Depression Discussion and Support Thread [srs]

[Deathstroke]

<----------------------------------- bipolar

[xavengedx23]

been very angry and aggressive
hate everything so much
i cant sleep
im working 9 hours then sleeping for 2 or 3 at night. im ready to crack.

Go haywire in the gym mane. Alternatively, channel the anger towards something that will benefit you or won't have a negative impact

[KayronF]

<----------------------------------- bipolar

I used to get angry ..but I don't anymore. I just get sad like oh, this feeling again. I feel like that is a sign that I truly have given up when I don't even get mad at myself anymore.

[smitty2250]

Go haywire in the gym mane. Alternatively, channel the anger towards something that will benefit you or won't have a negative impact

dont even lift

****
work in 3 hours on no sleep
way too fykkin wired

dont even understand. i slept like 3 hours the last 3 nights. im fukked. if any kunt gives me a hard time at work im gonna have an episode

[BigTimePlayer]

Everything you say, I go through. Except for the fact that I am in a bed all day fatigued and you are able to goto the gym. I took antipsychotics that slowed down my metabolism and turned me fat. Im off them but I still feel weak. I wish I can have a girlfriend but I am really ugly now. I see a horrible future in me.

Yeah, it ****ing sucks being like this. Not sure what my future will look like either. I'm not a bad looking guy, but I always just feel so terrible. My brain chemistry I think is just all ****ed up. I don't want to wake up & be 40 years old & still like this.

[hidingwithmusic]

Yeah, it ****ing sucks being like this. Not sure what my future will look like either. I'm not a bad looking guy, but I always just feel so terrible. My brain chemistry I think is just all ****ed up. I don't want to wake up & be 40 years old & still like this.

This all started for me about seven years ago. I have been in a psyche ward almost twenty times. I have went into remission twice but I do not know how to do it again. I recently weened off of a bunch of medication. I only take an antidepressant now and after years I can finally say that they dont do ****. I am feeling so poor that I am not starting school for the first time in years next semester. I just can not get out of bed. My muscle tone is so bad that you can see zero definition in my body. I am the worst case of skinny fat I have been in my life as well. I just have a complete loss of energy. The beginning of all this started my senior year in highschool when I got braces. I had to remove four teeth from my mouth before putting them in and it was disgusting to see myself. Girls who once liked me now told eachother how ugly I am and it hurt the most that I had to be in school every single day to remind me. The holes filled up but then the profile of my face has changed.... for the worse. You can not even see my bone structure in my face or anything. Its the most depressing. I have no friends anymore to hangout with and before when girls would throw themselves at me, now I get completely ignored by them. I dont even know who I am anymore and my life just feels like it is now over and all I ever really ask for is a way to fix my face.

[BigTimePlayer]

This all started for me about seven years ago. I have been in a psyche ward almost twenty times. I have went into remission twice but I do not know how to do it again. I recently weened off of a bunch of medication. I only take an antidepressant now and after years I can finally say that they dont do ****. I am feeling so poor that I am not starting school for the first time in years next semester. I just can not get out of bed. My muscle tone is so bad that you can see zero definition in my body. I am the worst case of skinny fat I have been in my life as well. I just have a complete loss of energy. The beginning of all this started my senior year in highschool when I got braces. I had to remove four teeth from my mouth before putting them in and it was disgusting to see myself. Girls who once liked me now told eachother how ugly I am and it hurt the most that I had to be in school every single day to remind me. The holes filled up but then the profile of my face has changed.... for the worse. You can not even see my bone structure in my face or anything. Its the most depressing. I have no friends anymore to hangout with and before when girls would throw themselves at me, now I get completely ignored by them. I dont even know who I am anymore and my life just feels like it is now over and all I ever really ask for is a way to fix my face.

Damn dude, sorry to hear that. Have you tried different anti-depressants to try? Maybe the one your on now isn't the right one for you. Since I hear one med will work for one person but not for another. It's basically a trial & error thing. There's been plenty of times where I wanted to just drive to my hospital to be placed in the psych ward. I just don't want that on my personal record though since I always think jobs will think twice before hiring me if they know I was in some psych ward.

Also want to add that I'm likely going to have to get some MRIs done in a few weeks on my sinuses, ear, and possibly jaw/brain. Since I've been having clicking/grating/popping sounds near my right ear forever. And it's causing me all ****ed up symptoms. So I have that to worry about as well. Like I said, I still can't believe I'm in the position I'm in right now.

