A woman in dating

[choob83]

Lol the one thing I find so entertaining about this thread is just hearing about how many socially retarded guys you seem to bump into. Normal men don't behave like this.. so I do feel a bit of sympathy for you OP.

This has just highlighted why I'll never get involved with online dating. I think anyone with social skills will be able to find people through other avenues. I do understand that it's a good opportunity for people who don't have those other avenues for meeting new people.. it just looks as though you're going to have to weed through a lot of weirdos until you find someone like-minded. Only thing I'll say is just walk away if you feel uncomfortable. There's no need to put up with idiots if they're not what you want.

[happywithit]

Lol the one thing I find so entertaining about this thread is just hearing about how many socially retarded guys you seem to bump into. Normal men don't behave like this.. so I do feel a bit of sympathy for you OP.

This has just highlighted why I'll never get involved with online dating.

The majority but not all my dating is done online. I think dating is difficult for everyone. I'm glad to hear there are normal men out there.

Some of the comments leave me to believe men think I deserve nothing than to be raped because I'm a mother. Wasn't so long ago women were burned at the stake or drowned, now I'm nothing more than a vagina worth abusing.

Maybe taking those posts out of context a little, but only a little. You are one of a few 'normal' men. Believe me.
And I doubt I'm the only woman that experiences this kind of behaviour. I bet a hell of a lot of women would say they have experienced pressure or unwanted touching on a date.

[BEARDofNORRIS]

The majority but not all my dating is done online. I think dating is difficult for everyone. I'm glad to hear there are normal men out there.

Some of the comments leave me to believe men think I deserve nothing than to be raped because I'm a mother. Wasn't so long ago women were burned at the stake or drowned, now I'm nothing more than a vagina worth abusing.

Maybe taking those posts out of context a little, but only a little. You are one of a few 'normal' men. Believe me.
And I doubt I'm the only woman that experiences this kind of behaviour. I bet a hell of a lot of women would say they have experienced pressure or unwanted touching on a date.

Jeez...I really don't want to make you any more neurotic - but please think for yourself. All you have to judge this guy (choob83) on is one post, but because he said something that you wanted to hear, you believe that he's "one of a few normal men." Maybe he is, but you don't know him well enough to judge him on it. The word "fickle" comes to mind. Just like when you were originally annoyed by the doctor because of the texts, without considering he had a good reason for doing it...don't be so quick to jump to conclusions.

And this thread is really enlightening....I've been with women like you who only seem to think in extremes and play victim - like guys are either Prince Charming or a rapist. "Oh, he didn't tell me he loved me today. He must be cheating on me!" Lighten up, for f*ck sake. Maybe take a walk from point A to point B instead of jumping from A to Z.

I'm just trying to inject a little reality into your thought process...

Here are the basic types of guys you're going to meet on the dating scene:

1. "Players" - Guys who just want to have sex with you, and know just what to do/say to make it happen. These are the guys who get laid the most. Have lots of options. Least likely to stick around after they f*ck you, and if they do - they're the most likely to cheat on you.
2. Guys who just want to have sex with you, but don't know what they're doing - so they try to act like guy 1. (Sounds like you've met a couple already)
3. Guys who really want a relationship, but have learned from experience that being themselves/nice/romantic doesn't get girls.....so they try to act like guy 1. These guys might get lucky and meet a good woman in the process, but will probably end up turning into guy 2.
4. "Nice" guys who want sex or a relationship, and genuinely try to be themselves or just try to be nice, romantic, patient and honest...the things they were told women want. This rarely works unless the guy is of higher value than the girl, or she's just looking for a provider. These guys could get lucky, could get used and abused, but will probably end up turning into guy 2 or 3.

Then there are the guys who are genuinely high-value, attractive, good guys....they have tons of options. If they want to be in a relationship, they are. If they just want sex, they'll have it. You won't meet them on dating sites, and they probably won't be interested in you.

Guy 4 would probably be the most patient and eager to please. Would probably be honest, wouldn't want to play games, wouldn't make up excuses...but you'll think he's weak and/or boring. You probably won't talk to him...which is why he'll eventually change.
Guy 3 could be good for you, but when he gets comfortable he'll probably revert to his old self and you'll start to lose interest. After you cheat on him or leave him, he'll turn into guy 2.
Guy 2 - you'll probably end up sleeping with these guys the most (only because guy 1 won't be willing to wait long enough), if you ever open up. There's a chance they'll stick around if they think you're worth it. They're not natural players...so they'll eventually let their guard down and maybe revert into guy 3 or 4 until you leave them, then they'll become a 2 again.
Guy 1 is naturally good with women and will probably be talking to multiple girls at the same time. You'll think he really likes you and is exactly what you're looking for. He'll always tell you the things you want to hear and have good cover stories. These are the kind of guys that you will be chasing or constantly thinking about. You'll think he's a great guy until he gets tired of f*cking you and leaves - or you catch him cheating on you....and that's why all the other guys try to act like him.

