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  1. #4711
    Momma Mod Trinity1216's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dirk__Diggler View Post
    Link broke.

    I am a double derp

    http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showth...#post988608013
    "I need Feminism because it makes me realize how bat chit crazy my gender is."

  2. #4712
    You curse my name... buckeyenutz's Avatar
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    Any new resolutions for 2013? I have one. It's very personal and a bit long-winded, I'd love to share it with you; but, won't if you don't want to read it.

  3. #4713
    Momma Mod Trinity1216's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by buckeyenutz View Post
    Any new resolutions for 2013? I have one. It's very personal and a bit long-winded, I'd love to share it with you; but, won't if you don't want to read it.

    Of course you can share it if you feel comfortable sharing personal info on here. I am leaving for the city but will be back this afternoon and will def. read. Have a great day Buckeye!
    "I need Feminism because it makes me realize how bat chit crazy my gender is."

  4. #4714
    You curse my name... buckeyenutz's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Trinity1216 View Post
    Of course you can share it if you feel comfortable sharing personal info on here. I am leaving for the city but will be back this afternoon and will def. read. Have a great day Buckeye!
    Thank you Trin. It really means a lot to me to have this support system. Here goes, love you guys:

    Goal 2013 – Get Whole

    My only goal is to get clean, healthy and happy—whole. My addict brain always finds a way to say, “Hey, you’re clean now, one won’t hurt.” And opportunities just seem to afford themselves, and I get off track; my mind goes into this work/life/taking advantage mode instead of focusing on my spirituality and becoming whole again.

    I know we’re all dying—from that first breath. That’s life. And at times, we have no choice in the matter. In the past two-three years, I’ve been killing myself, and by choice. I’ve always lived my life that way, choice—my way.

    However, I marched into those choices without knowing I’d already started killing myself. I’d end each day with a prayer and proceed to start using mood altering chemicals to hide the fact that I was scared and felt abandoned. Pride led me to this point in my life. I felt untouchable—nothing was going to ever harm me. Not feeling alone and afraid; and surely I was destined for something that helped make a difference in someone else’s life.

    Everything in my life felt planned out. I did everything I was supposed to do. Worked hard, played hard—but something was always missing. An emptiness that was in the pit of my gut—always feeling I was missing out on something. My brain wasn’t processing that I was already sick. I had been so blessed in everything.

    This emptiness led to depression, at times. And I would always just tell myself to, “Man up; be a man.” And I would do so, accomplishing a lot for someone at a my age. None of that seemed to matter; I was never diagnosed with anything outside of a normal cold.

    I dabbled with drugs as a youngster, and 6 years ago I discovered Xanax. It changed my life, forever. I felt “whole.” I started to use it more frequently—and it was awesome. It was like that hole in my gut was filled. And once I finished college (late starter, US Army prior), I had nothing else to fill. The drugs weren’t working anymore, so I began to supplement with alcohol.

    One day (snow day), I’m like, “Let’s get a good buzz going and go shovel some snow…” One of the worst decisions I have ever made (and I’ve made plenty). From that day forward, mixing the alcohol and Xanax (8mg bars, at this point), I lost an entire month. I woke up, and it was gone.

    This started a large spiral. The chemicals in my brain were altered. I had a life-changing event with my family—and I was completely absent from all of it. I lost major contracts, made mistakes that are unspeakable. Lied, cheated, stole from our accounts. Name it, I did it. Ended up in rehab, which took all of 3 days before I was using again, in the hospital multiple times—and most importantly lost an unborn baby (miscarriage).

    Now, my family is still trying to be supportive—but have learned that enabling is not a good thing—although it pangs them. And now my wife of almost 11 years has left.
    That hole, now many holes is still in the pit of my gut.

    My goal for 2013 is to Get Whole. Mind, body and spirit. I need to live, be healthy and happy, doesn’t matter the cost or time it takes. Starts today.

