Just Keep Swimming.......Kristen road to the promise land

[kmac1196]

Ok. Food yesterday was 1776 157g protein, 62g fat, 138g carb. Today is a rest day. I am going to weigh in on Sunday this week instead of Monday because I am going out to eat with the family after we get our Christams tree. To Thai food. So that will be my meal this week. Although, Tuesday we are having a neighborhood gathering so I'll have to be careful on that one. I should be fine. I'll know the menu for that so I can plan my macros and cals to include that. Putting up Christmas lights today, I hope. More later.

Ha! Never got back. Lol. No Christmas lights either. Spent 2 hrs on the phone with dell. My new laptop won't boot up even in safe mode. So the pics I had on my iPhone for 2 years that I just moved over and deleted from my phone cannot be gotten to. Ugh! I need to restore factory. Should have got a Mac. Hate these windows problems. Anyway. Food was good yearerday. 1667 cals. 145g protein 49 fat , 118 carb ( I'm guessing on the last one because it's in my phone and I'm here). Anyway. Workout b 2 coming up. Going to put on some weight as I have no idea what I can truly dead lift for 2 sets of 15. No idea what to start with. I'm weighing my bar today too. Lol. Then we are getting our tree and going out to lunch with the family so I will weigh in today instead of tomorrow. Id like to keep my emotional state happy even if it's all the same in the end. I don't want to see a sodium weight gain thank you! More later.

[Redfizz]

Wow. You're doing really well on the protein. It's so tough to get that up for me.

[kmac1196]

Wow. You're doing really well on the protein. It's so tough to get that up for me.

Thanks. I use advantage low carb ready to drink shakes with fruit for snacks. 17 g protein per serving and quick to take on the run. I'm not hungry often so these aren't super filling like a whey shake. It's still whey but thin.

Laptop is still not working. Grrr. So I'm on my phone. Lifts are still great. Food is great. Down 2 lbs at weigh in on Monday. That's 33 since August. Yay. Wearing different sizes than the last time I was this weight. Muscle! Love it. More later.

[kmac1196]

So, yesterday was our neighborhood party to PLAN our Christmas party. LOL. So I saved my cals for the night. I had egg whites and veggies with lite oatmeal bread in the morning after my Stage 1 A3 workout. Some grapes and ham mid afternoon and then had 2 pudding shots (so very good), 2 sips of a gin and tonic (just wasn't working for me), 2 pieces of capicola (with the antipasto fixings), 2 pieces of bread with herbed olive oil, 2 mini pb cookies with the mini pbcups on top (so good), 4 scoops tortilla chips with the dip that went with it and 2 biscuit things made into a pizza roll. And grapes. I felt like ****. Still don't feel right. Blah. So, I could only really etimate my cals and I think I was around 2000 yesterday. So, I still plan to see a loss on the scale next week. Onward. I will say that I just can't eat like I used to. I get fuller way quicker (like bloated full, not happy full). So, workout yesterday was good. Squat was bar plus 70. Bent over rows bar plus 70. Step us with 15 db's. Swiss ball crunches. Push ups off the bench. My legs are not sore today. I'll add weight next time. Going to be hard to do withouth a squat rack. Also, I don't love to do the NROLFW at the gym. So I'm stuck. One house today. Should take me about 3 hrs. Then trying to get some Christmas things done. Can't wait for protein today to start to feel better. Thank God for magnesium! Taking that at night (learned from my fat flush days), helps get everything moving out.

[kmac1196]

