Married with a kid but fallen for another girl

[happywithit]

My wife's always known about our friendship and had no problem with it, it's not like I've been sneaking round her place and telling lies she knows i sometimes chill with her in the Jacuzzi, and Megan only told me she loves me like a week before xmas though i admit i suspected she liked me long before that.

It's shocking how some people think that if someone's a bad husband then that means they're a bad dad as well, even if me and my wife split i will still see my girl all the time and she will not by any means be any less loved or have a bad life.

Happywhit - yes she's been cheated on and she hasn't been between a couple before

No one says you are a bad dad but heck. Dont expect your wife to find love next door. If you leave the world becomes her oyster. She will likely internet date and BAM!!!!

Some amazing guy who lives 500 miles away could ask her to live with him.
Has happened with me and happened to two guys I dated too.

The reason I ask about whether she has been cheated on.......

You leave to be with her and she knows you're a cheat.

She knows that if you know a girl for a few months and that girl tell you she loves you, you would drop everything for that new girl.
Your relatiinship will start off with a lot of quedtions and likely continue with alot of suspicions and assumptions.

You need to do whats right for you. Just don't assume you know the ending because you have it all planned out.

Nothing goes according to plan. You're marriage is evidence of that.

I say it so often on this forum but my sons dad is now with a single mother of 4. They seem happy if a little stressed and lacking in the financial department but they make lovely companions and Im sure he will stick with this one but I bet he never expected to be dropped by the penor twitcher and settling with single mum of 4 when he left us.

[jeffl1980]

it would look a bit dodgy if i asked her to stop hanging around me all the time and to stop going gym with me without admitting i have feelings for her.

If she had any respect....even an ounce of respect for your marriage and your wife she would understand. But it's clear she doesn't and neither do you. Get a f**king clue man. Quit trying to make yourself believe you are doing nothing wrong.

And also why does it matter what "Megan" thinks? What about how your wife would feel?

[cheerupemokid]

8 years of your time and 2 kids or giving into your lust for a younger girl. When you have kids you do everything in you power to make it work with your wife if you love her or not until they 18. For the kids sake and so you dont get boned for child support. If you have doubt, dont do it. Better safe then sorry man.

This, OP.

It's not just about you and your wife, you'd be destroying a family and potentially messing your kids up (children that have divorced parents are more likely to drop out of high school, and are more likely to end up in prison, for example).

[Olly87]

If she had any respect....even an ounce of respect for your marriage and your wife she would understand. But it's clear she doesn't and neither do you. Get a f**king clue man. Quit trying to make yourself believe you are doing nothing wrong.

And also why does it matter what "Megan" thinks? What about how your wife would feel?

Another poster was saying something like how its make her cry to know people like me exist, i know im wrong i was really just pointing out that i could of done a lot worse and physically cheated on my wife but i haven't and i know a lot of people would of gave in to their urges.

I do care how my wife feels, if i wasn't thinking of her and my daughter then i wouldn't still be with her now

[Artemis00]

Another poster was saying something like how its make her cry to know people like me exist, i know im wrong i was really just pointing out that i could of done a lot worse and physically cheated on my wife but i haven't and i know a lot of people would of gave in to their urges.

I do care how my wife feels, if i wasn't thinking of her and my daughter then i wouldn't still be with her now

You really don't get it. YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. That is far worse than some ONS. You basically betrayed everything regarding your relationship and the fact that you won't come to terms is a huge problem. Take accountability for your actions and stop acting like you didn't do anything wrong. How would you feel if your wife did this to you?

And also take into consideration what is wrong with this woman "Megan" that she has no issues with messing around with a guy that is married. You are seriously considering giving up your loyal wife for a woman will low standards and morals.

[PotatosGonPotat]

How old is Megan and where are the pictures?

[Johnny21422]

Man don't do it.. You will regret this down the line. Trust me! work on your marriage

[AJ7123]

How old is Megan and where are the pictures?

This.

Why would anyone get married at 22?

[SugarFree1]

Nothing of my own choosing would ever make me want to be a part-time father... If you feel the same then you need to work things out with the wife.

