Eating Disorder Support Thread: Recovery in Numbers (2nd Edition)

[Chalky50]

"Love yourself unconditionally, just as you love those closest to you despite their faults."
Les Brown

[Chalky50]

If you hear a voice within you say "you cannot paint," then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.
Vincent Van Gogh

[nealbha]

My problem is that i love food (hahaha im 137 pounds xD), even when im at a caloric surplus im always thinking about what i want to eat!!
I hate it because it leads to changing what i wanna eat that day, spending extra time on MFP to change things around, and eventually messing up my calories and sometimes eating a shyt ton of food just because i feel like it...Iv had days where i eat like 4k for dinner just because.
How can i change/get rid of this mind set?
This is weird but a little while back before everyone figured out IIFYM i was doing great because i had that thought in my head that made everything else but the so called "clean" foods bad...Which made it easy for me to not think about wanting to eat other crap.

[ThousandEyes]

My problem is that i love food (hahaha im 137 pounds xD), even when im at a caloric surplus im always thinking about what i want to eat!!
I hate it because it leads to changing what i wanna eat that day, spending extra time on MFP to change things around, and eventually messing up my calories and sometimes eating a shyt ton of food just because i feel like it...Iv had days where i eat like 4k for dinner just because.
How can i change/get rid of this mind set?
This is weird but a little while back before everyone figured out IIFYM i was doing great because i had that thought in my head that made everything else but the so called "clean" foods bad...Which made it easy for me to not think about wanting to eat other crap.

I know how you feel, that's currently one of my issues I'm dealing with.

imo at 15 you should just eat a bunch and not worry about tracking cals. Just eat smart.

You're in you prime growing years and your hormones will put all that food to growth. I ate like a monster and stuffed my face through high school. I don't regret a moment of it.

[determined4000]

My problem is that i love food (hahaha im 137 pounds xD), even when im at a caloric surplus im always thinking about what i want to eat!!
I hate it because it leads to changing what i wanna eat that day, spending extra time on MFP to change things around, and eventually messing up my calories and sometimes eating a shyt ton of food just because i feel like it...Iv had days where i eat like 4k for dinner just because.
How can i change/get rid of this mind set?
This is weird but a little while back before everyone figured out IIFYM i was doing great because i had that thought in my head that made everything else but the so called "clean" foods bad...Which made it easy for me to not think about wanting to eat other crap.

Stop counting calories
you have years to be putting on muscle and growing and should never be shortchanging yourself
Your body has indeterminable needs at your age so counting is pointless
If you are hungry eat.
Enjoy healthy foods while incorporating treats
Enjoy your food and ore importantly life.
Life>diet

[bnp369]

A lot of people don't realize that ED's are much more of a mental disorder than a physical one. Sure I got up to a healthy weight, but without the right therapy, the thoughts to restrict are still there. I also feel myself slipping into bad habits again, and it sucks because I'm just really starting to build a foundation for lifting weights. I do well one day, but don't eat right the next and feel weak for my next workout.

Like I said in my previous post, I'm like 170 lbs now, and have a history with dieting to the extreme. I just think I have to make this 'cutting' known to someone else so they can tell me when to stop. I know I have to do it myself, but I just don't want to get really bad like I was.

And what would you say would be the ideal mindset to have for yourself? Another question, is it about the body or about the food?

[Christian220896]

And what would you say would be the ideal mindset to have for yourself? Another question, is it about the body or about the food?

First I'd like to thank Chalky for the kind words, they mean a lot to me. As for your questions, the 'ideal' mindset is to not think about eating and just do it, like a normal person. However, I want to gain strength and keeping track of what I eat is necessary for that.

Your other question is it's about both. I have this really stupid fear of some foods, but it has been going away in recent weeks.

Thanks for your replies as well, I really appreciate them. Also, I have been making some lift progress as well, so something must be going right!