  5. #4715
    das it mane Ronceiro's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by buckeyenutz View Post
    Thank you Trin. It really means a lot to me to have this support system. Here goes, love you guys:

    Goal 2013 – Get Whole

    My only goal is to get clean, healthy and happy—whole. My addict brain always finds a way to say, “Hey, you’re clean now, one won’t hurt.” And opportunities just seem to afford themselves, and I get off track; my mind goes into this work/life/taking advantage mode instead of focusing on my spirituality and becoming whole again.

    I know we’re all dying—from that first breath. That’s life. And at times, we have no choice in the matter. In the past two-three years, I’ve been killing myself, and by choice. I’ve always lived my life that way, choice—my way.

    However, I marched into those choices without knowing I’d already started killing myself. I’d end each day with a prayer and proceed to start using mood altering chemicals to hide the fact that I was scared and felt abandoned. Pride led me to this point in my life. I felt untouchable—nothing was going to ever harm me. Not feeling alone and afraid; and surely I was destined for something that helped make a difference in someone else’s life.

    Everything in my life felt planned out. I did everything I was supposed to do. Worked hard, played hard—but something was always missing. An emptiness that was in the pit of my gut—always feeling I was missing out on something. My brain wasn’t processing that I was already sick. I had been so blessed in everything.

    This emptiness led to depression, at times. And I would always just tell myself to, “Man up; be a man.” And I would do so, accomplishing a lot for someone at a my age. None of that seemed to matter; I was never diagnosed with anything outside of a normal cold.

    I dabbled with drugs as a youngster, and 6 years ago I discovered Xanax. It changed my life, forever. I felt “whole.” I started to use it more frequently—and it was awesome. It was like that hole in my gut was filled. And once I finished college (late starter, US Army prior), I had nothing else to fill. The drugs weren’t working anymore, so I began to supplement with alcohol.

    One day (snow day), I’m like, “Let’s get a good buzz going and go shovel some snow…” One of the worst decisions I have ever made (and I’ve made plenty). From that day forward, mixing the alcohol and Xanax (8mg bars, at this point), I lost an entire month. I woke up, and it was gone.

    This started a large spiral. The chemicals in my brain were altered. I had a life-changing event with my family—and I was completely absent from all of it. I lost major contracts, made mistakes that are unspeakable. Lied, cheated, stole from our accounts. Name it, I did it. Ended up in rehab, which took all of 3 days before I was using again, in the hospital multiple times—and most importantly lost an unborn baby (miscarriage).

    Now, my family is still trying to be supportive—but have learned that enabling is not a good thing—although it pangs them. And now my wife of almost 11 years has left.
    That hole, now many holes is still in the pit of my gut.

    My goal for 2013 is to Get Whole. Mind, body and spirit. I need to live, be healthy and happy, doesn’t matter the cost or time it takes. Starts today.







    notsrs




    Sounds like you've been through a lot bucky.

    Sorry to hear about your wife...and this might sound full-retard, but hear me out. Based on the stuff you posted ITT months ago about your wife coming home drunk late in the night after getting yucky + being abusive towards you, hitting you etc...that did not sound like a healthy relationship at all. Even to a random phaggot on the internet like myself who knows little of you apart from what you post, it definitely seemed off and strong WTF moments were had, my face was exactly like the bertstare pic when I read the stuff you posted. It sounded like domestic abuse, especially when you were justifying her violence (classic domestic abuse victim behaviour). And yes, domestic abuse goes the other way too, women sometimes do beat on men and usually the men just put up with it...because, well, we're men, we are made to believe that we can and should take the punches in silence.


    It probably is for the best that she has left you. You might not think that now, but hey use this as a positive thing...end of a toxic relationship = cutting out negativity in your life = end of a bad phase in your life = clean slate, new start.


    It's obviously hard, and harder than any of the 1st world problems I've faced so LOL @ me saying this...but maybe you can finally let go of all the bad $hit you've been holding on to (dem drogz, rehab, miscarriage). Ever thought about the possibility that all the self-proclaimed bad $hit you did (screwing up your contracts/accounts/marriage/everything else) was a reaction to the negativity that was in your life?

