Girl I've been dating pretty seriously for 1 month totally flaked on me... what do?

[SnakedYOURwave]

-dating for 1 month
-things were going very well
-she says she likes me a lot; wants to be more exclusive with me (she brought it up)
-hang out with her 1-3x per week since we met
-we talk a lot (she texts me/initiates contact a lot)
-sex is great
-she's never flaked before

what happened: on sunday we make plans to hang out last night at 7.
-At 3pm I text her to just come over anytime after 7 and she says she's working a little late but she will come over
-at 710 I text her asking when she thinks she'll come over so I know to cook now or later
-she calls me saying her boss wanted her to meet him and a client at a bar at 7 and she told him she had plans and he was like well it's no big deal to come... (was one of those things where u just entertain the client... however, she's not in sales at all. She's just a buyer at an construction firm so not sure why they asked her... there's also plenty of other girls to ask at the firm)
-she's told me her boss is 36 and gross and she would never go for him, but she's trying to get a raise (they played golf saturday and told him she wants a raise)
-she obeyed and told him she'd go for about 45 mins and then she'd head over to my place

-she flakes. No contact from her until this morning where she texts me: "Do you hate me? I can't even begin to explain how sorry I am..."


What do misc?

I like the girl a lot but she's doing little stuff like this that make it very hard for me to like her. Stuff like this annoys me a lot cause I'm a busy person with a lot going on and I sacrificed other plans to hang out with her.

Although I know chewing a girl out never helps... and I've been pretty hard on her (if she does something I don't like I let her know, but I don't tell her what to do). A few weeks ago she asked if I had feelings for her and I said ya and they're starting to grow and she said she doesn't think I do.

Thinking of texting her:
hey - no worries. Stuff comes up.

or

for what?

I am terrible in these situations so any advice is welcome.

[axour]

You could start by asking her what happened. Post reply here and we can see if she's full of sh!t or not.

[Boffothe]

**** happens, but it was insanely rude not to contact and tell you she wasn't coming. I'd say "it happens, you'll just have to make it up to me" and see how much effort she puts in

[manletgenetics]

her boss is really her Black lover

like a boss

[SnakedYOURwave]

You could start by asking her what happened. Post reply here and we can see if she's full of sh!t or not.

probably going with this now that I think about it. I want an explanation.

**** happens, but it was insanely rude not to contact and tell you she wasn't coming. I'd say "it happens, you'll just have to make it up to me" and see how much effort she puts in

Thought about this... but stuff like this annoys me to the point where I don't even want to see her again even though I liked her a lot. I would never have stood her up like that without at least texting her.

Also - her bday is next week + valentines is right around the corner. She's already mentioned how she wants to go out with me on her bday but after this I don't want to spend a dime on her.

her boss is really her Black lover

like a boss

Wouldn't be surprised at all if the boss is trying to go for her.

[FU3L]

Seems like a legit excuse for the most part - I'd just be pissed that she didn't take 20 seconds to shoot you a text telling you she wasn't going to make it...that's rude IMO.

Also, sounds like her boss wants to clap dem cheeks.

[Twinturbovette]

In!

[SnakedYOURwave]

Another thing I just remembered:

We hung out Friday and she spent the night (she always does). Introduced her to my friends for the first time and she was drunk and kinda made an ass out of herself. Didn't like that cause it seemed like she wasn't putting in much effort to get my friends to like her but she could have just been nervous...

-on saturday she texted asking how my day was
-I told her I was out eating with friends and asked what she was doing
-she was out with a gf eating too
-I then ask if she's going out (asked her around 9pm) that night and she didn't respond till 7pm the next day
-She called me at 7pm; I immediately brought it up saying "what happened to you last night?" and she said she just now saw my text and that's why she called and she brought up how I don't text her that often during the week (I respond to her texts but if she texts me at 8am I'll wait till lunch to reply sometimes... can't always reply cause I'm at work and I told her that)
-told her it was no big deal but I just thought it was weird and we moved past it


I'm just now starting to realize I like this girl a lot (rare for me), but she does and has a lot of qualities I don't like and I'm realizing she's not worth my time...

