My journey to find balance

[rickiecoombs]

Three days 'til Wednesday... three days 'til Wednesday... three days 'til Wednesday...

*rocking back and forth anxiously*

[Redfizz]

Come on, Little Bean!

So what are you doing to fill your time now that you cannot work out right now?

[marathonmom262]

Three days 'til Wednesday... three days 'til Wednesday... three days 'til Wednesday...

*rocking back and forth anxiously*

Hahaha seriously!!! I try my hardest to put that out of my mind but I can't! Too many what-ifs to think about - both good bad and indifferent (no news this early can mean all is well but then the anxiety until the next visit to find something out is unbearable!!!)

[Redfizz]

Hahaha seriously!!! I try my hardest to put that out of my mind but I can't! Too many what-ifs to think about - both good bad and indifferent (no news this early can mean all is well but then the anxiety until the next visit to find something out is unbearable!!!)

When is your next appointment again? If it's this Wednesday, get your snow shovel ready! (And hand it to your kids. LOL)

[marathonmom262]

Come on, Little Bean!

So what are you doing to fill your time now that you cannot work out right now?

This is gross but in the evenings I do my best to stay in the recliner with my feet up. I am really achy and tired right now with everything stretching and growing so it actually helps me feel better too. So lots of TV and playing solitaire on my phone haha! I feel so lazy but I'm almost afraid to do much of anything - my brain goes back to seeing a heartbeat last September an me still running and then no heartbeat later. I am sure they are not related but still... makes me feel safer to stay lazy and also not have hubs upset with me (he hasn't caught me squatting in the kitchen while I heat up my oatmeal yet haha - gotta keep the legs moving a little to avoid aches too!)

I do feel bad I don't have the energy to play games with the kids when I get home from work and I am really cranky, but hopefully this will pass in another 4 weeks or so!

You ladies make sure you are getting some good work in for me!! I am still dreaming of rocking a tank top and a big belly while lifting at the gym this summer - hope my dreams come true!!

[marathonmom262]

When is your next appointment again? If it's this Wednesday, get your snow shovel ready! (And hand it to your kids. LOL)

Yes!!! It is this Wednesday so I am nervous about the fact that my daughter might be off of school! I have no idea what we will do - might have to check with my sons daycare/ preschool to see if it is an option to do a drop-in day with her. So much stress!! :/

Oh - and I turned in my resignation last night and accepted a new job - too much going on at once!

[Cardioconvert]

Thinking of you MM.

Just wanted you to know.

CC

[Redfizz]

Hi MM!

I am sending you lots of positive thoughts today!

[marathonmom262]

Thinking of you MM.

Just wanted you to know.

CC

Thanks CC!! I appreciate it!!

[marathonmom262]

Hi MM!

I am sending you lots of positive thoughts today!

Thanks Red! I could really use it today - have a bit of a mess going on with my resignation that I am working out (apparently my new company contracted services from my current company through April which I was completely unaware of... What a nightmare...)

I actually called last night and moved my ultrasound appointment to Thursday. It looks like the heaviest snow will be during my appt so I figured it is best to just push back a day and be safe.

No sleep again last night between anxiety and my nasty nighttime nausea so I'm looking pretty rough today. Damn I miss coffee and wine this week!!

[dreahere]

You ladies make sure you are getting some good work in for me!! I am still dreaming of rocking a tank top and a big belly while lifting at the gym this summer - hope my dreams come true!!

Love that so much Sending you and the lil bean all the positive vibes I can muster. And just to let you know, I'm doing my part--not only am I endeavoring to do work at the gym, I'm also having your coffee and wine for you

[jjeane]

My thoughts will be with you and little bean on Thurs MM. I hope you don't get too snowed in and that spring is around the corner. You will rock the tank this summer!!

[marathonmom262]

Love that so much Sending you and the lil bean all the positive vibes I can muster. And just to let you know, I'm doing my part--not only am I endeavoring to do work at the gym, I'm also having your coffee and wine for you

Haha - I was totally counting on you with the wine and coffee drea - and Bailey's in the coffee at that Thanks for the positive vibes!!