[hidingwithmusic]

Damn dude, sorry to hear that. Have you tried different anti-depressants to try? Maybe the one your on now isn't the right one for you. Since I hear one med will work for one person but not for another. It's basically a trial & error thing. There's been plenty of times where I wanted to just drive to my hospital to be placed in the psych ward. I just don't want that on my personal record though since I always think jobs will think twice before hiring me if they know I was in some psych ward.

Also want to add that I'm likely going to have to get some MRIs done in a few weeks on my sinuses, ear, and possibly jaw/brain. Since I've been having clicking/grating/popping sounds near my right ear forever. And it's causing me all ****ed up symptoms. So I have that to worry about as well. Like I said, I still can't believe I'm in the position I'm in right now.

Have you seen a dentist and seen if it is tmj? I have clicking and popping on my jaw, but 3 dentists said it wasn't. How did you bring this up to a doctor for them to determine you need an MRI? What did you complain was wrong?

[BigTimePlayer]

Have you seen a dentist and seen if it is tmj? I have clicking and popping on my jaw, but 3 dentists said it wasn't. How did you bring this up to a doctor for them to determine you need an MRI? What did you complain was wrong?

My dentist thought it was TMJ & only made me a night guard. But it's done absolutely nothing to fix my symptoms. All a night guard seems to do is protect the teeth but it does nothing for the jaw itself. I'm getting symptoms like ear pain, brain fogginess, a burning in my sinuses at times, spitting up greenish phlegm that I thought was coming from my eustachian tube in my ear. So right now I'm on antibiotics, sinus spray, & allergy medicine. But it's not doing **** for my symptoms. The ENT said that if it don't work I'll likely have to get MRIs on my sinuses & ear. As well as a hearing test. Probably in 2 weeks I'll have to go. I'm starting to think it's some sort of muscular issue with my jaw or something causing these problems. I just hope the tests will show something since this **** is effecting me a lot.

[epicbruh]

dont even lift

****
work in 3 hours on no sleep
way too fykkin wired

dont even understand. i slept like 3 hours the last 3 nights. im fukked. if any kunt gives me a hard time at work im gonna have an episode

sounds like you might be burned out, probably should go see a doc

[BigTimePlayer]

Can't stand the overwhelming low mood feeling. It just always hits me out of nowhere.

[Cold187um]

Depression ****in sucks and I know a lot of feels that you guys have posted. I can deal with the sadness that it brings and general feeling of pity but its the constant fatigue/tiredness that gets to me. It affects my gains, the gym (some days im so tired i can barely lift) and makes it difficult to be mentally sharp whilst at work. That constant 'brain fog' is ****in annoying and all i want is to just wake up one day and feel well rested and happy. Not hard to ask is it?

[KayronF]

Man you know another thing that gets me? I notice everyone in this thread are good people. I feel like all we want is to be happy and would never play/hurt anyone, especially people we know and care about. Why are we the targets for this beast called depression? I don't want to hurt my family and friends by killing myself but I don't want to be in pain anymore either. None of this is right, I just want to be the positive guy I once was a few years ago.

[War Machine]

Man you know another thing that gets me? I notice everyone in this thread are good people. I feel like all we want is to be happy and would never play/hurt anyone, especially people we know and care about. Why are we the targets for this beast called depression? I don't want to hurt my family and friends by killing myself but I don't want to be in pain anymore either. None of this is right, I just want to be the positive guy I once was a few years ago.

Testify

[J_A24]

Depressed brah here, I'm really starting to consider medication. I've been depressed for years and years, but I'm hitting the bottom of the barrel right now. I've lost all motivation to pursue my goals and dreams...

I can't avoid it anymore.

[BeardBrahhh]

^^^I hear you there.

I'm pretty sure I got some genetic chit working against me beause my mom is straight up crazy bipolar. I love her but she has alot of issues. Myself, no matter what I end up in a depressed state every few months. I cant time it exactly but its definitely 2 or 3 times a year for 2 to 6 weekish periods for me. If I'm lucky I am given a legit reason to be depressed and then that makes it so much worse. But then there are the times when everything is seemingly fine in my life and then out of no where the fog hits my brain and I just feel unmotivated, unhappy, and lost for weeks. Been feeling like this since I was about 11 years old. The only thing I found that made it better was smoking weed but of course it turned into smoking all day every day just to feel normal. Finally quit that a while back and now just dealing with the gloominess all natural. Thought about trying out meds and seeing a psychiatrist but I've heard such negative feedback on alot of antidepressants that I just dont think I'm sold on taking them. IDK. This feeling sure does suck though. Normally I dont even talk about this chit. Everyone in my life is the type that would just tell me to harden the fk up and get over it. Thing is, there is nothing to get over. Its just a chit feeling that I didnt even choose to feel.

