Does Porn Ruin Relationships?

[janky]

TLDR Version:

Is looking at porn cheating?:I don't believe cheating is the right word, but depending on the couple it could cause problems hence why I believe being upset is justified(again dependent on the couple)

Can sexual Fantasies be regulated or fixed on one person:Yes they can be regulated and filtered, and on top of that they CAN be fixed on one person. Am I saying you wont slip up and fantasize about how tight Miriah might be ? No. But as long as you don't allow your thoughts to turn into actions you are good.

Got it. That actually makes a lot of sense. Then it's an issue of moral alignment, not necessarily the act of viewing porn in itself.
And yeah, I mean if you physically act on something with another person outside the relationship, that is a whole 'nother can of worms

-Fap to porn 2-3 times a week. Smash gf 5-7 times a week.
-Gf schlicks to porn maybe once a fortnight. Tells me what she watched. Sometimes she'll go through my net history and watch what I've watched.

Porn is cool. But I'd probably be weirded out if she looked up interracial.

That would scare the living chit out of me personally lol. No way I want my gf to see what I've looked at.

No I don't find porn bad at all. I've said I watch it.

I would have an issue with fantasizing about an ex depending on what he was thinking about.....So if it's just about the sexual act it's self then that's not really an issue. If it's about "her" the way she looked/felt/sounded I would have more of an issue.

I doubt many guys would be ok with their gf masturbating while thinking about an ex bf.

Totally agree. In the case of fantasizing about an ex though, I would imagine there wouldn't be porn involved. I don't think many guys would go to a porn site, search through clips for 15-20 minutes, and go "OH YEAH, My ex!" nomsayn?
I'm totally on board with that being a chitty thing to deal with -- I'm just more curious about people's responses to their significant other watching porn.

So in order for sex to be good it has to be about depraved fetishes?

Not at all. Well, I take that back - if you are dating someone who worked in porn for a while, maybe.
But let me paint the picture:
You come in wearing a pair of heels with your hair done. You sit down next to your bf, and put your hand on his leg. You eagerly await him to jump all over you. He doesn't. You go "Baby you can touch me if you want". He gets the hint. You two go to the bedroom, you get naked, and let him do all the work in missionary or maybe doggy for 10 minutes or so.

Doesn't sound that amazing.

Versus:
You push him down on the couch, get on your knees in between his legs, put your hair up, rip his pants off, and start slobbering and face fukkin his cock while talking chit.

MASSIVE turn on.

Get what I'm saying?
It doesn't have to be depraved; it has to be something intense. The first scenario is like "Welp, guess I'm having sex". The second is "HOLY CHIT YES"

Couple reasons for this....

-When most women start having sex it's in high school with high school boys. I'm sure I don't have to remind you it doesn't take much to get an young experienced boy to orgasm, you pretty much just have to look at him.

-women who like sex are considered sluts by society

--it takes a lot more for us to "enjoy" ourselves, so we kinda gotta worry about us first.

Sure, I see that. I'm not downplaying the social connotations.
I don't see how that means a woman can't be sexually confident though?
Let's be honest; the only people who call girls sluts are 1) other girls or 2) guys who can't get girls and are mad.
Plus if you're just being a "slut" (or sexually confident) for the one guy (or guys you're dating) then what's the problem?
What I'm really trying to get at here is that if you just lay there acting like it's some magical treat that a guy gets to touch you, the sex is going to suck ass. He'll never tell you, because you may withdraw sex, but you can bet the minute he has a better option he's out.
Conversely, if you are active, aggressive, and confident about your sexual wants/needs/whatever with him, you'll blow his fuking mind (because most girls simply AREN'T) and he'll put up with as much annoying chit as you can toss at him without leaving you.

No one is saying "get better actresses"

I don't need an "emotional" connection to watch porn. All I need is a girl who looks like she is enjoying it, actually has a real orgasm and the guy has to also be attractive.
That's it. Even in the stuff that is made for women that is hard to find. I'm not sure why men wouldn't enjoy watching that as well.

Well I'd assume after so many flicks it's just kinda "meh". Even for guys.
Plus I mean... I don't know any of them personally, but a loooooot of porn stars have pretty bad drug habits so, they may be high out of their mind during shoots just to get it over with and get a paycheck.

[tential]

First off, porn is acting so I don't get what these chicks say about the "She has to look like she is enjoying it."
This isn't a love scene or anything so the sex isn't going to have all the "I love you baby." type shiit.
No doubt, most of these actors enjoy what they do (They're paid to phuck.... and most actors don't do scenes with dudes or chicks that they aren't remotely aroused by). The chicks are saying/doing shiit that yes, you probably think is "over the top" because that's the male fantasy. I don't really think it's "Wow, she's not enjoying it at all and is just acting the WHOLE way though." But I do think that most female pornstars (in vanilla type 1 on 1 scenes) enjoy what the do.
It's just the way they act throughout the scene is VASTLY different than what 99% of women are brought up thinking is socially acceptable.

