Girl I've been dating pretty seriously for 1 month totally flaked on me... what do?

[2TheMoon]

OP suicide watch

[heretomorrow]

Hm. I am female and if I was dating a guy for 1 month, and I really liked him, I wouldn't just ditch a date and not contact him til the next day.

Simple. Sorry OP, she's just not that in to you IMO.

[Twism24]

Surprised this thread went so long. I think OP sounds like a good guy, but he's also a giant B*TCH. Long responses, constant thinking about the matter, saying "he didn't care" and how he's SO DONE, etc etc. He bought her flowers and apologized for being mad like a *******. Neg cannons charged, waiting for OP.

[Monkeyboi8]

Hm. I am female and if I was dating a guy for 1 month, and I really liked him, I wouldn't just ditch a date and not contact him til the next day.

Simple. Sorry OP, she's just not that in to you IMO.

This....girls do this all the time which is mind boggling. Just say no don't make up excuses. This is why women get a bad rap and wonder why guys trash them.

[Monkeyboi8]

Surprised this thread went so long. I think OP sounds like a good guy, but he's also a giant B*TCH. Long responses, constant thinking about the matter, saying "he didn't care" and how he's SO DONE, etc etc. He bought her flowers and apologized for being mad like a *******. Neg cannons charged, waiting for OP.

Lol I was thinking the same thing. OP writes essays when explaining himself.

[SnakedYOURwave]

Update:

sorry for the wait guys, she left around 11pm.

What happened:
-she was very awkward from the moment I saw her. Very quiet, nervous, uncomfortable, etc.
-it was hard holding back on her but I was pretty unemotional/calm the entire time
-talked a little about our weekend etc to lighten it up... cause it was kinda feeling like a parent about to scold a child and I didn't want that
-after like 10 mins, me: so tell me what happened Wednesday?
-she spoke pretty slowly, very nervous/uncomfortable/didn't talk a ton... but this was basically her version: she went to the bar with a big group of people from work (not just her + her boss + client), she drank a little too much cause she was uncomfortable (she's also a lightweight), she's been to meetings like this before (client tries to schmooze them over b/c she's the one buying from them), lost track of time then her phone died, boss's car got towed so she drove him to his car then she went to her house and passed out thinking she'd just charge her phone and contact me in the morning b/c she felt I'd be asleep already and she didn't think waiting till the morning made a difference at that point since it was like 1am when she got back. She didn't go to work b/c she was feeling sick/not much sleep/slight hangover/just wanted a day off in general.
-I then just sat there staring at her and she kept looking down... was hoping she'd spill more
-she said her actions were very inconsiderate/rude/and she's so sorry and hates that she did that and guaranteed nothing like this will ever happen again. She was very regretful/sorry when she said this. Seemed believable.
-me:"this just seems too fishy and weird to me." and asked about the golf incident and not texting me and her relationship with her boss
-apparently boss is 36 and married and that isn't what's going on at all. They are just friends, and most people are friends like that at her work, and she's been working there 1+ yrs and he's never made a pass. He takes lots of people out from work like that and this was their first time out. She said she asked for a raise and her boss is trying to find a new position for her in the company and that's why she wanted to go to both golf + the bar
-she didn't deny too hard me saying I don't believe she didn't see my text till 7pm. Just kept saying that what she said is exactly what happened and doesn't know what else to say but she's so sorry and won't ever do it again and she likes me so much and thought things btwn us were great until she made that terrible mistake
-said she hasn't dated anyone since me nor has she done anything with anyone else
-I said the "you're not my gf and don't owe me anything and I'm not judging you... so just tell me the truth cause I believe something compelled you to stay at the bar... we can work past this but I just don't feel comfortable with you and we might as well end it now"
-she seemed very scared/shocked and sincerely denied it all + apologized again and kept saying she told me everything
-asked her why she didn't drive over. Said b/c it was pretty late, and she drank too much. She also brought up how fri night she knew I didn't like how she was acting (she got drunk while I was sober and acted like a highschooler in front of my friend who she just met) and thought it'd really piss me off to show up that late + drunk so she wanted to avoid all that.
-asked her "what would you do if you were me" just to get inside her head and see how bad she thought it was... she said the old her would have ended it but the new her realized that's not the best way and would have forgiven her but be gone if it happened again. This pissed me off and I was 1 second away from throwing her out. I said "so you, being an adult and responsible for your own actions, made a decision to blow me off at the bar when you yourself would have ended it if I did the same thing to you?" she said "no no that's not what I meant...I'd be very mad like you are but I'd give you another chance. THe old me was me at like 18-21 I was very stupid back then and that's not what I would have done now"
-told her well you're basically asking me to trust you and accept the fact that you blew me off to get drunk at the bar. Said that's a lot for me to do but I like her so I'll forgive it but nothing like this can happen again

