No Days Off: Goalie_Girl's Log

[Goalie_Girl]

Im back and now that Im into this thing and invested in myself 100% its time to start a journal where I can get support and talk out some of the struggles I'm having with people who understand why I love to sweat as much as I do. Here is my most recent bodyblog post as a good starting place to get everyone up to speed:

Hey guys. I'm back. For real this time.


Im in better shape than Ive ever been since I joined this site and thats exciting. Mentally I struggle, my ups and downs with weight come from an improperly functioning thyroid and clinical depression that prompts me to eat in unpleasant times. My life over the last year has been a wreck. And so with the reliability of the rising sun my weight rose as well. I had been a whopping 215 lbs. at my all time high in my senior year at high school. I made my first push to lose weight in college and was down to 165 and holding steady but always wanting to do more, always wanting to break that last barrier and become what Ive always really wanted.


With the last year wreaking havoc on my life I lost my car, my home, my relationship and parts of my health. I'm picking up the pieces now but not before I had ballooned up to 196 pounds by April. I've reinvented myself. With the impact my depression has on me these days sometimes I feel like the bike is the only thing keeping me alive. It started out as a dedication to eat healthier, than to lose weight before a vacation, then to exercise everyday until I left. Fast forward to now I have a very open love affair with my exercise bike. I workout twice a day nearly every day around a full time work schedule. I cant sleep if I haven't gasped for air, sweated out that final mile or growled out a last rep that day. Today I weigh 158 pounds, I'm eagerly awaiting the last two to come off before I can say I lost 40. And that is just the beginning.


My goals are simple, return to hockey and take a championship, complete the aids life cycle ride from SF to LA and reach 130 pounds as a well toned beast of a human being. And I have no choice but to accomplish them.

.................................................. ....................


Anyway, ask questions if you have any. I am just an open honest person who is looking to change their life. Here will be a day to day way of tracking my activities and thoughts.


Today started off with the usual 35 minute HIIT session on the stationary bike. (btw if you read this enough you will catch on that I love my bike) Burned 508 calories before slurping back a store-bought protein shake and heading to work. This brings up 2 points.

#1 I work in a cupcake shop.

A full on, wonderful, best cupcakes ever producing cup cake shop. This provides a wonderful and never ending stream of temptation. I allow myself to indulge in usually one cupcake a day which is terrible but I make up for it when I pound myself to death at the home gym later and im still losing weight. At some point when I get tired of amazing cupcakes that will slow considerably but for now I look forward to my daily cupcake. Plus as a cashier who has been promoted and is learning the way of becoming a baker its is my duty to sample our shops wares and not only have better information for customers but better information for my baking skills and flavor creating at a later date.

#2 I dont know what to do about my protein intake.

What kind of protein do I drink and when do I drink it? Pre work out? Post workout? Whey? With all the information out there about protein I mostly just get very confused when I try to address the problem. Lately Ive been drinking a store bought protein shake after I workout. But these shakes are not cost effective in the long run, the sugar amount is high and the protein amount is not high enough. Shakes are essential for me because my stomach hates digesting real food in the morning. For actual meals I get most of my protein through chicken, shrimp, tuna, soy milk, beans, etc. But I am really really confused at how to get my protein game all set up. Now that Ive become way more serious on the weight training I want to make sure Im getting the most out of what I do, so in short: what should I drink and when? Granted most of my work right now is still to burn fat but the goal is and always will be to burn muscle. Looking for a good, basic, easy probably chocolate protein that I can mix with soymilk or regular milk. That brings another question, what do you guys mix with? Also is there a preworkout supplment with caffeine I should be looking at before cardio to optimize fat loss? Was looking at the BPI B4.

So its about 7:15, 15 minutes until I close shop and leave work. In less than an hour I should be home and on the bike and then hitting the weights. Today will be arms/chest/core. And lately I've been skipping a day between that and legs because I do cardio twice a day so I dont want to fatigue but who knows if I'll just break down that barrier and say F it. Dont want to burn out. But what I really would like to do is add a plyometrics day between the two and that is the master plan.

