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  1. #1
    Registered User anotherburden's Avatar
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    Lack of motivation due to family problems

    Hello everyone!
    I'm girl and feel really bad about writting this but I can't cope anymore. I don't want to live like everyone else so I'm aiming for something big (it's connected with sport). Anyway my motivation is great when my dad is not drinking but when he does... let me just tell u; when he's drinking i want to die. When he's drunk he acts really mean and constantly tells bull**** and makes promises only to break them later. I'm also afraid that when he's drunk he will tell something painfull to my mother and they'll be arguing. I can't even look at him when he's like this. I'm living in no-ending stress. I'm stressing about if he'll be drinking today, if he'll tell something bad, if my parents will fight... I told him that drinking is hurting me and he stopped for 2 days, but he was acting horrible during these days, he was angry and demotivating as well, oh and he barely talked to me. It's like he talks to me when he's drunk. -.- He's drinking beer and it's maybe because of the fact that he's educated but battling with job through all his life. Maybe this made him like this, I don't know. The only thing I know is I'm dying. I've battled with eating disorders, but now i'm trying to beat ED's ass (I'm doing it for my sport) and I find myself having suicidal thoughts and this thing is with me everyday lately. I've also cut myself for sometime but I'm trying not to do that again which by the way it's very hard to do but I'm harder than this. Because all of those things my motivation is disappearing and I don't even see any future for myself now, maybe besides hell. I hate myself and I'm blaming myself for everything and want to apologize everyone for the fact that I was born and for everything. Someone has been in similar situation? I need help with finding motivation to training and life. Sorry for wasting your time, but i hope someone will help me. Thanks for reading anyway.
    Last edited by anotherburden; 12-26-2012 at 11:04 AM.
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  2. #2
    Registered User jndietz's Avatar
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    You need to build up your self esteem. Ending your massive wall of text with "Sorry for wasting your time," just screams "I'm a piece of crap," Next, don't let other peoples' problems become your problems. Finally, get real help with your eating disorder--therapy. It probably stems from the verbal abuse you get from your father.

    I think a big first step would be to cut off contact with him, unless of course, you live there. In that case, you need to move out.

    Set yourself short term goals (move out, go to school, train for sport, etc), and make them happen. It's up to you, not the rest of the world.
    Be kind; everyone is in the midst of a struggle.
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  3. #3
    Registered User anotherburden's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jndietz View Post
    You need to build up your self esteem. Ending your massive wall of text with "Sorry for wasting your time," just screams "I'm a piece of crap," Next, don't let other peoples' problems become your problems. Finally, get real help with your eating disorder--therapy. It probably stems from the verbal abuse you get from your father.

    I think a big first step would be to cut off contact with him, unless of course, you live there. In that case, you need to move out.

    Set yourself short term goals (move out, go to school, train for sport, etc), and make them happen. It's up to you, not the rest of the world.
    The problem is that when he's sober I love him (and everything would be so much easier if i would not) and can't move out because i'm 16. Yeah, I have some problems with self esteem... Thanks for advice, I really appreciate your help! I'll work on cutting myself off other's problems.
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  4. #4
    Registered User HotSummerNights's Avatar
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    I don't really know exactly what to say.... right now you have a lot of negativity with someone in your life (your father) and there's not a lot you can do to change the say he is, its something he has to do for himself. However, the way you feel about him is under completely your control. Now, this may sound kinda weird but the way to let go of emotional resistance/negativity/beliefs is just to feel them. I know it sounds weird (scary even) but everything that you feel that is bad inside of you is in the past (even if it was only a nanosecond ago).


    now this is something I found in a book that I thought might help you. I'm not spamming but the books called the Sedona Method. but heres the part I thought might help. Its kind of an advanced technique but hey, might as well try.

    first thing you do is picture the person you want to release on (in this case your pops)

    and this is a feeling process, just try to feel whats going on with as little thought as possible and answer yes or no for the questions

    Did this person try to control you? (or did it feel that way?)

    allow yourself to feel whatever you feel

    if so, coud you let go of wanting to control them back?



    did you try to control this person? (or did it feel that way? )


    could you just let go for now of wanting to control this person?

    just a simple yes or no will do. if you answer no, its fine.


    do you grant this person the right to be the way this person is?
    this question is simply a dicision.

    if you find it hard to say yes, try going through all the questons again until you can honestly say yes.



    thers two other parts to the thing, but its too long to type out. but the basic questions you ask are

    what am I feeling right now
    could I let it go?
    would I?
    when? (now)

    and just answer yes or no. and let go as best you can.





    and if your serisouly suicidal (like have a plan and can actually carry it out) you gotta go talk to a doctor. they'll put you in a hospital for a little bit (it isn't all that bad, basically you're in a group home with kids just like you and you guys just hang out all day :P ) but no, seriously, if you have a plan and can acttualy kill youself you gotta get help.


    hope you feel better and I'm sorry you had to go through all this v_v
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  5. #5
    Registered User HotSummerNights's Avatar
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    honest to god, if you just try to get rid of him and ignore the problem, it'll just carry itself into other parts of your life. stuff like poor posture, bouts of depressions, problems with self esteem and confidence, and basically every time you see another alcahoic man your gonna automatically project everything you have towards your father towards that one person.

    if you can get along with your dad and love him no matter what, you'll a lot better. I can't say he'll magically get better, but you'll definitely feel better about him and yourself
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  6. #6
    Registered User anotherburden's Avatar
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    So I should build up my confidence and live my own life at the present. I should feel feelings and deal with them. I find it really helpful living one day at a time - like it'd be the end of the world the next day. @HotSummerNights Big thanks for sharing this technique, it works.
    Originally Posted by HotSummerNights View Post
    honest to god, if you just try to get rid of him and ignore the problem, it'll just carry itself into other parts of your life. stuff like poor posture, bouts of depressions, problems with self esteem and confidence, and basically every time you see another alcahoic man your gonna automatically project everything you have towards your father towards that one person.