[Olly87]

You really don't get it. YOU FELL IN LOVE WITH ANOTHER WOMAN. That is far worse than some ONS. You basically betrayed everything regarding your relationship and the fact that you won't come to terms is a huge problem. Take accountability for your actions and stop acting like you didn't do anything wrong. How would you feel if your wife did this to you?

And also take into consideration what is wrong with this woman "Megan" that she has no issues with messing around with a guy that is married. You are seriously considering giving up your loyal wife for a woman will low standards and morals.

If my wife cheated on me I would hate her for it, but if she unintentionally fell for another guy though i'd initially be angry I can honestly say I believe I wouldn't hold it against her as long as she never physically cheated while we was together.

Maybe I'm being stupid and only seeing the best in Megan but I don't think she's doing much wrong as I'm the married one i'm the one who's in the wrong not her. She hardly knows my wife so it's hard to feel too much sympathy for someone she's barely spoken to.

[kairulez]

Lettuce be cereal, OP. Your marriage is $hit. You are unhappy. You are not getting laid. That's everything Megan is promising to you. You want that. You crave that. It's natural.

But don't be a fool to believe that it's the solution to your problems. To your unhappiness. If you really want to be happy, you have to fix your marriage. Or divorce.

You can go to marriage counselors, you can talk to your wife about not having sex and how bad it makes you feel. If she is not willing to compromise, then divorce is the only option. And believe me, it will help your child. Instead of raising a child in a bitter environment, separate on good terms and move on with your life. You are young. You have a job.

But there is no way you can be happy with Megan. Don't take that road.

[Artemis00]

If my wife cheated on me I would hate her for it, but if she unintentionally fell for another guy though i'd initially be angry I can honestly say I believe I wouldn't hold it against her as long as she never physically cheated while we was together.

Maybe I'm being stupid and only seeing the best in Megan but I don't think she's doing much wrong as I'm the married one i'm the one who's in the wrong not her. She hardly knows my wife so it's hard to feel too much sympathy for someone she's barely spoken to.

Nothing in this is unintentional. Take full accountability for YOUR actions. You aren't innocent in any of this. Instead of putting the effort into your marriage, you put it towards this coworker while deceiving your wife. That is a conscious choice and thus intentional.

And Megan isn't innocent. She knows you are taken and if she had any values she wouldn't even entertain any ideas with a married man. She doesn't need to have met your wife to have sympathy...she should be able to empathize that she wouldn't appreciate it if she was in your wife's shoes. And if she wouldn't like it being done to her, she shouldn't be doing it to another woman.

Is that really the type of female role model you want for your child? And do you really want to become that type of male role model as well?

[Artemis00]

This isn't some infatuation i have with Megan I've fallen for her big time.

Maybe I'm being stupid and only seeing the best in Megan but I don't think she's doing much wrong

And if you can't see that she is in the wrong and you are only seeing the best in Megan...you ARE in the infatuation stage with Megan. Guess what, that is only temporary and will go away...then you will be right back where you are right now but this time with a woman that will probably monkey branch to the next guy since she has low values.

[supremejd]

So Boss,

You had your 4 years of flirting before you got married. So it is not a "thunder love" ended in a church thing. But probably you had many things in common and you decided to get married. She was the Queen and You were the King. You two were each others priorities. Probably for that 5 years (4 years before marriage and 1 year married) you had good times. maybe different one from this new girl but apparently those were good enough for you to decide to "promise to be true to each other in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health."

Then you had your baby girl. then your queen became a Mother! Her priority has changed. Probably due to this shift of the focus, most of the time you feel she is not as attracted to you or attracting you with her current mindset. And you say she left her job and almost cut the communication from outside.

Let me tell you probably she doesnt feel like "the woman" she felt 4 or 5 years ago. That is why she is not making you feel like "the man" you felt 4 or 5 years ago. these were feelings bonded you together.

So with the introduction of this new lady, you have started to feel like "the man" again. so you tend to lean towards this feeling. But you can be sure that it is temporary. If that new girl is close enough just plainly ask her what she would think about a man who leaves his wife and 3 years girl for another woman... Yes good for laughs, yes good for sex, but big no no for the husband material. he did it once, he can do it again and again... maybe we are not talkin about you being a husband to this girl, but you already have mentioned leaving your wife etc....

