Kill me now god...never been so embarrassed...lost girl of my dreams

[MrNoblet]

Well misc, I did it. I officially found a reason to no longer go on
living. I've read the malodrax stories, the embarrassing story thread, all the things I've seen on misc....I never thought something so absolutely ridiculous and stupid could happen to me. no idea what to do right now...haven't left my room in two days. parents are wondering whats wrong...so are friends...so ashamed.


alright so at the beginning of the semester I talked to my college advisor and decided I wanted to get a minor. For my minor I have to take 1 science class (in addition to the already required ones (oceanography lol)), so she said I should take chemistry. I thought the class was going to suck hard, but it actually wasnt that bad (got a B+). anyway, i walk in the first day of class, dressed nice as fuark knowing like I had read on the misc that I need to find the hottest girl and sit right next to her (gotta be alpha, breh). I enter the class room, (giant ass lecture hall, +250 students), and see absolutely no seats . I start walking towards the front, and to my luck, there is this beautiful blonde girl, wearing a pink tank top and black yoga pants sitting right in the front row. My adrenaline gets pumping and I go ahead sit down next to her. I didn't say anything to her that day because I was nervous as fuark. Anyway, she was kind of petite, 5' 2" maybe? Had kind of small boobs and a small butt but it fit her body. She had long blonde her, green eyes and was pretty tan. definitely not one of those girls where you are like "damn, shes hot" but one of those "o lawd, (tear in eye), she beautiful". Thought I was way too over my head after I sat down next to her. When I got back to my apartment I was so pissed at myself that i didnt say anything the first day of class and figured she would sit somewhere else. But then I thought about it and realized there is no chance in hell I would ever hook up with a woman this beautiful.

The next class I get there early and sit down where I sat the first class. In a way i kind of forgot the whole thing and went to class wearing sweatpants and gym shirt (headed to gym after class) (didn't even brush my teeth before class! (8:30 am class)). Low and behold, this little gem comes and sits down right next to me.

I immediately went from chillin out to



in .1 seconds. I kept it cool though and we actually started talking a bit. For the rest of the semester we ended up sitting next to each other and we hit it off REALLY well. We always went over eachothers homework or talk about our weekend, and just have good conversation. I fell in love with this girl. She was always so relaxed/chill, she made me laugh and I made her laugh (prof told us to be quiet a few times lol).
When she found out I had to put my dog down, she brought me home made cookies the next class with a get well note. my heart literrally melted bros. There were only two problems, 1 she was in a very popular sorority, 2 she was incredibly gorgeous. she was absolutely the sweet girl though. I had been trying to work up the courage to ask her out ona date so icould see her after class, but i just thought, there is no way...i stand no chance. well, last day of class after the exam ( a little over a week ago) she waited for me outside and i said "fuark it" and asked her to a movie with me. she responded with....i kid you not "i've been waiting all semester for you to ask me out" ...holy fuark...in my head i was thinking "...im fuarking zeezpruh"

we end up going out to dinner, laughing the whole time, literally crying. the whole time. I am in complete disbelief, i am literally a 5/10, 6/10 with a solid pump, this girl is an 11/10. guys were turning their heads at this girl. in the back of my head, this was happening all night



we went to the movie, drove her home and kissed her outside herfuarking sorority house. if you are a non frat guy like me, those sorority houses are intimidating as ****. i never dreamed of something so epic. i could not believe this was happening. i went home and prayed that night and asked god, "why have you blssed me with this? why am i deserving of this?"

unfortunately, this is where things got......horrifying.

The next day she sent me a text saying her brother was going out on his boat that weekend (her brother lives 20 miles from the college) and wanted to know if i would go with them. First curveball, her brother is a professional football player. he plays line backer, is jacked out of his ****ing mind, and is intimidating as ****. So I go to her sorority house on saturday, her brother picks us up in his escalade along with his super hot girlfriend who just happens to be an "exotic dancer", his team mate who is a giant lineman with tattoos everywhere and the linemans girlfriend, this black girl named "Ti-ree" or some ****, with an ass fatter than nicki minajs. I was belittled. I felt like a 4 year old. As soon as I meet him outside the sorority house, he squeezes the **** out of my hand and says "howdy partner" I was like, wtf, anyway the girls runs back into the sorority house to get something and i wait outside iwth hre brother and his little posse or whatever. first thing he says to me when she leaves is "if i see you touch her uncomfortable" whatever that means, "Iam going to ripyour ****ing jhaw off and feed it to my friend over there" I wanted to cry.


I stll don’t know exactly what he meant by “uncomfortably” but I mumbled “yes sir”, he then said “WHAT?” and I said “what?” and he yelled “WHAT THE **** DID YOU SAY AFTER I TOLD YOU NOT TO TOUCH MY SISTER” and I kind of yelled “yes sir” and he goes “that’s right”

I couldn’t believe this. I was scared **** less, I thought about running back to my apartment. Finally she came back out and we all got into his fancy ass car and headed to the dock.