So yesterday, Cals 1681 protein 133, fats 70, carbs 129. Wanted protein a little higher but ran out of time and cals at the end of the day. Oh, well. Today I will. Stage B workout 3 today. 1 house to clean (should take me about 2 and a half hours...dirty and she's home). Still feeling a little fat from Tuesady. Hoping Monday morning shows a good loss though. I feel....strange not struggling. Really...like the first time in my life that I am not. I keep taking my meal (sometimes 2) out to lunch and enjoying it, counting it, not overdoing it, and getting right back to it. For years I thought it was about food addiction. And I think that saying that and living in that mindset (for me) really took my power away. I have a very successful marriage, business, kids...but I just couldn't get this. Then I watched the rebuttal to supersize me which was so great....fat head I think it was called and on netflix streaming, and he ate nothing but fast food for a month every meal and lost weight. Anyway, he said, if the food is so addicting , like the supersize me guy claims, than how come I could quit cold turkey? In fact, I don't want to step foot into those places for a very long time, I'm just so sick of it. So.....it got me thinking....I don't care about fast food and never eat it but I have other foods that I love. And I started thinking about my relationship with food ( and why I even had a relationship with food at all....LOL). I've done the "food for fuel" thing...where I've tried to take away it's emotional response...works for a while....I've done the love food and just deal with that I'm fat and still work out and stay active....but that always makes me feel unahappy because my fatness doesn't reflect my personality. So....here I am, this time around, with both, sort of. Food is fuel. I try to make sure my protein is up for my muscle growth, but I won't eat anything I don't like. Food is memories, happiness, celebration, and enjoyment. I'm embracing that. I'm not skipping celebrations because there is food...I'm not skipping out on traditions that involve food, becasue that's LIFE!!!! The more I restricted myself in the past, the more I struggled. The more I gave up, the more I binged. Normal life is fitting it all in. Finding a way that works for YOU....not what worked for all of the success stories that I have read about....not doing exactly the same as them...but finding what works for you. And I swear...something has just clicked right into place for me in this journey. I'm not rushing to the finish line. I'm not lazy either. I'm working hard and controlling things that I can control and the rest will happen at it's own pace. There was a time, when I was following the fat flush plan (in 2005) and I lost a lot of weight...and I was at 146 (for about a minute ) and some friends were talking about what we would do if we found out we had 6 months to live. And I thought...EAT whatever I wanted. Now, that's sad. With all the things I could have thought about....that's what I said. So...now, years later, losing weight comfortably, I don't have that feeling. I'm just living. Eating what I want, working out as hard as I can (at least I've always loved that) and losing weight. Anyway...this was long winded to say that I'm not struggling and it feels strange. LOL.....

And my outside lights are not up yet. LOL....

[SweetDdee]

Hi Kristen!
I feel like our relationship with food has most certainly grown from simple 'fuel' to something more. There are many significant events that have or use to have a major food component, some joyous and other morose. It boils down to what works for you. I think you did great on Wed - the potential to overconsume was high and you had a very modest quantity (especially for finger food! that stuff is designed to be nibbled on continuously). I'm certain you will find a balance with food in both eating what your body needs and eating what you want (in moderation) and still being able to enjoy it.
Cheers - Dee

[kmac1196]

Hi Kristen!
I feel like our relationship with food has most certainly grown from simple 'fuel' to something more. There are many significant events that have or use to have a major food component, some joyous and other morose. It boils down to what works for you. I think you did great on Wed - the potential to overconsume was high and you had a very modest quantity (especially for finger food! that stuff is designed to be nibbled on continuously). I'm certain you will find a balance with food in both eating what your body needs and eating what you want (in moderation) and still being able to enjoy it.
Cheers - Dee

Thanks! Yes, I thought I did, too.

Yesterday was deadlift day and I'm not feeling them. My back crackles a lot ( I think I have no cartilage ) and today a bit sore. I've never been to the dr's for it but maybe I should. Anyway, I finished the set with bar plus 70. Stage 1 B3 finished. Had a higher cal day than I planned ( I was so tired yesterday, don't know why) but that's ok. 2054 cals 120g protein, 83 g fat, 218g carb. I'm trying to listen to my body and I was just hungry. So...today. Rest day. No work. I do have Christmas shopping to do. I'll post later with numbers.