-we then tried talking about other stuff but it was just awkward and she was pretty quiet
-talked more and eventually we loosened up and had sex
-wednesday night came up about 1-2x more times randomly. I asked her if she expected this convo. She said definitely b/c she knew she did a horrible thing and she could tell I was being distant/cold with my texts and it was eating her up. She said her talking about her car and that other stuff was to try and change the subject

-looking back, about 1 minute after she arrived I realized I lost almost all feelings I had for her. I think it's cause my feelings for her were so new/premature and it takes me a while to care about any girl, that a move like this can easily wash almost all of them away. I also looked at her and her life harder... and she just wasn't as attractive to me and I'm not just talking about her looks
-also going out fri/sat night with the boys and meeting a few girls just as hot + with some possible potential really helped put things in perspective.

-Not exactly sure what will happen or what I'm feeling (I am not good understanding my emotions in this regard...) but I'm like 95% sure I'm just going to casually date this girl and nothing more will come of it.
-I also kinda feel that since she's not my gf, that this is something that can be forgiven (not forgotten) and she can get a 2nd chance... and another part of me is like "why even try to be nice or make her laugh? why put any effort into her if she's the kind of person that can do that?"


I think that's everything that happened.
Sorry for the long summary... but I really appreciated all the advice and didn't want to leave you guys hanging.
Thanks a lot for the help guys.

Thoughts/comments welcome.

[jikkyo]

You are putting way too much thought into this. If she's no longer gf material, then keep her around for the sex. If you still want to pursue her, then do it. Why make it so complicated bro

[weakusername]

1. she went to the bar with a big group of people from work (not just her + her boss + client)

2. she didn't deny too hard me saying I don't believe she didn't see my text till 7pm. Just kept saying that what she said is exactly what happened and doesn't know what else to say

3. asked her "what would you do if you were me" just to get inside her head and see how bad she thought it was... she said the old her would have ended it but the new her realized that's not the best way and would have forgiven her but be gone if it happened again

4. I said "so you, being an adult and responsible for your own actions, made a decision to blow me off at the bar when you yourself would have ended it if I did the same thing to you?" she said "no no that's not what I meant...I'd be very mad like you are but I'd give you another chance. THe old me was me at like 18-21 I was very stupid back then and that's not what I would have done now"

5. told her well you're basically asking me to trust you and accept the fact that you blew me off to get drunk at the bar. Said that's a lot for me to do but I like her so I'll forgive it but nothing like this can happen again

6. I asked her if she expected this convo. She said definitely b/c she knew she did a horrible thing and she could tell I was being distant/cold with my texts and it was eating her up. She said her talking about her car and that other stuff was to try and change the subject

1. so she lied from the start about who she was going out with
2. she definitely saw the text and ignored it
3-5. all this was said to save her skin, otherwise her logic went backwards with her growing of age
6. the conversation was rehearsed in her head. she came somewhat prepared to save her own skin

i don't understand why women have such a difficulty telling the truth. if your going out with a bunch of co-workers then just say so. and it seems like she was having too much fun and ignored your text on purpose. so she lied at least twice to you. casual dating, maybe. serious dating, no. imo

[Apollo151]

Update:
post

Thoughts/comments welcome.

