Found out dad is cheating on my mom. (srs)

[Ases]

I'm posting this here because I feel this might be the most appropriate section for this.

So basically a month ago I found out by accident that my dad is seeing this other woman.
I was browsing his ipad a bit (always do this) when his ******** msg popped up.
What i saw was a chatlog in where he talks about meeting up with this woman and msg's ended with "see you soon, xxx,...).

Allthough this was a shock to me I decided not to take any action, hoping this would fade away or it might be a misunderstanding (wishfull thinking i guess).
This week I checked his ******** again, hoping that the talks would've ended but I found out that he actually took some afternoon's off to see this woman.
She also mentioned something like: "Will we ever be together again?" So i figure this might be an ex-gf or ex-collegue.
I'm thinking this relationship is escalating too fast and is endangering the relationship he has with my mother.
It's only a matter of time before someone finds out

I'm 100% sure my sis and mom don't know about this, however, I'm don't think I should tell either of them.
My mom would DIE if I would tell her and 100% guaranteed something bad will happen if she knows.
I've been thinking about telling my sister but then again, If I come to confronting my dad, I might be more succesful if he knows that I'm the only one who knows and it might be easier for him to handle this.

My plan was to let my dad know, very discrete, that I know about his affair and try to convince to end this thing.
I was planning on doing this by ******** as well. I don't need any answers and I don't want him to lie in my face neither.
I don't need to ask him the "why" and "how long" because I honestly don't care about that, I can imagine why he did it (mid-life, etc..) but I only want to be sure that he will try to end this thing before it destroys our family.
Doing it this way will make him realize that I know and hopefully he will think about it.

My dad and I have a supergood relationship, no doubt confronting him will leave it's mark but I just hope that what I'm planning isn't going to backfire.

Hope someone here can give me some advice, haven't talked to anyone about this...

[MisterrrM]

I like your plan OP, just don't aware your mom, that will only make things worse.

[jimbong]

That is heavy **** OP.

I would talk to him face to face, screw that ******** nonsense.

[Ases]

That is heavy **** OP.

I would talk to him face to face, screw that ******** nonsense.

It feels heavy on the mind man, I kinda chose the ********-route because I want to limit the interaction (and emotions) that would come from face-to-face communication.
I know he will probaly laugh the situation away and try the minimize the relationship they have if I confront him in person.
Besides that it would be awkward as fck to tell him this and then leave... Doing it by FB will probaly shock him and make him seriously think about it.

[b0yer2]

You can try to talk to your dad one on one and see what happens. Just say that you know and you would like it to stop.

[jimbong]

It feels heavy on the mind man, I kinda chose the ********-route because I want to limit the interaction (and emotions) that would come from face-to-face communication.
I know he will probaly laugh the situation away and try the minimize the relationship they have if I confront him in person.
Besides that it would be awkward as fck to tell him this and then leave... Doing it by FB will probably shock him and make him seriously think about it.

I would think it would be easier to brush aside on ********, plus then you guys are either going to have to talk about it, or have extremely akward I know that you know moments for a long time.

I would want to do it face to face so that he knows you are serious and this isn't something to be brushed aside and he needs to cut that **** out immediately.

[bitty_bish]

I want to limit the interaction (and emotions) that would come from face-to-face communication.

Why in the hell would you want to do that? The emotion is what would fuel your fire. If I were your dad, seeing you get emotional about it would be a ton harder on me face to face than just getting a message on ********. A message would give him time to come up with an "excuse". If he gets panicky, he'll try to turn it around on you. He is the one that messed up, not you. He needs to be an adult in this situation and lie down on the bed he made.

[RandomMisc]

Face to face, bro.

[sphinxbrah]

Confront him face-to-face, OP.

Do not tell your mother or sister. Or anyone else for that matter. At least as this is still in its preliminary stages, the less people that know the better. Only you should be in the know. But if you absolutely have to confide in somebody.... definitely don't make it your mom/sister/any other female.

Hopefully this turns out as best as it can.

At some point I think you should tell your mother - unless she is a sloot, she realistically deserves to know - but just not right now.

Good luck!

[XJAWX]

Talk to your dad about it, while you two are alone. The only way to stop it is face to face, the emotion will be worse if you bring it up on ********

[MissMoonlight]

This sounds like that episode of Drake and Josh, srs.

Anyways, great for you, OP. Your mother shouldn't have to get hurt because of his bad decision.

[walty87]

This sounds like that episode of Drake and Josh, srs.

