Haven't been posting lately. Workouts have been sporatic. Trying to get back on solid again. Taking a break from squatting, just kind of burn out from it.
I quit lifting for a few months. I've been back at it for a little while now. Trying to get stronger than ever. I'm also going to turn this into kind of a mental health log too. I haven't been feeling too well, and nobody really understands. I think it'll help me if I just put my feelings down on paper.
Mental
I've felt really angry today. It helps in the gym, but not in real life. I've been happily dating a girl for 2 months now, but I've had this deep seeded belief that she is going to leave me like every other girl in my life has. I know its going to destroy the relationship if I don't turn things around. Things change so quick for me, one day I'll be feeling on top of the world and feel like the relationship is going awesome. The next day I'll feel down in the gutter and think she is going to leave me. There is no true event that triggers either feeling.
Mental
I don't get to see my girlfriend very often. We have been dating 2 months and we have only hung out twice. She is really busy b/c she has 3 kids and works and goes to school. I'm very understanding and supportive of that fact. Today I saw on ******** that she went with one of her guy friends to the movies. It made me really sad. I've been supportive all this time and when she has free time, she goes with another guy to the movies. It really pissed me off. We are going to talk about it tonight, but I don't really know what to say. It made me so mad because I've put in all this time. It made me pick up a pack of cigarettes and I smoked a few then threw the rest out. She said she would call me tonight, if she doesn't, it shows she doesn't care. I can't date someone that doesn't care
Mental
My girlfriend went to the movies with a guy friend last night. I got upset about it b/c she and I barely get to see eachother and then she does that ****. I told her I was upset about it. I told her that I wanted to do stuff like that with her. The night didn't go well. She and I talked about it today and I told her I wanted her to make more time for me. I just don't know about anything anymore. She said she is going to make more time for me. Its not healthy that I feel this way, I feel like complete crap and like its out of my control. I have serious trust issues. I don't care that she went to the movies with a guy, it was the fact that she doesn't even make time to do that with me. Apparently he even paid for a babysitter for her kids. She says hes a friend, but obviously he has other intentions. She got really drunk b.c. she was upset that I was upset and she took a ***** and passed out. She said she doesn't remember getting home. I wish I didn't care so much. She was supposed to call me, but didn't. That hurt me a lot. This is my first relationship since 2011. I have only told a few people about this-I was in the USAF at that time and I was leaving to go on a deployment. My girlfriend came to the airport to see me off. She said she loved me and that she would be there for me when I got back. I cried after I turned around to board the plane. Two weeks later, she said her feelings changed and she broke up with me. Its been really hard for me to trust a girl since then. I care too much.
Mental
My girlfriend just doesn't seem as interested in me as she used to. She says she wants to be with me though. I'm just going to continue to be there for her. Nothing much else I can do. Feeling okay today, but feel like I'm missing something inside.
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