she's 20 and has already had sex with 7 guys. only 3 of them were boyfriends. i have only slept with 1 girl besides her. I care alot about her and do love her but it always comes up in my mind a bit. especially this one guy who is a white trash mother ****er.
I never mention it to her but it does bug me. Do I just need to get over it?
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Results 1 to 30 of 602
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05-20-2013, 06:41 AM #1
Getting over my girlfriend's sexual past
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05-20-2013, 06:44 AM #2Banned
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It's going to be extremely hard to get over it knowing and visualizing it happening.
The learning lesson here is - if the girl seems like a catch.. DO NOT ask or find out her sexual history. Past is dead brother.
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05-20-2013, 06:47 AM #3On a cut. I think...
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Past is the past dude. As long as she's giving it to you now, what does it matter? For future reference tho - never ask... nothing good can come of that.
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05-20-2013, 06:51 AM #4Brb Eating..
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Forget about the past. Live in the present!
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05-20-2013, 07:06 AM #5
lol, 7!?
I wish I could find a girl with just 7.
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05-20-2013, 07:14 AM #6On a cut. I think...
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Lol - I was just thinking that.Originally Posted by Sach
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05-20-2013, 07:26 AM #7Registered User
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Honestly, the relationship probably won't work out.
You'll get over it, but the past will come back to bite. past is past is literally the worst thing which anyone could say about relationships - the past means everything!
Not that her number is that high, just you're always going to feel inferior to it (at this age especially) - and when guys try to come back into the picture, it's going to hit you even more because you can't identify with the situation at all. And she very likely has lingering feelings to other guys - I am pretty sure she is more special to you, than you to her. Girls have less capacity to emotionally bond, the more guys they've been with.
So sexual history always matters - how a relationship can work with it depends on the circumstances.
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05-20-2013, 07:28 AM #8Registered User
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Just don't think about it. It is easier than it sounds.
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05-20-2013, 07:32 AM #9RH bro specialist
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Here we go again. Expected *******s with their "past is the past" or "don't ask don't tell" mentality. Forget that! If her past bugs you, it's your personality type aka (Alpha male). You will never be able to play ignorance like some do. Past behaviours are the best predictors of future behaviours. You also have limited experience though, that only adds to your frustration. I for one, would never be proud of having a girl with a raunchy past hanging off my arm. Yes my past is raunchy, but as an owner of a penis...it's natural
With that said, 7 penises isn't too high, but higher than wife material as far as I am concered. But hey, that's me.*LEO crew*
*Alpha crew*
*Conservative crew*
*No Ma'am crew*
*Electric Guitar crew*
**always listen to your gut instinct**
~if you want prince charming, you better be a princess~
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05-20-2013, 07:48 AM #10Registered User
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LESSON: Never ever ever ever discuss sexual history EVER.Originally Posted by matt8788
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05-20-2013, 07:55 AM #11Registered User
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why? i'd like to know if I'm hanging out in the company of one of her "friends" who banged her. Or if she meets up with a ONS at a party.Originally Posted by eat-sleep-lift
or about that guy who posts on her ******** wall all the time and likes things. or her ex who keeps texting her. is he an ex or a ONS?
fact is sexual history is one of the most important things to consider when entering into a relationship. the vast majority of relationships fail - and they usually do so because of it.
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05-20-2013, 08:07 AM #12RH bro specialist
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reppedOriginally Posted by HIIT
*LEO crew*
*Alpha crew*
*Conservative crew*
*No Ma'am crew*
*Electric Guitar crew*
**always listen to your gut instinct**
~if you want prince charming, you better be a princess~
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05-20-2013, 08:20 AM #13Registered User
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A lot of what youre saying i totally agree with BUT most of it is related to issues of TRUST and not sexuality.Originally Posted by HIIT
If you have mutual trust in this relationship she will tell you the 'need to knows'. Everything else is not worth knowing. Youll know whether or not she is a sl00t without having to ask her, its pretty easy to tell. So why ask and complicate things?