So this creates the dilemma even for the new girl. she has good time with you, good laughters, fallen in love, she trusts you, but no she cannot trust you fully. You see, it is not a win at all.

so leave the girl aside. you are married with a kid. and it seems you still care for your wife and kid. instead of looking for the feeling of being "the man" outside, try to wake this feeling again inside. so you have to make your wife feel "the woman" again. You are young people. I think it is too early to stay home for the rest of her life. Depending on the situation of the child care that you can have in your area, make your wife start to work again. Recreate the bonds of her with outside world. When she gets outside, she will start to feel like "the woman" again. then there will be a chance for both of you.

Be the man of your woman. not anyone else. If you still care for your family.


I am aware long reply will bring neg/red. but thought the OP was srs, then i tried to reply srs.

quoting for greatness

[cc19882012]

This is why you don't marry the first thing that shows interest in you.

Abundance mindset not even once

[Menark]

You have been married for 4 years and your wife has already given up, you are still young so just imagine spending another 60 or 70 years with her. Do what makes you happy and doing this new girl sounds like it will make you happy. The kids will get over it.

[gswarrior510]

you are an idiot for getting married so early to a woman you dont love enough to spend your life with, you are an idiot for having a kid with said woman and then you are an idiot for thinking that you fell in love with some random cute whore who is in love with the idea of ****ing a married guy.

[UsernameOfPeace]

OP is a stupid selfish kunt. Megan is a sloot.

Though unfortunate for the wife and kid, maybe these moral lacking morons deserve each other.

[WormyJackal]

This.

Why would anyone get married at 22?

Haha exactly. Dumb

[LovePollution]

It's easy to say "think of your child" and to an extent that is the truth, but I've seen people ruin themselves trying to keep together a relationship with someone they're falling out of love with for the sake of a 'family'. Being left with the never ending thought of 'what if' is absolute torture.

"If you love two people at the same time, choose the second ..."

[skinnybig2]

you are an idiot for getting married so early to a woman you dont love enough to spend your life with, you are an idiot for having a kid with said woman and then you are an idiot for thinking that you fell in love with some random cute whore who is in love with the idea of ****ing a married guy.

This.

OP needs to fix his marriage or get a divorce in which case he will be back on here in a year or two talking about how Megan is boring and he misses his ex-wife.

[Olly87]

Nothing in this is unintentional. Take full accountability for YOUR actions. You aren't innocent in any of this. Instead of putting the effort into your marriage, you put it towards this coworker while deceiving your wife. That is a conscious choice and thus intentional.

And Megan isn't innocent. She knows you are taken and if she had any values she wouldn't even entertain any ideas with a married man. She doesn't need to have met your wife to have sympathy...she should be able to empathize that she wouldn't appreciate it if she was in your wife's shoes. And if she wouldn't like it being done to her, she shouldn't be doing it to another woman.

Is that really the type of female role model you want for your child? And do you really want to become that type of male role model as well?

So you're telling me most people would put the happiness of the wife of the guy they love before their own?
Sorry but that's BS

[Olly87]

OP is a stupid selfish kunt. Megan is a sloot.

Though unfortunate for the wife and kid, maybe these moral lacking morons deserve each other.

If I was such a selfish kunt then i'd be with Megan right now, or at least sleeping with her on the side.
The only thing stopping me leaving my wife at the moment is knowing how much i'd hurt her and splitting up the family.

I'm going to bed now and look forward to seeing how many more people call me a kunt when I check this thread tomorrow, so many people looking down on me but truth is that unless you've been in this sort of situation yourself then you don't know what you would do.

[Bigcarllittlewi]

Ill tell u this, what if a year from now u fallen for another girl... Just sayin op. U have not to be so self centered and think about other people in ur life and not just for urself because thats what marriage is about, family not urself. Its selfish people like u thats why divorce rate is so high. Think about ur daughter, dont fuking have kids and not be responsible for her. Think think *******

[284Shooter]

If I was such a selfish kunt then i'd be with Megan right now, or at least sleeping with her on the side.
The only thing stopping me leaving my wife at the moment is knowing how much i'd hurt her and splitting up the family.

