The No Contact Thread

[gtr_nissanskyline]

The "Everything will get better" that everyone suggests in this thread is really true. I posted in this thread back in Jan/Feb about my situation and went on NC immediately following my breakup and everything has really gotten better. I finished my degree this month, picked up a new job as a web-developer, and hitting the gym hard again. It's been about 6 months since my breakup and that's how long I've been on NC. Ex has tried reaching out to me multiple times, but I just ignore her. I think she finally got the clue and stopped. Life does get better.

[B_Nelley35]

Whenever I'm having a rough girl day I just listen to this song & I feel better

[Mitch1313]

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...hp?t=150448603

Same girl off that. This afternoon I've been having nostalgia about her and what happened later after the situation. Basically my friend wanted to root her (who now has another gf), he told her lies etc about me and she hates me and he hates me for some reason. I've since deleted that dog male "friend" off ******** and the said girl deleted a bunch of people but still has me on ********. I haven't contacted her since that thread but I don't want to make a mistake. Can anyone talk me out of it?

Keep NC brah, thats all you can do... do not contact, itll end very badly
were all gonna make it brah...

The "Everything will get better" that everyone suggests in this thread is really true. I posted in this thread back in Jan/Feb about my situation and went on NC immediately following my breakup and everything has really gotten better. I finished my degree this month, picked up a new job as a web-developer, and hitting the gym hard again. It's been about 6 months since my breakup and that's how long I've been on NC. Ex has tried reaching out to me multiple times, but I just ignore her. I think she finally got the clue and stopped. Life does get better.

Good to hear brah, well done.

[FattyMcTubbs]

Ugh, just when I thought I was doing really well...... it's now 6 months to the day she dumped me (meaning she's about 4 days away from celebrating 6 months in her new relationship)...
Some feels today...... but I guess they'll go soon

wut? why is that still part of your thinking process?

1st love, oneitis, 2nd gf in my life... i fell for her hard.

These are gonna make it touch bro. really hard.
I'm sitting here not wanting her back, having a hard time thinking why I would wanna be with her, trying to find any redeeming qualities about her, and it's all a bit tough but yet, I'm still thinking about her, nomsaiyan? nothing good there and yet still miss her.
but I'm trying to see if it's more about my failure to notice these things before and letting myself be taken advantage of, letting my guard down, misjudging her character.

[Fire8085]

This sh*t is so fuking hard.

It sucks when you are in the same social circle.

It sucks worse when you left her by herself 300 miles away for months because you had to get surgery and she became incredibly depressed because of it.

It sucks even worse when she finally gets over the depression and just detaches and you are left with a million questions, wishing, hoping you did something different.

[admles]

wut? why is that still part of your thinking process?

To be honest, I don't know. I guess I'm still hurt that she lied to me about there being someone else, and that she could get over me so quickly. :/

[pushforward]

No contact for 3 months, need advice.

I keep bumping into my ex at work and it's a dagger to my heart each time. I skip the sadness part and go straight into anger. It's so stupid and I see pain in her face every time we lock eyes. Or maybe it's all in my head and I want to lie to myself that she still want to be with me or that I meant something to her.

I don't understand what went wrong, what in the hell just happened. I've tried to see other people but have been canceled on so many times and it's just so frustrating that this is the dating life. It sucks because I compare that she has options and that I don't. I feel like she's having such an easy time and I'm struggling with myself, my emotions, my thoughts and my identity.

Life seems so dull. I'm doing the best that I can everyday but it's a constant battle. I know I'm doing this to myself and I'm driving myself mad. I obsess about this a majority of the day, it's like a bad movie going on in my brain and it's on loop. I'm so sick of this, sick of myself, sick with the thoughts of her.

I can't find closure. I know she cannot give me closure so breaking NC is useless. It's just so painful and confusing. I know deep down I still love her and care deeply but I don't know what to do with my life. (Even though I am doing something with it. Working, school full time and exploring my hobbies.)

Cliff

-We met through work.
-She left a 7 year relationship. She broke it off because her dad passed away and her ex wasn't there for her. He went to Vegas to party for a week.
-She was still living with him while we started to talk. She eventually moved out and we became a little more serious.
-She didn't want a relationship at first, so I took it slow with her.
-She eventually asked me to be her boyfriend after 6 months of unofficial dating
-I was her 2nd relationship and 2nd sexual partner
-She has self esteem issues
-She sexted a married man during our relationship(he is a coworker) in the Summer of 2012, we worked through this because she came clean with me
-She told me she has an issue with needing attention
-She has emotional problems
-She is very intelligent, has everything but emotional maturity isn't developed.

