Don't know what to do

[KidAlchemy]

Okay this is going to be some angst stuff but I really could use an advice.

I'm feeling pretty unhappy about my life but I don't know why or how to fix it. I just want to be happy.

I'm making steady progress loosing weight and gaining strength. I actually made a PR on bench today pressing 1.5 x my bodyweight. But even that kind of accomplishment felt meaningles for some reason. I was like yay I got it but it didn't make me any happier.

I always thought that being happy meant doing the things you love and have passion for. Well, I'm doing those things right now! But why do I keep going to bed all depressed and chit night after night. I just want to be happy and I believe I deserve something better. At least better than this. I want to have fun.

[Sailorbrah]

well, how about you make a list of things you want to do that you think is fun... and do them?

maybe itll help you brah, i was in the same boat once, but for other reasons and it sucks lol

[leroylavey]

You need to know your why. "He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." Sometimes happiness can fall down into your signature strengths. Most people in society aren't happy because their not using their strengths. If you don't know your strengths start with generic MYBI then move to keirsey temperment, also you can go to authentichappiness.com and take a free strength assesstment via character strengths. There's the strengthsfinder 2.0 test which you can get on amazon.

There's also the enneagram which you can take a free strength assesstment online. There's also four archetypes of a man, king, warrior, magician, and lover. There's also david kolb's model of four learning styles, what style, why style, how style, and what if style. You can also take the Big 5 test. There's more sophisticated apporaches like kolbe.com There's also 5love languages you can learn.

Those are just some ideas and tools to help gain clarity on your strengths. Bodybuilding is suppose to be fun, it's not suppose to be a grueling process.

[rallen4a]

been in that boat for about 3 years man. sometimes looking for happiness is only going to make things worse. My approach has been not to hunt for happiness but to make me and everything around me better each and everyday so when i do find that happiness i'll be the best me and know i couldn't of done better.

sadly that day hasn't come yet but i continue to grind away making me a better me everyday. somedays i have 0 motivation and 0 clue to why i'm doing what i'm doing.. but in the end i know that what i'm doing now, today, yesterday, tomorrow, i will never be able to regret it because i'm making myself a better person and when that happiness comes i will be the best me and if that happiness doesn't last i will know it wasn't met to be.

bodybuilding/lifting is only a small portion of the mix for me, but it helps me keep things in line.

just keep plugging away. try to stay busy, for me its having a part time job being in school, lifting, having other time consuming hobbies like golf and things i don't have to rely on anyone else for.

if you really feel like you can't get out of the funk talk to a doctor. depression is a serious thing.


side note my dad always told me something and its always been in the back of my mind, basically ever since i came out to my parents that i don't believe in god or afterlife.. and that is to be happy you have to find a purpose or believe in a purpose. just living day to day and expecting materialistic things, reputation, sex that stuff to get you by will leave you with a bland life. so maybe exploring some things you have never done or haven't done in a long time will help you out.

just my 2 cents

[leroylavey]

“Don't aim at success. The more you aim at it and make it a target, the more you are going to miss it. For success, like happiness, cannot be pursued; it must ensue, and it only does so as the unintended side effect of one's personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself or as the by-product of one's surrender to a person other than oneself. Happiness must happen, and the same holds for success: you have to let it happen by not caring about it. I want you to listen to what your conscience commands you to do and go on to carry it out to the best of your knowledge. Then you will live to see that in the long-run—in the long-run, I say!—success will follow you precisely because you had forgotten to think about it” -Victor Frankl

[SirDukeLyfe]

Hey opie..I dont have a direct solution to your dilemma, I wish I did But I do wanna share a story with you, in hopes that you take something away from it. I figured its worth a shot.

I had the cool opportunity to go to southeast asia about 10 yrs ago. My gf and I of 2yrs had just broken up and I was devastated as she was my high-school sweetheart. As you may have already figured, I did not enjoy the trip one bit. Instead of just focusing on the moment, on what's right in front of me, I instead chose to wallow in self-pity and dwell on the break up I was in one of the largest mall in asia and my mind was on my ex... I was in front of magnificent rice terraces and I was thinking of how angry I was at her.. For christs sakes I was in front of hundreds of incredible small islands and all i could think of was how sad my life was without her..