[BigTimePlayer]

^^^I hear you there.

I'm pretty sure I got some genetic chit working against me beause my mom is straight up crazy bipolar. I love her but she has alot of issues. Myself, no matter what I end up in a depressed state every few months. I cant time it exactly but its definitely 2 or 3 times a year for 2 to 6 weekish periods for me. If I'm lucky I am given a legit reason to be depressed and then that makes it so much worse. But then there are the times when everything is seemingly fine in my life and then out of no where the fog hits my brain and I just feel unmotivated, unhappy, and lost for weeks. Been feeling like this since I was about 11 years old. The only thing I found that made it better was smoking weed but of course it turned into smoking all day every day just to feel normal. Finally quit that a while back and now just dealing with the gloominess all natural. Thought about trying out meds and seeing a psychiatrist but I've heard such negative feedback on alot of antidepressants that I just dont think I'm sold on taking them. IDK. This feeling sure does suck though. Normally I dont even talk about this chit. Everyone in my life is the type that would just tell me to harden the fk up and get over it. Thing is, there is nothing to get over. Its just a chit feeling that I didnt even choose to feel.

I wonder if it's somewhat genetic for me too. I think my mom has depression, so I wonder if that's part of the reason why I have it. My brother & dad don't have it though so who really knows. But yeah, depression is the worst feeling ever. It's amazing how an invisible disease can take over your life so much.

[War Machine]

Can't stand the overwhelming low mood feeling. It just always hits me out of nowhere.

that's how it usually is for me as well.

Right now for instance

I wonder if it's somewhat genetic for me too. I think my mom has depression, so I wonder if that's part of the reason why I have it. My brother & dad don't have it though so who really knows. But yeah, depression is the worst feeling ever. It's amazing how an invisible disease can take over your life so much.

My dad had an aunt who was a shut in.

One of my dads brothers is standoffish

My mom known to be depressed

One of my sisters has high anxiety

That's what I know of

[Deathstroke]

that's how it usually is for me as well



My dad had an aunt who was a shut in.

One of my dads brothers is standoffish

My mom known to be depressed

One of my sisters has high anxiety

That's what I know of

Well my dad and sister think I'm bipolar, or edgy because I went through a rough patch and ran from my problems and fears rather than face them. I spent a lot of time withdrawing and staying inside or in the background.

Cognitive helps with my bipolar. Exposure therapy has helped a ton with my phobia of places. I couldn't pick up my own daughter from school for a bit. Always afraid what other parents, and kids may think of me. Now I've actually replaced those fears of bad comes with thoughts of realistic outcomes.

Bad outcome: I will go pick up my daughter and kids will think I'm a weird dad, and the other more successful parents will see me as a loser.
Realistic outcome: I will go pick up my daughter and no one will think anything of it. Kids will see me as a dad, and other parents and teachers there will see me as a students parent.

I been reading more, too. This is something I am copying from a cognitive website, for anyone:

Situation: A friend invites you to a big party.
Thought #1:
The party sounds like a lot of fun. I love going out and meeting new people!
Emotions:
Happy, excited
Thought #2:
Parties aren’t my thing. I’d much rather stay in and watch a movie.
Emotions:
Neutral
Thought #3:
I never know what to say or do at parties. I’ll make a fool of myself if I go.
Emotions:
Anxious, sad

[BigTimePlayer]

that's how it usually is for me as well.

Right now for instance



My dad had an aunt who was a shut in.

One of my dads brothers is standoffish

My mom known to be depressed

One of my sisters has high anxiety

That's what I know of

****ing sucks brah. It's ruining my life so bad. I see a pysch on Monday since I was kinda encouraged to by my primary doctor. But I know they won't do anything for me. I had a bad experience last year with a psych who didn't seem to give a **** about me at all. Having unrelated health problems from depression/anxiety as well that I'm still trying to resolve. Probably will have to get a bunch of MRIs done in 2 weeks to see if they can figure out what's wrong.

[War Machine]

I'd love to have my brain scanned.

[BigTimePlayer]

I'd love to have my brain scanned.

Seems my body is on a clock. Usually feel okay late at night, but from the time I wake up to the evening it's always unpredictable in how I'll feel. Very rarely do I have a day where I'd actually feel fine throughout the day.