As others said, downgrade to FWB but tell her you aren't ready for a serious relationship. Also, you don't have a backbone, work on that first.

[2TheMoon]

0% chance I'd trust this girl

[SnakedYOURwave]

You are putting way too much thought into this. If she's no longer gf material, then keep her around for the sex. If you still want to pursue her, then do it. Why make it so complicated bro

It's important to me to assess the situation to know if I should pursue it or not... I would have ended it with her if I didn't talk to her tonight.

1. so she lied from the start about who she was going out with
2. she definitely saw the text and ignored it
3-5. all this was said to save her skin, otherwise her logic went backwards with her growing of age
6. the conversation was rehearsed in her head. she came somewhat prepared to save her own skin

i don't understand why women have such a difficulty telling the truth. if your going out with a bunch of co-workers then just say so. and it seems like she was having too much fun and ignored your text on purpose. so she lied at least twice to you. casual dating, maybe. serious dating, no. imo

1- she just said my boss wants me to come to this bar with a client. She didn't even bring up the group. It was a quick phone call.
2-agreed
3-5 very possible
6- yep

0% chance I'd trust this girl

That's the thing I now need to figure out... she will definitely have to work hard to gain any trust from me. As of now I'll casually date her at the most.

Her bday is this week... not sure what I'll do about it. Right now I want to send a "happy bday" text at most

Going to sleep on this one and see how I feel tmrw

[btownreppin]

She prolly left and called her friend and said it worked, he believed me.

This entire thing is ****ed up for one reason...you had plans with her. She just took a **** on your face and you dont care. If she didn't have plans with you this is non issue 100%. Do you think this girl wont do it again to you? I can foresee you out at a bar talking to a girl and she texts meet me at your place. You leave said girl and this girl never shows up bc while she was walking out another guy snatched her up. Do yourself a favor and leave her alone. You're only getting more attached

[NoMoreBS2013]

Update:

sorry for the wait guys, she left around 11pm.

lost track of time then her phone died, boss's car got towed so she drove him to his car then she went to her house and passed out thinking she'd just charge her phone and contact me in the morning b/c she felt I'd be asleep already and she didn't think waiting till the morning made a difference at that point since it was like 1am when she got back. She didn't go to work b/c she was feeling sick/not much sleep/slight hangover/just wanted a day off in general.
-asked her why she didn't drive over. Said b/c it was pretty late, and she drank too much.
Thoughts/comments welcome.

Wait she wut mate? She drank too much to come over to your house that was 10 mins away from the bar but she could drive her boss to the impound lot? You dumb as **** son. You're obviously full of **** about not having feelings for her, or you would've seen right through that BS, but instead you decided to use some female logic and say oh yea that makes sense I forgive you please let me **** you. And this is after everyone in this thread has been pointing out all her other BS for pages. Hope you enjoy the taste of her boss's jizz. Bet when she left she was amped having a good laugh with her friends on how amazed she was that you actually bought that whole routine. Tard.

[weakusername]

strong username to first post to post content ratio lmao

i knew i was missing something on my initial evaluation of that last post. good catch.

[elterrible987]

First off, why the **** are you relying on texts like a 16 year old girl. Second, if you're going to say no problem, then ****ing mean it. No need to play games like a girl saying "No problem, just wont talk to her till sunday", just meet with her about it.

Yeah why didnt OP just call her at like 10 pm if he was expecting her to come over at 9 or something.

[elterrible987]

Yeah why didnt OP just call her at like 10 pm if he was expecting her to come over at 9 or something.

She will either answer and still be at a loud noisy bar, not answer or the phone is off. Atleast you know what is going on.

