Do you pay on the first date? Who should?

**janky** · 12-13-2010, 06:17 PM

Just wanted everyone's opinions on this...

If it's your first time out with a girl, do you just assume you're expected to pay and do so accordingly? Do you ask to half it? Does she pay?

What's your take? (ladies feel free to add input to this as well)

Ideally, if we're in a society that values equal treatment and opportunity for women, then it would make sense to abandon the ethics of yesteryear and forego the "men always pay" mentality. Although, as much as we'd like to live in a perfect world, we all know that's not always the case...

Women, do you automatically expect a guy to pay and get insulted when he doesn't? I know I've had it go both ways... sometimes the girl insists on halfing it, sometimes she's butt-hurt if you don't automatically go for your wallet.

Is it based off of who asks who out?

**Teh_Nigerian** · 12-13-2010, 06:19 PM

For a first date, I would rather not pay much of anything. Either the girl and I are going dutch or doing something free. After having a first date with a girl and having it go no where, I never want to spend any significant money on a women unless we are together.

**GLAMAZ0N** · 12-13-2010, 06:19 PM

If I ask you out, I'll pay because I offered to take you out. If you ask me out you pay because you offered to take me out.

Don't ask if you can't pay or be honest and say let's go dutch to [insert restaurant name here].

**.aeterna** · 12-13-2010, 06:20 PM

guy always pays - simple

**Dave P** · 12-13-2010, 06:23 PM

I always pay.

**retardedtroll** · 12-13-2010, 06:23 PM

I have no problem paying for a girl on the first date. Although, if she doesn't even OFFER to pay for at least her half I probably won't be calling her again. I have no true expectation for her to pay, but her offering says a lot to me.

**.aeterna** · 12-13-2010, 06:29 PM

Originally Posted by retardedtroll

I have no problem paying for a girl on the first date. Although, if she doesn't even OFFER to pay for at least her half I probably won't be calling her again. I have no true expectation for her to pay, but her offering says a lot to me.

true true, i remember having one date where the girl had the audacity to criticize the restaurant i took her to (cheesecake factory..wtf everyone loves this place) and not offer any sign of gratitude when i grabbed the check.

that was a bad date, and no action at the end of the night sealed the deal for me....aka deleting that number

**nycgirl10** · 12-13-2010, 07:00 PM

I have no issue paying, but usually when we go out it's for drinks at te beginning, so it would be he gets a round, I get a round etc I think it's fair

**xokate** · 12-13-2010, 07:03 PM

I'd rather split it. Had a bad experience where the guy seemed to think that him paying for dinner included sex.

**pedobearu_aware** · 12-13-2010, 07:08 PM

I'll pay on the first date. I don't take girls to real nice places on the first date anyway. If the date goes real well then I'll tell her jokingly that she's paying next time, although I'll usually cook dinner myself the second time.

**ausurfer** · 12-13-2010, 07:17 PM

I've been lucky ..

I've only ever had one girl I paid for ..

Most of the rest wanted to pay their own share ..

Had a few girls insist that they pay for everything ..

**Anna516** · 12-13-2010, 07:23 PM

first date guy should always pay...but you got a keeper if the girl suggest shell pay...regardless the man should pay on first date

**kineticforce** · 12-13-2010, 07:33 PM

how old are you she-brah?? ^^^^^^^^^^^^

and it depends - where are we going - if its gonna be 10-30 meh save the chances of looking like a douce and I wouldnt expect her to offer (though its a plus)

if its 20-60-??? than she at min should be offering tip and something more.....but first date/outing shouldnt be more than 40....anyway....although drinks in DC would breah 60 bucks for 2 per person......

again depends on what you are doing and circumstances....

**Anna516** · 12-13-2010, 07:34 PM

why?

**kineticforce** · 12-13-2010, 07:36 PM

Originally Posted by Anna516

why?

because age has a factor in dating.....dating experience

**janky** · 12-13-2010, 08:17 PM

Originally Posted by Teh_Nigerian

For a first date, I would rather not pay much of anything. Either the girl and I are going dutch or doing something free. After having a first date with a girl and having it go no where, I never want to spend any significant money on a women unless we are together.

I get ya. I do the same thing, typically I'll walk waterfront or do something light like grab a coffee or jamba juice and hang out BS'ing... I really dont mind paying $12 to find out if a girl's a douche or not hahaha

Originally Posted by GLAMAZ0N

If I ask you out, I'll pay because I offered to take you out. If you ask me out you pay because you offered to take me out.

Don't ask if you can't pay or be honest and say let's go dutch to [insert restaurant name here].

Solid. I agree w that logic completely.