Should have an update in a few hours with stats from tonights workout, update on todays diet and maybe photos of the fabulous post workout meal being prepared for me by my landlord.

NO DAYS OFF.

[Goalie_Girl]

Biked 20 minutes for a 300 calorie burn. Then chest/arms worked out like this:



Post workout meal was meatloaf, broccoli, mashed taters.



Feeling good, sore, beastly, determined.

[Goalie_Girl]

As for today's exercise. Did 500 calories in 35 minutes on the bike this morning. Just now I had a stretching session followed by some calf raises and pumping out a couple quick sets of push ups. I am really looking to improve on the quality and quantity of my push-ups, so I have to be constantly working at it. As for dirt today, I've had a strawberry smoothie and that's it, contemplating now what I should get some protein out of.

[MoEcho]

Hi. Welcome!!

I love cupcakes ......

[Goalie_Girl]

Thankyou!

I had become good at resisting temptations until these cupcakes. They're too good not to eat. Check us out here: https://m.********.com/cutesycupcake...le.com%2F&_rdr

[Goalie_Girl]

Let me start by updating my exercise for last night and today. Burned off 421 calories in a 30 minute ride last night, woke up and did my usual 35 minutes this morning and burned off 505 calories. Diet so far today has been my usual protein shake and a strawberry smoothie from jamba juice with a whey protein boost.

Todays question: Anyone have a good weightless or nearly weightless workout regimine for me? I do a lot of things like push ups and crunches because I have no gear. Like I said, I have a few dumbells thats it. I'll be investing in more gear but not just yet. Someone give me a workout that will be punishing and productive with just my body weight and a few little weights!

[MoEcho]

Thankyou!

I had become good at resisting temptations until these cupcakes. They're too good not to eat. Check us out here: https://m.********.com/cutesycupcake...le.com%2F&_rdr

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmmmm

Invent protein cupcakes = you'll be a zillionaire .. and forum hero tee hee

[Goalie_Girl]

Haha, those would be awesome!

As for the exercise and diet, hit the bike for 20 minutes HIIT last night and burned 303 calories. Ate about a cup and a half of shredded chicken, serving of soymilk and crashed out to bed. Woke up this morning and did my normal fasted 35 minutes and burned 515 calories. Had my protein shake, about to have a banana here in a bit. Walked the half mile or so to work.

Sometimes in this journal I feel like the new kid at school. None of the popular girls will talk to me, lol. Jk. I gotta have more interesting stuff to say and better workout stats to post. I have something to say about nutrition. I just realized Im definitely not eating enough calories. I do need to figure out my own maintenance and fat loss calorie level. I guess I should be eating more then. So that's what I'll do. Ive gotta start cooking up some protein at the beginning of the week so I can always have it accessible. I work till 8:00 then come home and work out. I dont want to cook. I think this has really just made me examine my habits and find the weakness. I need to get much more strict with my nutrition now that I demand so much out of my body. I cant just eat healthy I have to eat for fuel.

[Goalie_Girl]

Picture time! Figured you guys might want to get to know me and where I am progress wise a little better.

Was gonna wait until I hit 40 to post my pics. I wont be posting any more transformation pictures until I fully reach my goal at the end of 130/135 lbs. I just wanted to get your guys opinions and hear some positive feedback. I could use some fuel for the gym after work today.

Before: April 22 and mid July



First photo is April 22 recovering from wisdom tooth surgery. I weighed in at 196 pounds, which honestly isnt even my highest. I spent some time at 213 lbs a while back. The second photo is mid July as a bridesmaid at my friends wedding. I weigh somewehere in the 170s-180s here. I had started to cut back portion sizes and eliminate most of the unhealthy foods in my diet at this point but I hadnt started really exercising yet. After returning from the wedding trip I bought my exercise bike, discovered a new mindset and the rest is history. Even more so in the coming weeks I've become a different creature.



This is me this morning September 13th weighing in at 157 lbs. Feeling a lot healthier, happier, stronger. Im working out 7 days a week twice a day. Feeling really good. I still have a little pudge around the middle and a lot of fat to trim back still but Im doing sets of pushups and biking 40 miles in a sitting. I cant stop!

