The No Contact Thread

[Partickus]

Some fine logic right there..

I should also add that when we broke up the first time she said she wanted to just be alone. Another prime example of what women say =/= what they want

[walshyn93]

Misc. It's not really a big deal but I've been no contact for about 6 or 7 months. Hard times. Ex texted me today wishing me happy birthday. To text back or not text back? I don't want to be rude but I also don't want to break no contact and end up talking again or thinking about her too much. Should I text back and if so should I be nice or neutral?

[Fon7ana]

Well she was a big part of my life, I'm not going to just stop caring completely.

She DOES want me to contact her; she was the last one to make contact and I just ignored her, and she's the one who has bitched about me going NC.

I actually don't think about her all the time, I've been really good lately, but just seeing this - pictures of the flooding etc - does have me worried a bit. Most of the time things only get to me at work - I work alone, at night, in a remote service station, and your mind wonders.

BS women validation seeking mind games.

She does not give two chits about you. Sorry bro.

[admles]

BS women validation seeking mind games.

She does not give two chits about you. Sorry bro.

But what I don't understand is why does she want me to contact her and end NC? Is it some sort of power thing?

[AppsBrah]

But what I don't understand is why does she want me to contact her and end NC? Is it some sort of power thing?

The whole post-breakup is (unfortunately) a power thing imo. After the first time I went NC, she contacted me after 5 weeks. When I replied and asked how she was doing, she didn't bother to reply back. By contacting me she gave up her power, and when she decided to not answer, she felt empowered again.

In your case she was the last one who reached out and you ignored, therefore you have the power and are disregarding her -> she doesn't like that.

Sad world we live in.

[admles]

The whole post-breakup is (unfortunately) a power thing imo. After the first time I went NC, she contacted me after 5 weeks. When I replied and asked how she was doing, she didn't bother to reply back. By contacting me she gave up her power, and when she decided to not answer, she felt empowered again.

In your case she was the last one who reached out and you ignored, therefore you have the power and are disregarding her -> she doesn't like that.

Sad world we live in.

That's...... pathetic. I don't do it for power, I do it for my own healing!

[chirashi]

Misc. It's not really a big deal but I've been no contact for about 6 or 7 months. Hard times. Ex texted me today wishing me happy birthday. To text back or not text back? I don't want to be rude but I also don't want to break no contact and end up talking again or thinking about her too much. Should I text back and if so should I be nice or neutral?

Same thing happened to me last month. 8 months NC, she texted me happy birthday.
If it won't screw you over, you can just say "Thanks, hope you're doing well" and leave it at that. That's what I did.
They just wanted to wish you happy birthday, that's it. I didn't feel like I broke NC with the simple thanks.

[Fon7ana]

But what I don't understand is why does she want me to contact her and end NC? Is it some sort of power thing?

Yes. Doesn't it make you sick that someone who loved you at one point would be sociopathic enough to keep you strung on just to feel good about themselves?

It should. Dude, you seem like a good guy and you are doing real well with NC as you should. The only thing that is going to make you feel better aside from upgrading (which isn't easy to do as we all know).. is to figure out what's going to make you feel like a man. What is going to give you purpose. It's never too late to find a passion or purpose and pursue it. She will slowly wither from your mind after this happens.

She. Does. Not. Care. About. You. Anymore. Take that in, once I accepted it I kicked/screamed/cried but then you wake up and understand that her view on you is absolutely miniscule in this world.

The whole post-breakup is (unfortunately) a power thing imo. After the first time I went NC, she contacted me after 5 weeks. When I replied and asked how she was doing, she didn't bother to reply back. By contacting me she gave up her power, and when she decided to not answer, she felt empowered again.

In your case she was the last one who reached out and you ignored, therefore you have the power and are disregarding her -> she doesn't like that.

Sad world we live in.

^ yup.



oh and NO FB/Social MEDIA STALKING. Be honest with yourself.. are you doing it? If so don't think for a SECOND that it isn't delaying your healing process.