[Boffothe]

probably going with this now that I think about it. I want an explanation.

Thought about this... but stuff like this annoys me to the point where I don't even want to see her again even though I liked her a lot. I would never have stood her up like that without at least texting her.

Also - her bday is next week + valentines is right around the corner. She's already mentioned how she wants to go out with me on her bday but after this I don't want to spend a dime on her.

Wouldn't be surprised at all if the boss is trying to go for her.

Totally understandable feelings. You're totally right to be annoyed and put off. I had a similar thing happen with a similarly serious chick a few weeks ago, and I was feeling the same way. She seemed super sorry and disappointed in herself and made an effort to make it up to me, so I forgave and am happy I did, but even happier I held my ground.

But yeah, you deserve and explanation, let us know what she says

[SnakedYOURwave]

Seems like a legit excuse for the most part - I'd just be pissed that she didn't take 20 seconds to shoot you a text telling you she wasn't going to make it...that's rude IMO.

Also, sounds like her boss wants to clap dem cheeks.

Totally rude. Luckily I don't wait for girls and left my place after I finished cooking... but she never even contacted me lol

Don't know anything about the boss but my girl is a pretty big flirt and very hot so wouldn't be surprised at all if he's trying to hit it. I believe her when she says she has no interest in him and wouldn't go there tho.

I'm guessing she just got tipsy at this bar thing, didn't contact me cause it was late, and just went home and passed out

[ThePoz]

-she says she likes me a lot; wants to be more exclusive with me (she brought it up)

"So you've been seeing other guys?"

Seems like a legit excuse for the most part - I'd just be pissed that she didn't take 20 seconds to shoot you a text telling you she wasn't going to make it...that's rude IMO.

Also, sounds like her boss wants to clap dem cheeks.

Just ask her what happened OP and tell her to txt you next time.

-on saturday she texted asking how my day was
-I told her I was out eating with friends and asked what she was doing
-she was out with a gf eating too
-I then ask if she's going out (asked her around 9pm) that night and she didn't respond till 7pm the next day
-She called me at 7pm; I immediately brought it up saying "what happened to you last night?" and she said she just now saw my text and that's why she called and she brought up how I don't text her that often during the week (I respond to her texts but if she texts me at 8am I'll wait till lunch to reply sometimes... can't always reply cause I'm at work and I told her that)
-told her it was no big deal but I just thought it was weird and we moved past it

So....OP....when she brought up being exclusive...what did you say? Because it sounds like she was preoccupied.

[Twinturbovette]

Totally rude. Luckily I don't wait for girls and left my place after I finished cooking... but she never even contacted me lol

Don't know anything about the boss but my girl is a pretty big flirt and very hot so wouldn't be surprised at all if he's trying to hit it. I believe her when she says she has no interest in him and wouldn't go there tho.

I'm guessing she just got tipsy at this bar thing, didn't contact me cause it was late, and just went home and passed out

i dont know if i can agree. it could be she got tipsy, went home with said boss or random bar person. then woke up the next day (today) to fix her mistake with apologies. BS BS BS

ask her what happened

[SnakedYOURwave]

Totally understandable feelings. You're totally right to be annoyed and put off. I had a similar thing happen with a similarly serious chick a few weeks ago, and I was feeling the same way. She seemed super sorry and disappointed in herself and made an effort to make it up to me, so I forgave and am happy I did, but even happier I held my ground.

But yeah, you deserve and explanation, let us know what she says

Sucks man. I think these girls just lead a life where they have tons of guys all over them so they don't develop manners like this.

What'd you do when your girl pulled the move like this?

I just texted mine: "i dont hate you. what happened?"

will post response

[Shawnfuzi]

Second chances are great, but you can't have 30 second chances.

It's your call op.

[JETSbrah]

The minor chit that sends some of you brahs into a spiraling panic amazes me.

"Oh no, something came up and plans didn't go as expected once or twice"
"Should I dump her?"

Real life isn't a fairytale brah, chit happens.

[SnakedYOURwave]

"So you've been seeing other guys?"



Just ask her what happened OP and tell her to txt you next time.