What do you guys think? Advice, compliments, criticism are always welcome! Hopefully I can inspire someone as much as some of the people here have inspired me! Hoping to reach my goal of a trim, toned, beastly looking 130/135 by the end of the year. Sometimes I think its hard to see the progress even though I know its there. I feel completely different, I just still see myself as obese. Here's another photo at 157. I guess there is a pretty big difference, haha I look like such a blob in that first picture as compared to this one.

[Goalie_Girl]

Couldn't drag myself to the bike last night. My depression elbowed its way in and shut that down, didn't eat dinner either, just sort of called it an early night.

It's a new day though, just getting around to getting up. About to suit up and hit the bike, then it's off to work.

Not that anyone cares enough to read this...

[Goalie_Girl]

Did my 25 minutes HIIT on the bike this morning, 359 calories burned or so. And had my lucerne protein shake.

2 things:

1. The measurements for calories burned that I've been going off of is not entirely accurate. What I really need to is buy a heart monitor but I have a list of gear to buy as long as my arm and I'm poor. I need a heart monitor, a little barbell set, some dumbbells/kettle bells, more workout clothing, and point #2....

2. Protein! I get paid this monday I believe and that means a big ol' jug of whey protein for me! Yay! These shakes I've got now aren't cutting it, time to see real results!

Speaking of real results you may have noticed I havent been lifting lately. Im going to do a full body workout tonight and put in some abuse since I have tomorrow off. Sometimes I sandwich my workout between cardio. I'm wondering if its more beneficial to just do it before or is what I'm doing fine. 15 minutes cardio, then lift, then another 15 minutes. Always trying to put in thought into what is better for my body.

Also briskly walked the quarter mile or so to work today. Gotta focus on getting some water in.

[Goalie_Girl]

Unfortunately when I got home from work last night my landlords were using the garage to entertain company and so I was kept from my workout as all the gear was essentially trapped, last nights workout will become tonight's workout. (Not so beast mode )For now I'm just getting ready for my daily morning fasted cardio. It feels so good to have the day off today from work.

[Goalie_Girl]

Got a nice long post for you guys this morning. Lots of photos.

Starting with yesterday. I felt so hungry yesterday that it became an unplanned refeed day. I stayed within a 1200-1400 calories, a bit hard to tell with the food I ate not having exact nutrition facts listed. It's quite possible I was within my 1280 calorie budget. For lunch I got a shredded chicken burrito at a local taqueria I used to visit. Here's the money shot:



My god. Normally as an obese person I could mow this down. Even yesterday with my extreme hunger I stopped several bites short of finishing. The next two hours at work I had the worst stomach ache I've had in a while. It was good, not great but I needed a lot of food at the time. Next time, if there is one and there probably won't be, I would half it. Next refeed will not be for a while, but I suppose a burrito and two cupcakes are good because....

....I stepped on the scale today a pound lighter. As of this morning I have lost 40 pounds. Photo on the left is April 22, wisdom tooth surgery day, weighing in at 196 pounds. Left is this morning after my ride at 156 pounds. 40 pounds gone in 146 days.



Got another 25 pounds or so to lose and then would like to put on 10 pounds of solid muscle. Sort of working at both at the same time right now. So we'll see what happens next. I'm pumped.

Here are the stats from this mornings ride.

[Goalie_Girl]

Went out yesterday and spent a good amount of the new paycheck on getting to the next level. With 40 pounds gone its time to kick it to the next level. Here's my haul for about $70.



Avia moisture wicking tights
Rbx long sleeve moisture wicking shirt
Nike mantra tee
Tub of EAS protein
Shaker bottle
New earbuds to replace broken gym set

Tights and long sleeve are for my morning rides, it's starting to get colder in the garage! Love the nike shirts. I call them mantra tees because I am currently in the best shape of my life but my goal, my mantra, is what's on that shirt. Everyday it's time to be stronger, faster, better. Protein and shaker are to finally get my nutrition and protein in check. It's basically all about getting serious and dedicated to bringing it to that next level. Also finally got the nutrition goals for MFP in check and so I'll be able to bring you guy updates a lot easier nutrition wise from there.

