Found out dad is cheating on my mom. (srs)

[Ases]

Went to my parents house today, they asked me if I wanted to have lunch with them. Both of them seemed really happy, like nothing happened.
My mom starts 12:00 with work so I was there with my dad alone, talking and stuff.
When I left I confronted him:

Me: "I accidently saw something on your ******** that I didn't like"
Him: "what?".
Me: "You know what...you seeing that other woman".
Him:" You shouldn't be browsing my ********, you know that"
Me: I accidently saw it pop up."
Him:"I deleted all that" (he did, I saw it this morning) "... that's something that got a bit out of hand, you don't have to be worried about it"
Me: "I hope so because you are risking ALOT by doing this, if mom ever finds out it will be a disaster".
Him: "Don't worry about it"
Me: "Ok, well I hope you're gonna finish the relationship with this woman, if you continue it will not end well for nobody"
Him: "Ok, you don't have to worry about it"
Me: "It's not like I'm controlling you or anything but I know that when you told me you were gonna be busy today, you planned on meeting her. Just now that you're risking alot by doing this"
Me: "Ok, well I'm going home now, bye bye"
Him: "Bye bye boy"

He was pretty calm, maybe a bit suprised that I knew... it did feel as if it wasn't the first time he got caught.
Just hope he is gonna do the right thing now.
I'm not gonna follow this situation up anymore, he's warned and if he does choose to continue with this, he'll get caught sooner or later and then everything that follows will be inevitable.

[jackleballs]

I'm going to take a wild guess that you're one of those kids that got time outs instead of spankings.

[mydawgs]

I'm going to take a wild guess that you're one of those kids that got time outs instead of spankings.

I'm going to guess his parents raised a man of integrity....hard feat these days. Hard for this father as he is now the the recipient of the very lesson he taught his son as a child, "choose wisely, your actions have consequences".

[Ases]

I'm going to take a wild guess that you're one of those kids that got time outs instead of spankings.

Lol nope, the latter.

He just called me back, we talked about half an hour about it.
He needed some time to think it through and felt he didn't really have time to respond when i told him.

He told me that this woman was a good friend from before and that nothing happened between them.
He did confess to me that in '83 something happened between them but that's in the past.
He's just meeting with her from time to time so she has someone to talk about because she has nobody else.
He loves my mom alot and told me he would never be able to leave my mom especially considering she 'lost' alot of good years taking care of us while he was doing long trips (6mnths) on ships.

So he tried to neutralize the situation a bit, told me I didn't have to worry so I accepted it and told him I wouldn't tell anyone.
If he does continue I told him somebody will find out and he won't be able to talk his way out of it like he could with me.
I don't believe everything he told me but I'll let it go, I did my part to 'warn' him about what he 's doing.

My mom is one of those people who's very controlling and never trusts my dad when he goes out with guys from work and all so if he told her he met up with an old girlfriend, she'd never understand that.

[jackleballs]

If your father was away working on ships for 6 months at a time...I have some bad news for you bro.

Source: 10 years working on ships

[Mr Beer]

LOL, it sounds like pops worked you pretty good. Gotta hand it to us old phuckers, we can construct a story you can't prove is BS.

[Ases]

If your father was away working on ships for 6 months at a time...I have some bad news for you bro.

Source: 10 years working on ships

I know, as i mentioned earlier, i'm not naieve, I know some women may have passed the revue but it's just that I don't want my mom finding out.
I don't like the thought of it but it is what it is, not abnormal either.

LOL, it sounds like pops worked you pretty good. Gotta hand it to us old phuckers, we can construct a story you can't prove is BS.

Yeah, when he told me had no time to think about it, I knew he was gonna try to neutralize and minimize everything.
Doesn't matter to me anymore, I do feel a bit more relieved now that he knows but what happens now is entirely up to him.
He told me he will let this communication die over the next couple of weeks so it's up to him to do what he wants.

[RandomMisc]

If your mom is jelly/controlling, I'd bet she already knows of past infidelities and just won't leave him.

"Just something that got a little out of hand" sounds like a line he has probably used before.

[FunSize1990]

Honestly, you let him get away with it. There is no consequences for his actions.

I'm actually disgusted that you can let him get away with potentially hurting your mother this badly with the pathetic threat that "someone will find out eventually" and then what? they'll do exactly the same thing your doing.

When I think of the sh!t my mother went through or put up with my empathy for your situation and the tough place you are in goes completely out of the window.

I don't think you are acting like a man at all and if i was you i'd be ashamed and embarrassed.

