Desperate need advice. Marriage/break-up/emotional affair related

[liuzhoudragon]

Hello, I am posting this here for srs replies instead of the misc where there response to girl questions is always either sleep with her more or break-up.

Warning LONG..reps for srs replys.

Recently me and my fiance have been fighting about marriage or breaking-up (4 year relationship). This very morning I slip a ring on her finger as she sleeps and ask her to marry me, she says yes, all is good, past problems are past, no more cold feet, happy tears are shed, etc.

This noon, 5 hours after accepting marriage. I see a glass plaque on her desk. I pick it up and it has a heart in the middle, says I love you. At this point I am suspicous. The names on the bottom are chinese (working in china, girl is chinese, I am white but am fluent). They are not names. I think about for a while before I remember 1 is my girls online account name in QQ (pretty much chinese msn). The other I don't remember immedietly. my GF says she got it from a girl.......seems odd for girl to give a rose plaque with I love you to another girl...but chinese culture is a little more mushy. Finally I recongnize it as the 2nd online account name of a guy I am highly suspicous of.

I told her to stop talking to the guy since she talked to him on his 1st account name more than everyone else combined. After the hundredth time she sudenly stops. I am happy for a while but later find she is talking the same ammount to another person. I later find out it is the same guys second account. She says it is a girl at first I later figure out for sure it is the same guy and she admits it later. For some reason I let them keep talking...He is in Europe, We are in China....want to be trusting...can't be a physcial affair based on logistics...I let it slide.

Why do I hate this guy, 1 he pursued my gf/finace/wife before, 2 he has admitedly to be privately and honestly that he loves her 3. He is her closest relationship outside of me and family. 4. Secret account to talk to my gf 5. sends romantic gift to women who maybe married may break up soon. He is honest I must admit..the gf is the one the lies about him because she know I loathe them speaking.

I confrot my girl and she admits (under pressure) that he sent it. She also tells me she has told him about our recent relationship troubles because she needs someone to vent to and he is her best friend. I trust he is best friend....but romantic feelings are there....and my gf in my mind should draw the line.

So i sort of blow up because of the lies (on proposal day no less). She cries and says she was wrong morally,still loves me wants to marry, etc. I trust physically they are seperate.
The guy even texts me saying he can't help but like/love her, but they never would do anything. He wishes us well and hopes I don't hurt her.

recently my temper has been worse since working out, but I still think I have a legit grip here. So I guess this is an emotional affair?

What do you all think? I can add more info if you ask I know it is a long read, thanks in advance.

[Kemo1990]

people of the female misc need to learn what ****ing cliffs are

[PotatosGonPotat]

I had a hard time understanding this post but my only advice is to grow some balls and set your boundaries straight

[Kemo1990]

Hello, I am posting this here for srs replies instead of the misc where there response to girl questions is always either sleep with her more or break-up.

Warning LONG..reps for srs replys.

Recently me and my fiance have been fighting about marriage or breaking-up (4 year relationship). This very morning I slip a ring on her finger as she sleeps and ask her to marry me, she says yes, all is good, past problems are past, no more cold feet, happy tears are shed, etc.

This noon, 5 hours after accepting marriage. I see a glass plaque on her desk. I pick it up and it has a heart in the middle, says I love you. At this point I am suspicous. The names on the bottom are chinese (working in china, girl is chinese, I am white but am fluent). They are not names. I think about for a while before I remember 1 is my girls online account name in QQ (pretty much chinese msn). The other I don't remember immedietly. my GF says she got it from a girl.......seems odd for girl to give a rose plaque with I love you to another girl...but chinese culture is a little more mushy. Finally I recongnize it as the 2nd online account name of a guy I am highly suspicous of.

I told her to stop talking to the guy since she talked to him on his 1st account name more than everyone else combined. After the hundredth time she sudenly stops. I am happy for a while but later find she is talking the same ammount to another person. I later find out it is the same guys second account. She says it is a girl at first I later figure out for sure it is the same guy and she admits it later. For some reason I let them keep talking...He is in Europe, We are in China....want to be trusting...can't be a physcial affair based on logistics...I let it slide.

Why do I hate this guy, 1 he pursued my gf/finace/wife before, 2 he has admitedly to be privately and honestly that he loves her 3. He is her closest relationship outside of me and family. 4. Secret account to talk to my gf 5. sends romantic gift to women who maybe married may break up soon. He is honest I must admit..the gf is the one the lies about him because she know I loathe them speaking.

