Day 47: Saturday, Dec.15, 2012
Getting my ****t back together.
So yeah, haven't updated this for a few days. Made posts for yesterday and Thursday, for the sake of consistency and my OCD. But yeah I guess last weekend wasn't enough, even though I started this week pretty strong I lost sight of my goals/motivation these last couple days. No excuses, I just wanted the food more than I wanted my goals. Lost track of priorities and was unable to restrain myself. So yeah, willpower and motivation need improvement. Really pissed at myself because I'm so far from where I need to be and I don't even know if I can get there by my goal of February now, yet I'm still dickking around and spinning my wheels. I'm where I was at the end of like week 4, and it's nearly week 8. Instead of making progress I'm undoing the progress I've already made. I don't want to look how I do now a year from now, or even 6 months from now, but at this rate that's what's going to happen. Nothing scares me more than that - not making progress. If I'm not improving myself, or even worsening myself, then I'm wasting my time. My time is limited (wanna be improved by my goal time of Juneish), and therefore extremely valuable and I cannot afford to be squandering it like I have my entire life.
Trying not to get too upset about it, because it's done and the only thing I can do about it is look forward from here and move on. I've made this mistake before so I should've learned already, but evidently I didn't. No drastic fasting or anything, but I'll probably drop my calories for the rest of December.
This is a full time commitment, and that's something that should be kept in mind at all times. This isn't something that's only done when motivated or when in the absence of good food or when you feel like working out; this is a LIFESTYLE. You either do or you don't; there is no half-assing it, no inbetween. It's important to remember your macros, caloric deficit, and to lift, but it is infinitely more important to remember that your goals are priority #1 and that you want them more than ANYTHING else. If you forget WHY you're doing it then the means by which you do it are meaningless.