My thoughts will be with you and little bean on Thurs MM. I hope you don't get too snowed in and that spring is around the corner. You will rock the tank this summer!!

Thanks jj!! I'm getting more nervous yet kind of cautiously optimistic at the same time. I feel like crap the last few days, lack of sleep probably has a lot to do with it, but feeling like crap makes me think good stuff is happening down in there. Less than a day until I get to see what is going on in there!

[Echo814]

Hey MM!

Still sending positive thoughts your way not only with the little bean but your job mess too

The snow storm out east is pretty epic I think about all my Amazon sisters and bb.com friends out there and hope all is well and safe

Hopefully you can nap and get some rest today.

[marathonmom262]

Hey MM!

Still sending positive thoughts your way not only with the little bean but your job mess too

The snow storm out east is pretty epic I think about all my Amazon sisters and bb.com friends out there and hope all is well and safe

Hopefully you can nap and get some rest today.

Thank you! I could SO use a nap today. I came home yesterday and got in bed for about an hour, had dinner with the fam, then went back to bed at 9pm and didn't get up until after 8 this morning. Wow!

I'm pissed about our snowstorm - we are right on the line in MD where it turned out to be just plain crap. We got maybe an inch of snow earlier this morning, they called off school and closed basically everything around us like govt offices, daycares, etc, then it turned to a rain/sleet mix. Just about all of our snow is gone now because it's been mostly heavy rain. It's supposed to switch back over to snow again after dark tonight, but then again they said this morning it would switch over around lunchtime here and it's still just a raining. And to think I moved my ultrasound for this!!! I'm bummed for my kids - I was really hoping they would get one good snow here this winter to play in, the weathermen have been wrong about us every time this winter and we're always just on the side of the line that ends up with nothing but sleet. Oh well - gives bean an extra day to grow before waving at mama on the screen

[Redfizz]

I am sad, too!!!! Booooo! This winter was a big ol'bust. But I agree about giving your little one some extra time to flex for the ultrasound! ((((MM & Lil' Bean))))

[DieselsMom]

good luck today MM (HUG)

[gobbles23]

Thinking of you today...Good Luck!


8hugs*

Edit- that was supposed to be *hugs* but I guess 8 hugs are better

[marathonmom262]

I am sad, too!!!! Booooo! This winter was a big ol'bust. But I agree about giving your little one some extra time to flex for the ultrasound! ((((MM & Lil' Bean))))

Big ol bust indeed! Okay, if that's all we're getting then let's get some sunshine and warm weather going for us out here. I'm done with the cold!

good luck today MM (HUG)

Thank you!!! Hope you had a great vacation - looking forward to reading all about it!!

Thinking of you today...Good Luck!


8hugs*

Edit- that was supposed to be *hugs* but I guess 8 hugs are better

Thanks Lori - I'll take all the hugs I can get so if you have 8 to spare that is awesome


So ladies - today was a good day. I'm still not totally anxiety free as last time I saw a heartbeat around 7 weeks and it was later not there but....

I did get to see my little bean today with a fluttery little heart! Bean measured 6 weeks 6 days (based on my LMP I'm 8 weeks today but it took so long for the test to come back positive when I thought I was pregnant that makes a lot of sense). Heartbeat was nice and strong at 136 BPM Instead of a due date of 10/17 based on LMP, the measurements show a due date of 10/25 - I'll have to wait and see what my doc says when I go in for my first big prenatal appointment on Monday. He'll probably pick one and then when I go for my first trimester screening in about 5-6 weeks they'll do another ultrasound and it should give a better picture of my due date (of course I went into labor a week early with both of my kids so who knows!!).

So far so good... thanks for all of the good thoughts and prayers. I won't have much more to report until I get out of the first trimester and get all of these tests done. I really plan to stay pretty lazy and inactive until I get out of the first trimester. Hopefully my little guns won't completely disappear and I can break them out again in April for some decent work haha

[dreahere]

I am so happy for you!!!!