I think the reason porn is hard for chicks to get into, is because they can NEVER see themselves going up to a guy and being assertive about having sex. For most chicks, it's a passive thing. Like Janky said, a girl will sit next to you, horny as hell for hours, and not do SHIIT. Like I said, I saw a chick that I had sex with regularly, and DiDNT INITIATE. I put a movie on, we cuddled up, watched it for 2 hours straight. She then got upset because she was horny and wasn't getting sex. NEVER made a move to initiate or anything.
So Porn is hard for girls to get into because for them, being the assertive girl who hops on top of a guy and just has her way with him pretty much is a RARITY in their lives. I only see chicks do this drunk, when inhibitions are removed, or just rarely in chicks who are pretty phucking sexual. Otherwise, a VAST majority of women do exactly what me and janky described. They sit around and wait for a guy to make a move, or if they do make a "move", it's 30-60 minutes of her stroking your dick while making out with you as she waits for you to call the next shot.
The amount of times a chicks are EXTREMELY assertive about what they want, and are not drunk, is just rare. It's why I like to drink with girls I'm hooking up with because it brings down inhibitions and brings out the "naughty" side of them.

Personally, if a chick isn't capable of just jumping me and saying "I need you right now, phuck me." I probably am not going to see a long term relationship as I know the sex will be boring.

As for the drug habits in porn. I think that just goes hand in hand with the lifestyle and not the "high out of mind to get phucked so I can numb it and get my paycheck"(although some chicks CLEARLY are doing this). Some probably drink/do drugs for exactly what I stated before. To bring out their slooty side more so that they're more of a freak for the camera.

[Nicolehansen832]

Yes porn ruins relationships and it's addictive.

A married man said he struggles to be faithful to his wife because he watches porn and wish that his wife looked and acted like the porn stars.

[DizzySmalls]

As for the drug habits in porn. I think that just goes hand in hand with the lifestyle and not the "high out of mind to get phucked so I can numb it and get my paycheck"(although some chicks CLEARLY are doing this). Some probably drink/do drugs for exactly what I stated before. To bring out their slooty side more so that they're more of a freak for the camera.

It's part of the hedonistic lifestyle I would imagine. It's not the same as side-alley whores who are getting $20 for their crack fix

[AJ7123]

First off, porn is acting so I don't get what these chicks say about the "She has to look like she is enjoying it."
This isn't a love scene or anything so the sex isn't going to have all the "I love you baby." type shiit.
No doubt, most of these actors enjoy what they do (They're paid to phuck.... and most actors don't do scenes with dudes or chicks that they aren't remotely aroused by). The chicks are saying/doing shiit that yes, you probably think is "over the top" because that's the male fantasy. I don't really think it's "Wow, she's not enjoying it at all and is just acting the WHOLE way though." But I do think that most female pornstars (in vanilla type 1 on 1 scenes) enjoy what the do.
It's just the way they act throughout the scene is VASTLY different than what 99% of women are brought up thinking is socially acceptable.

I think the reason porn is hard for chicks to get into, is because they can NEVER see themselves going up to a guy and being assertive about having sex. For most chicks, it's a passive thing. Like Janky said, a girl will sit next to you, horny as hell for hours, and not do SHIIT. Like I said, I saw a chick that I had sex with regularly, and DiDNT INITIATE. I put a movie on, we cuddled up, watched it for 2 hours straight. She then got upset because she was horny and wasn't getting sex. NEVER made a move to initiate or anything.
So Porn is hard for girls to get into because for them, being the assertive girl who hops on top of a guy and just has her way with him pretty much is a RARITY in their lives. I only see chicks do this drunk, when inhibitions are removed, or just rarely in chicks who are pretty phucking sexual. Otherwise, a VAST majority of women do exactly what me and janky described. They sit around and wait for a guy to make a move, or if they do make a "move", it's 30-60 minutes of her stroking your dick while making out with you as she waits for you to call the next shot.
The amount of times a chicks are EXTREMELY assertive about what they want, and are not drunk, is just rare. It's why I like to drink with girls I'm hooking up with because it brings down inhibitions and brings out the "naughty" side of them.

^Who does that? Who are you guys dating?

I get not wanting to be that forceful if it's the very first time with a guy but after that you mean to tell me no girls are initiating?

Plus you guys are saying you get off by being dominate then you're also saying you want the girl to be dominate, so which is it?

By saying she has to be into it I'm not saying she has to be in love. It's like watching a movie. It's only a good movie if it can evoke some kind of feeling. Bad acting doesn't do that.

[DizzySmalls]

^Who does that? Who are you guys dating?

I get not wanting to be that forceful if it's the very first time with a guy but after that you mean to tell me no girls are initiating?

Plus you guys are saying you get off by being dominate then you're also saying you want the girl to be dominate, so which is it?

By saying she has to be into it I'm not saying she has to be in love. It's like watching a movie. It's only a good movie if it can evoke some kind of feeling. Bad acting doesn't do that.

Probably a different definition of "dominant" vs. assertive/confident

[retardedtroll]

This thread made me (sexually) appreciate my girlfriend a whole lot more.

Reading through these posts are seriously confusing me. Your gfs don't watch porn with you, initiate sex, and you guys don't share your dark fantasies? If me and my gf break up someday, it sounds like all the other women I meet are going to suck.

Also, glad to see you back Janky. Your old threads/posts (along with a few others) are the reason I made this account.

[AJ7123]

Probably a different definition of "dominant" vs. assertive/confident

Yeah maybe.

I think for women sex is more about feeling desired.

Which imo is why so many have a thing for "rape fantasy" I know a lot of guys think it's about being dominated. I personally think it's about have a man so overcome by his desire for you that he has to have you.

It could also by why so few women want to be dominant or initiate.

[MajesticLion]

In on patented janky thought provoking thread. A lot of good input in here, the honesty is appreciated.