    Not saying that you aren't responsible for your actions...you are. BUT there's no way in hell that holding on to dat dere past is gonna help you move forward. I know you still have 'holes in the pit of your gut' and enormous guilt...but guess what, we all fukk up. From what you said...you still deserve to be happy and you'll never be happy until you:

    1) let go of the guilt
    2) genuinely believe that you deserve happiness/what you want in life
    3) genuinely believe that you CAN get what you want in life



    But that's just like, my opinon man
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  6. #4716
    You curse my name... buckeyenutz's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ronceiro View Post
    Not saying that you aren't responsible for your actions...you are. BUT there's no way in hell that holding on to dat dere past is gonna help you move forward. I know you still have 'holes in the pit of your gut' and enormous guilt...but guess what, we all fukk up. From what you said...you still deserve to be happy and you'll never be happy until you:

    1) let go of the guilt
    2) genuinely believe that you deserve happiness/what you want in life
    3) genuinely believe that you CAN get what you want in life



    But that's just like, my opinon man
    My wife is a great woman. She's put up with more shi/t than you can imagine. Everyone has their way of dealing, coping, etc. Hers just happens to be Krav Maga sessions after getting a bit tipsy. My post wasn't about her. It was about me and what I want to change about myself. I can check 1, 2 and 3 off your list. I have no regrets. None. My goal is to find that peace, I'm not talking about autonomic body functions (that can be controlled, if trained properly). Just want to shut my eyes and feel whole. At one with everything.

    Love, The Dude.

    And thanks for reading and responding man

  7. #4717
    das it mane Ronceiro's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by buckeyenutz View Post
    My wife is a great woman. She's put up with more shi/t than you can imagine. Everyone has their way of dealing, coping, etc. Hers just happens to be Krav Maga sessions after getting a bit tipsy. My post wasn't about her. It was about me and what I want to change about myself. I can check 1, 2 and 3 off your list. I have no regrets. None. My goal is to find that peace, I'm not talking about autonomic body functions (that can be controlled, if trained properly). Just want to shut my eyes and feel whole. At one with everything.

    Love, The Dude.

    And thanks for reading and responding man
    Yeah obviously it isn't one-sided (you probably trolled your wife hard too) and I'm sure she has great qualities otherwise you wouldn't have married her, but IMO violence+alcohol isn't the healthiest/best way to deal with bad $hit. Doesn't make her a 'bad person' for her reactions and it obviously doesn't diminish any soft spot that you had/will always have for her...but that $hit still sounded unhealthy (regardless of what you intended your post to be about) and it seems like it's for the better (for both of you) that she ended things.


    Meh you sound like you got it figured out anyway, your goals are pretty realistic, achievable and measurable (to an extent).

    On a different note, wholeness does include your own body too...how's your lifting been? Not to sound like a typical miscer but DYEL? I don't ask that because of your stats (your stats are fine btw...plus I'm not gonna have a go @ your stats when I'm 5'6 168lbs)...but just that you've been through a lot so sometimes in such circumstances gym might not really be on the priority list.

    For me personally lifting has been one of the biggest factors recently in improving my life (physically, mentally, emotionally etc), and I'm sure that's the case for many others here.
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  8. #4718
    Pro Natural kunt happylifter's Avatar
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    passed the first part of my bike test today got to book another lesson and my main test for sometime soon, but should be on a real bike before the 19th of January


    and yes M i will make good decisions while riding and stay safe for you <3
    is this the most phaggy miscer ?
    http://i.imgur.com/ao07d.png


    "IIFYM is not simply a matter of eating foods that meet your macro criteria"-Frizzel

  9. #4719
    Chicka Chicka Yeah! momogirl's Avatar
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    Hey Abusers! I'm back. Took me 3 days but I finally recovered from Saturday night. LOL
    “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
    ― Bob Marley

  10. #4720
    You curse my name... buckeyenutz's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ronceiro View Post
    Yeah obviously it isn't one-sided (you probably trolled your wife hard too) and I'm sure she has great qualities otherwise you wouldn't have married her, but IMO violence+alcohol isn't the healthiest/best way to deal with bad $hit. Doesn't make her a 'bad person' for her reactions and it obviously doesn't diminish any soft spot that you had/will always have for her...but that $hit still sounded unhealthy (regardless of what you intended your post to be about) and it seems like it's for the better (for both of you) that she ended things.


