Other people's success

[mimitaco]

Do you ladies ever feel other people's success sometimes makes you feel inadequate about your own?

Let me post my example.

I live with my boyfriend and we both decided to get strict and jump on the fat loss train again. Ate healthy, went to the gym, etc. We were doing great and we were both losing weight. He lost more and more quickly than I. I lost no where near as much as he did in the same amount of time. It went to myself losing 8 while he lost around 30. Guys and gals lose weight differently, I know, but Jesus man.

I had a membership and he was my guest but since he got his own and started seeing his weight loss he's gone to the gym twice as much as I for twice as long, mostly lifting. Anyways, we've gone to buy him new clothes for his new figure and I complement him all the time because of how great he looks, as do others. I'm still on the track of fitting properly into clothes that fit me super tight.

I know I have come a short ways from where I used to be and improvement really is what matters but sh*t, we all know how great it feels to be asked if you've lost weight! I do feel a bit discouraged when we are together and I'm still a little on my plumper side while he's slimmed down and all we hear is about how he's changed.

Maybe it is a little rant and there's a bit of envy because I know how much work I've done as well but I just wanted to know if there's anyone that has been in a similar boat as myself. I love my mate and I applaud his change but damn it I'd like to be a bit selfish and get some credit too. It doesn't help when it's all I hear from him either and I feel like that lady in the slim quick commercials LOL.


Cliffs-

Bf and I make plan to get healthy

His goes much better, much quicker than mine

Feeling left out b/c we only hear about his achievements while mine are the Thomas the Train of his Usain Bolt



For your time.
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[SultanaK]

I feel this way about most aspects of my life.

[EllenRipley]

I just couldn't give ANY advice on this because I have EXTREME problems with envy and jealousy - from body weight to boyfriends and babies to cell phones and T Shirts...
Insecurity, I guess... And people find me very self confident - what a joke! lol

[mimitaco]

It's obviously not healthy to be envious or jealous but I do get a daily reminder of how far we've progressed since we live together. Our bodies are different so I know they're going to respond differently.

I guess we just have to take it as little wins and just try and push over the losses.

For example, my S.O. were at the gym running on the treadmill the other day (we both absolutely suck at running btw) and we ran about 10 min or so before he stopped and I kept on for another 15. It was f*cking hell since I'm not used to it and afterwards I speed walked to the restroom b/c I didn't know if I was going to poop myself or throw up from how much of an effect that run had on me haha
But I felt as if I won the gym sesh that day

[HipAlbatross]

I got down to 146 lbs back in 2010 due to weight lifting. My best friend and I had drifted apart and she admitted to me later she was jealous of the fact that I had lost all this weight and she was pregnant and was gaining weight. At the time I didn't really get it, and she has zero motivation to lose the weight she gained to this day.

In 2011 I got pregnant and my overweight SIL suddenly started losing weight. She looked great and here I was pregnant, 18 lbs above my lowest weight at the time of the positive test (wasn't lifting) and gained another 60 during pregnancy. Then I understood it a little better, and it motivated me even more to lose the weight.

So yes, I understand in a sense, just never tried to lose weight at the same time as someone I was close to!

I think you are doing this the right way, using it as motivation to push yourself harder. Use it as motivation to eat better. Eventually everyone will be talking about you We do have similar stats, and just to let you know when I went from 194 to 146 no one noticed or complimented me until I had got down into the 150's. Think of yourself as a roll of paper towel, each piece that comes off doesn't make a big difference, but as the roll gets smaller each piece removed is a way bigger difference!

[firely]

Feeling inferior can be great. I wouldn't have any motivation to improve if I hadn't sank to a place of sheer self-loathing after a sudden reality check that I had become the kind of person I frequently look down upon and that, in fact, most people were better than me and I had no reasons to convince myself otherwise. So I am creating reasons to be equal or better to the people I respect. And you have already shown that it is making you push harder. Though I'm not sure if it's healthy to push yourself out of envy, but better to push yourself out of a more introspective desire to be better that disregards other people's progress (which can be found through envy, but the envy needs to be left behind somewhere). You might be dwelling too much? Also, your bf sounds like he could be more supportive and respectful in this situation. You need to give him a kick up the bum somehow.

[Ma110W]

I'm jealous of my husbands muscle mass and his will power to only eat healthy. Do I let it get to me? No. He trained for years (bodybuilding and eating right) before I ever started. Also, he's a man and will always be more muscular than me. I know that if I want my body to change I have to dedicate my time to training and eating right. If I mess up, it's my own fault and not his, so I have no reason to really be jealous of him. In fact, I really just admire the living hell out of him.

Try not to let your significant others success get you down. Also, put yourself in his shoes. You might be hurting his feelings by being so selfish. He's worked hard to lose that weight, and he deserves praise from you even if you wish that you had done better in comparison to him.

[wakechica]

Don't compare yourself to him; boys have testosterone and little estorgen, things just happen quicker and they get bigger quicker. Life's not fair. Just keep plugging away and enjoy YOUR successes. Take photos to track your progress, I've stopped worrying too much about what I look like and have focused my efforts more to improving in the gym - adding a couple of kgs to a lift for example. I then discover because I'm pushing myself so much more I've actually lost so weight and some fat too boot as well.

Just keep complimenting him and don't let this get in the way; feeding his ego guarantees you'll be left with a total hottie like you posted under your text... what could be wrong with that?!

[LaDonnaMF]

I like that you got a little competitive with it - try and push yourself to do the same/more than him. We have to work harder to get results then men... that's just the way it is. Don't focus on what you HAVEN'T lost.. focus on what you have! 8lbs is great!!