I confrot my girl and she admits (under pressure) that he sent it. She also tells me she has told him about our recent relationship troubles because she needs someone to vent to and he is her best friend. I trust he is best friend....but romantic feelings are there....and my gf in my mind should draw the line.

So i sort of blow up because of the lies (on proposal day no less). She cries and says she was wrong morally,still loves me wants to marry, etc. I trust physically they are seperate.
The guy even texts me saying he can't help but like/love her, but they never would do anything. He wishes us well and hopes I don't hurt her.

recently my temper has been worse since working out, but I still think I have a legit grip here. So I guess this is an emotional affair?

What do you all think? I can add more info if you ask I know it is a long read, thanks in advance.

cliffs for those that dont want to read
-OP is a little beta bitch
-girlfriend begins to sense his beta bitchness
-OP finds his girl cyber sexing with another guy on internet
-OP is a *******

[liuzhoudragon]

I had a hard time understanding this post but my only advice is to grow some balls and set your boundaries straight

people of the female misc need to learn what ****ing cliffs are

for the sake of clarity Cliffs

Ask GF to marry me in the morning
find romanitc gift for guy in Europe at lunch
Get lied to about source until I figure it out.
Gf and guy both sorry and calling me.
Nothing physcial happend, found out about emotional affair on same day as asking for marriage.

[Kemo1990]

for the sake of clarity Cliffs

Ask GF to marry me in the morning
find romanitc gift for guy in Europe at lunch
Get lied to about source until I figure it out.
Gf and guy both sorry and calling me.
Nothing physcial happend, found out about emotional affair on same day as asking for marriage.

bro thats exactly what i just said

[rockangel]

break up with her and be glad you found this out before you actually married her.

[liuzhoudragon]

bro thats exactly what i just said

I believe your cliffs involved the words bitch bitchiness ******* and beta

[rockangel]

I believe your cliffs involved the words bitch bitchiness ******* and beta

He got you there kemo,

[Kemo1990]

He got you there kemo,

semantics

[liuzhoudragon]

semantics

I am not above asking for a rep though. Mirin rep power.

[Kemo1990]

I am not above asking for a rep though. Mirin rep power.

i neg rep beggers srs. so ill just pretend i didnt see that

[acrawlingchaos]

bro thats exactly what i just said

You could (on occasion) actually try to give useful information. Calling someone a *******, beta or douchebag kind of loses it's effect when you use these terms as punctuation.

The way you chime on every post on relationships makes me think you're a foreveraloner. Maybe we can help you? Are you having girl problems? Need help finding the love of your life? Perhaps you just need a hug?

I'm here for you man.

[acrawlingchaos]

I neg rep beggers srs. so ill just pretend i didnt see that

I neg mean people.


Maybe I'll neg you unless you rep OP :P

[acrawlingchaos]

...

The advice I can offer is this. If there is no trust in the relationship and no respect for boundries, than I do not see the relationship being successful.

Whether or not you can trust that she will do this is something you have to decide. I would be cautious though, as she has repeatedly lied to you, and is (in effect) having an emotional affair (which can be just as devestating).

[Kemo1990]

You could (on occasion) actually try to give useful information. Calling someone a *******, beta or douchebag kind of loses it's effect when you use these terms as punctuation.

The way you chime on every post on relationships makes me think you're a foreveraloner. Maybe we can help you? Are you having girl problems? Need help finding the love of your life? Perhaps you just need a hug?

I'm here for you man.

you caught me broseiden. really a 45 year old man in my moms basement. spend most of my time playing WoW and trying to make 12 year olds on the internet cry to hide my pain

[acrawlingchaos]

you caught me broseiden. really a 45 year old man in my moms basement. spend most of my time playing WoW and trying to make 12 year olds on the internet cry to hide my pain

............ so did you want that hug or not?

[pUniCepts]

You could (on occasion) actually try to give useful information. Calling someone a *******, beta or douchebag kind of loses it's effect when you use these terms as punctuation.

The way you chime on every post on relationships makes me think you're a foreveraloner. Maybe we can help you? Are you having girl problems? Need help finding the love of your life? Perhaps you just need a hug?

I'm here for you man.

this

break up with her and be glad you found this out before you actually married her.

and this

You don't trust her, which is justified. The fact that she lies (repeatedly) about talking to another guy (even after you asked her to stop) means she's having an emotional relationship, or she doesn't feel she can be open with you. Doesn't really matter which it is. Cut your losses.

[Kemo1990]

............ so did you want that hug or not?

hug? sure...LETS DO THIS!!!!!!

[liuzhoudragon]

interesting thread that goes off course mostly is interesting but goes off course mostly.

