Getting over my girlfriend's sexual past

[LagoonNebula]

I said it applied to me too. I have cheated before in relationships and have some issues I'm dealing with. However I'm honest about everything with girls I date and am making active efforts to better myself. If they have a problem with it I understand. Most others just hide it and don't work on anything and are the same terrible people underneath and stay that way. The last thing I want to do is risk dating them.

I commend you for working hard on yourself and becoming a better man. You shouldn't accept anything less than what you are willing to give.

[Alwaysbrah7]

Agree with FitnessBlue and posts that are similar to what he is saying ITT. My gf of 8 months was a virgin before me, I had been with 10+ girls before it. Double standards exist. That's life.

[FitnessBlue]

Broski,

Been a while since I have seen you around. Your are typically one of the guys giving advice, not asking. I read through your post and deff have some points to make in an effort to assist keeping your logic train on it's tracks.
Just about to clock in for my 16 hour shift. This should serve me well in burning some time

Don't ignore your gut instinct broseph. See you in a bit.

[Maatkarah]

Agree with FitnessBlue and posts that are similar to what he is saying ITT. My gf of 8 months was a virgin before me, I had been with 10+ girls before it. Double standards exist. That's life.

Personally I would not be in a relationship with a guy who has double standards; as soon as it became clear, the relationship would be over or on the wind-down.

I feel that someone with double standards like this is essentially a hypocrite and doesn't consider you equal to them; and I couldn't have a relationship with a hypocrite who doesn't see me as their equal.

Some females may put up with it (also aware that some are never going to be honest about their real number) .... that's entirely up to them, 'to each their own'.

(Should add that I'd consider high numbers a red flag in both in both males & females for relationship/marriage material).

[FitnessBlue]

Need a professional opinion (FitnessBlue or equivalent preferred ) , will rep:

Current girl I'm seeing is 26 and I'm #8/9 I believe (she didn't give a specific #, just a range, but this was back when we were just friends talking about our sexual history and we weren't interested in each other so I'm not sure if she'd have a reason to lie). According to her she has never done a ONS or had a FWB or anything and all were guys she was dating. Before me she was in a 5 year relationship, so that means ~7 guys between 16-21'ish years old. One of the guys she dated was a cuck and wanted her to bang another dude but she said no because she was disgusted by the idea of just hooking up with someone so they split. She also privately experimented with a girl in her teens on/off for a year or two. I don't care if she's been with a girl since that opens up a future 3-some discussion. I'm not sure what to think of this since my past 2 GF's were virgins, but then again I've had girls with ~5 partners of which 3-4 were FWB/ONS, so I'm not sure how this ranks on the sloot scale. For the regular folk they'd say this is about "average" I guess, hmm. She may just be a serial monogamist. Note, I didn't ask her any of this, we either talked about it before we got together (I never thought we'd date), or she volunteered it in conversation.

Okay

First off
-You know guys and girls can't be "just friends", I know you know this. So if you were legit non interested in her, it's safe to assume she perhaps had feelings and downplayed her history because she was interested (her reason to lie)
-"experimenting with girls"...meh whatever, not a HUGE deal to me but surely activates my radar *I prefer no history like that myself* (whether she was in a 3-some or in a relationship with someone else is something I would dig for)
-"last gf's were virgins", even I understand that at my age...virgins are non existent, but PLENTY of women who are very close and own desirable traits like self respect etc. ("virgins" are a lucky bonus but not mandatory)
-"serial monogamist" is also a red flag broseph.

She also says she never really enjoyed sex and doesn't have much of it, which I found strange, but then it made sense. Her vagina is very "low" and tight, so even my dick (5.5" x 5.5") is "too big" and "hurts her", which I thought she was originally saying just to try and boost my ego, but she has actually had to stop a couple times and I tore her up and made her bleed once. After rough sex she needs painkillers and prescription relaxants over the next 2 days to be able to walk because of vaginal soreness. This supports the inference that she can't have sex "for fun", so likely didn't "date" with sloot intentions. She does enjoy giving head though so I'm wary about a Clerks situation (the movie where the guy's GF said she was with 3 guys, but sucked 37 dicks), but my instincts doubt it.