I stopped checking her fb like a week and a half ago and I already feel 10x better. You don't want to see what's going on in her life. It creates this misconstrued vision that she is just floating on sunshine and let me tell you right now, that isn't the case. Don't think NC just means text/call/meet ups. It means erasing them from your agenda completely.



Also. I met an awesome blonde and she is coming to see me this weekend. Though I'm not saying this is my soul mate or anything.. I will say she is in the same attraction level as my ex, and her personality is much better. So even if it doesn't amount to anything, it goes to show that you can and will attract more good women into your life. We're all gonna make it bros

[walshyn93]

Same thing happened to me last month. 8 months NC, she texted me happy birthday.
If it won't screw you over, you can just say "Thanks, hope you're doing well" and leave it at that. That's what I did.
They just wanted to wish you happy birthday, that's it. I didn't feel like I broke NC with the simple thanks.

That's good advice. Thanks. Measly reps.

[admles]

Yes. Doesn't it make you sick that someone who loved you at one point would be sociopathic enough to keep you strung on just to feel good about themselves?

It should. Dude, you seem like a good guy and you are doing real well with NC as you should. The only thing that is going to make you feel better aside from upgrading (which isn't easy to do as we all know).. is to figure out what's going to make you feel like a man. What is going to give you purpose. It's never too late to find a passion or purpose and pursue it. She will slowly wither from your mind after this happens.

She. Does. Not. Care. About. You. Anymore. Take that in, once I accepted it I kicked/screamed/cried but then you wake up and understand that her view on you is absolutely miniscule in this world.

I think this is the final step for me - to accept she doesn't care, she just wants me there for HER benefit, nothing else.

I'm actually contemplating going back to studies, and BJJ is slowly taking over my life - whenever I start thinking about her, I think about training instead and she gets pushed out.

[Fon7ana]

I think this is the final step for me - to accept she doesn't care, she just wants me there for HER benefit, nothing else.

I'm actually contemplating going back to studies, and BJJ is slowly taking over my life - whenever I start thinking about her, I think about training instead and she gets pushed out.

Also, you mentioned those nights at work where your mind wonders and obviously stays on the thought of her (horrible feeling).

Start buying books. Non fictions that will give you ultimate awareness on why you feel the way you do, and how you can take back the control.

[admles]

Also, you mentioned those nights at work where your mind wonders and obviously stays on the thought of her (horrible feeling).

Start buying books. Non fictions that will give you ultimate awareness on why you feel the way you do, and how you can take back the control.

I can only do that when all my jobs are done though :/ But I guess while doing all my work I can listen to books on tape or something, I'll give that a try.

I also have to stop looking at the dates - "it's 4 months today she dumped me" "it's 3 months today I stopped talking to her" - I've realised that now

[Fon7ana]

I can only do that when all my jobs are done though :/ But I guess while doing all my work I can listen to books on tape or something, I'll give that a try.

I also have to stop looking at the dates - "it's 4 months today she dumped me" "it's 3 months today I stopped talking to her" - I've realised that now

Yes! Very true..

I was almost going to do a NC count and then I was like why? Can't count to infinity.

[AppsBrah]

It should. Dude, you seem like a good guy and you are doing real well with NC as you should. The only thing that is going to make you feel better aside from upgrading (which isn't easy to do as we all know).. is to figure out what's going to make you feel like a man. What is going to give you purpose. It's never too late to find a passion or purpose and pursue it. She will slowly wither from your mind after this happens.
..
Also. I met an awesome blonde and she is coming to see me this weekend. Though I'm not saying this is my soul mate or anything.. I will say she is in the same attraction level as my ex, and her personality is much better. So even if it doesn't amount to anything, it goes to show that you can and will attract more good women into your life. We're all gonna make it bros

+1000 on finding a passion, both that and another girl in your life works wonders. Nice you're meeting other chicks man.

I also have to stop looking at the dates - "it's 4 months today she dumped me" "it's 3 months today I stopped talking to her" - I've realised that now

Guilty as well

[berenjena]

The whole post-breakup is (unfortunately) a power thing imo. After the first time I went NC, she contacted me after 5 weeks. When I replied and asked how she was doing, she didn't bother to reply back. By contacting me she gave up her power, and when she decided to not answer, she felt empowered again.