[Twism24]

Jesus christ OP your update made me rage. Im pretty sure I'm just gonna casually date her blah blah blah SHUT THE F*CK UP and stop lying to the misc. You were crying your heart out before you actually met up with her and then when you finally saw her being genuine and apologizing and trying to keep you around then you realized you had the power so you're putting up a front trying to look alpha. Do us a favor & stop with the BS if you want us to help you next time & just admit you like the damn girl and have oneitis

[Boffothe]

Whatever you decide or do, tell her to stop phucking driving drunk.

[HeliBrah]

Whatever you decide or do, tell her to stop phucking driving drunk.

lol, was wondering if I would be the only one who noticed that part of the story

Strong sense of responsibility on her part.

[Gameover89]

-talked more and eventually we loosened up and had sex

Stopped reading here. Whats the issue? She is not your girlfriend and dont make her that either just keep fuking her.

Why try complicate this chit your getting laid.

I love how you think it was BAD for her not to drink and drive to your house. Also strong boss letting her drink drive as well.

[wyzenbek]

...she drank a little too much cause she was uncomfortable...boss's car got towed so she drove him to his car then she went to her house and passed out...

-asked her why she didn't drive over. Said b/c it was pretty late, and she drank too much. She also brought up how fri night she knew I didn't like how she was acting (she got drunk while I was sober and acted like a highschooler in front of my friend who she just met) and thought it'd really piss me off to show up that late + drunk so she wanted to avoid all that.

Too drunk to come over, but not too drunk to drive...ok...bullsh*t?

The only explanation that is alright is that she knew she was drunk and didn't want to put on a bad show in front of you, since she's trying to impress you. So at some point in the night she realised she was drunk to the point where she thought you'd be annoyed at her (or "really pissed off" as you put it) or find her embarrassing/unappealing so she avoided you.

But why the f*** did she stay so long and not contact you? She's a bad communicator or she's not telling the whole story.
And driving while drunk just adds a whole new level...

[ghrbrah]

she texts me: "Do you hate me? I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am..."

this isn't what you text someone when your phone dies

[socrates07]

this isn't what you text someone when your phone dies

lol I know right, that's like the one massive shining in gold "look at me, this is bs, im a sloot but I try and hide it"

I was chatting with a chick for a while not long ago, and I called her up recently and she answered the phone in tears boo hooing. Turns out she'd been fuking some dude since halloween and had lied to me all along about it. Luckily I had just been chatting with her over the phone this whole time since she was out of state.. but the simple fact that she would lie to me about it, when we hadn't even gone out on a single DATE op you reading this?? Honestly like I could give a fuk since we're not dating but don't fuking lie to me about it especially when it means nothing to me. The only reason she even told me is because the dude she was fuking decided to stop because he didn't believe she was being honest with him ( he thinks she was fuking someone else or possible would be fuking someone else )

So, after being cut off from d*ck, now the bish decides to tell me. This is sloot logic and this kind of chit is what this sloot is doing man.

This chick has lied to you multiple times now, and I kind of wonder if girls even care about lying anymore since they get off so easy these days. In the middle east you get hung in public view for everyone to see. In western countries you text your emotional beta ******* to get self-justifying reasons for it so said bish can go on living life like she did nothing wrong.

Regardless, I lol'd at driving the boss home after his car got towed. That is some funny fuking chit right there, I bet she charged her phone at his house and texted you in the morning after she got out of the shower and was on her way home.

Females, thread/

[Xinroth]

@Snaked, ignore whomever is saying that you're an idiot/spineless/have no backbone etc. You did the right thing.

The problem here is that now you're conflicted, feelings of anger and doubt mix up with your 'attraction' for this girl, I would've done everything like you did,
but i'd add one thing: I'd break up/tell her that I don't want to see her again, and thank her for the good time.

I'd call her asap and tell her that, might as well not drag this too much and wait for her to fukk up again. Don't waste your time and hurt yourself.

