Going to troll my Accounting association with the coppasta/misc meme speach

[BetaPhaggot]

Im part of a student accounting association for my school. Every semester they elect people to officer positions ( president, VP, secretary, etc.). I ran last semester for VP and lost to a fat chick. Now about a month later someone is leaving and a position (VP of publicty) is opening.



Im supposed to get up and talk about myself for a few minutes and Im going to give this troll speach that is pretty much just misc copypasta. this is what i have, speach is tomorrow


i've bolded the parts that are slightly modified copy pasta

You may be wondering what Im doing up here. You’re probably thinking, “Hey didn’t you just run for Executive VP and fail miserably? The people have spoken, and they don’t want you in an officer position.” I ask you to give me another chance… please, hear me out. I’ll admit, I was not ready to be an officer. I was young, naive, probably would have crumbled under the pressure. But between then and now I wave grown as a person. I am no longer the mentally weak individual that stood before you last semester.

I have a morning ritual that I need to share. I call it "the terminator". First I crouch down in the shower in the classic "naked terminator traveling through time" pose. With my eyes closed I crouch there for a minute, visualizing either Arnold or the guy from the second movie (not the chick in the third one because that one sucked) and I start to hum the terminator theme. Then I slowly rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me to proceed through my day as an emotionless, cyborg badass. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It ruins the fantasy.

Being VP of publicity entails copious amounts of responsibility. Let me tell you a little something about responsibility.

(Germanic)
I work out everyday, sometimes twice a day. I can dead lift 550lbs. with ease, with this kind of power comes great responsibility. . I feel like everything is made of tissue paper, I have to be so careful with my movements because every movement I make has the potential to kill. I am a gentle but if need be, I will throw hands.

Whenever I walk into a room I realize that I am the strongest and most physically capable person there. I know that those other people are like children compared to me, and I feel as though it is my duty to protect them. I can never relax around other people because they see me as some kind of anabolic jacked beast monster... or some kind of super being. When they look at me I see a mixture of fear, jealousy, and awe in their eyes. . girls drooling at the sight of me. Sometimes the gravity of the situation and the realizations just come crashing down on me and I become overwhelmed to the point of tears, and I must run to the bathroom and lose my bowels in privacy to avoid them realizing that I am human just like them. I feel like I have gone down a path of no return and that I am becoming something I don’t understand. It’s a heavy burden, but it is my burden to bear.


You’re probably thinking “what does any of this have to do with anything? This is kinda weird?”

(Malodrax)
Are these things weird? Am I "weird"? It depends; weird is a subjective term and it is often used in context of established societal norms. So perhaps when we compare my actions to societal norms (which are of course subjective themselves), then they could be considered weird. To me, however, my actions are perfectly acceptable. I really don't see why people insist on striving towards conformity, why they insist on following those preset norms just because that's what we're "expected" to do or be like. Why not strive to create your own norms? live your life how you want to without being too worried about what "other people think". Set your own goals, make challenges for yourself, do spontaneous and exhilarating things even if they don't fit with what other people would consider normal... who gives a crap what other people would think? Don't let norms or people's expectations hinder you from being who you are or from pursuing endeavors that bring you joy. It's a sad world we live in, where people who are "different" are often stigmatized, shunned and accused of being things like "weird", "demented" etc. This norm of conforming to the norm prevents invidualization, creativity, ingenuity and it often creates masses of non-genuine tools.

It will be in front of about 50 accounting/finance students and various proffesionals from different accounting firms. Im kind of know to be a joker/kinda weird. I'll add a little more to finish it at the end








Update

I gave the speech and won! And got it on Video!


Im acting out the teminator ritual but you cant see it because I go off screen



-OP delivers
-Bertstares are had
-lulz ensue
-OP wins election
-OP is not a *******

[DiseasedScrotum]

no wonder you lost to a fat chick

[nismo0604]

finance nerds will be clueless, repped anyway

[Wrecklessness]

has epic potential. reps 4 life if you get someone to record the whole thing and upload it to youtube after

[BetaPhaggot]

has epic potential. reps 4 life if you get someone to record the whole thing and upload it to youtube after

im working on this

[kbeezy]

if you video tape it lulz will insue

[vitriol]

It will be in front of about 50 accounting/finance students and various proffesionals from different accounting firms. Im kind of know to be a joker/kinda weird. I'll add a little more to finish it at the end

good luck with your employment goals in 2011...

[deFlo]

gl op hope you deliver

Edit: wow got some balls bro

[LeroyJenkins]

has epic potential. reps 4 life if you get someone to record the whole thing and upload it to youtube after

this.

-edit-
Subbed for potentialz

[BetaPhaggot]

Im going to walk around the the group while I talk and act out the terminator ritual

[TBEagl]

This can be epic(hopefully)
sub

[BRN]

video tape it.. lets see if they let you continue giving the speech lol

[Scarcy]

In before OP either can't find a job, or a miscin CEO catches on and hires him on the spot

[aussie_steven]

plz get someone to film this

[Vyrm]

without awesome delivery it's gonna be a total failure.

[nosliw]

good luck with your employment goals in 2011...

lol this

funny idea though, tape it

[GatorGenocide]

didn't read. Idk why, I just didn't want to

[LadiesManXtreme]

Please have someone film this and upload it to youtube.

Make sure not to burst out laughing during the second paragraph or the whole speech is ruined from that point onward.

If you do, definitely have someone post it on youtube so we can laugh at you laughing at yourself.

[Ceapy]

without awesome delivery it's gonna be a total failure.

This OP. Make sure you're not all awkward during the speech or else everyone will think you're a joke.

Record and post on youtube for misc.

[blahblahblahh]

In for ruining future accounting firm relationships and potential job offers

[Dodoz]

Bro, if u deliver a vid... It will be epic for sure. And whatever you do, be as relaxed as possible, take some "supps" before hand if you need so you're not standing there awkwardly saying those things.

[BetaPhaggot]

Update

I gave the speech and won! And got it on Video! brb uploading to youtube.


-OP delivers
-Bertstares are had
-lulz ensue
-OP wins election
-OP is not a *******

[legbrah]

[SkinnyAsianGuy1]

in 4 vids

[RippedRebeL]

If you really went through with it then you're one ballsy mother****er

[dasfeuer]

dis gun be good.

[IrishMarc]

in 4 vids

[BetaPhaggot]

The only thing that kinda sucks about the speech is that Im reading off my paper a lot. But there was no way I would have had enough time to memorize all of that. o well I won, everyone lol'd, and people came up to me after cuz they though it was so funny and couldnt believe I actually said those things, It was pretty unexpected.

[Wikiniks]

Strong fraud...No one could give that speech looking at the audience

[BetaPhaggot]

Strong fraud...No one could give that speech looking at the audience

i got it on vid. im editing it now and gonna upload to youtube. As OP, surley I will deliver