[DizzySmalls]

Yeah maybe.

I think for women sex is more about feeling desired.

Which imo is why so many have a thing for "rape fantasy" I know a lot of guys think it's about being dominated. I personally think it's about have a man so overcome by his desire for you that he has to have you.

It could also by why so few women want to be dominant or initiate.

I think the desirability thing seems to a constant in general with women. The submissive stuff IMO is the aspect of yielding control and providing pleasure to someone else who takes direction over them gives a sense of completeness or contentedness.

There's a lot of elements of that available in vanilla stuff, but things like sense depravation, bondage/movement restriction, gags, "forced" activities.. it's all about someone else exerting their will over another person and the other person being willing and largely subjugated to that will. There's a lot of intimacy and trust required in the power exchange. Some people just like the feeling of being owned and giving up control.

It's all consensual and done for mutual pleasure of both parties, so even if there is sexualized humiliation/degradation involved, I don't really see it as necessarily being depraved

[AJ7123]

I think the desirability thing seems to a constant in general with women. The submissive stuff IMO is the aspect of yielding control and providing pleasure to someone else who takes direction over them gives a sense of completeness or contentedness.

There's a lot of elements of that available in vanilla stuff, but things like sense depravation, bondage/movement restriction, gags, "forced" activities.. it's all about someone else exerting their will over another person and the other person being willing and largely subjugated to that will

You're talking to someone who has a mild panic attack if I can't get my head through my sweater quick enough.

Bondage/movement restriction......do not want.

I'd get off a lot quicker to some guy telling me I'm pretty. But that's just me.

[DizzySmalls]

You're talking to someone who has a mild panic attack if I can't get my head through my sweater quick enough.

Bondage/movement restriction......do not want.

I'd get off a lot quicker to some guy telling me I'm pretty. But that's just me.

Hey everyone wants different things, and I'm not claiming that such things are normal or necessary. I feel like the intensity/nervousness regarding such activities is part of the appeal of the loss of control. There is a temporary loss of autonomy involved. The other person could theoretically cut you to pieces and you couldn't do anything about it.

[janky]

Yes porn ruins relationships and it's addictive.

A married man said he struggles to be faithful to his wife because he watches porn and wish that his wife looked and acted like the porn stars.

Can you be a little more clear?
Link to the scientific study showing that marriages are destroyed by porn?
Are all men powerless to addiction if they start watching it initially, or are some capable of moderation and control?
Are you saying that watching porn directly correlates to infidelity? If so, how? Links to statistics on this?

^Who does that? Who are you guys dating?

I get not wanting to be that forceful if it's the very first time with a guy but after that you mean to tell me no girls are initiating?

Plus you guys are saying you get off by being dominate then you're also saying you want the girl to be dominate, so which is it?

Yes. I am saying no girls initiate. And I've been with waaaay too many girls. (no e-brag, trust me, most weren't worth the effort)
There are a small handful, but like tential said, it's usually when drunk/high. Girls need a mask to indulge their inner sexuality.
They can't just ever be like "HEY MOTHERFUKER IM GOING TO FORCE THAT COCK DOWN MY THROAT AND YOURE GUNNA FUKING LIKE IT"

It's always this timid, "read my mind", beat-around-the-bush chit. Followed by complaints that men don't initiate enough, or whiny insecurities that "OMG DO YOU EVEN FIND ME ATTRACTIVE ANYMORE? YOU DIDNT TRY TO FUK ME TODAY.. AM I UGLY? DO YOU THINK IM FAT"

That chit is the polar opposite of sexy.

CONFIDENCE works both ways, ladies.

And to clarify; men getting off on feeling like "alpha" males, in the sense that we like to be wanted and in control of things. We like knowing that a woman is so into us that she will do what we tell her to just to please us.
BUT
We like a woman to be confident sexually when the time comes. It doesn't mean you're some professional dominatrix that whips us and tells us when we're allowed to get hard... that's a total boner kill (for some). It means when it's time to fuk, your inner freak is unleashed, and you dont beat around the bush with bullchit subtle hints that you may possibly consider wanting to think about potentially someday letting us see you naked.
It means that you aren't afraid to get on your knees and gag on it. It means you aren't afraid to take it up the ass, or scream out during sex, or lick our face/cock clean after we've been down on you/inside you.

Just don't be such a fuking timid princess.

This thread made me (sexually) appreciate my girlfriend a whole lot more.

Reading through these posts are seriously confusing me. Your gfs don't watch porn with you, initiate sex, and you guys don't share your dark fantasies? If me and my gf break up someday, it sounds like all the other women I meet are going to suck.

Also, glad to see you back Janky. Your old threads/posts (along with a few others) are the reason I made this account.

hahah thanks man. I'm glad the thread helped you appreciate what you have.
A lot of women suck due to massive insecurities and imaginary competitions that don't really exist.
If I had to guess, I'd say those are behind 90% of the issues that make women boring and annoying to men.

MOST women are vanilla as fuk. They *think* they're special and gorgeous and like, saaaa hawt and important, but really they're just another hole in fancy face paint and a cheap, revealing outfit.
After the act is completed, there isn't much to them to really warrant keeping them around.

(no offense to the women here, just some food for thought. Hopefully you're more than just a hole)

Yeah maybe.

I think for women sex is more about feeling desired.

Which imo is why so many have a thing for "rape fantasy" I know a lot of guys think it's about being dominated. I personally think it's about have a man so overcome by his desire for you that he has to have you.