If "wary", you need to settle it and inquire. Your "instincts" could be your own infatuation blinding you from looking further into it. Again you of all people already know this. I think you are falling head over heels here, and forgetting about listening to your gut, logic, protecting yourself. *a common mistake for men*

Surprisingly though she has never done anything kinky in bed or anal or anything, so I'm having to teach her a lot of things sexually. She has VERY kinky fantasies and lets me do ANYTHING I want to her (period sex followed by BJ, pissing in/on her, violent rape fantasy, etc.), which is fun for me, but strange that she's repressed that for so long before meeting me (you'd think someone would share these things with their LTR BF, which makes me think she's good at hiding things, so could she be hiding other things?) I noticed some of the books she reads or movies she watches (like the obvious 50 shades) have themes of kink, submission, rape, which is where I'm assuming she gets the ideas from and just wants to try it (I'm known to be into that lifestyle so she knew this about me before we started going out).

-"makes me think she's good at hiding things", this is your gut telling you something.
-a girl with a repressed sexuality or past does NOT openly discuss sex with "guy friends"/10
-she's a fan of 50 shades. Is it possible that she is "playing the role" as the nice sweet innocent girl to play out her own fantasy? Meanwhile manipulating the fuk outta you as a side effect...

However before we dated we were just friends and I remember her joking with others about having a "slut phase" and all that and how girls always talk to their friends about how the sex is with whoever they are dating or seeing at the time. But she never really revealed any details so I'm not sure how exactly she defines these things, since what I consider to be "slutty" seems to be quite different from her definition. She's never even sent anyone a nude pic before me which is weird in this day and age, because she thinks that's "slutty". She comes off as a bit conservative and doesn't even dress slutty or show any of the obvious indicators.

-possible you were involved with or in ear shot of these convos and she "liked" you even back then, therefore doing her best to keep her mouth shut in order to come off as a "good girl"?
-On a side note, I have yet to meet a woman who even entertains reading 50 shades to have a "limited sexual history". It's a book created to entertain the typical westernized female.

So I'm torn. The # seems a bit on the higher side compared to what I'm used to, but none were hookups. She's a bit "clingy" which I like and treats me good (for now anyways, still honeymoon phase, she argues and uses sloot logic but eventually shuts up and does what I say). She's white, and incredibly beautiful, so I know she'd be on the slootier side compared to minority women I'm used to. Just wondering how much is too much, objectively.

Dude...she uses "sloot logic"...I think you already know she isn't worth the commitment. Again you are simply infatuated at best. Once your little honeymoon faze start to fade, your good old self, the logical Broski will do what it does best.
I wish you the best of luck brah, enjoy having fun. Just remember what's what mmmkay?


***finally, I want to add that the Broski that I know...would NOT find himself in such a bind over some white western sloot logic female***

[FitnessBlue]

Personally I would not be in a relationship with a guy who has double standards; as soon as it became clear, the relationship would be over or on the wind-down.

I feel that someone with double standards like this is essentially a hypocrite and doesn't consider you equal to them; and I couldn't have a relationship with a hypocrite who doesn't see me as their equal.

Some females may put up with it (also aware that some are never going to be honest about their real number) .... that's entirely up to them, 'to each their own'.

(Should add that I'd consider high numbers a red flag in both in both males & females for relationship/marriage material).

This is some of the same old silliness that belongs in female misc.
This "hypocritical" stance is only based on false logic that men and women are the same and equal in all regards. Even the most retarded westernized female can see that double standards exist and go way beyond past sex partners. The typical majority of "double standards" are greatly weighed in favor of women. Past sex partners is simply a biological and age old textbook method of determining a womans value for commitment (it's why girls under estimate and guys over estimate *real tea*). "double standards" regarding the ability to lay down and get fukked are greatly in favor of females too.

