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Thread: Swamp Ass

  1. #1
    Banned slootslayer's Avatar
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    Swamp Ass

    For the last week I have been dealing with horrible swamp ass. Im at the gym and have to stop lifting to go to the restroom and wipe my anus.
    Im just sitting here now MISCing and again I gotta wipe my ass again.

    To make matters worse my anal spincter is becoming sore from all the wiping. I get blood on the TP as well.




    Worried its colitis or something.








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  2. #2
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    youre butthole is just chapped


    have youre boyfriend cover it in saliva before buttsex
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  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by BENNAYBOY View Post
    youre butthole is just chapped


    have youre boyfriend cover it in saliva before buttsex

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    What do you mean swamp ass?

    Sweaty ass? Like a creamy discharge? Smelly?

    Be more descriptive if you want help, "swamp ass" could be anything from poor hygiene to serious conditions..
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    Originally Posted by Spazzzzy View Post
    What do you mean swamp ass?

    Sweaty ass? Like a creamy discharge? Smelly?

    Be more descriptive if you want help, "swamp ass" could be anything from poor hygiene to serious conditions..
    loose poo sitting at the spincter making it feel uncomfortable....bloody at times
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    Stop eating.
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    Invest in baby wipes and clean dat angus.. It's like you never chit to begin with
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    A lot of blood or just a small amount as in you've wiped too much?
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    Originally Posted by sippiboy1987 View Post
    Invest in baby wipes and clean dat angus.. It's like you never chit to begin with

    May need to do this
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    Diet brah. You need more fiber and water.

    You ge swamp ass because when you ****, poops is getting stuck mid spincter. Your anus responds by salivating to loosed the stool remnants so it can be discharged.
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    Originally Posted by Spazzzzy View Post
    A lot of blood or just a small amount as in you've wiped too much?
    Its not alot of blood but its from the colon and also from over-wiping
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    Originally Posted by r1nzler View Post
    Diet brah. You need more fiber and water.

    You ge swamp ass because when you ****, poops is getting stuck mid spincter. Your anus responds by salivating to loosed the stool remnants so it can be discharged.
    Thanks...makes sense
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    Originally Posted by slootslayer View Post
    For the last week I have been dealing with horrible swamp ass. Im at the gym and have to stop lifting to go to the restroom and wipe my anus.
    Im just sitting here now MISCing and again I gotta wipe my ass again.

    To make matters worse my anal spincter is becoming sore from all the wiping. I get blood on the TP as well.




    Worried its colitis or something.







    (no butt sex...no homo)
    I thought this was about super pump or no explode.
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    I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

    No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.

    I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

    I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

    Little did I know.

    I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

    Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic ****- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

    Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: “It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.”

    Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair – ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

    As if that wasn’t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn’t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

    Brahs, DON’T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
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    Originally Posted by slootslayer View Post
    Its not alot of blood but its from the colon and also from over-wiping
    So you're ****ting out blood?

    Could be a lot of things..

    most likely to be hemorrhoids or an anal fistula both of which are fairly common. Have you noticed a change in regularity? Pooping 5 times a day anything like that?

    that'd be more characteristic of UC, however if there's just a bit of blood switch to baby wipes and increase water + fibre intake.
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    Originally Posted by PetWussy View Post
    I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

    No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.

    I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

    I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

    Little did I know.

    I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

    Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic ****- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

    Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: “It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.”

    Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair – ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

    As if that wasn’t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn’t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

    Brahs, DON’T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
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  17. #17
    Registered User gstallion13's Avatar
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    re:

    no homo!! whoever even assumes that first measure is strange. but maybe you should get that checked out. or perhaps it may be something you are eating pre workout.
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    sucks brah
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  19. #19
    Registered User mattj1x's Avatar
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    Shave your anus hair and possibly get the anus bleached.
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  20. #20
    Banned slootslayer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Spazzzzy View Post
    So you're ****ting out blood?

    Could be a lot of things..

    most likely to be hemorrhoids or an anal fistula both of which are fairly common. Have you noticed a change in regularity? Pooping 5 times a day anything like that?

    that'd be more characteristic of UC, however if there's just a bit of blood switch to baby wipes and increase water + fibre intake.
    I think the water and fiber suggestion is valid. Its not like im perioding out my ass or anything. Its every now and again there is a bit of blood
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  21. #21
    Banned slootslayer's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by PetWussy View Post
    I have recently made a mistake in my life, and I offer my story to you, that you may learn from my error. It all started, as many things do, with me having trouble ****ting.