So....OP....when she brought up being exclusive...what did you say? Because it sounds like she was preoccupied.

She tells me she isn't seeing anyone but me. She told me she was dating/talking to a few other guys when she met me but after a few dates with me she said she ended it with all of them cause she wanted to date just me. I didn't prompt any of that.

when she brought up being exclusive I was honest with her. Told her I liked her a lot, takes me a while to realize if I want to get exclusive with someone but that I'm really enjoying getting to know her and that we are definitely headed in that direction and I told her I wasn't dating anyone else but her seriously.

what do you mean it sounded "like she was preoccupied?"

[ThePoz]

what do you mean it sounded "like she was preoccupied?"

She was busy. Could have been friends. A guy. Drinking. Whatever. It could be a lot of things.

She sounds like she likes you so I don't see its strange to me that she wouldn't go to text you for 22 hours....mid conversation.

[Boffothe]

Sucks man. I think these girls just lead a life where they have tons of guys all over them so they don't develop manners like this.

What'd you do when your girl pulled the move like this?

I just texted mine: "i dont hate you. what happened?"

will post response

I think that text was spot on. Not butthurt, but still cold.

Girls are never informed that the world doesn't revolve around them, so they find it appropriate to flake without a care. When they realize this is unacceptable, the good ones are pretty sorry about it

[Boffothe]

The minor chit that sends some of you brahs into a spiraling panic amazes me.

"Oh no, something came up and plans didn't go as expected once or twice"
"Should I dump her?"

Real life isn't a fairytale brah, chit happens.

I agree totally that the misc protocol of "she cancels one DELETE THE NUMBER!! " is insane but just to clarify, when a girl flakes and doesn't even contact you, you're totally cool with that? You shouldnt even ask what happened? That I disagree with.

[SnakedYOURwave]

her response:
"lost track of time and phone died "

well this puts me in an interesting position b/c I can't really get mad at that... but I'm busy from now until Sunday night (she knows this) and her bday is next thursday and the vibe we had before this was that I'd be taking her out for her bday... I hate giving second chances like this, especially when it's something I would never have done to a girl I was interested in... fck, I wouldn't have even done it to a girl I wasn't interested in cause I really value time and I don't want to mess with other people's...

thinking of saying

"hey no problem. Stuff happens"

and not contacting her till sunday

[SnakedYOURwave]

The minor chit that sends some of you brahs into a spiraling panic amazes me.

"Oh no, something came up and plans didn't go as expected once or twice"
"Should I dump her?"

Real life isn't a fairytale brah, chit happens.

wasting my time is a huge issue for me. I also believe when you're first dating someone that you put your best foot forward... in that the woman's behavior right now will most likely be as good as it will ever be... I'm trying to seriously date/make this girl my GF, not just sleep with her. I have several other options for that.

She was busy. Could have been friends. A guy. Drinking. Whatever. It could be a lot of things.

She sounds like she likes you so I don't see its strange to me that she wouldn't go to text you for 22 hours....mid conversation.

oh - maybe I didn't explain well, but the "exclusive" convo we had about 2 weeks ago. The "are yall going out" was just chit chat. It's not a big deal at all for me to not respond, but it is something that I'll remember her doing, and stuff like that adds up...

I think that text was spot on. Not butthurt, but still cold.

Girls are never informed that the world doesn't revolve around them, so they find it appropriate to flake without a care. When they realize this is unacceptable, the good ones are pretty sorry about it

couldn't agree more.

I agree totally that the misc protocol of "she cancels one DELETE THE NUMBER!! " is insane but just to clarify, when a girl flakes and doesn't even contact you, you're totally cool with that? You shouldnt even ask what happened? That I disagree with.

Agreed again about not going crazy on her or completely deleting her. however, a girl can't just do **** I don't like all the time without me letting her know about it. If I don't let her know, stuff like this will eat at me and it will definitely manifest itself in other parts of the relationship and help ruin it. But at the same time, I don't want to have to train a girl to act a certain way... I just want her to be herself and then we can figure out if we are a match or not from there..