[ShannonLagasse]

My problem is that i love food (hahaha im 137 pounds xD), even when im at a caloric surplus im always thinking about what i want to eat!!
I hate it because it leads to changing what i wanna eat that day, spending extra time on MFP to change things around, and eventually messing up my calories and sometimes eating a shyt ton of food just because i feel like it...Iv had days where i eat like 4k for dinner just because.
How can i change/get rid of this mind set?
This is weird but a little while back before everyone figured out IIFYM i was doing great because i had that thought in my head that made everything else but the so called "clean" foods bad...Which made it easy for me to not think about wanting to eat other crap.

Excellent that you notice it's a MINDSET. We become programmed through our habits, which are controlled by our beliefs. Find out what's holding you back in your mind. The big question to ask yourself is "WHY?": "Why am I eating so much?" "Why do I want to eat?" "How is this serving me?" "What do I get out of eating all this food?"

Dig past the first thing that might come to mind: "Because it tastes good." Ok, so, given that it tastes good, WHY are you still eating so much? Was there a time when you thought that you were going to have nothing to eat? Did you live in a family where, if you didn't eat it, someone else would? (It's happened to me, for sure!)

Good luck! You're on the right track!

[ShannonLagasse]

And what would you say would be the ideal mindset to have for yourself? Another question, is it about the body or about the food?

Beautiful! I love it! "Is it about the body or is it about the food?" What a way to frame it! :]

[bnp369]

First I'd like to thank Chalky for the kind words, they mean a lot to me. As for your questions, the 'ideal' mindset is to not think about eating and just do it, like a normal person. However, I want to gain strength and keeping track of what I eat is necessary for that.

Your other question is it's about both. I have this really stupid fear of some foods, but it has been going away in recent weeks.

Thanks for your replies as well, I really appreciate them. Also, I have been making some lift progress as well, so something must be going right!

I dealt with and am still dealing with the same thing, man. I would think about food all the time and I loved it. Eating would be almost like an "escape". I lost way too much weight because my mindset was "Hey, if I lose a lot of weight, I'll have an excuse to eat more!" Turned out I ended up being afraid to gain the weight back, so I'd turn to other "loopholes". But my friend, the real answer to my problem was not anything material or achieving anything specific, but rather let something ELSE fill me up rather than food. To find another source of comfort than food. Turns out that "thing" I was looking for in food was actually purpose and love. Both of which was given to me by Jesus Christ, and realizing his love for me. He's the one who rescued me from my eating disorder which was slowly killing me. His love took away my fear of food and "getting fat". Realizing that nothing in this life will matter once I'm in heaven with Him. That hope and assurance gave me what I needed to start my quest on putting weight back on and weightlifting (:

[bnp369]

Beautiful! I love it! "Is it about the body or is it about the food?" What a way to frame it! :]

Thank you (: Speaking from experience because for me, it was both. Not to say I still don't struggle mentally with it sometimes.

[texicus]

I dealt with and am still dealing with the same thing, man. I would think about food all the time and I loved it. Eating would be almost like an "escape". I lost way too much weight because my mindset was "Hey, if I lose a lot of weight, I'll have an excuse to eat more!" Turned out I ended up being afraid to gain the weight back, so I'd turn to other "loopholes". But my friend, the real answer to my problem was not anything material or achieving anything specific, but rather let something ELSE fill me up rather than food. To find another source of comfort than food. Turns out that "thing" I was looking for in food was actually purpose and love. Both of which was given to me by Jesus Christ, and realizing his love for me. He's the one who rescued me from my eating disorder which was slowly killing me. His love took away my fear of food and "getting fat". Realizing that nothing in this life will matter once I'm in heaven with Him. That hope and assurance gave me what I needed to start my quest on putting weight back on and weightlifting (:

I'm not religious by any means but the bolded is important for anyone reading this thread

there are other holes in life that food or control of food is being used to replace

[Christian220896]

I dealt with and am still dealing with the same thing, man. I would think about food all the time and I loved it. Eating would be almost like an "escape". I lost way too much weight because my mindset was "Hey, if I lose a lot of weight, I'll have an excuse to eat more!" Turned out I ended up being afraid to gain the weight back, so I'd turn to other "loopholes". But my friend, the real answer to my problem was not anything material or achieving anything specific, but rather let something ELSE fill me up rather than food. To find another source of comfort than food. Turns out that "thing" I was looking for in food was actually purpose and love. Both of which was given to me by Jesus Christ, and realizing his love for me. He's the one who rescued me from my eating disorder which was slowly killing me. His love took away my fear of food and "getting fat". Realizing that nothing in this life will matter once I'm in heaven with Him. That hope and assurance gave me what I needed to start my quest on putting weight back on and weightlifting (:

That is really deep man and I am very impressed. If I could rep you 1000 times, I would. Yes, living is far more important than food and weight. I'm gonna add you and send you a PM, hope you won't mind

[bnp369]

That is really deep man and I am very impressed. If I could rep you 1000 times, I would. Yes, living is far more important than food and weight. I'm gonna add you and send you a PM, hope you won't mind

Thank you (: Im new to the forum, so I was wondering what is "repping" and how do I do it?

[basketballman23]

I am doing bad in school this semester because I think I have a disorder. I am 99.9% sure I am anorexic. I measure out EVERYTHING I eat. I am 145 lbs and was 220 lbs. 3 years ago (bulked from 150 in 2006-2009). I have issues with eating and undereat everything and sometimes puke it back up because of eating too much (extra serving of chips or something). I am under my caloric limit everyday and I exercise 5-7x per week. My clothes don't fit anymore. my relatives think I am getting too skinny and am anorexic. I feel like I want to cry after eating a non-"clean" food. I have zero energy and feel like I have a cold all of the time. Sometime I don't go to class because I don't have the energy (attend about 95% of them). I feel like collapsing a lot of the time. I am 25 years old and 5'9 145 lbs. right now. I study for my classes but have an extremely hard time concentrating. What should I do?

[determined4000]

I am doing bad in school this semester because I think I have a disorder. I am 99.9% sure I am anorexic. I measure out EVERYTHING I eat. I am 145 lbs and was 220 lbs. 3 years ago (bulked from 150 in 2006-2009). I have issues with eating and undereat everything and sometimes puke it back up because of eating too much (extra serving of chips or something). I am under my caloric limit everyday and I exercise 5-7x per week. My clothes don't fit anymore. my relatives think I am getting too skinny and am anorexic. I feel like I want to cry after eating a non-"clean" food. I have zero energy and feel like I have a cold all of the time. Sometime I don't go to class because I don't have the energy (attend about 95% of them). I feel like collapsing a lot of the time. I am 25 years old and 5'9 145 lbs. right now. I study for my classes but have an extremely hard time concentrating. What should I do?

1. seek professional medical and psychological help
you should be able to see a counserlor for free if you're in college
2. Eat more-yes it sounds simple but it is the truth
tthis will fix so much and as you start to feel better your mind will clear up and you will think better
3. Expand food choices
food wont kill you but not eating it will

[ErikTheElectric]

I am doing bad in school this semester because I think I have a disorder. I am 99.9% sure I am anorexic. I measure out EVERYTHING I eat. I am 145 lbs and was 220 lbs. 3 years ago (bulked from 150 in 2006-2009). I have issues with eating and undereat everything and sometimes puke it back up because of eating too much (extra serving of chips or something). I am under my caloric limit everyday and I exercise 5-7x per week. My clothes don't fit anymore. my relatives think I am getting too skinny and am anorexic. I feel like I want to cry after eating a non-"clean" food. I have zero energy and feel like I have a cold all of the time. Sometime I don't go to class because I don't have the energy (attend about 95% of them). I feel like collapsing a lot of the time. I am 25 years old and 5'9 145 lbs. right now. I study for my classes but have an extremely hard time concentrating. What should I do?

You obviously recognize that you have a problem. So well done, for some this is the hardest step. It seems that you've "stepped over the line" as far as trying to catch the Eating Disorder in its earlier stages from progressing to the extremes. I can only say that professional help should be your main priority right now.
Eating Disorders are life threatening disorders that kill many each year, you're already exhibiting/performing behaviors that could take your life at any moment which is why I suggested you seek help ASAP.
- Purging can lead to heart stopping
- Purging rots your teeth
- Purging can rip your eso****us
- Etc

So, a wide variety of things can happen from this. So please seek help, before this consumes your entire life and you further spiral downward.
Something to maybe think about, If you measure/weigh everything you eat, exercise 5-7x per week, and live how YOU "think" is "healthy".. then.. does a "healthy person" purge, exercise nonstop, restrict themselves to "clean" foods, and under eat?