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05-20-2013, 08:24 AM #14Registered User
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100% ThisOriginally Posted by eat-sleep-lift
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05-20-2013, 08:33 AM #15RH bro specialist
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Basically this screams "scared to know the truth".Originally Posted by eat-sleep-lift
*LEO crew*
*Alpha crew*
*Conservative crew*
*No Ma'am crew*
*Electric Guitar crew*
**always listen to your gut instinct**
~if you want prince charming, you better be a princess~
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05-20-2013, 08:34 AM #16Registered User
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the "need to knows" are very subjective - most women have the logic that "what he doesn't know, can't hurt him". most will not want to create a situation when they perceive it (initially) as relatively innocent - or in the back of their minds, a way to monkey branch in the future. that ONS's number on her phone, she has no plans right now to see him so that's not a need to know. she goes to a party for a ONS - it's just a party, she has no plans to do anything with him, that's not a need to know.Originally Posted by eat-sleep-lift
but there's more to it than that. past predicts the future. has she cheated on all her ex bfs? does she rebound quickly from arguments with a load of guys? does she use sex to fill a hole in her soul? her capacity to emotionally bond will likely diminish too with each guy.
no guy wants to treat somebody else's whore like a princess, or date a whore who could cheat on him at any moment.
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05-20-2013, 08:43 AM #17Registered User
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Listen man, past is past i used to date this girl who had 4 previous guys she went out with and it seemed like we always used to run into one of them. It wasn't until she brought it to my attention and that it was the most awkward thing in public and made me extremely angry. The thing is we can't change what happened and if you have a good thing don't ruin it because of a mistake that happened. Ya diggg?
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05-20-2013, 08:43 AM #18Non-Operating Operator
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I don't know my girls number, and she doesn't know mine. (I dunno if I even know mine tbh)
Why would you want to know? Don't ask, don't tell.
And if it bothers you, just remember they were all BEFORE she met you.
Clerks sums it up best
skip to like 1:15
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05-20-2013, 08:55 AM #19Registered User
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yep, youre completly right in most things. It all consolidates my point though. These are all trust issues related to sex.Originally Posted by HIIT
This is my view (basically my thought pattern behind my argument):
so many people treat dating a girl like its a test. A trial of sorts. They want to know everything. How much money they make; how many people they have slept with, what side they vote for, where they come from, how many kids they want etc etc etc. the list goes on
then, when all the boxes are ticked, the male invests 99% percent of his emotions in the girl and changes his FB status to in a relationship and jumps up and down with giddy excitement.
I dont think it should work like that. Give it a go first. find out the little things and get to know the girl over time and youll figure out if shes the girl of your dreams. Hang out, find chemistry and bond over having fun together. move on to sex and meeting friends *insert natural progression here*. This seems like a much better, much more natural option and for this reason I dont see the point in asking for sexual history. its dating, not a job interview. When she is comfortable, and trusts that you wont judge her, she might tell you anyway. And by that stage, you will trust her, so it probably wont even matter.
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05-20-2013, 09:27 AM #20Registered User
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what you're suggesting is how relationships all work anyway. i don't think you deal with what i've said at all. if you look on dating forums you'll see the vast majority of problems are related to sexual past - not mainly about just knowing the number like in this thread, but some blast from past coming back to haunt.Originally Posted by eat-sleep-lift
off the top of my head, i knew a guy and his girlfriend at uni. when they broke up he was devastated, and told me he never knew how many guys she'd slept with etc. played it your way. i knew the girl - she had told me she had lost her virginity at 13, had slept around A LOT - when they were dating, I saw her pull another friend's friend, and take him home with her...He knew none of this. He said he was suspicious one time when she slept in another guy's bed at a party, but decided he trusted her, he had no reason not to.
Your strategy of trying to say past is past almost always goes badly. The vast majority of relationships end around this age - if you want to live in denial and not know the truth like my friend, that's the way you're going to live your life.
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05-20-2013, 09:32 AM #21Registered User
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(Side note; this is why I posted a topic on this exact subject the other day)Originally Posted by eat-sleep-lift
But, really bro: life is about judging people. You judge people all the time whether or not you know. You might have a favorable judgment that turns out wrong, or a unfavorable one that turns out wrong as well. Or they can turn out right.
This is becoming more of a dumb-ed down aspect of American culture. The guys who have value and respect for themselves aren't going to be dating the girls who have no respect for themselves and sleep around outside of a relationship. Why does that mean she has no respect for herself? Because while she may also enjoy the sex, she's lowering her value as a female (ie. disrespecting her own future self value). Sex is just becoming something you "do" with someone when you get an urge to. There's no reason a man with options and value should commit to a girl who, has given up so freely. If others got the pussay without dealing with her BULLSHTT, dating her, and at the same time banging other broads, why should I lower myself to being the one who actually commits to her? Now you're probably thinking "what if she didn't want to commit to him hurrrdy durr durr?" Well brohiem, then this girl is really a sloot who shouldn't be taken seriously. Going back to my point earlier, there sex isn't just something you do. It's special because there is a ton of risks, but the risks with the most weight are on the female side. (pregnancy)
Now OP: the feelings may or may not go away. It's happened to me before, with a girl having 2 partners prior. One was a FWB with a guy who was 22 when she was 17 (who she lost it to) and another was a guy who was basically a ONS (she knew him for two nights). The first one didn't actually bother me that much because it was understandable that a 17 year old girl thinks they are the **** when they have sex with a 22 year old guy, and they still hung out and did stuff other than just have sex. (Hence FRIENDS with benefits). The second one made me extremely insecure for reasons I could never really identify for the longest time. However, I realized what made me insecure about ONS was that it was implying in the future that she was the type of girl who could meet someone and **** them the same night. The other reasons I was insecure was because I had (stupidly) built an ideal image of her as not being a sloot which turned out to be false. This revelation of her ONS shattered my image of her, and her character.
