What rustles your jimmies - Part II

[DaniGrrl]

He is telling what he is thinking...through his actions.
You deserve better, sweets. ((hugs))

Hate to say it and hate to think it, but you're right. I wish I didn't like him....my heart has been broken so many times over this past year. And it was the first time I felt like I could trust someone.

And with that.......he just texted me. Stuck in traffic.

BRB....gonna go bash my head against the wall!!!!

[whatevergirl]

Hate to say it and hate to think it, but you're right. I wish I didn't like him....my heart has been broken so many times over this past year. And it was the first time I felt like I could trust someone.

And with that.......he just texted me. Stuck in traffic.

BRB....gonna go bash my head against the wall!!!!

[penny0527]

Hate to say it and hate to think it, but you're right. I wish I didn't like him....my heart has been broken so many times over this past year. And it was the first time I felt like I could trust someone.

And with that.......he just texted me. Stuck in traffic.

BRB....gonna go bash my head against the wall!!!!

Tell him "that sucks" and go on about your day. You're investing to much give a sh!t at this stage in the game

[Wyomann]

Hate to say it and hate to think it, but you're right. I wish I didn't like him....my heart has been broken so many times over this past year. And it was the first time I felt like I could trust someone.

And with that.......he just texted me. Stuck in traffic.

BRB....gonna go bash my head against the wall!!!!

How long have you been seeing this guy?, cause if it's since December and this is how you two are with each other it's a REALLY bad sign.

[DaniGrrl]

How long have you been seeing this guy?, cause if it's since December and this is how you two are with each other it's a REALLY bad sign.

Its hard to say really but definitely not since December. That Christmas convo was just a convo before class started one day, though it stuck in my mind bc i was interested and it made me wonder if he'd be a bad gift-giver. Was married to one of those - not fun!!

It's only been a few weeks for sure....and it's VERY casual. I've had stuff with my kids, he's had work stuff....and I don't have my own place so that throws a wrench in the works a little. We can't get together too often. Plus I am proceeding with caution until things with my marriage are entirely final. He knows I am separated but separated is not divorced so I am well aware that could be factoring into his thought process here in some way. I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt a little bc of that. We are definitely not at a point where we are checking in with each other and it's still in early stages. Part of it is I just don't know how to do this!!! I am fine with things moving slowly and being on the casual side for the time being. But answer my stupid text!!!!! Which he did 4 hours later. And maybe that's normal and it's me who is not. Lol.

[Fawnl]

Its hard to say really but definitely not since December. That Christmas convo was just a convo before class started one day, though it stuck in my mind bc i was interested and it made me wonder if he'd be a bad gift-giver. Was married to one of those - not fun!!

It's only been a few weeks for sure....and it's VERY casual. I've had stuff with my kids, he's had work stuff....and I don't have my own place so that throws a wrench in the works a little. We can't get together too often. Plus I am proceeding with caution until things with my marriage are entirely final. He knows I am separated but separated is not divorced so I am well aware that could be factoring into his thought process here in some way. I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt a little bc of that. We are definitely not at a point where we are checking in with each other and it's still in early stages. Part of it is I just don't know how to do this!!! I am fine with things moving slowly and being on the casual side for the time being. But answer my stupid text!!!!! Which he did 4 hours later. And maybe that's normal and it's me who is not. Lol.

Well, I know I am not normal, but to be fair 4 hrs isn't that long. I sometimes don't even check my phone for an entire day... I don't know, I have never been very into the cell phone thing. If he had an event that was planned with his family on the monday (Maybe he didn't know) so he did that for a morning, then hopped into the car at noon hoping to get back to see you and then got stuck in traffic... Then he realized he wasn't going to make it time to do anything with you, so he thought he would text you and got your text at that point.

Try not to think of this guy as the way your husband was. You've only been seeing each other for a couple weeks, you don't know his lifestyle or anything. If you KNEW that he was a compulsive phone checker, THEN you should be pissed.