Originally Posted by .aeterna

guy always pays - simple

Originally Posted by Dave P

I always pay.

Why?
Because it's expected or because you just feel it's the right thing to do?

Originally Posted by retardedtroll

I have no problem paying for a girl on the first date. Although, if she doesn't even OFFER to pay for at least her half I probably won't be calling her again. I have no true expectation for her to pay, but her offering says a lot to me.

Yeah. If a girl offers - big points.
If she at least says thank you I appreciate it - still some points.
If she just says nothing, eats, and doesnt even show gratitude, she better have some bomb ass pussy or the number is going bye bye from my phone

Originally Posted by nycgirl10

I have no issue paying, but usually when we go out it's for drinks at te beginning, so it would be he gets a round, I get a round etc I think it's fair

Totally fair, I agree.

Originally Posted by xokate

I'd rather split it. Had a bad experience where the guy seemed to think that him paying for dinner included sex.

I lol'd.
Well, I'm not going to lie - I've had dates where I bought a girl a few drinks and she ended up being PAINFULLY annoying to the point where I wanted to just close my tab and leave. In that event, the only logic that kept me around was
"Maybe I'll get laid out of this horrific night"

Call it grimey, but it's true. If a girl is painfully annoying, she leaves the man little option but to pursue sex and then disregard her.

(not saying you were, just something to think about)

Originally Posted by Anna516

first date guy should always pay...but you got a keeper if the girl suggest shell pay...regardless the man should pay on first date

Why? Care to elaborate?

Originally Posted by kineticforce

how old are you she-brah?? ^^^^^^^^^^^^

and it depends - where are we going - if its gonna be 10-30 meh save the chances of looking like a douce and I wouldnt expect her to offer (though its a plus)

if its 20-60-??? than she at min should be offering tip and something more.....but first date/outing shouldnt be more than 40....anyway....although drinks in DC would breah 60 bucks for 2 per person......

again depends on what you are doing and circumstances....

Right. Ideally thats why I try to set up cheap/free stuff to do for first dates, so I hear you, believe me. I have no problems crackin girls up with just conversation and flirting, so I don't need to pump them fulla liquor or buy them filet mignon hahaha

So, on a more "budgeted" date, you auto pay and don't expect her to offer? Is it just a kind gesture?

another question

Do you guys who said you pay first (or girls who said guys SHOULD pay first) feel like it's something you're obligated to do?

Do you feel like you'd be labelled a "cheap ass" or "broke" if you didn't, and therein lose your chances w the girl?

Ladies, would you consider a man a cheap ass if he asked you to chip in? Would it influence your decision of him?

**Dave P** · 12-13-2010, 08:24 PM

Originally Posted by janky

Why?
Because it's expected or because you just feel it's the right thing to do?

Well...

(strong mission statement coming)

I guess it helps me feel like I'm in control of the date.

I'm taking the girl where I want to go. She is coming with me not vice versa. She is a guest and if she would like to come along she is allowed to. She isn't doing me a favor by coming as its somewhere I enjoy going (or doing) anyway.

As the man I feel its my job to set the tone. I am strong, confident, successful, and not broke. It means nothing to me to allow someone to come along with me and pick up the tab. You are being taken on a excursion into the world of Dave. I am secure enough in my life to genuinely not care about picking up the tab...not because I have to but because I am able to and because I am a good person who does things for other people.

I am welcoming someone into my world, and I will pay for the trip.

Seriously though I don't understand the whole "make sure you don't pay" mentality. In general its just juvenile and reflects the attitude of a late-teen to early-20's broke person.

When I go to the club I will buy my friends drinks. Not because I have to but because I am well off and don't mind and enjoy it.

**gswarrior510** · 12-13-2010, 08:25 PM

never.

**janky** · 12-13-2010, 08:26 PM

Originally Posted by Dave P

Well...

(strong mission statement coming)

I guess it helps me feel like I'm in control of the date.

I'm taking the girl where I want to go. She is coming with me not vice versa. She is a guest and if she would like to come along she is allowed to. She isn't doing me a favor by coming as its somewhere I enjoy going (or doing) anyway.

As the man I feel its my job to set the tone. I am strong, confident, successful, and not broke. It means nothing to me to allow someone to come along with me and pick up the tab. You are being taken on a excursion into the world of Dave. I am secure enough in my life to genuinely not care about picking up the tab...not because I have to but because I am able to and because I am a good person who does things for other people.

I am welcoming someone into my world, and I will pay for the trip.

That's respectable bro, I can appreciate that. I assume business is going well for you by the sounds of things

What if you weren't in the status you're in now though? If you were on a budget and not the CEO-Dave we know?

Do you think your opinion would change?