[TheJizzler]

'You shouldn't be browsing my ********'

'I deleted that.'

'You don't have to worry about it'

'Ok - You don't have to worry about it'

'I'm going home now. Bye bye boy.'



^I'd have punched my Dad square in the mouth if he used that tone (srs). And I love that old phucker...



First two quotes are guilty as phuck, the rest show that he doesn't respect you (no hate)


edit: last quote is misattributed - ignore it

[Ases]

Honestly, you let him get away with it. There is no consequences for his actions.

I'm actually disgusted that you can let him get away with potentially hurting your mother this badly with the pathetic threat that "someone will find out eventually" and then what? they'll do exactly the same thing your doing.

When I think of the sh!t my mother went through or put up with my empathy for your situation and the tough place you are in goes completely out of the window.

I don't think you are acting like a man at all and if i was you i'd be ashamed and embarrassed.

Because I didnt beat him up? We all know theres alot more going on that I cant all describe here ( context). It was never about me saving my parents their marriage, which is actually pretty good. I just wanted my dad to clean his **** up and not let my mom get hurt. So far I succeeded in getting this msg through, to be honest, I only care about how he undoes what hes done so far.

You have to consider every scenario that can follow before you do something. I chose the safest one with least drama/violence, if he does persist in what he is doing, it'll be over & out and he knows it.

[Ases]

'You shouldn't be browsing my ********'

'I deleted that.'

'You don't have to worry about it'

'Ok - You don't have to worry about it'

'I'm going home now. Bye bye boy.'



^I'd have punched my Dad square in the mouth if he used that tone (srs). And I love that old phucker...



First two quotes are guilty as phuck, the rest show that he doesn't respect you (no hate)


edit: last quote is misattributed - ignore it

You dont know the tone he used brah, its.clear he was surprised and didnt know what else to say then. Im not gonna punch the person who raised me and worked his ass of to provide for me and my sis. If anything, he'll say go **** yourself and the bomb will explode.

[JVRICHARDS]

There are a lot of emotionally inexperienced people giving horrid advice in this thread.

OP, each and every relationship is unique. Without having a full understanding of everything that has gone on behind the scenes for the last 3 decades or so, you are woefully unprepared to try to resolve or involve yourself in your parents marriage. It's very possible your dad is in fact extremely lonely, and does take comfort in having a female friend to speak with who respects him, and treats him as though he matters.

Something I've seen, is that situations like this don't usually arise just because a man (or woman) wants to get his **** on. From my experiences, a spouse who's valued and treated with love and respect has few reasons to complicate his life in the manner your old man has.

I'm not justifying anything. But life is rarely black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. Approach this situation with a sense of understanding.

[aintevenmad]

Honestly, you let him get away with it. There is no consequences for his actions.

I'm actually disgusted that you can let him get away with potentially hurting your mother this badly with the pathetic threat that "someone will find out eventually" and then what? they'll do exactly the same thing your doing.

When I think of the sh!t my mother went through or put up with my empathy for your situation and the tough place you are in goes completely out of the window.

I don't think you are acting like a man at all and if i was you i'd be ashamed and embarrassed.

Agreed. No one is saying beat your dad up, but you didn't even threaten to tell your mum. Your dad is behaving inappropriately and like I guessed earlier has manipulated you into believing his crap ...he didn't talkto you when you confronted him because he needed time to make up a story.

Youre hoping for what, the chance he actually phucks her in your mum's bed and she walks in? He's going to cover his tracks much better now.

I hope your mum doesn't catch any stds.

[Ases]

Lol nope, the latter.

He just called me back, we talked about half an hour about it.
He needed some time to think it through and felt he didn't really have time to respond when i told him.

He told me that this woman was a good friend from before and that nothing happened between them.
He did confess to me that in '83 something happened between them but that's in the past.
He's just meeting with her from time to time so she has someone to talk about because she has nobody else.
He loves my mom alot and told me he would never be able to leave my mom especially considering she 'lost' alot of good years taking care of us while he was doing long trips (6mnths) on ships.

So he tried to neutralize the situation a bit, told me I didn't have to worry so I accepted it and told him I wouldn't tell anyone.
If he does continue I told him somebody will find out and he won't be able to talk his way out of it like he could with me.
I don't believe everything he told me but I'll let it go, I did my part to 'warn' him about what he 's doing.

My mom is one of those people who's very controlling and never trusts my dad when he goes out with guys from work and all so if he told her he met up with an old girlfriend, she'd never understand that.