In your case she was the last one who reached out and you ignored, therefore you have the power and are disregarding her -> she doesn't like that.

Sad world we live in.

X1000!

My ex texted last night with this; "Hey Boo thang".....WTF? Is this bitch cereal? I just played cool and replied "what's good".....Fuarkkkkk the bitch hasn't reply yet. Huge mistake in responding to the kunt. Not happening again. Girls like to play too much mind games. Cut them off completely.

[Crsk]

X1000!

My ex texted last night with this; "Hey Boo thang".....WTF? Is this bitch cereal? I just played cool and replied "what's good".....Fuarkkkkk the bitch hasn't reply yet. Huge mistake in responding to the kunt. Not happening again. Girls like to play too much mind games. Cut them off completely.

See, this is the thing, and why it's all so messed up. The person (dumpee) who replies last holds all the power imo. If the other person (dumper) texts you and you text back and receive no answer, the dumper is expecting you to follow through with yet more calls. They're going to be watching their phone like a hawk since you've already replied to one. When you do not reply, it's then the dumper feels insecure that you must not like them anymore, after all, being the dumpee, you'll keep blowin' that phone up right? Wrong!

I made a thread a week ago about the tricks they use, for example, mine used a very good trick where she'd break NC (she was dumper) and I'd answer the phone only to be met with "I don't know why I even phoned, and thus putting it all on me, the next few words that came out of my mouth were vital to her, unfortunately for me, they were not the word I'd have used now, instead, they were the words she wanted to here. She used this line twice. I didn't learn.

[pushforward]

Firstly, your ex sounds like a rather underdeveloped individual. May people have self esteem issues to some extent - generally it's okay to have self esteem issues, it's how one deals with the actual issues that is the problem. As a general rule - a healthy way of dealing with self esteem issues is not looking to the outside world to feel better about oneself (i.e. getting attention from men or if male getting attention from women) but instead using those self-esteem issues for inner motivation (doing things to make themselves feel better about their flaws like going to the gym, running, joining a sport ect). Usually, if someone lacks the ability to self regulate feelings of inferiority or low self esteem, I've always found that they really are not socially developed enough for a relationship. They will either require excessive admiration from the more secure partner, or they will go outside of the relationship to get the "fix" they need to feel good about themselves.

In my opinion, your ex doesn't seem like she is mentally stable enough to be a good partner in a relationship right now. Good, solid relationships require fidelity, predictability and the ability for each partner to self-regulate their own emotions and insecurities while still being able to emotionally support the other when they need to.

Dating right now - it's always nice to have a partner or perspective partners to do things with but if it's frustrating you, then maybe taking a break from it would be more beneficial. It seems like you aren't completely over her yet either. Dating other people while you're still emotionally tied up with her might not be advisable. After a long term or emotionally exhausting relationship sometimes taking time to become comfortable just being you - outside of the relationship, doing things you enjoy and being at ease with being "alone" can actually further personal development. Slipping in new girls as band-aids for the problem isn't a great long term solution. Besides, the best partners (both male and female) are not those that "need" other people to do things or feel okay, but those people who are able to do some really cool things by themselves and are completely comfortable alone, yet are willing to bring others along for the ride.

Working with her - that is difficult. You could always try to switch your schedule if that is possible. Sometimes it can be really hard to get over someone if they are always in ones face every day. Also, you could start handing out applications for another job or something. Wish I had better advice for this. Work always complicates things a lot.

Hope some of this helps, and I hope you're able to get off your roller-coaster of emotional anguish.

Damn, that's some solid advice there (THANK YOU). I always thought she would change and self actualize in a relationship with me. She's in a Masters program for Counseling and she's blind to her histrionic tendencies. Buuuuttttt, I am still in love with her and I am not looking to date around anymore. Just make friendships and deal with my own emotional baggage.

