Married with a kid but fallen for another girl

[mydawgs]

In 18 years, someone is going to be stuffing bitcoins into your daughter's g-string because of your actions in the present after this marriage implodes. Once you decide to have kids, your time to be selfish has ended.

Wow so well said, reps

[IBench5Pounds]

Bro, you settled. You weighed the pros and cons of settling when you married, you said it yourself by coming to terms with the fact that your wife was frigid. So far you've enjoyed the pros of having done so, now you don't want to live with the cons of the situation. My first bit of advice is don't listen to some of the women on this. Most women in this thread seem vindictive more than helpful. If EVERYTHING is green with your wife don't compromise it for another women. As some other people have mentioned, keep in mind Megan wants to be with a married man. Her morals can't be that great if she's willing to do this, not someone you wanna wife.

Also, there's a huge point to this that everyone's ignored and that's:

Not really a doormat, i never complained when she used to stay out with her guy friends til 3am so she doesn't complain when i have girl mates.

You deffo need to go into more detail about this. This to me would be a HUGE red light. Weak sex life, long term friends before getting married, early marriage, and not establishing boundaries to prevent stuff like this? Sounds like there's more to this story of being unhappy than what you're telling OP

[Oscar69er]

I can't really argue with the last bit but i do work with her so it's hard and it would look a bit dodgy if i asked her to stop hanging around me all the time and to stop going gym with me without admitting i have feelings for her.

I thought she's the one that confessed love to you? You can cut contact without admitting anything, you have a wife and Megan should understand and be sorry!!!! I'll tell you more, if she's really in love with you, you NEED to cut contact with her for her own good if you are to stay with your wife.

Have you tried talking to your wife, working things out? Aren't there some ways to increase libido in women, Tribulus?

[elterrible987]

I'm 26 and have been with my wife for 8 years, married for 4 and we have a 3 year old girl together.

This girl i'll call her Megan, she's 2 years younger than me started at my work about 9 months ago, we got on well and it started off with us just spending our lunch break together,then she joined my gym and we always workout together before playing badminton/tennis/swimming or just relaxing in the jacuzzi/sauna - things i've always wanted to do with my wife but she isn't interested in, she's into martial arts, sporty like me and we have lots more in common, plus her ex had a little boy so i know she would be good with my daughter.

Megan's told me she's fallen in love with me and i feel the same way. I connect with her in a way me and my wife never have and she says i'm her best friend, we are similar people, always make each other laugh, i'm massively attracted to her and think about her all the time.

Me and my wife have never had a proper sex life, we were close friends before we became a couple and she told me then she doesn't enjoy sex so i knew what i was letting myself in for when we got together. She's affectionate in that she loves kisses and cuddles but when we rarely have sex she shows little enthusiasm, she refuses to go on top and she's never even given me a handjob as she says it hurts her arm lol.

I've thought of having an affair, and tried to justify this to myself thinking that my wife makes no effort to please me in bed so why shouldn't i cheat on her but deep down i know it's wrong and i'd feel like s*** if i did, plus that wouldn't be fair to Megan either, but then again i could leave my wife, get with Megan and it might not work out and then i've ruined my marriage and split up my family for nothing.

I worry how my wife would cope if i left her, since leaving her job she only really has 2 friends and they have both since moved away, so if i left her then our daughter and her mum would be all she has left and i know it would break her heart.

What would you do in my situation?

Go to marriage counseling. They will tell your wife how important sex is but they will say it in a different way to her than you do, talking like a counselor and such. She may take their advice, I dont think it can hurt.

[elterrible987]

Have you tried talking to your wife, working things out? Aren't there some ways to increase libido in women, Tribulus?

Yeah also OP is your wife on birth control or any medication, especially SSRI's / antidepressants - because those can kill sex drive. In that case talk with her doctor on that and try switching medications or other options.

[Boffothe]

You deffo need to go into more detail about this. This to me would be a HUGE red light. Weak sex life, long term friends before getting married, early marriage, and not establishing boundaries to prevent stuff like this? Sounds like there's more to this story of being unhappy than what you're telling OP

I noticed this as well. I'm imagining him tearfully confessing his indiscretions to his wife, and her responding "oh well nobody's perfect honey we all make mistakes it could happen to anyone!" while sweating furiously and trying to hide her hickies.

For the love of god, people, don't get married unless you are absolutely head over heels passionately in love with the woman. Do not ever settle.

[aintevenmad]

Bro, you settled. You weighed the pros and cons of settling when you married, you said it yourself by coming to terms with the fact that your wife was frigid. So far you've enjoyed the pros of having done so, now you don't want to live with the cons of the situation. My first bit of advice is don't listen to some of the women on this. Most women in this thread seem vindictive more than helpful. If EVERYTHING is green with your wife don't compromise it for another women. As some other people have mentioned, keep in mind Megan wants to be with a married man. Her morals can't be that great if she's willing to do this, not someone you wanna wife.

