband material. he did it once, he can do it again and again... maybe we are not talkin about you being a husband to this girl, but you already have mentioned leaving your wife etc....

So this creates the dilemma even for the new girl. she has good time with you, good laughters, fallen in love, she trusts you, but no she cannot trust you fully. You see, it is not a win at all.

so leave the girl aside. you are married with a kid. and it seems you still care for your wife and kid. instead of looking for the feeling of being "the man" outside, try to wake this feeling again inside. so you have to make your wife feel "the woman" again. You are young people. I think it is too early to stay home for the rest of her life. Depending on the situation of the child care that you can have in your area, make your wife start to work again. Recreate the bonds of her with outside world. When she gets outside, she will start to feel like "the woman" again. then there will be a chance for both of you.

Be the man of your woman. not anyone else. If you still care for your family.


I am aware long reply will bring neg/red. but thought the OP was srs, then i tried to reply srs.

Nuff said

[corpsedub]

so, you settled when you met your wife. you decided, that was it, she wasent the one, but she was good enough. years went by and you had a child. you made all these choices consciously. you had every right to say "perhaps this is not the best idea for me to do". you had every right to say "is this really what i want to do?" perhaps you never knew that something better could come along? sometimes that happens. more than less it happens and to a lot of people. you are not alone in that regard. people make life changing dissensions every day that may not be right for them.

now, we have to put some things into perspective.



you have history and stability with your wife. other girl, who knows??? is that worth the risk of destroying your wife and making your kid suffer a divorce? your child will be hurt and troubled for life. your child will have abandonment issues. is the new girl really worth that man?

i understand how you feel however. being trapped in something that is just not right anymore. finally waking up when that right person walks into your life.

but you made life altering choices beforehand. you built your cage. now make the sacrifice for your child.

[Isabeli]

.

I've thought of having an affair,

You are already having an affair. Just because your genitals haven't touched yet...does not mean you are not cheating on your wife already. I mean you're thinking about how this other woman would be with your daughter. That's cold.
lol

[SymphonyXXX]

Thanks for the advice, i'm not gonna rush into a decision.
I do love my wife but I don't adore her the way i did when we got married, and not in the way a husband should.

I guess my options are either be selfish and break up my family to be with the girl i'm crazy about, or leave my job, cut contact with Megan and stay with my wife only so i don't hurt her or my daughter. This isn't some infactuation i have with Megan I've fallen for her big time.

Yea, it's cause your wife got ugly and you don't want to **** her anymore. If she gained weight, tell her to lose it.

Let me further break it down for you: You do not love Megan. You want to **** Megan. You want to **** Megan so much and so good because your wife, in her quest to be one with Po, the red Teletubbie (such a disturbing show, but I just cannot help but think of the nausea her jiggly FUPA envokes in my mind), has let herself go in some way. It could be either 1. sexual. 2. physical. 3. emotional.

Sexual meaning she doesn't feel the tingly sensations for you either because you're a little bitch and you don't turn her on, either.
Physical meaning she got fat or ugly, or, worse: both.
Emotional meaning a trifecta of **** feelings are dominating her: she feels fat, she is fat, and her husband doesn't want to **** her --- or --- You act like a pussy, which is hinted by starting this thread, she is fat and she doesn't want to **** you.

The truest answer is that it is a perfect storm of many of these feelings, including, but not limited to your inability to be a man, since you probably did not have enough time to become a man (you got into your relationship too early on), your wife is sexually frustrated because you act like a bitch and frustrate her natural needs, thus she ignores your ass and isn't giving you anal, etc. Think about it. It really all boils down to you being a little bitch and her being frustrated at that fact, coupled with the fact that she feels un-wanted because she got fat.

The truth is out somewhere in there, but, you're still a herbie-hancock and that is the real root cause of it all.

You have lonely-dick-with-a-fat-red-FUPA-to-**** syndrome which is leading to your cock feeling left out in the cold and hungry for juicy pussy. You got yourself in this mess.

Oh, and this is PO:

PO:

[Boffothe]

Everything you do must be based on the assumption that your breakup will go horribly, the courts will be heavily biased against you, and you will have very limited access to your daughter.

If that's cool with you for some new piece of pussy, hey, rock her world pal.

[aintevenmad]

Nothing borne from sin will end in grace.

You have shown Megan you have no regard for relationships. She will always wonder if you will do this to her. Which will probably make her do it to you.


And then we will laugh and laugh and laugh and then cry that people like you exist.

[mydawgs]

If you are going to stay - fix your marriage. An unhealthy relationship is more destructive to a child than you can imagine.