A huge part of me still fantasizes about her coming back one day... I still haven't let go of hope even though I know logically, she isn't good for me. I wish my emotions would follow that logic. I also wonder what she is experiencing. I think she still loves me but she's confused, hell, I'm confused. Just typing I think she loves me seems like a lie and the truth at the same time.

Sigh... More contemplation about life.

[shador1]

Prague.

Beautiful city, was looking forward to moving there.

oh, I live in Prague, born and raised even :-) I suppose you dont want to PM me the name? I know it wouldnt help anything but am quite curious now in case I know her or of her. I work with a girl who had a boyfriend in Australia but that was 1 year or so ago.

[admles]

oh, I live in Prague, born and raised even :-) I suppose you dont want to PM me the name? I know it wouldnt help anything but am quite curious now in case I know her or of her. I work with a girl who had a boyfriend in Australia but that was 1 year or so ago.

I don't know..... I feel a bit weird about that....

Who do you work for?

[xenochimera]

oh, I live in Prague, born and raised even :-) I suppose you dont want to PM me the name? I know it wouldnt help anything but am quite curious now in case I know her or of her. I work with a girl who had a boyfriend in Australia but that was 1 year or so ago.

dude no offense but why does this matter to you? even if it is what is the point?

[admles]

dude no offense but why does this matter to you? even if it is what is the point?

He's probably just curious, would be a strange coincidence.

[ClearSmoke]

In my own life, looking for closure has always ended up as an exercise in masochism. There never is closure. I can sit there all day wondering why a relationship fell apart and it usually starts with me pondering my partner's possible flaws and ends with me tearing myself apart for my flaws. It also has a tendency to drag out our own personal closure by seeking closure from them. Staying in touch and trying to probe the endless reasons of why a relationship ended is frustrating and doesn't do anything more than prolong an uncomfortable "friendship" and slow down the healing process. Honestly the best possible thing you can do is write it off as a forever unknown and walk away. The nature of human curiosity and existing feelings makes it hard as hell but I've honestly found that step 1 of moving on is not answering the question "WHY?" but riding off into the proverbial sunset, cutting contact, and realizing that people and relationships are crazy and 98% the time the person that called off the relationship probably couldn't give a logical answer for "Why?" anyway.

i hear what your saying but im the type of person that needs to know to move on. even if at the time it was stupid or w/e i just need to know why. because i dont believe after 8 years you decided this over night she said was thinking about it for 4 months prior so there is a reason shes just not telling me.

[shador1]

dude no offense but why does this matter to you? even if it is what is the point?

Just out of curiosity really, didnt mean it to sound weird.

[ClearSmoke]

Lemme ask what my therapist asked me before. How come u still care about her so much and let her have so much power over u? She doesnt give a shiit about u anymore, she doesnt even want u to contact her so why are u still wasting ur time caring about a person who gives no shiit about u?

I understand if u feel like missing her one day outta a few week or so but it seems like u think about her all the time. That may the case for me sometime but aleast i dont give a shiit about her anymore. If she died today, i wouldnt even shed a tear and i'll go on with my life just like any other tragic news around the world. Hey it has nothing to do with me right? why give a shiit? She's not even ur friend so stop caring about her, thinking about her and go find something to do. Watch a tv show, play some sport, go buy urself a game console or w/e just do something to kill time

^ Tbh I think you're lying to yourself when you say you wouldn't give a **** if she died tomorrow. Either that or you're a sociopath.

It all comes down to "inner-game". Everybody is different. I get more attached to women than I wish I did, but I can't help it. Is it because I seek validation? Sometimes. I still live a good life, but I remember with some women it took me a long time to get over it. I've been with plenty of women, I've been dumped/cheated on and dumped other women, but I'm a more emotional guy than most. Just my personal opinion. Some guys just handle this **** better.

maybe i am a sociopath lol. I'm pretty cold and dont give a shiit about most people. I mean i do sometimes but most of the time it doesnt phase me at all. Said an earthquake or tornado kills 500 people.. brb i read or watch it on the news. Nope.. not a single fhk given. But if i see a helpless elderly on the street or the train, i'll generally help out. I just feel like my x is not gonna be in my life anymore so why should i care? If afriend i met like 3 months ago died, i wouldnt care much. Ya its sad but its not gonna be on my mind and bother me.