I would assume he had every hope to hang out with you, but sometimes things don't work out as planned. If it becomes a constant thing, there is a problem. But I think you MIGHT be reading way too much into it. Having been hurt and your heart broken multiple times this year, that would be a normal defensive reaction. But this guy hasn't even really had a chance to show you who he is. My husband never gets gifts until the week before Christmas either. And not getting a gift for his mom until the day of mothers day... I don't get my mom ANYTHING for mothers day. Not because I am a bad daughter, it's just not what we do. It may not be the way other people do it, but that doesn't mean it's wrong or that it is cause for concern.

Just a different perspective... I am sorry your having to do this all over. Dating is friggen HARD. Trying to read between all the damn lines is exhausting.

[latebloomingmom]

<<<< warning temperamental and demanding female

see its one thing if they give ya a heads ups
"baby I got to go my son is calling"

great I get that..
but its another thing if you are in middle of a conversation
they ask a question..you answer and then a big fat nothing...silence
no explanation..see now that just ticks me off

[Wyomann]

<<<< warning temperamental and demanding female

see its one thing if they give ya a heads ups
"baby I got to go my son is calling"

great I get that..
but its another thing if you are in middle of a conversation
they ask a question..you answer and then a big fat nothing...silence
no explanation..see now that just ticks me off

LBM!!!! Are you dating again?

[MikeNice81]

snip

For some reason I stay on spread with you. Great advice. People are to quick to assume the worst and assume they're right.

Just open up and talk. Ask what happened and pay attention during conversation. You'll be surprised at all the things you learn and how much less stressful life will become.

Just ask. Then get out of your head. As Elliott Hulse says, listen to your heart and body. When you spend to much time in your head you get disconnected from the instinctual flow of life and cause your own neurotic stresses.

[Squatticus]

Did you text and were ignored, or you had to tell a girl it wouldn't work out?

If the latter, I'm sure it sucks but at least you let her know what's up. And I have to think this guy is not going to want to have that conversation with me. Not only do we take class together, but for the past 6 months or even longer, he would make it a point to put his mat next to me, so I knew that he was also interested in me. But now the guy who teaches class always sets up our mats for us - with him next to me. So which one of us moves our spot now?

I'm just disappointed in his behavior. HE is the one that initiated this whole thing. I know the situation sucks, and if it had been just any guy, I wouldn't have reciprocated because the timing is kind of awful. But corny as this sounds, there was a part of me that sort of felt that maybe the timing wasn't as bad as it seemed given the way things have been transpiring in my life. Maybe that was just wishful thinking on my part. He seems to be a bit flakey about certain things. It was Mother's Day morning and he still hadn't gotten his mom anything. At Christmastime, he was telling me he hadn't bought any gifts and it was less than a week before Christmas and he was going to have to do all of his shopping that weekend. But he seems genuinely interested in my kids, in my job, in my life. We always have a lot to talk about. We seem to get along really well. He holds doors for me, is very affectionate. So I don't know.

I just hate not knowing what a person is thinking.

-stayed over at her place on sunday
-woke up monday morning and left around 11 to spend a few hours with my family
-I text her later and start getting one word responses.
-apparently she canceled clients so she could spend the day with me and feels like i slapped her in the face. also said she asked me to stay and i ignored her.
maybe i really am a douche

[penny0527]

-stayed over at her place on sunday
-woke up monday morning and left around 11 to spend a few hours with my family
-I text her later and get start getting one word responses.
-apparently she canceled clients so she could spend the day with me and feels like i slapped her in the face. also said she asked me to stay and i ignored her.
maybe i really am a douche

Is this the same woman? If I remember correctly she is not the best at saying what she means. If she wanted to spend the day with you she should have told you in advance she cancelled her appointments. People are not mind readers.....men & women alike.

