Venting...

[AmyleeD]

Hello, my name is Amylee. I had a bad day today (involving working out), and I just wanted to share it with someone who is NOT my husband.

Today I felt anger so strong, that I was shaking and on the verge of tears. I cannot remember the last time that I felt this strongly.

Firstly, I am doing a workout program that was not designed by me. This week I am learning a whole new set of workouts. Today, specifically, I was learning to use a bunch of new machines (I really do not love the machines, first time learning them I enjoy even less-I prefer free weights and BBs!). I half-hardheartedly complained about this aggravation last night to my husband while I was putting together the worksheet that I was going to be taking with me to the gym. No big deal, really, it was like I was starting over, and I knew it would take forever, plus I now am adding cardio to the end of the workout.

Any who, I am knee deep into my workout, everything is going smoothly as expected. I was happy to be killing these new workouts and learning new machines. My husband comes over to me and tells me that he's done and that he will chill on the bikes until I finish. Almost immediately, I felt an attitude creeping up, I looked at my sheet and I told him that I had only finished a handful of workouts and that I wouldn't be done for a while; plus, I had 30 minutes of cardio left [that I could cut 10 minutes off of if I had to]. I really had only finished half of my lifting at that point, and he was ready to go and for me to finish up. I got so heated, literally; my blood was boiling. I switched gears and went into the stretching room to grab a mat and do sh*t on the floor. I was in no mood to work with machines. Plus, being Xmas eve, the gym was packed and I didn't want a single person coming near me.

Basically, I scrapped my workout. I wasn't going to have him sit there for an hour on the bike just waiting for me. I was so aggravated and mad. I don't know what came over me. I am getting heated just thinking about it. How did he finish his leg day so damn fast?? Plus, he KNEW I would be a while. I grabbed my sh*t and told him to get his. On the car ride home, I could barely breathe I was so overwhelmed by these feelings. I told him to pull over and I jogged the whole way home. I. Do. Not. Jog. I just needed to get away. It helped. By the time I got home I was still angry, but not so much that I couldn't talk to him about it. I just told him that I felt like I was in the middle of something so good, and I felt ripped away from it. I still feel that way. I am going back to the gym without him as soon as I rest and eat a bit (it's been a couple of hours).

I feel like I never want to go back with him again. Like I never want to feel this way. What the hell happened to me?? He's my strength. I do not, I repeat, do not get angry with him like this. Ever. I am bipolar, but I do not get angry, not since I was a kid. As an adult, I become depressed or elated.

Has this ever happened to anyone before? Multiple times enough to deduce a reason behind it? Any idea why? This is so completely out of character for me. I feel like I was an aggressive dog and someone was trying to take away my food.

Any who, thanks for reading, if you did. I hope that I put this in the right place! It's nice to have somewhere to vent. My family and friends don't know that I workout yet, only my husband and one sibling. I am still a little shy about it because no one I know works out and I don't want them to put me down for it (long story... long line of unhealthy, fat, overbearing, over-opinionated women. I had to hide when I quit smoking, and drinking too because they just don't get why I would want to... Sigh. So man back-handed jealous comments).

Right now, I am going to go back to the gym. Get my sh*t together, and finish this damn workout!!

Thanks <3 AmyleeD

[Luvdogs]

Hi Amylee, Sorry you had such a bad experience. The gym is "MY" time. I would suggest making it yours unless you have to go together. I don't even like a training partner because I don't want to rely on anyone for my training and or to be interrupted by anyone. It would bother me too if I felt like my training got cut short. So, go by yourself and enjoy! There is no shame in wanting the time for yourself.

[Grizzzzzzzz]

From now on, just work out alone unless you two can come to some kind of agreement. This is why I don't go the gym with my girlfriend.

[AmyleeD]

Hi Amylee, Sorry you had such a bad experience. The gym is "MY" time. I would suggest making it yours unless you have to go together. I don't even like a training partner because I don't want to rely on anyone for my training and or to be interrupted by anyone. It would bother me too if I felt like my training got cut short. So, go by yourself and enjoy! There is no shame in wanting the time for yourself.

Thanks I should try to make it specifically "my time"

[AmyleeD]

From now on, just work out alone unless you two can come to some kind of agreement. This is why I don't go the gym with my girlfriend.