Take it or leave it.

[Granrey]

beard nailed

[happywithit]

So surgeon Guy has gone to work over in L.A. for a month, training. He sent a text message; Looking forward to seeing you again, when I get back. xx
Me; Have a safe trip. x

Wasn't really sure what to put, after his full on-ness on our first date....

Anyway, haven't really checked my messages this week, and didn't hear back off Doctor guy. Busy as hell because I may have a business opportunity I can't refuse so I'm not even thinking about dating right now, plus, in this weather, over here, I just want to sit in front of the fire with my big cup of hot chocolate with squirty cream. The last thing I want to do in freezing weather is drag myself out of a warm cosy house in to the freezing cold and date more odd-bods. A few of my girlfriends have said the same too. They just don't want to leave their house at the moment, so they aren't logging in. So, it seems the weather really does play a part in love after all! (Something my mum always said, you will be more willing in a good climate. Damn, I'm going to have to move... )

May check my messages mid-week.

I haven't mentioned to the doc couple that I had a bad date with Surgeon Guy. Best not go there with them.

The guy that I see in the morning walking my son to nursery, well, we just smile now. No more 'Hi's.


One thing I find bizarre.
Guy's don't trust guys's it would seem.
Just seem's that every guy thinks that every other guy has an ulterior motive. It's interesting. Very interesting....this goes for real life also.

[reinsdorfsucks]

Just seem's that every guy knows that every other guy has an ulterior motive.

I fixed it for you.

[StrongTower7]

I'm so confused right now, want to bang my head against a wall.
Where do u find these guys? Or do u take everything they say and blow it way outa proportion? I vote #2
Anyway..I think I need a break from all this crazy.. good read tho, I think...

[happywithit]

I fixed it for you.

Lol, I see that.

I'm so confused right now, want to bang my head against a wall.
Where do u find these guys? Or do u take everything they say and blow it way outa proportion? I vote #2
Anyway..I think I need a break from all this crazy.. good read tho, I think...

Lol, thanks, but as for 'crazy'.... I much prefer a description, used before, 'sweetly insane' .


Over a period of about three months I have sent messages to this one guy. He messaged me mentioning a couple of my interests in my profile, and immediately asked to meet for coffee.

When I viewed his own profile, he was looking for long/short term, friendship, casual sex, a whole list of things. Most emphasis on finding friends.

Anyway I replied
'Thanks for you're message, you've obviously checked my profile, glad you liked it.... I assume, since you're messaging.
However, I think it might be appropriate to mention, that your looking for casual sex, could find you meeting.... possibly the wrong sort of 'lady'. Anyway good luck, but I wouldn't be interested in meeting for a coffee.'

He replied,
'Well I hadn't really put much thought into what I'm looking for so ticked all boxes, but on a side note, you seem well educated.Would I be right? (strange question) Anyway, you shouldn't be offended by what I'm looking for, since you have no interest anyway'

Me:

'Yes, indeed I am well educated, but only due to my paying full attention to every teacher, in every lesson.... when the world outside the window, didn't look as exciting as the world within the classroom, that is. Is there any reason to your questioning my education?

It is extremely assumptious of you to consider my mentioning your intents, as my being offended.

I mention it, because I'm simply not interested in it. And think many women would be put off by it. After all, if I wish you luck, then I might just as well give you friendly advice.'

Any way, we have passed messages. He is looking for friendship, due to just being out of a LTR.

Basically, I don't find him particularly physically attractive, but we exchange entertaining messages, and we have similar hobbies/interests. He is not however, an active person.

Well basically we have agreed to meet for a friendly coffee.
He doesn't want to date me, and knowing his intents and not finding him so attractive, I don't want to date him, and well, we have found other interests we have, so, yeah, I think he probably would make a good friend.

Anyway, this will be interesting. I haven't given him my phone number. It will be different.

[BEARDofNORRIS]

Yeah...I'm not going to say anything else. At this point, I'm routing for the guys. Surely one of these guys has a trojan penis that he'll be able to sneak past your defenses and unload his troops...

[happywithit]

^^^^ Someone will, someone HAS to, for my health, surely?