Best of luck

[CasualJr]

Hey,

Basically I don't eat enough.. I probably get little over 750 calories a day. I try to gain weight but I just hate eating, it's like a chore to me and I hate chores so just avoid it, it's stupid and crazy I know I just don't like to eat. Also when I do eat I tend to leave at least half of what ever it is as I always seem full and just lose interest in the food. The only food I do seem to like is cereal which I basically used to live off.. Bad I know.

What I'm seeking is maybe some advice on how I could over come this and start eating more as potentially its the problem that's keeping me at the size I am now. I currently weigh in at 148.4lbs and am around 5'10.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks.

[bballbrett5]

Hey,

Basically I don't eat enough.. I probably get little over 750 carbs a day. I try to gain weight but I just hate eating, it's like a chore to me and I hate chores so just avoid it, it's stupid and crazy I know I just don't like to eat. Also when I do eat I tend to leave at least half of what ever it is as I always seem full and just lose interest in the food. The only food I do seem to like is cereal which I basically used to live off.. Bad I know.

What I'm seeking is maybe some advice on how I could over come this and start eating more as potentially its the problem that's keeping me at the size I am now. I currently weigh in at 148.4lbs and am around 5'10.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks.

Unless you mistyped and meant to put "calories" when you put "carbs", this isn't an eating disorder. Just create a thread in the nutrition section below or something.

[CasualJr]

Unless you mistyped and meant to put "calories" when you put "carbs", this isn't an eating disorder. Just create a thread in the nutrition section below or something.

Yeh I mean't calories my bad. I'll now edit.

[determined4000]

Yeh I mean't calories my bad. I'll now edit.

is your lack o eating physical or mental?

[ErikTheElectric]

Hey,

Basically I don't eat enough.. I probably get little over 750 calories a day. I try to gain weight but I just hate eating, it's like a chore to me and I hate chores so just avoid it, it's stupid and crazy I know I just don't like to eat. Also when I do eat I tend to leave at least half of what ever it is as I always seem full and just lose interest in the food. The only food I do seem to like is cereal which I basically used to live off.. Bad I know.

What I'm seeking is maybe some advice on how I could over come this and start eating more as potentially its the problem that's keeping me at the size I am now. I currently weigh in at 148.4lbs and am around 5'10.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks.

Do you want to gain muscle? Are you happy with who you see in the mirror?
The reason I ask, is because you areon a bodybuilding forum. Most that come here want to be muscular and have that "ideal physique". Obviously, if you have the mindset of "hating to eat" this is counter-intuitive thinking and isn't going to get you to your goal (if that's what it is).

Is the "I hate eating" thought because you fear eating? or is it because eating is simply something that just makes you physically uncomfortable and you just don't like food in general?

I think there's 2 different things that could be going on here..
- Just a general loss of interest in having to "eat" (would like to do other things in life, could care less about food) - Not an Eating Disorder
- Fearing the food, and fearing weight gain from the food that you enjoy. (secretly but the ED doesn't want you too). - Complete eating disorder

So, if you could elaborate a little further. That would be great.

[CasualJr]

is your lack o eating physical or mental?

I physically don't want to eat, like if I'm at home and I start to feel hungry I wont just go and make something I will stay hungry, but then mentally my mind is always telling me that I'm full after eating an average size chicken breast.

Do you want to gain muscle? Are you happy with who you see in the mirror?
The reason I ask, is because you areon a bodybuilding forum. Most that come here want to be muscular and have that "ideal physique". Obviously, if you have the mindset of "hating to eat" this is counter-intuitive thinking and isn't going to get you to your goal (if that's what it is).

Is the "I hate eating" thought because you fear eating? or is it because eating is simply something that just makes you physically uncomfortable and you just don't like food in general?