I am more mad about the lieing than I am the gift actually. Me, her and him are all in the same company, and I will be taking her to the states soon....thus leaving him in Europe and working in china....while we are in america. So in a few month they won't ever see face to face......but I made her promise today that she never says a word to him.

Not sure if this sounds beta, but caring what people on the internet think sounds pretty beta to me. I am going to trust but verify...verify incredibly close.

sick of lieing.

[42thpianist]

She probs wants dat dere Green Card, so she'll marry you, stay with you a couple of years, divorce you, then somehow get the dude over to the States. Worst case scenario, obviously, but have a good think about it.

[Kemo1990]

interesting thread that goes off course mostly is interesting but goes off course mostly.

I am more mad about the lieing than I am the gift actually. Me, her and him are all in the same company, and I will be taking her to the states soon....thus leaving him in Europe and working in china....while we are in america. So in a few month they won't ever see face to face......but I made her promise today that she never says a word to him.

Not sure if this sounds beta, but caring what people on the internet think sounds pretty beta to me. I am going to trust but verify...verify incredibly close.

sick of lieing.

one day you will realize how stupid that plan is...end well this will not. leave her now or you'll get screwed in the long run

[Lunu]

So she talks to a guy who she describes as her 'best friend' and the only one she feels she can confide in, who is admittedly in love with her, does it behind your back and keeps an 'I love you' plaque that he gave her on her desk? Then lies to you about the whole thing when you confront her?! She sounds like a keeper :/

[AlleeKat]

I post on forums a lot, but hardly spend any time IM'ing and can't comprehend why someone would feel the need to enter into a relationship with another person via. the internet and never being able to meet. OP, unfortunately your fiance isn't just in a relationship with you, she is in a relationship with someone else. If you have any self respect you won't continue this three way relationship and cut ties with her.

If she can't give him up and he is just someone she chats with, then I find it extremely strange. I ended things with my SO when he kept contacting a girl from his past and until I was sure he was done with it I did not consider getting back with him. You have to set standards.

[britchick884]

break up with her and be glad you found this out before you actually married her.

^^^^^THIS

Lies have no place in a relationship.

[OutOfPlace]

You have the relationship of my parents. This is what my mom did to my dad, she's a whore. It first started out after I was born she flew to a different state to see "a friend" same thing happen two years ago with a different guy. I feel so bad for my dad, because he still loves her. They fight a lot and I'm surprised they haven't divorced yet. Get out while you can op, she'll be doing this her entire life. Most Asian woman are sloots(not hating cause I am too, just truth)

[Wyomann]

OP,

From reading your post it is clear you are searching for some redeeming quality that can make this relationship work, because you love her. The relationship is DOOMED. Get the **** out now, srs. She has a ****ing plaque from another man that says I love you, she lied to you about all of it....Come on dude.

I know it is hard to leave a relationship when you are the one in it and there are still strong emotions, but from an outside perspective you would be in store for a lifetime of misery. It doesn't matter that it is only emotional at this point; the fact that she has allowed herself to romantically love another man and text/chat with him daily and lied about all of it should be enough for you to end it.

Sorry bro

[lynore]

Doesn't look too good. Please find someone you can fully trust. You deserve better. Good luck to you.

[Artistry]

You could (on occasion) actually try to give useful information. Calling someone a *******, beta or douchebag kind of loses it's effect when you use these terms as punctuation.

The way you chime on every post on relationships makes me think you're a foreveraloner. Maybe we can help you? Are you having girl problems? Need help finding the love of your life? Perhaps you just need a hug?

I'm here for you man.

-Sigh- I did not need coffee on my monitor this morning. Would rep but I'm fresh out.

@ OP: I think "emotional affair" is the best term for this. It's one thing to remain attached to a best friend of the opposite sex, but lying about it is a huge red flag. Going to have to add another vote for running. If you were already married, it might be something you could work through (I don't like the concept of marriages seeming disposable), but something like this, given the timing, would negatively affect the marriage before it even had a chance. Sorry.

[Kemo1990]

-Sigh- I did not need coffee on my monitor this morning. Would rep but I'm fresh out.

@ OP: I think "emotional affair" is the best term for this. It's one thing to remain attached to a best friend of the opposite sex, but lying about it is a huge red flag. Going to have to add another vote for running. If you were already married, it might be something you could work through (I don't like the concept of marriages seeming disposable), but something like this, given the timing, would negatively affect the marriage before it even had a chance. Sorry.

you're supposed to be my main lady and have my back...youve been demoted to sancha