Agreed. No one is saying beat your dad up, but you didn't even threaten to tell your mum. Your dad is behaving inappropriately and like I guessed earlier has manipulated you into believing his crap ...he didn't talkto you when you confronted him because he needed time to make up a story.

Youre hoping for what, the chance he actually phucks her in your mum's bed and she walks in? He's going to cover his tracks much better now.

I hope your mum doesn't catch any stds.

He didn't manipulate me nor do I believe everything he said, read the bold part above.
I mentioned a few times that telling my mom is not an option. This isn't a case where my mom is being (emotionally) neglected or anything so I don't want a divorce on my head just because I want to threaten my dad.
I'm gonna give him a chance to clear this thing up and break ties with this woman, that's all I wanted from the beginning.

There are a lot of emotionally inexperienced people giving horrid advice in this thread.

OP, each and every relationship is unique. Without having a full understanding of everything that has gone on behind the scenes for the last 3 decades or so, you are woefully unprepared to try to resolve or involve yourself in your parents marriage. It's very possible your dad is in fact extremely lonely, and does take comfort in having a female friend to speak with who respects him, and treats him as though he matters.

Something I've seen, is that situations like this don't usually arise just because a man (or woman) wants to get his **** on. From my experiences, a spouse who's valued and treated with love and respect has few reasons to complicate his life in the manner your old man has.

I'm not justifying anything. But life is rarely black and white, right and wrong, good and bad. Approach this situation with a sense of understanding.

Involving in their marriage is a different thing, IMO I tried to save our family from being broken up. Any issues they might have in their marriage is up to them to resolve.
There are some things between my dad and mom which did cause this, like you said " take comfort in having a female friend to speak with who respects him, and treats him as though he matters." My dad confirmed this but it something I knew for a while. My mom is always about work and not very social, so I do understand that my dad misses certain things in his life that my mom doesn't offer. She doesn't really approve of him having any contact with other women either.
While my dad like doing things out of the house, my mom is more of home-person, not very outgoing.
Don't take this the wrong way as in they're two opposites because that isn't the case.

There is a lot of context in a situation like this, more than I can possibly type here.
Anyways thanks for you guys who gave me some good advice.

[aintevenmad]

What would be so bad about a divorce in this case op ? Seems like all your siblings are adults already?

If your dad is unhappy then he should be addressing the problems with your mum not scraping some lady's sugar walls.

Your dad isn't going to cut off this woman because there's no consequences to his actions since you're not going to tell your mum and he knows this. So all you've done now by telling him you know is opening yourself up for blame, if your mum finds out and says to your dad "who else knows?" your name will be mentioned and you may lose your mum.

If you found out your mum was cheating on your dad you'd tell him for sure. But hey, your soul is at stake here, not mine.

[AirplaneCoffee]

Ok, I'm older - probably as old as your dad. So let me try and give you some perspective:

Fact is, you have absolutely no idea what the relatioship is like between your mom and dad. Maybe it's fine and he's just being a player. But more likey he isn't getting much attention in the bedroom nor getting an emotional bond from your mom. Trust me when I tell you that this is devastating to a man and it's very hard to get the wife to turn herself around. This other lady may be giving him what he desperately wants from your mom. The other mlady might be complimenting him, probably thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread, and is willing to bend over backwards to show him. These things happen every signle minute of every day.

Your dad might be a classy guy and for that reason, he doesn't want to share any of the above details with you. She's your mother, after all. Besides, he probably wants you to enjoy your time as a young man without having to shoulder hsi problems with mom. It's my guess that this is why he's not giving you details. I wouldn't either.

He may be staying home because of you. Not to do you favor, nor out of "duty". He probably loves you and wants to come home to you every day. He knows damn well that in the case of divorce, sees you less and again - he has to contend with the fact that he's making your life hard.

So my advice - let him know you don't judge him and that no matter how things turn out, you'll love him anyway.

[AK911PSU]

Yo OP

My dad got caught cheating on my mom too. We only caught him with one woman but I'm pretty sure there were more before her. Anyway, they're still together but it's obvious the marriage is done. My mom's ultra old-school paki so she thinks a divorce would look bad in the family even though I encourage her to go through with one. Pretty much my dad is on lockdown and my mom is on his ass about everything. She started to even go to work with him, and the days she doesn't she calls him to make sure where he is. She even put a tracker on his phone. Point is though, one day he won't be able to take it anymore, and their marriage will most likely end that day.

Btw, get proof and tell your mom. It's better she knows and they talk it out. I knew my dad was cheating before my mom found out, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause problems in the family. It was a mistake. He just got closer to the other woman. Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if your wife was cheating on you and your son knew the whole time? You'd be pissed. Also, I read through your posts, it's obvious your dad is lying to you bro. Tell your mom, or she's just going to get hurt even more down the road.