I'm just waking up about to make a protein shake and get on the bike. While we're here, here's stats for last nights workout:





Drank my first shake last night, I go wit 1/3 water, 2/3 light vanilla soy milk, and two scoops of protein. Pretty tasty and much better rounded than my previous shakes. Less sugar, more protein. I drink one half pre workout, the other half post. I learned to drink it slower cause damn nothing makes you feel fuller, to the point if discomfort than taking the whole shake in one long drink. I'm excited about 40 pounds gone, even if no one else is...no one looks at my journals here, but I'm even more excited about what's next. Time to go beast mode!

[Goalie_Girl]

Went crazy in the kitchen today to cook for basically the entire week. I'll walk you through what I call the fiesta bowl and the sausage pack. These are the names I give my pre measured Tupperware packed meals when i put them in MyFitnessPal and calculate out servings and macros.

The fiesta bowl has several components:



1 cup shredded roasted chicken thighs with chipotle and lime







2 tablespoons salsa

Half an Avocado

And 1 cup of my sweet corn salad.

The sweet corn salad consists of orange bell pepper (not pictured), mango, sweet corn, jalapeño, red onion, black beans, lime and olive oil. Eaten hot or cold it's delicious and filling.



The fiesta bowl end up being a ridiculously tasty mixture of flavors and proteins smothered in lime and hot sauce. The total nutrients are:

568 calories
25g fat
38g carbs
47g protein

[Goalie_Girl]

For dinner I cooked up the sausage pack. The sausage pack contains the following:

1 all natural nitrate free chicken/feta/spinach sausage link

3/4 cup steamed veggies

1/4 a large yam

The nutrients are as follows:

168 Calories
5 g fat
12g carbs
18g protein

This sturdy meal is awesome, cause I love yams. And I love these open nature chicken sausages. Nitrates are a migraine trigger for me so I can't have them, plus these taste great.



So now in my fridge I have 4 fiesta bowls, 3 additional servings of corn salad, and 3 sausage packs. Healthy meals for the week, yay!



Here are my workout stats for tonight and my MFP stats for the day with 2 protein shakes, one fiesta bowl and one sausage pack.

[gobbles23]

Damn, that food looks good Congrats on all your progress so far! Do you only workout at home?

[Goalie_Girl]

Finally someone came in here! lol

Thank you! If anyone wants recipes for anything let me know. I love the sweet corn salad, its quick and tastes good whenever, wherever. And thank you for the congrats on my progress, its slowed a bit so I've found a new level of dedication lately. Especially to my nutrition. I'm a perfectionist and my own biggest critic and a hockey player. Nothing is ever enough for me. I'll be happy with another 25 pounds of fat gone and 10 pounds of muscle added. I do only workout at home right now, and I'm in the process of acquiring some real gear. I have my own exercise bike which I freakin love and a couple little dumbbells. Looking to acquire a mini barbell set very soon and about to get back to hockey after a 2 year absence. Yes!!!!! I will be back to my calling soon!

Here's my bike stats for this morning (time/calories) : (sorry if the pics are big)

[MyriaK]

Geeze, just reading this thread is making me hungry.

You work in a Cupcake Shop? I'm speechless, I just can't imagine. I'd either be big as a house (come to think of it, been there and done that), or I'd have to will myself numb to the temptation.

Despite the fact that I haven't had anything like a good cupcake in longer than I care to contemplate, I don't think I'd ever want to be numb to that particular temptation.

I like your weekly meal set-up. I do something similar, though far more simplistic. I generally buy up boneless/skinless chicken breasts when they go on sale, typically every couple of weeks around here, cook them all on a Foreman grill, cut and portion them into containers of 8oz each, and put a few in the fridge and the rest in the freezer. I do pretty much the same thing with 97% low fat ground turkey, though unfortunately that goes on sale less often. Then I steam a big batch of Basmati or Quinoa (to be honest I prefer the Basmati, even if the Quinoa does have better nutritional stats), portion it into cup-each containers. Last up are eggs, which I steam to hard boiled in batches of two dozen.