Breaking up
-She brought up moving in together, having a future, no warnings of a breakup
-A day after our 1 year official anniversary, she decided she wanted to leave the relationship to be alone.
-I am in extreme NC. I removed her off FB and all mutual friends. Deleted her number. No checking up, nada.

Post break up
-Working out
-Going out
-Just started Martial Arts
-Reading everything about personal development
-Making new friends
-Exploring things I didn't have the time to when I was in a relationship
-Reconnecting with old friends
-Talking to a therapist
-Finishing my degree this October

Problem
-Still work with ex
-Still in love with ex
-Sees ex is in pain
-Thinks ex wants us back
-Reminds himself that ex is no good, constant internal struggle with thoughts and emotions
-Strapped in on emotional roller coaster and wants out
-Really really confused about life

What do I do?

[Kill3rGainz]

Does NC work when you want to win back an ex you dumped from her new man? or is that a straight up fail....

-1 year long relationship
-broke up with her 3 months ago

[youcanever]

Does NC work when you want to win back an ex you dumped from her new man? or is that a straight up fail....

-1 year long relationship
-broke up with her 3 months ago

I'd like to know that too. I guess if that works every NC works.

[admles]

Does NC work when you want to win back an ex you dumped from her new man? or is that a straight up fail....

-1 year long relationship
-broke up with her 3 months ago

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

I've seen it work for some, fail for others.

There's no guarantee.

Add:

If you're doing NC purely for the purpose of getting her back, chances are it won't work at all. You should be going NC for YOU to get over HER, not to make her miss you. That should just be a side effect, a by-product.

If you're going NC just to try and get her back, it'll mean you still want her, and she'll know it. A girl won't go back to a guy she knows she can get anytime, because she knows she can always get him and leaves him there as a backup.

[Foste4jd]

Have an issue brahs, Been on NC with onitis for a little bit now. Dated for two years, first gf.
-Broke up
-hung out for awhile (me trying to get her back)
-she tells me she wants to be best friends
-I say I still want her, she says she doesn't, and she finds it easy to be my friend nothing else.
-Go NC (followed up by texts/snap chats from her saying she misses me)
-Time goes on finally starting to feel over her
-She texts me and I cave in and she asks me out for drinks this weekend
-I say maybe, and I will let her know what I have going on

I need some advice on what to do! I get all cheery thinking she wants me back but deep down I know she just wants to use me.

[admles]

Have an issue brahs, Been on NC with onitis for a little bit now. Dated for two years, first gf.
-Broke up
-hung out for awhile (me trying to get her back)
-she tells me she wants to be best friends
-I say I still want her, she says she doesn't, and she finds it easy to be my friend nothing else.
-Go NC (followed up by texts/snap chats from her saying she misses me)
-Time goes on finally starting to feel over her
-She texts me and I cave in and she asks me out for drinks this weekend
-I say maybe, and I will let her know what I have going on

I need some advice on what to do! I get all cheery thinking she wants me back but deep down I know she just wants to use me.

You're pretty much answered your own question - you say you know she wants to use you. So, why would you want to be with her again?

If you do cave, and go, you need to be clear about what you want.

[Foste4jd]

You're pretty much answered your own question - you say you know she wants to use you. So, why would you want to be with her again?

If you do cave, and go, you need to be clear about what you want.

I always answer my own question but then next thing I know I am there. I think I'll just tell her I have something else going on, and go back to NC.

[admles]

I always answer my own question but then next thing I know I am there. I think I'll just tell her I have something else going on, and go back to NC.

That's probably for the best bro.

You were getting over her, and if it doesn't work out again, you'll just end up back where you started from.

Do what's best for you.

[Kill3rGainz]

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

I've seen it work for some, fail for others.

There's no guarantee.

Add:

If you're doing NC purely for the purpose of getting her back, chances are it won't work at all. You should be going NC for YOU to get over HER, not to make her miss you. That should just be a side effect, a by-product.