Hopefully your dad can make amends and everything works out for you man.

[SaliorUSN]

your dad is a POS and your mom needs to know. Would you rather your mom find out after getting an STD or court papers for child support. Protect your mom and your family since your POS father failed.

If your father was away working on ships for 6 months at a time...I have some bad news for you bro.

Source: 10 years working on ships

lol he might have some bros/sis somewhere out there in the world... *smh

[Idealius]

strong controversy in this thread.

sounds like op did what he wanted and it was reasonable.

[aintevenmad]

Yo OP

My dad got caught cheating on my mom too. We only caught him with one woman but I'm pretty sure there were more before her. Anyway, they're still together but it's obvious the marriage is done. My mom's ultra old-school paki so she thinks a divorce would look bad in the family even though I encourage her to go through with one. Pretty much my dad is on lockdown and my mom is on his ass about everything. She started to even go to work with him, and the days she doesn't she calls him to make sure where he is. She even put a tracker on his phone. Point is though, one day he won't be able to take it anymore, and their marriage will most likely end that day.

Btw, get proof and tell your mom. It's better she knows and they talk it out. I knew my dad was cheating before my mom found out, but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to cause problems in the family. It was a mistake. He just got closer to the other woman. Put yourself in her shoes, how would you feel if your wife was cheating on you and your son knew the whole time? You'd be pissed. Also, I read through your posts, it's obvious your dad is lying to you bro. Tell your mom, or she's just going to get hurt even more down the road.

Hopefully your dad can make amends and everything works out for you man.

As someone from a similar cultural background to your mum, she probably knows the marriage is over- but she can't ask for the divorce, she'll look bad- it's not as bad if your dad asks for the divorce. Right now she's just punishing him/making his life hell as revenge. (which he deserves).

Can't believe the tards ITT saying OP shouldn't judge his dad. If his mum has cheated before, THEN WHO CARES IF SHE FINDS OUT? If the marriage sucks already, THEN WHO CARES IF SHE FINDS OUT? There is nothing to lose in that sense.

no logic itt.

[J_A24]

Just keep one thing in mind OP: You are not responsible of whatever happens in your parents' marriage.

As someone from a similar cultural background to your mum, she probably knows the marriage is over- but she can't ask for the divorce, she'll look bad- it's not as bad if your dad asks for the divorce. Right now she's just punishing him/making his life hell as revenge. (which he deserves).

Can't believe the tards ITT saying OP shouldn't judge his dad. If his mum has cheated before, THEN WHO CARES IF SHE FINDS OUT? If the marriage sucks already, THEN WHO CARES IF SHE FINDS OUT? There is nothing to lose in that sense.

no logic itt.

You're an idiot.

[SwtNSxy]

Hey Ases
I am so sorry that you are in this situation. Try not to judge your Dad too harshly. We dont always understand the choices our parents make but remember what kind of Dad he has been to you. It sounds like you have a great head on your shoulders. If u ever need to talk, Please message me. I would b happy to listen and maybe offer advice. . It's got to b tough being in your position. I hope u have someone close to u that u can confide in.

[bluejay83]

inb4 your mom reads you misc account OP

[Details8]

you should really mind your own fuking business boy

[aintevenmad]

Just keep one thing in mind OP: You are not responsible of whatever happens in your parents' marriage.



You're an idiot.

and you're an immoral clown.

[poolshark472]

I can't understand why there are 30/40 year old people in here telling OP to "mind his own business".

He's not a fuking 6 year old that needs to have the real world shielded from him because he's not old enough to understand things. He's a grownup adult in the middle of a tough situation and he's trying to do right by his family. You *******s telling him to keep mum on this are hypocrites; you know that nobody deserves to be kept in the dark to their spouses infidelities. "Keep out you don't know their marriage." Gtfo

[andy4029]

tell your dad he has to tell your mom or else youll tell her, that way he will tell her and youre not directly involved

[Violator009]

nobody here really gives a fuk what he does, he can tell his mother, or keep it to himself, doesnt matter, like i said either way divorce is inevitable...

[J_A24]

It's stupid to judge OP over something like this, whatever he does, he wont save/destroy a marriage, it's a matter of principle and sticking by it. That's what OP did and it's very respectable.

Some people ITT fail to rationalize deeper than "OMGZ YOU SHOULD TELL HER UR A TRAITOR IF U DON'T/OMGZ YOU SHOULDN'T TELL HER IT'S UR DAD"