I'm going to have to agree. We usually only go together when it is convenient to do so. Never before has our schedule conflicted so much. It was definitely an awakening.

[thehobbes]

Going to the gym with someone else can be very frustrating. I agree that is completely MY time, I would not want to go with anyone no matter how close we are. It's similar to trying to work at the same place with your spouse, rage and frustration is bound to result. Go separately, if you guys do end up going together every now and then it may be good to set up a block of time, like say you both agreed to be there for 2 hours and in that time do whatever you have to do without bothering one another so nobody feels rushed. If your gym has a pool or sauna the person waiting could always go chill out there too so they're not breathing down the other person's neck. Neither of you should have to cut your workout short.

Good luck OP!

[AmyleeD]

Going to the gym with someone else can be very frustrating. I agree that is completely MY time, I would not want to go with anyone no matter how close we are. It's similar to trying to work at the same place with your spouse, rage and frustration is bound to result. Go separately, if you guys do end up going together every now and then it may be good to set up a block of time, like say you both agreed to be there for 2 hours and in that time do whatever you have to do without bothering one another so nobody feels rushed. If your gym has a pool or sauna the person waiting could always go chill out there too so they're not breathing down the other person's neck. Neither of you should have to cut your workout short.

Good luck OP!

I REALLY like the idea of blocked time, thank you. If we do have to go together for some reason, I will keep that in mind.

[Tresiel]

Did you tell him roughly how long you had left? and was he willing to wait? You said he was going to chill on the bikes guessing you had 1hr+?

[rowsforthebros]

I agree with the previous posts about workouts being "me time". Unless you're training with someone who is patient, I personally feel uneasy holding them back/burdening. It will take you a little while to get used to the machines but you'll be going through your sets much faster with time. I would say go to the gym without him a few times and once you feel more in your element, go with him again. He sounded like he was being reasonably patient, but if it happens again just channel your energy to your workouts -- not your emotions.

[liuzhoudragon]

sounds like you got really p.o ed cause your schedules where off by a hour.

plan for you and your husbands workouts to work out (pun intended)so they end at roughly a similar time (not hard unless you attend a class or have unusual work schedules.

or go separately if the scheduling doesn't work out (pun intended)

[TelP]

I agree with the poster above, especially doing weights your better of on your own. Since I stopped drinking the gym is my bit of freedom now away from everything. I will say you went a bit overboard though, mmaybe christmas just got on top of ya, women do stress more this time of year, my bird was all over the place trying to find a prawn ring yesterday.

[fihe]

I'm not sure why you got so mad. Maybe you had too much caffeine? I had to get off my pre-workout when it was causing me to have panic attacks set off by nothing significant.

I'd say go to the gym by yourself so you can spend as much time as you need to. Or maybe he needs to create a longer workout routine.

[birdiefu]

Did you tell him roughly how long you had left? and was he willing to wait? You said he was going to chill on the bikes guessing you had 1hr+?

Thinking along these lines - what was his perception of all this? As in, did he say he only expected you to be done in X amount of time? Did you tell him you were frustrated at all, or was all of this internal and your later actions happened without verbal explanation? While I can understand frustration, from your story if sounds like he had no idea you felt this way and could quite possibly been just fine toodling on the bike for however long you took. He may have been completely unaware of your feelings and the cause of resultant impulsive behavior. Communication is essential in a relationship, IMO.

Stim amounts, long-term or steep deficit, little sleep, holiday stress, etc can all build up in this type of thing. Try to break down the things in your life that are stressors, and find some ways to build relaxation/destress into your life. Adjust as necessary and talk to your partner about things before jumping out of the car.

*hugs* and good luck!

[kimm4]

How long was the workout? More importantly, why are you doing a workout that you don't even want to do?

You can get a solid workout done in an hour. Your program should be focused around compound lifts and using a bunch of machines seems like wasting time to me.

Good luck, feel better.

[AmyleeD]

Did you tell him roughly how long you had left? and was he willing to wait? You said he was going to chill on the bikes guessing you had 1hr+?

He could see that I had more than half of my lifting (I showed him my paperwork), plus 30 minutes of whatever cardio. Yes, he would have been fine just chilling there. It was me that for some reason freaked out. I knew he had stuff to do at his moms an hour away, so part of me felt like I was holding him up.