So...

Fem/whiteknight misc ------>

[Maatkarah]

This is some of the same old silliness that belongs in female misc.
This "hypocritical" stance is only based on false logic that men and women are the same and equal in all regards. Even the most retarded westernized female can see that double standards exist and go way beyond past sex partners. The typical majority of "double standards" are greatly weighed in favor of women. Past sex partners is simply a biological and age old textbook method of determining a womans value for commitment (it's why girls under estimate and guy over estimate *real tea*). "double standards" in the ability to lay down and get fukked are greatly in favor of females too.

So...

Fem/whiteknight misc ------>

Response I expected.

Didn't say double standards don't exist - of course they do (and I understand some of the reasons behind them) - but you have a choice as to whether you accept them in your relationships or not; I happen not to and it's worked out for me so far ... but everyone's different.

Also, for the sake of argument; past sexual partners & behaviour is also a benchmark for determining a man's suitability for commitment - women don't want their partner's resources going to support other women & children any more than men want their resources supporting children who aren't theirs.


All we can do is decide on our 'standards' and try to make a relationship work with someone around that.

[deadliftbrah19]

I said it applied to me too. I have cheated before in relationships and have some issues I'm dealing with. However I'm honest about everything with girls I date and am making active efforts to better myself. If they have a problem with it I understand. Most others just hide it and don't work on anything and are the same terrible people underneath and stay that way. The last thing I want to do is risk dating them.

Yes but I know women who had horrible abusive childhoods, slooty/partying pasts and realized that their behavior was going to make them dead/miserable by the age of 30 so they joined a church or some sort of religious group/AA, something to make up for the lack of stability they had in childhood.

We didn't ask to have abusive background and be sexually abused as children. I have compassion for these people because no child should have to go through this.

I myself am going through a religious transformation. I REALLY disliked evangelical churches, and went to a mellow church that was open to gays/lesbians but still got obsessed with younger men, used sex to try to get relationships, and I'm not proud of my sexual past to say the least, like you.

So I swallowed my pride, I really dislike that this church is against gays and lesbian and believes that women shouldn't be in positions of power in the church over men, as the Episcopalian church allows women to be ministers, but I need something to kick me in the ass before I become STD-ridden/pregnant/living on the streets because I'm a slave to my high sex drive and love for hot muscular young men.

Good for you for making efforts to better yourself. What type of efforts are you doing? I'm just curious as I'm doing the same.

[FitnessBlue]

Response I expected.

Didn't say double standards don't exist - of course they do (and I understand some of the reasons behind them) - but you have a choice as to whether you accept them in your relationships or not; I happen not to and it's worked out for me so far ... but everyone's different.

Also, for the sake of argument; past sexual partners & behaviour is also a benchmark for determining a man's suitability for commitment - women don't want their partner's resources going to support other women & children any more than men want their resources supporting children who aren't theirs.


All we can do is decide on our 'standards' and try to make a relationship work with someone around that.

World spins because of diversity

[BurialGround]

lol, 7!?


I wish I could find a girl with just 7.

This. Every girl that's ever shown interest in me had 12+, including one teenager. I'd be freaking delighted.

[IronOynx]

Lol 7. A girl I used to mess with was 18 and had like 17 bodies..lil juicebox was good though. My girl now has less than 4. I'm wiring this one up. Be lucky she only has 7. Most women numbers are high.

[mlindros]

(Side note; this is why I posted a topic on this exact subject the other day)

But, really bro: life is about judging people. You judge people all the time whether or not you know. You might have a favorable judgment that turns out wrong, or a unfavorable one that turns out wrong as well. Or they can turn out right.