I think there's 2 different things that could be going on here..
- Just a general loss of interest in having to "eat" (would like to do other things in life, could care less about food) - Not an Eating Disorder
- Fearing the food, and fearing weight gain from the food that you enjoy. (secretly but the ED doesn't want you too). - Complete eating disorder

So, if you could elaborate a little further. That would be great.

I don't think I fear eating? Like I have never been obese in my life so it's not as if I'm fearing returning to that state how ever I'm unsure as it could be this? Regarding your first question, no I'm not really happy with my body and what I see in the mirror, I would like to gain muscle, when I say muscle I don't mean being huge, I just mean having enough so that it fills me out a bit and that you are able to tell.

More information...

I'll tell you a bit about my diet.. it usually consists of this..

Breakfast -Always 4 Weetabix with about 250ml of milk,
Lunch - Most of the time skipped, occasionally have a ham sandwich,
Dinner - Usually a chicken breast and packet of Uncle Ben's rice, usually I don't even eat all the rice either.

You said

Fearing the food, and fearing weight gain from the food that you enjoy

The thing is there aren't any foods that I really enjoy, I'm a very fussy eater (Which I thin is part of the problem perhaps?) but like I previously said I'm not that worried about gaining weight as I have never been obese and could easily lose the weight again.
If there is any further information you would like to know can you just post the questions here or PM me as I'm not sure what else you would like to know.

Thanks for getting back to me so soon. hopefully you can help me resolve this issue.

[ErikTheElectric]

I don't think I fear eating? Like I have never been obese in my life so it's not as if I'm fearing returning to that state how ever I'm unsure as it could be this? Regarding your first question, no I'm not really happy with my body and what I see in the mirror, I would like to gain muscle, when I say muscle I don't mean being huge, I just mean having enough so that it fills me out a bit and that you are able to tell.
More information...

I'll tell you a bit about my diet.. it usually consists of this..

If there is any further information you would like to know can you just post the questions here or PM me as I'm not sure what else you would like to know.

Thanks for getting back to me so soon. hopefully you can help me resolve this issue.

I don't think you necessarily have an "eating disorder", I think you simply just are among the many
that desire weight gain/muscle gain and have a problem with consuming enough calories/food in order to get to your goal.

As far as eating enough is concerned, I'm not going to go into specifics really.. but try looking into getting more liquid calories in (if you get full easily).
If you truly do see this as a real issue, then research different ways to spur an interest in food again. Obviously, without it.. you won't grow.

As far as "things I'd like to know", there isn't really anything that I want to know.. you came here and posted.. so we're just trying to help you.

[ZDub212]

I find the link between obesity and the development of eating disorders interesting. I don't have any data to back me up besides anecdotal, but I suspect that with the continuing rise of obesity levels, that we'll continue to see an increase in the incidence of eating disorders, especially for males. I cannot tell you how many times I've read this:

"I was overweight for most of my life. I started dieting, which became unhealthy dieting because I didn't have too much knowledge, I started to learn more, lost a lot of weight quickly, had loose skin, started weight training, turned to bodybuilding, etc etc."

[ThousandEyes]

I find the link between obesity and the development of eating disorders interesting. I don't have any data to back me up besides anecdotal, but I suspect that with the continuing rise of obesity levels, that we'll continue to see an increase in the incidence of eating disorders, especially for males. I cannot tell you how many times I've read this:

"I was overweight for most of my life. I started dieting, which became unhealthy dieting because I didn't have too much knowledge, I started to learn more, lost a lot of weight quickly, had loose skin, started weight training, turned to bodybuilding, etc etc."

So true I used to be huge, very strong not just fat, but I hated being so big. But I followed that path.

[ZDub212]

-Eating disorders tempt sufferers to question whether or not they even have a problem, through denial or through self-hatred, ie, "You don't have one, suck it up, stop whining." Acknowledge that these are the thoughts of a disordered mind. Your disorder is very real, and you have the right to feel the things that you do.