If you're going NC just to try and get her back, it'll mean you still want her, and she'll know it. A girl won't go back to a guy she knows she can get anytime, because she knows she can always get him and leaves him there as a backup.

So its pretty much a lose lose situation? either way messaging her or NC will still have the same result - fail. thats sucks

anytips brah?

[mer7cer7]

New girl = problem solved = stop posting on this thread

[admles]

So its pretty much a lose lose situation? either way messaging her or NC will still have the same result - fail. thats sucks

anytips brah?

Not necessarily.

First, you have to get on with your life, and get over her. You have to get to the point where you don't think about her all the time and want her back.

As long as she knows she can have you, she won't want you.

Get on, improve your life FOR YOU, not for the sake of getting her back.

Worry about YOU, making YOU happy, improving YOUR life.

One day, when you're in a better place, and you don't feel you NEED her in your life, it may be time to try again, but for now, I would cut her out completely.

Just go complete NC, and enjoy your life without her. Find out who you are without her in your life.

[JustKeepDriving]

No contact for 3 months, need advice.

I keep bumping into my ex at work and it's a dagger to my heart each time. I skip the sadness part and go straight into anger. It's so stupid and I see pain in her face every time we lock eyes. Or maybe it's all in my head and I want to lie to myself that she still want to be with me or that I meant something to her.

I don't understand what went wrong, what in the hell just happened. I've tried to see other people but have been canceled on so many times and it's just so frustrating that this is the dating life. It sucks because I compare that she has options and that I don't. I feel like she's having such an easy time and I'm struggling with myself, my emotions, my thoughts and my identity.

Life seems so dull. I'm doing the best that I can everyday but it's a constant battle. I know I'm doing this to myself and I'm driving myself mad. I obsess about this a majority of the day, it's like a bad movie going on in my brain and it's on loop. I'm so sick of this, sick of myself, sick with the thoughts of her.

I can't find closure. I know she cannot give me closure so breaking NC is useless. It's just so painful and confusing. I know deep down I still love her and care deeply but I don't know what to do with my life. (Even though I am doing something with it. Working, school full time and exploring my hobbies.)

Firstly, your ex sounds like a rather underdeveloped individual. May people have self esteem issues to some extent - generally it's okay to have self esteem issues, it's how one deals with the actual issues that is the problem. As a general rule - a healthy way of dealing with self esteem issues is not looking to the outside world to feel better about oneself (i.e. getting attention from men or if male getting attention from women) but instead using those self-esteem issues for inner motivation (doing things to make themselves feel better about their flaws like going to the gym, running, joining a sport ect). Usually, if someone lacks the ability to self regulate feelings of inferiority or low self esteem, I've always found that they really are not socially developed enough for a relationship. They will either require excessive admiration from the more secure partner, or they will go outside of the relationship to get the "fix" they need to feel good about themselves.

In my opinion, your ex doesn't seem like she is mentally stable enough to be a good partner in a relationship right now. Good, solid relationships require fidelity, predictability and the ability for each partner to self-regulate their own emotions and insecurities while still being able to emotionally support the other when they need to.

Dating right now - it's always nice to have a partner or perspective partners to do things with but if it's frustrating you, then maybe taking a break from it would be more beneficial. It seems like you aren't completely over her yet either. Dating other people while you're still emotionally tied up with her might not be advisable. After a long term or emotionally exhausting relationship sometimes taking time to become comfortable just being you - outside of the relationship, doing things you enjoy and being at ease with being "alone" can actually further personal development. Slipping in new girls as band-aids for the problem isn't a great long term solution. Besides, the best partners (both male and female) are not those that "need" other people to do things or feel okay, but those people who are able to do some really cool things by themselves and are completely comfortable alone, yet are willing to bring others along for the ride.

Working with her - that is difficult. You could always try to switch your schedule if that is possible. Sometimes it can be really hard to get over someone if they are always in ones face every day. Also, you could start handing out applications for another job or something. Wish I had better advice for this. Work always complicates things a lot.

Hope some of this helps, and I hope you're able to get off your roller-coaster of emotional anguish.