It could also by why so few women want to be dominant or initiate.

Really?
I always understood it as a primal power struggle.
Old-school, biological, complete submission with no choice. Being taken by force.

Inherently women crave that, but socially it's fairly scary and unacceptable. So there's this internal battle between needing to be completely powerless and controlled by a complete fuking alpha male who will use you as he sees fit, versus not being abused by some creepy ****git who can't control himself.

Either one results in a massive turn on, but one yields a colossal sexual attraction, and one yields complete psychological scarring and pain.

Buuuuut I'm not a chick soooo.... do I have that wrong?

I think the desirability thing seems to a constant in general with women. The submissive stuff IMO is the aspect of yielding control and providing pleasure to someone else who takes direction over them gives a sense of completeness or contentedness.

There's a lot of elements of that available in vanilla stuff, but things like sense depravation, bondage/movement restriction, gags, "forced" activities.. it's all about someone else exerting their will over another person and the other person being willing and largely subjugated to that will. There's a lot of intimacy and trust required in the power exchange. Some people just like the feeling of being owned and giving up control.

It's all consensual and done for mutual pleasure of both parties, so even if there is sexualized humiliation/degradation involved, I don't really see it as necessarily being depraved

This. This. This.

This is why you can't ever ask a woman "What do you wanna do tonight?"
You'll always be met with "I dunno" or "what do you wanna do?"

MOST women are not decision makers. They are not the ones to lead the way, take charge, and direct things. They like having a strong, confident man who will do that for them.

(again, not a female, so correct me if I'm wrong)

You're talking to someone who has a mild panic attack if I can't get my head through my sweater quick enough.

Bondage/movement restriction......do not want.

I'd get off a lot quicker to some guy telling me I'm pretty. But that's just me.

That sounds.... so...
vanilla.

sorry.

didn't read thread but I think porn ruins a lot of things. Not just Relationships.

Can you elaborate?
like what?

[ThatKindaGuy]

I get that. I've thought about exs too. But if I'm thinking about an ex I'm thinking more of how whatever he was doing felt. Not the actual guy. Is that the same for guys?

I can only speak for myself, but when I would fantasize about ex's it wouldn't be about them as a person and partner, but how something felt, like cupping her boobs from behind while she was cooking, sliding my hand down her pants and then ravaging her over the countertop. Its more like moments and feelings - I have zero emotional connection to any of my ex's and fuk buddies. Its just a set of sexual highlight reels that stays with you.

You're leaving out a very large portion of the equation, my friend.
Totally agree with you on sexual compatibility in the relationship, but fantasy will always exist; no matter HOW good you have it. There is not a man alive (you and I included) that will not fantasize elsewhere, outside of his relationship. You will never convince me such a creature exists; no matter HOW happy he currently is. It's not human nature. It's impossible.

One woman simply cannot compete with a million different sizes, shapes, styles, ethnicities, fetishes, long hair, short hair, blonde, brunette, redhead, asian, white, latina, black, tall, short, skinny, chubby, etc.
...
...
ALL ON TAP AT THE CLICK OF A MOUSE.

Women can't just shape-shift and read their man's mind to see what kinky chit he just stumbled upon and is interested in. Just like your fetishes haven't remained "OMG TO TOUCH A GIRLS BOOBIE!" from the time you were 12 to your current life today. You've developed SOME fetish along the way (no matter how timid or extreme).

Porn caters to a world of fantasy that simply cannot be provided by one (or even a handful, if you're into polygamy) woman/en.

Fantasy doesn't just magically go away when you find that someone special that you love being with. It doesn't mean you don't love them, it just means that you are a sexual being by nature, and that doesn't just turn off like a light-switch.

True, we all fantasize, but at least me personally, I am not a collection of a plethora of fetishes. I had women of all kinds of ethnicities, shapes and sizes, hair color and lengths, and temperaments. But I had them as part of my sexual history. I experienced all of them and now that I am with a certain woman, I chose her traits as the ones I desire most.

Whenever I am by myself, do I sometimes lust after a girl who'd deepthroat and choke? Yea, but I had that and bring up that memory when I fantasize about it. Porn is too easy, it provides the stimulus with a mouse click. In my book a bad and dangerous mechanic to have the sensation so readily available, when in fact we all know that when it comes to sex its not always available in a matter of one minute. Thats why I prefer a more "natural" approach to the whole thing. Maybe I am just being a spiritual ******* about it, lol, dunno.

My ex watched porn while we were together. He was away for work a few days a week because he worked in a different city. We had sex regularly, and I didn't mind him watching porn while he jerked off by himself.

Looking back though, I know our communication wasn't the greatest. I often felt he had conflicting sexual fantasies and when I gently asked him about them (ie does he LIKE the thought of me with other guys? or not? and why bring it up?) he didn't open up. I think the trouble with porn is there is a real lack of vulnerability and intimacy. You are just a receiver of a bunch of images, but it has no element of you opening yourself up to someone.

This is what I heard from friends and assume is the case for most couples: bad communication. Thats why I am adamant with my gf about being open when it comes to our desires and needs, something she still needs to learn and accept for herself (she is kinda shy about it), but helps immensely in leading a happy sexual relationship. It also brings both closer together, as it requires trust and intimacy to open up about your own desires and fetishes like that, since you make yourself vulnerable because of how the other might react or judge.