This is becoming more of a dumb-ed down aspect of American culture. The guys who have value and respect for themselves aren't going to be dating the girls who have no respect for themselves and sleep around outside of a relationship. Why does that mean she has no respect for herself? Because while she may also enjoy the sex, she's lowering her value as a female (ie. disrespecting her own future self value). Sex is just becoming something you "do" with someone when you get an urge to. There's no reason a man with options and value should commit to a girl who, has given up so freely. If others got the pussay without dealing with her BULLSHTT, dating her, and at the same time banging other broads, why should I lower myself to being the one who actually commits to her? Now you're probably thinking "what if she didn't want to commit to him hurrrdy durr durr?" Well brohiem, then this girl is really a sloot who shouldn't be taken seriously. Going back to my point earlier, there sex isn't just something you do. It's special because there is a ton of risks, but the risks with the most weight are on the female side. (pregnancy)

Now OP: the feelings may or may not go away. It's happened to me before, with a girl having 2 partners prior. One was a FWB with a guy who was 22 when she was 17 (who she lost it to) and another was a guy who was basically a ONS (she knew him for two nights). The first one didn't actually bother me that much because it was understandable that a 17 year old girl thinks they are the **** when they have sex with a 22 year old guy, and they still hung out and did stuff other than just have sex. (Hence FRIENDS with benefits). The second one made me extremely insecure for reasons I could never really identify for the longest time. However, I realized what made me insecure about ONS was that it was implying in the future that she was the type of girl who could meet someone and **** them the same night. The other reasons I was insecure was because I had (stupidly) built an ideal image of her as not being a sloot which turned out to be false. This revelation of her ONS shattered my image of her, and her character.


Now to put things in perspective, I've had never been insecure about a girls past - with every girl before or after her. Including one girl who had 24 previous partners. So IDK man, I feel for you. Listening to all these people post "the past is the past" won't help you overcome your jealously or insecurity. Been there, done that. It really takes some deep examination of self. Start writing down what makes you angry, how you feel, what you really think about her, what you really want to say to her. Don't show her. Keep doing this everyday until it goes away. I still have these "journals" from when it happened to me so I can look at them and "lol" because now I have a much different opinion on the matter. What I figured out from doing this was basically this:

A girl's past is just one aspect of her. Virgins can and will cheat on you. Instead of making the judgement based solely on her past, base it on the whole package. Is she flirty with other guys? Does she still talk to ex'es? Does she do shady things around you? Are you happy? How do you feel about the relationship? And most importantly, are you having fun?

Tl;dr - bolded.

Interestingly, I find myself in a similar boat right now. This has nothing to do with trust in my case. My woman is trustworthy. Maybe I'm on too much test hahaha. Mine is more of a I want to possess her and have her all to myself and she never had anybody else. Totally primal and selfish. We just hit two years and I wasn't feeling this way before. I guess I had a protective skin on me. My feelings strengthened and with that came these feelings. I'm not worried about cheating or trust. Instead, I fantasize about finding her before she was anybody else's and making her mine. I realize I'm being stupid. I can intellectually understand what is wrong with what I'm thinking/feeling. What I can't figure out is why I can't shake the feelings. I'm not insecure. If I am then it is in sprinkles and also related to just wanting her for myself. I feel like a lion that wants to kill all the lions before me.... not that there were many. But to me atm even one is too many and I want to destroy! Raaaaawwwwwwwrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[FitnessBlue]

Interestingly, I find myself in a similar boat right now. This has nothing to do with trust in my case. My woman is trustworthy. Maybe I'm on too much test hahaha. Mine is more of a I want to possess her and have her all to myself and she never had anybody else. Totally primal and selfish. We just hit two years and I wasn't feeling this way before. I guess I had a protective skin on me. My feelings strengthened and with that came these feelings. I'm not worried about cheating or trust. Instead, I fantasize about finding her before she was anybody else's and making her mine. I realize I'm being stupid. I can intellectually understand what is wrong with what I'm thinking/feeling. What I can't figure out is why I can't shake the feelings. I'm not insecure. If I am then it is in sprinkles and also related to just wanting her for myself. I feel like a lion that wants to kill all the lions before me.... not that there were many. But to me atm even one is too many and I want to destroy! Raaaaawwwwwwwrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

^bump

But good thread never the less

[DrLoveMisc]

why? i'd like to know if I'm hanging out in the company of one of her "friends" who banged her. Or if she meets up with a ONS at a party.

or about that guy who posts on her ******** wall all the time and likes things. or her ex who keeps texting her. is he an ex or a ONS?

fact is sexual history is one of the most important things to consider when entering into a relationship. the vast majority of relationships fail - and they usually do so because of it.