Looking back now, I regret not enjoying the short opportunity I had in SE asia..All these amazing things, nature, events and world wonders surrounded me but I chose to ignore the present moment and instead focus on the break up (as if dwelling on it will bring her back). Sometimes we look back at the past and it depresses us.. but I realized that the past was once a present moment we chose to not enjoy because we were too caught up dwelling on the past, (as well as getting anxious on the future). The present moment really is the only moment available to us, like this moment, and this, ..and this.. I now have learned to just enjoy the present moment, the "here & now," whenever I can. This might sound stupid but learn how to be happy for no reason at all, because if you have to have a reason, remember that that reason can be taken away from you. I have learned to just surrender to the joy in the moment, because "in the moment" really everything is all good.. We CAN choose to be happy NOW. It takes practice, but you lift so I assume you have the resiliency and tenaciousness to try this way of thinking. Life's waaaaay too short so pls try your best to be happy NOW opie, change the way you see things and these things will change..

Doing the things you love and passionate about do bring happiness. But in my humblest opinion, TRUE passion shouldn't be something you use to arrive somewhere/to get a desired result..Its the journey, not the destination as you may have heard millions of times. It's something that you do for the simple fact that it just gives you peace and it forces you to be "in the moment," --you dont really care about the end result, you do it cuz you just love the act of doing it..passion is something you just get lost in..I mean time just stops and you are in your own bubble of joy, it consumes you, you bathe in it, whenever you're doing it, you are at peace and already complete...and nothing else matters.

[KidAlchemy]

Thanks everyone for amazing tips and support!

been in that boat for about 3 years man. sometimes looking for happiness is only going to make things worse. My approach has been not to hunt for happiness but to make me and everything around me better each and everyday so when i do find that happiness i'll be the best me and know i couldn't of done better.

sadly that day hasn't come yet but i continue to grind away making me a better me everyday. somedays i have 0 motivation and 0 clue to why i'm doing what i'm doing.. but in the end i know that what i'm doing now, today, yesterday, tomorrow, i will never be able to regret it because i'm making myself a better person and when that happiness comes i will be the best me and if that happiness doesn't last i will know it wasn't met to be.

bodybuilding/lifting is only a small portion of the mix for me, but it helps me keep things in line.

just keep plugging away. try to stay busy, for me its having a part time job being in school, lifting, having other time consuming hobbies like golf and things i don't have to rely on anyone else for.

if you really feel like you can't get out of the funk talk to a doctor. depression is a serious thing.


side note my dad always told me something and its always been in the back of my mind, basically ever since i came out to my parents that i don't believe in god or afterlife.. and that is to be happy you have to find a purpose or believe in a purpose. just living day to day and expecting materialistic things, reputation, sex that stuff to get you by will leave you with a bland life. so maybe exploring some things you have never done or haven't done in a long time will help you out.

just my 2 cents

When I read this the first time I was thinking that you are me from the future. Because I think I have the same concept when it comes to "best me possible" and once I foolishly thought that for me to chase after my dreams I'd have to be the best possible version of myself to really give 100%. Of course that's not the case.

I don't want my life to be empty and meaningless and I don't want it to pass by. I want to make it a good story.

Hey opie..I dont have a direct solution to your dilemma, I wish I did But I do wanna share a story with you, in hopes that you take something away from it. I figured its worth a shot.

I had the cool opportunity to go to southeast asia about 10 yrs ago. My gf and I of 2yrs had just broken up and I was devastated as she was my high-school sweetheart. As you may have already figured, I did not enjoy the trip one bit. Instead of just focusing on the moment, on what's right in front of me, I instead chose to wallow in self-pity and dwell on the break up I was in one of the largest mall in asia and my mind was on my ex... I was in front of magnificent rice terraces and I was thinking of how angry I was at her.. For christs sakes I was in front of hundreds of incredible small islands and all i could think of was how sad my life was without her..