[DerpHunter]

Girls need to realize/accept that everyone needs variety. If a guy watches porn, it doesn't mean he's tired of you or doesn't think you're hot enough. It means he's a human being, and doesn't just want to have sex with one person. Porn can be a healthy, safe way to deal with that nature and still be in a monogamous relationship. Porn doesn't have to mean "better looking women." It can just mean, "women, instead of woman."

Some people get unrealistic expectations from porn and/or watch it excessively, but that's not a problem with porn itself - that's the problem of the individual.

I don't get people who need porn while in a relationship. Even if I wasn't getting sex whenever I wanted, I'd fap to some fantasy of where I would bang any of the girls I have banged so far.

The effect porn has both on your psyche as well as biochemical balance in your brain is disturbing.

Evidence that porn ALWAYS affects everyone's brains negatively? That's like saying alcohol is bad for everyone because it affects some people negatively and they abuse it.

How is it that thinking of women doesn't have a negative impact on your mind, but actually seeing women does? That makes no sense.

[Beararms]

Yes it can/cannot. It didnt ruin mine but it was a factor. Got bored with gf and I got to the point I'd rather watch porn than have sex with her. I wouldnt even get excited laying in bed with her.

[happywithit]

Well that's where I was going with it. To me, the BDSM/power aspects of things are a lot more arousing. I prefer literotica to porn these days, as the porn is lower quality on what counts.

Yes very erotic I love it. Annd its not even done as porn suggests it is done.

this. Why I rarely watch b/c so much faking on the girls part. I think we could tell a lot easier if the girl is faking or not into it. Then it's just like watching a bad movie.

I agree with what you said in another post about erotica. That does a lot more for me than porn too.

Erotica is a lot more sensual which appeals to the females senses. It is much better at stimulating us ready for sex than porn is.

^Who does that? Who are you guys dating?

I get not wanting to be that forceful if it's the very first time with a guy but after that you mean to tell me no girls are initiating?

Plus you guys are saying you get off by being dominate then you're also saying you want the girl to be dominate, so which is it?

By saying she has to be into it I'm not saying she has to be in love. It's like watching a movie. It's only a good movie if it can evoke some kind of feeling. Bad acting doesn't do that.

An example of bdsm that really turned me on to my highest of senses was when my bf tied me to the bed, blindfolded me and left the room. I was tied in a very vulnerable position, hands tied, legs tied open wide and blindfolded and I could hear the door open and shut as if he had left the room. Didn't know if he had actually left the room but it was a sexy feeling never-the-less.


It was nothing like the **** they portrait in porn. Way more sensual than that.



Just come back from the Christmas meal with my staff. Most of whom are 17-22, and they have all tried anal, having asked when they lost their virginity and what they have done. I have never tried anal at 30, and although I've played with bf's asses, I've never had my own touched. They all say 'it's the norm' so yes. I believe porn plays in expectations that shouldn't be expected to be achieved.

I was actually shocked by what I heard from these 17 year olds to be honest.

[ThatKindaGuy]

Interesting way to have a Christmas meal ... so festive to talk about someones anus.

[Nicolehansen832]

Can you be a little more clear?
Link to the scientific study showing that marriages are destroyed by porn?
Are all men powerless to addiction if they start watching it initially, or are some capable of moderation and control?
Are you saying that watching porn directly correlates to infidelity? If so, how? Links to statistics on this?




Yes. I am saying no girls initiate. And I've been with waaaay too many girls. (no e-brag, trust me, most weren't worth the effort)
There are a small handful, but like tential said, it's usually when drunk/high. Girls need a mask to indulge their inner sexuality.
They can't just ever be like "HEY MOTHERFUKER IM GOING TO FORCE THAT COCK DOWN MY THROAT AND YOURE GUNNA FUKING LIKE IT"

It's always this timid, "read my mind", beat-around-the-bush chit. Followed by complaints that men don't initiate enough, or whiny insecurities that "OMG DO YOU EVEN FIND ME ATTRACTIVE ANYMORE? YOU DIDNT TRY TO FUK ME TODAY.. AM I UGLY? DO YOU THINK IM FAT"

That chit is the polar opposite of sexy.

CONFIDENCE works both ways, ladies.

And to clarify; men getting off on feeling like "alpha" males, in the sense that we like to be wanted and in control of things. We like knowing that a woman is so into us that she will do what we tell her to just to please us.
BUT
We like a woman to be confident sexually when the time comes. It doesn't mean you're some professional dominatrix that whips us and tells us when we're allowed to get hard... that's a total boner kill (for some). It means when it's time to fuk, your inner freak is unleashed, and you dont beat around the bush with bullchit subtle hints that you may possibly consider wanting to think about potentially someday letting us see you naked.
It means that you aren't afraid to get on your knees and gag on it. It means you aren't afraid to take it up the ass, or scream out during sex, or lick our face/cock clean after we've been down on you/inside you.

Just don't be such a fuking timid princess.



hahah thanks man. I'm glad the thread helped you appreciate what you have.
A lot of women suck due to massive insecurities and imaginary competitions that don't really exist.
If I had to guess, I'd say those are behind 90% of the issues that make women boring and annoying to men.

MOST women are vanilla as fuk. They *think* they're special and gorgeous and like, saaaa hawt and important, but really they're just another hole in fancy face paint and a cheap, revealing outfit.
After the act is completed, there isn't much to them to really warrant keeping them around.