In other words, my diet is a whole lot less interesting looking (and, I'm sure, tasting) than yours.

As far as the protein powder thing is concerned, for what it's worth I found myself finally deciding that I'd much rather eat my protein then drink it. Overall there just wasn't that much of a difference, gram for gram, in caloric cost between a lean meat like grilled chicken breast and the powder. Really it seemed to me the only advantage to the powder was it could be rather convenient if you didn't have much time or couldn't be in your kitchen.

When I was having a protein shake regularly, though, I liked adding a half cup (or whatever 140g is) of frozen fruit to it before blending. Only cost 60kcal, gave me a bit of a carb kick post-workout, and improved the taste no end.

Anyway, congrats on all your progress and may you continue to get ever closer to your goals!

[Goalie_Girl]

Geeze, just reading this thread is making me hungry.

You work in a Cupcake Shop? I'm speechless, I just can't imagine. I'd either be big as a house (come to think of it, been there and done that), or I'd have to will myself numb to the temptation.

Despite the fact that I haven't had anything like a good cupcake in longer than I care to contemplate, I don't think I'd ever want to be numb to that particular temptation.

I like your weekly meal set-up. I do something similar, though far more simplistic. I generally buy up boneless/skinless chicken breasts when they go on sale, typically every couple of weeks around here, cook them all on a Foreman grill, cut and portion them into containers of 8oz each, and put a few in the fridge and the rest in the freezer. I do pretty much the same thing with 97% low fat ground turkey, though unfortunately that goes on sale less often. Then I steam a big batch of Basmati or Quinoa (to be honest I prefer the Basmati, even if the Quinoa does have better nutritional stats), portion it into cup-each containers. Last up are eggs, which I steam to hard boiled in batches of two dozen.

In other words, my diet is a whole lot less interesting looking (and, I'm sure, tasting) than yours.

As far as the protein powder thing is concerned, for what it's worth I found myself finally deciding that I'd much rather eat my protein then drink it. Overall there just wasn't that much of a difference, gram for gram, in caloric cost between a lean meat like grilled chicken breast and the powder. Really it seemed to me the only advantage to the powder was it could be rather convenient if you didn't have much time or couldn't be in your kitchen.

When I was having a protein shake regularly, though, I liked adding a half cup (or whatever 140g is) of frozen fruit to it before blending. Only cost 60kcal, gave me a bit of a carb kick post-workout, and improved the taste no end.

Anyway, congrats on all your progress and may you continue to get ever closer to your goals!

Lol, I'm always glad when something I cook makes someone hungry not repulsed. Always a good thing.

I do work in a cupcake shop, I was allowing myself usually one cupcake a day, not always, still staying under 1300 calories a day and making good progress. But I'm cutting back even more, maybe to only 1 or 2 per week. We'll see. My challenge is staying low enough in my calories to cut while still feeling full. Working out twice a day 7 days a week has me wanting to eat like a friggin' animal. Im currently at work staring at a whole case of cupcakes trying not to eat 2 or 3. Its time to bump up my calories a bit I think.

As far as cooking for the week I always like to mix it up. I love chicken, thighs just happened to be on sale this week so I used those. Breasts are so much easier though so next time I'll just pay more for the boneless skinless breasts. I love to make the corn salad as a standby and thrown together the little bowls with black beans for protein and avocado for fat, drizzled in lime and hot sauce. It's nutritionally balanced, decently sized, packed full of protein and filling.

Next week I'm thinking either a lean turkey meat loaf or meatballs. I've got some salmon in the freezer, thinking of maybe some tuna burgers too. I always need good ideas so if you guys have recipes or ideas especially with chicken, let me know!

Protein powder is an essential for me. In the morning my digestive system pretty much rejects solid food. I need the protein shake before my morning fasted cardio, plus it helps I can chug it after work, lift, and then worry about dinner. I wont ride and lift on an empty stomach. I like to eat protein but I also like the convenience of readily absorb-able, easily prepared, digestible protein. Mine are just water, light vanilla soymilk, and protein for now but I have natural peanut butter, pumpkin spice and cinnamon for in case I'm feeling adventurous, plus a couple other little add ones up my sleeve for when I crave variety. I dont fire up the blender in the morning so all my shake stuff has to be able to go into a shaker bottle. I plan on picking up a second tub of protein with a better flavor like cookie dough or something fruity to mix it up.