I messaged a guy I'd say a few weeks ago. Anyway, he asked for my number, but I said we should message each other first, anyway, it was becoming a pain messaging so I gave him my number, but he didn't text. This was like a week ago. I thought nothing of it, just because we don't have much messaging going on between us, but anyhow, tonight he messages me, with HIS number! I mean, this obviously means he has received my message with my phone number, so why didn't he text?

I'm wondering if it's the same reason I don't want to text him first (I have forgotten what his name is :/)

so I now feel like I have to message him something like....
'Thanks for the number, Oh, and what's your name?'

OMG! Here goes nothing.

[Granrey]

^^^^ Someone will, someone HAS to, for my health, surely?



I messaged a guy I'd say a few weeks ago. Anyway, he asked for my number, but I said we should message each other first, anyway, it was becoming a pain messaging so I gave him my number, but he didn't text. This was like a week ago. I thought nothing of it, just because we don't have much messaging going on between us, but anyhow, tonight he messages me, with HIS number! I mean, this obviously means he has received my message with my phone number, so why didn't he text?

I'm wondering if it's the same reason I don't want to text him first (I have forgotten what his name is :/)

so I now feel like I have to message him something like....
'Thanks for the number, Oh, and what's your name?'

OMG! Here goes nothing.

You get more interested the less interested he is? LOL

[happywithit]

You get more interested the less interested he is? LOL

Oh please give some advice. The last thing I want to call him is 'Oi' lol.

[happywithit]

Recovery made, I think. Awaiting a reply, but I asked him if he has ********. I hate adding to ********, but damn. What can I say? I had to get his name.




Bingo!
He replied immediately with his name. No more name worries from this point on.

[DrunkNinjaMastr]

Lol the one thing I find so entertaining about this thread is just hearing about how many socially retarded guys you seem to bump into. Normal men don't behave like this.. so I do feel a bit of sympathy for you OP.

This has just highlighted why I'll never get involved with online dating. I think anyone with social skills will be able to find people through other avenues. I do understand that it's a good opportunity for people who don't have those other avenues for meeting new people.. it just looks as though you're going to have to weed through a lot of weirdos until you find someone like-minded. Only thing I'll say is just walk away if you feel uncomfortable. There's no need to put up with idiots if they're not what you want.

Knowing this is how you can make a killing with online dating. You wouldn't believe how many stories I have heard of girls going out on dates with social retards. ****ing guys asking for a kiss at the end of the night. **** that ****! If it's a good night, I am making out with the girl at the bar, prepping her for the sexy time that's going to happen later. It doesn't always happen that way, but my theory is if the girl is turned off by the kiss she isn't really that into you anyways. Go for broke. Girls are horny, you are horny, get all the societal bull**** out of the way so you can get to ****ing.

[happywithit]

^^^^^Ergh!

[DrunkNinjaMastr]

^^^^^Ergh!

Yes, my comment was crass, but it was more directed towards the guys on this site. The point I was trying to make is that if you are a cool, confident, assertive guy, you can make an absolute killing on online dating sites. I read about half of this thread, and from what I can tell, you have had some absolute nightmare dates with very very antisocial weird dudes. My point is that guys who have had some success with dating in the real world, should absolutely be able to when it comes to online dating.

[Granrey]

Oh please give some advice. The last thing I want to call him is 'Oi' lol.

text him this: "and the quest for a real man continues............"

that's a dare.

[happywithit]

Well I was meant to meet for a coffee, the guy who I message occasionally. Well he couldn't meet up, and rescheduled for Saturday. This wasn't a problem for me, busy doing my tax returns so I have completed that anyway, with two days left before the deadline, phew.

The reason why he couldn't meet?

I am cringing, I swear I don't deliberately look for people in this profession, it just seems to be the way it happens, and these guys, they contact me....

so yeah he had a day off but the hospital called him in, and he is a doctor (cringing, because I keep attracting these medical professionals. God I hope they don't know my sons dad or something.)

I'm not sure what to call this one. I know very little about him, I hadn't realised he was in medicine (again, me not reading the profile, it does state it, having had a closer look) I think he is somewhere in his early 30's, I guess because I'm not so attracted, I'm not so interested. And then, because he isn't interested I'm not overly concerning myself with his life. Friendship ahoy!

Basically, he messages me, then I will reply a week few days/later. I have said to him, I want to prioritise people who are looking for the same as me, so I will get back to him when I can, which he has said he understands. It's all very laid back, which is good actually, I like laid back. So, how about......