(no offense to the women here, just some food for thought. Hopefully you're more than just a hole)



Really?
I always understood it as a primal power struggle.
Old-school, biological, complete submission with no choice. Being taken by force.

Inherently women crave that, but socially it's fairly scary and unacceptable. So there's this internal battle between needing to be completely powerless and controlled by a complete fuking alpha male who will use you as he sees fit, versus not being abused by some creepy ****git who can't control himself.

Either one results in a massive turn on, but one yields a colossal sexual attraction, and one yields complete psychological scarring and pain.

Buuuuut I'm not a chick soooo.... do I have that wrong?



This. This. This.

This is why you can't ever ask a woman "What do you wanna do tonight?"
You'll always be met with "I dunno" or "what do you wanna do?"

MOST women are not decision makers. They are not the ones to lead the way, take charge, and direct things. They like having a strong, confident man who will do that for them.

(again, not a female, so correct me if I'm wrong)



That sounds.... so...
vanilla.

sorry.



Can you elaborate?
like what?

Not all men, some men get addicted to porn just like some people get addicted to alcohol.

Statistics for addictions and mental illness are mostly BS and full of biases so it's irrelevant to recite that crap. Like the one study of # of sexual partners and likelihood of divorce, some Mormon study that is full of crap to show that polygamy is fine.

I know from talking to men and women in relationships with men that porn has created problems in their relationships.

[happywithit]

Interesting way to have a Christmas meal ... so festive to talk about someones anus.

Yeah, like boys, girls talk, and I rarely talk to my staff unless I've had some drink behind me.

[janky]

True, we all fantasize, but at least me personally, I am not a collection of a plethora of fetishes. I had women of all kinds of ethnicities, shapes and sizes, hair color and lengths, and temperaments. But I had them as part of my sexual history. I experienced all of them and now that I am with a certain woman, I chose her traits as the ones I desire most.

Whenever I am by myself, do I sometimes lust after a girl who'd deepthroat and choke? Yea, but I had that and bring up that memory when I fantasize about it. Porn is too easy, it provides the stimulus with a mouse click. In my book a bad and dangerous mechanic to have the sensation so readily available, when in fact we all know that when it comes to sex its not always available in a matter of one minute. Thats why I prefer a more "natural" approach to the whole thing. Maybe I am just being a spiritual ******* about it, lol, dunno.

So it sounds like you've never been a big fan of porn, am I right? Do you think not ever getting too into it allowed you to actually appreciate the real interactions that much more?

Girls need to realize/accept that everyone needs variety. If a guy watches porn, it doesn't mean he's tired of you or doesn't think you're hot enough. It means he's a human being, and doesn't just want to have sex with one person. Porn can be a healthy, safe way to deal with that nature and still be in a monogamous relationship. Porn doesn't have to mean "better looking women." It can just mean, "women, instead of woman."

Some people get unrealistic expectations from porn and/or watch it excessively, but that's not a problem with porn itself - that's the problem of the individual.



Evidence that porn ALWAYS affects everyone's brains negatively? That's like saying alcohol is bad for everyone because it affects some people negatively and they abuse it.

How is it that thinking of women doesn't have a negative impact on your mind, but actually seeing women does? That makes no sense.

Well said. It does definitely lie on the individual to use ANYTHING responsibly.
I think the biggest reason women get upset about men watching porn is because they're always comparing themselves to other women, and porn actresses are designed to be the ultimate in sexuality. Most women feel intimidated by that, and if they realize that these porn stars are stealing attention from them they take it personal
even though, as you stated, it's just a form of random indulgence for men, with no actual emotional ties to anything involved.

Yes it can/cannot. It didnt ruin mine but it was a factor. Got bored with gf and I got to the point I'd rather watch porn than have sex with her. I wouldnt even get excited laying in bed with her.

What did you end up doing?
Do you abstain from porn entirely now, or just minimize the frequency of it?

Just come back from the Christmas meal with my staff. Most of whom are 17-22, and they have all tried anal, having asked when they lost their virginity and what they have done. I have never tried anal at 30, and although I've played with bf's asses, I've never had my own touched. They all say 'it's the norm' so yes. I believe porn plays in expectations that shouldn't be expected to be achieved.

I was actually shocked by what I heard from these 17 year olds to be honest.

lol it's only getting weirder and weirder.
How much do you think the accessibility of nonstop porn plays a role into that?

I feel like there are fetishes today that either didn't exist previously, or were so rare and closeted that no one even knew about them.
Like cuckolding/SPH for example, it may have been a real fetish back in the day, but I guarantee no one knew about it or really talked about it. Nowadays it's starting to be everywhere, a lot of women are aware of it, and it's not so "closeted".
(not that that is necessarily a good thing)

Not all men, some men get addicted to porn just like some people get addicted to alcohol.

Statistics for addictions and mental illness are mostly BS and full of biases so it's irrelevant to recite that crap. Like the one study of # of sexual partners and likelihood of divorce, some Mormon study that is full of crap to show that polygamy is fine.

I know from talking to men and women in relationships with men that porn has created problems in their relationships.

Yes, but statistics, even biased ones, are far more reliable to the general public than one individual's personal anecdotes.
It would be a leap of faith to say that you saw one relationship destroyed by porn, so porn ruins relationships.
It wouldn't be much of a leap at all to say that studies showed an increase in relationship/sexual stress among a sample of 50 couples, in which the man watched porno frequently.