[mimitaco]

HipAlbatross

I love your analogy! That same night that I posted this my S.O. and I were talking and he was just being hard on himself about how he needs to tighten up some more. Of course we are our own worst enemies and I was thinking to myself, "holy sh*t I was just talking about how far he's come!" Totally related to that paper roll analogy. Can't really see the change much as we go along but once we've come a significant amount you really see all that's become of you.


firely
The best way I can think of feeling low can help me grow is just that...it shows me how much more I can move up. I agree on how you say he can try and encourage me here or there but I think that when a compliment is given out of complete genuineness...it just makes it so much better. A job well done pat is always great, but an ass is looking tighter bum smack can sometimes be better, in my opinion Lol.


wakechica
Yes! Men have that testosterone thing that makes it so they get to their goals so much more easily! Not nagging on anyone's hard work here but percentage wise, they do in fact gain or lose more. Just a fact I'm going to have to get over Jack. My losses will come later but nonetheless, they will come.

He was saying we have to celebrate an accomplishment coming up soon. He is soon to be down in the 220's, something he said that through all his years of dieting and gaining he's never done. I'm so proud of him and with that I think I need to apply a more emotional attachment to my weight loss. Something a little more for my inner self. I exercise to be healthy because I am so genetically predisposed to so many things in my family but more than anything, I want to be able to wear shorts in the summer.

And yes, I got beef cake on my hands. Now I'm not the only one that notices....and I love it


LaDonnaMF
Yes ma'am 8lbs is awesome. I notice my knees aren't creaking as much when I squat down to pick something up and my levi's are getting easier to button!


Ma110W
One thing that we were both brought up with that was different was our physically active nature. He was raised in sports, baseball and football mostly and was even drafted for baseball at one point! He knows what to do and how hard to push himself so that his body will respond. I on the other hand have always led a more sedentary life with about 8yrs of Folklorico but that's nothing near his level. I'm still trying to learn my boundaries and how far I can push them. I believe I just wanted to self loathe and there's nothing wrong, I realize though that we all have to start somewhere! The most important thing is that we're starting, right!


Reps ladies.

[itsagoodday]

Congratulations to both of you on the lifestyle change and hard work! That having been said...

He lost more and more quickly than I. I lost no where near as much as he did in the same amount of time.

he's gone to the gym twice as much as I for twice as long

I suspect those two things have something to do with each other. Differences in boys and girls aside, if one person puts in twice as much work as another, I would expect to see differences in their results. That does not mean you have to run on a treadmill until you puke. Get on a solid program and stick with it, the results will come. Best of luck to you!

[natasor]

[LaDonnaMF

Sorry, mimitaco. This is our mother nature made us so hard-to-loose-weight, we're women. In most of us the metabolism set this way. our mate can lay back and relax while you run like crasy and he will loose weight and woman just keeps gaining weight. It is not fair. This is women part, to stay slim, you have to eat about 1/2 of what your mate eats and train about the same with same intencity. If you're not going to have kids anymore you can afford to do it.
Remember, that the loosing weight is made on the kitchen, not in the gym. Intence axercise only helps with your fat lost goal, but any fit model can tell you that 90% of fat lost is part of the diet, AKA calorie restriction. Try this approach

[foresail]

Op, you're short. I'm not much taller at 5'4". If we were the same weight, you would appear to be heavier than me. If we both gained 10 lbs of fat, you would appear to have gained more. If we both lost 10 lbs of fat, you would appear to have lost less. That's the curse of being short. The difference is more pronounced when comparing against someone even taller who was probably heavier and has lost significantly more.

Profile shows you gained 8 lbs. Perhaps it was a gain of 16 minus 8. Some folks like me are slow to give weight-loss compliments to (other) women. If mistakenly done during an upswing, she commonly goes off into a rant. I typically wait until the face/neck starts leaning out, or she specifically mentions about losing X lbs/sizes.

From your BF's perspective, you may appear to be at a standstill because: 1) you're much shorter 2) he's losing at a faster pace. Announce your losses to him as they occur. Don't try on super tight clothes in front of him because they'll give the appearance you've regained weight.

For me, I've always viewed other people's success as inspirational. Being very competitive yet realistic, I know men have a clear advantage when it comes to losing weight and gaining muscle/strength. The average guy though is typically less flexible than the average gal. If in need of an ego boost, try taking some yoga classes with him.

[aerieangel]

If anything, it motivates me to work even harder... I applaud those that are successful, because it usually takes a lot of hard work and dedication to be successful. It is an inspiration more than anything, because I know how wonderful the results can be (:

Just keep working at it and do your best to not get discouraged. Think about how good you will feel when you reach your target goals. Good luck (:

[acrawlingchaos]

I just wanted to clear one thing up. There is no reason for you to not lose weight at the same rate that your s.o. did. While yes there are biological differences that may make muscle gain easier for men, weight loss is pretty similar between the sexes. I don't want you to short change yourself into thinking that the crawl down is something that you just have to endure.

Re-evaluate your diet. Best of Luck.

[yummycow]

I work with a lot of men, many of them older and married, and when they decide to get healthy with their spouse this almost always happens. The woman doesn't lose as fast and they get jealous and sometimes angry. Most of the guys I work with don't really know how to respond to this situation. I can tell it makes them uncomfortable and some of them even stop their diet just so the wife can catch up.

You seem to be dealing with it quite well considering the way I've seen other women act.

I know it's easier said than done but be happy for him and enjoy his success.