Looking back now, I regret not enjoying the short opportunity I had in SE asia..All these amazing things, nature, events and world wonders surrounded me but I chose to ignore the present moment and instead focus on the break up (as if dwelling on it will bring her back). Sometimes we look back at the past and it depresses us.. but I realized that the past was once a present moment we chose to not enjoy because we were too caught up dwelling on the past, (as well as getting anxious on the future). The present moment really is the only moment available to us, like this moment, and this, ..and this.. I now have learned to just enjoy the present moment, the "here & now," whenever I can. This might sound stupid but learn how to be happy for no reason at all, because if you have to have a reason, remember that that reason can be taken away from you. I have learned to just surrender to the joy in the moment, because "in the moment" really everything is all good.. We CAN choose to be happy NOW. It takes practice, but you lift so I assume you have the resiliency and tenaciousness to try this way of thinking. Life's waaaaay too short so pls try your best to be happy NOW opie, change the way you see things and these things will change..

Doing the things you love and passionate about do bring happiness. But in my humblest opinion, TRUE passion shouldn't be something you use to arrive somewhere/to get a desired result..Its the journey, not the destination as you may have heard millions of times. It's something that you do for the simple fact that it just gives you peace and it forces you to be "in the moment," --you dont really care about the end result, you do it cuz you just love the act of doing it..passion is something you just get lost in..I mean time just stops and you are in your own bubble of joy, it consumes you, you bathe in it, whenever you're doing it, you are at peace and already complete...and nothing else matters.

My GF of 1.5yr broke up with me on this years valentines weekend. It kinda punched a hole through my soul and I was left devastated. Still I gritted my teeth and continued my life as it was. I'm now realizing it was a mistake. I acted like nothing had happened even though I cried myself to sleep most nights. The only time I didn't think about her was when I doing some kind of activity.

But I guess the break up was a good thing because it opened my eyes. I don't hate my ex for the decision she made. She was really strong and brave to say how she felt. I achieved the same braveness when I looked at my life and realized I wasn't happy with my life going the way it did/does. That's why I'm trying to change it. Constantly looking forward and taking small steps. Though sometimes I find myself questioning "can I do this?" "is it ok for me to do this?".

But you were spot on with what I believe to be my greatest challenge. "The moment". I find it hard to cherish and enjoy about the lifes little things when my mind is thinking about the bigger elements like love and dreams. I also find it hard to zone out of those thoughts and either not to think at all or let my mind wonder to something else.

[Ralikar]

How can you not know why your life blows? Are you bored, pissed at your job, don't have a job, lonely,etc? You need to be self-aware and figure out your problem. You're looking for life happiness in the gym...

[IronMaskDuval]

I don't know why it hasn't been mentioned. Maybe the t-levels are too high to bring up the topic. Sometimes, your system can be missing a key ingredient to make your wheels turns, dopamine. There's hardly anything you can do about it, and most of the time, it's not something that you'll think of. There's nothing wrong with going to see your physician to get it going again. That's right-- an antidepressant. Some people will tell you to man up, but the bottom line is that they've never experienced it. I'm a graduate from a tier 1 university and am a partner in several tech companies. I have a great job. I make great money. I have a wonderful family and all the toys in the world. I'm fit. I lift 5/7, and I can always get up to do a 5k anytime. Up until a little over a month ago, my sex drive was not present and despite doing everything that I was, I enjoyed none of it. I pushed myself through my training everyday, but that too was a chore. I didn't appreciate the word gains. I finally manned up and went to my GP and she told me that I wasn't depress but that I just simply wasn't producing enough dopamine. She prescribed wellbutrin and now, I've gotten my life back.

[golvmopp]

You curl for the brodown on sherdog, you drunk fin. CON LOS TERRORISTAS