(I don't know if that study exists, I'm just giving you an example)

[5x10]

if it ruins your relationship, then you shouldn't be watching it

that being said, married man here, watch porn, still bang the wife, she doesn't care if I watch it
now, im not bringing it into our bedroom
I can see women being insecure with themselves when compared to the actress's or having an issue with it if their partner is banging them on the regular

[kitpapa]

TBH my husband and I watch porn together sometimes to get things going.
I don't mind at all if I'm gone and he watches it on his own...everybody gets riled up from time to time and needs a release and if I'm not there or not in the mood why should I take away his pleasure when is not like he's actually with someone else.
It's not cheating IMO. I mean every time a women has sex w her SO does she ONLY think of the person she's with? Probably not!

[poker123]

If u are offended, u got insecurity issues


Its just porn manggggg, every guy watches porn
Just human




Whoever is offended, I feel bad for your mate

[ThatKindaGuy]

So it sounds like you've never been a big fan of porn, am I right? Do you think not ever getting too into it allowed you to actually appreciate the real interactions that much more?

I'd guess a big part of the appeal porn has to some is - next to its variety - to explore whats out there. I always enjoyed doing this exploration more with a sexual partner in the flesh. There is this sensation of taking the next step or stepping into new fetish territory. "What if I spread her butt cheeks while she is in cowgirl?" "What if I rub her outer pussy lips while smashing her?" "What if I touch the spot between her pussy and anus?" "Wait what? She is letting me slide my finger in her ass while I am fuking her?" and so on.

Watching two paid "actors" pretend to have a real sexual encounter ... it doesn't do it for me really, except the visual of boobs and pussy.

I can't say if I appreciate the real thing more because of how I view it or not, because I don't have a reference point. But plenty friends who are into porn describe their sex life rather uninspired.

I mean every time a women has sex w her SO does she ONLY think of the person she's with? Probably not!

Men love hearing that.

[tential]

^Who does that? Who are you guys dating?

I get not wanting to be that forceful if it's the very first time with a guy but after that you mean to tell me no girls are initiating?

Plus you guys are saying you get off by being dominate then you're also saying you want the girl to be dominate, so which is it?

By saying she has to be into it I'm not saying she has to be in love. It's like watching a movie. It's only a good movie if it can evoke some kind of feeling. Bad acting doesn't do that.

I'd say the MAJORITY of women I've hooked up with regularly will overdo "foreplay" too much. In that case, she'd get upset when I'd ask her to blow me or ride me and say that "I'm rushing her." I even said "I don't like it when you simply just stroke my dick." It's not teasing in a cute way or anything, I'm PERFECTLY capable of jerking myself off I don't need you to do it for me.

I get off on being dominant, but like janky said, sometimes, you want to have a chick so some interest in initiating sex. I don't want to be the one to have to come up to her, go through 10 hoops of fondling and shiit just to get to sex. Or just throw her down on the bed, be dominant, and then have her start crying saying "This is bringing up bad rape memories"(sadly this happens a lot), or have her start saying that she isn't in the mood. Dudes are ALWAYS in the mood while with chicks, you're just playing russian roulette and HOPING she is in the mood so being dominant doesn't always just "work".
Anyway, like Janky said, sometimes you just want a chick to come home, rip your pants off, and just start sucking your dick. Hell, even just start riding you. I wouldn't even care if she just threw me down, hopped on top of me and rode my face. But the truth is, 99.9% of the sex you have will never be initiated by a woman in a "lustful" manner. Where it feels like she craves you. Most chicks are just too scared to do it, and don't want the "slut" connotation. The only times I've had a girl really be like "I want you to phuck me NOW Please please please" etc. is when drinking. Otherwise it's rare for girls to just initiate sex.

I know it's hard for some chicks, but it isn't black/white "I like one thing" like you make it out to be when you ask "which is it?" It's a healthy mix. But it almost never is that. For most dudes, it's these steps:
Initiate sex.
Hope she's in the mood.
Do the "routine"(whatever you guys usually do. Don't mention anything new/different because she'll go on an emotional tangent about how what she is doing isn't good enough and then withhold sex because she doesn't feel good about herself anymore)
Nut.
Go fap to porn if you still have anything left after repeating above steps and you want to see something different than what you normally do.

This thread made me (sexually) appreciate my girlfriend a whole lot more.

Reading through these posts are seriously confusing me. Your gfs don't watch porn with you, initiate sex, and you guys don't share your dark fantasies? If me and my gf break up someday, it sounds like all the other women I meet are going to suck.

Also, glad to see you back Janky. Your old threads/posts (along with a few others) are the reason I made this account.

I'm describing most chicks I know/have been with. But my first GF, she wasn't shy. She always initiated sex, and was willing to learn to do things better. Sexually speaking, although back then I wasn't very adventurous at all, I was overwhelmed back then with just how much she wanted it.

Yeah maybe.

I think for women sex is more about feeling desired.

Which imo is why so many have a thing for "rape fantasy" I know a lot of guys think it's about being dominated. I personally think it's about have a man so overcome by his desire for you that he has to have you.

It could also by why so few women want to be dominant or initiate.

Probably like. Which is why guys rarely get to feel that feeling of "being desired" since women just sit there and wait. I try to get chicks to do it, but it's a personality thing. Some women can initiate. Most women just can't/won't. If a chick can't initiate though and show that she really "Desires" me, then I don't want a relationship with her. Both parties should show a desire to want each other. Shouldn't just be one person constantly feeding another persons sexual ego.