-Seek counseling of ANY sort. Getting through it on your own is difficult, but professional counseling is key to recovery and there's nothing to be ashamed of. And if you do seek counseling, be proactive. Many people go to therapy and sit there for 45-60 minutes, listen and then leave and give into their disordered minds. You actually have to go, open your mouth, be 100% honest, and put the advice into practice. Take a notebook with you and take notes.

-Accept this simple fact: Recovery is NOT linear. This is not a bacterial or viral infection, where you get it, suffer, possibly take some medicine, wait and then it goes away. Recovery is constantly taking 1 step forward/1 step back, 2 steps forward/3 steps back. Regression is not the end of the world. One should be aware of it, but not let it deter them in their path to recovery.

-Personally, I wouldn't tell anyone except for your family (keep them in the loop so you can actually recover) and potentially close friends.. People don't really understand EDs, and their attempts will probably only upset you. I've only told a few people in my life, and so many of them STILL don't get it after all these years, and some have completely forgotten. That's a difficult realization. You can tell your friends, family of course, but be careful. It's hard to have that information out there.

-Don't believe that you can recover with numbers. Do NOT count calorie count, it's foolish. Do NOT step on the scale, the numbers do NOT matter. Your life is much more valuable than what a diet log or scale tells you. Fight that temptation and let it be, or you can expect to not recover.

-This is a long term disorder. People don't just "get over it." It lasts. Accept this. It might not ever be easy again. Having an eating disorder is like going through a really bad breakup. So what do you do to recover from a really bad breakup? You distance yourself from the person who hurt you. You forget they exist if you can, and move on. But you cannot stop eating...even though you've been hurt by your mind/disorder so badly. So you have to face this "breaker upper" every day, several times per day. There is no quick fix.

[ZDub212]

So true I used to be huge, very strong not just fat, but I hated being so big. But I followed that path.

I think that their should be focus on mentally improving one's health when it comes to combating obesity. For example, the media contradicts itself. A TV show will show the hot chick going for the fat guy with the heart of gold because he's so caring, but in reality, we know that this is mainly fiction that the media is trying to promote. On the other hand, their are commercials about how horrible obesity is, and most entertainment and things of this nature are superficial and emphasize physical beauty. So it's a very mixed message.

But people who are obese are taught to believe that they aren't good enough and that they must lose weight to obtain more personal value. So the question MUST be asked, why are these people obese? Is it due to insecurity? Is it due to solving one's emotional problems with one addiction? Most likely yes. So many people have eating disorders already, when they're severely overweight, whether that be BEDs, or simply an unhealthy relationship with food...using food to fill an emotional void. And that's why we see so many ED sufferers turn to bodybuilding or alcohol or drugs, because it's simply using something else to fill that void.

One of my close relatives (mother) had a gastric bypass and became an alcoholic. Now, she's been sober since 11/22/11, but she simply switched addictions. Now that she doesn't drink, she still has food & body issues and she smokes cigarettes.

Unless society, the government and fitness organizations focus on treating the cause of obesity (cultural, depression, addiction, etc) instead of the symptoms (poor diet, lack of exercise) then obesity will continue to be a problem. They can ban sodas over 16oz (they did this in NYC I believe...retarded) and have commercials promoting exercise, but that won't provide ANYONE with motivation unless it's driven by insecurity...ultimately leading to a sad collection of individuals in a depressing society.

[texicus]

list of advice

this is fantastic. thank you for this.
also idk if you are recovering or have "fully recovered" but you look fantastic (based off avi)

[nealbha]

Excellent that you notice it's a MINDSET. We become programmed through our habits, which are controlled by our beliefs. Find out what's holding you back in your mind. The big question to ask yourself is "WHY?": "Why am I eating so much?" "Why do I want to eat?" "How is this serving me?" "What do I get out of eating all this food?"

Dig past the first thing that might come to mind: "Because it tastes good." Ok, so, given that it tastes good, WHY are you still eating so much? Was there a time when you thought that you were going to have nothing to eat? Did you live in a family where, if you didn't eat it, someone else would? (It's happened to me, for sure!)

Good luck! You're on the right track!

Your right...next time i get a urge, i should talk myself into realizing that i don't need that food, and its only gonna going to feel good for 30 minutes or when im eating it.