Also, there's a huge point to this that everyone's ignored and that's:


You deffo need to go into more detail about this. This to me would be a HUGE red light. Weak sex life, long term friends before getting married, early marriage, and not establishing boundaries to prevent stuff like this? Sounds like there's more to this story of being unhappy than what you're telling OP

Oh good,im not the only one screaming "fking white people, man".

[IBench5Pounds]

Oh good,im not the only one screaming "fking white people, man".

Jaja que?

EDIT: ماذا؟ (loled at sig)

I noticed this as well. I'm imagining him tearfully confessing his indiscretions to his wife, and her responding "oh well nobody's perfect honey we all make mistakes it could happen to anyone!" while sweating furiously and trying to hide her hickies.

For the love of god, people, don't get married unless you are absolutely head over heels passionately in love with the woman. Do not ever settle.

If I'm totally honest I would bet a pretty penny in saying that OP got cheated on by his wife pre-baby. And this. I don't get people. How the **** do so many people marry like it's nothing, let alone have kids?

[AJ7123]

If I'm totally honest I would bet a pretty penny in saying that OP got cheated on by his wife pre-baby. And this. I don't get people. How the **** do so many people marry like it's nothing, let alone have kids?

So much this.

I see it all the time on Maury. Guy brings wife on to tell her a secret she flips the script and has secrets of her own.

[dancyneptune]

What it sounds like to me, as you have already clearly mentioned, is that the relationship is lacking. She sounds like a great wife. You didn't mention fighting or anything that could lead to potential problems except the sex life. My opinion, I would talk to your wife about how you feel and try to restart your relationship with her by taking her out on dates, make her feel like a women and give her loads of attention. Ask other women on here for tips on how to manage a lacking relationship. She doesn't like sex or being on top? Do something different, please the women! No harm in trying before maybe making the worse decision that is hard to take back. This Megan girl, i say loose all contact.

[Nicolehansen832]

OP I'm not going to call you a selfish kunt as I've counseled many women in your situation.

Raising children is tough and there is a lot of repetitive tasks. That and the passion has worn off. And you got married too young.

99% of affairs do not lead to marriage because of the trust issue.

You feel like you love Meghan but she's an escape from your mundane life. Many people get depressed and think another person will make them feel better.

Get a marriage counselor and some individual counseling so a 3rd party can tell you that an affair is not reality.

And in order to repair your marriage you will need to quit your job and go no contact with Meghan if needed. Otherwise you're doomed.

One woman I know felt this was too drastic and she kept getting sucked back into the emotions every time she saw the man at work.

It's a tough position to be in, especially with a child.

[L_Coops]

Not really a doormat, i never complained when she used to stay out with her guy friends til 3am so she doesn't complain when i have girl mates.

I can't really argue with the last bit but i do work with her so it's hard and it would look a bit dodgy if i asked her to stop hanging around me all the time and to stop going gym with me without admitting i have feelings for her.

OP's not the first one in this relationship to cheat.

Who the hell lets their gf/wife hang out with other men until 3am?

[MrFrumble]

Be a Man and work on your marriage. State what your non-negotiable needs are to your wife. If it is so important, give her an ultimatum, and be prepared to stick to it.

If your wife doesn't care enough about you to figure herself out enough to be able to meet your perfectly normal needs as a Man, then it is time for you to to seperate, staying together for the kids just isn't a good enough excuse. It isn't. I should know.

Should you then seperate/divorce, THEN you are free to pursue new women for a normal relationship.

Don't just "give in" to chemical tingles, throwing your family away, and crushing your spouse, like a woman would do.

[shegotmass]

Honestly it sounds like your wife just kinda let her self go after marriage. Also her not doing certain sexual things wtf sounds like she is not being a good wife either . Good sex is honestly half the relationship for any committed couples even biologically speaking because certain pair bonding chemicals are only released during sex. You should be talking about that with her I personally would never wife a women thats not much into sex.

The other part is that anytime a girl isn't much into sex its because they are getting it from somewhere else or plan on ending it. Don't think she is innocent too because she might be taking it on the side but, staying in a relationship with you for the "family".

Whatever you do don't get rid of Megan because you always need a plan B you should do some more private eye work into the issue of her not wanting sex because that by far is the biggest red flag from women that are cheating in a relationship and she might not be cheating on you with a man it could be a woman.

[happywithit]

If I was such a selfish kunt then i'd be with Megan right now, or at least sleeping with her on the side.
The only thing stopping me leaving my wife at the moment is knowing how much i'd hurt her and splitting up the family.

I'm going to bed now and look forward to seeing how many more people call me a kunt when I check this thread tomorrow, so many people looking down on me but truth is that unless you've been in this sort of situation yourself then you don't know what you would do.