    if you can get along with your dad and love him no matter what, you'll a lot better. I can't say he'll magically get better, but you'll definitely feel better about him and yourself
    I'm battling with this. I mean when I see someone with alcohol I feel every-damn thing as I feel towards my dad when he's drunk. I'm trying also be far away from someone who likes to drink. My friends are thinking that it's cool when they're drunk but I don't see it that way and they think i'm weird but i don't want to waste my life like alcoholics. I don't know what to say and I know I shouldn't but I want to say sorry for venting so much.
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  7. #7
    Registered User madhattermike's Avatar
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    I'm really sorry you're going through all this... It's awesome you've been able to get this far and keep the ED at bay but you have so much to deal with. Have you seen a good therapist? Honestly I think the best thing you can do is find a good therapist that works with EDs and teens to work through the root of the problems you're having. It's great you have a goal to accomplish something sports related but first, you need to fix yourself and be healthy emotionally. And I really really hope you don't try to do it alone.

    And try to remember that NONE of this is your fault and it's not a waste of anyone's time.
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  8. #8
    Registered User anotherburden's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by madhattermike View Post
    I'm really sorry you're going through all this... It's awesome you've been able to get this far and keep the ED at bay but you have so much to deal with. Have you seen a good therapist? Honestly I think the best thing you can do is find a good therapist that works with EDs and teens to work through the root of the problems you're having. It's great you have a goal to accomplish something sports related but first, you need to fix yourself and be healthy emotionally. And I really really hope you don't try to do it alone.

    And try to remember that NONE of this is your fault and it's not a waste of anyone's time.
    Unfortunately I don't have money for therapists. However it's not that bad cuz there is internet and a lot of recovered people giving advice and sharing their experiences. I've already had few relapses but I've beaten it by myself and I will keep fighting no matter what (i hope)! Your last sentence made my day, because my mind is telling me opposite, so it's always good to hear someone giving hope. Thanks so much!
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  9. #9
    Registered User Willnotquit's Avatar
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    Fake it till you make it man. Get a job, so you'll be out at least part time out of your day and when you come home your Dad will be knocked out sleeping, with school and a job, you can probably afford your own food, join a gym and avoid your Dad without offending him, you can also start saving up to move out as well etc.

    And, personally, if your Dad treats you like crap, just learn to become numb to that ****, I've learned in life, people don't care about you much generally, the only one to care for you is yourself, just do what's best for you.
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  10. #10
    Registered User the.jza's Avatar
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    you're dealing with some very serious issues. it seems like you're trying your best to do better, but you're also in a bad situation. like others have said, you likely need to seek professional help. it sounds like you don't want to be at home with your dad because he could get drunk, but you also don't want to leave your dad at home with your mom.

    is there anything positive the two of you could do together, outside the house? this could help promote your sober relationship, and keep your mom safe from any abuse. something as simple as going to the gym together, and spending as much time there as possible to keep him away from drinks. if your dad refuses to leave the house, is the gym a safe haven for you, at least?

    confronting your dad about alcohol abuse would be very difficult, but is likely the ultimate solution. you said he's tried to give it up, and lasted 2 days. perhaps trying to get him to do it again, and positively encouraging him would help?

    whatever happens, suicide isn't the answer. you sound like a strong person, so don't give up. this forum, as weird as it sounds, is actually full of good people. just stay away from the misc lol (not srs. srs)
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  11. #11
    Registered User anotherburden's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by the.jza View Post
    you're dealing with some very serious issues. it seems like you're trying your best to do better, but you're also in a bad situation. like others have said, you likely need to seek professional help. it sounds like you don't want to be at home with your dad because he could get drunk, but you also don't want to leave your dad at home with your mom.

    is there anything positive the two of you could do together, outside the house? this could help promote your sober relationship, and keep your mom safe from any abuse. something as simple as going to the gym together, and spending as much time there as possible to keep him away from drinks. if your dad refuses to leave the house, is the gym a safe haven for you, at least?

    confronting your dad about alcohol abuse would be very difficult, but is likely the ultimate solution. you said he's tried to give it up, and lasted 2 days. perhaps trying to get him to do it again, and positively encouraging him would help?

    whatever happens, suicide isn't the answer. you sound like a strong person, so don't give up. this forum, as weird as it sounds, is actually full of good people. just stay away from the misc lol (not srs. srs)
    No matter how much we are outside - when we come back he drinks. Like today, we were on family trip and it was great and i was hoping that he's changing, my motivation for sport/life was incredible and I should say that he didn't drunk yesterday... so just like a dream, but... when we came back he said something like ''so now maybe some beer''. It has pissed me off! As well as the thing that he told my mum that he won't be drinking (just like always). Anyway my parents started arguing and my motivation disappeard. Now I just don't see any point in life and it's very serious I suppose, because I missed my workout and I haven't done something like this for the past few months. Anyway now it's evening here and dad is drunk and he's not seeing any problem acting like a dumbass and my mum is very angry, mad, sad, in pain etc. and she's telling hurtful comments and she is really poor and I hate myself for the fact that she's hurting. I just can't see any light and I'm scared that I gave up on myself and my future. My stomach is hurting due to stress and I wish something would happen to me. Sorry for writing this here, but I don't even have anyone to talk to.
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