Giving back. Cottage cheese vs yogurt and the common denominator.

[man0fmayhem]

I'm just giving back, as I've been taking and I want to give to be worthy to receive, so these are for you all.

It's 3 a.m. and I've been working, but for more then a couple hours now I've been browsing the forums, the articles, pin pointing doubts about one thing or another. I've been gathering and collecting information, sailing trough "broscience" always with a tab opened with Google and another with pubmed.

I don't have a laid out plan for this that I'm writing, I even though about not writing it, but then destiny struck, my empty Greek yogurt fit right into my empty cottage cheese package and the funny thing is that just an hour ago I was reading an article of cottage cheese vs. yogurt (the cheese wins). The only sad side for this story is that I'm using those as an ash tray.

- The drama -

All of us have drama, problems, hard times, some exteriorise responsibilities, and many are probably right doing so, but after giving some though about it, these forums are probably for the likes who take themselves responsible for their actions, so being here is already the first step of the journey.

I've learned the hard way on many things, I'm actually still learning, and I know I could be worst, that I will probably be worse, but I also know I've not always been between a rock and a really hard place, so better times will come, I
don't expect them to just show up at my door. Neither should you I would say, I know because I've waited to long in vain.

There is a common denominator here, the guilt. The inner guilt. I've done wrong to myself to an extent that I no longer feel a man nor in touch with nothing, I'm not alone, I've been, but I've changed, I have people who care for me I guess but either I'm to demanding or I'm just to lethargic to care, I just want to get away from all the stress, but it is to late for that, there's no getting out, and If I can't get out I will have to go trough!

Time, time gives and takes, I've taken time and now time is taken from me.

Time is a bill you have to pay and no one other then you understands the price, I know you relate, I know that I am not alone, I know that I am a man because I've lived long enough to understand that opportunities that where given to me will never be given again. I was to arrogant. I though I would live forever, but only the arrogant and the blind live forever in ignorance and ignorance is a place without pain but it takes pain to feel alive and it takes only one glimpse of the iron to understand that. You who have been lifting it know this.

So I've trained in the past with no results, arrogant and blind, nothing changed much, I was a fool, knew to little, knew nothing, though the world would fall at my feet if I would become an Adonis, but like the story of the narcise, I drowned on the reflection of my false ego and false motives..miserable..a joke...a fool. No glory, No nothing. I just faded away. Till one day.

- The motivation -

One day like many others, troubled to sleep, stressed with despair, deeply depressed and alone in a room where no walls have seen such angst and tears, I just quit, I emptied my mind and glimpsed at oblivion and I traveled far into the deepness of my soul until I was a million old and then I saw the young man I was and the old I had become, I got up, looked into the mirror and there lays a monster. Transfigured. That is not me. I look at life and I see nothing and I hate the few I have and even then the guilt for my ungratefullness punctures my soul so hard it transcends its boundaries and ruptures my guts spreading the angst all over the floor. I was standing there, staring at my reflection in silence, inside I was screaming so laud I could hear a deep tinnitus liquefying my brain like a million razors.

I realized. I am nothing.

This was it, it's time to come back and take back my life. There is a huge road ahead me and this is the only road, I either traverse it or not and if not one day the road will just bygone and I was just some flesh that walked the earth with nothing to be remembered. I will always be looking for glory, as glory was born in me, in hopes its what I do not have that will give me the answer to why I am here, but at least now I see there is more, I want to live a life full, so that when the road ends I've taken with me the happiness of the journey, I don't want to fade away in the prison that I am at, and if man before me have paid the ultimate capital price for it then it must be good enough and it must give me the glory I look for in hopes of finding the answer for why am I here. Each one of us knows deeply coded in each of ourselves that we where born to be free and to share that freedom with others.

I want to be free, I want to live. For that is now my motivation.

So just a few weeks ago I woke up, dress up and walked 2 miles to the nearest gym, I'm now training again, consistantly as of last week, to be able to look at myself and feel powerful, feel a man, feel healthy, so that I can enjoy this world and be of good use for others that deserve me. That was what I was thinking not more then a couple a days ago, when I was lifting the iron, one more, one more rep is one more step on something so simple in life as love myself so I can love others. I am now sored, I am now proud.

Train, train for yourself, train for freedom, but that last rep, that one more that will give you the results, I'm lifting it for the others, and I barely can't wait for tomorrow!



Thank you all of this community, especially the one who give back and write all these articles and take time of their lives to help others. Thank you. I'm reading everything, falling myself asleep each night , watching the videos, learning, thirsty, angry with myself, I'll be hitting that iron hard and I'll achieve my goals and be proud again of begin alive and being a man, and then I will give back and help others. Thank you deeply.