[GhostRider111]

Sorry OP but you FAIL.

One, by having sex with her. Basically that tells her everything is A ok and that she has you wrapped around her finger. That her little hole is more powerful than the self respect that you have for yourself. So in that regard? Not good OP.

My one question after reading her explanation is why, if she is too drunk, and if she is with a large group of people, was she the one who drove her boss to his car?? That doesn't add up to me. She is too drunk to come over, but not too drunk to drive her boss, who she is trying to impress? Does driving drunk sound like a way to impress a boss to you? As this story goes on you will probably find out more and more that happened. My best guess, knowing what we know, is that she did "something" with the boss. Sex? Make out? BJ? He tried something and she resisted? Who knows. But something happened.

But, as I said in a prior post, she is not your gf so she can sleep with whomever she wants. That isn't the issue. The issue is her following through on a committment she made to you, which she failed and that shows lack of moral character, and her inclination to choose staying with her boss and work group over coming over to see you, which shows low interest level in you. Either way, it is not good for you OP and if all this is happening already after one month? What will happen for 6 months? A year? People are on their best behavior the first 3 months and already this is going on??

Tread very carefully OP. And stop rewarding people's bad behavior. You having sex with her was just bad man. Show some self respect.

[socrates07]

@Snaked, ignore whomever is saying that you're an idiot/spineless/have no backbone etc. You did the right thing.

The problem here is that now you're conflicted, feelings of anger and doubt mix up with your 'attraction' for this girl, I would've done everything like you did,
but i'd add one thing: I'd break up/tell her that I don't want to see her again, and thank her for the good time.

I'd call her asap and tell her that, might as well not drag this too much and wait for her to fukk up again. Don't waste your time and hurt yourself.

I disagree, I'd get free head from her for as long as humanly possible

[redliner9]

I like how women think you will disregard another male because she says, "It's ok, he's married".

I have had that line used on me so I wouldnt think that something was up, lol.

So out of all of the co-workers there, she ended up giving the boss a ride? Suuuuure

In the end it doenst matter, shes not your gf anyways.. Good luck bro.

[mujie]

LOL

just LOL

THAT is what you were gonna text her after the bish is well fuking aware of what is going on? How long was the time schedule here? Around 7ish she calls and tells you...


...

THIS MORNING SHE FUKING TEXTS YOU???? ARE YOU FUKING BLIND YOU *******???

either she fuked her boss, or she fuked someone else and totally disregarded you for the little b*tch ******* you are. Think about that dude. 12 FUKING HOURS AT LEAST... think about that minute by minute for a second as she begins to talk and have drinks with said boss, see's your text.. puts phone back in, another drink plz... 15 minutes later, 30 minutes later.. 6 hours later.....

do you really think this chick gives a flying fuk about you get the fuk outta here.

What this guy said^^^

[mujie]

Update:

sorry for the wait guys, she left around 11pm.