**gswarrior510** · 12-13-2010, 08:28 PM

And it doesn't matter because I never arrange first dates where I have to pay. I like to do something outdoors and active.

**Dave P** · 12-13-2010, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by janky

That's respectable bro, I can appreciate that. I assume business is going well for you by the sounds of things

What if you weren't in the status you're in now though? If you were on a budget and not the CEO-Dave we know?

Do you think your opinion would change?

Yea definitely.

I've been extremely broke in my life and its safe to say that I wasn't spending $100 on a date when I was 18.

I still liked to pay with what little cash I had...the dates were far more budgeted than now but the principal of ME taking YOU out remains.

**janky** · 12-13-2010, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by Dave P

Yea definitely.

I've been extremely broke in my life and its safe to say that I wasn't spending $100 on a date when I was 18.

I still liked to pay with what little cash I had...the dates were far more budgeted than now but the principal of ME taking YOU out remains.

Exactly. Common courtesy... I wouldn't invite someone out to the ritziest place in town, order steak and lobster, then go "Oh, btw, I can't afford this so, it's on you this time... hope thats cool..."

I like your answer man. That's pretty much what I do, too. If I invite a girl out somewhere to eat it's usually cause I'm craving that place and I wanna get to know more about her.
Then I watch little stuff like is she health conscious, does she order the most expensive sht since its on my tab or is she cautious of price, does she say thanks, have basic table manners, is she a filthy eater, etc.

I'm weird like that, though. lol...

**BRN** · 12-13-2010, 08:46 PM

Originally Posted by Dave P

Well...

(strong mission statement coming)

I guess it helps me feel like I'm in control of the date.

I'm taking the girl where I want to go. She is coming with me not vice versa. She is a guest and if she would like to come along she is allowed to. She isn't doing me a favor by coming as its somewhere I enjoy going (or doing) anyway.

As the man I feel its my job to set the tone. I am strong, confident, successful, and not broke. It means nothing to me to allow someone to come along with me and pick up the tab. You are being taken on a excursion into the world of Dave. I am secure enough in my life to genuinely not care about picking up the tab...not because I have to but because I am able to and because I am a good person who does things for other people.

I am welcoming someone into my world, and I will pay for the trip.

Seriously though I don't understand the whole "make sure you don't pay" mentality. In general its just juvenile and reflects the attitude of a late-teen to early-20's broke person.

When I go to the club I will buy my friends drinks. Not because I have to but because I am well off and don't mind and enjoy it.

respect.

**ARhymingApe** · 12-13-2010, 08:51 PM

Would James Bond let the girl pay?

**xokate** · 12-13-2010, 08:56 PM

Originally Posted by janky

I lol'd.
Well, I'm not going to lie - I've had dates where I bought a girl a few drinks and she ended up being PAINFULLY annoying to the point where I wanted to just close my tab and leave. In that event, the only logic that kept me around was
"Maybe I'll get laid out of this horrific night"

Call it grimey, but it's true. If a girl is painfully annoying, she leaves the man little option but to pursue sex and then disregard her.

(not saying you were, just something to think about)

...Yeah, I might've been painfully annoying.

He wasn't liquoring me up at a bar and hitting on me though. We had dinner, he dropped me off at my house, tried to come in without an invite, and called me a bitch when I said he couldn't come in. I don't remember the exact words, but the guy literally thought since he paid for dinner he automatically got sex. He tried to guilt me with the amount he paid for dinner and so on. Really awkward.
I would rather pay for myself after that. Plus most guys my age aren't exactly made of money, and I imagine if I were them I'd appreciate splitting the cheque.

**.aeterna** · 12-13-2010, 08:58 PM

well as said, if you invite someone out to dinner or anything, the onus is that you are treating them.

[warning incoming lecture]
but more importantly IMO for the reason to pay for the first (few) dates is simply because im more traditional. i believe that certain standards between men and women should be upheld when it comes to pre-dating/dating/relationships/marriages.

firstly, its a "mans role" to pay for dinner. its not WKing in any way shape or form. if nething, NOT paying is rude and would be very unattractive (if i was the woman). as a guy, i believe its simply a small sign of financial security. a woman innately wants that, hence why ill never harp on a girl for seeking that quality in a potential mate (gold digging is different).

secondly, thats how its been forever...why change whats worked in the past? granted this is a new era of feministic nonsense, but ive YET to meet a girl who doesnt love having the guy pay (even if she is 1000x richer than him).

bottom line: i know what a mans role is, i know what a womans role is. i believe its important to stick to that and avoid even SMALL things that may cause blurring of these roles. a woman paying for the date is one of those small things

P.S - things definitely change after u become exclusive or go on several dates. by that time, its pretty natural for a girl to ask you out and pay for something. ive also yet to meet a princess type stuck up biatch who didnt invite me out after i paid for the first few.