[CrazySerbian]

I'd love to have my brain scanned.

I don't believe in God or Heaven but I wish I could ask him wtf was wrong with me after I die. The pain I feel everyday should be reserved to murderers and rapists. I don't deserve to feel like killing myself everyday, I'm not a bad guy. ****. I feel like I'm cursed. Someone wants me to be miserable until I die. I don't know how much longer I can cope...

[tehfinkster]

Ugh...I guess if there's any thread on misc I can bitch in this is the one. I hate putting my problems out there for any other people. You all are busy enough.

So here I am on a Saturday night laying in bed and not doing anything. I don't have any friends I can text or call to hang out with. I feel socially awkward out at bars trying to meet new people and holding conversations. Maybe it's the way I gesture or the tone I say things? It's pretty frustrating. I used to be able to talk to anybody about anything and now I feel like people are just *******s toward me.

I have so many things I could do to better myself but I don't know why I can't just focus on getting my **** together and do them. I stopped smoking weed and am currently trying nofap just so I don't feel as worthless about myself. I procrastinate so bad it's killing me.

I have a problem finishing the things I start. That's if I even start doing things. God wtf is wrong with me. I don't want some medication I just want to feel like I used to and get exciting about things other than beating off or smoking or sleeping.

You guys remember how it felt when your parents said yes if you could spend the night at your best friend's on a Friday night? I want that feeling again, and I don't want any drugs to help me feel that way. I REALLY REALLY hope that accomplishments will help me feel the same way because if not we've got a major problem. I just need to get up and do something about it huh?

Sorry I know a lot of you in this thread are a lot worse off than me but compared to how the feelings I used to be able to feel......... I feel like I'm numb to life and it's a very very dark and cold place.

[mordei]

Ugh...I guess if there's any thread on misc I can bitch in this is the one. I hate putting my problems out there for any other people. You all are busy enough.

So here I am on a Saturday night laying in bed and not doing anything. I don't have any friends I can text or call to hang out with. I feel socially awkward out at bars trying to meet new people and holding conversations. Maybe it's the way I gesture or the tone I say things? It's pretty frustrating. I used to be able to talk to anybody about anything and now I feel like people are just *******s toward me.

I have so many things I could do to better myself but I don't know why I can't just focus on getting my **** together and do them. I stopped smoking weed and am currently trying nofap just so I don't feel as worthless about myself. I procrastinate so bad it's killing me.

I have a problem finishing the things I start. That's if I even start doing things. God wtf is wrong with me. I don't want some medication I just want to feel like I used to and get exciting about things other than beating off or smoking or sleeping.

You guys remember how it felt when your parents said yes if you could spend the night at your best friend's on a Friday night? I want that feeling again, and I don't want any drugs to help me feel that way. I REALLY REALLY hope that accomplishments will help me feel the same way because if not we've got a major problem. I just need to get up and do something about it huh?

Sorry I know a lot of you in this thread are a lot worse off than me but compared to how the feelings I used to be able to feel......... I feel like I'm numb to life and it's a very very dark and cold place.

Is there anything you're passionate about?

Stay away from drugs and alcohol, try to socialize as much as possible, find what gives you even a few seconds of relief and stick with it. Aside from those obvious things, internalize the idea that its gonna take alot of time and work to find yourself again.

[CrazySerbian]

Just learned that one of my best friends got a BJ from a girl I was trying to **** for a long time. I don't feel betrayed because he knew I didn't want a serious relationship with this girl but man it hurts my ego that she didn't want anything to do with me after I took her out on dates and she does it with him one night when she's drunk. **** this. I'm good looking but I'm so bad with women it's crazy.

[smitty2250]

just thinking about life I wanna smash the fukk out of things
I want to cut off my fingers and make people see
I want to see their fukkin horrified faces
I hate every kunt

[smitty2250]

wtf is wrong with me im a fukkin psycho

[Dabonusballa]

wtf is wrong with me im a fukkin psycho

Nah, it just sounds like you need some sleep. If I recall correctly you said you've had 3 hours of sleep in 3 days? I'd start saying the same shyt if I went that long with only 3 hours of sleep.

[smitty2250]

Nah, it just sounds like you need some sleep. If I recall correctly you said you've had 3 hours of sleep in 3 days? I'd start saying the same shyt if I went that long with only 3 hours of sleep.

got 10 last night
im wired
I think things like this all the time
I want to hurt myself and make people watch and scream and laugh at them
I dunno fukk
im just fukked in the head