So lemme ask u brah, do u feel better if some girl just left u without any word or would u prefer to be cheated on or treated like shiit? Personally i think the latter is easier to move on with. I'm extremely attached to my X too but not seeing her helps a lot cuz it just make me stop caring about her.

I can relate to both you guys I have that i dont give a **** attitude about lots of people things in my life. It keeps me sane specially since I got anger issues were i go from calm to explosive real fast if i dont like something but I'm nice and would help out granny. But the weird thing is like b-nelly35 when I do like a person I get attached rare as it is only 2 girls but when I do I really care 100%. Even if they do something wrong iI could look past it without flinching. Personally I'd rather she cheat gives me a reason to know shes just a bitch rather than not having no reason to wanna lose a good person in your life.

I believe if you guys break up for the right reason 1 isn't happy the relationship is getting stale to someone I wouldn't want them to stay and be unhappy I care too much to be selfish. But if those are the reasons I don't see why you guys cant be friends and work on that cause before you date you guys were friends at one point.

[Saragde]

I can relate to both you guys I have that i dont give a **** attitude about lots of people things in my life. It keeps me sane specially since I got anger issues were i go from calm to explosive real fast if i dont like something but I'm nice and would help out granny. But the weird thing is like b-nelly35 when I do like a person I get attached rare as it is only 2 girls but when I do I really care 100%. Even if they do something wrong iI could look past it without flinching. Personally I'd rather she cheat gives me a reason to know shes just a bitch rather than not having no reason to wanna lose a good person in your life.

I believe if you guys break up for the right reason 1 isn't happy the relationship is getting stale to someone I wouldn't want them to stay and be unhappy I care too much to be selfish. But if those are the reasons I don't see why you guys cant be friends and work on that cause before you date you guys were friends at one point.

Think.. Do you really want somebody you used to share your one of the best moments of life see kissing another kunt, knowing she has s3x with him.. saying same words as used to say for you... go to same places and so on?? It's psychology, maybe you was friends at one stage, but than you became couple.. from being couple to becoming friends is more than weird and not worth it AT ALL, it's same as keeping a dead dog.. IRRATIONAL!

We guys should improve ourselves and disregard b1tches, our lives complex.. but with them it's even harder. It's pathetic to hear how so called other halfs breaking up after long term relationships with an excuse that she was planning it for months.. oh ye it's cool to decide it on her own, and the guy who accepts it is even more pathetic, those kinds of people simply aren't mature enough for normal relationships or maybe are born just to be ****3d and nothing else..

If 2 people are in love, they will go through everything no matter what.. would take you as you are and support you during hard times, instead of monkeybranching and looking for better options.. Nowadays it's all about your finances and the way you look. It's worth to observe 1000 times more than we guys do before jumping in to relationship, those burns last and hurt too much..

God bless all of you!

[DanTheManz111]

Here's an update to my no contact. For those who are struggling to make it through here is my story:

Cliffs:
-knew the girl for 4 years; we were friends in high school and talked a lot
-dated her last summer for about 3 months; things were great
-she went to a summer program for school
-in the middle of the program she ends things with me
-she asks if we can remain friends, i said no and walked away
-curiosity got the best of me, lurked around and found out she monkey branched
-a month later she comes back, i confront her (havent talked to her since breakup)
-she lies, and keeps lying to me. i also find out she slept with her ex 3 weeks after we breakup
-confront her on that, she lies. i had proof but she plays dumb and still lies
-i rage, i hate being lied to, told her ill expose her
-she finally confesses and promises not to do it again. a couple days after, found out she still lying.
-gave up on her, no contact for about 7 months now
sloots gonna sloot

I won't lie and say it wasn't tough. I even got help from my school psychologist who is a very good friend of mine now. I'm much better than what I was half a year ago. I also have a girlfriend who I've been dating for 4-5 months now, things are going great. My grades have been steadily improving. My relationship with friends and family have grown. I just want to let those individuals know that things WILL get better but you have to take the steps to get there (NC, remove everything that reminds you of them, etc)

What helped me a lot in the beginning was cnatboy's advice which I'll share with you guys:

I think the best advice I can give you is to do the following

1. Stay NC, do not contact her again, and mentally force yourself to accept that it is over with this girl.

2. Do everything in your power to maximize YOUR potential. Meaning ace your finals, study hard and get great grades, find a good career path that suits you, achieve the best physical fitness you can.