[AmyleeD]

I agree with the previous posts about workouts being "me time". Unless you're training with someone who is patient, I personally feel uneasy holding them back/burdening. It will take you a little while to get used to the machines but you'll be going through your sets much faster with time. I would say go to the gym without him a few times and once you feel more in your element, go with him again. He sounded like he was being reasonably patient, but if it happens again just channel your energy to your workouts -- not your emotions.

I agree, thank you

[MirinmySwoll]

Northshore crew checking in.

Went to lift with a friend who was asking for help...dude was done in 25 minutes...never again

Edit: when I lift with new people I always make it clear how long I anticipate being in the gym.

[AmyleeD]

Thinking along these lines - what was his perception of all this? As in, did he say he only expected you to be done in X amount of time? Did you tell him you were frustrated at all, or was all of this internal and your later actions happened without verbal explanation? While I can understand frustration, from your story if sounds like he had no idea you felt this way and could quite possibly been just fine toodling on the bike for however long you took. He may have been completely unaware of your feelings and the cause of resultant impulsive behavior. Communication is essential in a relationship, IMO.

Stim amounts, long-term or steep deficit, little sleep, holiday stress, etc can all build up in this type of thing. Try to break down the things in your life that are stressors, and find some ways to build relaxation/destress into your life. Adjust as necessary and talk to your partner about things before jumping out of the car.

*hugs* and good luck!

Hey there,
I did not tell him that I was frustrated at all until I imploded and couldn't finish. He would have waited messing with the bikes. Normally we have great communication, too much if you ask him but I just didn't know how to channel the anger and frustration because it is not something that I ever deal with.

Also, I do not use stimulants of any kind because I am really sensitive to caffeine. Not only do they make me jittery and talk a mile a minute (and I am talking a damn thimble full), but they also cause the fibroids in my breasts to swell and it is painful. No coffee, tea, or chocolate (well, mostly no chocolate...), etc. I get 8 hours of sleep a night. My husband is a firefighter so he only works four 12 hour shifts a week, so there is no "he works too much and we never see each other" stress. Maybe we see each other TOO much... I do not work, or have kids, and I am on school break, so as far as I can see the stressors are at an extreme minimum. I think that is why I am so shocked. My life is good and I am healthier and more confident in my body than I have been in a long time... It's so unlike me to freak out! I have a degree in psychology too! lol It was just so extreme that I was wondering if it had to do with the working out. That's the only thing that is different in my life right now.

Thanks for taking the time to write, I appreciate your thoughts.

Amylee

[AmyleeD]

How long was the workout? More importantly, why are you doing a workout that you don't even want to do?

You can get a solid workout done in an hour. Your program should be focused around compound lifts and using a bunch of machines seems like wasting time to me.

Good luck, feel better.

Thank you, I do feel much better. It's not the new program that I don't like, it's learning the new workouts within it. I just feel uncomfortable again like when I first set foot in the gym and fumbled around taking my time to learn them properly. I do not really like the machines, so I try to avoid them if I can. I just had to start going to the Smith Machine for my BB squat and calve supersets because of how much weight I have been lifting-it hurts my shoulders and I am nervous about dropping them after failure. Generally, my workouts take 45-60 minutes, but not when I am learning new stuff, which is every few weeks. A lot of compound workouts are included and they are my favorites. Since I am so new, I want to follow the programs as written, but I do change them for my goals. For instance, I want to be able to do pull ups, so I added them. You know?

Thanks for your response!

[AmyleeD]

Northshore crew checking in.

Went to lift with a friend who was asking for help...dude was done in 25 minutes...never again

Edit: when I lift with new people I always make it clear how long I anticipate being in the gym.

Hello fellow Bostonian! I think that is a great idea. I have learned lot from this experience, and I can see that although my response was unusually extreme, not uncommon. Thanks!

[goirish3]

Doesnt sound like bipolar-ism to me, sounds like typical females. Always getting mad over nothing. He was willing to bicycle until you were done. You cut your time short and then blamed it on him.

[zach1211]

Lynn Lynn city of sin you never come out the way you gone in

[zach1211]

Northshore crew checking in.

Went to lift with a friend who was asking for help...dude was done in 25 minutes...never again

Edit: when I lift with new people I always make it clear how long I anticipate being in the gym.