[Wyomann]

-stayed over at her place on sunday
-woke up monday morning and left around 11 to spend a few hours with my family
-I text her later and get start getting one word responses.
-apparently she canceled clients so she could spend the day with me and feels like i slapped her in the face. also said she asked me to stay and i ignored her.
maybe i really am a douche

You stayed till 11am, isn't that spending the day. She needs 24/7 or what, holy **** lol.

Edit: Although she did plan the rest of the day with you, so she should have made that clear. Also, you are a dbag for not wanting to spend the whole day with her anyways.

[Manc33]

Planned obsolescence rustles my jimmies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planned_obsolescence

Not even illegal. If stuff like this isn't illegal then why have laws at all?

[penny0527]

Planned obsolescence rustles my jimmies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planned_obsolescence

Not even illegal. If stuff like this isn't illegal then why have laws at all?

Technology is pretty much obsolete once I take it off the shelf. Always something better.

[DaniGrrl]

-stayed over at her place on sunday
-woke up monday morning and left around 11 to spend a few hours with my family
-I text her later and start getting one word responses.
-apparently she canceled clients so she could spend the day with me and feels like i slapped her in the face. also said she asked me to stay and i ignored her.
maybe i really am a douche

I don't think you're a douche.....sounds like some kind of miscommunication to me. Especially if it's like Penny said and she hasn't been so good at communicating what she wants. Do something nice to make it up to her

[DaniGrrl]

Well, I know I am not normal, but to be fair 4 hrs isn't that long. I sometimes don't even check my phone for an entire day... I don't know, I have never been very into the cell phone thing. If he had an event that was planned with his family on the monday (Maybe he didn't know) so he did that for a morning, then hopped into the car at noon hoping to get back to see you and then got stuck in traffic... Then he realized he wasn't going to make it time to do anything with you, so he thought he would text you and got your text at that point.

Try not to think of this guy as the way your husband was. You've only been seeing each other for a couple weeks, you don't know his lifestyle or anything. If you KNEW that he was a compulsive phone checker, THEN you should be pissed.

I would assume he had every hope to hang out with you, but sometimes things don't work out as planned. If it becomes a constant thing, there is a problem. But I think you MIGHT be reading way too much into it. Having been hurt and your heart broken multiple times this year, that would be a normal defensive reaction. But this guy hasn't even really had a chance to show you who he is. My husband never gets gifts until the week before Christmas either. And not getting a gift for his mom until the day of mothers day... I don't get my mom ANYTHING for mothers day. Not because I am a bad daughter, it's just not what we do. It may not be the way other people do it, but that doesn't mean it's wrong or that it is cause for concern.

Just a different perspective... I am sorry your having to do this all over. Dating is friggen HARD. Trying to read between all the damn lines is exhausting.

Not texting back right away does seem to be normal behavior for him.....I am one of those habitual phone checkers and tend to answer any text as soon as it comes in. I have not noticed him to be always on his phone. Matter of fact, I've rarely seen him pull his phone out. But neither do I when we have been hanging out because I'm focusing my attention on the person I am with, you know? But I do know he was on ******** after I texted him which is irksome.

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt about not coming home. Im not sure what purpose it would have served him to mention it at all, and it is entirely possible that he was trying to let me know he'd want to hang out if he could. He did say that he wasnt sure what was going to be going on with his family and whether he'd be able to come home early or not, and he texted me at close to 10pm saying traffic sucked. Though there is a small part of me right now thinking that he texted me by accident, and that his text was meant for someone else given he didn't have anything to say after that. No, not abnormal behavior for him in any way so again I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt. The only frame of reference I have is another guy I had been talking to several months ago who would text me 5 minutes after we left each other. It's like one extreme or the other!!!!! LOL And what is typical for one person is not typical for all.

I am disappointed, of course. Like I said, there's a part of me that thinks if he wanted to spend time with me enough, he would have come home. Though I have no idea what the deal is with his family, if his parents expect him to stay, the family obligations he has and whatnot. He seems pretty tight with his family, and it's only been a short time. We aren't boyfriend/girlfriend. And it's not like he came home at noon and blew me off. He was driving back at 10pm.