3. Stay optimistic, realize there are tons of girls out there, and that you can, in fact, do better than the last girl. You can't be with a dishonest girl, it is torture, realize this and recognize that having anything with her is a mistake. Pity the guy who ends up with a liar for a GF/wife. The more you do #2, the more options you'll have when it comes to women.

There will be ups and downs, sometimes you'll feel great, other times you'll feel like crap. There will be days that you never want to talk to, hear about, or have anything to do with her again, and the very next day not contacting her will seem the hardest thing in the world to do. One day you'll hate her, the next you'll love and miss her again.

The most important thing is to recognize this ahead of time, and to make a deal with yourself that will lead you to future happiness. No matter how you feel, do not contact, do not check up on her, completely erase her from your life. Always keep improving yourself, grit your teeth through the hard times, and as time goes on you'll be happy more and sad less, until you've completely moved on.

All you can do is push on, full speed ahead bro. Recognize that following the above advice is the best for your long term happiness, and any breaking of NC or wallowing in sorrow is just going to make things more rough on you. So fill your free time by bettering yourself, cut her out, and become a beast in as many dimensions of your life as possible.

Oh, also don't be afraid to reconnect with old friends, go out and party, meet other women, etc whenever the opportunities arise.

You also need to realize its not about your ex anymore. Do what is best for you. I'm happy to help those who are struggling. Just shoot me a PM!

[pushforward]

Oh man wtf my current gf is exactly the same. Works at the same place, she ended a 8 year LTR and started dating me even though she didnt want a relationship at first, I was her 2nd etc etc including the self esteen issue. Up until the moving in so far its the same story. Now you put this in my head and Im gonna expect it to end the same way!

As for the advice, from my experience sadly a new girl may be the best cure.

Nobody can predict the future.

Trust your gut and live with no regrets. I don't have any regrets, although I was extremely vulnerable and got hurt because of it, I wouldn't change a damn thing. That's life. You put your heart and soul on the line and you're rewarded. Sometimes things don't go the way you expect but that's the bittersweet of it all. Buuutttt, sometimes things work out and it's one of the greatest life experience you'll ever have.

[FOXXIE]

I am on and off relationship going to almost 3 years...

[Mister05]

I am not gonna make it brahs. Stayed nc for a couple of months now. But it was hard, too hard. I want to wish her a happy birthday, because last year I was the only person that did it.

I just started my own company, box 3 times a week, play tennis once a week and hit the gym every now and then. I am soon graduated from University (this summer) and work at a big bank in Holland (as a part time job). Next year, I'm gonna travel to South East Asia, backpacking through almost every country there in 4 months.

So many things that I have and that I can do, but the only thing that keeps me busy is that dumb sloot. I am now struggeling if I'm gonna sms her on her birthday. And summer is coming along, so many beta summer feelings.

I dont know why I can be obsessed about 1 one girl this much. That everything I do is not enough to let her dissapear from my live.

Edit: her birthday is in a couple of weeks and I already having the urge to contact her..

[$big_boy$]

I had a very on and off relationship for 4 years. She ended up cutting it off bc of trust issues among other things. She asked for space to heal and see what happens. I haven't gone more then 4 days without any contact but I set myself a goal of going an entire month of NC and seeing how I feel without her and then going from there on what I should do.

Had a dream with her tonight was very real and it's making it rly hard not to text but I'm up for the challenge of going an entire month.

For everybody doing the same thing of NC keep your head up, stay busy and accept the challenge of NC see how you feel after a while of Nc with your ex.