    No, I was not constipated; this was not a regularity problem but a matter of technique. It seems my ass-hair had grown to such a length that tiny grogans were constantly getting tied up in the matted jungle between my asscheeks. It led to much frustration, with me KNOWING that I still had something to drop, but unable to shake the tenacious turd loose from its butthair dwelling. Eventually I would have to do two things: either reach down with some paper and try to pinch off the lingering loaf (which required careful precision to avoid smearing the creature all over my rear, especially since I had no way of seeing what I was doing) or just go for broke, start wiping, and hope that I could remove all the leftover fecal matter before the toilet paper reached its Can’t-Be-Flushed threshold.

    I was contemplating this problem, when I had what seemed at the time to be a bright idea. “Hey! This is my butt and my butt-hair, right? So why don’t I just eliminate all the hair, and then my grogans will flow out like beer from a keg!” I said to myself. It is a statement that will go down in history with a lot of other regretted statements. “How many Indians could there be?” said by General Custer. “Looks like a good day for a drive!” by JFK. “There! America On-Line now has complete Usenet access!” by some idiot system tech. Such was my anal shaving idea.

    I performed the operation that night, with a cheap disposable razor and a towel to sit on. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. Occassionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. Slowly, my twin mounds and the between-ravine began to resemble the hairless cheeks of a newborn baby. Finally, I wiped the razor one last time, and surveyed my work. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. My ass was smooth as ivory. I smiled, satisfied, thinking my troubles were over.

    Little did I know.

    I now have a great respect for anal-hair. Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. For one, it provides friction. I learned this the next day, when I walked out into the sun heading for class. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two asscheeks sliding past each other with every step. I thought about going to the bathroom and wiping it off, but had to get to class. Eventually, I thought, it would dry.

    Unfortunately, it did dry, but only after mingling with the microscopic ****- molecules lingering around my brown starfish. When I stood up after class, my cheeks were stuck together with a slimy sticky ****/sweat combination. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. God-DAMN, did it itch! Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. Fighting to keep from jamming my hand down there and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm.

    Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. As I pulled the two mounds of flesh apart, a horrible stench burst free and filled the room. Every dog within a 4 block radius started to howl. I had it worst of all, as the ripe aroma of festering ****/sweat went into the fan and blew back into my face. I fought to keep from heaving. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own **** blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: “It will be like this until the hair grows back. Weeks.”

    Later on, trying to deal as best I could, wiping my ass at every opportunity, I discovered another wonderful use for ass-hair – ventilation. I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my asscheeks. Apparently, with no hair, the two pink twins can get vacuum sealed together, and the result was a frustrating fart that slid up and down between my cheeks like a lost gerbil.

    As if that wasn’t enough, I am now enduring further torture. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing in, it comes in as stubble. Imagine your ass having the texture of a brillo pad. Well, that is what I am dealing with now. It is a hellish torture, and there are many times when I just look out the window and contemplate why I shouldn’t just jump out and get it all over with in one fleshy splat, rather than endure this constant agony.

    Brahs, DON’T SHAVE YOUR ASS-HAIR!
    Wow...im actually relating to some of this story
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  22. #22
    on perma bulk CBRob's Avatar
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    could be a food allergy, have you been eating lots of wheat? gluten used to give me the mud butt
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  23. #23
    Based Jonesy12's Avatar
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    get some baby powder brah
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  24. #24
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    Do you poop after you shower and go out? srs.

    I usually try to get all my pooping done in the morning/afternoon before I have to go out somewhere and just jump in the shower right before I leave once my stomach is settled. Worst feel if you have to poop when you are already clean, only so much you can clean up with a wipe.

    You can still get swampass if you don't poop I suppose but try to get on a pooping schedule so you can clean up afterwards and it should help.
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  25. #25
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    Originally Posted by slootslayer View Post
    For the last week I have been dealing with horrible swamp ass. Im at the gym and have to stop lifting to go to the restroom and wipe my anus.
    Im just sitting here now MISCing and again I gotta wipe my ass again.

    To make matters worse my anal spincter is becoming sore from all the wiping. I get blood on the TP as well.




    Worried its colitis or something.








    (no butt sex...no homo)
    I bet OP has a pussy hole too. Just need to find where to stick fingers.
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    Originally Posted by cannonballdooky View Post
    Do you poop after you shower and go out? srs.
    OP is banned now, He is incapable of answering on this acct
    M O O N spells LBM

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  27. #27
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    Originally Posted by r1nzler View Post
    Diet brah. You need more fiber and water.

    You ge swamp ass because when you ****, poops is getting stuck mid spincter. Your anus responds by salivating to loosed the stool remnants so it can be discharged.
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