Anyways, great for you, OP. Your mother shouldn't have to get hurt because of his bad decision.

so you're saying what the woman doesnt know doesnt hurt her?

brb cheating on all girls I date, as long as they dont know it's ok riiight?

[TeddyRoosevelt]

Totally not your business as his son. You're not his peer. Mind your own business OP.

[Cynic09]

Totally not your business as his son. You're not his peer. Mind your own business OP.

This. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. :/

[Dizzie38]

so you're saying what the woman doesnt know doesnt hurt her?

brb cheating on all girls I date, as long as they dont know it's ok riiight?

This is a different situation. They are a family. Cheating is always bad but sometimes you gotta think of the greater good. Face to face with dad and ask him to stop.

[poolshark472]

Totally not your business as his son. You're not his peer. Mind your own business OP.

That is utter bullsh!t. It's his mother and his family.

[PowerOfTruth]

The student has become the teacher. A very important day in anyone's life. Tuff situations call for tuff actions.

This should be handled in person, do not send this over fb. NOTHING is stronger than the parent/child bond, so exercise this bond to confront him. Most fathers would not want to be corrected by their sons, so tread carefully but with determination. This is your mother he's disrespecting and any son should be willing to lay down his life for his mother. Your dad has lost his way. It's not necessarily your place to get him back on track.... but a nudge is definitely in order.

[bigdogfarmhand]

Know what your going through. Happened to me In the 90s. I told my mom after worrying about it all summer and they got divorced that fall. He asked me not to say anything cause we were buds. I felt like I betrayed him and I did a little i guess

I would do it again. Wrong is wrong.

I comfort problems head on

[tetraktys13]

Get proof and black mail him 100% srs

And say "Who's your daddy now"

Don't confront him like an angry stepchild. Why not use this situation to your advantage? Make him pay you $$$ or buy you something for your silence.

Then tell your mom about it anyway and show her the proof he tried to buy you off because fukc him.

Everyone profits (except him lol) your mom should not be put at risk for stds because he wants to be a pimp.

[rflores90]

Why in the hell would you want to do that? The emotion is what would fuel your fire. If I were your dad, seeing you get emotional about it would be a ton harder on me face to face than just getting a message on ********. A message would give him time to come up with an "excuse". If he gets panicky, he'll try to turn it around on you. He is the one that messed up, not you. He needs to be an adult in this situation and lie down on the bed he made.

this... face to face let him see your emotions so he could realize how his selfish actions are affecting his family.

[Mr Beer]

If you can't look him in the face when you talk to him, don't confront him at all. Man up or leave it as his business.

[aintevenmad]

Would your father try to manipulate you if you spoke IRL, op?

[BuildKing]

But can you really trust your dad to end it? He could very well tell you he will but then find another secret way to do it.

[akazid]

face - to - face. This is a face - to - face conversation. This is not a ******** msg type of conversation.

The only think I'd do is make sure you and him are privately along and noone is around. Make sure he's aware you gave him that courtesy but you only give it to him 3 times with regards to this and this is already time 1.

[iBROmar]

There really is not "way" out of this. Whatever decision you make will have some positive consequences but also some negative ones as well. Your basic options are:

1) to tell your mother

+, she will be happy that you were honest with her, you won't have to deal with the guilt of not telling her
-, you may break up your family, dad will be pissed at you

2) keep it a secret

+, nothing will change, your family will stay together (most probably), life goes on
-, guilt and if your mom finds out she will be mad at you for keeping this from her

These are obviously just your basic options, you can also go about this differently by: persuading your dad not to carry on with seeing this woman, etc.

So there are clearly some positives and negatives of each situation so its all about your moral stance from this point. Whatever decision you make, make sure you stand by it sternly; no regrets. Good luck.

[Violator009]

been there, nothin you can do, divorce is inevitable

[HanesTshirtBrah]

Bro code. Don't tell anyone (srs)

[Sullivan0930]

Check you're moms fb too. You never know, this could be some freaky role playing chit they do.

[Jaccogo]

well if I were you I would figure out this girls name and then confront him with something like "hey how is [name] doing?" when it's only us around.

You don't tell him you figured it out through checking his ******** because he'll be able to hdie it from you, say that you happened to be around where he last met her or something.

I would do more research so that I could lie a bit so that I could DOUBLE CHECK after I've confronted him that he has stopped. For instance I'd find their meeting spots and his fb password.

[Paneetius]

Go for a walk, just to the two of you.
Sit him down on a bench and
Tell him you know everything and that it's not right, He should stop, etc. etc.
convince him it's sort of okay if he stops now and that it will be a secret between you two, no blackmail.
yep.