[jjeane]

I am so happy for you!!!!

Me too!!! Hugs!

[Redfizz]

I am so happy for you!!!!

Me, three!

So was this THE big milestone appointment?

[Luvdogs]

Me, four! This is exciting! Big congrats.

[marathonmom262]

I am so happy for you!!!!

Thank you!!! I was almost dancing in the parking lot when we left, well I would have danced but I was too damn hungry. Getting hungry a lot lately and hoping I don't turn into a hippo too quickly!

Me too!!! Hugs!

Thank you jj!!!

Me, three!

So was this THE big milestone appointment?

Thanks Red! Yeah - I would say this is the first of a few big milestones for me. My doctor's appt Monday is more routine at this point (an hour filling out the same old huge laundry list of genetic information about the family then meeting with the doc afterward - about two hours overall!) - since I'm 35 I'll have more first trimester tests than I did in the past. I think I'll have some more bloodwork to do in the next week or 2, then the big screenings for me being an older mom (I can't remember what they call it but it's annoying haha) somewhere between 11 and 13 weeks. That about when I'll start getting nervous again because everything lines up about 4 weeks from now when I should be able to hear a heartbeat on a doppler - last time I got to the 11 week mark to find no heartbeat on the doppler, was sent for another ultrasound and discovered bebe didn't make it. Hopefully this little one is stronger and will be in there doing some good full body routines and growing little muscles over the next 4 weeks so that he/she can flex for me at my "older mom" ultrasound haha

Me, four! This is exciting! Big congrats.

Thank you Julia! It's so nice to share this with you ladies because it is so exciting and we still aren't telling any of our family and friends here. Hubs is very private, so I'm staying quiet until he is ready (and we want to tell our kids first but will wait until we are absolutely sure!).

So thank you guys for being here for me to share all of this excitement with - it really helps me so I don't combust!!!

[DieselsMom]

MM sooo happy to hear that you got to see/hear the heartbeat. One step in a long dance but still closer to the end. I totally understand the not saying anything and kids blab everything so becomes a secret from all. In our lives no one knows of our second loss we didn't say anything so was a private affair between my husband and myself.

[marathonmom262]

MM sooo happy to hear that you got to see/hear the heartbeat. One step in a long dance but still closer to the end. I totally understand the not saying anything and kids blab everything so becomes a secret from all. In our lives no one knows of our second loss we didn't say anything so was a private affair between my husband and myself.

Thanks DM! Yep - a long dance for sure but glad to get part of the way through it. I really just cannot wait until the first tri is over - I feel like crap getting out of bed in the morning haha!

Yep - hubs and I are pretty sure his parents know something is up because we needed his mom to watch Kenny on Thursday while we went for the u/s and she asked flat out because she wondered why Ken needed to take me to an appointment. He kind of diverted but I'm sure it didn't work, luckily they are giving us some privacy and not getting all crazy about it - I'm sure they know it is easier for us to not get all worked up when you never know what can happen. We've never been able to keep any of our losses to ourselves - the first one I was in the second trimester so everyone knew (and I mean everyone, which made it tough to go back to work, etc). I've had 4 D&Cs now and all of the later losses were after having 2 kids so we needed a little help with taking me to surgeries or watching kids, etc. I know it's good to have such an amazing support network, but when you're trying to keep some stuff to yourself (and they know your history so well) they are all over you at the slightest hint of anything good or bad!!

Doctor's appointment later today, doc mentioned on the phone Friday he saw a slight separation of the placenta on my u/s so it's good I've been sticking to my "take it easy" lifestyle. I guess I'll hear more about this today - hopefully something that will take care of itself and not be a problem :/

Happy Monday!

[jjeane]

MM,
You will be in my thoughts and prayers today. Don't have time to type more but sending you positive everything!! Keep us posted!

[Redfizz]

I am sending you prayers and good thoughts!

[rickiecoombs]

Teaching today, but I can teach and pray, too. <3 Sending more love than you could possible imagine.

[DieselsMom]

Ditto everyone elses and adding my own ((HUGS))