Second curveball, I, out of nowhere, got terrible gas. I’m not sure what caused it, whether it was the stress of the situation or a food thing, but it was bad. The whole ride there, her brother was blasting rap music, so I let out two rotten, dead animal smelling farts. “ti-ree” or whatever had to roll down the window because she thought she was going to throw up from the smel. No one knew it was me though and we all blamed it on the fat lineman who didn’t seem to care or even notice the farts. When we got out of the car, my girl asked “are you having fun?” I was like “yeah!” dear god please help me.

We get to his boat, which I am not going to bother going into detail the place he kept it at, where it was, etc. I’ll put it this way…the boat was decked the **** out. It was pretty small actually, but it had a nice ass sound system, a fridge, nice seats gigantic motor, a huge canopy over the top and it had his initials stitched into the seats. It also looked brand new…it could have been.
We get out about a 15-20 minute ride from the coast. Her brother had a ton of beer so I got to drink for free and he brought sandwiches…seemed like a nice guy, just absolutely hated and intimidated me. Let me first say that after about 5 minutes in, the lineman asked to use the bathroom or something and her brother says, the whole bathroom is torn apart, there is no toilet right now, so the lineman pisses off the back of the boat while we are driving. During the ride I am sitting down next to the girl and this black girl named Ti-ree, I have no idea how to spell her name, never heard it, whatever, it doesn’t matter. The whole time the black girl is making fun of me in front of my girl and I have no idea what to say. I am trying to be funny and be relaxed and alpha, but it is just backfiring on me. Meanwhile, a storm is brewing in my stomach…a very bad…dark…deep….storm ( third curveball, 3 strikes you’re out, right?). I’m getting very nervous and uneasy. My girl is wearing this one piece WHITE bathing suit that is cut very “sexily”. I can flat out see her vag through her bathing and her very perky nipples and her ass completely hangs out the back. She looked amazing…I mean, like a dream…I have no idea how to even explain it. I get a boner thinking about it. She had her hair up in a bun and just had a beautiful smile and was giggling the whole time and grabbing my arm.
Well her brother decides to stop at this sandbar or whatever. He first makes me shot gun a beer with him. I have never shotgunned a beer before and didn’t realize how quickly the beer comes out. About a second after we start “shot gunning”, I cough and get beer all over my girl. The guy throws his beer in the water and goes “what the ****, pussy?!” I say “oh ****, sorry!!” and my girl is trying to keep her cool saying “its okay! Its okay! Its not a big deal!” my heart is sinking at this moment misc bros, but my stomach is brewing.

We stay at this sandbar for about 30 minutes. A few fish come by. They start throwing sandwiches in the water and fish start coming. Everyone is on one side of watching/feeding the fish, meanwhile, I have to take a ****. (at this point, everyone had jumped in the water, so when I jumped in, it wasn’t a big deal). So I jump In the water really quickly on the other side of the boat (no one is looking over here, or paying attention, everyone is watching the fish on the other side). I jump in I pull my swimming trunks down below my ass and just let that nasty ass diarrhea that had been brewing in my stomach out. It literally shot out of my ass. In a matter of seconds the clear water turned into a dark brown and I was surrounded by this **** cloud. I felt so relieved and **** a little more.

All of a sudden though, one of the fish on the other side of the boat swam over to my side and started eating my ****. Out of nowhere, all the fish on the other side swam over and just absolutely crowded around me, bitting my legs, my shorts, MY ASS. My shorts come off from the fish. Everyone sees the fish all scatter to the other side so they run over to the other side of the boat and look in the water. What they see is me, naked, flailing around in the water, with **** clearly visible everywhere, while fish are literally attacking me. Everyone starts laughing, except the girl who looks worried but doesn’t say anything.



Once the fish were gone, her brother raised the ladder on the boat and wouldn’t let me on for 20 minutes because he didn’t think I was “clean.” So I sat there, embarrassed as **** in the water, while everyone else on the boat drank beer and listened to the music. The girl pretty much forgot about me and her brother called me “Mc****Ski” the rest of the way back. When they dropped us back off, the girl said “sorry about today….” And I just said yeah…and that was it. Haven’t talked to her since the incident. Don’t know why god did this to me. Once again I am praying to god asking “what did I do to deserve this” lost the girl of dreams. Humiliated in front of everyone. Since I got back home from college these past few days ive just hidden out. Loved that girl. Been crying and I haven’t cried in years. How do I get this girls heart back? How do I ever recover” how do I ever go out in public again? Why did this happen o me? Fuarkin tearin up right now….
Cliffs
I suck
Im retarded
I hate life


Kill me now god


srs cliffs

1. meet girl of dreams
2. didnt think it was possible
3. it was possible
4. we kiss
5. go out on her NFL brother's boat
6. they all see me ****ting on side of boat while im attacked by fish
7. brother calls me mc****ski
8.i lose girl
9. i hate life
10. ???
11. no profit, just want to die



****UPDATES PAGE 10 post #291. NEED MISC TEXT ADVICE ASAP
****UPDATE PAGE 13 POST #362. She invites me to stay at her house all next weekend for her sister's 16th birthday party. it has been confirmed her brother will be there

[pyzjn]

tldr

[briiii]

[dryst]

holy **** dude....brb buying best seller novel from amazon

[Archangel_Lost]

no thanks bro, I'm currently trying to get through House of Leaves, and I only like to read one novel at a time.