If your wife knows you are spending a lot of time with Megan and leaving her to do the parenting then she vould be witholding sex.
I was in this situatiin as the wife part.


My ex was in your part. Let me tell you something. The other girl was so paranoid. My son was meeting her family members as an 8 month old (killed my heart... will kill your wifes).

Her family were charmed by my son... but then they couldnt really ask much about our son as that would bring up topics about me the mother which put 'other girl' in discomfort.

They felt uncomfortable commenting on her 'parenting' since she wasnt a parent.
His family made her welcome but remained in contact with me which made her feel like an outcast.

She put a lot of pressure on my ex because she felt overwhelmed with guilt.

He was turning to her for an ego stroke, and she stroked it.

He was with her for a year. In that year I made it difficult for him. Of course I let him see his son and be 'family' with the new girl, bUt it was horrific having to let my baby son be a 'family' with these two. He was a baby and SHE was eating at my precious time with my baby. These early years are when all the big changes start.
I wanted to outrage them as much as they had and were outraging me.

I made impossible demands. Pestered them. There relatiinship in hindsight was based on bitching about me. One day I just stopped and started a business and it was at this time, they fell apart.
My ex tried to come back since he was consumed with guilt but i didnt want him and i didnt need him.

In 18 years, someone is going to be stuffing bitcoins into your daughter's g-string because of your actions in the present after this marriage implodes. Once you decide to have kids, your time to be selfish has ended.

I want to tell my son his daddy left for some poosy but can't. Got to keep it civil. Now he is four and his Friends notice and mentiin how he daddy isnt around. He sure as hell he has noticed this but wont ask about it.

Its so dufficult watching your nephews/nieces question where my sons dad is and watch my son leave the room like he is in denial about it and ashamed and doesnt want to hear about it. But then why would he. He already knows he is different.
If he is like this at 4, i hate to think how he is when he is older.

Work it out with wife OP. Your daughter Will withdraw. It Will impact on her loads.

[bh4tmann]

8 years of your time and a kid or giving into your lust for a younger girl. When you have kids you do everything in you power to make it work with your wife if you love her or not until they 18. For the kids sake and so you dont get boned for child support. If you have doubt, dont do it. Better safe then sorry man.

What lust? I recommend OP takes wife to a relationship consultant/therapist. He should also have one session before wife joins and discuss everything he wrote on this thread. Everything seems genuine and if she doesn't understand then she is a problem.

[Konrai]

I'm 26 and have been with my wife for 8 years, married for 4 and we have a 3 year old girl together.

This girl i'll call her Megan, she's 2 years younger than me started at my work about 9 months ago, we got on well and it started off with us just spending our lunch break together,then she joined my gym and we always workout together before playing badminton/tennis/swimming or just relaxing in the jacuzzi/sauna - things i've always wanted to do with my wife but she isn't interested in, she's into martial arts, sporty like me and we have lots more in common, plus her ex had a little boy so i know she would be good with my daughter.

Megan's told me she's fallen in love with me and i feel the same way. I connect with her in a way me and my wife never have and she says i'm her best friend, we are similar people, always make each other laugh, i'm massively attracted to her and think about her all the time.

Me and my wife have never had a proper sex life, we were close friends before we became a couple and she told me then she doesn't enjoy sex so i knew what i was letting myself in for when we got together. She's affectionate in that she loves kisses and cuddles but when we rarely have sex she shows little enthusiasm, she refuses to go on top and she's never even given me a handjob as she says it hurts her arm lol.

I've thought of having an affair, and tried to justify this to myself thinking that my wife makes no effort to please me in bed so why shouldn't i cheat on her but deep down i know it's wrong and i'd feel like s*** if i did, plus that wouldn't be fair to Megan either, but then again i could leave my wife, get with Megan and it might not work out and then i've ruined my marriage and split up my family for nothing.

I worry how my wife would cope if i left her, since leaving her job she only really has 2 friends and they have both since moved away, so if i left her then our daughter and her mum would be all she has left and i know it would break her heart.

What would you do in my situation?

Do you honestly need an answer to this? You are married and on top of that you have a child. Do you not realize that deciding to cheat/leave will not only effect you but your child? Or does your apparent family mean so little to you that you are actually considering this? I am not saying you can't be attracted to someone else but you are blowing this way out of proportion.

You basically stated your main reason you are considering cheating/leaving is because the sex is not what you would like it to be. If that is good enough for you then you should not have gotten married let alone have a child. Get relationship counseling, have more conversations with your wife regarding this major issue. But don't be so excited to get your D wet that you disregard all the other important issues at hand.

Judging by your responses you sound like you partly already have your mind made up. But at the end of the day, you knew how she was and indirectly what to expect, it's up to you if you want to deal with your choices in life or not.