Now to put things in perspective, I've had never been insecure about a girls past - with every girl before or after her. Including one girl who had 24 previous partners. So IDK man, I feel for you. Listening to all these people post "the past is the past" won't help you overcome your jealously or insecurity. Been there, done that. It really takes some deep examination of self. Start writing down what makes you angry, how you feel, what you really think about her, what you really want to say to her. Don't show her. Keep doing this everyday until it goes away. I still have these "journals" from when it happened to me so I can look at them and "lol" because now I have a much different opinion on the matter. What I figured out from doing this was basically this:
A girl's past is just one aspect of her. Virgins can and will cheat on you. Instead of making the judgement based solely on her past, base it on the whole package. Is she flirty with other guys? Does she still talk to ex'es? Does she do shady things around you? Are you happy? How do you feel about the relationship? And most importantly, are you having fun?
Tl;dr - bolded.
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05-20-2013, 09:36 AM #22owner of saab factory
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are you really 26? if so, are you religious?Originally Posted by matt8788
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05-20-2013, 09:38 AM #23Registered User
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When I was 12 I had my first sexual experience. At the time, I lived in a little suburb outside of Cleveland and anyway, the girl next door and I were really good friends. Our parents were both gone for the day and she was over playing Transformers with me. So anyway, we kinda got. Bored I guess? And we started playing truth or dare, which turned into 'you show me yours, I'll show you mine". So anyway there I Was, 12 years old, heart pounding, blood rushing in my ears, and the chick (who was a year older than me actually) takes off her panties and hikes her little skirt up. So what did I do, you ask? I whistled for a cab, and when it came near, the license plate said "fresh" and there were dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought "naw forget it, yo home to bel-air!" I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabbie "yo homes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there. To settle my throne as the prince of bel-air.
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05-20-2013, 09:38 AM #24Registered User
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Just a thought: maybe the experiences she had with those individuals makes her truly cherish and deeply appreciate the good experiences she is now able to have with you.
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05-20-2013, 09:54 AM #25Has to go back.
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Lol my last girlfriend was so insecure about my sexual past.Originally Posted by HIIT
It goes both ways. Just don't talk about it. You don't wanna know and neither does she. Trust me.R.I.P 789789/SausageMassage
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05-20-2013, 09:55 AM #26F*ck Mike O'Hearn
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lol at being rustled over 7 sex partners at the age of 20.
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05-20-2013, 10:06 AM #27
Heres what I've noticed: A guy who hasn't slept with many girls or none at all will be insecure about a girl's sexual past if she was more active than himself.
You've only slept with one other girl so of course its going to be tough for you to accept the fact that shes had that many partners. My advice to you is to just quit thinking about it and look at her other qualities and accept her for who she is. If you can't see yourself getting over this and accepting her, then you might as well just end it because its going to keep eating at you from the inside.
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05-20-2013, 10:09 AM #28Mrs. Dwayne Johnson
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You'll never truly get over it.
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05-20-2013, 10:31 AM #29RH bro specialist
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Everybody seems to forget the fact that more than half the dik she has had was random...
That makes the bish anything but relationship material. 20 year old gf of peace*LEO crew*
*Alpha crew*
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*No Ma'am crew*
*Electric Guitar crew*
**always listen to your gut instinct**
~if you want prince charming, you better be a princess~
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05-20-2013, 11:12 AM #30Registered User
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I agree it's more about trust than numbers.
If you find you can't deal with it, accept it's not going to work and move on.
7 could be hella worse! I do think the more partners the less of a bond is formed.
However you can also see it this way, as I have before... that she's got her fun out the way and appreciates a decent guy who doesn't hump and dump for once? Bish wanted to marry me. And if she was filth, now she is YOUR filth and isn't some clueless virgin++ Positive Crew ++
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