    Meh you sound like you got it figured out anyway, your goals are pretty realistic, achievable and measurable (to an extent).

    On a different note, wholeness does include your own body too...how's your lifting been? Not to sound like a typical miscer but DYEL? I don't ask that because of your stats (your stats are fine btw...plus I'm not gonna have a go @ your stats when I'm 5'6 168lbs)...but just that you've been through a lot so sometimes in such circumstances gym might not really be on the priority list.

    For me personally lifting has been one of the biggest factors recently in improving my life (physically, mentally, emotionally etc), and I'm sure that's the case for many others here.
    Again, not about her. I'll digress.

    And I do train, always have. Meniscus is a mess right now. Still ran (jogged) a 7:46 mile this morning. Lifting, I'm all over the place. And my goal is to always lift 3 days a week.

  11. #4721
    You curse my name... buckeyenutz's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by happylifter View Post
    passed the first part of my bike test today got to book another lesson and my main test for sometime soon, but should be on a real bike before the 19th of January


    and yes M i will make good decisions while riding and stay safe for you <3
    Stay safe! Enjoy it.

  12. #4722
    Mafia Dirk__Diggler's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by momogirl View Post
    Hey Abusers! I'm back. Took me 3 days but I finally recovered from Saturday night. LOL
    waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

    "I need feminism because I need something to laugh at"

  13. #4723
    Chicka Chicka Yeah! momogirl's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Dirk__Diggler View Post
    waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

    Shut up with your balls in my face pic.
    “The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
    ― Bob Marley

  14. #4724
    Mafia Dirk__Diggler's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by momogirl View Post
    Shut up with your balls in my face pic.
    Calm down.
    "I need feminism because I need something to laugh at"

  15. #4725
    Got Negged?.....¯\_(ツ)_/¯ user110's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by momogirl View Post
    Shut up with your balls in my face pic.
    that..... just might get quoted and placed in my sig....... Epic!
    ▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀

    Play by the Rules. It's no fun if we both cheat!

    ▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄▀▄

  16. #4726
    Potestas Mod Iceman1800's Avatar
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    Is it too cliche to get a group together for 1/1/2013 resolutions? I need about 50 kicks in the behind to get my diet in check. I'll train out in my garage when its 10 below zero but I'm too lazy to eat right. I want to drop 20# by June.
    8/6 surgery to remove herniated disc between L4/L5

    I didn't just wake up one day and decide to get stronger. I wake up every day and decide to get stronger.

  17. #4727
    Pro Natural kunt happylifter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Iceman1800 View Post
    Is it too cliche to get a group together for 1/1/2013 resolutions? I need about 50 kicks in the behind to get my diet in check. I'll train out in my garage when its 10 below zero but I'm too lazy to eat right. I want to drop 20# by June.
    surely to drop 20lb being lazy to eat is a benefit ?
    is this the most phaggy miscer ?
    http://i.imgur.com/ao07d.png


    "IIFYM is not simply a matter of eating foods that meet your macro criteria"-Frizzel

  18. #4728
    das it mane Ronceiro's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by buckeyenutz View Post
    Again, not about her. I'll digress.

    And I do train, always have. Meniscus is a mess right now. Still ran (jogged) a 7:46 mile this morning. Lifting, I'm all over the place. And my goal is to always lift 3 days a week.

    A 7:46 mile with a messed up knee is pretty awesome.


    Originally Posted by happylifter View Post
    surely to drop 20lb being lazy to eat is a benefit ?
    Being too lazy to eat =/= being too lazy to eat RIGHT.