[ThePoz]

her response:
"lost track of time and phone died "

and not contacting her till sunday

Phones die. But if shes planning on only being out for 45min..IDK how that turns into 5+ hours. I think you should keep your guard up because at the very least it seems like she doesn't prioritize you. If you like the girl...just text her.

[Whoismikejones2]

I would just watch for shady behavior in the future. If she has a good explanation then cool.....But its starting to look a bit murkey

[niosh]

"lost track of time and phone died "

Phones die. But if shes planning on only being out for 45min..IDK how that turns into 5+ hours. I think you should keep your guard up because at the very least it seems like she doesn't prioritize you. If you like the girl...just text her.

This.

[creepalurkin]

Sounds fishy to me... I'm a girl and I've made that excuse to guys who I "better dealed" (not proud) maybe have a talk with her if you're still interested. Just explain that you're really busy and when you make plans with her you'd appreciate it if she wouldn't flake out. Maybe she's just not really into you. I don't know, that's all the advice I've got for ya.

[fretslayer]

That flaky texting crap is bull$hit in my book. Making plans then disappearing until the next morning? Red flag. Even if nothing happened, it's still rude and just inconsiderate of her to blow you off like that. Would you flake in such a way? I doubt it. I've dealt with that kind of stuff and it will drive you nuts. If it's happened twice now, chances are it will happen again which is not cool. I'm all for giving someone the benefit of the doubt but if you can't even keep it together enough to communicate in a mature considerate manner, then adios.

Then the weak ass excuse "Lost track of time and my phone died" come on now...

[SnakedYOURwave]

Phones die. But if shes planning on only being out for 45min..IDK how that turns into 5+ hours. I think you should keep your guard up because at the very least it seems like she doesn't prioritize you. If you like the girl...just text her.

her excuse will be she started drinking (she gets carried away when drunk...), lost track of time, and by the time she charged her phone it was too late. I'll bet in her mind her excuse is perfectly ok.

I would just watch for shady behavior in the future. If she has a good explanation then cool.....But its starting to look a bit murkey

She's already done other stuff to make it hard to trust her. She definitely needs to put in more effort or do something on her own accord to show me she's serious.

[socrates07]

LOL

just LOL

THAT is what you were gonna text her after the bish is well fuking aware of what is going on? How long was the time schedule here? Around 7ish she calls and tells you...


...

THIS MORNING SHE FUKING TEXTS YOU???? ARE YOU FUKING BLIND YOU *******???

either she fuked her boss, or she fuked someone else and totally disregarded you for the little b*tch ******* you are. Think about that dude. 12 FUKING HOURS AT LEAST... think about that minute by minute for a second as she begins to talk and have drinks with said boss, see's your text.. puts phone back in, another drink plz... 15 minutes later, 30 minutes later.. 6 hours later.....

do you really think this chick gives a flying fuk about you get the fuk outta here.

[GaySomalian]

her response:
"lost track of time and phone died "

well this puts me in an interesting position b/c I can't really get mad at that... but I'm busy from now until Sunday night (she knows this) and her bday is next thursday and the vibe we had before this was that I'd be taking her out for her bday... I hate giving second chances like this, especially when it's something I would never have done to a girl I was interested in... fck, I wouldn't have even done it to a girl I wasn't interested in cause I really value time and I don't want to mess with other people's...

thinking of saying

"hey no problem. Stuff happens"

and not contacting her till sunday

First off, why the **** are you relying on texts like a 16 year old girl. Second, if you're going to say no problem, then ****ing mean it. No need to play games like a girl saying "No problem, just wont talk to her till sunday", just meet with her about it.

[HeliBrah]

lol, exactly my reaction when I read that

So she knows she is supposed to meet the guy she has feelings for later on and is stuck with her gross boss and a client ... and loses track of time with them so she doesn't meet with the guy she likes?

From the "meeting the friends" incident she sounds like she can't handle her liquor very well, so it may be truthful, but I can understand how you are annoyed. I would cool the affection a little bit down and have her work for it / make up for it. You don't want to reinforce the idea that the behavior is acceptable by being all "Oh, of course darling, thats perfectly fine, sorry if you felt like I was upset ..." with her.