What happened:
-she was very awkward from the moment I saw her. Very quiet, nervous, uncomfortable, etc.
-it was hard holding back on her but I was pretty unemotional/calm the entire time
-talked a little about our weekend etc to lighten it up... cause it was kinda feeling like a parent about to scold a child and I didn't want that
-after like 10 mins, me: so tell me what happened Wednesday?
-she spoke pretty slowly, very nervous/uncomfortable/didn't talk a ton... but this was basically her version: she went to the bar with a big group of people from work (not just her + her boss + client), she drank a little too much cause she was uncomfortable (she's also a lightweight), she's been to meetings like this before (client tries to schmooze them over b/c she's the one buying from them), lost track of time then her phone died, boss's car got towed so she drove him to his car then she went to her house and passed out thinking she'd just charge her phone and contact me in the morning b/c she felt I'd be asleep already and she didn't think waiting till the morning made a difference at that point since it was like 1am when she got back. She didn't go to work b/c she was feeling sick/not much sleep/slight hangover/just wanted a day off in general.
-I then just sat there staring at her and she kept looking down... was hoping she'd spill more
-she said her actions were very inconsiderate/rude/and she's so sorry and hates that she did that and guaranteed nothing like this will ever happen again. She was very regretful/sorry when she said this. Seemed believable.
-me:"this just seems too fishy and weird to me." and asked about the golf incident and not texting me and her relationship with her boss
-apparently boss is 36 and married and that isn't what's going on at all. They are just friends, and most people are friends like that at her work, and she's been working there 1+ yrs and he's never made a pass. He takes lots of people out from work like that and this was their first time out. She said she asked for a raise and her boss is trying to find a new position for her in the company and that's why she wanted to go to both golf + the bar
-she didn't deny too hard me saying I don't believe she didn't see my text till 7pm. Just kept saying that what she said is exactly what happened and doesn't know what else to say but she's so sorry and won't ever do it again and she likes me so much and thought things btwn us were great until she made that terrible mistake
-said she hasn't dated anyone since me nor has she done anything with anyone else
-I said the "you're not my gf and don't owe me anything and I'm not judging you... so just tell me the truth cause I believe something compelled you to stay at the bar... we can work past this but I just don't feel comfortable with you and we might as well end it now"
-she seemed very scared/shocked and sincerely denied it all + apologized again and kept saying she told me everything
-asked her why she didn't drive over. Said b/c it was pretty late, and she drank too much. She also brought up how fri night she knew I didn't like how she was acting (she got drunk while I was sober and acted like a highschooler in front of my friend who she just met) and thought it'd really piss me off to show up that late + drunk so she wanted to avoid all that.
-asked her "what would you do if you were me" just to get inside her head and see how bad she thought it was... she said the old her would have ended it but the new her realized that's not the best way and would have forgiven her but be gone if it happened again. This pissed me off and I was 1 second away from throwing her out. I said "so you, being an adult and responsible for your own actions, made a decision to blow me off at the bar when you yourself would have ended it if I did the same thing to you?" she said "no no that's not what I meant...I'd be very mad like you are but I'd give you another chance. THe old me was me at like 18-21 I was very stupid back then and that's not what I would have done now"
-told her well you're basically asking me to trust you and accept the fact that you blew me off to get drunk at the bar. Said that's a lot for me to do but I like her so I'll forgive it but nothing like this can happen again

-we then tried talking about other stuff but it was just awkward and she was pretty quiet
-talked more and eventually we loosened up and had sex
-wednesday night came up about 1-2x more times randomly. I asked her if she expected this convo. She said definitely b/c she knew she did a horrible thing and she could tell I was being distant/cold with my texts and it was eating her up. She said her talking about her car and that other stuff was to try and change the subject

-looking back, about 1 minute after she arrived I realized I lost almost all feelings I had for her. I think it's cause my feelings for her were so new/premature and it takes me a while to care about any girl, that a move like this can easily wash almost all of them away. I also looked at her and her life harder... and she just wasn't as attractive to me and I'm not just talking about her looks
-also going out fri/sat night with the boys and meeting a few girls just as hot + with some possible potential really helped put things in perspective.

-Not exactly sure what will happen or what I'm feeling (I am not good understanding my emotions in this regard...) but I'm like 95% sure I'm just going to casually date this girl and nothing more will come of it.
-I also kinda feel that since she's not my gf, that this is something that can be forgiven (not forgotten) and she can get a 2nd chance... and another part of me is like "why even try to be nice or make her laugh? why put any effort into her if she's the kind of person that can do that?"


I think that's everything that happened.
Sorry for the long summary... but I really appreciated all the advice and didn't want to leave you guys hanging.
Thanks a lot for the help guys.

Thoughts/comments welcome.

You sound beta as **** though.This chick is not worth all this trouble

[nohomejerome]

must be a troll thread
or op is borderline retarded