But....in the end, his actions will speak louder than words. He knows where to find me, and I don't have anything else going on besides my kids so I'll do me and do them and get my **** together and not put all my eggs in that basket. It will all work itself out if it's meant to be. I think deep down he is a good guy, and even though we have known each other for a year+, we are still getting to know each other. And I'm in no rush. I just need to stop overthinking and giving a fuk so much. Worrying/wondering/stressing isn't going to change the outcome, and if I stop giving a fuk, the outcome won't bother me as much if it's negative.

<<<< warning temperamental and demanding female

see its one thing if they give ya a heads ups
"baby I got to go my son is calling"

great I get that..
but its another thing if you are in middle of a conversation
they ask a question..you answer and then a big fat nothing...silence
no explanation..see now that just ticks me off

I'm right there with ya! My friends do that, too, so it's not just a man thing, or not something that only this guy does. It just bugs the crap out of me when I'm literally in the middle of a conversation with a person and there is no response! My friend asked me a question one day about how things were going. I gave this long answer about everything that happened and she NEVER responded. Not like she responded a couple hours later. She never responded!!! WTF? Why ask if you weren't going to comment??? I'm sure she got busy or something popped up right at the time, but at least respond later! This happens so often with just about everyone so I know that it's just something I need to get used to, but that doesn't make it less annoying LOL

[Wyomann]

Not texting back right away does seem to be normal behavior for him.....I am one of those habitual phone checkers and tend to answer any text as soon as it comes in. I have not noticed him to be always on his phone. Matter of fact, I've rarely seen him pull his phone out. But neither do I when we have been hanging out because I'm focusing my attention on the person I am with, you know? But I do know he was on ******** after I texted him which is irksome.

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt about not coming home. Im not sure what purpose it would have served him to mention it at all, and it is entirely possible that he was trying to let me know he'd want to hang out if he could. He did say that he wasnt sure what was going to be going on with his family and whether he'd be able to come home early or not, and he texted me at close to 10pm saying traffic sucked. Though there is a small part of me right now thinking that he texted me by accident, and that his text was meant for someone else given he didn't have anything to say after that. No, not abnormal behavior for him in any way so again I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt. The only frame of reference I have is another guy I had been talking to several months ago who would text me 5 minutes after we left each other. It's like one extreme or the other!!!!! LOL And what is typical for one person is not typical for all.

I am disappointed, of course. Like I said, there's a part of me that thinks if he wanted to spend time with me enough, he would have come home. Though I have no idea what the deal is with his family, if his parents expect him to stay, the family obligations he has and whatnot. He seems pretty tight with his family, and it's only been a short time. We aren't boyfriend/girlfriend. And it's not like he came home at noon and blew me off. He was driving back at 10pm.

But....in the end, his actions will speak louder than words. He knows where to find me, and I don't have anything else going on besides my kids so I'll do me and do them and get my **** together and not put all my eggs in that basket. It will all work itself out if it's meant to be. I think deep down he is a good guy, and even though we have known each other for a year+, we are still getting to know each other. And I'm in no rush. I just need to stop overthinking and giving a fuk so much. Worrying/wondering/stressing isn't going to change the outcome, and if I stop giving a fuk, the outcome won't bother me as much if it's negative.

Ya, but is that really what you want? To not give a fuk encase the outcome is bad? It sounds like what you really want is to continue liking this guy and for him to reciprocate those feelings and pay more attention to you or at least respond to your text so you know he cares/is interested.

This is where people think games are being played. Just tell him straight up what you want or what you are expecting or ask him questions. I mean if he is a reasonable guy he'll understand your concerns and can at least discuss them with you. If he gets freaked out or wants to end things then you just saved yourself a ****load of time with someone who isn't compatible with your style of dating/relationship.

my .02

[broad.stance]

-stayed over at her place on sunday
-woke up monday morning and left around 11 to spend a few hours with my family
-I text her later and start getting one word responses.
-apparently she canceled clients so she could spend the day with me and feels like i slapped her in the face. also said she asked me to stay and i ignored her.
maybe i really am a douche

You both messed up. Text messages are for notifications. The less you rely on them for interpersonal relationships, the better off you'll be.