    Originally Posted by Iceman1800 View Post
    Is it too cliche to get a group together for 1/1/2013 resolutions? I need about 50 kicks in the behind to get my diet in check. I'll train out in my garage when its 10 below zero but I'm too lazy to eat right. I want to drop 20# by June.
    Meh I'm not a new year's resolution type of person. If I want to aim for something, I'll set my goals and work on them now, rather than wait for some arbitrary day to do it. Having said that, knowing that lots of people are working towards their goals at the same time can definitely push you on to keep working towards yours
    *last few weeks of being natty crew*

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  19. #4729
    Be good and be Bear redraider86's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by happylifter View Post
    passed the first part of my bike test today got to book another lesson and my main test for sometime soon, but should be on a real bike before the 19th of January


    and yes M i will make good decisions while riding and stay safe for you <3
    Thank you, sir! You better be wearing a helmet! <3
    Originally Posted by momogirl View Post
    Hey Abusers! I'm back. Took me 3 days but I finally recovered from Saturday night. LOL
    Hey Momo. Fun weekend, eh? Good to see you.
    Originally Posted by Iceman1800 View Post
    Is it too cliche to get a group together for 1/1/2013 resolutions? I need about 50 kicks in the behind to get my diet in check. I'll train out in my garage when its 10 below zero but I'm too lazy to eat right. I want to drop 20# by June.
    No I think that's awesome, and join the club. I love New Years Resolutions. I'm making my list of things I want to get more awesome at.

    *Can run 10 miles but would rather eat twinkies for breakfast crew.*
    Log: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=154861853

    Cancer Destroyer

  20. #4730
    Registered User mysterylifter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by redraider86 View Post
    Thank you, sir! You better be wearing a helmet! <3

    Hey Momo. Fun weekend, eh? Good to see you.

    No I think that's awesome, and join the club. I love New Years Resolutions. I'm making my list of things I want to get more awesome at.

    *Can run 10 miles but would rather eat twinkies for breakfast crew.*
    stop

  21. #4731
    Be good and be Bear redraider86's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mysterylifter View Post
    stop
    The prodigal Juan returns...

    I'm expecting pics soon.
    Log: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=154861853

    Cancer Destroyer

  22. #4732
    Registered User mysterylifter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by redraider86 View Post
    The prodigal Juan returns...

    I'm expecting pics soon.
    ate so much lmao

  23. #4733
    Be good and be Bear redraider86's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mysterylifter View Post
    ate so much lmao
    Awesomeness! Glad you had a good time.

    Now get your azz to the gym.
    Log: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=154861853

    Cancer Destroyer

  24. #4734
    Registered User mysterylifter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by redraider86 View Post
    Awesomeness! Glad you had a good time.

    Now get your azz to the gym.
    I need to

    how have you been?

  25. #4735
    Be good and be Bear redraider86's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mysterylifter View Post
    I need to

    how have you been?
    Doing just great! I can't feel my hands, and you know what that means!
    Log: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=154861853

    Cancer Destroyer

  26. #4736
    Registered User mysterylifter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by redraider86 View Post
    Doing just great! I can't feel my hands, and you know what that means!
    so jelleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

  27. #4737
    ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ノ shredu's Avatar
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    I put on so much weight. Deleteing my DP
    Instagram: shredu

  28. #4738
    Registered User mysterylifter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by shredu View Post
    I put on so much weight. Deleteing my DP
    one of us... one of us...

  29. #4739
    www.horseheading.com BradInPhx's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by redraider86 View Post
    ^^don't be jelly, I'm counting the tiles on my bathroom floor


    u mad I have 10 chocolate filled twinkies sitting in my pantry right now? All for meeeeeee
    Can I put my Vanilla twinkie in your panty? err I meant pantry?
    eBay buy & flip crew


    Positive thoughts go out to: Redraider86, ShayZ, PushTheWeak & Slash_

  30. #4740
    Pro Natural kunt happylifter's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by redraider86 View Post
    Thank you, sir! You better be wearing a helmet! <3

    *Can run 10 miles but would rather eat twinkies for breakfast crew.*
    its the law so i have too

    lol sod running would rather drive
    is this the most phaggy miscer ?
    http://i.imgur.com/ao07d.png


    "IIFYM is not simply a matter of eating foods that meet your macro criteria"-Frizzel

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