Flaker Guy? (that puts him in a very bad light, but hey, he flaked).

The guy who's name I forgot, well some background on him......
He is a Christian, 29, seems to be looking for what I am looking for. Has mentioned he wants kids in future, which I do, and it probably sounds ridiculous, but yeah, I am more likely to message men who state they want kids, which actually, is very few on internet dating. Most write open/unsure, very few men will write yes. So I SEARCH for yes-ers, I avoid no-ers, and I may reply to open-ers if they contact me, but yes-ers I nearly always reply to and search for.

For me yes-ers have the edge because they seem to have thought about what they want, and obviously if they want kids, then they will want to settle, like myself. Yes possibly over analysing but that's a small part in who I chose to date.

(as for flaker guy, well, I really have absolutely no clue why I write to him, I guess I find his messages interesting, who knows.)

Well Christian guy accepted my ******** request, and I've had a browse through his profile. He has text me as well. I get the impression, he is not a full-on person, and won't be taking the initiative much, possibly shy. I don't know yet (this is fine by me, being an introvert and finding some people really tire me out, I like my own space to think and contemplate, however I do enjoy a guy taking the lead also). He seems to be in to being a Christian. Well, I'm not religious at all. It's not that I have prejudices against religions, I just don't have any thoughts or feelings about all that stuff, so even though I was Christened, I don't practice. I may take my son to church groups but that is for him to socialise rather than 'belief'. So I will refer to him as Christian Guy, oh, and he is very good looking.

[AlphaDog3]

I agree with the others in that you sound a little crazy with incredibly high standards. I hope no one would have that much spare time to troll like this.

You keep meeting doctors and they are not good enough for you, but would you even give a guy with a lower paying job a chance? No one is perfect and you will have to make some sacrifices somewhere. You have to decide what is most important to you (chemistry, looks, job, good person, etc). No one is going to have all those things.

[BeingPaid]

I agree with the others in that you sound a little crazy with incredibly high standards. I hope no one would have that much spare time to troll like this.

You keep meeting doctors and they are not good enough for you, but would you even give a guy with a lower paying job a chance? No one is perfect and you will have to make some sacrifices somewhere. You have to decide what is most important to you (chemistry, looks, job, good person, etc). No one is going to have all those things.

This.

No offense OP, but you're no 10/10. You need to be realistic when setting your standards.

[GinjaNinja85]

Is anyone really surprised that a woman who is online dating has high standards? Online dating is a complete ego booster for girls. Even a 4/10 girl gets 20 nice messages a day from men who are way out their league relationship wise, but will copy pasta a message on the off chance she might be down to fu*k.

All this just inflates the girls ego on a false assumption that she has lots of 'potential relationship' options. I guarantee, if someone cold approaches OP in the street, her standards would be completely different. That's just the way it is in online dating.

[happywithit]

I’m assuming that by lowering my standards, you guys are suggesting I drop my principles, and screw every man wanting to pop his D in me?

No, you’re OK. Yes I have dated guys (younger guy and Malta guy), on a much lower annual income than my own- a third lower, in fact. But unfortunately these guys show huge insecurities due to this, so I want someone who takes home a similar amount to myself each year.

However, just because a guy is a professional, doesn’t mean he isn’t smut.
I am not lowering my standards, on the basis, that I AM a single mum, and as a particularly good mother, I want the best man in my sons life, not the worst, of the worst.

It amuses me greatly that men think ‘well she is a single mum, she SHOULD lower her standards.’

I personally think, ‘if I’m inviting someone into my sons life…. He better be the best out there.’
I certainly won’t lower my expectations/standards BECAUSE I’m a single mother, hell no, that just makes me pickier, my standards simply got higher, all because I don’t want scum around my son.
And I have my own business, so I can suit my hours around my life, needs and requirements, hence why I set up my business in the first place. So on a side note, just like it takes seconds to send out copy pasta’s to hundreds of girls, it takes seconds to log an update on my dating thread.

I disregard people because they are disgusting and lack common decency, not because of their employment.

Anyway, I must thank you, because your comments urged me to cancel and reject the doctor looking for casual sex (get his end away with anything).
Also, I would be cautious of men just approaching randoms on the street and asking these random women for their number. I personally don’t see these types of men as relationship material. Just personal preference, and reasons.

[AlphaDog3]

I am not lowering my standards, on the basis, that I AM a single mum, and as a particularly good mother, I want the best man in my sons life, not the worst, of the worst.....

So, where is his father? In most instances, a father can be the best man in a child's life. You said he still sees him. Are they close?