Like she will be honest about it lol

[Deadpool2000]

I'm 16, and my gf is 17. She has already been with 15 guys I don't really think there's any future here I hope there is tho I need help with this. (And Ik I'm young but don't harp on that please actually give me advice)

[latverian41]

Dude she's probably had trains ran on her and everything and if she admitted to 7 you best believe its a higher count than that. More like 13 14 most likely. If not more.

There is high probability this one will cheat on you when she gets bored bro..think twice before investing emotionally

[Vigorish]

I'm 16, and my gf is 17. She has already been with 15 guys I don't really think there's any future here I hope there is tho I need help with this. (And Ik I'm young but don't harp on that please actually give me advice)

Live out your sex dreams and move on.

[Witherman]

I'm 16, and my gf is 17. She has already been with 15 guys I don't really think there's any future here I hope there is tho I need help with this. (And Ik I'm young but don't harp on that please actually give me advice)

strong 1st post after three years of membership.

law of 3s. if she said 15, its more like 45.

[charlzyd]

My bf and I haven't discussed the specifics of our sexual past, but he does know I've had previous relationships and ONS before we started dating seriously (funnily enough, he was my first ever ONS five years ago lol). And I know the basics of his past. But we don't know numbers and I don't think we ever will. I just don't think there's a need when all that matters we are together now and committed/trust one another.

Funnily enough, my bf seems more put off by my past relationships than my ONS, given I had feels in those relationships, whereas ONS were just physical fun, no strings attached.

Anyway, I don't think the number of partners matters too much, as long as each person was safe during those encounters. And I honestly think it's a good thing my fella has probably banged lots of chicks before me. Means he's had a lot of practice and I get to reap the rewards now

[Dirtylocks]

cliffs on why this thread was revived from 2013...?

[Dirtylocks]

I have a quality girl, that I am happy with and trust. She just happens to have had sex with dozens of guys before me.

[FitnessBlue]

My bf and I haven't discussed the specifics of our sexual past, but he does know I've had previous relationships and ONS before we started dating seriously (funnily enough, he was my first ever ONS five years ago lol). And I know the basics of his past. But we don't know numbers and I don't think we ever will. I just don't think there's a need when all that matters we are together now and committed/trust one another.

Funnily enough, my bf seems more put off by my past relationships than my ONS, given I had feels in those relationships, whereas ONS were just physical fun, no strings attached.

Anyway, I don't think the number of partners matters too much, as long as each person was safe during those encounters. And I honestly think it's a good thing my fella has probably banged lots of chicks before me. Means he's had a lot of practice and I get to reap the rewards now

Translation

"I am dating a beta"
*cope*

[mourningdove]

Deez hoz will lie to you anyway. In my experience, most women say fewer than 10. FOH. You'll never know so dont waste ur time inquiring. U can be a good girl whose smashed a lot. Some women DO grow out of it. I did have one fwb admit to over 40 at age 24. I was smashing raw too eeeeeeek...im good doe

[USAPump]

I'm 16, and my gf is 17. She has already been with 15 guys I don't really think there's any future here I hope there is tho I need help with this. (And Ik I'm young but don't harp on that please actually give me advice)

damn brah that's bad. like real bad. like unhealthy bad lol. mainly due to the age.



don't expect anything srs, you're young and just enjoy getting your dick wet as much as possible while doing homework.

[zebraman12]

Translation

"I am dating a beta"
*cope*

Only betas date sloots.