[ODSN]

For those of you that tried to get back together with your ex prior to going NC, do you have some of the stuff you wrote them saved or still accessible? I do...and I am cringing

[IAmThee]

For those of you that tried to get back together with your ex prior to going NC, do you have some of the stuff you wrote them saved or still accessible? I do...and I am cringing

The first time me and my ex broke up, I chased her and I literally am shaking my head in disappointment, not only for chasing her but the the things I said as well. Needless to say, we broke up a second time and I have been in NC for 2 months and honestly, I no longer have any interest in breaking NC or getting back.

Life will balance itself out brahs and you'll all get to that point where you say "Why the eff was I with her so long?"

[Beastmode1403]

Making a lot of progress. Still think about her a lot (about 1 month since break). But no social media has definitely helped the most.... Not seeing any of her stuff makes it a whole lot easier.

[FattyMcTubbs]

For those of you that tried to get back together with your ex prior to going NC, do you have some of the stuff you wrote them saved or still accessible? I do...and I am cringing

No but I can recall a few of the things I said to her during and right after we broke up.
Cringe worthy indeed. Some of the most pathetic, beta chit that has ever been said by a penis wielding creature.
Thankfully, I can laugh at it. now.

[CmC520]

Making a lot of progress. Still think about her a lot (about 1 month since break). But no social media has definitely helped the most.... Not seeing any of her stuff makes it a whole lot easier.

Identical..

[ClearSmoke]

hey guys just having a **** day been broken up with the ex for 10 months now and still feel like ****. i just need closure as to why and all the whys i just need her to come clear. I still love the **** out of her because as far as i know she hasn't done anything wrong while he was together. But she does claim to have met this guy named mark that she stays over at this place says shes just friends and sleeps in his daughters room i don't believe that ****. But yea hes a guy shes been working with for couple months and i heard about him from while we were together but shes trying to convince me that this mark guy is a different mark that she met at work shes a cyw so its a childcare thing and he supposedly came part time from another house for the 1st and they just happen to have a lot in common and told each other secrets only close really close friends would know. But i cant get the thought of her leaving me for him cause i seen the guy once and its laughable him compared to me he doesn't even life just a fat guy srsly and I'm was in the best shape of my life so i just don't get it. and want the truth. I guess it doesnt help that we've been in contact as well but I'm having trouble just turning my back on her. She's been my 1st for so much **** in my life so when i talk to people about experiences she was mostly there. 8 years is along time to forget and i find it hard not to talk to her after all the history we have i just feel bad thinking about it. its been making me feel sick. so much negative thoughts.

[JustKeepDriving]

i just need closure as to why and all the whys i just need her to come clear.

In my own life, looking for closure has always ended up as an exercise in masochism. There never is closure. I can sit there all day wondering why a relationship fell apart and it usually starts with me pondering my partner's possible flaws and ends with me tearing myself apart for my flaws. It also has a tendency to drag out our own personal closure by seeking closure from them. Staying in touch and trying to probe the endless reasons of why a relationship ended is frustrating and doesn't do anything more than prolong an uncomfortable "friendship" and slow down the healing process. Honestly the best possible thing you can do is write it off as a forever unknown and walk away. The nature of human curiosity and existing feelings makes it hard as hell but I've honestly found that step 1 of moving on is not answering the question "WHY?" but riding off into the proverbial sunset, cutting contact, and realizing that people and relationships are crazy and 98% the time the person that called off the relationship probably couldn't give a logical answer for "Why?" anyway.

[ODSN]

That feel when you see the best in your ex boyfriend even though he treated you like chit at the end. That feel when you keep hoping he'll realize you love him.

That feel when he was always suspicious of you cheating because he was cheated on in the past - and it turned out instead that he was cheating on you. All those feels, alone in bed with my laptop on a Saturday night.

[chirashi]

Just saw ex of 9 months with another guy. I assumed she had another guy already but actually seeing her with another guy in person...feels raw. (First time I've seen her since the breakup). She wasn't holding hands or anything so I assume it was a date but that crap still hurts. She didn't see me and luckily my friends kept me in line and convinced me I shouldn't talk to her.

I'm doing MUCH better since the breakup thanks to NC so I'm just going to chalk this up as temporary pain. The darn thing is I wouldn't have ran into her if I didn't insist on walking to the pier. Things happen for a reason so I'm just going to keep moving on.

That feel when you see the best in your ex boyfriend even though he treated you like chit at the end. That feel when you keep hoping he'll realize you love him.