Maybe it is a women's thing? My parents divorced and my Dad got remarried, while my Mom never did not. I don't think my Dad married her with #1 priority being she would be "best" for the kids, but rather what was best for him. If parents did what was best for the kids all the time they would probably have never divorced.

Maybe be more upfront about the sex issue and see how people respond. If you are going out with them after so many dates they will obviously think that is where the relationship is leading. If you want to take it slower tell them early into the relationship and see if they are still interested.

[happywithit]

I am looking for someone for me, but you can bet I am watching this mans’ moves like a hawk. If he is putting unnecessary pressure on me, then it is likely he will put unnecessary pressure on my son.
I am just watchful at his every move during this dating stage. Considering everything.
My sons’ father sees him regularly each week, and they have an incredibly strong bond. But still any other man invited in to his life, I would want a man who would have a positive influence in mine and my sons’ life.

My profile clearly states I take my time, and do things slowly. If a man decides to translate my own requirements in to his own twisted convenient thoughts, then that is beyond my control, but just because he is a plastic surgeon, wrapped up in his own smutty thoughts, misinterpreting my wants, that doesn’t mean I give him another opportunity to be smutty again.
It just means he is a smutty, disgusting, disrespectful, plastic surgeon.

[Violator009]

I agree with the others in that you sound a little crazy with incredibly high standards. I hope no one would have that much spare time to troll like this.

You keep meeting doctors and they are not good enough for you, but would you even give a guy with a lower paying job a chance? No one is perfect and you will have to make some sacrifices somewhere. You have to decide what is most important to you (chemistry, looks, job, good person, etc). No one is going to have all those things.

Op in a few years

[AlphaDog3]

.... It just means he is a smutty, disgusting, disrespectful, plastic surgeon.

He could very well be... but you told him you do naked squats in front of a mirror every morning. At that point, did you expect him to comment on your physical fitness routine and engage in a lengthy conversation about going below parallel on squats?

[choob83]

Yes, my comment was crass, but it was more directed towards the guys on this site. The point I was trying to make is that if you are a cool, confident, assertive guy, you can make an absolute killing on online dating sites. I read about half of this thread, and from what I can tell, you have had some absolute nightmare dates with very very antisocial weird dudes. My point is that guys who have had some success with dating in the real world, should absolutely be able to when it comes to online dating.

I agree with you on this ie. a man with normal social skills should have the upper-edge over the majority of guys online. I have a few issues with online dating though that mean it's very unlikely I'd ever use it:

1. The dynamic is totally skewed. I'm sure people have seen the countless experiments where people have compared the messages received by a semi-attractive girl in contrast to the equivalent male. Even OP has proved that women get inundated with messages - more than they can deal with. The problem with this is that a decent guy may get overlooked, purely because the woman has too many options to check through. This happens with women that aren't even that attractive.

2. This is a personal thing for me but I go after quality, not quantity. I don't believe hot, intelligent, fun girls (and this is a generalisation - I realise that and of course there are exceptions) need to use online dating since they should be getting enough attention in the real world. Therefore I don't believe the kind of girls I want are going to be that common online.

3. I don't believe I can make as much of an impact on a girl as I can in person. Even if by chance a girl does happen to respond to your messages, you're going to have to come up with something pretty damn witty that pushes her buttons to get a date arranged with her where as if you were to just march up to her in a bar or party or whatever, it's pretty much guaranteed she'll take notice of me. Again, for personal reasons, I like the thrill of approaching girls. I think that was probably down to being a very shy/insecure teenager - it feels good to have the confidence/ability to do it now.

However one thing I can't argue with is the sheer amount of opportunity online dating gives you. It definitely seems to give you access to a lot of women you wouldn't necessarily meet in day to day life. But then again, the majority of it is going to be trash so you're left searching for a diamond in the rough regardless, ha

BTW OP, why did you and your kid's father split up?

[happywithit]

He could very well be... but you told him you do naked squats in front of a mirror every morning. At that point, did you expect him to comment on your physical fitness routine and engage in a lengthy conversation about going below parallel on squats?

Even so, I didn't think that could be interpreted as 'here, put your hand on my penis won't you!?'

BTW OP, why did you and your kid's father split up?

I don't really like to go back to that time, I kind of moved on, but the short version? Because I trusted him!

[Granrey]

Op in a few years

LOL repped

[GinjaNinja85]

You sound like a good mum to be fair. I don't think you should lower your standards, I was just pointing out the realities of online dating. Try to widen your social circle though.