Thanks for the congrats on my progress. I just want more!

[geek23ka]

IN for food and determination. saw you in punky's journal.

[Goalie_Girl]

IN for food and determination. saw you in punky's journal.

Thanks! There will be much more healthy food to come, and some unhealthy stuff. Like one of my favorite things ever which I ate today at work:



Had my one cupcake for the day. It was oh so good. Figured I'd post a photo to tease you guys and show you what I help make and sell at work. This is the caramel apple pie cupcake, my absolute favorite. Cinnamon cake, apple pie filling, graham cracker crust, caramel frosting, struesel crumble, milk chocolate apple embellishment. This cupcake right here is heaven ladies.

Actually feeling a little worn down right now. About half way through my shift at work I started feeling kind of hot and a little tired. Hope 'Im not getting sick again so soon, if I dont feel up to it in about an hour or so there will be no bike ride tonight. But, I'm hoping thats not the case, would still like to get in a solid 20 minute ride in at least.

[MyriaK]

That cupcake looks so good it has to be sinful.

Quite possibly evil incarnate.

I hope you're feeling better and are not getting ill. If you are, though, take care of yourself and give your body a chance to recover. During an illness is not a good time to push, you can end up costing yourself more workout time and "gainz" by pushing through an illness or injury than doing so will ever get you.

IMHO, and all that.

[Goalie_Girl]

That cupcake looks so good it has to be sinful.

Quite possibly evil incarnate.

I hope you're feeling better and are not getting ill. If you are, though, take care of yourself and give your body a chance to recover. During an illness is not a good time to push, you can end up costing yourself more workout time and "gainz" by pushing through an illness or injury than doing so will ever get you.

IMHO, and all that.

It is an amazing cupcake.

I was sick two weeks ago, busted ass on the bike and sweated it out in two days, I know my limits though you have to know when you can work through it and when you have to surrender and recuperate.

I felt sick last night, feverish almost. I was tired and hot after work. Kept off the bike and had a cheat night out of it. Don't ask me why. Here are the MFP stats from yesterday, not awful but a lot of fat. I definitely regretted it later but ah we'll I'm moving forward and more than making up for it today.



Today has been a nutritionally stringent and disciplined day like it should be. Here are this mornings bike stats. Still felt a little off this morning but after the ride I felt great.



Pumped out a couple sets of push ups today while watching ESPN. I think I'm kind of becoming addicted to them now that I can do them. Lol.

[Goalie_Girl]

Slipped up and binged badly the last two days. Thing is between walking the dog and two hard sessions of cardio I did about 1200 calories worth of exercise yesterday. My daily budget is 1300. So yesterday I had 3 bowls of soup at dinner and nearly a whole box of cereal. Since I started this journey in April I have not had a problem with my diet and then I totally screw up the last two days. It's odd, and it makes me mad at myself.

The thing is I haven't taken a full day off from the bike in a while. I don't have a rest day. I'm overdoing if a bit I think. I gotta up my calories so I don't grab the first thing I see when I'm feeling starved.

Woke up today, had my shake, did 514 calories, nearly 14 miles in 35 minutes. My goal is 600 calories and 15 miles in 35 minutes. At the beginning of this I was doing 350 calories in 35 minutes, lol.

Next goal is to ride 100 miles in one sitting. A century. Did 40 in one sitting a while back and I've got in better shape since then. Something I'll be training up for in the next few weeks. One step closer towards the 5 day real deal goal.

[gobbles23]

You need a rest day or two for sure! I don't know how you do it!

[MyriaK]

Don't kick yourself about binging, it's not worth it. Tomorrow (or, in this case, today) is another day. Try and see if there are any triggers or behaviors that tend to lead to it, and don't forget to consider the possibility that you're just pushing your diet down to an unsustainable level and your body is rebelling.

Beyond that, meh, defecation occurs.