That feel when he was always suspicious of you cheating because he was cheated on in the past - and it turned out instead that he was cheating on you. All those feels, alone in bed with my laptop on a Saturday night.

Damn. Looking back, we always remember the good qualities. I've always wondered whether if it's easier to get over someone if they seriously screwed up (cheated) in some way. From what I've read here though, I don't think it makes a difference.

How did you find out? I'm sorry to hear that but maybe this will be the hump that will let you get over him for good.

[ODSN]

How did you find out? I'm sorry to hear that but maybe this will be the hump that will let you get over him for good.

I don't wanna get into the details. It wasn't sex, but random making out and crossing boundaries in certain ways. I do still see the good in him despite everything. I think though it finally hit me that this person does not respect me and that my needs are not important to him. And I can't abandon myself.

Sorry about you having to see that (your ex).

Sounds kind of weird, but we are all gonna die one day...that's for sure. We all have some time left to ourselves. Better do something good with that time instead of crying over a person who you have no future with. Do something you believe in

[shador1]

No contact for 3 months, need advice.

I keep bumping into my ex at work and it's a dagger to my heart each time. I skip the sadness part and go straight into anger. It's so stupid and I see pain in her face every time we lock eyes. Or maybe it's all in my head and I want to lie to myself that she still want to be with me or that I meant something to her.

I don't understand what went wrong, what in the hell just happened. I've tried to see other people but have been canceled on so many times and it's just so frustrating that this is the dating life. It sucks because I compare that she has options and that I don't. I feel like she's having such an easy time and I'm struggling with myself, my emotions, my thoughts and my identity.

Life seems so dull. I'm doing the best that I can everyday but it's a constant battle. I know I'm doing this to myself and I'm driving myself mad. I obsess about this a majority of the day, it's like a bad movie going on in my brain and it's on loop. I'm so sick of this, sick of myself, sick with the thoughts of her.

I can't find closure. I know she cannot give me closure so breaking NC is useless. It's just so painful and confusing. I know deep down I still love her and care deeply but I don't know what to do with my life. (Even though I am doing something with it. Working, school full time and exploring my hobbies.)

Cliff

-We met through work.
-She left a 7 year relationship. She broke it off because her dad passed away and her ex wasn't there for her. He went to Vegas to party for a week.
-She was still living with him while we started to talk. She eventually moved out and we became a little more serious.
-She didn't want a relationship at first, so I took it slow with her.
-She eventually asked me to be her boyfriend after 6 months of unofficial dating
-I was her 2nd relationship and 2nd sexual partner
-She has self esteem issues
-She sexted a married man during our relationship(he is a coworker) in the Summer of 2012, we worked through this because she came clean with me
-She told me she has an issue with needing attention
-She has emotional problems
-She is very intelligent, has everything but emotional maturity isn't developed.

Breaking up
-She brought up moving in together, having a future, no warnings of a breakup
-A day after our 1 year official anniversary, she decided she wanted to leave the relationship to be alone.
-I am in extreme NC. I removed her off FB and all mutual friends. Deleted her number. No checking up, nada.

Post break up
-Working out
-Going out
-Just started Martial Arts
-Reading everything about personal development
-Making new friends
-Exploring things I didn't have the time to when I was in a relationship
-Reconnecting with old friends
-Talking to a therapist
-Finishing my degree this October

Problem
-Still work with ex
-Still in love with ex
-Sees ex is in pain
-Thinks ex wants us back
-Reminds himself that ex is no good, constant internal struggle with thoughts and emotions
-Strapped in on emotional roller coaster and wants out
-Really really confused about life

What do I do?

Oh man wtf my current gf is exactly the same. Works at the same place, she ended a 8 year LTR and started dating me even though she didnt want a relationship at first, I was her 2nd etc etc including the self esteen issue. Up until the moving in so far its the same story. Now you put this in my head and Im gonna expect it to end the same way!

As for the advice, from my experience sadly a new girl may be the best cure.

[admles]

Hmmm...... bit of a dilemma here....


Over 4 months NC, but I've just seen there's flooding all through her home town, and parts are being evacuated

I would like to know she's okay, but I REALLY don't want to talk to her.

Should I just get over NC and ask her (which I don't want to do), or just message mutual friends from her home town and just say something like "saw about the flooding, you guys all okay?" ?