Strong Boston presence in this thread

[thomas885]

op, marriage is not easy, sometimes a husband can aggravate his wife, I'm a guy and I can only imagine, guys can be such douchbags, also most guys are NOT bodybuilders and dgaf about lifting and such, you definitely have a bad temper because you are bipolar, it's normal, now I would suggest calming down, have a talk with your husband, good luck

[SugarFree1]

Hi Amy. I dont see the problem. You said the husband didnt rush you or anything and simply told you that he would wait until your done. I dont see anything a matter with that. I enjoy working out with my wife (shes also bipolar) which is usually just on the weekends and are workouts are usually different. If he finishes earlier then you how bout having him spot you the rest of the session. It may be beneficial with him pushing ya a bit to do more. Anyway it was a new workout program which generally takes a bit longer the first few sessions.

[kimm4]

Thank you, I do feel much better. It's not the new program that I don't like, it's learning the new workouts within it. I just feel uncomfortable again like when I first set foot in the gym and fumbled around taking my time to learn them properly. I do not really like the machines, so I try to avoid them if I can. I just had to start going to the Smith Machine for my BB squat and calve supersets because of how much weight I have been lifting-it hurts my shoulders and I am nervous about dropping them after failure. Generally, my workouts take 45-60 minutes, but not when I am learning new stuff, which is every few weeks. A lot of compound workouts are included and they are my favorites. Since I am so new, I want to follow the programs as written, but I do change them for my goals. For instance, I want to be able to do pull ups, so I added them. You know?

Thanks for your response!

Got it.

Pullups are a compound move, so this is something you can do on a regular basis. Because you are new there is no need to change up workouts based on your goal. Get yourself on a solid program and run it for as long as you can. It doesn't matter if we're cutting, building or recomping, all programs should be focused around the compounds: bench, rows, overhead press, squats, deads, pullups, chin-ups, dips, etc...this is crucial for building a solid foundation, overall muscle balance and a strong core.

[sbilyeu75]

My husband and I will only ride to the gym together if I'm doing cardio only. He does strength training at home and cardio at the gym, so it's pointless for me to do the weights at the gym if he's with me. There just isn't enough time.

[AmyleeD]

Lynn Lynn city of sin you never come out the way you gone in

That's what they say! I'm actually originally from Haverhill, but this is where Hubbs wanted to be a firefighter.

[AmyleeD]

Hi Amy. I dont see the problem. You said the husband didnt rush you or anything and simply told you that he would wait until your done. I dont see anything a matter with that. I enjoy working out with my wife (shes also bipolar) which is usually just on the weekends and are workouts are usually different. If he finishes earlier then you how bout having him spot you the rest of the session. It may be beneficial with him pushing ya a bit to do more. Anyway it was a new workout program which generally takes a bit longer the first few sessions.

Asking him to spot/watch my form would have been an extremely great idea. There really was (is) no real problem. My main concern was that it was such an unusual response from me, and made me uncomfortable (still does). My main reason for venting was because I was still mad and wanted to see if it had happened to anyone else, maybe get some advice (which I have), and a possible cause... Thanks for your opinions and advise.

[AmyleeD]

Got it.

Pullups are a compound move, so this is something you can do on a regular basis. Because you are new there is no need to change up workouts based on your goal. Get yourself on a solid program and run it for as long as you can. It doesn't matter if we're cutting, building or recomping, all programs should be focused around the compounds: bench, rows, overhead press, squats, deads, pullups, chin-ups, dips, etc...this is crucial for building a solid foundation, overall muscle balance and a strong core.

I think I am doing all of those now except the chin-ups (I will have to look into that, I guess I thought pull ups and those were the same...). Bench presses were just added and they are tough, but I like them. It was really awkward on the Smith machine, but I figured it out (it's my only option for them). I keep hearing about the compounds, and I agree that they are important. I pay careful attention to form, and when I add weight I feel so proud. They make me feel strong! I do physical therapy for back pain (when my breasts grow) to strengthen my "trunk" area (I think that is the same as core), and that's when I was first introduced to keeping everything tight while working on compounds. This program that I am doing now (only lasts 12 weeks) was chosen by husband as a random workout to jumpstart my interests. I think it does that, and I intend to see it through. It has definitely introduced me to a lot of new movements. I plan on picking a beginners program next that focuses on compounds mostly, and more often, so that I can build a nice foundation. That's really all that I am looking for-a nice strong overall muscular system.

Thanks again for your time and experience!