[penny0527]

You both messed up. Text messages are for notifications. The less you rely on them for interpersonal relationships, the better off you'll be.

Amen

[MikeNice81]

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt about not coming home. Im not sure what purpose it would have served him to mention it at all, and it is entirely possible that he was trying to let me know he'd want to hang out if he could. He did say that he wasnt sure what was going to be going on with his family and whether he'd be able to come home early or not, and he texted me at close to 10pm saying traffic sucked.

He said that he didn't know if he could make it. He then texted you to be conversational about traffic. Which, by the way, is letting you know he didn't make it home. He told you he might not and he didn't. He probably didn't feel the need to apologize for not keeping plans he never made.

Though there is a small part of me right now thinking that he texted me by accident, and that his text was meant for someone else given he didn't have anything to say after that. No, not abnormal behavior for him in any way so again I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt.

How did you respond? The benefit of the doubt about what? He said he was going to spend time with his family somewhere else. If he came home you guys could get together. He didn't come home. So why assume he was doing anything besides playing Call of Duty with a cousin or looking through a family album with his Mom? He did not act in any way that is abnormal and texted you to start a conversation when he started home. Yet, you assume he was texting you by accident.

Please take this with all the love that is meant. You need to seek help dealing with your trust issues and need for validation. You have self esteem issues that you need to work on before you get involved long term with anyone.

I am disappointed, of course. Like I said, there's a part of me that thinks if he wanted to spend time with me enough, he would have come home. Though I have no idea what the deal is with his family, if his parents expect him to stay, the family obligations he has and whatnot. He seems pretty tight with his family, and it's only been a short time. We aren't boyfriend/girlfriend.

Then you are not more important than his family and he really shouldn't be expected to want to blow them off for time with you. This idea that he must not want to be with you because he was doing something else is asinine. He has decades more time invested in those relationships. Plus, as those people are aging he has less time to spend with them in the future. Time with those people has a higher emotional return in the short term and long term. Getting to know a new girl that may or may not be around in six months has less emotional return on investment.

He may very well want to get to know you.

But....in the end, his actions will speak louder than words. He knows where to find me, and I don't have anything else going on besides my kids so I'll do me and do them and get my **** together and not put all my eggs in that basket. It will all work itself out if it's meant to be. I think deep down he is a good guy, and even though we have known each other for a year+, we are still getting to know each other. And I'm in no rush. I just need to stop overthinking and giving a fuk so much. Worrying/wondering/stressing isn't going to change the outcome, and if I stop giving a fuk, the outcome won't bother me as much if it's negative.

This whole part is you writing him off. You might as well move on. You've already heaped too many expectations on him, and now you're actually blaming him for not meeting needs you never told him you had. You're basically saying "it isn't exactly what I wanted when I wanted, so I don't give a fukk." Worrying, wondering, and stressing isn't going to change the outcome, but I think you have already decided you're getting the outcome you expected and wanted. You expect men to be a certain way from past experience and when they meet those expectations it validates your notion. It doesn't matter if they actually did what you expected or you assume they did. Either way it validates your belief system and you can continue to feel right and comfortable.

I know that sounds harsh, but it isn't meant to be. It is what I see from my training and experience dealing with people. You need to work on communication, let go of your past, and learn to look for intrinsic motivation and validation.