You deserve to be happy, but you made a commitment. So did she so she must do her part in repairing this marriage, it cannot be done alone.

Good luck.

[happywithit]

Nothing borne from sin will end in grace.

You have shown Megan you have no regard for relationships. She will always wonder if you will do this to her. Which will probably make her do it to you.


And then we will laugh and laugh and laugh and then cry that people like you exist.

In my sons dads case... she just didnt take his 'commitment' serious as he couldnt even commit to his son... so why would he commit to her?

as mentioned above... he was a fun toy for her to play with but she didnt really want him or his son as a fixture in her life.
Post by zobara is dead on the mark.

[Olly87]

Nothing borne from sin will end in grace.

You have shown Megan you have no regard for relationships. She will always wonder if you will do this to her. Which will probably make her do it to you.


And then we will laugh and laugh and laugh and then cry that people like you exist.

To be fair i haven't done anything wrong ...yet.

Sure I've let myself fall for someone else but i haven't told her how i feel, i don't want to feel this way about her but as the saying goes you can't help who you fall for

[aintevenmad]

In my sons dads case... she just didnt take his 'commitment' serious as he couldnt even commit to his son... so why would he commit to her?

as mentioned above... he was a fun toy for her to play with but she didnt really want him or his son as a fixture in her life.
Post by zobara is dead on the mark.

Of course, why should she ? Marriage is the most committed thing you can do, and he failed at it, what the hell can he offer her ?

[aintevenmad]

To be fair i haven't done anything wrong ...yet.

Sure I've let myself fall for someone else but i haven't told her how i feel, i don't want to feel this way about her but as the saying goes you can't help who you fall for

Cognitive dissonance at its finest.

Youve been chilling with some bish whos in love with you in a sauna and jacuzzi yet youve done nothing wrong.
Hahahahahahahaha

[jeffl1980]

To be fair i haven't done anything wrong ...yet.

Are you serious? You are already having an emotional affair. Trust me when I say this.......Your wife would rather you admit to f**king another woman than being in love with another woman.

[happywithit]

Im curious OP.

Has 'Megan' ever been cheated on?
Also has she evercome between a couple before?

[Olly87]

Cognitive dissonance at its finest.

Youve been chilling with some bish whos in love with you in a sauna and jacuzzi yet youve done nothing wrong.
Hahahahahahahaha

My wife's always known about our friendship and had no problem with it, it's not like I've been sneaking round her place and telling lies she knows i sometimes chill with her in the Jacuzzi, and Megan only told me she loves me like a week before xmas though i admit i suspected she liked me long before that.

It's shocking how some people think that if someone's a bad husband then that means they're a bad dad as well, even if me and my wife split i will still see my girl all the time and she will not by any means be any less loved or have a bad life.

Happywhit - yes she's been cheated on and she hasn't been between a couple before

[aintevenmad]

My wife's always known about our friendship and had no problem with it, it's not like I've been sneaking round her place and telling lies she knows i sometimes chill with her in the Jacuzzi, and Megan only told me she loves me like a week before xmas though i admit i suspected she liked me long before that.

It's shocking how some people think that if someone's a bad husband then that means they're a bad dad as well, even if me and my wife split i will still see my girl all the time and she will not by any means be any less loved or have a bad life.

Happywhit - yes she's been cheated on and she hasn't been between a couple before

Poor dumb doormat of a wife.

You should have not spent a damn second longer with Megan once your dink started to twitch and your heart started to beat faster at the sight of her.

[284Shooter]

To be fair i haven't done anything wrong ...yet.

Sure I've let myself fall for someone else but i haven't told her how i feel, i don't want to feel this way about her but as the saying goes you can't help who you fall for

^^^^^WRONG.

Pull you head out of your azz!!!!

[InstantLoser]

My wife's always known about our friendship and had no problem with it, it's not like I've been sneaking round her place and telling lies she knows i sometimes chill with her in the Jacuzzi, and Megan only told me she loves me like a week before xmas though i admit i suspected she liked me long before that.

You're trying to rationalize something you know is wrong. You've known for some time that it wasn't a plutonic relationship. You came here asking for advice, but I can tell you're not going to listen.

[Olly87]

Poor dumb doormat of a wife.

You should have not spent a damn second longer with Megan once your dink started to twitch and your heart started to beat faster at the sight of her.

Not really a doormat, i never complained when she used to stay out with her guy friends til 3am so she doesn't complain when i have girl mates.

I can't really argue with the last bit but i do work with her so it's hard and it would look a bit dodgy if i asked her to stop hanging around me all the time and to stop going gym with me without admitting i have feelings for her.