[kmac1196]

So, I didn't get her yesterday. Had a complete relaxing day. Even napped in the afternoon. Cals were 1413 protein 147, fat 38, carb 110. I had a couple days where my cals were very high so I'm compensating yesterday and today, too. Stage A4 yesterday. Felt good. Still squatting at home so concentrating on LOW. Everything else felt good. I'll be happy with a single pound drop this week. Weigh in tomorrow. Rest day today. I might go for a walk though. I was hoping to be down 40 lbs by Christmas. That's 7 more pounds. 3 mondays. If I drop 1 tomorrow, that leaves 3 and 3 the next 2 weeks. Doable but I can't control that. I won't be hugely crushed if I don't. I just want to say it when I see family that will ask. LOL. Then I have a cruise in Feb. (17th). Last cruise I went on was 2005 and I had hit 187 when we went. I suppose that is possible to see again. That's 29 lbs from last weeks weight. 11 weigh ins before I go....2 1/2 lbs a week about. Also, possible but I can't control that. What I can do is continue lifting. Continue logging calories and finding MY magic number ...one that will keep me satiated and not bingeing but will let me lose that 2 lb per week target. I think I have found a good amount. It seems to be working. In the past, the suggestions were 1900 for me. But I think targeting 1600 ish a day and one meal a week out where I go over 1600, keeps me at that amount anyway. And if I measure instead of weigh, maybe that compensates the cushion of error I've made for myself. Anyway, I won't obsess. I'm at a good place emotionally about food and I have freed up a lot of space in my head to think of other things. Amazing really. Anyway...off to do some stuff with the kids and some laundry (boo).

[kmac1196]

Missed a couple days of posting but workouts and food still on. I almost feel like I have nothing to journal. I've had a problem the past 2 days with...um...bathroom stuff...I think it's from increased protein and maybe less fruits/veggies/water. So, need to focus on those today. I was up 1 1/2 lbs this week but I don't think that's a real number (see bathroom problem) so I won't stress about it at all. Anyway, workouts are good. Deads felt better yesterday...spent some time with Mark Rippetoe (not really, just vids). I'm feeling like I'm missing the volume workouts I do though. Workout A5 coming up tomorrow. One house to clean today. More later.

[kmac1196]

Blah. I am very grumpy today. Feeling bloated...upper part of stomach is distended. Went to an awards thing for my daughter last night (honor society...super proud) and threw on a skirt and sweater. Felt awful. Fat. Like I haven't lost any weight at all. I also feel like it's taking me way too long to lose weight. I don't know if protein is too high and that's what I'm having a hard time digesting. I know it shouldn't matter with carbs and a calorie is a calorie, etc but I had a goal for Christmas and one for Feb. and I don't think I'm going to hit my Christmas one. I feel as if I'm spinning my wheels. I haven't had a down day but I am having one now. I am not bored with my "diet"....I'm feeling in control there. Workouts are fine...A5 was yesterday....going to 3 reps was good. Feeling it today...but I miss my upper/lower split pyramid style I was doing. Might switch back once in a while to mix it up. I just feel like I should be farther along than I am. I was feeling like my hip area was getting smaller but 2 days ago I noticed...not so much. I'm tracking carefully. I am specifically staying around 1600 ish so that if I have a day that I go over for my meal out, I'm supposedly under enough during the week to compensate that. Of course, my initial reaction to my weight increase this week is to drop my calories. Maybe I CAN'T lose weight on 1600-1700 cals a day. I mean...wtf. My job is physically active, I'm lifting heavy. I'm active at home when I'm not at work. Why isn't this easier?! Just discouraged today. I see people I haven't seen in a while at Christmas (the 23rd) and I wanted to say I'm down 40 lbs. And I won't be able to. Started Aug 13...at 249.6 Now at 217. That's 32.6 in 17 weeks. I know....1.8 lbs per week average loss...that's where I'm SUPPOSED to be. Blah, blah, blah. I get it. But with 72lbs (at least) left to go.....it's daunting . And aggravating that it's taking too long. And then, I say, well, I could do what I did before to lose it (fast and furious) and then get back on track with what I'm doing now (becasue I can't do that diet forever) and then I know that it's not the right answer because it sets me up for food issues. Why can't I lose 2 lbs per week doing regular stuff? I'd be happy with that. Why can't I figure out MY magic spot that keeps me at that level? Booo....I'm super grumpy today. Whatever. Anyway...todays plan...one house to clean...should take me 2 hours. Then grocery shopping. Rest day today. Hoping I can get out of my funk as I will be spending the day (after my house) with my husband who loves me and is super supportive no matter what I do. More later.