I'm right there with ya! My friends do that, too, so it's not just a man thing, or not something that only this guy does. It just bugs the crap out of me when I'm literally in the middle of a conversation with a person and there is no response! My friend asked me a question one day about how things were going. I gave this long answer about everything that happened and she NEVER responded. Not like she responded a couple hours later. She never responded!!! WTF? Why ask if you weren't going to comment??? I'm sure she got busy or something popped up right at the time, but at least respond later! This happens so often with just about everyone so I know that it's just something I need to get used to, but that doesn't make it less annoying LOL

I do this sometimes. I text somebody and then something comes up and I get distracted. I get the text message and read it, but go back to the new thing. Then by the time everything settles down I have forgotten, or just figure it has been too long. That is one reason I've gotten away from FB and text. I just call people if I need to tlk or want to check on them.

[MikeNice81]

It rustles my Jimmies that I seem to be on permanent spread with the people in this thread. lol

[MikeNice81]

Planned obsolescence rustles my jimmies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Planned_obsolescence

Not even illegal. If stuff like this isn't illegal then why have laws at all?

For things like murder and things that. Plus with the way technology evolves now it would possibly ensnare too many honest companies.

[Big_Sky_Guy]

You both messed up. Text messages are for notifications. The less you rely on them for interpersonal relationships, the better off you'll be.

You must be a Wizard!

[latebloomingmom]

LBM!!!! Are you dating again?

ummmmm...not really..errr not yet..ummm maybe

[latebloomingmom]

Not texting back right away does seem to be normal behavior for him.....I am one of those habitual phone checkers and tend to answer any text as soon as it comes in. I have not noticed him to be always on his phone. Matter of fact, I've rarely seen him pull his phone out. But neither do I when we have been hanging out because I'm focusing my attention on the person I am with, you know? But I do know he was on ******** after I texted him which is irksome.

I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt about not coming home. Im not sure what purpose it would have served him to mention it at all, and it is entirely possible that he was trying to let me know he'd want to hang out if he could. He did say that he wasnt sure what was going to be going on with his family and whether he'd be able to come home early or not, and he texted me at close to 10pm saying traffic sucked. Though there is a small part of me right now thinking that he texted me by accident, and that his text was meant for someone else given he didn't have anything to say after that. No, not abnormal behavior for him in any way so again I'm trying to give the benefit of the doubt. The only frame of reference I have is another guy I had been talking to several months ago who would text me 5 minutes after we left each other. It's like one extreme or the other!!!!! LOL And what is typical for one person is not typical for all.

I am disappointed, of course. Like I said, there's a part of me that thinks if he wanted to spend time with me enough, he would have come home. Though I have no idea what the deal is with his family, if his parents expect him to stay, the family obligations he has and whatnot. He seems pretty tight with his family, and it's only been a short time. We aren't boyfriend/girlfriend. And it's not like he came home at noon and blew me off. He was driving back at 10pm.

But....in the end, his actions will speak louder than words. He knows where to find me, and I don't have anything else going on besides my kids so I'll do me and do them and get my **** together and not put all my eggs in that basket. It will all work itself out if it's meant to be. I think deep down he is a good guy, and even though we have known each other for a year+, we are still getting to know each other. And I'm in no rush. I just need to stop overthinking and giving a fuk so much. Worrying/wondering/stressing isn't going to change the outcome, and if I stop giving a fuk, the outcome won't bother me as much if it's negative.



I'm right there with ya! My friends do that, too, so it's not just a man thing, or not something that only this guy does. It just bugs the crap out of me when I'm literally in the middle of a conversation with a person and there is no response! My friend asked me a question one day about how things were going. I gave this long answer about everything that happened and she NEVER responded. Not like she responded a couple hours later. She never responded!!! WTF? Why ask if you weren't going to comment??? I'm sure she got busy or something popped up right at the time, but at least respond later! This happens so often with just about everyone so I know that it's just something I need to get used to, but that doesn't make it less annoying LOL

exactly..if it was a phone conversation and someone asked you a question about how you are doing or how the kids are doing or how it the job and you were just starting to answer and they hung up..piss ya right off right?

[DaniGrrl]

Ya, but is that really what you want? To not give a fuk encase the outcome is bad? It sounds like what you really want is to continue liking this guy and for him to reciprocate those feelings and pay more attention to you or at least respond to your text so you know he cares/is interested.