[kitpapa]

Men love hearing that.[/QUOTE]

If that was sarcasm, I think you took that the wrong way. I don't expect the man to be thinking of the woman he's with every time either. It's human nature.

[buzkil]

Movie Jon Bon, I can see it ruining a relationship if your girlfriend is a princess like that.

[janky]

I'd guess a big part of the appeal porn has to some is - next to its variety - to explore whats out there. I always enjoyed doing this exploration more with a sexual partner in the flesh. There is this sensation of taking the next step or stepping into new fetish territory. "What if I spread her butt cheeks while she is in cowgirl?" "What if I rub her outer pussy lips while smashing her?" "What if I touch the spot between her pussy and anus?" "Wait what? She is letting me slide my finger in her ass while I am fuking her?" and so on.

Watching two paid "actors" pretend to have a real sexual encounter ... it doesn't do it for me really, except the visual of boobs and pussy.

I can't say if I appreciate the real thing more because of how I view it or not, because I don't have a reference point. But plenty friends who are into porn describe their sex life rather uninspired.

I'd say the MAJORITY of women I've hooked up with regularly will overdo "foreplay" too much. In that case, she'd get upset when I'd ask her to blow me or ride me and say that "I'm rushing her." I even said "I don't like it when you simply just stroke my dick." It's not teasing in a cute way or anything, I'm PERFECTLY capable of jerking myself off I don't need you to do it for me.

I get off on being dominant, but like janky said, sometimes, you want to have a chick so some interest in initiating sex. I don't want to be the one to have to come up to her, go through 10 hoops of fondling and shiit just to get to sex. Or just throw her down on the bed, be dominant, and then have her start crying saying "This is bringing up bad rape memories"(sadly this happens a lot), or have her start saying that she isn't in the mood. Dudes are ALWAYS in the mood while with chicks, you're just playing russian roulette and HOPING she is in the mood so being dominant doesn't always just "work".
Anyway, like Janky said, sometimes you just want a chick to come home, rip your pants off, and just start sucking your dick. Hell, even just start riding you. I wouldn't even care if she just threw me down, hopped on top of me and rode my face. But the truth is, 99.9% of the sex you have will never be initiated by a woman in a "lustful" manner. Where it feels like she craves you. Most chicks are just too scared to do it, and don't want the "slut" connotation. The only times I've had a girl really be like "I want you to phuck me NOW Please please please" etc. is when drinking. Otherwise it's rare for girls to just initiate sex.

I know it's hard for some chicks, but it isn't black/white "I like one thing" like you make it out to be when you ask "which is it?" It's a healthy mix. But it almost never is that. For most dudes, it's these steps:
Initiate sex.
Hope she's in the mood.
Do the "routine"(whatever you guys usually do. Don't mention anything new/different because she'll go on an emotional tangent about how what she is doing isn't good enough and then withhold sex because she doesn't feel good about herself anymore)
Nut.
Go fap to porn if you still have anything left after repeating above steps and you want to see something different than what you normally do.

Which is why guys rarely get to feel that feeling of "being desired" since women just sit there and wait. I try to get chicks to do it, but it's a personality thing. Some women can initiate. Most women just can't/won't. If a chick can't initiate though and show that she really "Desires" me, then I don't want a relationship with her. Both parties should show a desire to want each other. Shouldn't just be one person constantly feeding another persons sexual ego.

These two posts really tie in together to paint the whole picture.

Sex in the flesh is much more enjoyable than a fap and clean up. Life experience of having the ability to try various different types of women, experiment with their bodies and your own, and push the envelope of a woman's sexuality...

man... there's nothing that tops that...

but unfortunately, the flip side to this, for many men, is that women are so vanilla and timidly boring sexually. Rather than being comfortable with their sexuality, they have anyone and everyone to blame for why they aren't fuking like porn stars. This is immediately followed by the inevitable nagging that they "aren't good enough", and then they become even more self-conscious with you sexually.

Instead of taking initiative to get in touch with their sexuality and explore with their partner, they complain about it and view pornography as a threat to the attention they desperately crave from their man.

Having a partner you are comfortable with in the bedroom is a fuking fantastic opportunity to really push your boundaries sexually and see how good something can feel with another person (or 2, 3, 8 if you're into that).

It's such a god damn waste to sit there whining about insecurities instead of exploring.

Now enter porn; a man can explore whatever the hell he wants. There are no nags, no insecurities, no fights, no depressed gf that won't put out for a week because you told her she used teeth during head and you don't like that, etc.
You click around for a few minutes, you get hard as a rock, you get off, you close the window and clean up.
Done.
Simple.


Granted, it should never be a replacement for actual intercourse. However, if the woman you genuinely love is boring as hell in bed and instead of taking constructive criticism and learning to I dunno, maybe ENJOY sex, she complains and gets even more insecure, well then...
Does she really have a right to get mad at her man for seeking out his desires through porn?

[makovex33]

Just come back from the Christmas meal with my staff. Most of whom are 17-22, and they have all tried anal, having asked when they lost their virginity and what they have done. I have never tried anal at 30, and although I've played with bf's asses, I've never had my own touched. They all say 'it's the norm' so yes. I believe porn plays in expectations that shouldn't be expected to be achieved.

I was actually shocked by what I heard from these 17 year olds to be honest.

phukn lol