[Ace Thedics]

Did not read, will not read because I can't read Oh Pea.

[sippycup69]

tl;dr

[paylowsore]

who the fuk is gonna read that

[kapput]

holy chit, this an in depth history of WW2 of something?

[Zigrakil]

LOL omg worth the read

[BiggerTommorow]

if you actually **** yourself, then LO ****ing L

[deaman]

Listen bro. I didn't read what you posted, but if you want to end it just put 10g of creatine in a cup and stir. At first you will feel a mild numbing sensation, then an intense urge to shut your eyes. Soon after you will release your final breath. Shhhh...no tears...only dreams now.

[tk217]

holy **** dude....brb buying best seller novel from amazon

It was really ****ing funny. Good job OP.

[xspamz]

lol.

[HomerJThompson]

This happened.

[Montre]

Well misc, I did it. I officially found a reason to no longer go on
living. I've read the malodrax stories, the embarrassing story thread, all the things I've seen on misc....I never thought something so absolutely ridiculous and stupid could happen to me. no idea what to do right now...haven't left my room in two days. parents are wondering whats wrong...so are friends...so ashamed.


alright so at the beginning of the semester I talked to my college advisor and decided I wanted to get a minor. For my minor I have to take 1 science class (in addition to the already required ones (oceanography lol)), so she said I should take chemistry. I thought the class was going to suck hard, but it actually wasnt that bad (got a B+). anyway, i walk in the first day of class, dressed nice as fuark knowing like I had read on the misc that I need to find the hottest girl and sit right next to her (gotta be alpha, breh). I enter the class room, (giant ass lecture hall, +250 students), and see absolutely no seats . I start walking towards the front, and to my luck, there is this beautiful blonde girl, wearing a pink tank top and black yoga pants sitting right in the front row. My adrenaline gets pumping and I go ahead sit down next to her. I didn't say anything to her that day because I was nervous as fuark. Anyway, she was kind of petite, 5' 2" maybe? Had kind of small boobs and a small butt but it fit her body. She had long blonde her, green eyes and was pretty tan. definitely not one of those girls where you are like "damn, shes hot" but one of those "o lawd, (tear in eye), she beautiful". Thought I was way too over my head after I sat down next to her. When I got back to my apartment I was so pissed at myself that i didnt say anything the first day of class and figured she would sit somewhere else. But then I thought about it and realized there is no chance in hell I would ever hook up with a woman this beautiful.

The next class I get there early and sit down where I sat the first class. In a way i kind of forgot the whole thing and went to class wearing sweatpants and gym shirt (headed to gym after class) (didn't even brush my teeth before class! (8:30 am class)). Low and behold, this little gem comes and sits down right next to me.

Listen bro, not sure if this is a troll thread or not, But you should have only typed the second and third paragraph. Why? It's simple. You did something a lot of people wouldn't, you did something you thought you wouldn't. You sat down next to a beautiful girl, who you thought was way out of your league. And what do you know? You had a shot. The fact is, you may have ****ed it up, but who cares? The fact is, you exceeded your own expectations since the beginning. This should give you hope for the future, you can do it again, with a different girl. You went in over your head and you succeeded on the initial approach, and thats all you really need. Nothing is ever promised to us to work out. But you go far enough that you can do it again in the future.

[Exodus420]

did this really happen man?

why didnt u just hold it?

[MrNoblet]

just read the story, it will take 5 minutes. i need srs advice. i have no confidence right now..cant even go outside...won't even go to subway

[maustro]

didnt realize i opened thread with 0 replies..took me like 5 min to read.

just get like a group of 10 guys and kick her brothers ass

pics if real

[TajTebwee]

i read it. no way can that be serious. god didn't do anything to you, you lost the girl because you have no confidence in yourself.

fake tho.

[Sainoob]

OP is in some deep ****.

[TomarNoCu]

lol'd

[xacimo]

Worth the read, good story, but I'm pretty sure its not true

[KGV]

I read the full story.


1 word op...









HOLY CHIT LOL IS THIS REAL LIFE?
if this is srs, its worse than malodrax

[Ghadz]

definitely worth the read; i'm sh*tting bricks from laughter brahs

[LucasDavenport]

Just call her and apologize. Tell her you had the flu and but didn't want to back out of the date.

[joehayes1]

I almost shyt myself lolling fuk that was funny hahaha

[EEytonJones]

****ing LOLd, 5* thread right here

[MrNoblet]

is it so bad that people can't believe it's true? god dammit

[zpaintballer]

OP I have not read that much in my 4 years of college. What makes you think I'm going to read your novella?







(read cliffs. Skimmed to part about ****ting and fish eating it. lol'ed)