You definitely need rest days. It's not the exercise itself that builds muscle, it's the repair and rebuilding of the muscles you worked that does. If you don't give your body rest periods you end up doing increasing amounts of damage without your body having a sufficient amount of time to rebuild, which can be very counterproductive.

IMHO, and all that.

[Goalie_Girl]

You need a rest day or two for sure! I don't know how you do it!

I dont like to have a rest day, lol. I feel lazy. I cant get progress fast enough. I feel bad if I haven't tried to sweat my way to the body I want in a day. I know I should have one but I cant bring myself to do it.

Don't kick yourself about binging, it's not worth it. Tomorrow (or, in this case, today) is another day. Try and see if there are any triggers or behaviors that tend to lead to it, and don't forget to consider the possibility that you're just pushing your diet down to an unsustainable level and your body is rebelling.

Beyond that, meh, defecation occurs.

You definitely need rest days. It's not the exercise itself that builds muscle, it's the repair and rebuilding of the muscles you worked that does. If you don't give your body rest periods you end up doing increasing amounts of damage without your body having a sufficient amount of time to rebuild, which can be very counterproductive.

IMHO, and all that.

I try not to beat myself up but I'm so critical of myself, I want more from myself always. I'm using today as a test. You're right, as long as I move forward no harm done. I'm willing to go through the pain in the gym, I have to be disciplined in the kitchen or I'm just cheating myself out of what I could be, should be, with all that hard work.

Its not so much a habitual bingeing thing either. This is really my first crazy binge since I changed my lifestyle in April. The problem is when I'm feeling depleted or starved I just go for whatever I can get the most of at once, last night it happened to be a big batch of soup my landlord just made and a box of cereal. The problem is my calorie deficit was crazy yesterday until that binge. I was over 1000 in the calorie deficit after the second cardio session. I should have stuck to the plan had my premade meal and that should have been it. Instead I had a bunch of food presented to me and I gorged because my body was totally empty. I should have made myself full on something healthy but I chose the quickest option. Its up to me not to make that mistake again.

As far as rest days go its almost like I feel like I cant stop, blah blah progress and perfectionism and all that, thats all well and good but beyond that I need the bike. I've been in a very deep low in my depression for the past 6 months, sometimes the bike is the only thing that keeps me sane and stable and takes away the time I have alone to let my thoughts eat at me. On the bike I feel free, I focus on breathing, I focus on music, I focus on my legs, my speed, I focus on stretching my abs when I sit up. I think of the pain leaving my body and the success replacing it afterwards. I think of all the goals I want to achieve and yet at the same time I think of nothing, I'm just breathing, sweating, my legs pumping. Its difficult to describe but I need it.

I think I can avoid a rest day and diet disaster by just feeding myself a little more. I just have goals I want to meet. Arent my muscles healing enough while I sleep? lol

[gobbles23]

Mkay, but it doesn't really work like that. As you lose more fat and if you add more intense lifting and continue to diet, those binging episodes will continue because you'll be burning yourself out. Anyway, suit yourself

[Goalie_Girl]

I'll definitely be adding more food, the right kinds of food. And I guess I'll have to find a day to rest. I'll stick one in there. I'll make it a light day, maybe limit all my exercise to walking the dog and maybe have a cheat meal that day? It would give me a nice outlet during the week to look forward to and a time to eat anything I might feel like missing although truthfully I miss very little from my previous diet. Reading up on whether its safe or healthy to train everyday I realize I'm probably being stupid going like this so hard. Physically I feel decent. My body feels good, my muscles feel good, endurance wise I can definitely go twice a day seven days a week but I feel like I'm hitting a plateau. My body may be fighting just a little bit. I keep telling myself if I can physically make it through my workouts than I'm fine, I can do it, I can keep up that pace but that's not the case. I think about professional athletes, well they train 7 days a week, why cant I? The thing is they've built up to that over years. I've had months. If I slow down maybe progress will speed up. I guess its time to accept some limitations and that I cannot try to friggin will myself to faster and faster progress without hurting myself.

I should read your signature everyday to drive the point home. Haha.