I'm going to bed now and look forward to seeing how many more people call me a kunt when I check this thread tomorrow, so many people looking down on me but truth is that unless you've been in this sort of situation yourself then you don't know what you would do.

Been in that type of situation. Grow some balls, be a man, and be there for your family.

You do not know what any of us have been through. These guys are giving you advice you need to hear, before you F*** everything up.

[Artemis00]

So you're telling me most people would put the happiness of the wife of the guy they love before their own?
Sorry but that's BS

Wow, where in the world did you get that out of what I posted. I said put the effort into your marriage rather than putting it into having an emotional AFFAIR with your coworker.

If I was such a selfish kunt then i'd be with Megan right now, or at least sleeping with her on the side.
The only thing stopping me leaving my wife at the moment is knowing how much i'd hurt her and splitting up the family.

I'm going to bed now and look forward to seeing how many more people call me a kunt when I check this thread tomorrow, so many people looking down on me but truth is that unless you've been in this sort of situation yourself then you don't know what you would do.

And some of us have been in this situation before. I've been in the exact same position as your wife currently is (but no kid). My ex fell "in love" with his married coworker while the entire time he was telling me they were "just friends". I made the mistake of trusting this person that I thought cared about me. That hurt was devastating...it would have been far less painful if he would have had a one night stand with some sloot that he didn't care about instead of finding out that he "fell in love" with this woman, lied to me the entire time (especially every time he said he loved me), made a fool of me in front of all of his coworkers that knew about him an her, and eventually leaving me for her (which was the only way I found out about their emotional affair). The joke though is on her...my ex...exactly like you, isn't capable of loving anyone else except himself.

Good luck with your narcissism goals of 2014.

[mcdojo]

Wow, where in the world did you get that out of what I posted. I said put the effort into your marriage rather than putting it into having an emotional AFFAIR with your coworker.

People can change though, what if OP and his wife just arent really compatible. For instance, he says his wife doesnt like sex, thats not something counselling can fix, if theres no underlying issue. It seems like a personal situation to you, but maybe your ex just fell out of love with you? Is that something he really could of controlled?

Like isnt that the right thing to do when you are starting to get feelings, is to assess the situation, and if you're not happy to break it off, before physically cheating? I mean thats the advice people give when someone says they are thinking of cheating on their partner, is to break it off and dont be a cheating scum? I know in your situation seems a bit different since all his coworkers knew they had a thing while he was still with you.

[IBench5Pounds]

You are already having an affair. Just because your genitals haven't touched yet...does not mean you are not cheating on your wife already. I mean you're thinking about how this other woman would be with your daughter. That's cold.
lol

lol at considering this an affair but when another miscer posted about his sloot wife ****ing some other guy you suggested he go to councelling instead of divorcing. Sloots gon sloot

[Artemis00]

People can change though, what if OP and his wife just arent really compatible. For instance, he says his wife doesnt like sex, thats not something counselling can fix, if theres no underlying issue. It seems like a personal situation to you, but maybe your ex just fell out of love with you? Is that something he really could of controlled?

There is always the possibility that people grow apart and that is perfectly understandable. The difference is how people handle the situation. Responsible people would at least try to see if they can make the relationship work and if all efforts have failed, would part ways. Immature people will basically lie to their SO the entire time while they put effort into creating a relationship with someone else and then blind side their SO by monkey branching.

And I found out much later that my ex never did love me (his sister let me know that 5 years into the relationship he was already looking to break up with me, yet he stayed with me for another 5 years). He doesn't have the capability to love anyone...He only knows how to use people and emotionally abuse those that care about him. He is a true narcissist. His new wife (that gave up her family and her husband for him) has received her karma by marrying him. He will receive his by always having a hollow life.

[Boffothe]

In 18 years, someone is going to be stuffing bitcoins into your daughter's g-string because of your actions in the present after this marriage implodes. Once you decide to have kids, your time to be selfish has ended.