**.aeterna** · 12-13-2010, 08:59 PM

Originally Posted by xokate

...Yeah, I might've been painfully annoying.

He wasn't liquoring me up at a bar and hitting on me though. We had dinner, he dropped me off at my house, tried to come in without an invite, and called me a bitch when I said he couldn't come in. I don't remember the exact words, but the guy literally thought since he paid for dinner he automatically got sex. He tried to guilt me with the amount he paid for dinner and so on. Really awkward.
I would rather pay for myself after that. Plus most guys my age aren't exactly made of money, and I imagine if I were them I'd appreciate splitting the cheque.

yea...that guys an idiot- nobody is entitled to nething from someone else.

**bitty_bish** · 12-13-2010, 08:59 PM

When a couple starts dating, I think you should include a punch card. That way, you could switch off.

It's not the 50's anymore. If the lady works and is not all in the dark ages anymore (ie; meaning she doesn't sit at home and darn your socks and is the forever baby making machine), she should see if she could help out 1/2 or leave the tip.

.........I'll get my ass back in the kitchen.

I <3 double standards.

**kineticforce** · 12-13-2010, 09:29 PM

Originally Posted by janky

Right. Ideally thats why I try to set up cheap/free stuff to do for first dates, so I hear you, believe me. I have no problems crackin girls up with just conversation and flirting, so I don't need to pump them fulla liquor or buy them filet mignon hahaha

So, on a more "budgeted" date, you auto pay and don't expect her to offer? Is it just a kind gesture?

like I dont think it would matter if I was balling or scrappin, and we went to pf changs or pf-dollar-chinese-hole-in-the-wall place - IN THE END does she offer to pay (and how forceful is she about it). There is a point of integrity in a woman which I find to be highly respectable and desirable on a certain level. So do I autopay sure - cause Im waiting for a response from her. Than I can judge her.

Now if shes forcefully saying IM PAYING HALF and there are no questions....ok fine you got it (maybe the date was that sh*tty and she wants to kick in half so there are NO MIXED SIGNALS). If she says it in passing (to just say it cause she read this thread) - sure your a whore and I cant wait to pump and dump. If she seems sincere than sure I'll politely decline and than if she offers a second time, no worries she can get dessert at the next place or pay her half Im not gonna argue. Sincerity/being genuine goes a long way

Originally Posted by janky

Do you guys who said you pay first (or girls who said guys SHOULD pay first) feel like it's something you're obligated to do?

no but given some discussions Ive had with older men and women in general - it seems like you will less likely have a second date if you dont go the pay route and she doesnt offer.

Again if she's not offering than in the long run you're saving time....in the short run it was 20 bucks and lesson learned....ya dig?

Originally Posted by janky

Do you feel like you'd be labelled a "cheap ass" or "broke" if you didn't, and therein lose your chances w the girl?

depends on the girl and what you do on the "date" if were hanging out and going to different places - like I get dinner and she gets the milk shakes and I get the coffee and she gets the night cap......

I guess are you saying JUST "dinner"? or JUST coffee? or just drinks?

Originally Posted by janky

Ladies, would you consider a man a cheap ass if he asked you to chip in? Would it influence your decision of him?

I have a story but lets just say - I still smashed but felt stupid asking...just dont ask.....and since that time was only time I did it - I have gone with the pay and see what she does method....works

**LeftNut** · 12-13-2010, 10:47 PM

Originally Posted by GLAMAZ0N

If I ask you out, I'll pay because I offered to take you out. If you ask me out you pay because you offered to take me out.

Don't ask if you can't pay or be honest and say let's go dutch to [insert restaurant name here].

Do you find yourself asking many Men out then?

Anyway the only thing I assume on a date is that she is bought up correctly and as such I expect the girl to pay her share like I would do of myself if I was out with anyone else (be it on a date, out with friends or talking to some bint down the pub). Anything less and I attribute this self entitlement attitude to that of someone who is rude and lacks class.

As the friends example was used above......When my friends ask me to go somewhere, it is merely an invitation by them and not a burden to outlay money... the onus is on me to accept or reject that invitation. Now of course they are free to pick up the tab if they so wish but its not something that I'd ever expect or demand from them..... doing so is classless. If I accept the invitation then I do so with the ingrained social etiquette understanding that Im responsible for myself without needing anyone to point it out to me.

Forget archaic bull**** gender roles rubbish, manners and class aren't gender specific. A girl who wants to play that game is of course cordially invited to come wash my clothes, clean my house and cook me food.

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