This is where people think games are being played. Just tell him straight up what you want or what you are expecting or ask him questions. I mean if he is a reasonable guy he'll understand your concerns and can at least discuss them with you. If he gets freaked out or wants to end things then you just saved yourself a ****load of time with someone who isn't compatible with your style of dating/relationship.

my .02

He said that he didn't know if he could make it. He then texted you to be conversational about traffic. Which, by the way, is letting you know he didn't make it home. He told you he might not and he didn't. He probably didn't feel the need to apologize for not keeping plans he never made.



How did you respond? The benefit of the doubt about what? He said he was going to spend time with his family somewhere else. If he came home you guys could get together. He didn't come home. So why assume he was doing anything besides playing Call of Duty with a cousin or looking through a family album with his Mom? He did not act in any way that is abnormal and texted you to start a conversation when he started home. Yet, you assume he was texting you by accident.

Please take this with all the love that is meant. You need to seek help dealing with your trust issues and need for validation. You have self esteem issues that you need to work on before you get involved long term with anyone.



Then you are not more important than his family and he really shouldn't be expected to want to blow them off for time with you. This idea that he must not want to be with you because he was doing something else is asinine. He has decades more time invested in those relationships. Plus, as those people are aging he has less time to spend with them in the future. Time with those people has a higher emotional return in the short term and long term. Getting to know a new girl that may or may not be around in six months has less emotional return on investment.

He may very well want to get to know you.



This whole part is you writing him off. You might as well move on. You've already heaped too many expectations on him, and now you're actually blaming him for not meeting needs you never told him you had. You're basically saying "it isn't exactly what I wanted when I wanted, so I don't give a fukk." Worrying, wondering, and stressing isn't going to change the outcome, but I think you have already decided you're getting the outcome you expected and wanted. You expect men to be a certain way from past experience and when they meet those expectations it validates your notion. It doesn't matter if they actually did what you expected or you assume they did. Either way it validates your belief system and you can continue to feel right and comfortable.

I know that sounds harsh, but it isn't meant to be. It is what I see from my training and experience dealing with people. You need to work on communication, let go of your past, and learn to look for intrinsic motivation and validation.



I do this sometimes. I text somebody and then something comes up and I get distracted. I get the text message and read it, but go back to the new thing. Then by the time everything settles down I have forgotten, or just figure it has been too long. That is one reason I've gotten away from FB and text. I just call people if I need to tlk or want to check on them.

All very much appreciated advice! I know I have communication issues but I suppose I just expect guys to not want to discuss these sorts of things early on, but maybe I am wrong about that.

Don't get me wrong - I don't expect an apology that he didn't come home, and you are right on all points. When he texted me about the traffic, I specifically asked him how long he's been stuck and he didn't answer me. Seems odd not to answer a direct question like that but maybe it's like you say - it was just his way of letting me know he didn't come home.

I know I need to relax about this whole thing.....it will work itself out somehow, however it is meant to. Thank you both for your advice and help!

[MikeNice81]

I know I need to relax about this whole thing.....it will work itself out somehow, however it is meant to. Thank you both for your advice and help!

I'm just glad you didn't take it the wrong way. I really hope that you find someone to make you happy. This guy might not be it. Just be open though. If a guy isn't willing to communicate early on he isn't going to later. If anything communication becomes harder over time. I've been married for the better part of a decade. Communication is the main area we have to keep working on. Overtime you begin to assume the other person understands, or we want to protect their feelings, or whatever. If you can't do it in the beginning you won't be able to do it in six years.

I wish you the best.

[sy2502]

So what if our jimmies are just rustled but we can't pinpoint the reason?

[penny0527]

So what if our jimmies are just rustled but we can't pinpoint the reason?

Just blame someone. Or just blame the opposite sex

[sy2502]

Just blame someone. Or just blame the opposite sex