[MiscInformed]

I'm 16, and my gf is 17. She has already been with 15 guys I don't really think there's any future here I hope there is tho I need help with this. (And Ik I'm young but don't harp on that please actually give me advice)

You're 16 and she's 17... There's no future there whether she's ridden 2 or 200 cawks.

You're too young and she's too young and neither of you will be the same person in 5 or 10 years.

Have fun. When it ends - and it will end - just move on. At your age, dating is about gaining experiences and learning what you like and don't like in a girl. Don't even think about getting serious about a sloot until you're at least 25. That's not because you're not ready... it's because those sloots aren't ready at that age and they will break your heart (see hypergamy).

[Dirtylocks]

why? i'd like to know if I'm hanging out in the company of one of her "friends" who banged her. Or if she meets up with a ONS at a party.

or about that guy who posts on her ******** wall all the time and likes things. or her ex who keeps texting her. is he an ex or a ONS?

fact is sexual history is one of the most important things to consider when entering into a relationship. the vast majority of relationships fail - and they usually do so because of it.

This again and again and again. Don't forget this.

[johndoe131313]

This again and again and again. Don't forget this.

I agree.
I ended a 5 year relationship. Met her when she was 32...online,
I could not shake off of the feeling that something bad was going to happen despite all the mental gymnastics I tried.
My little radars increased my anxiety throughout the relationship :
- I sensed she was not totally honest with me about her past (found and heard many red flags). She had a very introverted personality. Yet she would get extroverted when she was stimulated...
- She had wandering eyes and for some reason would connect better with strangers than with me.
- There was a constant feeling of being rejected by her. I guess this was the lack of pair bonding.
I suspect from all my snooping (caused by the anxiety) that she slept at least with 20 men...but the number could be much higher.
I have myself to blame as well. Attachment trauma from childhood coupled with a promiscuous woman (that lack bonding capacity) is a recipe for hurt.

The past is not always the past. If you feel it is bothering you. You have to end it because it will eat you alive. Trust me the feeling does not go away,

[bixby69]

Some interesting information here, especially from FitnessBlue.

I'm a mid 40's male, and I can tell you this... it don't get easier as you get older, I have dated women that probably quarter their exploits, when women get older they get more desperate, many do anal and even deep throat, but how many guys did it take to learn that ****?

I'd give anything for a woman who just had 7 guys, I think last time a girl who had a low count was my ex wife who had 3 guys, yet you know what, she turned out to be a total **** and took me for a house and kids, so maybe I should have gone with the girl who had more experience at that time.

As an older guy we were programmed to believe women are gentle, nicer and not sluts apart from the odd few... unfortunately after years of being out there, I pretty much hate to say I have found most women are sluts when the mood takes them, as a dater now of divorced women, I have yet to meet one who hasn't ****ed around on their married husband, they seem to like to tell you this as it is getting back at there ex, although it kinda disgusts me.

The thought of a woman ****ing lots of guys before yourself, is not nice at all, but unfortunately the way it has become nowadays. Whats kinda odd is I used to go to Thailand and bang lots of hookers and even took some out for dates (not to marry up lol) and it never bothered me at all that they had probably screwed hundreds of guys... you know why? cos at least they were honest and they were what they were a hooker... now to me I would give many hookers more respect than a girl who ****s guys for free all day long.

My advice to you would be, never marry regardless as that **** is done nowadays, its just too risky financially... maybe get yourself out to Thailand and bang a load of whores then see how you feel when you get back, odds are when you stacked your numbers up you probably won't care as much.

[bixby69]

I'm 16, and my gf is 17. She has already been with 15 guys I don't really think there's any future here I hope there is tho I need help with this. (And Ik I'm young but don't harp on that please actually give me advice)

Probably not man, i'll be honest I don't think most girls are ready to settle down until at least mid 20's, I had a beautiful girl at 17 she was a virgin, I kept her til she was 25 then found she was screwing around, it broke me and I never recovered knowing a girl I trusted that much and was mine and only mine could have done that to me. Her reason was she hadn't been with any other guys, and yet we had a great sex life... but the same person gets old fast.