I kind of hope this thread is one big troll.

[anonymous]

I would say to convey these feelings to your wife. Serious. All of it. Let her know that you do want to fix this. Number one reason for divorce is lack of communication. Just communicate with your wife. Ask her what she feels. Obviously, convey these feelings in good order. First, tell her that you love her, love your child, and want to continue being married to her, but I feel...

[Chelbull]

In 18 years, someone is going to be stuffing bitcoins into your daughter's g-string because of your actions in the present after this marriage implodes. Once you decide to have kids, your time to be selfish has ended.

[Dosanjh71]

You've dun goofed OP.
Think about how your kid would possibly feel. What would happen if you got a divorce and you didn't get custody of your kid? Do you understand that your kid would be growing up calling another man "dad" if your wife got custody? You want to get with this other woman because she does kore activities? Do you understand what all the possible out comes could be with this chitty decision? Use your brain OP. Think about your child.

[Weezy32]

Why is this guy green...you are married MARRIED and you have a kid.

Does merrige mean anything anymore?

[Konrai]

Why is this guy green...you are married MARRIED and you have a kid.

Does merrige mean anything anymore?

You will be surprised at the amount of people that will say it 'doesn't really mean anything'.

[Nicolehansen832]

In 18 years, someone is going to be stuffing bitcoins into your daughter's g-string because of your actions in the present after this marriage implodes. Once you decide to have kids, your time to be selfish has ended.

Yes but a lot of people can't handle that the new love stage ends and end up drinking their troubles away, it's not like a parent who is a miserable alcoholic or a serial cheater is much better.

Today's society promotes that you should be in love and have sex 10 times a day, and when that ends you are "unhappy". Our grandparents did not feel that way as often.

[justins1983]

I think it's funny that people won't put a limit on the amount of people you can love, like family members etc, but when it come to acts of sexuality you are limited to just loving one person in that way. I dunno what to tell you OP.

This is the only post in this thread that makes any sense.

[jeffl1980]

Like isn't that the right thing to do when you are starting to get feelings, is to assess the situation

Apparently you do not know what the value of marriage is. If you are married there's no "assigning" the situation with someone else. If you feel that there are issues with your marriage you talk with your wife and seek help if that is what is needed. Marriage isn't a 2 week, 2 month or 2 year commitment......its supposed to be for life. At 23 this is probably hard for you to understand. I'm not saying this in a bad way....this is the reason why people should not get married so young.

[jeffl1980]

In 18 years, someone is going to be stuffing bitcoins into your daughter's g-string because of your actions in the present after this marriage implodes. Once you decide to have kids, your time to be selfish has ended.

Very well said!!

[jquick20]

Ask for a hall pass ?

[morninglory81]

To be fair i haven't done anything wrong ...yet.

Sure I've let myself fall for someone else but i haven't told her how i feel, i don't want to feel this way about her but as the saying goes you can't help who you fall for

You can't help who you fall for? Bull ****! You choose to spend time with her, you have invested and stolen time away from your wife to peruse this new woman. When you are home with your wife you think about this new woman steeling more time from your wife. These are all choices you have made.

Invest that stolen time back in your wife and your marriage or leave but don't say you didn't have a choice in who you fell in love with. You chose where and with whom you spent your time.

You can't help who you fall for!?! What a ****ty cop out excuse! If you want to "love" this other woman, at least own up to the fact that you made this choice!

[Nicolehansen832]

Apparently you do not know what the value of marriage is. If you are married there's no "assigning" the situation with someone else. If you feel that there are issues with your marriage you talk with your wife and seek help if that is what is needed. Marriage isn't a 2 week, 2 month or 2 year commitment......its supposed to be for life. At 23 this is probably hard for you to understand. I'm not saying this in a bad way....this is the reason why people should not get married so young.

A lot of people get married young for the wrong reasons. Most of my gfs got married between 20-23 because one, her sister married young, and the others their friends had weddings and they wanted to wear the pretty dress.

[mydawgs]

Honestly it sounds like your wife just kinda let her self go after marriage. Also her not doing certain sexual things wtf sounds like she is not being a good wife either . Good sex is honestly half the relationship for any committed couples even biologically speaking because certain pair bonding chemicals are only released during sex. You should be talking about that with her I personally would never wife a women thats not much into sex.

The other part is that anytime a girl isn't much into sex its because they are getting it from somewhere else or plan on ending it. Don't think she is innocent too because she might be taking it on the side but, staying in a relationship with you for the "family".

Whatever you do don't get rid of Megan because you always need a plan B you should do some more private eye work into the issue of her not wanting sex because that by far is the biggest red flag from women that are cheating in a relationship and she might not be cheating on you with a man it could be a woman.

Isn't this "monkey branching"

Do you understand the concept of marriage, OP sure doesn't.